I can't believe I made it to 200 reviews! Thank you everyone so much for keeping up with this story! Also, today is my 19th birthday! It's so weird to see how fast time has gone by.
"Hello everyone and welcome to the third episode of Jojora's variety show! Well, actually, it's technically Bow's variety show since I'm the new host now so if you have a problem with that, then...um...get over it!" Bow said into her mic and the crowd applauded.
"And I'm ze and ze only Ludwig Koopa! You're jealous of my flawless and wild blue hair, aren't you?" Ludwig laughed and the crowd clapped for him too.
"I sure am not. It reminds me of a fuzzy," Bow objected. The crowd laughed at her response.
Ludwig gave her a scowl. "ANYWAYS! Ze reason why you viewers don't see Jojora and Bowser hosting is because zey are currently on a mission to save ze world with 57 other people or something like that, so me and Bow are temporarily taking over!"
"And the current coin count is 997,991,000. We need that much money if we want all of Mushroom City to be recovered...heh...HAHAHAHAHAHA! Yeah, like that will ever happen!" Bow cackled.
"Agreed. Let's face it, ze entire city is screwed at zis point. Zere is no hope!" Ludwig laughed as well. The audience gasped and widened their eyes. Bow and Ludwig stopped laughing as soon as they realized that no one else thought it was funny.
"Errr, right then...let's get on to introducing today's contestants. Our first guest is a girl who is currently dating a coward. It's Koopie Koo!" Bow said and everyone cheered for her.
"Hi Koops! I'm currently cheering on for you and I love always! Oh, and by the way Bow, he is NOT a coward. You clearly haven't seen his character development in The Thousand Year Door so zip it!" Koopie yelled.
"Vell, you know what zey say, once a coward, always a coward!" Ludwig added.
"'If you have a weak boyfriend, then you should probably cheat on him for someone obviously stronger, better looking, and more likely to be a douche, because let's face it, ain't nobody got time for that!' - King Toadstool to Mushroom Kingdom University graduates," Bow quoted.
"HUH?" Everyone else said in confusion.
"Um...nevermind. Next guest! This guy is basically the male form of me, except white and has ugly teeth. It's Boo!"
"Hey, it's not my fault that I was born this way! Or, um, I guess 'died' this way would be a more appropriate word usage..." Boo said.
"Don't you have a crush on Bow as well?" Ludwig asked. The audience 'Oooooh'd' at this.
"EH? Where did you hear that from!? Are you assuming that I have a crush on Bow just because we're both Boos!?" Boo pouted.
"Well...yes," Ludwig admitted.
"Isn't there a whole bunch of people on the internet who ship Bow/Boo though? I've seen various art and stories about them! Um...not like I purposely search for them or anything, heh heh!" Koopie nervously laughed.
"Even if he did crushed on me, it's never going to happen. A person like him can't ever keep up with me and my fancy lifestyle," Bow scoffed.
"A person like me!? Oh ho ho ho, look over here everyone, we've got an egomaniac on our hands!" Boo shouted.
"MOVING ON! Our next guest is a monkey girl who helped beat up some irrelevant bosses in a few games zat no one currently remembers. It's Tiny Kong!" Ludwig announced.
"Hi everyone! I'm Tiny, but you all knew that since Ludwig just said it, hee hee hee!" Tiny laughed.
*Cricket noises*
"...Okay then...moving on...the next guest we have is a nutty professor who hails from Rogueport. It's Professor Frankly!" Bow said.
"Hoho, I'm quite excited to be here! I've never been on a show before in my life so butterflies are flying all around in my stomach!" Frankly cheered.
"Dude, zat is disgusting! How could you eat a butterfly and show it off to ze whole world!?" Ludwig grunted.
"It's called an EXPRESSION, dummy. Do you really think anyone here is crazy enough to eat a butterfly? Looks like stupidity is definitely something that runs through the entire Koopa family," Bow stated.
"Vell, I'd rather be stupid zan be a total SNOB!" Ludwig argued.
"Excuse me? You're calling ME a snob? HA! I'm the least snobbiest person I know! And even if I was, at least I don't have a stupid accent that sounds like a speech problem!" Bow retorted.
"IT'S UNCONTROLLABLE, OKAY!? GOD!" Ludwig roared.
"Maybe it would be better if we just ended this show now if you two are gonna brawl it out the entire time?" Tiny suggested.
"NO! I refuse to let this creature over here get the best of me! Our next guest is a toad gal who is president of the Luigi fan club. It's Toadia!" Bow got back on track.
"HI EVERYONE! As you guys may or may not know, I am the BIGGEST Luigi fangirl to ever exist! Luigi, if you're watching this now, I am totally cheering you on and wish you all the luck in the universe! Oh, and by the way, you're too good for that Maisy chick or whatever her name is!" Toadia shouted to the cameras.
"Oh look what we have here, a stalker chick. You know, you and Amy Rose would make interesting friends considering both of you obsess over some dude who doesn't care about you whatsoever," Bow said. The audience 'Ooooooh'd'.
"WHAT!? Luigi does so care about me! He added me on Facebook and followed me on Twitter! He is the sweetest guy I've ever met and my dream is to marry him one day!" Toadia gushed.
"Haha! Keep on dreaming girly, cause zat will never happen!" Ludwig laughed and so did everyone else.
"UGH! NONE OF YOU WILL EVER UNDERSTAND!" Toadia pouted.
"Right. Our next contestant is a caretaker of the one and only Princess Peach. It's Toadsworth!" Bow said.
"Tally ho! I must say, it is an honor to be on this wondrous variety show! How are you all doing tonight?" Toadsworth asked as he waved towards the crowd.
"Uhh...first off, it's ze AFTERNOON. Secondly, wow! I didn't zink there would be two really old guys on here at once! Zat is freaky!" Ludwig shrieked.
"Are you implying that there is something wrong with being old, sonny?" Frankly raised an eyebrow.
"Oh calm down, I was just making an observation, sheesh! Old people have such short tempers!" Ludwig huffed.
"Okay, before Ludwig says anything more stupid and pisses off any more people, let's introduce the next guest. This girl...well...she's probably the least likable person ever, along with her boyfriend. It's Lakilulu and Lakilester, the crummy cloud duo!" Bow said. Tons of boo's and insults were heard.
"LAKILESTER, UNTIE ME FROM THIS CHAIR RIGHT NOW! I DON'T WANNA BE HERE!" Lakilulu cried.
"Not yet! I wanna see how awful this show really is, like you told me before. All of you losers booing at me isn't going to make me go away!" Lakilester countered. The crowd then threw a bunch of trash at him, making him duck for cover.
"Now that we've gotten that lovely intro over with, let's get to the fun stuff! Now viewers, like the previous episodes, we're gonna need your help in getting donations to help recover our city. The number to call is (128) 642-9577. Please call right now and donate as much money as you can!" Bow announced.
*Cricket noises*
"Wow. Zat really sucked," Ludwig scowled.
"Bow, usually Jojora bribes the viewers with disgusting challenges that involves the guests so they can pay to see it happen," Tiny said.
"Oh, that's right! But...crap! I forgot to plan out any challenges! Do you have any in mind, Ludwig?" Bow asked.
"Oh, now who's dumb?" Ludwig teased. "But to answer your question, yes I do. Viewers, call right now and vote for your favorite Mario character of all time. It can be anyone who has ever appeared in a Mario game. You must pay 1 coin for each person you vote for. The guests answering the phones will write down ze names zat were voted for and will be given to me. You have 24 hours to vote. Whichever person gets the most amount of votes at the end of the 24 hour period gets a VERY special and rare prize that anyone would die to get plus they will have a special appearance on a certain TV channel!" Ludwig offered. Suddenly, all the phones rang off the hook and the guests hurriedly answered them.
"Hold on here, what the hell are you doing? You never told me a thing about this! And what is this 'special and rare prize' you're talking about? You don't even have one, do you? And what is this about a special TV appearance?" Bow interrogated.
"I don't have it on me right now, but I know where it is. Trust me Bow, I know what I am doing. Besides, it's an excellent marketing technique. Zese viewers are so easily manipulated zat we'll rack in ze coins with ease!" Ludwig schemed.
"VIEWERS, PLEASE VOTE FOR ME! I AM AN UNDERDOG AND I DESERVE SOME SPECIAL RECOGNITION FOR ONCE!" Lakilulu cried.
"STFU NOOB!" Yelled an audience member and threw a bunch of potato chips at her.
"Excuse me! Can I propose a challenge please? I want to do a quiz on how well the guests here know Luigi! Whoever gets the most amount of points gets this Luigi plushie I bought from Halmart!" Toadia said while showing everyone a worn out Luigi plush doll that looks like it was made in the 90's.
"You want us to do a quiz about Luigi, the most overrated character to ever exist in any video game? HA! This show just got twice as lame!" Lakilester scoffed.
"But it will get even less lame if you leave and spare us all of your douchebagginess," Bow retorted.
"Aren't you the one who was ok with me being on the show? You don't wanna be known for being a hypocrite, do you? Besides, I'll stay on this show just to piss you all off," Lakilester smirked.
"Well, if you're gonna stay, THEN PLEASE UNTIE ME THIS INSTANT!" Lakilulu demanded.
"Can I do the Luigi quiz or not!?" Toadia impatiently asked.
"Let's ask ze viewers, shall we? Send in 10 coins and we'll start ze quiz about everyone's favorite hero, Luigi Mario!" Ludwig excitedly said towards the cameras. More calls started coming in.
"Interesting. It seems to me that using Luigi as a bribe to get coins in seems to be very effective..." Bow whispered while rubbing her chin.
"YEEEEEE! Okay, let's start! We'll go in order of introduction of the guests! Koopie, what is Luigi's least favorite color?" Toadia asked.
"How the heck am I suppose to know? I've only met the dude a few times, and even then, I don't particularly care that much for him!" Koopie shrieked.
"GASP! How could you say something so horrible to the legendary Luigi!? Everyone loves him!" Toadia freaked the freak out.
"Um...I don't and I'm pretty sure other people don't as well," Lakilester scowled.
"Can we do something else other than this stupid quiz? I thought this was the VARIETY SHOW not the LET'S ALL FANGIRL ABOUT LUIGI SHOW!" Tiny complained.
"I'm sorry, who are you again? I don't recall seeing a pig-tailed hooker monkey starring in any Mario game. Go back to your coconut island!" Toadia insulted.
"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME YOU LITTLE TWAT!? You better watch that mouth of yours, otherwise I'm gonna have to bring out my alter-ego called Sharliqua and get ghetto all up in this place!" Tiny threatened and snapped her fingers.
"Actually, Tiny wins this argument by default considering she HAS starred in more Mario games than you have, Toadia. Even if she didn't, no one barely remembers the bit part you played in The Thousand Year Door," Frankly intervened. Some cheers and claps were heard.
"You better tell her, Frankly! Someone needs to kick this wannabe A-Lister out already!" Lakilester yelled.
Toadia started to sob. "You...you're all a bunch of jerks! I HATE YOU ALL!" She then ran off and exited out the back.
"Thank god she's gone. Seriously, she's more annoying than Lakilulu and Lakilester combined...and that's REALLY saying something," Bow said.
"But, she did give me a great idea though! Let us have a quiz. All the guests will be participating and whoever gets to 3 points first will win a fabulous prize!" Ludwig offered.
"Oh, you have yet another prize in store? Is it one of your dad's Princess Peach posters?" Bow asked.
"NO! It's a surprise. Just wait and see. Now then...first question! When is a door not a door?" Ludwig asked. Everyone raised their eyebrows at the odd question.
"What kind of stupid ass question is that suppose to be!? That isn't even related to anything Mario whatsoever!" Lakilester spat.
"One more time, Lakilester. One. More. Time." Ludwig said while cracking his knuckles.
"Uhh...anyone wanna guess?" Bow asked.
"A door is not a door when it's...ajar?" Boo guessed.
"CORRECT! Boo is on ze board with 1 point! Next question, how many seconds are zere in a year?" Ludwig asked.
"Why are you asking questions that are so terribly hard!? WHY CAN'T YOU MAKE THIS FAIR!?" Lakilulu cried.
"Because you are a bitch," Bow answered. The audience gasped.
"WHAT!? LAKILESTER, YOU'RE JUST GONNA SIT THERE AND LET HER SAY THAT TO ME!?" Lakilulu whined.
"Why should I? It's the truth!" Lakilester shrugged. The audience gasped again.
"But...but...WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! THAT'S IT! I AM DONE TRYING WITH YOU! I WANNA BREAK UP!" Lakilulu demanded.
"THANK THE LORD! I've been waiting for you to say that to me for the past year! Now there is no excuse for you to try to get back with me!" Lakilester laughed.
"Can you two do your annoying relationship drama later? We still need an answer to the question!" Bow said.
"The answer is 31,536,000 in an ordinary year and 31,622,400 in a leap year," Frankly responded. The audience 'Oooooh'd' once again.
"My word! How on earth were you able to figure that out so quickly!?" Toadsworth asked.
"Let's just say that I have a fast-working brain," Frankly winked.
"Quite interesting! What do you say we talk about where you studied in the past over a cup of tea after this? I'm curious to know what your background is!" Toadsworth offered.
"Will do, my friend! It will be refreshing to chat with someone close to my age anyways!" Frankly said.
"Why do old people always like to talk on and on and on like they run the show or something? YAWN!" Bow complained.
"Errr, very good guess Frankly, but that's actually not ze answer! Well, not ze one I was looking for anyways!" Ludwig said.
"Ummmm, is it 12?" Boo replied.
"YES! Good job! Boo has 2 points, so only one more to go! Third question, let's say you stepped on a roach. How would ze roach's soul get revenge?" Ludwig asked.
"Um...HUH!?" Koopie blurted.
"TRICK QUESTION, ROACH'S DON'T HAVE SOULS! GIVE ME MY POINT, BITCH!" Lakilester demanded.
"Screw you! And no, zat's not ze answer!" Ludwig yelled.
Tiny rolled her eyes. "These questions are absolutely ridiculous."
"I agree, but it's the only thing we have that can keep this show entertaining..." Bow sighed.
"How on earth are we suppose to answer a question like that? Why are you making this so difficult on purpose?" Toadsworth asked.
"I believe the answer is, it would put coco butter in your shoes, make it feel mushy, then when you walk down stairs, you'd trip and die," Boo answered.
"Clearly it isn't difficult if someone as dull as Boo can get it! Congratulations Boo, you won the quiz!" Ludwig applauded and so did the audience.
"Oh, hooray! That was too easy!" Boo cheered.
"Yeah, congratulations on a winning a quiz that had extremely vague and hard questions," Tiny seethed.
"THAT QUIZ WAS SUCH BS! WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE ASKING US THOSE THINGS THAT LITERALLY NO ONE COULD EVER POSSIBLY ANSWER!?" Lakilester roared.
"STOP YELLING IN MY EAR! I NEVER SAID THIS BEFORE, BUT YOUR VOICE IS LIKE NAILS ON A CHALKBOARD!" Lakilulu screamed.
"OH YEAH AND YOUR VOICE IS SOOOOOOOOO MUCH BETTER, EH!? DON'T TALK TO ME!" Lakilester retorted.
"WILL YOU PEOPLE STOP YELLING!? THIS IS COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY!" Koopie joined in on the yelling competition.
"DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE THE BATHROOM IS AT!? I NEED TO GO PEE REALLY BAD BUT I DON'T WANNA GET LOST IN THE BUILDING!" Tiny randomly yelled.
"THAT IS IT! THIS SHOW IS GOING DOWN! I HATE IT AND I HATE EVERYONE WHO IS INVOLVED WITH THIS PIECE OF CRAP!" Lakilester raged and threw his chair at the audience.
"Everyone, just calm down! Ludwig, hurry up and give Boo the prize before Lakilester ends up killing someone!" Bow shrieked.
"NO! THERE WILL BE NO PRIZES GIVEN! NONE OF YOU DESERVE ONE!" Lakilester shrilled and grabbed Lakilulu's chair, with her still on it, and threw her at Ludwig. The chair smashed into pieces as it crashed into Ludwig and Lakilulu landed on top of him, both knocked out instantly.
"HOLY SHIT! Uhhh...wait a second! We haven't shown how many coins we have left due to the phone calls that were made earlier!" Bow panicked and tried to float towards the coin counter but screamed when she saw one of the phones coming straight at her. She ducked just in time and the phone smashed into the wall. Bow hurriedly pressed the button on the counter and the new count was 995,991,000.
"Ooh, excellent! 2 million coins were donated today! Give a big thanks to Ludwig for proposing such a surprisingly brilliant idea and...OH MY GOD!" Bow suddenly screamed and nearly dodged another thrown chair. "OKAY, EVERYONE EVACUATE THE ROOM RIGHT NOW! SOMEONE COME OVER HERE AND GET THIS SON OF A BITCH UNDER CONTROL! WE'LL SEE YOU VIEWERS NEXT TIME ON THE VARIETY SHOW!" Bow then fled the scene.
EOC.
Sorry for the late update. School has been giving me a lot more homework than usual lately so it's always important that I get it done first so my grades won't slip. Mario Party Deluxe should be updated in a few days.
Next chapter will be the aftermath of Nastasia's death, Roy contemplating suicide, and Peach's breakdown. The chapter will be titled 'By the Grace of God'.
