CH 30

Jerry had told his friends that his Mom was in a movie. Of course, when it came to town in the only movie house Collinsport had, they all went to go see it. Betty's Dad had a van, so all five of them piled in with her Dad and Mom to go see The Crazy Princess.

"I heard about this movie," Betty's mother said. "Supposedly, a sword fight scene wasn't scripted and someone really got stabbed with a sword."

"That was Mom," Jerry explained. "She was sore for a bit but recovered pretty fast. I asked her what happened, but she wouldn't tell me."

Betty's mother turned to him. "It wasn't bad then?"

"I don't think so, she wasn't upset or anything. If anything, I think she thought it was funny."

"This should be interesting," Betty's father said.

"We've seen Jerry's mom sword fight in tournaments. She's really good," Jacob said.

Betty giggled. "Yeah, that one big guy she put in the hospital. She beat him bad."

"Totally trashed him," Jerry agreed.

"I heard he never fenced ever again." Bill said.

Coming to the movie house, the parking lot was filled. Betty's dad did find a spot on the street. They all got out and joined the long line waiting to get in.

.

The line didn't move for another fifteen minutes, then a mass came out of the theater and the line started moving. As they moved along in line, Jerry and Patricia held hands.

Jerry was really liking Patricia, she was fun to be with and always smiled at him. They made out a lot too. Every chance they got. The pool was their favorite place, normally it was just them in the pool. Sometimes, their friends would come swim with them. Everyone liked watching Patricia swim in her tail. Betty tried it once but hated the restricted feeling of her legs being 'stuck' together.

Jerry was finding it harder to swim without his tail. He could stay up without it, but it wasn't easy. If he didn't vigorously tread water or swim, he sank. He wore his tail in the pool many times just to keep afloat.

Other than trouble staying on the surface in the pool, and having to put up with teachers at school, Jerry was loving life. Duncan and Jackie asked him if he wanted to be adopted. He'd grinned at the hopeful looks on their faces. He agreed, of all the places he'd lived and the temporary parents he'd had, being here with Duncan and Jackie was fantastic. Of course, he'd gotten a big motherly hug from Jackie. They even had a party when the adoption was confirmed. Patricia was at his party too. Jerry felt high in his glory, he now had real parents and a great girlfriend.

Getting to the ticket booth, Jerry was surprised they all got asked for their ages. The Movie was rated 'R', no one under 16 was admitted. Of course they lied and since no proof of age was required, they all got in.

A stop at the busy concession stand and they got drinks and snacks. Following Jacob and Betty in, Jerry led Patricia down to the center rows of seats. Luckily they got close to the first rows. Jerry sat down with Betty on one side and Patricia on the other.

Patricia whispered to him, "You want to see your Mom get stabbed?"

Jerry whispered back, "I'm curious who could stab her. I've seen her fencing matches, Mom's a real bad ass with a sword."

Another commercial ended, then a black screen with big red letters came up.

Warning
The last sword fight scene was unscripted.
Two real life fencers made this scene and an injury did occur. The actors involved wanted the scene to stand as filmed. Those who are squeamish take heed.

"Wow, real blood," some guy behind Jerry said.

The warning stayed up for a few minutes, then the opening credits can on as music played.

The Crazy Princess

Actor's names one up one by one.

Jackie Connor as Princess Lisa
Montgomery Weston as the swordsman Tabur
Malinara Tanner as the Witch
Joan Connor as Queen Linda
Robert Tanner as King Hubart

The music fades into the opening.

Queen Linda and Princess Lisa are riding in their royal coach heading home, dressed in their gowns and jewelry.

"When we get back to the castle, you're going to continue to study swordsmanship?" the Queen asks.

"I am!" Lisa beams. "After all, my betroved Tagur is a swordsman, isn't he?"

The Queen cast her a smirk. "Tagur is the best swordsman we've ever seen. Don't tell me you want to duel with him."

Lisa nodded. "If he wants to marry me, he'll have to beat me first! I won't make it easy on him."

"Lisa! You can't go doing things like that!" the Queen admonished. "You are suppose to be a Lady. Ladies do not sword fight. Especially with their prospective husbands. You could get hurt badly! I will NOT allow it!"

Lisa rolled her eyes. "A duel to first blood." She then grew a crooked grin and added, "If he's going to be my husband, he's going to poke me anyway, right?"

"Lisa!" the Queen cried in a gasp.

Lisa shrugged. "Just saying…"

The Queen frowned at her. "You truly need to stop being crude. Ladies do not speak like that. Ladies need to be prim and proper!"

"Yes, mother," Lisa said in a grumble.

The scene changed to the road as the coach comes upon four horsemen in ring mail over brown leather blocking the road. Another four appear behind them. The six guards draw their swords. Four more come from each side on foot. They all attack. The guards fight bravely but are overwhelmed by numbers.

The coach door flies open. Lisa jumps out and snaps up a sword off the ground and stabs it into a brigand's butt. Jumping to the side, she throws the sword into the back of another brigand. A mounted brigand, she kicks his horse in the ass. As the rider of the bucking horse falls, she kicks him in the face, takes his sword and stabs him, then runs to meet another brigand. In a short sword fight, she drops low to stab him in the groin, then kicks him in the head. Running and weaving, she downs two more swordsmen. Her and a single guard are left standing.

While she is doing this, Brigands get into the coach and pull the Queen out.
Eight brigands are still standing. The leader gets behind the Queen and puts his sword to her neck and yells, "Keep resisting if you want to see her DIE!"

"Brave piece of shit, aren't you?" Lisa roars back. "Surely you can't be afraid to fight me?"

"Swords down NOW!" he yells.

The guard beside her drops his sword. He looks at Lisa nervously. "Princess, please, we can't let the Queen die."

A couple brigands approach Lisa. "Put it down now!" one snaps.

With a yell of frustration, Lisa throws her sword down like a spear, right into a brigand's foot. "There' it's down!" she spits.

The brigand she speared cries out in pain. He yanks the sword out of his foot. Glaring at her, he cocks back with his sword.

"HOLD!" the leader snaps. "She's the one we want. Bind her hands and feet, get her on a horse."

"She stabbed me in the foot!" the wounded brigand cries.

"DO IT!" the leader snaps. Pointing his sword at the Princess, he then barks, "Behave or you will be in pain!"

Lisa sneers at him. "Like I'm afraid of you."

.

Jerry chuckles, "That's Mom all right."

.

Another brigand grabs a lose branch and cracks Lisa on the back of her head. She falls, knocked out.

"You WILL be hunted down!" The Queen states.

The leader rips the Queen's necklace off and pushed her down. "You two, grab anything of worth off the coach. Tie that little bitch up, time to go!"

As the men do as he says, the Queen scurries up and quickly climbs up on the driver's seat of the coach. She snaps the reins and takes off. A brigand tried to climb up with her, she kicks him off.

Hearing more horses coming the leader grits his teeth. "More men are coming, we need to leave now!" They mount up and leave with the Princess thrown over a saddle.

The brigands retreat to a bridge where a cloaked figure showing only bits of her face and some red hair stands waiting. The leader stops to give her a bag. "Here's your gold. Once we're over, burn the bridge!"

They ride across, the figure raises a hand and fire spews forth, burning the bridge up. The figure fades back into the woods. The group of soldiers coming all stop and watch the burning bridge, cursing.

Scene change

The Queen at the castle beside the King. Before them is a solider in a polished chest plate and ring mail and bearing a shining steel sword on his hip.

The King says, "Tagur, Princess Lisa had been kidnapped we think by brigands. They fled down the Silver Spring road and burned the creek bridge behind them. We need you to gather your forces and retrieve her. Any men you need are yours."

Tagur bowed. "It shall be done, your majesty." Tagur then points to the men behind him. "To your mounts, we have Princess Lisa to save!"

Scene change

Princess Lisa is pushed into a tower room by her shoulders and a solid grip on her hair. One brigand pulls her necklace off. "This is a fine bauble," he said with a grin.

"Thief!" she snaps. She twists herself around and gives him a hard knee in the groin.

The other one slaps her hard across the face, knocking her down.

She winces then growls, "Brave scum aren't ya?"

"Shut up or we'll beat you more!"

The one who she kicked grips his club and raises it. She eyes him, when he swings down, she rolls quickly towards him and kicks his shin. He misses with his swing and stumbles to fall. The other guard swings down and smacks her square in her belly. She lets out a pained yell and tries to curl up. Both men push her on her back and begin beating her with their clubs. She tried to wiggle away and gets knocked out from a hit to the side of her head.

Strip her!" the man who was kicked said.

"Just her outer clothes, and those bracelets." The other agreed. They untie her hands, take her bracelets then begin pulling her clothes off.

Scene change

Tagur beside his horse, facing 20 men. He announces, "Princess Lisa has been kidnapped! From the site where it happened, many fell, as did some of our brave guards. You men are the best fifteen fighters in the land, You five thieves are all pardoned if we get the Princess back. Not knowing where she was taken or how many of those brigands are left, I will be counting on you to retrieve her as we keep the Brigands busy. Now mount up!"

Tagur has a pair of thieves ride just ahead of their group, they all thunder off in a gallop.

Scene change

Lisa, now heavily bruised an eye blackened and swollen shut, and blood trickling down the side of her head, wakes up to find herself alone in the tower room and wearing only her ripped shift. She searched the room to find a bed, a table with some food and a pitcher of water on it. She ignores the food and searches for a way out. Crawling over to the slit window, she climbs up and sees she's high up in the air. She crawls over to the bed and on it to sit, holding her side as she is eyeing the room. Looking at the ceiling and the supports, she grows a tight grin.

Getting up, wincing from the pain of moving, she drags the bed towards the window.

Scene change

Tagur and his group find the burnt and collapsing bridge and search for another way to cross the steep sided valley. Traveling along the edge, they find a hut.

Outside the hut a red headed woman in a cloak is chopping wood.

"M'lady!" Tagur called. "We need to cross the stream, do you know of a bridge nearby?"

The woman eyed him and pointed back to the road. "Just stay on the road, there's one right there."

"No, Ma'am, someone burned that bridge down."

"They did?" she asks innocently. "That was the only bridge for miles in either direction." She then lifts a finger and adds, "I can make you one, I'm a witch. It will cost you twenty gold."

"Please, Ma'am, we are in a hurry," Tagur explained.

"Give me 20 gold, and you'll have your bridge," she replied.

Tagur explained, "I don't have it on me, and we need to hurry to save the Princess."

"Then you better go get it. Come back when you do."

Tagur eyed her angrily. "We need that bridge now!"

She held her hand out, palm up. "As I said, give me the gold and I'll make a bridge for you. No gold, no bridge."

Tagur drew his sword, "I vow to give you your gold, but I want that bridge now!"

The woman raised her hand. Fire flew from it over the men's heads. Their horses whinnied and backed away as the men ducked.

The woman loudly said, "Do not threaten me! I WILL roast the lot of you! The price is now 25 gold, want to make it higher? NO GOLD, NO BRIDGE!"

Angry, Tagur and his men left.

Scene change

A maid with two guards come up to the tower room to feed the princess. They unlock the door and walk in. They find the bed is stripped. A sheet is tied to the bed, the other end hanging out the window.

"That window is too narrow, she couldn't have escaped out of it!" one guard announced.

"There's nothing in here she can hide behind," the other guard said.

Both guards ran over to look anyway.

One guard pulls the ripped end of the sheet back in.

The scene shifts to show Lisa up on a rafter holding the end of a bed sheet tied to another rafter. The princess swings down from the rafters with the rest of the sheet. She kicks the two guards in the head to make them bang into the wall and drop.

Grabbing a club, Princess Lisa cracks the shocked maid over the head, she drops. The princess then hobble runs out the door, locking it shut behind her.

Limping down the spiral stairs, the princess slows upon hearing voices. It's another room with some guards inside. She quietly slips past them and continues down to find a vacant kitchen. She goes in and finds a knife. She binds the knife to the end of the club and grabs a chunk of bread to eat. She leaves, continuing down the stairs.

At the bottom of the stairs is another room. Doors to the sides and a thick door that has a bar across it and slot in it to be opened. Seeing no one, she goes over to crack the slot open.

Dimly, she hears pounding on a door and demands to be let out. "Shit already?" she asks herself. She take the bar off the door and slips into a side room that's a store room. She crawls behind a sack of grain.

In the tower, guards go up to find the two guards nursing their head wounds and the maid who's still out. They run back down, searching for the Princess. Not finding her inside they note the bar is off the door and they all go running out to find her. An alert is called and they go searching for her.

Peeking out of the store room, the Princess listens. No one's in the tower, so she hobbles to the exit door and opens the slot to see the last guards riding off to hunt her down.

She frowns briefly, then grabs a rope to tie it to the middle of the bar, and pushes the other end out of the slot. She pulls the bar above where it drops down, steps outside, then shuts the door and lowers the bar in place. With the bar in place, she shoves the rest of the rope back inside. She begins to search inside the walls of the tower. She finds a long rope and an axe. Rope over her shoulder, axe in one hand and her club with a knife on the other end of it, she limps out of the gate and off into the trees.

Scene change

Tagur returns to the red head's hut. They find her sitting in a chair, leaned back against her hut. He dismounts, and walks over to her. He gives her a bag of gold.

"As you asked, 25 gold. Now make the bridge." he stated.

"Of course!" she beamed. She waved a hand, snapped her fingers and said, "Turn around."

Tagur turned to the creek. A narrow but solid bridge is now across the valley to the other side. He turns back to her. "It goes into the woods," he complained.

The woman frowned at him. "You said you wanted a bridge, there it is! You never specified where you wanted it."

"I assumed it would be on the road," he replied heavily.

"Never assume!" the woman stated. "You just make an ass out of yourself."

Tagur eyed her, then mounted his horse. "Men, let's GO!"

Tagur and his men ride across the bridge single file and made their way back to the road through the woods.

Scene change

Frustrated in their search, two brigand guards return to the tower and find the door locked. They ride back to the head guard and tell him the princess fooled them, she's still inside the tower. His men spread out, he yells for them to return to the tower quickly.

Scene change

From the trees, The princess watches them ride past one at a time in their hast. Counting, when she is sure the last one is coming, she uses the axe to chop the rope pulling a branch back. The branch springs out and knocks the rider off his horse. She runs out to spear him in the neck with the club/knife and kills him. She grabs his sword, mounts the horse and flees farther back down the road.

Tagur and his band ride fast down the road to find the Princess riding towards them in her dirty and blood spattered underclothes. They all stop.

"We're coming to rescue you." Tagur stated.

"Too late, I rescued myself. We do need to go find out who those brigands are working for." Princess Lisa replies.

"But, you're in your underclothes!"

Princess Lisa scowls at him. "So what? They beat me, stripped me and stole my jewelry. I want their asses!"

The Princess leads them back to the tower to find the brigands have gathered and have chopped a log to make a battering ram. They break the door down as the Princess and company ride in.

Dismounting, the Princess points her sword at them. "Drop your weapons or die!"

Angry, the brigands charge, so do Lisa, Tagur and his men.

In the following sword fights, Tagur and the Princess kill six guards, three surrender. After they are tied up and admit the evil King was behind the kidnapping, she walks up and whacks each of them in the balls with a club then goes in to get her clothes and jewelry back.

Scene, on the road

On their way back home Tagur and the Princess ride side by side. She has her clothes back on, now disheveled. She still has the sword she took in a scabbard and belt she took from one of the dead brigands. The bound and aching prisoners are in a cart in the middle of the group.

Tagur eyed her. "Princess, I must say you handle yourself very well. You took down three of them yourself."

"Four," Lisa corrects. "The dead guy on the road we saw coming back here, I got him too."

Tagur chuckles. "For a noble, you did very well!"

"I knocked two out, tricked the others and got myself free. I think I did pretty good," she says with a smirk.

"Still, you shouldn't be running around in your underclothes," he said dryly.

"Didn't have much choice," she replies. "You know, I think I'm just as good with a sword are you are. Maybe a bit better," she says in teasing tone.

Tagur raises an eyebrow. "Do I hear a challenge?"

Lisa nodded, then announced with a sly impish grin on her face. "And the winner can do anything she wants with the Loser."

"She?"

"Yes, she." The princess stated firmly.

Tagur laughed. "Princess you are skilled, but I'm afraid It would be me who wins that match."

Lisa grinned. "All right, you're on! Duel to first blood!"

Tagur's face drops. "Princess, I wasn't serious."

"Oh come on! You want to marry me, right?" she cries. "Then prove to me you can defend me!"

"Princess I will not fight a duel with you. You could get seriously hurt!"

"So could you," Lisa retorts. "Think of it this way, instead of sending you out on some ridiculous task to prove your loyalty to me and end up being gone for a long time and possibly have something really bad happen to you. You won't even have to leave the castle!"

"Princess, how could I willingly hurt you?" Tagur asked in a near wail. "The King would never allow it!"

"Who says he has to know?" Lisa asks with a wave of her hand. "Pick one of your men to monitor the duel to ensure fairness, and we could do it in a barn!"

"Princess," Tagur says eyeing her. "I an not going to fight a duel with you!"

Lisa snaps her head forward. "Then I can't marry you if you won't prove yourself to me."

Softer, Tagur says, "Princess, Lisa, please be reasonable. I cannot willingly harm you. How could I possibly stick you with a sword?"

Lisa eyed him and grew a crooked grin. "If you can't put something long and hard in me, I don't want you for a husband."

Behind them a few men laughed. Tagur blushed and turned to glare at them. They forced themselves silent.

"Tagur," Lisa said in a soft tone. "I do want to marry you, you're a real good guy. The best I know. I also don't want to make up some foolish quest for you to run off on. I've already been beaten badly, I'm not afraid if a little bit of pain. Please, this duel is for first blood. A nick will do it, and you can kiss it and make it better later, Ok? My task for you is to duel with me and win, for first blood. I want you with me."

Tagur frowned at her. "Lisa, there are many reasons why I want to be with you, but this request is very hard for me. I'd rather face a dragon alone in just a loin cloth than to strike you with anything, let alone a sword."

"I know," Lisa agrees. "But that also means if you can bring yourself to do it, that will be the biggest show of dedication to me that you could ever perform."

"I highly doubt the King will let that happen," he stated.

Lisa looks ahead and stops her horse. "We're getting to the stream. Let's do it here."

"WHAT?" Tagur cries.

"Yes, this is perfect," she says and dismounts. Drawing her sword, she steps clear of the horses. "If you tag me here, we can blame it on the brigands."

"Lisa! You're insane! You're still wounded from those brigands beating on you!"

Lisa shrugged. "Then you'll have a better chance at winning," she replies.

"You're in a dress, and I've got armor on."

"Then you should be able to win."

"That's NOT a fair duel!" Tagur cries.

"Then get your armor off, I'll wait," Lisa counters.

"Hey Boss?" a rider in the front of the pack says, "For whatever reason, she really wants this. In a first blood duel, a light nick does count. As for when and how, she is making sense. You have no intention of really hurting her.
We'll be the witnesses and we won't say anything. Right guys?"

The men all bobbed their heads in agreement.

Tagur eyed Lisa for a moment, then let out a sigh. He got off his horse and began removing his armor. "You're not going to let me just give you a scratch, are you?" he asks Lisa.

"Sorry, hon, you're going to have to work at it," she replied. "And if I get the fist blood, then like I said, I can do what I want with you but there won't be a wedding."

Tagur finished taking his armor off and shook his head. "Lisa you are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, but you're nuts." He drew his sword. "I'm not going to be gentle."

"Never asked you to," she replied and raised her sword up.

He gave her a sword salute which she returned. "Begin!" he barks.

The men gathered closer in a semi circle as Tagur and Lisa circled each other, swords up. "You should have your sword in your right hand, you're not left handed," Tagur coaxed.

"Darn," Lisa replies, then jumps in to smack his sword to the side. She retreats as he whips his sword back in place. Tagur then smacks her sword aside then jumps back. Lisa quickly recovers. They take tentative stabs at each other, then quicken the pace. Tagur tries to tag he sword arm. He misses when she dodges and has to parry her straight thrust at him.

They move faster and faster and it begins to be a real duel. Clanging swords together, Tagur catches the base of her sword and knocks it out of her hand. He then steps back. "Pick it up."

Lisa does now holding her sword in her right hand. She salutes him again.

They clash together again, and Lisa is moving faster. She catches his sword in a spin then smacks it to knock it out of his hand. She steps back. "Pick it up," she says with a smirk.

Tagur snorts and retrieves his sword. "You are better than I though you'd be."

"You ain't seen nothing yet, darlin," Lisa replies with a crooked grin.

They clash together again in a flashing blur of blades. The ringing of steel fills the forest as the men watch, now riveted by the skill both are showing. The duel goes on, attacks, parries and both moving and dodging to strike again.

Becoming sore, Lisa means to knock his sword away from a stab at her right arm. She does, but makes it point at her chest. She snaps her body to twist out of the way. His blade plunges square into her left breast. She was moving forward to hit him, the momentum of his attack and hers drive the sword all the way through to come out the other side.

The both stop, frozen in place and gape at the sword now driving all the way though her.

Wearing a look of shock, Lisa squeaks out an, "ouch."

Tabur also wears a shocked look.

.
In the audience, many women also cry out "Ouch!" Others just let out a gasp.

"On my GOD, I'm so sorry!" Tagur cries. He pulls his sword back to free it, making her injured breast quake briefly.

Lisa drops her sword. Both staring at her wound, she weakly says, "You got me."

"I … I'm so sorry!" Tagur wails and drops his sword.

Lisa gazes at him. "You got me!" she announces, and plows into him to hug him. "You really got me!"

"I… I didn't mean it!" Tagur cries with tears in his eyes.

"You did it!" Lisa beams at him, then kisses him. "Now we can get married!"

"But, you're hurt," he stuttered.

"Then bandage me," Lisa said with a sly grin. "I told you you'd have to kiss it and make it better, right?"

Thinking to stop the blood oozing from both sides of her breast, he cups it and calls, "I need a bandage here!"

Lisa winces a bit but helps him get her dress and shift down so he can gently bandage her wound with his shaking hands. All the men turn away as he does and gets her wrapped up and her clothes back together.

Scene:

The foyer to the castle. The front doors burst open by two men quickly flinging them open. In between them, Tagur strides in carrying a battered and bloody Princess Lisa. Even though she bears a blackened eye, bruises and blood on her, Lisa is smiling.

The King and Queen runs up to them. "Lisa!" the King cried, "What happened to you?"

"I got beat up by bad guys and got in a couple sword fights. My hero Tagur here saved me! Father, he was so brave! I ask that his quest to prove his loyalty has been fulfilled and we are allowed to marry," Lisa says brightly.

The King looked at Lisa and nodded. "He arrived none too soon by the looks of you. Tagur, I give my blessing for you to marry Princess Lisa. Did any brigands survive?"

"A few, we have them bound in a cart. Shall I have them taken to the dungeon?"

The King waved a hand at Lisa. "After what they did to my daughter? Put them down there for today. Tomorrow, they will be beheaded!"

The Queen came up and motioned to Tagur, "Please take Lisa up to her room, I will summon nurses to come tend to her." She then winced, "She's in horrible shape."

Tagur bowed his head. "As you wish, my Queen." He turned to nod to his men to take care of the brigands.

Going up the stairs, Lisa made sure no one else was in within earshot, then softly said, "Now you can stick me with something long and hard that feels good."

Tagur grinned at her. "As you wish, my Princess." They kissed.

The credits rolled.

.

Holding her left breast, Patricia said, "I swore I felt that!"

Jerry cast her a smirk. "Don't even say you want to duel with me now."

She smacked his shoulder.

"Jerry!" Jacob asked, wide-eyed. "That wasn't … I mean your mom wasn't wearing something fake?"

"No, that was all her," Jerry assured him. Jerry noted some dazed looking faces as they left the theater. He also had to agree, his mom was a bit nuts.
.