Author's note: so this is the second chapter! It's been kind of hard writing this and I really need to know what you think of it. Unfortunately I don't have so much time to write, so if you want me to update soon, review! The more reviews I get, the faster I write. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter!
Chapter 2: I need to be next to you
A few hours later, even if she was a mess, Meredith was working. She wasn't a Derek's relative, she had no excuse not to do her job. Addison was his wife, she wasn't. Addison could be with him waiting for him to wake up, she couldn't. She had no right to be outside his room crying, now she understood it. But still….
Her mind said to her all of that, but her heart felt he would want her to be next to him….she wanted to be next to him.
So, without realizing it, she was going into his room. Obviously, Addison was there. Stupid, stupid heart…she had to begin to ignore it.
- Meredith- Addison said simply when she saw her. She was sitting near Derek's bed an was holding his hand.
Meredith bit her lower lip: she was uncomfortable.
- How is he?- she asked simply.
- The same-
Meredith watched Derek: he was so…..lifeless. Seeing him like that broke her heart.
It's my fault. It's my fault. It's my fault.
She couldn't stop thinking it….Derek could never wake up again and it would be he fault.
- Meredith, are you ok? - asked Addison.
Perfect. She should have asked her it…Addison was the wife there.
- I'm fine…I'm just worried for him- she said. God, that answer was so reductive…..she wasn't just worried, she was scared like hell.
- They told me you were with him when….you know- said Addison.
Meredith nodded uncomfortable.
- How did it happen?-
Shit.
What was she suppose to say? "Your husband could die because he saved me"
Perfect, really perfect.
- I'm so sorry Addison…-
Ok, she was really stupid…..she couldn't find a more stupid way to start the sentence.
Addison was looking at her questioningly.
- I was the one who was going to be the victim of the incident. Derek saved me- Meredith explained.
Addison laughed…..she was laughing. Meredith couldn't believe it.
- Addison…-
- It's always about you- said Addison
- What?-
- Everything's about you, always. Everything Derek does…..and now he's in a hospital bed fighting to live and I find out is because you. Even that.-
- Addison I feel horrible, you have to believe me. I know it's my fault…I know. I would give my life if it was necessary to wake him up!- she said with wide eyes.
- I know that, I know you still love him-
- No, it's not like this…-
- Of course it is. You love Derek, I've always known it. But the thing is…I don't care….I don't care, Meredith. I'm tired of being afraid of losing him because of you, I'm so tired. I am Derek's wife, you're just his ex mistress. So, do me a favour: stay away from him-
Meredith fought to keep herself from crying. She just nodded and walked away.
The worst thing was that Addison was right…..and even if Derek had had sex with her and wanted to talk about it, the truth was he hadn't left his wife.
She wasn't anyone…..nevertheless she loved him so much.
Her mobile phone rang. She saw the number: it was Finn's. She didn't know if answer, she hadn't acted so well with him the day before…
FLASHBACK
Ten minutes after Derek was been brought in the ER, Meredith walked into the hospital. She had felt paralyzed after the incident, so she had stayed outside. But now she had to go to him, she had to make sure he was going to be alright.
- Meredith!- : it was Finn
- Not now, Finn. Derek's had an accident, I have to check on him- she said without quit walking.
- I know, I saw while they were taking him inside…..I'll come with you-.
They immediately found him: when something happens to the most popular doctor in the hospital, everybody know it.
Meredith felt sick: the situation seemed very bad.
- He lost too much blood! He needs blood now! Where the hell is it?- asked Webber.
- It is arriving, Chief- said Bailey.
- But there's no time! They have to hurry up!-
Meredith was freaking out, seriously. She had to do something, she couldn't just stay there and watch him die.
- He can have my blood – she said.
- What? Meredith…- Finn tried to protest, but Meredith ignored him.
- Are you insane, Grey? You can't do this- said Bailey
- Why not? He needs blood and I can give him it, I belong to the blood group 0, I can give blood to anyone-
- But Meredith, the blood is arriving…- began the Chief but Meredith cut him off.
- You said he can't wait! I don't care what you two say, I won't let him die!- she yelled……she had lost her self-control.
- Grey, listen to me: he needs too much blood, you can't give him as much blood as he needs. It's dangerous, you know that- said Bailey trying to make her reasoning, but it was useless.
- Doctor Webber, he's crashing!- said a nurse.
- Derek! Oh my God-
- Take her out! Out, Grey!- yelled Webber.
Finn grabbed Meredith's arm and took her out. – Don't touch me!- protested Meredith
- Meredith, you have to calm down….-
- And you have to go-
- But…-
- Go away Finn….please I…I need to be alone-
Finn nodded – If it's what you want…-
- It is-
Finn walked away while a nurse arrived with the blood for Derek.
She was so scared….she wanted to know what was happening, but they didn't let her in.
- Meredith! Meredith, where is Derek?-
It was Addison, they have obviously called her. She was scared, Meredith could tell that.
- He's in there, he…- Addison didn't stay to hear the end of the sentence, she immediately went to him. Meredith wished she was her so badly in that moment…..Derek was fighting for his life and all she could do was wait. It sucked, seriously.
END FLASHBACK
Meredith sighed and answered – Hello?-
- Meredith….I'm Finn-
- Hi- was all she managed to say.
- I just wanted to know how Derek is-
- He's not so fine…..he in a coma- Even just say it hurt her.
- I'm so sorry Meredith….-
- I know you are. Finn, I wanted to apologize for how I acted yesterday….-
- You don't have to...Derek could die and you were scared.-
- Yeah…I was….I am- she was sick of denying her feelings…..it was too much.
Finn was silent for a while – Finn? Are you still there?-
- I don't have chances, right?-
- What?-
- You love him, don't you? So I don't have a chance with you- he sounded so sad….Meredith was really sorry, but she couldn't stay with him after what was happened the last night. Nothing seemed important anymore except for Derek.
- I do love him, you're right. I'm sorry, Finn, I didn't mean to hurt you….-
- Stop….seriously Meredith, this isn't necessary-
- Ok-
- So….I wish we hadn't break up on cell phone, but what it's done it's done, so…- said Finn
- Goodbye Finn-
- Goodbye Meredith-
GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAG
At 2:00 a.m., even if her shift was over five hours earlier, Meredith was still in the hospital: she couldn't let herself leaving that building. She couldn't be in Derek's room because Addison was there, and she had been very clear: she didn't want her around Derek. But she didn't care: Addison couldn't detain her to be in the hospital. It wasn't exactly how to be in Derek's room, but was still something: if he needed her, she would be there.
She was doing her post-op when she saw Addison went in the bathroom. A voice in her head was telling her she could go to Derek and another voice was telling her she couldn't. Of course she listened to the first voice. She knew Addison could be back in any moment, but she really doesn't care: she had to see him.
She went into the room and sat down on the bed. She took Derek's hand and squeezed it.
- I don't know if you can hear me, but I need to talk to you. Yeah, I know that yesterday you was the one who wanted to talk and I was the one who didn't want to listen, so if was awake you could send me away, but you're not awake so….- she stopped for a moment and caressed his face.
- I miss you…you've been like this for only a day and I already miss you. The thing is…since you left me, I've always missed you in many ways. God it's so complicated between us…..it's a mess, Derek. But the truth is….I don't care anymore. I just want you to wake up. Then we could talk all the time you want, but please Derek, wake up….open your eyes and look at me like only you do. Yesterday I told you to stop looking at me, well I've changed my mind. I want you to look at me, I want it. Open your eyes and look at me Derek, please-
She waited for a moment, like she expected her words really worked and wake him….but he didn't wake up.
She bit her lower lip and let tears fall down her cheeks. She kissed his hand, then let her head rest on his chest.
- You're unbelievable, Meredith, have you realized that?- Addison was back.
Meredith stood up: - Addison please, let me be here, let me be next to him-
- I thought I had been clear, but maybe I was wrong-
- Addison….-
- I will be next to Derek, he doesn't need you-
- But…..-
- Stop it! How can you ask to a wife to let his husband in coma with his ex mistress? You can't do that! I want to be alone with him, go away- said Addison
Meredith nodded: - You're right, I'm sorry. I'm going away-
- Well-
- you just tell me if there's any change? Please…-
Addison sighed – I will-
Meredith smiled slightly – Thank you- she said and walked away.
Addison sat down and sighed again. She felt guilty because, deep inside, she knew that her husband wanted Meredith Grey next to him.
