"Hello and welcome to Jojora's Variety Show! I'm your sexy and lovable host, Jojora Teeheena Icadora!" Jojora excitedly squealed. She was in the Channel 64 News Building on a small stage with other familiar people on there too, with a cameraman filming everything. There was also a small crowd that were people from the hospital that were cheering for Jojora. Everything else looked like your typical news casting room though.

"And I'm the co-host, King Bowser Koopa! Bow down to me, bitches! Bwahahaha!" Bowser laughed. Less people cheered for him because a lot of people didn't like the Koopa King for obvious reasons.

"Now, before I introduce what we are going to do today, I want to give you viewers an explanation of what exactly is going on here. Due to amazing luck, we have managed to make this show a global broadcasting. For those of you idiots who don't know what that means, it means this show is going to be shown EVERYWHERE in the world. Now, why is this happening, you ask? Well, I'm sure you all know by now of what's been going on in the Mushroom Kingdom. There have been numerous bombing attacks all over the kingdom, specifically Mushroom City. Buildings are damaged, streets are ruined, and a crapload of people in Mushroom City have been evacuated to some hospital place that isn't too far from this building. Luckily, this building is one of the few in the city that hasn't been destroyed so HURRAH! Unfortunately, if you take a look at the crowd in this place, it's not really as big as you would expect, since only a handful of people were willing to travel all the way over here from the hospital and watch the show. Bunch of lazy jackasses! Okay, my mouth is getting tired from explaining everything so you take it from here, Bowser." Jojora explained in a snobby way.

"The reason why this show is having a global broadcast is so we can inform you viewers of what's going on in the city currently, and also because we need to raise a ton of money in order to get the destroyed parts of Mushroom City repaired. How much money do we need, you ask? Well, we're about to find out, right here! OH FLY GUY!" Bowser called out and the Fly Guy flew into the scene and lowered down a big, electronic sign that was attached to the ceiling. He pressed a button on it and the numbers 1,000,000,000 coins suddenly popped up. Everyone gasped at the surprising number.

"WHAT!? WE NEED 1 BILLION COINS TO REPAIR ALL THE DAMAGE!? THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY WE'RE GONNA GET ALL OF THAT MONEY!" Jojora angrily screamed, but then realized everyone was staring at her like she was a freak. The blue fairy coughed and faked a smile. "Um, right, so as you can clearly see, we need 1 billion coins to repair the damage in Mushroom City so we need YOU viewers to donate ASAP! Now, before I tell how you can donate, let's meet our panel of guests that are with us today! You may recognize some of them!"

The camera and lights turned toward a panel of 11 familiar characters that had 6 sitting on the bottom row, and five on the top row. They all waved at the audience.

"The first panel member we have today is my wonderful and absolutely flawless son, Ludwig Koopa!" Bowser announced. The audience cheered for him.

"Hello everyone! I am ze one and ze only Ludwig von Koopa! You vill all hear my name zomeday when I become ze first quadrillionaire in ze world! How am I going to get zat kind of money, you ask? By making and selling a bunch of killer Teddy Bears of course! Some accessories include butcher knives, rocket launchers, flamethrowers, sub-machine guns, and Justin Bieber dolls! You vill never have to be afraid of what goes bump in ze night, because your killer teddy bear vill always be there to protect you! Vell, as long as he doesn't kill you of course! Heh heh heh." Ludwig said.

Jojora raised her eyebrow. "Um, what's up with the freaky accent?"

Bowser sighed. "He's just going through a phase...an incredibly stupid and annoying phase. The next panel member we have is Madame Flurrie!" The audience cheered for her.

"Hello dearies! It's quite marvelous to be on TV again. I want to tell you all that I have a new movie coming out in December of this year, and it's called 'How Zelda Got Her Groove Back Part 27'! Please go see it, you will not regret it! Oh, and if anyone here has some candy I could indulge in, I would love that, preferably the larger sized ones." Flurrie said with a wink.

Jojora rolled her eyes at the diva. "Yeah, whatever, next person! You all know him as possibly the most annoying character ever made...Charmy Bee!"

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY! I'M SO HAPPY TO BE HERE! MY POPULARITY IS SOOOOOOO GOING TO SKYROCKET NOW!" Charmy loudly cheered as he flew all around the room, and he even flew into Jojora which knocked her down onto her face. Jojora got up and angrily growled at the annoying bee.

"WILL YOU SAT YOUR ASS DOWN ALREADY!? YOUR INTRODUCTION IS OVER!" She yelled.

"Awww, okay! Wait, can I say hi to my friends though?" Charmy asked as he flew over to the camera and pressed his face against the screen. "Hi mom! Hi dad! Hi Espio! Hi Vector! Hi Sailor Moon! Hi Spongebob Squarepants! Hi Iron Man! Hi-"

BANG!

Charmy was suddenly hit in the head by Jojora's microphone. He groaned and rubbed his head in pain and slowly flew back to his seat. Fly Guy picked up the microphone and gave it back to Jojora.

"Now that all of that annoying crap is overwith, let's move on to the next panel member. Say hello to Miss Mowz!"

"Wow Jojora! That's a nice microphone you have there! Wouldn't it suck if someone were to steal it?" Miss Mowz said with a wink and a smirk. Jojora raised her eyebrows.

"Um...sure? Moving on, I guess...this guy right here is totally classic. He and his bird friend starred in one of the biggest Nintendo games ever. It's Banjo and Kazooie!" The audience cheer was ever louder this time as the bear and bird waved to everyone.

"Guh-huh! Hey guys, it's good to be here, even though we hate the fact that we're actually stuck here because of the disaster and we can't find our way home now." Banjo confessed.

"There better be some birdseed laying around here somewhere! I haven't had any in days and I get ANGRY when I don't get my birdseed!" Kazooie threatened.

Jojora's eyes widened. "Um...does anyone happen to have any birdseed on them?" Everyone else in the room shook their heads, which pissed off Kazooie even more. "Well, uh, don't worry about it Kazooie. We'll get you your birdseed sooner or later...or never. Probably never. You introduce the next person, Bowser."

"Okay, now we're moving to the top panel! This girl is basically a bulb with the most boring personality I've ever seen in my life. It's Watt, everyone!" Bowser begrudgingly announced. Everyone cheered for her while Watt gave an ugly glare at Bowser.

"I don't have a boring personality! You're only saying that because I electrocuted your pool with you in it that one time!" Watt yelled.

"Exactly, which is why I despise you and I wish you would go jump in a pit full of cobras." Bowser laughed. "Alright, next person! This is the mailman we all know and love, and perhaps also despise because he keeps delivering me mail when I SPECIFICALLY tell him everytime he comes to my house to never give me any freaking mail because I don't need nor do I want it! It's Parakarry!"

The audience cheered for the mailman and he waved back at everyone.

"You're lucky that I decided to come because I noticed there were a lot more people that stayed behind at the hospital than people that wanted to go here." Parakarry said in an odd way.

"Um, what is that suppose to mean exactly?" Jojora asked.

"It means that I don't like following the crowds, or what's 'in'. I consider myself a very special and articulate person and I don't need to conform to society's standards to know that I belong in the world." Parakarry speeched. Jojora rolled her eyes yet again.

"Okay, stereotypical hipster, you can stop the ego stroking now. Next panel member we have is Wiggler everyone!" Jojora announced. Everyone cheered for him as he happily waved back.

"Hi everyone! My name is Wiggler and I like ice cream, cheesecake, fluffy toys, auto-tuned pop music, and My Little Pony!" He cheered. However, there was a burst of laughter coming from someone in the audience.

"Oh my god, is this guy for real right now!? What a loser! HEY CATERPILLAR BOY, I GUESS YOU ALSO LIKE BARBIE DOLLS, EH!? HAHAHA!" Boo insulted. Wiggler started turning red and steam came out of his nose.

"YOU BASTARD! HOW DARE YOU MAKE FUN OF ME!? YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO JUDGE ME YOU FAT COW! I WILL BITE YOUR HEAD OFF AND FEED THE REST OF YOUR BODY TO JOGORO, THE TWELVE FOOT TALL GORILLA WARRIOR!" Wiggler screamed and sped down the stage to Boo. Everyone else in the audience screamed and ran for the lives as Wiggler pummeled Boo to the ground and started beating the life out of him viciously. (Or whatever kind of life a Boo has left).

"Okay, can somebody tie that psychotic bitch down or something? Jeeze, talk about MAJOR anger issues! Anyways, this next person on the panel is someone we all love to hate, it's Lakilulu!" Jojora announced.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The audience yelled and threw a variety of stuff at her.

"HEY! That isn't very nice, you jerks! You all need to learn a little something called respe-" Lakilulu was suddenly cut off by a computer being thrown at her head. Everyone else in the room laughed at her, except for Parakarry.

"Man, you guys are such mindless sheep. I'm so glad I chose to be against the crowd because this is just ridiculous. I highly advise that none of you join me in being against the crowd otherwise it's not gonna work out right." Parakarry preached again. More people rolled their eyes at him this time.

"Okay, seriously Parakarry, no one cares if you're 'Anti-Society' or whatever. Quit shoving it in our faces already." Jojora said with frustration. "Anyways, that's all our panel members for today, so let's get on to-"

"HEY BITCH! YOU FORGOT TO INTRODUCE ME!" Wendy yelled.

Jojora growled at her. "Oh, no, I didn't forget to introduce you, Wendy. I just don't like you and I think you're a vile bitch who is in need of cosmetic surgery."

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!" The crowd gasped.

"Says the girl with blue skin! Seriously, who the hell has THAT kind of skin color? No man is ever going to love someone with such horrid skin! Do you even tan?" Wendy retorted.

"Clearly people don't mind the fact that I have blue skin, considering I am Channel 64's top gossip reporter AND I have my own gossip site that brings in thousands of viewers each day! As for you, all you're doing is hanging out at your dad's castle, munching on sugar cookies and wishing that you were as popular and have enough money as I do. That must REALLY get under your skin, huh?" Jojora smirked.

Bowser awkwardly glanced back and forth between the two girls. "Uhhhhhhhh...my daughter, Wendy O. Koopa everyone!"

There were some cheers mixed in with some boos from the audience since a lot of people weren't fond with Wendy obviously.

"Oh, and here's a fun fact, I actually prefer Lakilulu over Wendy O. Koopa. Yes, she's just that terrible! Even her own siblings don't like her, and I can see why. If I was her sibling I would do anything to move out of the castle, and that includes prostitution!" Jojora said with a laugh. The audience "Oooooooh'd" once more. "Also, what the heck does the O. in Wendy's full name stand for anyways? Orange? Obnoxious? Obscure? Orifice? Obese? Ogre? Oinker? Let me know when I get to the correct word, Wendy!"

Wendy clenched her fists and started getting red in the face. "Daddy, do I have permission to kill this ugly bimbo?"

"Erm...wait until after the show, okay? We don't want any blood to get on the stage...well, not yet at least! Bwahahaha! Anyways, back to our donation topic, the number to donate your money is (128) 643-9577. Each of our panel members has a phone right in front of them where they can respond to you and they will write down your name, address, and phone number so the money can be properly submitted. Call right now and submit however much coins you can and get Mushroom City back on its feet!" Bowser said to the camera.

Absolutely nothing happened in the next minute after he said that, which created an awkward silence.

"Crap! What do we do now?" Jojora asked.

"I've got an idea. If you want to see Jojora and Wendy get into a catfight, call and donate your money right now!" Bowser said. Suddenly, all of the phones started ringing off the hook and all the panel members answered them.

"Are you kidding me? You people can't be serious! Why would you want to pay to see two girls fight? That's totally unnecessary!" Jojora yelled.

"Aww, are you afraid that you're gonna get beaten to a pulp? You don't stand a chance against me!" Wendy laughed.

Jojora threw her microphone down. "Okay, that does it! I've had more than enough of hearing your voice! BRING IT ON, BITCH!"

Wendy lunged at the blue fairy and the two started viciously punching, kicking, scratching, and biting each other. The audience was cheering loudly for them and even more phone calls came in.

"GO WENDY! BASH HER HEAD IN! RIP HER TEETH OUT! BITE HER SKIN OFF! SAY YOU LOVE ME AND PUT IT IN A LOVE SONG!" Bowser sang the last sentence. Everyone stopped cheering and stared at him in an awkward silence. "Um...nevermind what I just said! Okay, let's see how much money people have donated to us. Press the button on the board, Fly Guy!"

Fly Guy proceeded to press the button and the numbers on the board rapidly changed for a few seconds, and then stopped at 999,999,000.

"WHAT!? Only 1000 coins have been donated!? What kind of lazy jackasses are you people? Surely there's a billionaire out there that cares for the sake of the Mushroom Kingdom's biggest city!" Bowser yelled.

"Since when did you care about the state of the city? You don't even like this country! Hell, you don't even like the entire world!" Watt said.

"I care! Well, to be honest, the only thing I care about here is the Anime store. Can you believe that place is completely ruined? I was just getting into One Piece and Death Note! Talk about unfair! Anyways, since the catfight obviously didn't bring in enough money, let's up the stakes a little bit, shall we?" Bowser said and went off screen to pull out Petey Piranha. "Now, this big freaky dude right here LOVES to kiss people for some creepy reason. No, seriously, he's the most creepiest person I've ever met! Did you guys know that he sneaked into my room and kissed me in my sleep? DISGUSTING!"

"Aww, Bowser! You know I didn't mean to freak you out! Come here, let me give you a big, fat, wet kiss to show you how sorry I am!" Petey said.

"NO! GET AWAY FROM ME YOU CREATURE FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION!" Bowser yelled and pushed him away. "Jojora, I can use some help here!"

Jojora got back up on stage with bruises and marks all over her body. She tugged on Petey's 'leaf arms' and held him back from Bowser.

"Um...where's Wendy? You didn't kill her...did you?" Bowser asked in worry.

"Oh don't worry, she'll back be here in a minute. Let's just say that she won't be speaking for a while..." Jojora replied with a deadly grin.

Wendy ran back up on stage, mumbling something and pointing to her lips, and gave the middle finger to Jojora. Everyone gasped, realizing what Jojora had done to her.

"Oh my god, you super glued her mouth shut!? That is so cool!" Charmy cheered.

"Nice job on that, actually. That girl has the most annoying voice I've ever heard. It's like nails on a chalkboard." Kazooie snickered.

Jojora smiled in return. "I do my best. Anyways Bowser, bring out the wheel of woe to see which unlucky contestant gets to be smothered by Petey!"

Bowser went off screen again and pulled in a large wheel that had the panel member's faces on it. Bowser spun the wheel and after a minute of it spinning, the wheel stopped and the pointer landed on Parakarry.

"Well well well, Mr. Hipster! Today's your lucky day, you get to be smooched by Petey!" Bowser laughed.

"Kissing is so overdone in today's world. I am NOT doing it." Parakarry spat.

"Don't be such a spoil sport, Parakarry! I promise I won't be rough!" Petey said and ran to the mailman.

"Wait...what are you doing? Don't come near me! STOP! SOMEONE HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Parakarry screamed as he was mauled by Petey and he planted big and wet smooches all over Parakarry's face. The audience laughed at his demise.

"Bwahahaha! Idiot got what was coming to him! Donate right now if you loved Petey kissing Parakarry!" Bowser said.

Only one phone call rang in, which was Flurrie's. She answered it and gasped. "Oh my! Such dreadful language!"

"What? What did they say?" Jojora asked.

"They said that Petey is a no life momma's boy loser who is confused about his sexuality and needs to be sent to a mental institution. Oh, and he also donated 1 coin." Flurrie answered.

"Um, I don't know what universe you come from, but the majority of the people here don't really consider that to be 'dreadful language.'" Jojora scowled.

"1 COIN!? Are you freaking kidding me!? HEY BUDDY! YEAH YOU, THE ONE WHO JUST CALLED! I'M SURE YOU HAVE MORE MONEY THAN THAT SO YOU BETTER PAY UP OR I'LL GET MY KOOPA ARMY, HUNT YOU DOWN, AND SHOVE A BUNCH OF PANCAKES DOWN YOUR THROAT, AND YOU'RE GONNA LIKE IT!" Bowser yelled to the camera.

No phone call came after that.

"Um, Bowser? Maybe you shouldn't try the threatening tactic. It doesn't always work. Alright, we clearly need a better challenge, so I've got the perfect one!" Jojora cheered and went off screen. She came back, holding a plastic bag full of spiders. "Donate right now if you want to see someone be covered in these icky creatures!"

The phones suddenly started off the hook again, which excited Bowser and Jojora.

"Bwahahaha, excellent! While that is going on, let's see who gets to be unlucky contestant number two!" Bowser said and spun the wheel again. Another minute passed and the wheel slowly stopped and the pointer landed on Banjo. The bear took a big gulp at this.

"Heh heh, looks like you're up, Banjo! Don't worry, these babies won't bite...I think." Jojora said with uncertainty. Banjo sighed and slowly walked up to Jojora. The fairy opened the bag and poured the mass amounts of spiders all over Banjo's head. The spiders immediately attached themselves to the bear's body.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! OH MY GOD, THEY'RE CRAWLING ALL OVER ME! I THOUGHT THIS WOULD ONLY HAPPEN TO ME IN MY NIGHTMARES!" Banjo screamed bloody murder and ran off screen and crashed into a wall. Some of the audience laughed at him, while others were a bit frightened since a lot of people aren't very fond of spiders.

"Yeesh! I am so glad that it wasn't me who had to do that! Anyways, let's see how much money the viewers have donated now. Press the button!" Bowser ordered. Fly Guy did as he said and the electronic sign now showed 999,998,000 coins.

"WHAT? SERIOUSLY? Only 1000 more coins have been donated? What the hell is wrong with you people!? Why can't you get it through your thick skulls that without Mushroom City, life here will never go back to being normal again, which means that Channel 64 News has a good chance of shutting down, which means that I can't do any gossip reports...WHICH MEANS THAT I DON'T GET ANY MONEY COMING IN! GAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Jojora yelled and threw a desk chair at the audience.

"Alright calm down, Raggedy Anne. I've got another idea up my sleeve." Bowser said and got something out of his shell. "I just remembered that I had this thing in my shell for the past year, and I didn't even remember that I actually had it until a few minutes ago! I call it the freeze ray gun. If you aren't a moron, then you should know what it does. If you are a moron, then all this thing does is simply freeze anything that you blast it with, into an icicle of some sort. I got this from some mad scientist called Professor E. Gadd, it was so kind of him to give it to me!"

"Wait a second, that's been in your shell for an entire YEAR? That is so totally gross!" Jojora shrieked.

"Professor E. Gadd simply gave that thing to you? Why do I have a hard time believing that?" Watt asked while sneering.

Bowser sighed. "Okay fine! I stole it from him after he refused to give it to me, and then gave him an atomic wedgie! Are you satisfied now?"

Jojora walked up to the wheel of woe. "Alright, it's my turn to spin this thing now. Who's going to be our unlucky contestant number 3?" She spun the wheel and the pointer landed on Lakilulu's face. Everyone in the audience cheered and laughed at the poor lakitu.

"YES! EXCELLENT! Alright viewers, call right now if you want to see Lakilulu get frozen!" Bowser cheered. The phones started ringing off the hook once again.

"Hmph, whatever! I'm not afraid of some ice! Hit me with your best shot!" Lakilulu said as she floated to the center of the stage. Bowser aimed his freeze gun and shot it. A blue wave came out of the gun and hit Lakilulu's cloud, which froze it in an ice block, which made her fall to the ground. The audience laughed at her even more.

"HEY! You completely froze my cloud, you dolt! AGH! I can't even move right now! UNFREEZE ME THIS INSTANT!" Lakilulu screamed.

"Nah, I don't think I will." Bowser said and snickered. He shot another blast from his freeze gun, and now froze the rest of her body, except for her head. Everyone laughed at her agony even more now.

"STOP IT! THIS ISN'T FUNNY! I CAN'T EVEN MOVE MY ENTIRE BODY RIGHT NOW! I HATE YOU ALL!" Lakilulu cried.

"So, Lakilulu, how does it feel to be mostly frozen? We all want an insider's perspective on this, so I want you to give me as much details as you can." Jojora asked like a typical interviewer.

"Oh go screw yourself Jojora! I can't believe you people, laughing at me like I'm some evil clown! Well you know what? I have had it! It is completely unfair that I'm always the one getting picked on, it's completely unfair how nobody takes my relationship with Lakilester seriously, AND it's also unfair that-"

Lakilulu was suddenly cut off by Bowser freezing her head. Everyone cheered and clapped for him.

"Man that girl gets on my nerves! How the hell is she even in a relationship in the first place?" Bowser asked, but no one knew the answer.

"Well anyways, because Lakilulu is such a hate-able person and we all like to see her wither in pain, let's see how much our viewers donated to us now! Press the button!" Jojora said. Fly Guy did it again and the new number this time was 998,998,000 coins. There were some cheers from the audience.

"Not bad! A million coins this time, a major improvement! Wow, looks like we need to have Lakilulu be in pain more often, eh? But I'll let her slide for now and do the final event. This one is going to be a deadly surprise, so you better hope that you won't get picked, panel members!" Jojora said and spun the wheel of woe once again. The wheel slowed down and the pointer landed on Ludwig's face. "Ludwig! You're our final unlucky contestant of the day! Get your butt down here!"

"Uhh, Jojora? Since this IS my son, I demand that you do not kill him! Injuring him is fine, but I cross the line at killing!" Bowser warned.

"Oh psshhh! Quit worrying you try-hard evil king! So Ludwig, are you ready for this deadly surprise?" Jojora asked.

"Yes, I am ready for anything! Let's get zis overwith so I can finish playing ze new Pokemon game!" Ludwig demanded.

"Ooh ooh! Can I do this event too? I LOOOOOOOOOOVE surprises and I totally don't want to be left out! That, and I want as much screen time as possible. HI MOM AND DAD!" Charmy annoyingly yelled and waved to the camera.

Jojora rolled her eyes. "Alright fine, you can join Ludwig in the event! But before we start, I want you viewers to donate money right now! If you don't, then I won't be able to show you all this 'deadly surprise' I have in store for Ludwig and Charmy!" Jojora said. All the phones started to ring again, which satisfied the blue fairy. However, she also noticed that something was wrong.

"Um, where the hell is Miss Mowz at?" She asked.

"That mouse girl? She stole one of the telephones and snuck out the back door." Kazooie answered.

"Seriously? Out of all the things she could've stolen in this building and that's the one thing she stole? Ugh, whatever, let's just get on with this challenge." Jojora said then walked over to a large double doors and got out her keys. She unlocked the doors and opened them, revealing a Chain Chomp. Everyone else in the room gasped. Jojora led the Chomp over to the stage.

"Alright then, for this challenge, you two have to wrestle this Chain Chomp. The first one to get beaten to a pulp loses!" Jojora happily explained.

"ALRIGHT! LET'S ROCK AND ROLL!" Charmy cheered.

"Uhh...me thinks that zis is not such a good idea now..." Ludwig said in fright.

"Quit being a coward, man! It's all about courage, strength, wittiness, charm, sexiness, english, McDonalds, Tofu, and barbie dolls!" Charmy cheered again. He flew to the Chain Chomp and kicked him right in the eye. The Chain Chomp suddenly started to turn red and let out a loud growl.

"Uh oh...I think you pissed it off!" Bowser yelled.

The Chain Chomp roared and charged after Charmy, bashing through Ludwig, the stage, and the panel. Everyone else scattered and ran for their lives.

"YOU'LL NEVER GET ME ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!" Charmy yelled as he flew all over the place. The Chomp destroyed everything in his wild path, and that included running over some unfortunate audience members.

"Um, okay, this is CLEARLY not how this was suppose to happen, so...uhh...I guess we'll see you next week then! And remember, don't forget to call us and donate your...HOLY SHIT! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Jojora suddenly screamed as the Chain Chomp went after her. A loud crash of glass sounds and walls crumbling was heard.

EOC.

Yeah, quick update this time because I didn't feel like waiting until next week to update it since I already had this chapter written in advance, lol. I also thought this chapter would be a nice refresher from the whole adventure thing, so that's why I put this. Plus, it gives some of the less important characters some line time. Next chapter will have the main 13 'attempting' to return to Mushroom Corps, but there's a group of familiar characters that gets in their way...