Switch Chapter 11

"Oh, here's one," Hiro said slyly. "'I am a nice looking person who would like to meet a nice looking lady from Tokyo. I like going to the gym and going out to clubs and socialising.' He's thirty, doesn't smoke or drink, with no kids. Five foot ten, one hundred and thirty pounds."

"Nah, too boring," K said with a yawn as he stretched out on the couch. He closed his eyes while resting his head on Hiro's lap. Together they were looking over personal ads. It was giving K a headache.

Hiro watched K swaying a foot back and forth, calf resting on the arm of the couch. "Well, someone has got to fit the bill. I mean, one of these is your lover boy."

K frowned and directed his blue eyes up at Hiro, "I think you're enjoying this too much."

"You're the one who wants to date. I'm just helping you out," Hiro quipped and enjoyed K's frustration. Hiro's only fear was that he'd actually find someone and crush on them. "Oh, this guy is perfect," Hiro choked on a giggle, "I'm somewhat athletic, or at least was. Now I smoke. I own the Transformers box set on DVD. I'm lost between the Gap and Banana Republic and am in dire need of a Queer Eye for the Straight Guy makeover. I use Dial and Irish Spring soap and sleep with my feet outside of the covers. I also love beer-and-poker nights."

"Hmm, gotta like a guy that loves Transformers," K chirped. "Banana Republic, what's that? Oooh, makeovers, hehe. Plus, he likes beer and poker. I bet he's a little overweight, but we can't be to picky, now can we?" K chortled and wrote down the number.

Hiro thought that the guy sounded completely idiotic. "You have strange tastes K…anyways, moving on."

"Wait, I have to go to the little girls' room." K excused himself and went to the washroom. He was about to drop his pants when two bodies suddenly appeared in the room. He stumbled back and sat heavily on the toilet with a thud. "You!" he clamoured. "Don't you think you guys could wait until I finished?"

"Oh sorry," said Frances, the rotund god, accompanied by his brother Ralph.

"Heh, don't get your panties in a bunch man. We've decided to come and check up on you." Ralph spoke with that habitual drawl.

K almost jumped up in excitement, "So you've come to change me back into a man!"

"Whoa buddy, not so fast. You have barely scratched the surface of your quest as of yet. It takes more than this, for you to be able to return to your former masculine promiscuity. I just wanted to come poke fun at your flower arrangements." Ralph snorted hysterically.

"Ralph, don't discourage the guy. He's come a long way," Frances said happily and looked at K. "Ignore my brother. I on the other hand think you're really trying. Personal ads, eh? Hoping to find love?"

K nodded dumbly.

"Oh, so a former man is looking for a man. How rich," squealed Ralph, pulling on a dubbie. "Want some?" he wheezed.

Frances swatted his brother. "Don't spoil things for him Ralph!"

Ralph held up his hands in a relenting gesture.

"What do you mean 'spoil'? You two know what I have to do, don't you?" K questioned, suddenly elated. "Oh come on. You have to tell me!"

"That, my friend, would be pointless. If you can't do it by yourself then you'll never truly be happy. We just wanted to come by and tell you not to give up," Frances told him.

"Oh how kind of you," K sneered.

"Listen dude, love has no limits. God judges no one for who they love, remember that!" Ralph's revelation lingered in the air as he and his brother dissipated.

K stared at their vanishing forms. "Wait! What does that mean? Oh, you guys fucking suck!"

Hiro looked at him strangely when he returned to the living room. "K, I heard you talking to yourself. Sorry, but you were kind of loud. Is everything alright?"

Sighing, K sat down heavily next to Hiro. "It was nothing. Nothing at all!" he bellowed in frustration. "I have to show them I can do it. I have to do it!"

With a surprised face, Hiro wondered what the hell just happened. K just went to the washroom and suddenly he was irate. How strange. Who were the people he was referring to? Hiro was afraid to ask, so he sat quietly. K flopped down to lay his head on his lap again. He heard K sigh, and a small hand squeezed his knee almost desperately. Geez, whatever was happening, Hiro didn't know what to make of it. Slowly he reached down and petted K's hair. "It'll be alright…I promise," Hiro assured. Moments later he could tell K had fallen asleep, but Hiro didn't move. He sat there all afternoon, petting K's hair, watching the woman on his lap sleep.

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Over the next two weeks, K was in hyper dating mode. He'd gone on a new date every night of the week! Hiro wondered why he was rushing so much. Why was there a fire lit under his butt all of the sudden? It was almost like K was playing a game, like he was trying to score 'the most dates of the year award' or something. Every night he came home smelling of some other man's cologne and Hiro grit his teeth with jealousy.

He wanted to ask K what he did on these dates of his. Like why his lipstick was smudged, and why he looked so tired. But he couldn't bring himself to ask. He was too much of a gentleman to dig that deep, unless provoked. Instead he sat back and watched from the sidelines.

And K barely spoke to him—going off to the washroom when he came home, putting on his pj's and passing out on the couch. Damn, that see-through night t-shirt! Damn, those Calvin Kleins! What was he doing! Shuichi almost ate one of his guitars the other day, when he'd asked what was wrong with him. Oh, of course Suguru and Shuichi thought it was wonderful that Claudia was out looking for romance. What made it worse was how they'd all chat about proper dating etiquette. Come on! Even Suguru had something to add. This was the only time Hiro overheard some of the things K was doing on his dates.

He went to dinner, or a movie. Sometimes the guy took him for a drive. Hiro sucked it up and tried to stop his skyrocketing blood pressure and his over active imagination from making one of his veins burst. It was driving him insane! But even with all this hunting for love, K stayed very impassive.

Plus at the end of every week K gave him another flower arrangement.

The confusion!

At the end of the work week, Hiro barged into K's office. He felt ready to kill, but stopped abruptly when he caught K in the midst of pleasuring himself/herself. The mewling, the sighs, they were so saccharine and innocent; the act was causing Hiro to lose all will for battle. He suddenly forgot about why he'd come to see him in the first place, and instead watched, transfixed on K's extracurricular activity.

What a lovely activity it was too…

K's eyes were closed, body leaning back against the chair. The hair flowed freely, tendrils framing that beautiful face. Legs spread wide, a slender finger massaging with intensity. Gulp. Hiro's brown eyes found that stunning mouth, those lips, open as if to gasp for air.

Hiro groaned with desire, unable to stop himself. He also felt himself sporting a massive hard on.

K opened his eyes and gasped in shock. He moved with a flurry to adjust his skirt and realized it was only Hiro who stood here. "Hiro?" He asked a tad breathlessly, "Gee man, you scared the shit out of me, thank gawd it's just you. I was, you know, getting happy." K twittered with a haughty laugh. "I was almost there to," he added with a whine and sulked slightly.

Hands thrust quickly into his pockets, to hide his erection; Hiro blushed hotter than he'd ever done in his life. "I…I came to give you the key to the apartment. I'm going out tonight," Hiro lied with struggle. It sounded like a good reason to just come into the office. "I'm really sorry. Man, how embarrassing."

"Haha, forget about it. Like you've never seen that sort of thing before," K said, a little flustered from his exertion, but he looked up excitedly. "Hiro…I swear, these women's orgasms—I'm fucking hooked! I wasn't really thinking about sex, you know? But I saw this movie on TV the other night. Well, it made me feel all warm and fuzzy. So I looked up stuff on the internet, you know because—I'm telling you—there's a technique to this shit. At first I couldn't get anything to happen. But once I did…oh my god!" K squealed with happiness, "It's like the fourth of July over and over again!"

Hiro stood dumbstruck.

"Aww, don't be embarrassed. I love having someone to share this kind of thing with. We're buddies, we talk about everything, don't we?" K wondered, sitting back with a wicked grin.

K's boldness was forever surprising him, Hiro thought. But did they talk? Well, yeah, they talked of pretty much everything—except... "Well why haven't you told me anything about all these dates? Why the big secret?" There. He'd asked about it, his frustration about his initial reason for coming here returning. "Are…are you doing this," Hiro indicated vaguely at K's genital area with his hand, "Because you've been having sex?"

Shit. He didn't just ask that.

With an arched brow K said plainly, "I didn't think to bore you with the details." He took out his gun and began to inspect it thoroughly. It needed polishing right now, oh look there is a fingerprint. He pulled out the cloth and started to clean it lovingly.

"Well, that's being pretty evasive. What's the big deal?" Hiro knew K was hiding something.

K sighed, "Look, these 'dates'... They just blow, OK. All those guys see is a pretty face. One guy offered to be my sugar daddy. Can you believe that! Then he talked endlessly about his Porsche. And when I told him my knowledge of the vehicle, he got frustrated with me. So I shot him—"

"You did what!" Hiro hollered.

K laughed, "Of course I didn't shoot him. But Hiro, he got upset with me because I knew more about cars than he did! Then there was this other guy…all he talked about was sex. Where he liked to do it, how often he liked to do it, how he'd like it if I kissed another girl while he watched. It was such a turn off. I mean, yeah, wild and crazy sex is bonus, but it wasn't about love. Gah, I sound like an idiot! Then this other guy says he's only had sex with men and not with a woman because he's saving himself for marriage." K frowned and scrunched his nose, "Does that sound right to you? Sex is sex, man or woman. What a moron!" He let out a tired sigh, "Yeah, so that was why I didn't tell you what was really happening on these dates. Because it's so hard. I wanted to shoot them all so bad Hiro. That or put them all on an island and drop a bomb on it."

When K put it that way Hiro had to grin, and it wasn't just because all those dates had turned out bad, but because he knew those men were lucky they hadn't been shot. Hiro sat on the edge of K's desk and gave a humble smile. "I never realized—I mean, after all the fun talks with Shu and Suguru. I'm sorry to hear it."

"Nah, the chats were fun. But everything I said was utter bullshit. I'm never going to find love like this. And even if I do, I'll be old and grey with saggy tits," K said with an exhausted sigh.

"Aww, don't say that. There are plenty of sea fish. Isn't that the saying?" Hiro asked.

K chuckled, "No it's 'there are plenty of fish in the sea'. Yeah, I guess you're right, but maybe I shouldn't waste my time on these idiots. On the positive note, I did get a bunch of free meals and a couple of kisses. Meh, it didn't mean anything to me. I wish you weren't going out. I'd offer to buy pizza and watch a movie at home."

Hiro looked up suddenly, "Oh, well I wasn't going to do anything important. I wouldn't mind just chillin' at home."

"No Hiro. I can't stop you from having your fun," K told him directly.

"K, shut up. We'll go home together. I'd like nothing better," Hiro said amicably.

"Cool. Then let's get out of here. Oh, can I drive the motorcycle?" K asked hopefully.

"Hell no, I'm not sitting behind a woman on a bike." Hiro laughed jovially, "I kinda' like being the man."

"Hiro, that was just mean…"

They left NG together, bantering the entire way home.

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A/N: Some norties in this chapter. I had to have the dating thing in, those guys are very lucky K didn't shoot them lol. K and orgasms XD I wonder what he'll discover next -winks-

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