♫-flashback
♪-scenes switching in the present
Italics-thoughts or important words
Chapter 8:
Tatsuha wished the line would move faster. They seemed to take such a long time to buy tickets. He was going to head to some place….maybe Nagoya. It was between Tokyo and Kyoto and he doubted that anyone would look for him there.
Suddenly someone tapped him on the shoulder. "Hey there…you look like someone I know…"
Tatsuha scowled. Why couldn't he just look like himself? "I have no idea what you're talking about." He turned to the counter which he had reached at last. "A ticket to Nagoya please."
The Lady checked up and shook her head. "We have seats only for there next train. It will leave in an hour. Would that be ok?"
Tatsuha nodded and paid. Then he bought himself a sandwich and sat down on one of the benches. Again someone sat next to him. It was the stranger from before. Tatsuha growled slightly and turned away.
"You seem to be travelling really light…is that all you're going to take to Nagoya?" the stranger asked.
Tatsuha glared at him. "It's really none of your business now is it? Please leave me alone…I'm in no mood for this."
"You seem to be in a bad mood, is something wrong? Its odd for a boy like you to be travelling to Nagoya alone, at this time…" the stranger gave him a smile.
Tatsuha sighed. "Look I have no one ok! And I'm travelling because I want to. So why don't you go take a hike? And yes I am in a bad mood….people only have bad moods because something is wrong!"
"Then talk to me about it na no da…even if I'm a complete stranger, you need to talk to someone about it…" his stomach growled loudly.
Tatsuha grudgingly held out the other half of his sandwich. "Here…you seem to be hungry. And I don't talk to strangers about my past. Where are you heading anyway?"
"Oh nowhere. I just come here to watch the trains go by. It's something I began when I was a child and now I do it all the time." The man sat back, relaxing now.
"I used to watch clouds….with my mother when she was alive. We used to make up small stories about the different shapes we could see in a cloud. When she died, Shuichi nii-chan continued to watch them with me, he said his mom and mine were best friends when they were younger and that they used to watch clouds together." Tatsuha stopped, trying not to feel bad again.
The stranger nodded. "So you and this Shuichi-nii are close huh?"
Tatsuha shook his head. "No we're not…he's only close to my brother, Eiri. Everyone's close to Eiri." he gave the man a twisted smile. "I am not close to anyone…I don't want to be close to anyone."
Suddenly the man put an arm around Tatsuha. "It's ok, boy…people don't have to be close to others…but then they still need other people's help. You seem like an intelligent kid…no reason why people don't want to be close to you…let me get you a coffee, and another sandwich ok? I'll be right back."
Tatsuha stared after him, till he disappeared into the store. Why was some guy being so nice to him? He turned back towards the train. Seemed like a weird guy, coming to watch trains…plus he had his whole face covered up almost…it may not be intentional, but the muffler was a little too high and that hat a little too low. Tatsuha shook his head; the guy would be a perfect stranger from the novels.
The stranger came back. "Looks like you still have forty minutes to go for your train. Here." He held out the coffee and sandwich. Tatsuha smiled his thanks, the smile making his eyes light up.
"Thanks but you didn't have to go through the trouble of being there for me…but thanks all the same." The dark haired teen began to unwrap the sandwich. Then he looked up. "I'm Tatsuha Uesugi by the way. Nice to meet you!"
The stranger nodded but didn't give his own name. "Are things bad at home Tatsuha-kun?"
The dark haired teen stopped smiling. "Well…I don't want to be here anymore you know…I'm not needed by anyone. Shuichi-nii had Eiri and Tohma had Mika and so on. Chichi-ue doesn't need anyone; he has all he wants from Eiri and Mika. I just want a life of my own, without having to live in the shadow of my brother."
The stranger nodded. "I understand. But they might really love you Tatsuha-kun. You never know do you?" Tatsuha looked a little shocked.
"That's not true…I can never be important to any of them. Even Shuichi-nii broke his promise to me."
The stranger tilted his head a little. "What promise, na no da?"
"Well, he's this singer you see…and he promised to let me meet Sakuma Ryuichi…the man of my dreams." Tatsuha whispered. "That's another thing, they don't get it….not one of them gets that I don't have a huge fan boy crush on the man….well I'm not saying it's love, but his songs just brought me a lot of peace and happiness. It was something I never just got, you know…when I listened to those songs I could forget everything and the fact that no one cared wasn't so bothersome. That's why that promise mean a lot to me…I thought Shuichi-nii cared, but I was wrong about that too, I heard him tell Eiri…"
The stranger laid a comforting arm on his back. He looked like he was going to say something when… "Tatsuha?"
Tatsuha looked up to see Shuichi and Eiri standing a few feet away from him. "Shuichi-nii? Aniki? How did you?"
Shuichi glared at him. "You have no idea how worried we've been. Come on we're going to talk in the car!" he walked up to the teen and grabbed him by the shoulders. Tatsuha noticed the stranger stand up and walk to the car with them. Eiri as usual wasn't saying anything a completely apathetic look on his face.
Shuichi guided him a deserted part of the car park. Then he frowned at the boy. "Ok, begin by telling me what the hell happened? Why are you trying to run away?"
Tatsuha glared back. "How the hell did you know I was here? I didn't leave any trace…"
Shuichi sighed. "We were lucky, Ryuichi found you here while he was watching trains. He knew who you were because he'd seen your picture at Tohma's house. Now what the hell were you doing?"
Tatsuha stared at the 'stranger' who had taken his hat and muffler off. Ryuichi flinched at the betrayed gaze of the boy. Tatsuha turned away, ignoring him. "I want to go home."
Shuichi shook his head. "This is serious Tatsuha; I'm not letting you go without an answer! Why were you trying to run? Your father called….he was worried."
Tatsuha looked at them his eyes blazing. "Why do you care? Why do they care…is it because it'll make them lose face in front of the world? Will my running away damage their reputations? You guys never cared what I did before…why you care now?" he looked at Eiri. "It's always been Aniki…"
Eiri just stared which seemed to infuriate Tatsuha even more. Shuichi was looking at Tatsuha with wide eyes. But the brunette didn't stop. "I was a mistake! Chichi-ue told me I was a mistake! Eiri was the heir; I'm just a stand in, because he gave up and became a writer! Even you Shuichi-nii, Eiri means more to you than I ever will…I saw you! Mika and Tohma don't even care what happens! Ever since Eiri went to New York, Mika is concerned about him. The only person who ever cared was Kaa-chan!"
"Would it be so bad if I went to Nagoya? I could make a life for myself…I could find someone who cared! I'm sick of this! I'm sick of being ignored! I'm sick of being the stand in for Eiri! so just let me go…the train arrives in ten minutes, I want to leave!" Tatsuha blinked away angry tears not wanting to cry in front of his brother.
"Is that really what you think?" Shuichi asked, looking hurt. "Do you really think I don't care, Tatsuha? You're my little brother…I was so worried when I heard you'd disappeared! I love you…I've seen you since you were nine!"
Tatsuha gave a bitter laugh. "You know it doesn't seem like that! I heard you today…Eiri is the most important person to you…you said it yourself he's the only family member you can be yourself with! We don't exist Shuichi…I don't exist at all. Especially for Eiri…you have him wrapped around your fucking finger! The bastard does everything you tell him too and you'll be there for him even if he hurts you! Are you trying to tell me that my family cares? Look at Eiri…he doesn't care, chichi-ue thinks I'm a mistake, I ceased to exist for Mika and Tohma when Eiri came back from New York!" he stopped taking a deep breath.
"I don't want to talk anymore….please just take me home, or drop me off at a hotel or whatever, I'll go home in the morning if it's too late." His voice took a defeated tired tone. But there was finality in his eyes that he wasn't going to discuss the topic.
Shuichi nodded wordlessly and opened the doors. Before Tatsuha got in, he turned to Ryuichi. After rummaging around in his bag, he brought a wad of money out and thrust it into the surprised singer's hands. "Thanks for the food, but I don't want to be indebted to you." With that Tatsuha got into the car and shut the door, blocking out Ryuichi's face.
Eiri started the car and then they drove off. Ryuichi watched the car going, trying to mull over the scene he had witnessed.
♪
Shuichi refused to let Tatsuha sleep in a hotel so he ended up sleeping on the couch at Eiri's house. Shuichi decided to bunk with Eiri in the bedroom. He walked in and found the blonde all ready lying on the bed.
He flopped down with a sigh. His expression abnormally broody, after a while he looked at the blonde. "I think what he said was right…we have been ignoring him a lot. But I didn't know he was that hurt…"
Eiri just looked at the ceiling. He was on his own little guilt trip, but he had it masked. His brother's large hurt eyes were boring into him. He had to agree. Tatsuha had been given the shorter stick…and his father had to make more things difficult by nagging the kid all day long. He just replied to Shuichi with a nod of his head.
Shuichi wondered how to make all this right. Tatsuha seemed way too hurt by everything and if judging by the look he had given Ryuichi, calling Ryuichi over to cheer him up wouldn't be a great idea either. Why was his family so crazed out?
Suddenly a hand caught hold of his giving it a small squeeze. Shuichi turned to see Eiri looking at him a tiny bit warmly. "He'll be fine…he's a Uesugi after all, it's a family trait to get into big crap and then get out of it."
Shuichi gave him a small smile. "Yeah…makes wonder why I got to be in your family after all…I'll go see how he is. You coming?"
Eiri shook his head. "I'll have my own talk with him sometime later…"
Shuichi suddenly glared. "No you will talk to him now; I'll take a shower and join. Out! I don't think he's asleep yet! The longer you put it off, the worse it's going to become."
Eiri scowled as the pink haired boy deposited him onto the couch. He could remember a similar incident that had happened.
♫
Shuichi came bounding in through the door. "Eiri! Eiri you have to come quick…Tatsuha-kun is stuck on that branch above the koi pond! I can't get him down!"
Eiri grimaced, he had been looking forward to spending some quiet time with Shuichi, but now his idiotic brother had gotten into a scrape and the evening looked like it wasn't going to happen. Ever since Kaa-san had died, Tatsuha seemed to be getting into scrape after scrape.
They ran out and saw Tatsuha perched on the branch, fear evident in his eyes. The koi pond was pretty deep. Then he looked up to see Eiri and defiance seeped in. "I'll come down on my own Aniki…"
Then the idiot started to trey and turn around. Eiri watched with his heart in his mouth. If he fell, if Tatsuha fell, he would drown. Shuichi bounced up and down in anxiety. "Ta-chan! Don't, Eiri'll come and get you! Please don't Ta-chan."
But Tatsuha shook his head and went on with whatever he was doing. Suddenly, he slipped. His hands tried to grasp at the branch, but caught it at the last moment. Eiri thought he'd die as he watched his younger brother hang off the branch.
"Wait Tatsuha…I'm coming to get you! Just hang on!" Eiri shimmied up the tree and reached that branch. Carefully crawling onto the branch…it wasn't too thick…he wrapped his legs around the branch. He then reached towards Tatsuha. "Tatsuha, grab a hold ok? Come on, I won't drop you…"
The moment Tatsuha's hand was in his, Eiri pulled him up to safety. The moment Tatsuha had gotten back onto solid branch; he tried to get back with out Eiri's help. Eiri was so scared that it turned into annoyance, he yelled at Tatsuha.
The dark haired boy had stared at him, those eyes filled with hurt and defiance. He walked off to his room. After a while Shuichi came to Eiri's room and forced him to go talk to the boy.
"Talk to him Eiri, the longer you put it off, the worse it's going to become"
♪
The one thing Eiri remembered clearly about that incident was Tatsuha's eyes as he had hung onto the branch. There was fear, but there was also defiance and most of all at the back o all these emotions there was a bit of pleading.
Eiri realized it now. Even all those years ago, Tatsuha was just asking for a bit of attention. He flinched as he realized how that feeling might have intensified after he had gotten back from New York. He had treated Tatsuha like dirt!
Tatsuha was awake when he came in. He didn't look at Eiri until the blond was standing right in front of him. And then he gave his brother a cold look. "What do you want Eiri?"
Eiri stared at that chilling look. "I want to talk…"
Tatsuha gave him an unreadable stare and then shifted a little giving him some space on the couch. They sat in silence for a few minutes. Then Eiri cleared his throat. "I do care…"
Tatsuha raised an eyebrow. "Meaning…?"
"I do care Tatsuha…about you."
Tatsuha shrugged. "Ok. So?"
Eiri frowned. "Why are you making this hard for me? Care all right, I care about what happens to you…you're my brother, I want you to be happy."
Tatsuha looked at him blankly. "Fine." There was some more silence and then Eiri knew he had to say more, he wasn't going to be forgiven easily.
"Look Tatsuha…I'm sorry I left you out of stuff when we were little ok? I didn't know I was hurting you this much. And about new York…" he stopped a slight haunted look coming into his eyes. "About New York…I'll tell you some other time. But I'm sorry for being a bastard when I came back…without Shuichi being there to care I know it must have seemed like hell. I know I wasn't there for you….but…just give me another chance…"
Tatsuha was staring at him like he'd gone mad. "A…Aniki…"
Eiri shook his head slightly. "And your not my replacement…you should just do what makes you happy. chichi-ue can be an ass sometimes; you need to learn how to deal with it." he was cut off as the dark haired teen suddenly grabbed him around the waist in a hug.
"I…love…you Aniki!" Tatsuha said in a low voice as he hugged his brother. "you have no idea, what this meant to me…I wanted your acceptance….I've wanted it forever, but you never gave it to me! I'm sorry for running away."
Eiri looked surprised but hugged him back. "Yeah, baka gaki! Now why don't you go to sleep? Chichi-ue will be really angry, but I think you should have a talk with him as well."
Tatsuha nodded and looked up as Shuichi came in. Then he looked at the ground. "I'm sorry Shuichi-nii…made you worry a lot ne?"
Shuichi gave him a small smile. "No I'm sorry. I should have realized that you felt this way…I think we've all been idiots, but you're the least to blame Tatsuha."
The dark haired teen yawned suddenly. "I think I'm going to bed…good night. And don't be too loud ok?" he burrowed into the blankets oblivious to the two beet red faces.
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A/N: short chapter I know, but I'll make the next ones as long as the ones before. Just wanted to finish off Tatsuha's trouble with Eiri and Shuichi. People who like tats, don't worry he'll still be around, but I want to get a move on the Eiri Shu part ok? Thanks for reading.
Taka
