May 15th, 2005
Angel Grove, CA
I'll admit that the first few nights were rough. It took both Tommy and I to get Lily into a routine that she was used to. Things got easier once she was able to take a bath and it seemed to soothe her quicker before bed. At her first doctor's appointment, the doctor said she was doing great and had gained a couple of pounds. I noticed she was starting to be more awake and more alert now too, staying awake for longer periods of time. This made me excited because I could spend more time with her and see what her personality was like. When she was awake, she loved to look around the room and just take everything in. She also loved watching the television, especially if there was something with music on. She also liked to look at her hands and feet while she was in her swing. They amazed her beyond belief, a look of bewilderment on her face each time she caught sight of them. She already had a bit of an attitude when she didn't get what she wanted fast enough, something Marci and my mother teased was my DNA in her.
Her favorite thing though was being near Tommy. It didn't matter if he was just in the room or if he was holding her. She always had her eyes on him. The second she hears his voice or spots him, all her attention turns to him. I suppose that's the me inside of her as well. The looks she would give him always brought a smile to my face because I could tell that it was nothing but love she had for him already. And I knew the feeling was mutual from the way his face lit up the second he saw her. He had cancelled his classes for the next two weeks, finding coverage for those he couldn't cancel just so that he could be here with us. When he did have to leave the house, he would rush back and act casual like he hadn't just so he could be. It was adorable and sweet, making me smile when he wasn't looking.
Eventually, Tommy moved back into his room after spending those first two weeks in mine. It was nice having him there and waking up with him in the morning. But we had agreed to keep our distance while we were working on ourselves so it only made sense for him to be in the other room. Plus, he had early morning classes and meetings with the contractors to finish up the plans for the new dojo. He didn't want to wake us up when he had to leave on the off chance that the baby was letting me sleep in for once. I missed having him in there with me, especially in the middle of the night when Lily would wake up. But if he heard her crying for a long time or loudly, he would make sure to pop his head in to check on me to see if I needed any help. Tommy was doing a great job at helping me out when I needed him to. Marci was as well. Though I tried to not ask much of her, she always jumped up to help if she thought I needed it. She would help with laundry, cooking dinner, chores around the house and then would take the baby so I could shower or take a break. Having the both of them here was a blessing, one that I was grateful for.
With the start of May came the end of school for Marci and finals. She passed all her classes and received high marks on all her tests, something I had to thank Trini and Billy for. They had been helping her study at their places, our house not the quietest place to get the job done with the baby. I was very proud of her and I could tell she was very excited about becoming a senior now. She had some big goals in mind for the next year but she was more focused on the summer, one she planned on spending with her boyfriend Josh. He'd become a staple at our house lately after the initial fear of our first encounter wore off. He was a good kid from what I know of him but the two of them spend most of their time together in my line of vision. I'm not saying that I don't trust Marci but I was a teenager once and I know exactly how I was with Tommy when my mother wasn't looking. I wasn't about to let that happen again.
With May also came wedding planning for Adam and Billy. Things were beginning to get all put into place. The venue was set, the guest list made and invites sent out. They had stuck to their guns about having a small wedding and it was panning out to be a quiet but elegant day for them. I was so happy for them and loved hearing about the plans they had. Billy had given Adam most of the decision making power as he wasn't not as well versed in the art of party planning. Neither was Adam, however. So, he entrusted Aisha with doing a good amount of the work which was something she lived for. Adam and Billy requested that Tommy and I wear our former ranger colors, something that the rest of our group would be doing as well. Tommy wasn't sure which color he wanted to wear more but said he still had time to figure it out.
I received a call half way through May from Mr. Ridley. Since I hadn't been at the theater a full year before Lily's birth, I wasn't able to take a full maternity leave. I used up all my vacation and sick time plus another week that he was nice enough to give me but I was going to have to go back to work the last week of May. There was a great deal of work to do and another play to pick out, something they were trying to do while I was gone but were not succeeding at. This meant that I was going to have to leave Lily sooner than I wanted to. But Tommy said he would watch her while I was at work and Mr. Ridley said he would be alright with me working part time hour or so until I was ready to be completely back. With that, I headed back to work.
"Hey, Kimberly." Marci's voice said as I looked up from my desk. I was surprised to see her at the theater. It was a little after noon, my lunch open on the table in front of me. She smiled as she walked in, sitting in the chair across from me. There was a tall stack of scripts on the desk between us that I moved as I chewed my sandwich.
"Hey. What are you doing here?" I asked, wiping my mouth with a napkin.
"I'm meeting Josh for lunch but had some time to kill. How's your day going?" Reaching over, she stole a piece of celery from my baggie and took a bite out of it.
"Slow. We're still trying to pick out the new musical and it doesn't seem to be going very well. Everyone wants something different where I just want something I know will do well, ya know? Seems like we just might end up doing either the Sound of Music or the Wizard of Oz. They may be older but they are classics that are certain to have a sold out show. Even if I have to hire a band of midgets." Sighing, I leaned back in my chair. "Where are you and Josh going?"
"Just that little cafe and then a walk through the park." I smiled at the thought, I remembering my dates with Tommy when we would just stroll through the park without a care in the whole world. Well, besides a space witch with a pointy bra and fifty foot monsters.
"That sounds fun! You gonna be home for dinner? I'm making stir fry."
"I should be. Do you care if Josh comes over for dinner?" She asked, batting her eyes at me. I smiled.
"I don't care. You two are getting pretty serious." She shrugged her shoulders.
"It's nice. He's different from the boys down in Miami. He actually cares about the words that come out of my mouth rather than the body parts under my clothes. Honestly, I haven't met many boys like that here. Angel Grove is a special place."
"Yeah. It's special alright. It's like parents actually teach their kids how to be polite and respectful or something like that for some reason. How's Tommy doing with Lily? Was she awake when you left?" She nodded.
"He was getting ready to put her down for a nap when I left. I gave her a bath this morning. You should have seen the shitty blow out she did. It was god awful. And the smell could have knocked out an elephant. How is it even possible that such a small cute creature smells like rotten ass?"
"Genetics, I suppose. You ever been in the room when Tommy farted? It's bad." I finished my sandwich and tossed the wrapper into the garbage can next to my desk.
"Yes. Him and Rocky were trying to blame each other when we were in the hospital elevator when you had Lily. I was never so relieved to get out of an elevator before in my life. Speaking of genetics, we never really got to talk about how Tommy took it when you told him the truth. I'm going to guess well since he's still living with us. He wasn't mad at all?" She questioned.
"Oh. Well, no. He wasn't mad." I replied.
"See! I told you that he would understand. You totally underestimated him. I was putting off saying anything because I didn't want to make things awkward but I'm just glad it's out there. I've been dying inside to talk about it."
"How about we just don't talk about it, okay? I mean why bring it up? Tommy's a good dad and everything is great. Why push it?" I waved my hand at her. "We can put it all behind us and move forward towards the future."
"But wouldn't it be easier if we just talked about it once and got it out in the open? I know I'd feel better about it. Plus, I have a ton of jokes I've been working on to tease him about being a Dad. I want to use them now while I can." I sighed, crossing my arms over my chest. She stopped chewing on the piece of celery and raised an eyebrow at me. "Kimberly, what did Tommy say exactly when you told him?"
"It doesn't matter. It's over with, okay?"
"You didn't tell him?!" She exclaimed, leaning forward. "What in the hell are you thinking?"
"Shhh!" I said, standing up and walking over to the door. I closed it and sat back down. "It's not that big of a deal."
"Not that big of a deal?! Tommy doesn't know that the baby he is pretending to be the father of is actually his daughter. How the hell are you not seeing this as a big deal?"
"Because he already is acting like her father so what's the point of telling him the truth and causing all of this unnecessary drama?"
"Because it's the right thing to do!" She stood up, shaking her head.
"Look, you need to calm down." I said.
"Kimberly, this is so wrong. Tommy deserves to know the truth. You know it and I know it. He has just as much right to Lily as you do and you are denying him of that."
"No, I'm not. He's living with us. He's seeing her just as much as he would be if he knew he was her father, if not more. There's no reason why I need to make everything messy and complicated right now. If I tell Tommy, he's just going to get upset and leave. We are so close to getting back together and being a family again! I can't just let that happen."
"He needs to know. And it's either going to be you that tells him or me. I'm not lying to him anymore. I can't take it." I narrowed my eyes at her. I knew I was asking so much from her to keep my secret but was she really going to side with Tommy and tell him?
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that you either pick up that phone and tell him or else I am walking home to tell him myself." She shook her head, crossing her arms. "How would you feel if the roles were reversed here? Wouldn't you want to know if she was your child? Or would you be okay just raising her, thinking she wasn't really yours no matter how hard you wanted her to be? Kim, think about how badly you wanted to have a baby. You tried for years! And then, you found out you were pregnant and you had this great thing in your life. Don't you think that Tommy deserves to have that piece of happiness as well? Don't you think that Lily deserves to have both of her parents around, knowing that they have a beautiful daughter to love? I know you think that it will be the end of you and Tommy but I don't believe that. I think you could kill a litter of puppies in front of the guy and he'd still see you in rose colored glasses. But not if you keep lying to him like this. What's the plan? To just lie her entire life until you're on your deathbed?"
"No! He's already on the birth certificate. She'll never know that he doesn't know that it's true. She's just going to know that he's her daddy and that's that. Marci, I know. Okay? I know it sucks and I sound like a shitty person. But this is what's best for everyone."
"No, it's what's best for you. Like always, it's about what's best for you. For someone who has gone through so much abuse and trauma, you would think that you would want to do something to make your life better. If you tell Tommy the truth, you guys could work through this and get married. Be an actual family!"
"We can do that this way too." I said.
"Then I want no part of this family then." I could see tears in her eyes as she looked at me.
"You don't mean that, Marci."
"No. I do. I can't just be there, watching you lie to the closest thing to a father I've ever had. I wish you never told me. I thought it was a good thing and that you trusted me but I hate this. I'll feel horrible each time I see him with her." A tear slid down her face. "I love you, Kim. I do. You're the best person I've ever met in my life and I know you think you're doing the right thing but I can't keep doing this."
"Are you telling me you're going back to Miami?" I whispered. She shook her head, hugging her arms around herself.
"God, no. I'll never go back there. I'll make it on my own somehow. I've done it before. I'll do it again." She sniffled. "You should know that Jason is on to the lie as well. The moment he saw Lily, he knew. He just doesn't want to say anything about it." She wiped the tears from her face. Silence fell between us. I didn't want Marci to leave. I loved her like my own daughter. She had become the teenage daughter I never knew I wanted. But she was asking me to tell Tommy the truth. I knew it was the right thing to do morally. I had fought with myself over it for days after Lily was born. But I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Mom had been right about the current situation. Tommy was Lily's father. Blood didn't have to make it true even if it was there. If he just committed to being her father regardless, there was no reason why the two of us wouldn't get together and we could be that happy family. I had pictured it, him living with us full time, Marci having her own room and moving Lily down the hall. We'd have family holidays and traditions, following suit after our own parents. Marci was there for all of those things I had thought of. I had even pictured her prom and her graduation next year, taking pictures on the stairs and the front lawn while she was all embarrassed. I didn't want to be a family without her there but I couldn't implode the entire idea for this. She just needed some time to cool off and think this through. She's only a teenager and doesn't know any better.
"I don't want you to leave. We can figure this out, okay? You belong with us, kiddo." I said, taking a step towards her. She backed up towards the door.
"Yeah? Well, I don't feel like that right now." She sniffled. "The only way to figure this out will be you telling Tommy the truth. Are you going to do that?"
"Marciā¦" I said, trailing off and letting my arms fall to my sides.
"Yeah, I didn't think so." She walked over to the door and grabbed the handle. "Have a nice life, Kim." She walked out the door. I followed after her.
"Marci, wait!" I called out. She didn't though. She got to the stop of the stairs, gave me a look and then disappeared down them. I heard the front door slam a few moments later.
