"Hello and welcome to the second episode of Jojora's Variety Show! I am your gossip loving host, Jojora Teeheena Icadora!" Jojora happily yelled into her mic. The audience cheered for her.
"And I'm the host that you all love to hate, King Bowser Koopa! Bwahahaha!" Bowser cackled. The audience cheered for him too, albeit less enthusiastically.
"So last time, the episode sure ended on a...'crazy' note. As you can see here, we've had people attempt to repair the place due to the damage that that ugly beast did last time. Remind me to NEVER get a Chain Chomp as a pet!" Jojora shrieked. The camera panned to the walls and ceiling of the room they were in, showing all the cracks and holes that were made. "But there shouldn't be any more worry about damage happening to this place, as we've set Chain Chomp free out into the wilderness where he belongs, because he CLEARLY doesn't belong with us normal folk."
"Sorry to change the subject here, but does anyone have some potato chips on them? I am starving!" Bowser complained.
"Didn't you just eat some cherry pie about 20 minutes ago?" Jojora questioned.
"Yes I did. Your point?" Bowser scowled.
"Um...no comment. Anyways, let's introduce our guests this episode! Starting from the bottom left of the panel, we have the greediest and smelliest guy who's ever lived...Wario everyone!" Jojora said. Wario stood up and shook what his momma gave him, grossing out everyone else.
"DUDE! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!? You can't do that on public TV! You're going to cause blindness to millions of innocent people! Sit your ass down, boy!" Bowser roared.
"What do you mean I can't do that on TV? If Miley Cyrus can twerk and grind in front of a guy at some award show, then why can't I do something as simple as a booty shake? Quit being biased, you ogre!" Wario retorted.
"Dude, you just basically compared yourself to Miley Cyrus. You have officially lost all your credibility...well, not like you really had that much in the first place," Jojora smirked.
"Pfff whatever! If I was some insanely hot guy doing that, you wouldn't be saying crap, you fame whore!" Wario insulted and the audience gasped. He was then hit in the head by Jojora's microphone, which made him fall over.
"People, please do not listen to a word that Wario says. He eats garlic 24/7 for crying out loud! That should be enough of a reason to believe he's delusional!" Jojora said, taking Bowser's mic so she could be heard again. "Now, moving on, our next panel member is basically a walking, talking skeleton...it's Dry Bones everyone!"
Dry Bones waved to the audience. "What's up, everyone? I feel honored to be here! I was actually a bit nervous when I got accepted to be a panel member because when I'm nervous, I tend to talk A LOT and very fast as well. Like this one time in 10th grade, I was doing an oral presentation about the history of Viridian City and then suddenly I started to stutter, you know? It came out of nowhere and I was all like 'Um...' and everyone else was like 'Awkward' and my teacher was like 'IMMA FIRING MAH LAZER BLAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH.' It was so weird, like something you only see in a Hollywood movie, ya know?"
Jojora raised her eyebrow, shifting her eyes to the audience and back to him. "Um...I have no idea what the hell you just said but I'll just go with yes. Moving on, next there's-"
"Wait, I'm not finished yet! So after I realized I stuttered, I try to regain myself and start over my sentence. After I finished the sentence I was saying, I moved onto the next and I stuttered again! At this point, my hands were getting sweaty and my legs were getting shaky. At that point, my brain was all over the place!" Dry Bones interrupted.
"Okay, that's cute and all, but we really need to move on so we can fit this into the time slot. Next up is-"
"I actually think I was getting really close to fainting, you know? Like, I was starting to feel light headed and my vision was getting a bit blurry as well..." He interrupted yet again.
"Can you stop it already!?" Jojora yelled. "We need to move on right now! Our next panel member is-"
"Actually, you know what? I'm pretty sure I DID faint! It's all coming back to me now. I fainted and I woke up in the nurse's office, on a soft bed. I have no idea how I'm remembering all of this just now!"
"Dry Bones, stop it!"
"To be honest though, I'm almost positive that I didn't eat something that morning, which most likely had something to do with it. I don't know why I didn't though, I guess I just woke up late and had to rush to school."
"I SAID STOP!" Jojora screamed and threw Bowser's mic at his head, knocking it off many feet away. Everyone gasped at this.
"Thank you! I thought he would never shut up! That's why Dry Bones has always been my least favorite minions out of all of them! Why the hell do you think I have so many Koopatrols and Magikoopas hanging around my castle?" Bowser said.
"Ugh, Fly Guy, please give us our mics back and put Dry Bones' head back on as well. And Dry Bones? If you interrupt me one more time, ALL of your body pieces will be scattered about!" Jojora demanded.
"Oh? Is that suppose to be a threat?" Dry Bones asked while his head was being put back on by Fly Guy.
"No, it's suppose to be a compliment...OF COURSE IT'S A THREAT!" Jojora yelled. She and Bowser grabbed the mics that were returned to them. "Moving on now, our next panel member is a cheep cheep who came from some island with a volcano that's most likely going to erupt in a few years and cause doomsday...it's Sushie, everyone!"
Everyone cheered for Sushie as she waved her fin about. "Hey guys! Um...errr...I don't really have anything cool to say, actually. Sigh...I am so lame and boring..." Sushie depressingly said, causing an awkward silence throughout the room.
"...Okay then? I guess we're moving on. Wow. Next panel member is a pink, female hedgehog who hails from the popular, but now horribly developed Sonic the Hedgehog series. It's Amy Rose everyone!" Jojora said. Everyone cheered wild and loud for her.
"Hello everyone! I can't believe I'm really on TV, heh heh! Sonic, if you're watching this, I love you and you better rescue me and Charmy soon because I don't wanna be stuck in this rathole of a city for much longer!" Amy yelled to the camera. A few people gasped at what she said.
"Rathole of a city? Girl, don't you dare be talking about Mushroom City like that! It's a lot better than boring and basic Station Square, that's for sure! We have a freaking three story arcade and a 64 story hotel! Quit hating!" Jojora yelled.
"Well, for a city that's oh so 'luxurious' it sure is trashy! Me and Charmy traveled through downtown and I seriously can't count how many gang members and homeless guys I saw in the alleys over there! I could've sworn I heard a gunshot as well!" Amy exclaimed.
"You do realize that's in EVERY huge city, right? I mean, geez, I hate this entire country, but even I can be able to admit that this city has its amazing perks. Wow, that took a lot of courage for me to say!" Bowser said in pride.
"BOO, YOU STINK!" Yelled a random audience and threw a cheeseburger at Amy, hitting and staining her shirt.
"HEY! THIS WAS A NEW SHIRT TOO YOU JACKASS! Man, I wish Sonic was here! He always makes everything better..." Amy sighed and slumped in her chair.
"Alright, let's move on before Stalker Chick says anything more stupid. Next panel member is an old sailor bomb who lives for the seven seas, it's Bobbery everyone!" Jojora said. Everyone cheered for him.
"I must say, in all my years of living, I have NEVER appeared on TV before! This is such a milestone in my life and I'm glad to say that I've accomplished it before I die!" Bobbery proudly spoke. Everyone cheered louder for him this time, praising his unique words.
"Wow! That was actually inspirational! And for once, I don't have anything bitchy or shady to say about that! Huh, there must be a 'nice' virus spreading around...anyways, moving on! This chick was a main female character in the WarioWare series and has her own pizzeria, it's Mona everyone!" Everyone cheered for the sporty girl, including a couple of 'woos' from the guys.
"Hey guys! It's a bit overwhelming to be here, since I don't really interact with the Mario characters that much nor do I visit Mushroom City that often. Actually, I'm not even sure how I got here. I think I literally just woke up at Wario's house right before all that kidnapping chaos happened!" Mona exclaimed. Everyone else gasped and made disgusted faces.
"No no no! It's not what you think! Mona was over my place because she needed to get her Spyro game back, so I gave it to her and I offered her an alcoholic beverage and she accepted. Unfortunately, she got TOO out of control and ended up drinking an extra 4 bottles!" Wario explained. The audience were heard talking and gossiping amongst themselves about this issue.
"Holy crap! And I thought that Bowser Jr. was an out of control alcoholic!" Bowser shrieked.
"Wait a second, you're telling me I drank five beers!? That's insane! I only drink beer when I'm out partying with my friends! You probably drugged me and violated me, you son of a bitch!" Mona angrily yelled.
"WHAT!? I did no such thing! I may be a bastard and a fatass, but I still have my morals!" Wario retorted.
"And let's face it, Wario would've probably suffocated her even if he TRIED to do that! Bwahahaha!" Bowser cackled and the audience laughed. Wario growled and flipped off the koopa king.
"Fun fact, there's a rumor going around that Mona's boobs are fake. Mona, can you confirm if this is true?" Jojora asked like a television reporter. The audience gasped and gossiped even more.
"EXCUSE ME!? They are not fake! Where the hell did you even get that from!? Did you tell them that, Wario!?" Mona raged.
"I didn't tell them anything! Why would you think I would do that for? You clearly don't know me well enough, missy!" Wario scolded.
"Hmm...they DO look a little too big on her. It's really a shame how girls these days just can't be natural and accept their bodies. I mean, I know I weigh over a thousand pounds and my stature is the size of a billboard, and my face is as ugly as a clown high on ecstasy, but I've come to accept it, you know? Now, I feel confident about myself and I don't give a crap about what y'all haters say!" Bowser preached.
"Wow, look out everyone! We've got a badass over here!" Wario joked and laughed.
"I'm telling you, my boobs aren't fake! Now let's drop this stupid subject and continue on already!" Mona demanded.
Jojora laughed at the poor girl. "Fine then. We're moving to the top panel now, so it's your turn Bowser to introduce the next members!
"Okie dokie! Next panel member is a friend of mine. She's an old witch who likes to argue with my kids a lot and gets cranky very easily. Kammy Koopa, everyone!" Bowser said and everyone cheered for her.
"Just a little warning for everyone, do NOT piss me off or else I will cast a spell on you, turning you into a pathetic goomba who can get defeated easily by a simple stomp on the head! Mwahhahahaha!" Kammy warned and evilly laughed. Everyone widened their eyes at her.
"Wait, she can actually do that!?" Jojora asked in shock.
"Yeah she can. She actually turned Morton into a cat a year ago because he kept stealing her Taylor Swift CD's. I actually didn't mind it at first since I thought having a cat around would be pretty neat, but then I had enough when one day, the Morton cat was literally clawing my pillows and sheets and also left behind a little 'present' for me under my bed. Cats are a freaking nightmare, I tell you!" Bowser exclaimed.
"Can't argue with you there. Pets are annoying in general, especially when they shed hair all over the place. Talk about annoying!" Jojora agreed.
"Right? Anyways, next up we have a koopa who is...uhh...pretty much just a regular, boring koopa who traveled and helped with Mario trying to defeat me a long time ago. Yeah, there's nothing really special about this guy at all. It's Kooper!" Bowser insulted. Kooper made a scowl face at Bowser while the audience cheered for him.
"What's wrong, Bowser? Still mad that you managed to get beaten by Mario even when you thought you were invincible? You are seriously the definition of a hater. Grow up already!" Kooper schooled him. The audience cheered him on and shouted his name.
"Grrrrrr! You better watch what you say, you little parasite! I could easily crush you with both hands tied behind my back!" Bowser threatened.
"Okay." Kooper simply replied.
"Okay? That's it? You're not gonna give a comeback or anything like that?" Bowser asked in confusion. Kooper didn't respond, he just sat there, smirking at the fuming koopa. "HELLO!? Why aren't you answering me? DON'T YOU DARE LEAVE ME HANGING LIKE THIS YOU SON OF A BITCH! GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Bowser raged, repeatedly stomping the ground.
"Bowser, stop it! You're going to make the ceiling crash down due to the huge impact force your stomping is making! Just introduce the next person already!" Jojora yelled.
Bowser stopped stomping and sighed. "Whatever! Next person we have is a Goomba who is a fanboy of Mario. Excuse me while I try not to gag! It's Goombario!"
The audience cheered once again as Goombario waved to them. "Hello world! I wonder if Goombella is watching this? Hey babe! I hope you're doing well on your platformer adventure! Love ya always!"
Jojora raised her eyebrow. "Since when are you and Goombella a 'thing?' Are you two even dating?"
"Of course we are! We just haven't made anything official yet! All I need to do is ask her out and offer her a bunch of candies and jewelry, and then we'll live happily ever after!" Goombario cheered. The audience talked amongst themselves in confusion.
"What the hell!? You don't just offer a woman a bunch of superficial crap and expect them to fall for you! That isn't how it works, buddy. I highly suggest you wait until you're 21 to date, because honey, you're going to be a freaking mess if you start dating now," Jojora warned.
"Bwahahaha! Look at this idiot! He seriously thinks that goomba chick is going to fall in love him! You are DESPERATE and THIRSTY for love, my friend. Tell me, do you have any family issues?" Bowser laughed.
"Oh? And this is coming from the guy who's in love with a freaking human being who also happens to be over half her size with personalities that don't even match!? Why don't you stick a giant cork in that fat mouth of yours!?" Goombario insulted. The audience 'Oooooooooooh'd' and Bowser fumed even more.
"Don't you bring her into this, shorty! You don't even have proof that I'm in love with her! Even if you did, you of all people should not be giving relationship advice!" Bowser retorted.
"I can do whatever the hell I want, you fat bastard! You're nothing but a two-timing piece of crap who is always angry at the world and a failure in life because he can't conquer the world FOR SHIT!" Goombario raised his voice.
"And you're nothing but an annoying douchebag who thinks he knows everything, when you're really just some loser who is obsessed with a freaking plumber that isn't even good looking and who's video games are OVERRATED TO HIGH HEAVENS!" Bowser also raised his voice.
"SCUMBAG!" Goombario screamed now.
"TRASH!" Bowser roared.
"WIDELOAD!"
"EGOMANIAC!"
"MAMA'S BOY!"
"AKU AKAN MEMBUNUH ANDA SALAH SATU INI HARI!" Bowser yelled in a completely different language.
"What the hell!?" Everyone else yelled at the exact same time.
"Uhhhhhhhhh...okay! Let's give Bowser a break from the introductions and keep moving on, already. Next up is our one and only returning panel member, Lakilulu!" Jojora said. Everyone booed at her again.
"JOJORA, YOU BITCH! Why did you tie my legs and arms to this chair!? I seriously need to scratch my back and I can't even move the chair! This is abuse, you know!" Lakilulu shouted.
"It's not abuse, it's called entertainment, my friend. It's simply really, you're the most hated character in the Mario universe so therefore, putting you in situations where you receive pain and torment brings the viewers and ratings in!" Jojora happily explained.
"I don't care if it brings in some stupid viewers and ratings! Untie me right now or else I'll get my boyfriend to throw a crapload of spiny shells at your hideous face!" Lakilulu threatened.
"SHUT YOUR FACE, HOE!" Yelled a random audience member and threw a plastic cup of chocolate pudding at her. The pudding splattered all over her face and everyone else laughed at her torture, except for one person who wasn't taking it.
"Dear god, what is the matter with you people!? Laughing and torturing a poor lakitu girl all for the sake of entertainment? For what good reason do any of you have for treating this poor girl like dirt!? You all should be ashamed of yourselves! This kind of behavior is inexcusable, I tell you!" Bobbery snapped.
"Well if you don't like it so much, then just ignore it! No one's asking your expired ass to be a part of the hating crowd!" Kammy retorted.
"I'm not going to just sit here and let this madness keep on happening! I'm going to stand up and fight for what I believe is right! Get over it!" Bobbery raised his voice.
"More like you wanna invade into everyone's business! Cut out the 'holier than thou' act, no one is falling for your tired shtick!" Kammy also raised her voice.
"Wow, this is exciting! Two old people really going at it! Who would've ever thought that would actually happen?" Bowser laughed.
"I swear to god, we need to seriously turn this place into a wrestling arena. Imagine all the violence and trash talking that could happen...OOH! The very thought just makes me wanna dance! Anyways, our last panel member is a pop star who is now desperately trying to find her way back to fame. It's the one and only Lady SaSa everyone!" Jojora said. Everyone clapped for the platinum blonde, golden lipstick, and sparkly eyeshadowed celebrity.
"Hello everyone! Yes, it's me, Lady SaSa in the flesh! I promise you I am not an imitator nor am I a drag queen! In case you don't know or remember who I am, I came out with a smash global hit song back in 2009 called 'Poke Her Face' and again later that year with 'Good Romance'. I also came out with another hit song called 'Die This Way' in 2011, but ever since then, I seem to have faded from the public a little bit. But now, I have comeback with a new song that will surely be universally loved! I'm going to perform it right here, right now!" Lady SaSa vibrantly explained.
"Woah woah woah, hold on there! We have a show to do, we don't have time for your freaky performance!" Jojora objected, but Lady SaSa went on to the stage anyways and stole Jojora's mic and ran to the center.
"Alright everyone, you ready? HIT THE MUSIC!" She yelled and electro dance-pop music started to play.
I live for the applesauce, applesauce, applesauce
I live for the applesauce, sauce
Live for the applesauce, sauce, live for the
Way that it makes me have extreme cravings
The applesauce, applesauce, applesauce
Give me that thing that I love!
I'll turn the lights out!
Put your spoons up and dig in!
Eat it all down!
Give me that thing that I love!
Cover me in applesauce!
Lick that container clean!
Make it spotless!
A-P-P-L-E-S-A-U-C-E
Eat it all down!
Put your spoons up and dig in, dig in!
I-A-M-N-O-T-C-R-A-Z-Y!
The music ended and everyone had their jaws dropped and were silent.
"Thank you everyone for listening and enjoying the show! Please remember to buy my song on iTunes, it costs 100 coins, only because I'm desperate for money," Lady SaSa said.
Then suddenly, the audience exploded in a fit of 'boos' and threw various objects at her, including a pig! Lady SaSa started to cry and ran off the stage.
"Thank god that's over with! That was completely terrible, one of the worst songs I've ever heard!" Jojora harshly criticized.
"Are you kidding me? That song was a JAM! I'm totally going to buy it 5 times on iTunes tonight!" Bowser cheered.
"Yeah, have fun with that...ANYWAYS! Now we can finally get to the freaking fun part of the show! Like I said last episode, we need you viewers to donate money to Mushroom City so we can get everything repaired just like the way it was before. Fly Guy, show us how much money we need right now!" Jojora said. Fly Guy flew up to the where the big TV screen was and pressed the red button. The number 998,997,000 was shown, making some of the audience gasp.
"Wow! Still a big number! Looks like this is going to take longer than we thought to reach our goal...well, no matter. Remember viewers, call (128) 643-9577 to donate your money! And if you have a heart and aren't a greedy snob, you should totally do it! Alright now Bowser, you get the wheel of woe, while I explain what the first challenge is going to be," Jojora said. They both went off stage, but Jojora immediately came right back carrying a big black bag.
"Now, in here is garbage taken from the dumpster right outside the building. I'm dead serious, this IS garbage in all its filth and disgustingness. Whoever gets covered with this will definitely need to take a six hour shower!" Jojora explained and the audience had looks of disgust, some even tried to not gag at the sight of it. Bowser came back with the wheel of woe, having the panel members faces on it.
"Alright Bowser, spin it and let's see who gets to be the first victim!" Jojora said. Bowser spun the wheel and after about 30 seconds, the pointer landed on Amy Rose.
"Ah, it's stalker girl! Come on down, girlie!" Jojora teased.
"Oh you have got to be kidding me! If Sonic were here, he would've surely offered take my position for me!" Amy cried and started walking to her.
"Is that something you tell yourself everytime you're in a troublesome situation?" Kooper groaned.
"Alright viewers, call right now if you want to see Amy Rose AKA the pink hedgehog who's obsessed with Sonic AKA the lovesick weirdo AKA the walking moodswing AKA the girl who has bad taste in fashion, get covered in nasty waste!" Bowser said to the camera. Right after that, all the phones started ringing and the panel members answered them.
"Excellent! So Amy, are you ready?" Jojora smirked.
"NO! I AM NOT READY!" Amy yelled.
"Too bad, cause here it comes!" Jojora said and dumped the entire contents of the bag onto Amy. The audience screamed in disgust and looked away.
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! OH MY GOD! I THINK SOME OF IT WENT IN MY BRA! Oh god...I'm gonna be sick!" Amy squealed and puked on the floor, grossing out the audience even more.
Bowser cringed at the entire sight. "Jeeze, even for my tastes, this is definitely gross! I think you might've overdone it, Jojora..."
"Nonsense! This is perfect entertainment! It's everything the public wants to see!" Jojora cheered.
"Ugh...I feel terrible...and I smell terrible too! I'm so dizzy..." Amy said in a tired out voice. She stumbled forward and slipped on her puke, falling off the stage and making the audience scream in shock.
"...Okay, maybe that WAS a little too much. Can we get a medic in here and lots of spray cans? Thanks! Alright, now let's see how much money the viewers have donated to us now! PRESS THE BUTTON!" Jojora said and Fly Guy pushed it, the number changing to 998,996,000.
"What!? Only a thousand coins again!? For crying out loud, do you people seriously not care that Mushroom City will forever be doomed if nothing is done about it? GOD! THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY I HATE THE WORLD! EVERYONE IS A STUPID, SELFISH BASTARD WHO ONLY CARES ABOUT THEIR OWN FREAKING MONEY!" Bowser angrily roared.
"You do realize you just described yourself, right? How hypocritical of you," Goombario commented.
"WELL, IT'S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY MONEY MONEY! WE DON'T NEED YOUR MONEY MONEY MONEY! WE JUST WANNA MAKE THE WORLD DANCE! FORGET ABOUT THE PRICE TAG!" Lady SaSa sang as she ran back up on stage.
"Why the hell did you come back here for? Go away already! No one likes you and your overrated voice!" Jojora scowled.
"I came back because being torn down by the public is exactly what every mainstream pop star goes through! I must learn how to deal with the hardships of being in the industry so I can become a stronger artist, you know? I have to at least try! I GOTTA GET UP AND TRY, TRY, TRY! I GOTTA GET UP AND TRY, TRY, TRY!" Lady SaSa sang yet again. She was then hit in the head by a lamp and knocked out instantly.
"Thank you to whoever did that! Sheesh. Anyways, in order to get more money donated to us, we're gonna have to REALLY up the stakes this time. Bowser, you spin the wheel of woe, and I'll be right back! This challenge requires two people so make sure to spin it twice!" Jojora said and ran off the stage again. Bowser spun the wheel and it stopped, the pointer landing on Dry Bones.
"Bwahaha! The annoying chatter box is the first victim! Let's see who's next!" Bowser laughed and spun the wheel again. It stopped on Sushie. "Seriously? SUSHIE? The fish that has no personality paired up with the chatter box? What a boring combination! This had better be a good one, Jojora!"
"Hey, I DO have a personality! My personality is...um...being uninteresting?" Sushie said as she and Dry Bones walked to the stage.
Jojora ran back up on stage, carrying a large bob-omb. "I'm back! We are going to play Hot Bob-omb! The rules are that you must pass the bob-omb to each other, back and forth. You stop doing it until the bomb explodes and the person that's still holding the bomb when it explodes, gets blasted into outer space! It's THAT powerful! It's a wonder how they manage to legally sell these in stores...anyways, call right now if you want to see this inevitable mess happen!"
The phones started ringing again, which satisfied Jojora. "Perfect! But let's see how much these people are going to donate this time. Alright guys, you ready? Dry Bones, you start it off. GO!" Jojora passed the bob-omb to him.
"YIKES! This is so heavy! Take it, take it! I don't want it!" Dry Bones screeched and threw it to Sushie.
"AH! And you think that I actually want it? Take it back, man!" Sushie cried, passing it back to Dry Bones.
"You know, this reminds me of the time when I was playing Mario Party 2. My character was Yoshi and I was playing the Hot Bob-omb minigame, right? So I swear to god, everyone kept passing the bob-omb to me! And I don't even know why! Was it because I was the only human player there? Was it because I passed it too fast? I mean, I DID win first place, but still, I was REALLY close to getting out, and it still kinda bothers me to this day as to why they always passed it to me instead of-"
"JUST SHUT THE HELL UP AND THROW THE MOTHER FREAKING BOB-OMB ALREADY!" Yelled the entire world. Dry Bones shrieked and threw it to Sushie. The bob-omb started to turn red.
"Eeek, it's red! Red is the color of blood and hell, and it's also the color of Bowser's hair, so that automatically means it's a bad color to associate anything with! TAKE IT!" Sushie yelled and threw it back.
"Awww, is someone jealous of the fact that they have no hair? BWAHAHAHA!" Bowser teased.
"That's highly discrimatory against bald people, Bowser! Plus, Roy, Morton, and Wendy don't have hair either! Are you gonna make fun of them too? Do you hate your kids or do you just like being the biggest hypocrite to ever exist?" Dry Bones scolded and tossed the bob-omb.
"YOU JUST GOT BURNED!" The audience yelled and laughed.
"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! You better not piss me off you pile of bones, I could easily blast your entire body into ashes!" Bowser roared.
"Or better yet, I could simply remove the dunce's mouth with my wand, making him speak no more of his stories that no one cares about!" Kammy laughed.
"You two are so rude! You're never gonna get far in life if you keep on-"
BOOM!
The bob-omb exploded, making Sushie blast through the ceiling and into outer space. The crowd gasped at the sudden event.
"Well, looks we have our winner! Congratulations Dry Bones!" Jojora said and the audience cheered for him.
"Awesome! What do I win?" Dry Bones asked in excitement.
"You win...absolutely nothing! NOW BACK TO YOUR SEAT, BITCH!" Bowser yelled and literally kicked Dry Bones off the stage.
"Okay then! Let's see how many coins you viewers have donated to us! PRESS THE BUTTON!" Jojora said. Fly Guy pressed the red button and the new number was now 998,991,000 coins.
"Ooh! 5,000 coins this time! Slight improvement, but we can do better! Actually no, YOU viewers can do better! If you're not evil like Bowser, then that clearly means you have the ability to support us! Anyways, I'm gonna go get the stuff for the last challenge. This one requires three people this time, so Bowser, you need to spin the wheel three times! BEE ARE BEE!" Jojora said and ran off the stage again.
Bowser spun the wheel of woe and the first person it landed on was Wario.
"The first victim is Wario! Get your fat booty down here, garlic-breath!" Bowser ordered.
"Is that suppose to be an insult? Garlic is LIFE! It's better than eating mushrooms, that's for sure!" Wario said, walking to the stage.
"I actually agree with you there. I never got the big deal with mushrooms. They've always tasted like a combo of brussel sprouts and pork...YUCK!" Kooper gagged.
Bowser spun the wheel again and it landed on Mona.
"Looks like you're the second victim, fake boobs! Get on down here with your secret lover!" Bowser taunted.
"I already told you, my boobs are not fake you jackass! AND WARIO IS NOT MY LOVER!" Mona shouted, stomping to the stage.
"WE'RE NOT LOVERS! BUT MORE THAN FRIENDS! PUT A FLAME TO EVERY SINGLE WORD YOU'VE EVER SAID! NO MORE CRYING! TO GET ME THROUGH! I KEEP DANCING TILL THE MORNING WITH SOMEBODY NEW! TONIGHT I'M GETTING OVER YOU!" Lady SaSa sang out of nowhere, standing back up. She was then hit with a full bottle of Coca-Cola and got knocked out again.
"Thanks to whoever did that! That girl is seriously better off being a GoGo dancer. NEXT!" Bowser said and spun the wheel once more. The pointer landed on Lakilulu, making everyone cheer so they could see her get tortured again.
"BWAHAHA! EXCELLENT! Come on down, Lakilulu! Or else I'll make you come down!" Bowser threatened.
"Umm, even if I wanted to go down, I CAN'T BECAUSE I'M TIED UP!" Lakilulu yelled.
"Oh...that's right. Kammy, will you untie her please? And try to make sure she doesn't escape afterwards!" Bowser said.
Kammy went over to Lakilulu's seat and untied the ropes. After that, she used her wand to blast the lakitu over to the center stage, knocking over Wario. The audience laughed at this.
"YOW! Get this broad off of me! I don't wanna get infected by whatever kind of virus she has!" Wario screeched.
"I DON'T HAVE A VIRUS, YOU WIDELOAD! AT LEAST I'M NOT AT RISK OF HAVING OBESITY!" Lakilulu retorted.
"That's it, you've done it! Just because you said that, I'm going to make you smell my godawful stenched shoe! SMELL IT, BITCH! SMELL IT!" Wario yelled, taking off his shoe and holding it to her face.
"EWW! Get that disgusting piece of trash away from me!" Lakilulu shrieked.
"I WILL ONCE YOU SMELL THIS DISGUSTING PIECE OF TRASH!" Wario replied and threw his shoe at her. Lakilulu ducked in time, but the shoe flew further than he thought and hit Goombario, knocking him out of his seat.
Bowser facepalmed himself. "My god, this show is a disaster..."
Jojora came back on the stage, carrying two bullet bill cannons. "Okay! A bunch of bullet bills are going to shoot out of these cannons and you three must dodge them! The bullet bills will be coming at you at high speed, so stay alert. You'll have a time limit of 5 minutes. The only rules there are, is that you can NOT go off stage and you must stay in the cannon's trajectory. Whoever is left, wins!"
"Bullet bills? No problem. This is going to be a piece of cake," Mona smirked in confidence.
"But before we start, I'm going to ask you viewers to donate money right now if you want to see this happen! Without your money, we can't start the event which means that we don't get to see any chaos happen! So give us your money right now or else there will be a spot for you waiting in Hell! Hahahaha!" Jojora evilly laughed, but the entire room was silent, everyone having widened eyes.
"Jojora? I don't think it's a good idea to use religion as a threat to get people to donate. You know how some people can be about that..." Bowser said. Despite that, the phone calls started to come in.
"Totally awesome! You all ready? GO!" Jojora then set off the cannons, which released the first bullet bills.
Mona and Lakilulu easily jumped over the first two. Wario barely made it past those because of his weight.
"What's the matter, Wario? Don't think you can handle it?" Lakilulu taunted.
"Oh, I can handle it alright! NOW SHUT UP AND LET ME FOCUS!" Wario growled.
The second set of bullet bills came. Mona jumped over them with ease again.
"This game is TOO easy. Why didn't you try to make it harder, Jojora?" Lakilulu complained. As the bullet bills came to her, Wario pushed her into it, blasting Lakilulu away and crashed into the walls. The audience laughed at her.
"One down, two to go!" Jojora said.
The third set of bullet bills came and Wario decided to pull another trick.
"Hey Mona! I can see your hair extensions!" Wario yelled. Mona shrieked and turned around.
"WHAT? I don't have any extensions! Whoever told you that is a liar!" She yelled. The bullet bills hit her, also blasting her away and crashed into the same wall that Lakilulu did. The audience laughed and cheered.
"YES! I'M A NUMBER ONE, BITCHES!" Wario cheered and gave the peace sign to the audience. However, the bullet bills were still coming and they hit him as well, blasting him away and crashed into the floor this time.
"Haha! Sucker got too caught up in his victory! Let's see how much people donated this time!" Jojora said. Fly Gut pushed the red button and the number changed to 997,991,000 coins.
"Sweet, a million coins again! Thanks viewers! Unfortunately, we're out of air time right now so tune in next time and we'll have plenty of chaos and Lakilulu torturing for you to enjoy!" Jojora said to the cameras.
"Uhh, Jojora? Those cannons are still shooting out bullet bills. How do you turn them off?" Bowser asked.
"Oh. You just press the OFF button on here!" Jojora said, walking to the cannons. She pressed the button that was labeled OFF, but nothing was happening. She pressed it again, but bullet bills were still shooting out.
"What the hell? Why isn't this thing working? SHUT OFF ALREADY!" Jojora yelled and pounded the cannons. Bullet bills started coming out faster than ever and the cannons themselves started to spin out of control, shooting the bullet bills all over the place. The audience members screamed and scrambled to get out. The bullet bills smashed and destroyed almost everything they hit, causing a mess.
"HOLY GUACAMOLE!" Bowser shrieked. He was hit by a bullet bill, crashing him into the wall behind him.
"Oh god...what have I done..." Jojora said in worry. A ton of bullet bills smashed into the ceiling, making various stuff from above fall down onto the floor. Jojora looked above her to see a book shelf slowly falling down from the hole above.
"AWWWW SHI-"
SMASH!
EOC.
Poor Jojora. Her and her show never seem to get a break. Next chapter will have the main 13 coming back and a few important matters will be discussed among them and others.
