November 24, 2004
Angel Grove, CA
"Katherine." I said, feeling disbelief to see her standing there. Her long blonde hair was cut short now, a bob around her face. She was dressed in a pink sweater and black jeans, both hugging her frame like she was ready to grace a runway somewhere. She smiled, walking over and holding her arms out for a hug. I gave her one, unsure of what else to do at the moment. When she pulled away, she held me at arms length and looked down at me.
"You are glowing! When Sha told me you were pregnant, I didn't think you would look this beautiful at it." She said, her thick Australian accent layered on the words like frosting on a cake.
"Thank you. You look terrific! Dancing must do the body well."
"Something like that." She said, laughing. "As long as it's not my knees or my ankles, I suppose. What are you doing back in town?:
"Just decided on a change of scenery. My husband and I are actually going through a divorce and this just seemed like the right place to be." I explained, not wanting to dive into the last few months of my life.
"Me too, sadly. Our divorce just settled and my school is on break for the next few months. My sponsor family offered to let me stay with them for a while so I thought I'd come for the holidays. Luckily, I had run into Rocky at the store and he invited me for dinner." Oh. Terrific. Newly single Katherine who resembled a model was here for dinner. Meanwhile, I'm here feeling like a beached whale with swollen feet.
"We're glad to have you here. Let me introduce you to Marci." I said, looking over my shoulder at the teenager who was eyeballing Kat like she was sizing up a criminal. "The moody teenager in the corner is mine, sort of. I have custody of her. Marci, this is our friend Katherine. She went to school with us as well." I said.
"Nice to meet you." Kat said, smiling at Marci. Marci forced a smile, nodding.
"Yeah. Same." She managed to say. I shot her a look, warning her silently to behave herself.
"Time for dinner!" Trini called out. There was what sounded like a herd of footsteps coming from the living room as Rocky, Jason, Zack, Adam, and Tommy filed into the kitchen. When Tommy came around the corner and saw Kat, his eyes widened in shock. She smiled when she saw him, her face lighting up.
"Tommy! It's great to see you." She said, giving him a hug. I watched as he hugged her back, his eyes casting me a look that she didn't see.
"You too. How have you been?" He asked as they pulled apart.
"Fine! I'm divorced now. Things didn't work out but it was for the best. How are things with you?" She asked, her eyes never leaving his face and her body never leaving his personal space. Rolling my eyes, I walked away and headed towards the line that was heading out the door.
Was I upset that Kat was here? Yeah. Did I have a reason to be? No. It still didn't make a difference though, seeing as I would rather her be gone. My resentment only built up over dinner while I watched her chat away to Tommy about how life was just great for her now. I stabbed my dinner roll with a knife as that accent drilled into my skull like an annoying whine. They even went out back to talk after dinner, the house "too loud" for Kat's liking. I was extremely grateful when the night came to an end and we headed home, the dull ache of a migraine present in the back of my head.
That relief was short lived when Tommy informed me the next day that he wouldn't be able to go to the mall with me as he had some things to help Kat with. She had asked him to help move some furniture and to help her sponsor parents do something at their house. I tried my best to not let it bother me as I walked around the mall with Aisha, Trini, and Marci but it dug at me each time I bought something for our child. I couldn't say anything though since he had no clue it was his baby. I did find some cute outfits and I priced a couple of bigger items I would need. Marci picked out a new set of towels for the bathrooms and curtains for the kitchen. Aisha and I even did a little maternity fashion show for Trini and Marci, making me laugh.
With Thanksgiving over, the Christmas season was now in full swing. Angel Grove has always been known to go all out for the holidays and this year was no exception. Lights were hung on all the light posts, Christmas trees were in all the shop windows, and the town Christmas tree in the middle of the park was being decorated for the annual tree lighting. As the weeks passed, I filled the time decorating the theater with Tommy and the rest of the company's help. Mr. Ridley told us that we could take things more slowly during the holidays since the show wasn't premiering until April. The high school would be using the theater for their holiday concert but that would be an event run by them. I went all out in decorating the place though, putting a tree in every single room and enough lights for the place to be seen in space. Rosey had even knitted some mittens and scarfs for the art sculptures, making them look festive like the rest of the building. We offered a Cocoa with Santa event the first week of December to help bring some money in and it was a hit.
While I did the decorating at the theater, it was Marci who was really taking charge of the decorating at home. Her and Tommy went out and picked out the first ever real tree I have ever had in my life. It was this huge thing that barely fit in the corner of the living room where Tommy had spent half an hour struggling with it to sit in the stand. She wrapped it in white lights and silver garland, silver and gold ornaments hanging from it's branches. She also wrapped the banister in lights and garland, hanging lights off of every doorway in our house. I had to put my foot down when she wanted to put garland in the shower. That's when she turned her attention to decorating the front porch. She had it all decked out in lights, garland, and second hand decorations she had found at the thrift store. It looked cheesy but also beautiful when she lit it up that first time. She was proud of her work and I was glad she was enjoying herself. I didn't want to think of my electric bill though.
Around the second week of December, Tommy received his first insurance check. It was enough to have him start looking into what his options would be. He wasn't sure if he wanted to just rebuild on the lot or buy something new entirely. We drove around, looking at places that were listed in the commercial estate section of the paper. There were a few that seemed like they had potential but nothing that caught his eye like the dojo had. He decided then that he would need to rebuild from scratch. He met with contractors and got some estimates. When he finally found one he liked, he signed a contract and agreed that ground would be broken after the first of the new year. If all went according to plan, the dojo would be up and running by Spring. He was doing his best to keep in contact with all of his students and was holding mini lessons at the high school on Saturdays, hoping to keep the kids excited and involved. The parents had been kind enough to organize a fundraiser for Tommy, giving home the proceeds to help with some of the building costs. He was doing his best to stay busy, counting down the days until he would be able to reopen. I really hoped so for Tommy's sake as he was missing being at work.
Naturally, he filled that time with hanging out with Katherine. The two of them have been spending a lot of time together. They've been going out to coffee and dinner a few times a week. They even went to some holiday event a couple days ago with some of her other friends. It seemed every time I turned around, he was leaving to go meet up with her. It was annoying me more than I liked to admit. I hadn't told Tommy how I felt and I also hadn't told him the truth about the baby. I had no right to be upset about him spending time with Katherine. But it was like our break up all over again except I was here in person to see them become closer. It made my skin crawl and my blood pressure rise but I didn't say anything to him about it. I couldn't be that person.
I was still taking solace in the fact he was always home before nine so we could spend some time together and he was still helping me with things around the house. We had been able to fix up the pots and pans like new, even giving them a new coat of sealer. I packed them in a box and wrapped them up, it sitting under the tree for Christmas. Tommy was also still helping me prepare for the baby. I had bought a crib, not wanting anyone else to do it like I knew they would. He put it together with me. Well, it was more like I read the directions while he assembled it. But it was tucked into the corner of my room, waiting for the arrival of the little one. Tommy has been bringing home baby items, leaving me to wonder if he was baby shopping when he was out with Kat. I didn't let myself think about that stuff because it was something we should be doing. Again, I had dug my own grave and now I had to live in it.
"Marci! We gotta get going." I called, shoving my feet into my boots. It took some strength, my ankles bloated from working all day. I heard her move around in her room over my head. Footsteps coming down the stairs made me look and I saw Tommy come down first. He wore a dark green sweater with his brown leather jacket over it. Black jeans ran the length of his legs, black boots on his feet. His hair was pulled back in a ponytail and I could smell his aftershave that wafted from him. He looked handsome and ready for a night on the town.
"She's coming." He said, gesturing towards the ceiling.
"Well, yeah. So is Christmas." I replied, pulling my jacket on. I had to get a peacoat to cover my belly, the black material going well with the red sweater dress and leggings I had shimmied my butt into. I was not enjoying getting fat whatsoever and it was now apparent I had developed a waddle. The fluttering of her moving inside of me helped me feel better but I still prayed that my body would be back to normal after the pregnancy.
"I still can't believe it's only two weeks away. I feel like this year has gone by so fast." He said, shaking his head. I nodded, grabbing my purse from the coffee table.
"I know. I guess having everything that's happened this year makes time go faster."
"Ah. The age old feeling of trauma making time speed up." I laughed, smiling over at him.
"I'll be 90 in no time at this rate." Glancing at the clock, I saw that we had to get going soon. The tree lighting would begin in about an hour and a half. We were meeting the whole group there, taking advantage of the free cocoa and donuts being provided by the local cafe. I've been looking forward to this night for a couple weeks now. When I was a kid, the tree lighting was my favorite event during the holidays. I love Christmas trees and there was just something about seeing it lit up, reflecting off the pond at the park that made it so much more special. I was excited about being with everyone and getting to enjoy a night out, even if it was just for a little while.
"I'll be right down!" Marci called. The doorbell rang and I looked over at Tommy confused. He looked equally confused as he grabbed his truck keys.
"I thought everyone was meeting us there." Tommy said, walking towards the door.
"So did I." I replied. He opened the door and revealed Kat. I nearly swore out loud when I saw her, forcing myself to bite my tongue.
"Hi!" She said cheerfully, walking in before she was even asked to come in. She had a dark pink bubble coat on and white jeans, heels making her legs seem even longer. She looked as flawless as ever, something that was disgusting. I was not aware that she had been invited. In fact, I was under the impression that Tommy hadn't said anything to her so we could spend some time together. Marci had even stressed this to Tommy when we had made plans, borderline threatening the guy. But yet, here we all stood now.
"Hello." I said, giving her a polite smile.
"I hope you don't mind. I heard about the tree lighting and I thought you guys would be interested in going. Tommy said you were already planning on going." She said, wrapping her arm around Tommy's. "I figured the more the merrier!" Of course you did.
"It's fine." I said. "We're getting ready to head out now." Footsteps came down the stairs and Marci bounded around the corner. Her orange hair was now a dark brown with green and red hues hidden underneath. She curled the ends, pinning part of it back to show off the color. She was wearing an Angel Grove hoodie and a pair of form fitting jeans. Timberlands were on her feet and she had a green and yellow scarf around her neck. She stood dead in her tracks when she saw Kat standing next to Tommy.
"I'm going to go start the truck." Tommy said, pulling his arm out of Kat's grasp and opening the front door. He walked out, her right on his heels. Marci made a disgusted noise, glaring in the direction Kat had gone.
"Why is that here? I thought it was just us tonight." She said, crossing her arms. I shrugged, annoyance radiating off of me.
"I'm not sure but we are going to be nice. Katherine isn't that bad." I said, trying to make myself believe what I was saying. Marci gave me a look.
"You are way too calm hanging out with your ex-boyfriend and his ex. And he's way too comfortable having her hang off of him like that. She's nothing but an Aussie sounded hoe." I tried to hide my smirk as I rolled my eyes.
"Try to keep comments like that to yourself until we get home, okay? C'mon."
We climbed into Tommy's truck and he drove towards the park. Katherine sat in the back with Marci though I felt like she would rather be in the front seat with as much she leaned over the seat to be between Tommy and I. The park was crowded and there were a good deal of cars parked around it. He managed to find a spot in the parking lot, pulling to a stop. When we climbed out, she clung to his side like fly on shit, something that made Marci glare at the two of them the entire time we walked through the park. I felt like Tommy was trying to keep his distance from Kat but she wasn't quite getting the memo from him. I hung back with Marci, shoving my hands in the pockets of my coat.
It was surprisingly cold for a December night in California. The weatherman had said the whole month was going to be like this due some cold fronts coming down from the north part of the state. It made me wonder what the weather would be like next weekend when we head out for the weekend. We would be spending the weekend in Trini's parents ski cabin. It was a gorgeous place nestled in the Olympic Valley. They've had it for years, something her father first bought when he opened up his medical practice. We've been there a few times with their family for weekend getaways. Trini thought it would be a great idea for the whole group to get away for the weekend to celebrate Christmas together. It would be our last getaway before Aisha was unable to travel very far and Nick's trial began.
"Tommy!" Jason's deep voice called out, calling our attention towards the middle of the crowd that was forming around the base of the tallest tree in the park. There was a stage set up next to the tree and tents filled with people who were handing out cocoa and donuts. Christmas music was coming from the stage, a sound system set up to play the recorded music. Tommy and the rest of us headed towards Jason and I could see that Trini, Adam, Billy, Aisha, Rocky, and Zack were standing with him. Trini and Aisha hugged Marci and then me. When Trini pulled away, she casted a glance in the direction of Tommy and Kat who were talking to Billy and Adam.
"I see you brought company." She said in a low tone. I nodded, straining a smile.
"She just showed up to the house before we were leaving." I replied.
"You okay?" She asked. I nodded, not wanting to get into it and ruin everyone's night. I wasn't going to let Kat come between my favorite night and enjoying myself.
"Kim, you want some cocoa?" Rocky asked. I nodded. Him, Tommy, and Jason headed over to the tent, leaving Kat standing with Trini, Aisha, Marci and I.
"You and Tommy have been hanging out an awful lot lately." Marci said, eyeballing Kat. "Are you guys serious?"
"Marci!" I hissed, elbowing her in the back. Kat smiled, sighing.
"We're just at the talking phase now. I'd love to be back with Tommy. He was the sweetest man I've ever been with. I think we might end up together again though. He's been through so much lately. He just needs the time right now." Her words stung and I hated it. Was she right? Were her and Tommy considering getting back together? It couldn't be. Tommy himself had told me that he felt better off without Kat in his life. She had left him for someone else. Even married the guy! Would he really think about being with her again?
The rational side of me suddenly became very aware of the hypocrisy of my thoughts. I had done all of that and sadly more. Who was I to tell Tommy he couldn't be with Kat because of what she had done to him? I had literally been the original bitch to break his heart and then slept with him, got knocked up, and lied about him being the father. I was so disgusted with myself, I wanted to vomit. Marci made one of her infamous noises in the back of her throat and I elbowed her again, stopping her from saying anything I would regret.
"Here we are, ladies!" Rocky said, the guys returning with trays of cocoa and donuts. Tommy helped him hand them out, him handing me a paper cup of cocoa. He looked at me, concerned.
"Are you alright? You're pale." He said softly. I nodded. "Are you feeling sick?"
"A little. I'll be fine though." I looked down at my hands.
"You're lying to me. What's the matter?" He tucked his finger under my chin and gently brought my face up to look at him. Our eyes locked for a moment and I took a deep breath. Was I too late? If I told him how I felt right now, would he tell me it didn't matter anymore? I moved to say something but was cut off by the sound system letting out a little screech.
"Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming to our tree lighting ceremony! In just a few moments, we will light our beautiful tree up. But first, here is the St. Mary's Church Choir to give us their rendition of Silent Night." The mayor said into the microphone that was on stage. He stepped aside as a group of people dressed in red choir robes climbed onto the stage.
"Tommy, it was supposed to just be us tonight." Marci said, stepping towards us. "You've been spending so much time with Kat lately that tonight was supposed to be special." Tommy glanced from Marci to me, putting his hands on my elbows.
"Is that what's bothering you?" He asked.
"It's bothering me." Marci said, shrugging her shoulders. We both shot her a look. "Right. I'll see what Aisha and Rocky are fighting about tonight." She walked away, giving us space.
"It's not bothering me like she says." I said, not wanting him to think I was being clingy. "It's just pregnancy hormones." Tommy sighed, hanging his head. The choir started singing, the soft melody of the song sounding beautiful from them.
"I actually needed to talk to you about Kat." He said. Looking around, he led me a few feet away from everyone.
"You want to get back together with her, don't you?" I asked. He looked at me, surprised. "She said something about you two talking about it."
"Kim, you know I never want to do anything to upset you. If you don't think you can handle it, I won't. It's just her and I have spent a lot of time getting to know each other again and it just seems to fit right now. But I wanted to talk to you first about it before I even said anything to her." Oh, dear god. He was asking my permission to get back with Katherine. What was I even going to say to that? 'No! I'm carrying our secret lovechild and I forbid it.' I would rather die.
"I don't want you to get hurt again." I said, giving him a small smile. He nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets.
"Me either but I think Kat's changed. We've both grown up some and things are different. But none of that matters if you aren't going to be okay with it."
"Tommy, I can't dictate your life. If you want to go out with Kat, it's your choice. Not mine. If you're looking for my blessing or something, go ahead."
"I guess it's something I'll have to really think about then." The choir's song ended and the tree lit up, the bright colored lights glowing in the night sky. We both turned to look at it, raising our heads to see it better. The crowd awed at it, the contrast of the tree against the night sky making it look even brighter. It looked clouded though in my eyes as they filled with tears.
