"Are we seriously going to walk all the way up this hill?" Stefan complained. "Why can't I just pick you up and whoosh to the top? You said I've never whooshed you before. Now's the perfect opportunity."
Elowen laughed. "I said the same thing and you said that was cheating."
"Ugh, I was that kind of guy."
Elowen stopped her trek and faced Stefan. "By all means, if you want to cheat, I'm not going to stop you, but you're going to miss the waterfall. We're almost there. I promise."
Stefan huffed dramatically. "Alright, fine. Lead the way."
Elowen turned back around and continued walking. They climbed a little further up in silence before they reached the clearing where the waterfall was.
"See?" Elowen gestured at the waterfall. "Isn't it beautiful?"
Stefan took his eyes off of the waterfall and looked down at Elowen.
"I think I've seen something more beautiful than this."
Elowen looked away from the waterfall and up at Stefan. They stared at each other for a moment before Elowen smirked.
"I told you that you weren't terrible at flirting. Now do you see what I mean?" She faced the waterfall again and pointed at the top of the hill. "We still have a ways to go. Come on."
Elowen took a step forward when Stefan grabbed her wrist.
"Oh, no, we're cheating."
Stefan started to pick Elowen up bridal style and she shrieked in surprise before giggling loudly. After making sure he had her securely in his arms, Stefan pushed off and flew through the air before landing at the top of the hill. He carefully set Elowen down on her feet once they made it.
"So?" He asked. "How did that feel?"
Elowen smiled up at Stefan. "Freeing. Like I was on top of the world."
"Still can't believe I've never whooshed you before."
Elowen laughed. "Well, being whooshed wasn't that high on my list. We've always had more important things to worry about."
She faced the view on the top of the hill and took it in.
"It's nice to see this properly this time."
Stefan looked away from Elowen and followed her gaze.
"Right. You said that you were too busy crying."
Elowen sighed. "Yeah. I was in the middle of this…. Absolutely horrible fight with Damon. I thought he was never going to talk to me again and that our relationship was over, that there was nothing left to salvage. You took me here to take my mind off of things."
"And instead you decided to talk about becoming a vampire."
"Which was a really bad idea, but the events that were happening at the time made me think about it big time. When I brought it up, you immediately shut it down. You said that even though you'd thought about it a hundred times, you knew that becoming a vampire and giving up being a witch would've made me miserable and that I shouldn't force myself to be something that I'm not. You were right." Elowen faced Stefan again. "We talked in depth about the kind of life we could have together. When we were ready, we were going to start a family."
Stefan's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Seriously?"
Elowen nodded. "Mm-hmm. We were going to have two little girls. Evelyn and Claire."
Stefan smiled. "We even had names picked out?"
"We sure did. Evelyn was the name I picked, and you chose Claire."
"Well, what if one of the kids ended up being a boy?"
Elowen thought this over.
"Well… initially, I was thinking Jaden, but… now I think I would name him Josiah, in honor of my brother."
"Josiah," Stefan repeated. "I like it." He paused. "It's working, you know?"
Elowen looked up at him hopefully. "You're remembering?"
Stefan shook his head. "No. I mean, this, whatever we're doing. The distracting, the sublimating, whatever you wanna call it. The urge to feed has settled. I'm not, uh, hungry anymore."
"Well, good."
"Whatever monster I was capable of being, I could see why I was different around you."
"You were never a monster."
"Elowen, I saw my reflection in the mirror today. I was scared of me."
"You never scared me. I saw you at your worst moments, and you've seen me at mine. We've both done horrible things, killed people, even, but we always stuck with each other through it all. You were always there for me and always respected my wishes and who I was as a person, and I loved that about you. The first time I saw you for what you were, you took my hands in yours and placed them on your face, like this."
Elowen reached up and tentatively placed her hands against Stefan's cheeks.
"And you told me that you wanted to show me that there was nothing to be afraid of."
Elowen started to move her hands, but Stefan grabbed her wrists.
"Don't."
Slowly, he put her hands back against his face. His fingers trailed down her arms to her jawline so he could caress her skin. He looked down at her and into her eyes deeply and Elowen felt herself swallowing, butterflies erupting in her stomach. She hadn't felt this way with Stefan in a long time, and part of her felt like she was falling in love with him all over again. Gently, Stefan tugged her closer and leaned down, closing the gap between them. Elowen felt her eyes automatically close as Stefan's lips met hers.
At first the kiss was soft and delicate, as if Stefan was testing the waters, and when he kissed her again, it was much more passionate and fiery. Elowen kissed him back with the same energy, her hands grabbing a fistful of the front of his shirt and pulling him farther into her. Stefan's hands trailed down to the back of her thighs, lifted her up in one swift movement and sped over to a nearby tree, pressing Elowen against it. She moaned into his mouth and Stefan started trailing kisses down her neck. This is when things took a turn.
He got a whiff of the scent of Elowen's blood and immediately felt his fangs protrude. He abruptly stopped his movements and Elowen, breathless and panting, looked down at him in confusion.
"Stefan? What's wrong?"
Stefan let his grip on her go and Elowen wobbled back down on her feet. Stefan kept his head down and took a couple of steps back, putting distance between them. Elowen tried to approach him, but he put an arm out.
"Stop! Stop. I don't wanna hurt you. You're the last person I want to hurt."
Elowen caught on to what was happening and stayed in her place.
"Stefan, we've been through this before, a long time ago, and you were able to control it then, so you can do it now."
Stefan lifted his head, revealing his red irises and the dark veins slithering down his face, and shook his head.
"No, no, just, don't move."
"Stefan, you've got to-"
"I have to get out of here."
"No, Stefan-"
But before she could react, Stefan turned and sped off, leaving Elowen alone.
"Wait, Stefan!"
Except, it was too late. Stefan was already gone.
xxxx
Elowen had headed back to the cemetery to look for Stefan, knowing that this is where he'd gone, and tried to call Damon for the millionth time that night. Finally, he answered.
"Hey! Where are you?" She asked once the line went through. "I've been calling."
"I'm at home," Damon replied. "Look, I really need to talk to you about something."
"Damon, Stefan's gone."
"What? What happened?"
Elowen sighed. "He kissed me and he started to lose control. He said he didn't want to hurt me and then he just sped off. Damon, there's an entire graveyard full of people right now."
"Okay. I'm on my way."
As she hung up, a premonition came on.
Jesse was standing alone in one of the crypts, having just gotten off the phone. When he turned, Stefan was standing behind him. He sped at Jesse and sank his fangs into his neck for a few seconds, then pulled back.
"There. That wasn't so bad, was it? I did it. I stopped."
"I don't know what you are, man, but-"
Stefan cut Jesse off. "Oh, I'm a ripper. You know what that means? That means I literally can't stop feeding until I rip someone's head off, but look at us. We're working it out."
"Let me out of here, please!" Jesse begged fearfully.
"I know I should let you out. I'm good, right? I'm compassionate. I live with this burning hunger inside me that allows me to stay in control, but what do I have to show for it, huh?"
"I don't know you, man."
"I have no memories because my brain was fried. My girlfriend, who I don't remember, has been trying all day to help me remember even the slightest thing, and I wish I could remember her because she's amazing! She's kind, and patient, and funny, and so full of life and most importantly, she's clearly in love with me and I wish that I could remember what it was like to be hopelessly in love with her back, but I can't! I can't, and I don't think I ever will, and I just feel like I'm a constant reminder of the man she used to love. I almost hurt her today, and that in turn hurt me, so you tell me… what's the point of being good?"
Stefan vamped out again, grabbed Jesse roughly, and bit into his neck again.
Elowen wildly looked around the graveyard once the premonition ended and started running in the direction she knew Stefan was in. Reaching the correct crypt, Elowen ran in just as Stefan sped at Jesse. Acting quickly, she threw out her hand and cast the spell. Stefan pulled away from Jesse's neck and grabbed his head in pain. Jesse fell to the ground, unconscious, just as Caroline rushed in behind Elowen. She saw Jesse and dropped down to make sure he was okay. Elowen lifted the spell.
"This isn't you, okay?" She told Stefan. "You might not remember, but I do. You are better than this. You are not this person."
"I have to go," Stefan mumbled instead.
"What?"
"I have to leave."
"Stefan, wait-"
Stefan turned and pushed past Elowen. She moved to go after him, but by the time she made it outside, Stefan was already gone.
xxxx
"Where else could he be?" Elowen asked frantically as she entered the boarding house. "I mean, we've practically looked everywhere, and-" She stopped. "Do you hear that?"
Damon stopped and listened. They looked at each other before Elowen just about bolted towards the library. They found Stefan crouching in front of the fire, burning his journals.
"Stefan!" Elowen breathed in relief. "Thank god you're okay. I was worried that-"
"What are you doing here, brother?" Damon asked, cutting her off.
"Well, you know, just tying up a few odds and ends," Stefan replied.
"You sure you want to do that?"
"Well, I know what I don't want." Stefan stood up. "I don't want to be the person in these journals anymore. I don't want to live in this house. I don't want my brother's advice." His eyes landed on Elowen. "And I especially don't want to hurt you."
Elowen started to shake her head, taking a step towards Stefan. "You won't-"
"Please don't come any closer. I don't know if I can control myself if I smell you again and the thought of hurting you really scares me. I just… I need space. Put yourself in my shoes. Waking up with no memory, not knowing who you are, and being told you're a 164 year old vampire with bloodlust issues and a drinking problem. It's a lot to process. I'm not gonna go on a ripper binge, I promise." He looked at Elowen. "You can call me every hour to make sure I'm okay if you need to feel reassured, because I trust you. I just need some time. Give me at least that."
Stefan grabbed a duffel bag and turned to leave as Elowen nodded.
"Okay," she said quietly. "You're right. You deserve at least that."
Stefan cast one last glance at her and nodded.
"Thank you."
After Stefan left, Damon turned to her.
"That's it?" He asked. "You're just gonna let him leave?"
Elowen sighed. "You heard him, Damon. He needs space. I'm not gonna sit here and force feed him 164 years worth of memories all at once and not let him up for air. He has to breathe sometime." She shook her head. "I just hope that I hear from-"
Bonnie's dead.
Elowen stopped talking as the little voice in her head spoke. Damon furrowed his eyebrows and looked down at her in confusion.
"Wen? Hope you hear from who?"
Elowen's eyes flickered up to Damon and he saw that they were filling with unshed tears.
"Bonnie," she whispered, a single tear running down her face. "She's dead. Bonnie's dead."
Damon's face turned pained. Slowly, he nodded.
"I know. Jeremy told me."
Elowen started to hyperventilate.
"She's dead! She's been dead all summer and I didn't notice. Damon, she's… she's…"
Damon took her in his arms as she started to sob.
xxxx
The next morning, Elowen slowly approached the Salvatore crypt. Stefan had texted her and told her to meet him there. He was standing in the middle of the crypt when she entered.
"Hey," she said softly. "How are you feeling?"
"Hm. I'm feeling better, which in my world means I haven't committed a homicide since I last saw you. I've been doing a lot of thinking today, a lot of wandering around, and this seemed like the most appropriate place to come." He turned around to face her and frowned when he saw her face. "What's wrong?"
Elowen swallowed. "It's Bonnie. My friend, our friend. She's dead."
"Oh. What… what happened?"
"Um." Elowen cleared her throat when her voice cracked. "She died bringing Jeremy back to life. My brother… Josiah… that's how he died, too. He told me Bonnie was fine. He lied to me, little shit." She sniffled, trying to hold back tears. "And thinking about Bonnie just reminds me of how Joey is gone, and how I'm never going to see him again, and-"
Her voice cracked again, and this time she couldn't hold the tears back.
"I had an entire summer to grieve my brother, and instead I spent it looking for you and avoiding the inevitable and now I'm being faced with it full force, and I don't know what to do, and it feels like everything is falling apart, and-"
The most Elowen talked, the more her voice sped up.
"I hate crying because it makes me feel weak and it reminds me of the stupid, scared little girl I used to be before I moved to Mystic Falls. It makes me feel 13 and helpless all over again! And you're you, but you're not you, and that makes me feel even worse because this is what you were good at! You were good at being there for me and comforting me and you always knew the right thing to say, and you just-"
Elowen cut herself off with a sob. Her fingers tangled into her curls and she tried to breathe, but couldn't no matter how hard she tried. Stefan stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her, allowing her to cry into his shoulder.
"It's okay," he whispered into her ear. "I might not have my memories, but I'm still me. You still have me, okay? You will always have me. You are not scared, or stupid, or weak, or helpless. You're strong, fearless, beautiful, and you deserve the world. I'm sorry about your brother and I'm sorry that I can't remember him. I wish that I could. I'm sure you were the best big sister anyone could've asked for."
"He's gone," Elowen sobbed, pulled away from Stefan's shoulder. "He's never coming back, Stefan. He's just… gone."
Stefan reached up and brushed some of Elowen's hair from her face before wiping some of her tears away.
"I'm sure that Josiah wouldn't want you to be sad." He smiled down at her. "Let me be here for you, okay? What do you want me to do?"
"Just hold me," Elowen replied, voice thick with tears. "That's all I want."
Stefan nodded. He placed a gentle kiss to her forehead before pulling her back into him.
xxxx
Damon, Elowen, Caroline, Matt, Elena, Esmeralda, Toby, Adriana and Angel, all dressed in funeral attire, approached a tree stump where Jeremy, who was wearing a suit, placed a picture frame of Bonnie on top. Caroline walked up to the stump and placed black and red cheerleading pom poms next to the picture. Matt went next, setting down a lifeguard whistle down. Elena scattered white feathers over the stump, while Elowen and Esmeralda each put down matching rings that Bonnie had bought them for Christmas one year. It had been a set of three. Bonnie had the last ring, completing the set. Josiah had whined about it, but let it go a few hours later.
Damon walked over and placed down Bonnie's grimoire. Jeremy grabbed a small bell that was sitting on the stump as he started to speak.
"We ring this bell in honor of Bonnie, in remembrance for her." He rang the bell and set it back on the stump. "I'm not sure what else to say."
Bonnie, who had appeared next to Jeremy, smiled and leaned over to him.
"Say that I'm not going anywhere. Say that even though they couldn't see me, I've been there the whole time."
"She says that she's not going anywhere, that she's been here all along," Jeremy repeated. He turned to Elena. "Bonnie has watched you have the summer of your life, and she saw you happy, and she knows that you think you can't have a normal life and feel like you have to be there for everyone, but you don't."
He looked between Elowen and Elena.
"You're both going to repack your things, go back to college, and live it up. Matt, you didn't do anything wrong. She would've sent you 300 emails back if I could. She misses you. Caroline, she watched you decorate your dorm room like your life depended on it."
Caroline gave a watery laugh.
"She knows that college isn't everything you expected and that you feel like something's missing, but…"
He noticed Tyler walking up from behind them. Everyone turned and saw him. He walked over and placed a single white rose on the stump with everything else. Toby held Elena as she started to cry and Adriana grabbed onto Angel's hand when she looked over and saw his face. Josiah appeared next to Jeremy.
"Tell Elowen that Stefan was right, I wouldn't want her to be sad."
Jeremy nodded, and turned to Elowen.
"Josiah says that Stefan was right. He doesn't want you to be sad."
"Tell her that while she might never see me again, I'm not gone. I'll always be there for her, watching over her silently."
"While you might never see him again, he's not gone. He'll always be there for you, silently watching over you."
Elowen sniffled, blinking back tears, and laughed.
"I'm supposed to be watching over you, you idiot."
Josiah smiled. "The tables have turned, Ellie. Oh, and by the way, I'm touched that you would name your son after me. And I mean that in a serious way."
Jeremy repeated this, causing Elowen to smile.
"You heard that?"
"Of course I did. Like I said, silently watching over you. I love you. You and mom both."
A few tears spilled over and Esmeralda pulled Elowen into her shoulder. They both silently cried together. Damon reached over, grabbed Elowen's free hand, and gave it a reassuring squeeze.
They all stayed at the tree stump for a while, all grieving together.
