January 4, 2005
Angel Grove, CA
Since Adam and Billy only lived two blocks from the courthouse, we drove over to their house to wait for word from Miss Kirkland. I drove over with Tommy and Marci, the two of them discussing how Aisha was probably going to kill and bury Rocky's body in the backyard tonight after we all headed home. I liked hearing the two of them joke and laugh, something that I felt we were finally able to do a little again. Jason's words to me about Tommy and how he has been feeling came back to mind and I wondered just how much of his happiness Tommy had been faking towards me. Was he actually faking it or was Jason just assuming things? I wasn't sure. But now that Tommy had his mind set on writing his name on the birth certificate when the baby was born, it made me consider the fact that maybe he wanted to help show he was in this for the long haul really. But in all honesty, it terrified me because I wasn't sure how he would react to learning that he was biologically the father. This would give him more rights to the baby if he decided to just take her from me for lying or for being the train wreck that I was.
At Adam and Billy's house, we all filed in and Adam and Trini made quick work of ordering some pizza for everyone. Their house was a more modern home, hues of blacks, blues, and whites that made everything feel clean. Billy had also equipped their home with a number of technical devices including voice activated thermostats, stereo, and kitchen appliances. I half expected to see a robot walking around the place, taking commands when I walked in but there was none. Aisha and Marci sat on the couch, Zack joining them so he could bury his face into a pillow. Rocky followed behind Jason as he headed to the kitchen, hoping to hide from his still glowering wife who did everything but hiss in his general direction when he dared to get near enough. I excused myself to the bathroom, choosing to find a quiet place for a moment rather than dealing with all of this.
I leaned against the sink in the bathroom, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. I had felt like I was just on the edge of a panic attack all day, carrying over from yesterday. I was doing my best to keep myself grounded and to focus on one moment at a time. It was working for the most part but my anxiety was through the roof. I could look passed the whole Tommy and the birth certificate thing. My main thoughts were on what the jury was doing at this very moment. They would see the truth and come to the right decision, right? There was no way they could hear what he did to me and just let him go free today. I couldn't allow myself to consider the fact they could find him not guilty. I had lived through those attacks and every minute of them still lived in my brain. They needed to announce him as guilty and put him where he belonged. Put him in a place where he couldn't hurt me, the baby, or anyone else for that matter again.
Coming out of the bathroom, I saw that Marci was giving Aisha a foot massage and that Zack was now sleeping on the couch. I learned that Billy, Rocky and Jason had left to get the pizza and Adam and Trini were in the kitchen, getting ready for the food to arrive. I noticed that Tommy wasn't anywhere to be found in the living room. I walked into the kitchen and found Trini setting out some plates.
"Hey. Did Tommy go with Billy, Jason and Rocky?" I asked. She shook her head.
"He went out back." She replied, gesturing her head towards the backdoor. I thanked her and walked over to the door, opening it. On the other side, I saw that he was standing on the deck overlooking the inground pool. I was surprised to see that there was a pool here.
"Wow." I said, stepping out onto the deck. He looked over his shoulder at me. "I didn't know they had a pool. Why did we spend all summer at Jason and Trini's house then?" He laughed, nodding.
"I think they just had it fixed. Adam is a little uptight when it comes to people tracking water into the house too. Or at least that's what Billy told me."
"I believe it." I replied, leaning against the railing next to him. "How are you doing?"
"Me? I was about to ask you the same thing. I know this has to be nerve wracking. Especially the waiting part."
"Well, it is but there's not much I can do right now but wait. Tommy, I know that it couldn't have been easy to sit through all of this. You know you can talk to me about it, right? I get that it's not the greatest topic between us but discussing our breakup is something we haven't done much since I came back."
"For good reason." He replied, leaning his elbows on the railing. "I told you I was passed that."
"Are you really though?" I questioned. "Because I can't help but feel like there's a part of you that is still dealing with it."
"Of course I'm still dealing with it, Kim. It's not like it went away when we talked. It's still there. But it's not something I think about all the time like I used to. I'll admit that it burned me when you first came back that you had left me for Nick. I couldn't see what was so great about him that you decided to end what we had together to be with a guy like him. I think the trial really made me figure out that you saw a different person than the one we all met when you moved here. And then I realized I had to stop being so angry about the idea of you being happy with someone else, especially since I know the outcome." Tommy sighed, linking his fingers in front of him. "I'm not proud of the way I thought of you after our break up. I was angry. I was upset. I was heartbroken. I didn't understand what happened and I refused to let myself think you had a good reason to want to break up besides the fact you were heartless. I see now that it wasn't the case and well, it still hurts like a bitch. But I'll get there."
"Would it help if I told you that it was one of the biggest regrets in my life?" I asked. "Now that I look back at everything that's happened, I think I just let Nick's being there cloud my judgement. He was there for me but I never really gave you the chance to be that person because I was so worried about you and your responsibilities. Honestly, it could have been anyone I think and the same thing could have happened. I should have been more open with you and confided in you like a girlfriend is supposed to. I also should have told someone about what was going on with my gym coach who could have actually done something about it. Instead, I just kept going forward and pretending nothing happened. It was the beginning of my infamous character trait of denial we all know and love." I nudged his shoulder and he smiled.
"I suppose us talking like this is going to have to keep happening if we are planning on being an end game."
"I'm afraid so. But it's a good thing. We can't make something new if we don't figure out what broke the old. Which brings me into what I came out here to talk to you about."
"Shoot." He said, turning to face me.
"About what Miss Kirkland said about you signing the birth certificate; do you really think that's the best idea?" I asked.
"Well, yes. That's what she suggested to help protect you guys. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make sure all of you girls are safe. Marci included." My heart warmed at his words but I kept my mind on the topic at hand.
"I appreciate that Tommy but if you sign that piece of paper, you are signing up for a number of things that you might have to be responsible for. I don't think you realize what it means to legally be someone's father."
"I realize what it means." He said. "I heard the same speech when my parents legally adopted me in front of the family court judge. I am willing to do all of what needs to be done and what will be expected of me. Don't think of me trying to barge into your life and take over. I know I'm not the Dad and that she might never think of me that way. But I don't mind being the person who steps up for her in a way that her own father never will." It pained me how awesome he was being right now because it made the guilt sink in that much deeper. I knew I needed to tell him the truth. He deserved that much and he deserved to get to be the real father in her life. I had to wait though. The Trial still wasn't over and there was still so much at stake.
"Tommy, I am so grateful you feel that way but I think we should try to find another way."
"Why?"
"Because I just think it's a huge step for us and we aren't at that place yet." He eyed me, tucking his hands in his pockets.
"You don't want me to be the father of this baby in any regards, do you?" He asked. "Or else, this wouldn't be such a big deal. So, what? You want Jason or Zack to do it then?"
"No! I don't want anyone to do it! I just don't think that it's the smartest decision right now, especially with Nick still being involved. My divorce lawyer told me that if I get divorced, I wouldn't need to have anyone listed as the father. That was the original plan and it's the one I think I want to stick to."
"Kim, Miss Kirkland told you that it is best to do it this way. If you leave it blank, you're opening yourself up for Nick to swoop in and attempt to take her away from you. I can't let you do that. It's too much of a risk."
"You can't let me do that?" I asked, glaring at him. "You aren't letting me do anything, Tommy. This is my baby and it's my decision. I've told you what I want to do and you should respect that!"
"I do respect that but I think you should reconsider! What happens if he files for custody while he's in prison? They could make you bring her to the prison to see him once a week. They could try to have her taken from you and placed with his next of kin. He could get an early release if they find she is his only family if they take her from you. And if he only gets a light sentence, he could end up with her! Do you really want that for your daughter? Let me sign that paper and let me take care of you. Let me step up and be that person you needed before now."
"Just stop it, Tommy! Stop being that person that needs to fix and save everyone!" I yelled.
"Then maybe you should step up and try to do that for yourself now!" He yelled back. "I don't even think you want to save yourself sometimes. You have a solution to this problem that not only affects you and you don't want to do it. Why? Is it because you just aren't ready to try to move forward with me? Is it because you aren't ready to get past what happened? You said it yourself we had to move on to get to a place for us to be ready to try again. How are we supposed to do that if you aren't ready to do what needs to be done to get there? You need to start thinking about that baby instead of yourself, Kimberly."
"That's what I've been doing since the beginning! How dare you try to tell me that I'm being selfish! Everything I've done has been to protect her from the world. You have no idea what I've been going through since I found out I was pregnant. It's easy to sit there and judge me when you get to be blissfully ignorant."
"Ignorant? The whole reason I have no clue about it is because getting you to open up is like pulling teeth from a saber tooth tiger. One minute, you're bubbly Kimberly. The next, you're ripping my fucking head off for no reason! I didn't realize that being pregnant turned you into being a bipolar bitch."
"No one is making you stay here, Tommy. Leave then. Leave if you can't live with me anymore."
"Do you want me to go?" He asked, stepping closer to me. I moved to open my mouth but was interrupted by the back door opening. Adam stuck his head out, giving us an apprehensive look between us.
"Sorry. Hate to interrupt but Miss Kirkland called. The verdict is in."
There was a mad rush to get everyone up and into the cars we had available at the house. Trini called Jason as we headed back to the court house, letting him know we were heading there. We had to squeeze Marci, Trini, and myself into the back of Tommy's truck, Aisha sitting in the front seat. It was better that way, Tommy's anger towards me still apparent as we drove. Zack and Adam were in the truck behind us, them having no room for anyone else. Jason sped into the parking lot of the courthouse moments after we did, screeching to a stop in a parking space behind us. My anxiety was through the roof now as we climbed from the truck. It had only been about three hours. Had they even had time to look at everything long enough to come to the right decision?
We headed back into the building, it now closed from it's normal business hours. I could see people filing into the courtroom, hushed voices filling the hallway. Marci walked next to me and she slipped her hand in mine. "It's gonna be okay." She said, giving me a smile. I nodded, praying she was right. Tommy held the door open for everyone, avoiding my gaze as we headed inside. He followed suit by sitting in the row behind me rather than next to me. Instead, Trini took his spot and sandwiched me between her and Marci.
"Do you think I have time to pee?" Aisha asked, standing. I nodded. "Okay. I'll be right back." Turning, she waddled out of the courtroom and headed up the hallway. The door closed and I felt it grow increasingly warm. Mr. Powers was sitting at his table, tapping a pen on a notepad as he stared into space. Miss Kirkland was not here yet, but her coat and her bag were sitting on the chair at her table. I wanted to ask Billy if this was a good or bad sign but I couldn't bring myself to ask it out loud. I didn't want to hear the wrong answer in my mind so I just sat there, bouncing my leg up and down to prevent me from hopping out of that room.
"Miss Kirkland is here." Trini said, patting my knee. I turned, seeing she was right. Miss Kirkland walked into the courtroom and gave me a smile. I stood up, stepping towards her.
"I'm glad you all could make it so quickly. The judge and the jury will be coming in shortly." She said.
"They've come to a decision so soon?" I asked. "What does that mean?"
"It could go either way but we need to be confident, right? We gave them a strong case with strong evidence and air tight testimony. I think this will be good for us, Kimberly." There was some movement and the jury entered. She gave my hand a squeeze before heading to her table. I sat back down, Trini and Marci taking my hands in theirs. The jury sat down, not one of them speaking as they did. I tried to read their faces to see if I could determine what they had decided but I didn't get any clarification there.
"Please rise for the honorable Judge Matthews." A bailiff announced. We all stood and the judge entered from her chambers. She made quick work of getting to her seat and sitting, allowing us to be seated again. There was a heavy air of tension in the room, everyone waiting to hear the outcome. Another door opened and Nick was led into the room. Like before, he was chained to the table and the bailiff hovered behind him within arms reach. The judge reviewed a piece of paper in front of her before lifting her head and looking out at the room.
"The court would like to remind everyone that outbursts of any nature will not be tolerated. I understand that this case has been an emotional one for everyone involved. I ask that when the verdict is read that those who can not contain themselves to remove themselves from the room. I will not be asking again." She shifted in her seat and set her eyes on the jury foreman. "Has the jury reached their verdict?" A woman who appeared to be in her mid-forties stood up, long brown hair behind her and a bright red shirt on her torso.
"Yes, your honor." She replied. She held out a piece of paper to the bailiff next to her. The man took it and walked it over to Judge Matthews who opened it. She read it for what felt like a lifetime before folding it back up and returning it to the bailiff. He walked it back over to the jury box and the woman took it again. Sweat formed on my brow and I squeezed Marci and Trini's hands tightly.
"Will the defendant please rise?" The judge asked. Mr. Powers assisted Nick in standing. Nick glanced in my direction, a smug and cocky look on his face. I glared at him, wanting him to know that I wasn't backing down. "Upon each indictment, how does the jury find?" The judge asked. The woman of the jury looked down at a piece of paper in her hand.
"The jury finds the defendant, Mr. Nicholas Anderson, guilty of all charges." The woman said. I felt something inside of me and a wave of emotion washed over me. Tears slipped down my cheeks as murmur filled the room.
"Does this include the charges of assault, attempted murder, and rape?" The judge asked.
"Yes, your honor." The woman replied. Nick shook his head, an angry expression on his face.
"The court thanks the men and women of the jury for their time during this case." The judge said before turning to face forward in her seat again. "Mr. Anderson, the crimes you have been found guilty of are, in my opinion, some of the most unforgivable I have had to hear testimony of. It's ridiculous to me that you believed that a jury of your peers was going to find you innocent of the crimes you committed against your wife and unborn child. I pray that you will never have access to the child and that your wife will move on to live the happy life she deserves, free from you and the evilness inside of your soul. It is with this belief and with the given evidence that I sentence you to the maximum twenty five years to life in a state facility with the possibility of parole starting in the year 2030. I sincerely hope you use this time to reflect on your actions and work to become a better person than the one you have been so far in life. Bailiffs please remove the defendant to begin his sentence." She banged her gavel.
"Fuck you and fuck this court!" Nick yelled. He turned to look at me. "I will find you and I will not stop until you and every last one of you assholes are dead!"
"Remove him from this court!" The judge bellowed. The bailiffs dragged Nick from the room, kicking and screaming. Once the door was closed, I felt the relief of what had just occurred come over me. Nick was going to prison for what could be the rest of his life. I was never going to have to see his face again. I was going to be safe and so was my baby. Everyone I loved no longer had to fear about what he could possibly do to us.
"Kimberly, I wish you the best of luck in the future." The judge said, smiling at me before leaving for her chambers. The jury was excused as we stood. Marci gave me a bone crushing hug that I returned.
"I was shitting my pants there for a minute." She said, letting go of me. "You did it though. That sleazy excuse of a person is going away for a long time."
"That he is." Trini said, rubbing my back.
"Thank you guys so much for everything. I can't believe it's finally over." I said, dabbing at my eyes with the back of my hands. Tommy reached out and handed me a tissue from his pocket. Looking past him, I saw that Zack and Rocky were gone and that Aisha also wasn't there. "Where are Aisha, Rocky, and Zack?" I asked.
"They went to check on Aisha cause she was taking so long in the bathroom. I'm pretty sure Zack keeled over somewhere from his hangover." Jason replied.
"Teach him to do power shots with Rocky again." Adam said, smiling. We filed out of the courtroom and into the hallway. When we did, I saw Zack come running up the hallway from the direction of the backdoor of the courthouse.
"Woah. Slow down, man." Jason said as Zack skidded to a stop. "The verdict came in. He's going to jail forever."
"That's great!" Zack panted, trying to catch his breath. "But we gotta go."
"Why? What's going on?" Trini asked.
"Aisha's on her way to the hospital. Her water broke."
