A/N: Well, it's been six months and I have edited approximately half a chapter. I still had a couple in reserve and I feel terrible for making you all wait so long, so decided to go ahead and post it. I am still working on changing the whole story to 3rd person and I'm hopeful that once I've completed that, some of my inspiration will come back, but it's a long job.

Just wanted to say again how much I appreciate every like and comment. Your feedback really does mean the world to me and keeps me coming back.

One last thing: I'm pregnant! We're expecting our first child in March 2023, so I'm afraid my posting is only going to get more irregular. I hope to still post as much as possible, but I really can't make any promises.

Anyway, thanks for sticking with me and I hope you enjoy this update. :)

- O - O - O - O - O -

After what had been a long, sleepless night for everyone and an even worse morning for some, our group remained silent during the walk back to camp. Charlotte gripped my hand the entire way, pressed against my side for comfort. The trauma of what she had witnessed hung heavy on her young shoulders and I suspected that her visibly fragile state was not so different to the inner turmoil of the others. Even Bellamy looked as if he was hanging on by a thread.

Light faded from the sky as we trudged through the forest and were left to navigate the last stretch in darkness. Anxiety began to bubble in my chest, which alongside a deep sense of guilt over my lack of action with Atom, left me vulnerable. Regardless of my desire to remain hopeful, I was forced to acknowledge the fact that my extended absence from camp may also have cost Jasper his life.

In the distance, the glow of a fire caused my stomach to lurch in dread. Keeping a firm grip on Charlotte's hand, I parted from the rest of the group to enter camp from a different point and navigated to the area where I knew Zoey had been sleeping recently. I was relieved when I found her chatting to some campers, but the feeling only intensified when she caught sight of me and wordlessly understood that I needed her as a priority.

"Hey! Thank god you're okay." She breathed the moment that she stepped away from the others to allow us to speak privately. "I wondered where you had got to! You had me worried, little rascal." She added with a smile down toward Charlotte, but when she noticed that the young girl couldn't even meet her eyes, her posture stiffened.

"Charlotte's had a rough time. I need to assist Clarke, but I don't want to leave her alone." I began, but before I could even finish my request Zoey was already nodding in agreement and silently encouraging the girl to her side. "You might have your hands full, though. We lost Atom in the fog. Bellamy and a couple of others are about to carry his body home through the main part of camp, but I thought that if you knew where Octavia is right now, then you might want to-"

"I do!" She gasped as the urgency of the situation crashed over her. "Right. Come on, Charlotte. I'm going to need your help. We need to get to O before anyone else. Let's go."

Despite having been practically catatonic for the majority of the day, Charlotte came to life at this request. As usual, Zoey blew me away with her ability to assess precisely what someone needed and was able to utilise Charlotte's wish to contribute to camp to prevent her from crumbling entirely to her trauma. The pair rushed away hand in hand, leaving me with no remaining excuse to avoid entering the main flow of camp myself.

My legs shook with nerves as I carried myself toward the dropship. Without having the chance to check if there were any losses here ahead of time with Zoey, I knew that I might be confronted with the death of numerous friends and tried my best to steel myself. I was so deeply lost in thought when I reached the clearing that I almost walked right into Clarke at the dropship entrance, leaving her to force an apologetic smile.

"Jasper's still alive." She reported, earning a sigh of relief from my lips. "Bellamy has got people arranging supplies for us now and Finn's boiling water for us, so we'll have the tea ready in no time. It's just the three of us as Wells has gone to dig a grave. He didn't want me to deal with that after earlier."

"That's great. Well done." I muttered as I processed her words, but my mind had already begun to spin over the safety of other loved ones. "We, um - we should probably still check his wounds and um-"

A yell interrupted the jumbled flow of words that fell from my mouth and we both glanced toward the campfire to find Octavia crying in Zoey's embrace. My heart ached for her anguish. No matter how brief her time with Atom had been, it would always be devastating to lose someone who had been special to you and at this thought a knot began to form in my stomach.

I reassured myself that if Octavia was safe, then it was likely that Monty was too as he would have remained at Jasper's side with her. Clarke had already confirmed that Jasper was alive and I'd spoken to Zoey, which left only one person unaccounted for. Frantic pounding wracked my chest as I scanned the crowd. There was no sign of him amongst the audience that watched Bellamy attempting in vain to comfort his sister and the harder that I searched, the more I felt myself spiralling into panic.

Just as I felt my breathing growing shallow, movement on the other side of the campfire drew my notice. Someone else was hurriedly inspecting the returning group as if they were missing something vital. The tall man kept his back to me as he pushed through people with a building mania not dissimilar from my own, until he spun around to face me and at last, I caught sight of his familiar lopsided grin.

The moment that Murphy's eyes met mine, a shared wave of relief washed over us and even from across the clearing it was obvious that he felt it as intensely as I did. In fact, he seemed to have completely lost track of his role as he stared over at me. I had to battle every instinct in my body to run to him for comfort, reminding myself that his place in this moment was at Bellamy's side, not mine. However, in spite of the exhaustion of the day I couldn't prevent a weak smile from filling my face at the sight of him, unharmed and safe.

"Come on, O. You don't want your last memory of Atom to be how he looks now." Zoey pleaded as she crouched at Octavia's side just in time to keep her from uncovering Atom's body. "Let Wells lay him to rest. You'll have a place to make peace with the loss later. Right now we'll get you inside, away from all of these eyes."

When Octavia straightened up, she brushed a stray tear from her cheek and I noticed that little Charlotte stepped forward from the crowd. She took the distraught girl's hand in her own and squeezed it to reassure her, just as I had done for her earlier. It was heartwarming to witness that at least one thing I had done today had made an impact, even if it was only minor.

"There was nothing I could do-"

Bellamy moved to approach his sister with a remorseful expression, but she abruptly held up a hand to halt him. There was obvious anger in her eyes when she viewed him, as if warning him to keep his distance. Although I pitied Bellamy after seeing for myself how much this death had broken him, I assumed that there was more to the tension between the siblings than simply her blaming him for the death, or else Zoey would certainly have intervened.

Octavia stormed past him with Charlotte close behind, swatting furiously at Bellamy's attempts to catch her. I couldn't help but to notice the pain in his eyes as he watched his sister leave, but fortunately Zoey was quick to smooth things over, as always. She crept into his space, placing a hand on his arm.

"Just give her time, Bell." She muttered as she glanced up at him with a reassuring smile and then departed to follow her friend.

The confrontation seemed to have returned Murphy to his usual role of second in command, as he turned his back on me to report to Bellamy. The camp leader took a moment to recover, sniffing back the tears that had formed in his eyes and squaring his shoulders as if to remind himself of the authority that he usually wielded here.

"Hey. Would you mind starting without me?" I turned to ask Clarke with a gesture toward the dropship. "I need to tie up a few loose ends and then I'll meet you inside."

Clarke glanced from me to Murphy, then gave a nod of understanding. Parting from her side, I carefully approached the two leaders to wait for their conversation to end so that I could check that Murphy hadn't found some other way to injure himself in my absence. Waiting behind him, I tried to keep enough distance so that it wouldn't look like I was merely eavesdropping.

"And Jasper?" Bellamy asked, nodding toward the dropship with a more tolerant attitude than the last time I'd overheard them discussing him.

"Still breathing. Barely." Murphy answered, clearly unaware that I hadn't already left and was actually close enough to hear him. "I tried to take him out, but your psycho little sister-"

He glanced over his shoulder in the direction that Octavia had left, presumably in search of her, but instead his eyes met mine and he paused abruptly. Although my gaze spoke a thousand words of my displeasure at this revelation, my response was nothing compared to the explosion of anger within Bellamy.

Without warning he launched himself forward to shove Murphy's chest, almost knocking him from his feet with the force of the attack. Barely a second later, his hands balled into fists around the collar of the slightly smaller man's shirt, lifting him so that his face was intimidatingly close to his own.

"My what?!" Bellamy spat, his eyes alight in the kind of fury that I had never witnessed in him before, but had always suspected him to be capable of.

Murphy was clearly taken aback by this outburst, stuttering his adversaries name in shock as he strained to form any words. I stumbled forward a few steps, before pausing at the side of the pair when I realised that I felt caught between the choice to throw myself in the middle of them, or to allow Bellamy to teach him a lesson for his disloyalty.

Murphy stared into the face of our leader, clearly considering his next words carefully. His expression might have seemed calm on the surface to most, but I could sense the rage that simmered beneath.

"Your little sister."

Though his words were submissive, his tone remained bitter and he immediately pushed Bellamy back. The men squared up to each other, both seeming as if they were daring the other to make the first move. Around them, the entire camp felt as if they were holding their breath, but the tension hung particularly hard over me as my emotions waged war inside my mind.

"That's right. My little sister." Bellamy growled, leaning into his second in command. "Got anything else you want to say about her?"

For the first time, I couldn't be sure which outcome would be the correct choice. Usually no matter what the cause of Murphy's fights, I wanted to ensure that he was safe. I could always separate the parts of him that I knew and cared for from those that were less desirable. After the distressing day that I had endured, returning home only to find that he had waited for my absence to betray me stung especially hard.

"Nothing. Sorry."

The moment that Bellamy departed from the clearing, Murphy turned to view me. It was obvious from the look in his eyes that he had noticed the change in my demeanour. Without a single word being spoken between us, we both acknowledged that the fondness we'd felt barely minutes earlier staring at each other across the campfire had given way to something far more sinister. Tension brewed between us almost as charged as it had with him and Bellamy, and I found myself regarding him with open disgust.

"You tried to kill Jasper?" I asked in a low, accusatory voice.

Instead of showing remorse, Murphy simply rubbed the back of his neck as if he were more inconvenienced that he hadn't been able to control the way I had discovered this information. I suspected that he had planned to reveal it to me in a manner that softened the blow, alongside some favour or excuse that made it seem that he'd had no other choice. Now, he was left to figure out his story directly in the face of my contempt.

"Yes." He answered eventually, after several seconds of trying and failing to find an angle to work.

"Even after what I said to you before, you couldn't give him a chance?" I questioned, offering him the opportunity to explain himself, but he opted to continue being obnoxious instead.

"He's had a chance!" Murphy blurted, before sighing heavily in an effort to calm himself as if realised that he was taking out his anger at Bellamy on me. "He's dying anyway. I'm just speeding up the process for the good of the entire camp."

"What a fucking saviour you are. We're blessed to have you." I remarked, crossing my arms at him in impatience and he shook his head.

"Consider it a mercy killing." He answered with a shrug, stepping slightly closer to me. "I know that you want to save him, but sometimes you have to admit defeat. I can see how much the pressure is getting to you. It shouldn't be on your shoulders to end it. I didn't want you to have that responsibility."

The gentle delivery of his words grated on my frazzled nerves. After watching Clarke take responsibility with Atom in Bellamy's stead, it was unbearably insulting for Murphy to act as if he was protecting me in the same manner. Perhaps even worse was his belief that I wouldn't see past this act, as if I didn't know him well enough to recognise when he was attempting to save his own skin. Finally, the careful balancing act that I'd been walking with him since we arrived reached its end and I could no longer hold my tongue.

"Don't act like you were doing me a favour! You're just doing what suits you, as usual, and disregarding anyone whose opinion doesn't match your own." I snapped, stepping back a few paces to avoid his advances. "You do not get to condemn Jasper simply because he is an inconvenience to you, Murphy, and especially not when I'm telling you with my medical experience that he can be saved. It is not your decision to make."

Unable to form a response, Murphy simply observed me with disbelief heavy in his face. He opened his mouth to speak a few times, but seemed to think better of it and I got the distinct impression that he hadn't been prepared for me to fight back. He stared down at the ground, unable to meet my eyes and his hands came to rest in his pockets. It was as if he had only just realised that the silent, oppressed girl he had met on the Ark had ceased to exist; that I now had a voice of my own and I didn't need him to speak for me.

"I spent the entire night and day risking my life to find something that would help Jasper and whilst I was gone, instead of worrying about me like I was for you, or trying to make sure that he would last until I could get back, you were trying to kill him. Does my life mean that little to you?" I probed, observing the way that his brows furrowed together in confusion.

"Of course not." He blurted as if it were obvious, but his attitude only worsened my upset and I didn't allow him the chance to elaborate.

"What if it was me in Jasper's position?" I interrogated, stepping closer to him with a newfound determination to force the truth from him. "What if my injuries the other day had been worse and I was the one laying in the dropship, screaming out in pain and hanging onto life with everything I had. Would you tell Bellamy to end it? Would it be just a mercy killing to you then?"

"Cas." He stuttered, squirming under the pressure as I refused to avert my gaze. "I don't - it's not - that's different."

"How is it different?" I pressed, refusing to relent on my need for an answer. "You were apparently on good enough terms with him to stand up for him when we arrived, just like you do for me. What exactly means that it couldn't change like that with me too? And if you say something stupid like it's because I'm hot, I swear-"

My voice began to crack from emotion and I cut myself off, feeling that I was allowing myself to be too vulnerable. In the silence that followed, Murphy gazed into my expectant eyes with a pitiful expression, but he made no effort to speak. Whatever the reasoning, words seemed to fail him and I was left to fill in the blanks with the painful lessons I had learned from my past.

"You asked me before what matters to me most of all?" I offered in a flat tone that was almost void of all emotion now and Murphy nodded for me to continue. "Loyalty. And you've just shown me that you have zero."

Turning on my heel, I stormed away without awaiting an answer and left him to process the realisation that his actions had hurt me. Whether or not that mattered to him, I could no longer be certain; this break in our bond left me with the echo of betrayal that I knew well. It burned through my chest in its own special brand of agony.

In an effort to avoid wallowing in the aftermath of our fight, I headed straight to the upper level of the dropship to assist with Jasper's treatment. Whilst Clarke and Finn worked on stewing the seaweed into a tea, I silently cleaned each of his wounds. It felt as if I was redeeming myself for my absence that had allowed Murphy to seriously threaten his life.

Although I knew on a logical level that I wasn't responsible for his choices, I couldn't help feeling guilty. The emotional part of me felt as if it had been my unwillingness to accept that Murphy was a danger to Jasper that had caused this outcome. Now, I could only hope that saving him might make up for this lack of judgement.

It was only the discovery that the activated charcoal treatment I'd suggested had improved his condition that was able to silence my negative thoughts. Even if nothing else had gone right today, even if I'd failed Atom and underestimated Murphy, it would all be worth something. Alongside the use of the seaweed tea, we finally stood a chance of saving Jasper.

Considering what Clarke had been forced to do today, I assessed that she likely needed a win and allowed her to gently assist Jasper to drink the tea. Octavia sat behind him, holding his head in her lap in a way that I was sure he would have been thoroughly pleased by if he had been conscious enough to realise what was happening. In the meantime, I settled at the back of the room beside Monty.

Low voices filled the small space as each of those present respected Jasper's need to rest. Watching Octavia stroke his face caused me to smile despite the heartbreak that filled my chest and I noticed that Monty's expression reflected my own. With little left to distract me, my conversation with Murphy repeated in my mind. The emptiness of his expressions in the face of my demands sent a fresh pain through me and I sniffed back the tears that threatened to escape my composure.

"He'll be okay now. I can feel it." Monty remarked quietly, carefully taking my hand in his and I was surprised at myself when I didn't immediately move away, as I usually would when touched. "We have faith in you, Cas. It's all going to be okay."

Although he was unaware of the storm of emotions in my mind, I couldn't deny that his words were still exactly what I needed to hear. It was a vital reminder that unlike my time in the Skybox, I was no longer alone. With a deep sigh of exhaustion, I relaxed my posture and slid closer to rest my head on Monty's shoulder.

"Thank you."

- O - O - O - O - O -

"Cas. Wake up!"

I opened my eyes to movement all around me and for several moments, I couldn't remember where I was. The room in the dropship was dark, with only a few lanterns spread around and I sat alone in the corner whilst Monty, Finn and Octavia dashed over to investigate something.

All at one everything returned to me. The others were crowded around Jasper, blocking him from view. My heart almost leapt out of my chest in panic. I rose to my feet quickly enough that I stumbled in my haste to reach him and prayed that whatever had gone wrong was something that I could fix.

Instead, I found Jasper holding his head up for Finn to assist him in drinking from a bottle of water and for the first time since he'd been carried back to camp, his eyes were fully open.

"He just woke up a minute ago." Monty breathed.

His relief was practically palpable as he stared into my face with glistening eyes. The sight of Jasper reaching out a hand to his best friend gave me such a powerful sense of hope that I couldn't even find any words to express myself. A silent chuckle fell from my lips when Monty grasped his hand in return, clutching my chest in relief.

Whilst the others fussed around our newly awakened friend, I kneeled opposite Finn and gripped Jasper's available hand, placing my fingers on his wrist to check his pulse.

"Was that a dream, or did I get speared?" He asked, so distracted by the energy that it took to speak that he hadn't even noticed me touching him.

"I'm afraid that it wasn't a dream." I muttered, causing him to turn to face me with delight. "You've been causing Clarke and I quite the headache with your adventures, I hope you know." I added playfully, but before he could gather himself to respond Clarke emerged from the hatch.

"She's right. You have. And if you don't believe us, you'll have a very impressive scar to prove it." She teased as she wandered over to crouch at my side.

"My saviours!" Jasper cheered, regarding the two of us with a bright smile that caused my eyes to fill with happy tears.

"Thank you for not dying. I don't think I could have taken that today." Clarke breathed as she seemed to be struck with the same sentimentality that I had, and we snuck appreciative smiles at each other.

"I'll try not to die tomorrow too, if that's cool." Jasper chuckled weakly.

Light laughter echoed around our tired group. In the calm that followed, I realised how welcome this change was after the turmoil of the past few days. Merely hours ago we had been on the verge of defeat, unable to believe that there was anything left to hope for, but in as little as a few minutes Jasper had managed to bring a smile to every person around him, even the girl who was still in the midst of her grief.

As I observed Octavia's relieved expression, I realised that the hours she had spent at his side after Clarke and I dropped her in the deep end of medicine had gone completely unacknowledged. Keen to ensure that I gave her the credit she deserved, and hopefully a much needed boost to her morale, I cleared my throat.

"You had better, otherwise all of Octavia's work as your nurse will be wasted." I remarked as I gestured to her. "She's barely left your side. Clarke and I would have been lost without her. You've been very well attended by this one."

As if he had only just noticed her presence, Jasper turned to regard Octavia with a mixture of shock and fondness. Though she was visibly uncomfortable with my praise, the moment that her eyes met with Jasper's she relaxed again and squeezed his leg affectionately.

"Oh, hello!" He sang as a beaming grin overtook his playful features and his silliness was entirely contagious, before he quickly fell back into a slumber.

"It's still early days, and he'll need a lot of rest, but we're finally through the woods." I announced once I had checked his temperature, pulse and confirmed that there were no signs of any further infection. "I don't know about the rest of you, but I couldn't have asked for a better end to today."

"Cheers!"

Finn set off celebrations by holding up the flask that I had recovered from the vehicle we'd hidden out in overnight. It was promptly passed around the group and thanks to the newfound joy that Jasper had inspired, I held my tongue about wasting the medical stores. After all, we had been granted a miracle.