After the first few days recovering from everything that happened, I was able to use some of the spirits to help heal the injuries of the people in the village and our travel group. It was only thanks to Sango and Shippō mentioning something that happened in Rindoh Village that I even figured out how to clear the toxin out of Miroku's body. The poor monk was bedridden.
It was strange, but I found myself growing more tolerable of Miroku ever since the battle against Dokumoryu. I actually started to consider him as a friend. The Shikigami that appeared when I healed him was a blue eagle, one that eyed me very judgmentally as it beat its wings and cleared away the poison. I awkwardly thanked it and quickly had to smack Miroku's hands away when he tried to get a bit too close- the monk attempting to show his gratitude in the only way he knew how. I refused him. Repeatedly.
A week had passed before anyone was ready to go anywhere. Inuyasha took Kirara early this morning and disappeared, and Kagome was heading back home to restock on medicinal supplies. Meanwhile I was visiting the graves of those who had died, sitting there in silence with my head hung low- quietly apologizing for costing them their lives. They had been so kind, so brave to try and help me, and… they were dead.
As soon as the sun rose every morning, I walked around the village and checked up on everyone, asking if they ever needed help or if there was anything I could do for them. They always thanked me for asking, but turned me away more often than not unless they needed healing for a large gash caused by farming or a broken leg due to falling out of a tree whilst hunting. Nothing would relieve me of this guilt.
A wife, several husbands, and even a few children had been lost to Kohaku's blade. I had played with some of the children that had died, knowing them personally. It was horrible.
They should have lived so much longer than what they did.
And so, by the end of every day, I found myself doubling back to the grave site. The incense would bother my lungs so I had to wear a cloth over my face when I visited. I sat down, staring in silence and silently apologizing for causing them their demise. I thanked them for their help, but… I doubted they could even really hear me. The dead were dead. There was never any coming back.
"Irene…?" A familiar voice caught my attention and I turned, seeing Kakuju standing there a few feet away. He must have just arrived to this village. "I'm surprised to see you here. Is this where you are staying?"
I nodded, before remembering he couldn't actually see it. "Y-yeah. Sorry…"
He gave a strange look at that, but it wasn't really at me. It was more in the general direction of which he was staring. "Why apologize? You did nothing wrong. Unless…" He carefully guided his way forward with his cane. "Is something bothering you?"
My eyebrows raised and I took deep breath, turning back to face the graves. "...Yeah, kinda. Sorta impossible not to be, I guess."
Kakuju stepped forward until he was beside me, carefully kneeling down onto the ground, sitting on his legs. He set his cane down horizontally in front of him. "Mind telling me what happened? I can lend you my ear. You seem deeply troubled."
"I just…" I hesitated, not really wanting to share my feelings. I hated doing so. I always felt like I would be ridiculed or insulted, and told that I shouldn't be so upset because other people have it worse than me. I know other people are going through horrible things, but… it doesn't make the pain any less. I didn't want to burden other people with my emotions. I was doing that far too much already. "It… hrmm." I want to talk about it though. I hate being silent. "You… uh… You remember Naraku, right?"
"Yes… he was the one you battled in the castle, was it not? The demon who had poisoned you and your friends, leading you to Rindoh Village?"
"Uh, yeah. Him… well, uh, he showed up. Again." I cleared my throat, awkward and a little uncomfortable. Was it really alright for me to talk about this? "And… he tried to have some people attack me. But… then… then p-people from the village…" Frick. I'm already tearing up. God damn it. I swallowed the lump in my throat, furiously blinking away tears. "They tried to help me. A-And now… they're all dead."
Their screams and terrified faces were still so vivid in my mind. I laced my fingers tightly together in my lap, knuckles turning white.
"I-I knew them. I knew them a-and I… couldn't help them. A-And it's not like we can even stop Naraku because… because of his stupid barrier!"
I want to hit something. I want to hit something so bad right now.
"Th-They're all dead because of me…"
Maria might even be gone now as well. Naraku wasn't exactly well-know for his mercy. I took a shaky breath, struggling very hard not to break down. Kakuju remained silent, listening to me rant. When he finally spoke, it was with a soft voice. "It's suffocating, is it not?" I paused, looking at him with blurry vision. "You try so hard to protect… but it all ends in despair. If you truly wish to save those whom this Naraku will try to hurt next… I can teach you a way to break the barrier."
"Wh-What?" Was he for real right now?
Kakuju's solemn expression became a little more serious, the man looking in the distance and speaking with a grave tone. "You must listen carefully," He told me, "Rindoh Village is at the foot of Mount Huoh. You need to go to the top of the mountain and bring back a fruit from the Magatama Tree growing there."
I looked at him in confusion, not understanding. "Magatama… Tree? What will the fruit do?"
"It's what you need to break the barrier." Kakuju answered calmly. He reached out, placing a shaky hand on my shoulder, leaving me both uncomfortable and a little worried about the task at hand. "The rest will take place once you obtain the fruit and bring it to me. I will teach you the technique needed for a Shikigami Spirit to break the barrier. But you must be careful. It is not easy to obtain the fruit."
"Uh… wh-why not?"
"There is a spirit guarding it." He warned, lowering his voice to a whisper. It was as if he was remembering something unpleasant. "They will test your heart. If they find you unworthy of the fruit, you will be cast into the unknown forever."
"O-Oh." That did not sound pleasant. "Did… Did you ever get a fruit?"
"Once. But that was long time ago, when I was still young. I barely got away with my life." Kakuju needed to break a barrier when he was younger… that's interesting. I didn't know much about this man at all, aside from him being able to help me use the Shikigami. "She is an air spirit and will turn you away upon approach. This is a test of courage, Irene, and of heart. You must prepare well."
"Um…" This did not sound like it was going to end well. "You… realize I'm the most cowardly person in existence, right?"
"Hm?" He pulled his hand away, surprised by my words. "What makes you say that?"
"H-Have you not met me?" I asked, incredulous. "I cry at everything! A-And I'm not exactly good at fighting demons! I've been beaten up more times than I can count since I was brought here to Japan."
Kakuju hummed thoughtfully upon hearing that. "Courage is more than just being able to face a battle. It is facing one's fears to help another. Remember what you told me after your visit to the old temple? You ran into that room and, despite being scared, despite being cornered and trapped by the spider demon, you stayed and were able to free your friends. You are brave, Irene. You just can't see it yourself."
"Th-That's…" I hesitated. I didn't really believe him, but… it wasn't as if I didn't do those things. They were terrifying. I'm still scared. Always, continually scared. I shifted in my spot and pulled my knees up to my chest, resting my chin on my arms. "I just… don't want them to die. That's all. I'm just being selfish."
"Perhaps." He said, a little amused. "But most selfish people would have ran to save themselves. Don't you think that by going after your friends, into the room with the spider, you were being more selfless?"
No. I was motivated by fear and uncertainty more than anything else. There was no winning in that situation- just acting and praying something worked.
"Why don't you just give it try?" He suggested. "If you decide not to go, that is fine. But Naraku is still out there and… as long as you keep your friends with you I am certain you'll be able to get the Magatama fruit. You are quite unlike any other, Irene. Something about you is special."
I almost snorted when I heard him say that. "I wish. But, yeah… he is still out there. Lurking." I sighed, burying my face in my arms. I didn't want to battle anymore, but Naraku had to be stopped. Even if… it meant risking my life to a guardian air spirit. "Okay. I… I'll think about it."
"Proceed with caution when you approach the spirit." Kakuju advised, slowly standing with his cane in his hands. "She can read the minds of those standing in her mist."
And with that he walked away, leaving me to think over what I was just informed about. There was no way I could get the fruit, but we couldn't defeat the evil half-demon without getting past his barrier. Even if I were unable to get the fruit someone else might be able to and then… what? No one else knew how to use the power of Shikigami. Kakuju did, but he was so old he might be the first to die against Naraku. I don't want him dead either.
I brought my hands up and ruffled my hair, groaning. There was no other way to go about it. We have this opportunity where we could have a chance at beating Naraku, yet going might cost me my life. I'm far from worthy. What should I do? What am I supposed to do?
Why did Inuyasha have to disappear and Kagome go home today? Kirara came back to the hut a while ago, but… ugh. This is lame. I'm not strong enough for this. "I'm gonna regret this…" I forced myself to stand, walking away from the grave site when it began to get a bit too stuffy breathing in the dumb cloth. I yanked it off, sticking my tongue out and inhaling the fresh air. "Okay. It's fine. It's fine. Even if I disappear it's fine. What's wandering about in an eternity? Nothing- that's what."
My heart was racing at the thought.
I found Shippō out collecting mushrooms and playing with Kirara. When I told him I had some important stuff to tell everyone he darted over with Kirara and they both jumped into my arms, and I carried them both around the village until I found Sango and Miroku drinking tea in Kaede's hut. They were discussing how they should spend today since both of our main party members were gone. "Uh… hey, guys?"
Dang it, I got goosebumps. This is freaking me out and I haven't even told them what my stupid plan was.
Sango hummed and glanced up at me, a small smile on her face. She looked so happy; I felt bad knowing that that smile might be wiped away later if things went wrong. "What is it, Irene? Are you feeling alright?"
"N-No, I'm good. For now, at least, uh… I-I have some news?"
I awkwardly walked over and sat down, setting the two demons in my lap as I crossed my legs. I tried to calm myself down and de-stress by petting Kirara, the cat demon leaning into my touch and purring. It felt so nice.
"I-I bumped into Kakuju earlier. Er, well, actually he found me, but…"
Miroku frowned, setting his cup down beside him and sitting a little straighter, lacing his hands together. "Irene, did something bad happen? What did he say?"
"Oh! Um. Nothing bad happened… yet." He raised an eyebrow and Sango looked concerned. I cringed. I really didn't want to do this. Unable to handle the intensity of their stares I blurted out, raising my hands up and flailing them around as I tried to explain, "He said… He said there's a way to break the barrier! And we have to go back to Rindoh Village to do it! Th-There's this… this mountain called Huoh and it has this fruit on it, right? But to get to the fruit we have to pass some test by the spirit that's guarding it!"
Miroku raised a hand to his chin, thinking. "If I recall correctly, Mount Huoh is a sacred mountain where monks in training gather. I've been there once when I was boy."
"Really?" Well, that's a bit of a relief. I don't think it would help convince the spirit of our worthiness though. "Um… d-do you know anything about the spirit guardian herself?"
The monk blinked, surprised. A small smile spread across his face. "The guardian is a woman? You must take me with you to meet her!"
"Miroku!" Sango hissed, glaring at me. "Keep your dirty thoughts to yourself!"
"W-Wait, we're actually going?" I was stunned. "I-I didn't even tell you the rest."
"If there's a way to defeat Naraku," Shippō said, looking up at me, "then we should go! Inuyasha and Kagome can wait a while, right? We're always waiting for them."
"Agreed." The female demon slayer nodded, sitting up and looking at us. "If there's anything I can do, Irene, I'll help. I won't let you face this alone."
"But…" I faltered, really not wanting to bring them along with me. My plan was to bring Kirara and have her drop me off at the foot of the mountain, and if I failed no one else would have to suffer alongside me. "If we don't pass her test we could…"
"Don't worry about it." Sango said, smiling as she stood and walked over to grab her weapons. "We've been able to take on anything that's been thrown at us this far, haven't we? Some spirit won't stop us."
"Agreed." Miroku took a quick sip of his tea before setting it back down and following Sango's example, grabbing his staff and heading to the doorway. "And I have a companion that's close by that can give us a lift there. I'll just go and fetch him- so why don't you all wait here? I'm sure dear Hachi will be more than willing to give us all a ride. I doubt we all could fit on Kirara's back anyway."
"Oh, actually!" Shippō spoke up, looking rather proud of himself. "I've been practicing the last few days and I can carry two people on my back now! I'm gonna have to try really hard to help you guys beat Naraku, after all!" The fox demon jumped out of my lap, bringing his fists up triumphantly into the air. "We got this!"
"You're leaving?" Kaede's voice spoke up, the old priestess stepping into the room from the back of the hut. I was still stunned by their behavior, having not expected them to so readily agree to help or even join me. Something about it made my chest well up with warmth, something sad and almost heartbreaking trying to well up to the surface. What was it? Regret? What would I have to regret? My own heart confused me. "What about the others? Will you not wait for them?"
Miroku was already out of the hut, fetching his "friend" that he mentioned. Sango shook her head at Kaede, tying her hiraikotsu to her back. "Nope. The faster we get this done the better. With any luck Inuyasha will also have a way to break the barrier, assuming he did go to see a certain blacksmith, so we'll have two people in our group that can take on Naraku. Besides, it'll be good for us to work a little closer together like this. Don't you guys think?" She glanced at us.
I stammered an awkward agreement and Shippō beamed, smiling. He darted over and jumped onto her shoulder. Kirara let out a happy mew. Miroku returned to the hut a few minutes later with a… raccoon dog? The monk ushered the demon forward with his staff, a rather malicious smile on his face. It was very unnerving to see.
"Go on, Hachi. Introduce yourself. You haven't met Irene yet, have you?"
"N-No, Master Miroku. I have not. " The strange demon stuttered at Miroku's words, seeming very nervous and on edge. He stepped forward, bowing. "I-It's very nice to meet you, Miss Irene! I am a servant of Master Miroku. He… tells me you all need a way to Mount Huoh?"
"Uh… yes?"
"A-Alright!" He stood up stiffly. "I-I'll take you there, even if it costs me my life!"
"Um. P-Please don't go that far…"
We followed Miroku and the raccoon dog demon outside the hut to the forest entrance, where he placed a leaf on his head and transformed in a fashion very similar to Shippō. He became this extremely large cloud-like creature that was over thirty feet long, and was yellow with black stripes. Several villagers let out startled shouts, but didn't attack. They appeared to recognize him. After climbing onto his back he rose into the air and we made our way towards the mountain. It would only take a few hours to get there with Hachi's incredible speed.
"So," Hachi began, his voice altered due to his transformed state, "How long have you been travelling with Master Miroku and his friends?"
I had to think about it. "I… don't know? Over a month, maybe?"
Has it truly been that long? That amount of time felt so wrong. It simultaneously feels like I arrived here just yesterday and forever ago.
Hachi listened to my answer and asked, "What do you do? Are you a demon slayer? You don't look like one. You dress a lot like Kagome though… are you a priestess?"
"No… but I have been called that." I said, biting my bottom lip. "It's weird. I-I can ask Shikigami for help and they'll show up, and depending on the situation they'll attack or heal."
"Ooooh! That sounds scary! You must be very powerful."
"Not really. It's… the Shikigami that are. I'm just the summoner."
Sango shook her head at the conversation, speaking up. "But it takes a lot of energy to summon the Shikigami, Irene. I told you before- your body is too weak to withstand their strength. The same goes for regular priestesses; they might not work in the same way you do, but their holy power is driven from their very soul. If they use too much it can lead to death. Great power is often accompanied by weak bodies."
"What a bummer." Hachi commented. I couldn't agree more.
It was almost evening by the time that we finally arrived to Rindoh Village. Hachi let us down at the base, going to rest in the village until our return. The air was so fresh and crisp here by the mountain- it honestly wouldn't be surprising if there was a spiritual fruit originating there that could defeat Naraku's barrier. I rode on Kirara's back as we made our way up the path, very few demons being encountered on the journey.
Miroku surmised that the air around here kept back the weaker demons, but if any strong ones such as Kirara or Shippō came by… well- they couldn't be stopped except by the air spirit herself. The air pressure and density was so different up the mountain it left me dizzy, and I found myself falling asleep against Kirara the higher up we got. Eventually we stopped, the movement waking me up, and it took a few more minutes for me to get adjusted to the thin air.
I was surprised to see that we were resting in an old hut- one Miroku explained that was often used by monks in their training. "What a dump." Shippō commented, scrunching his nose up as he looked around. "Who would want to sleep here?"
Miroku smiled at that. "Monks don't need luxury, Shippō. They only need a roof to protect against the rain."
"I guess you're right…"
Shortly after we headed outside to start walking again, but I found myself stopping abruptly. There was something nearby, something… not right. My gaze dropped to the ground and moved along the road, stopping only when it landed on a pile of boulders near the cliff. My eyebrows knit together and I blinked, heading towards it.
I felt so… weird all of a sudden. The longer I stared at the rocks, the more I felt like they shouldn't be there.
Miroku turned, seeing the way I was acting. "Is something the matter?"
"No… I don't think." This is strange. I reached out and touched the rock, frowning. Was I just that dazed, now left to imagine things? "It's… this is gonna sound weird, but does that rock look normal to you?"
The monk moved closer, standing beside me and staring at the rock. His eyes narrowed. "It appears so, but something is strange. What is this?" He walked over and rested his hand against the stone, running his fingers along it. For a minute I thought he was messing with me, but he was completely serious as he faced us. "Sango, does this seem off to you? Do you sense anything?"
"Yes." She said, frowning. "It's faint, but I can feel a wind blowing from the cliff."
"I don't get it." Shippō stated, pouting. "I don't see or feel anything strange."
"I don't know…" I brought my arms up and hugged myself. "Maybe we should just keep going…"
The air quality was getting thinner the higher we went up, not to mention colder. My lungs might not be able to handle it. But we needed that fruit, so… even if it hurt me or could cost me my soul… I would deal with it. Maria might even be dead already, so there wasn't really much point in my survival now. All I cared about was making sure everyone else survived and if that meant… risking myself for this fruit… so be it. At least I'd have tried.
I climbed back onto Kirara and we continued up the mountain, entering a small cave. At one point Sango had to climb on Kirara with me, and Shippō transformed to carry Miroku up a few ledges as they were too high up for us to climb regularly. Once we were able to walk again the female demon slayer let out a small groan, having trouble carrying her hiraikotsu.
"My body is getting heavier the higher we climb…"
"The wind is also getting stronger." Miroku noted, digging his staff into the ground to keep standing. One of his hands had Shippō cradled to his chest, preventing the fox demon from being blown away due to his light weight. I held strong to Kirara's fur, the cat demon in her larger state and keeping me rooted with my legs wrapped around her sides. "But it's an unnatural wind. What is going on!?"
"I-I'm gonna blow away!" Shippō cried, clinging tight to Miroku's kimono, about to be thrown away by the wind. "Heeeelp!" The monk's feet were suddenly pushed back and the cat demon roared, moving to catch him and keeping firm hold of all three of us. She held Shippō in her teeth. I let out a small scream, leaning and pressing my face into Kirara's neck. This wind was too powerful! We couldn't even take a step in it without being lifted in the air.
"I-I think this is the work of the air spirit!" Miroku shouted, raising his voice loud enough to be heard over the rustling of the wind. "It's the guardian of this mountain! She's trying to warn us to stay back!"
I still can't believe this is a thing. Air nymphs are real. I had finally accepted demons, but spirits… were still out of my zone. This reality was a ridiculously dangerous one. "Uh, guys!?" Sango yelled, peering past the hiraikotsu she had dug into the ground to keep herself steady. "Do you see that!?"
Up ahead, through all this mist and fog, appeared to a be a thick mass of air. It seemed to take a humanoid shape, but the wind was so strong I couldn't make out her actual appearance save for her eyes. An icy blue, cold and staring right at us. "Who are you?" Her voice echoed all around the mountain, vibrating throughout the air itself. It was deep and authoritative, and seemed to carry with the very wind that was pushing us back. "You who have stepped onto this sacred ground… leave! I will not tolerate you here any longer!"
My fingers were trying so hard to slip from Kirara's shoulders. If I let my guard down for so much as a second I would swept away.
The spirit woman's harsh gaze landed on me and I tensed, watching as she glided forward just enough that I could make out short silvery-blue hair. It was hard to tell due to this fog, but I had feeling this air spirit was very lovely to look at. "You… girl. You have a connection to spirits, do you not? Tell me your name."
"I-Irene…!?" I answered loudly, Kakuju's warning coming to mind at this exact moment. This woman could read my mind. See into my heart. What if she didn't like what she saw? "Wh-Who are you!?"
"I go by the name of Kazumi." She declared. Her body was entirely shrouded by the clouds. "Why have you come here? What do you seek from this sacred mountain?"
Did she not already know? Was the old man simply playing tricks with me, to scare me into being as honest as possible? I knew there was something suspicious about him, but I didn't think he'd be so cruel. "I-I'm sorry!" It's so hard to breathe up here. The air is so thin. "W-We were told that… in order to stop this really bad person… we need a fruit! H-His barrier can't be broken… and if he isn't stopped… more people will die!"
"You mean the Magatama fruit?" The wind around us suddenly stopped, and we all stumbled or slumped over in response. The spirit narrowed her eyes, still hiding behind her mist. It was hard to see even Sango and she was only five feet away from me. "You must have more than power to obtain this. You must wield courage… and a heart of the utmost purity. Did you not realize this?"
"I-I mean…" I spoke breathlessly, left exhausted from all of this. "I-I did, but… I was hoping…"
Pain flitted across my face and I turned away for a moment, flinching. My chest was burning.
"Th-The fruit is… I… I'm sorry. Knew this wouldn't work, but… I wanted to try."
This whole venture was pointless. I knew from the very beginning that getting a fruit was going to be impossible. I was the most cowardly, selfish person I knew. Completely distraught by this news, having expected it since the start, I made myself look at everyone.
"I… tried to tell you." I said, voice cracking. The only consolation was that I couldn't actually see them in this fog. "You wouldn't… let me say it. I'm not brave. I'm not even that nice."
I'm just a weak human that can't even save anyone. I only cause trouble and burden others.
"I-I'm so sorry…"
They were probably so disappointed in me right now. I couldn't bear it.
"I was hoping I could… I could finally help you somehow, but… I can't."
Sango's voice cut through the silence that followed after my words, the woman sounding downright dumbfounded. "Irene… you've always helped us."
"Yes!" Miroku exclaimed, stunned that I would say such self-deprecating things. "Countless times you've helped us in battle and healed us when we were weak!"
I could hear the sound of Sango pulling her hiraikotsu out of the ground, the woman walking forward until she was in front of me and we could actually see each other. Kazumi had floated back a few feet, watching the scene take place with calculating eyes. "If anything… I'm the one who should be apologizing for not being able to help. So many times Kohaku attacked you a-and I… I couldn't fight back. He's my little brother, but you're my best friend. When Kanna tried to steal your soul… I felt so weak. I couldn't save you without hurting Kohaku."
My eyes widened and I quickly reacted, desperate to remove that distressed look from her face. "You know that's not your fault! Y-You had no control over him; Kohaku… Kohaku would never hurt anyone if he had a choice. It's Naraku's fault- he's the one controlling him!"
"But he hurt you! He and Kanna almost took your life!"
"And if you didn't help me back in the mansion," Miroku added, looking at me from his spot against Kirara, the monk serious as he met my gaze, "I would have been eaten by that demon Yurihime. You're stronger than you know, Irene, and every time you get hurt by someone you always forgive them no matter how painful it is. Though it was through unfortunate circumstances, I'm glad we got to meet you. Without you we would have been in some serious trouble before."
"B-But without me you guys wouldn't even have gotten into some of the trouble!" I argued, pent up emotions rising to the surface. I had to tell them, to let them know they were just being fooled. Despite my efforts they were still deceived somehow. Their perceptions of me were completely wrong. "If not for me you guys wouldn't have gotten hurt at all! Heck, Naraku sent Kohaku and Kanna after me, right!? I-If I weren't in that village, then… th-the people…"
I choked, vision blurring as my eyes teared up. I looked down, unable to bring myself to see their expression. It hurt too much. I couldn't tell them- if I did they would be exposed to the monster that I was. Talking about this… was too much.
Shippō, dangling from his tail that was caught in Kirara's mouth, blinked. He pulled himself free and jumped onto her head, staring up at me with big green eyes, innocent and confused. "What about them?"
"Are you talking about the deceased you helped me and Inuyasha bury?" Miroku asked, eyebrows furrowing together. He always was the most perceptive of the group, wasn't he? Frick. It hurts. "The ones who tried to save you?"
"Irene," Sango pressed, "what aren't you telling us?"
It's boiling and festering and tearing away. I can't stop it. It's like I'm back in the lake again, burrowing under the water, but this time I was on land. And this time there was water filling my lungs, but instead of actual water it was the guilt and regret I had on not being able to do anything. For being the one that led to those villagers deaths. It was all me.
"They tried to help me." I bit out, head hung low and lips curled back, teeth grinding hard together as I strangled back the sob trying to form. "Th-They tried to… to save me a-and… they're dead. I couldn't…" The tears were falling. I could feel the hot liquid drip onto the back of my hands, trailing down my cheeks and dripping off my chin. I brought the back of my hand up to my mouth, biting my knuckles for a moment. "I killed them. I led them to their deaths. Ch… Children are dead! Because of me!" My heart felt like it was being crushed by an invisible force, something reaching inside and twisting it about. "I knew them! And if I wasn't in that village they never would have died!"
Everyone looked horrified by what I said.
I knew it...
They hated me now. No one wanted anything to do with me.
I wouldn't either, really. I was a murderer. Perhaps not directly, but I had led to it with my very presence.
The guilt was suffocating.
"I see." The air spirit finally spoke, cutting through the silence. The woman raised a hand and the wind picked up once more, but this time it was aimed directly at me. "Then you should just disappear."
There was really no clear warning. One second I was sitting atop Kirara's back and the next my body was being lifted into the air, being tossed off the cat demon and sent sailing over the mountain side. Eyes wide and fearful, I could only scream as I watched the others vanish from my line of sight, the world around me flying by rapidly as I was sent hurtling downwards. My hands extended out in a desperate attempt to catch myself on something, but it was useless.
"Your heart is contaminated by guilt, your mind polluted with self hatred." I heard the air spirit, Kazumi, claim. She sounded void of all emotion. "Such a person could never be worthy of the Magatama Fruit."
The air around me slowed down and I cried out when I crashed into several tree branches, body tumbling hard onto the ground below. Breathing heavily, I looked up and saw I was back at the bottom of the mountain.
…
"What did you do!?" Sango shouted, dashing to the edge and leaping on Kirara's back. She flew after the girl in an attempt to catch her before it was too late. "Irene!"
She could see the foreigner reach out towards her, the girl's scream ringing out for all to hear, but then she was swallowed up by the mist surrounding the mountain. Sango flew around with Kirara a while longer, trying to locate her friend, only to end up back where she started with Irene nowhere in sight. Kazumi closed her eyes, unbothered.
"The girl is being tested. You cannot reach her now."
"Tested!?" Miroku demanded, stepping forward. He recalled Irene trying to inform them about it, but they were all so eager to break the barrier they didn't bother to learn what sort of test it was. They had assumed it would be a battle. "What do you mean tested? She has done nothing but prove herself time and again! Irene's life is constantly being threatened by danger and her own weakness!"
"Her mind was in chaos, plaguing her heart." Kazumi said, staring them down. Sango was furious, brown eyes ablaze with hatred. "No summoner of spirits can have such turmoil if they wish to have a fruit from this sacred mountain's tree. She will simply have to prove herself, or she shall wander forever in the clouds."
"Clouds?" Shippō asked, voice wavering. "Wh-What do mean by that?"
"The clouds that cleanse this mountain." She explained, true form still unseen. Her cold blue eyes were haunting. "The human mind is polluted by negative thoughts and emotions. One must face the truth and accept it in order to continue the climb up this mountain... or they will wander forever. That is the way of Mount Huoh."
…
I had expected to fail the test; I knew this was going to occur the moment we met the spirit. At first it seemed like she had thrown me off the mountain, but upon closer observation the entire area was covered in a thin veil of white fog, several people wandering aimlessly about and muttering to themselves. The most bothersome ones were those that were screaming, wailing and crying, begging for forgiveness from the spirit or those that they have failed.
A sense of apathy washing over me, I wondered if that would eventually be what I would become given enough time. Driven mad by grief. What was I to do? I was quite content just lying here and I highly doubted anyone would want to see me again after that admission. They knew my true colors.
I was a cheerful, bubbly person… but who despised herself in secret, undeserving of the affection and love others try and give her. Selfish and greedy, but weak and unable to do anything herself. She couldn't even save a little girl and her brother. The village boy who had once asked if she was actually a demon in disguise, as well as his friends who had been arguing with him.
Memories flew through my mind, recalling all the days I weaved baskets with them- being taught how to do so by them. The times they would follow me around the village, intrigued by the strange foreigner that was now living with the priestess Kaede. And now they were gone, their parents left to mourn them… knowing they would never see them again.
I tried so hard to atone. But I was so weak and sickly no one would ever let me help them with anything. I knew they thought me pathetic.
No one ever lets me do anything.
It's why I act so recklessly sometimes. I can't do anything otherwise.
I stared up at the cloudy sky, breathing in the fresh crisp air and questioning if the spirit world was really all that bad. It seemed peaceful here, minus all the crazed lunatics running around begging for a second chance. Going back up the mountain seemed a little pointless. I couldn't climb it normally, but… if we were to wander eternally… we probably couldn't actually die here. I would just suffer.
"I don't want to…"
I really didn't. But they needed that cursed Magatama fruit to break Naraku's stupid barrier. I didn't understand what he got from destroying everything and everyone, but perhaps that could just serve as motivation to stop him. Whatever works. I don't even care anymore right now- I'm too emotion'ed out.
"Please," I heard a man beg, "I just need the fruit to make some medicine! My wife! She needs it!"
I walked passed him with my head hung low, ignoring the desire to try and ask if there was anything I could do to help. This man was probably long since dead now. If he escaped the spirit realm all his years might catch up to him. Would that be mercy killing, I wonder? Maybe I should try and get him out of here.
My foot spun on its heel and I marched over, but the second I opened my mouth to talk to him the man straight up shoved me out of his way. I yelped and crashed hard onto the ground, squeaking and barely moving in time to avoid getting walked on. This dude almost stepped on my hands! Rude. "The heck!?"
"The fruit," He repeated, only looking up, "I need the fruit. The fruit will save her, the fruit, the fruit, the fruit! She needs the fruit!"
What the frick is going on? I mean, I get what's happening, but… jeez. I understand her need to keep out those who would be considered unworthy for the fruit, but she didn't have to torture everyone like this. She kept me alive using her winds when she threw me off, so couldn't she had kept throwing people off the mountain until they gave up? This seems rather sadistic.
I bet if I even tried to climb Huoh a second time she would push me off again. Kakuju really wasn't messing around when he said this would be difficult. At least demons I could try and fight, but this is… different. I was dealing with some kind of sylph or cloud nymph. I wasn't sure what sort of creature an "air spirit" was. I'm still getting used to demons and I had already accepted their existence.
"They're dead, they're dead, they're dead…" A man muttered, his voice appearing out of nowhere and startling me. I jumped and whirled around, seeing him walking in circles with his hands pressed to his face. "It's my fault. My fault, my fault; I did it! I killed them!"
I took a hesitant step back, scared by his speech, before forcing myself forward. There had to be a lesson to be learned from these others souls, right? I had to talk to them, even if they scared me. "Wh… Who did you kill, sir?"
"My family!" He wailed. "I couldn't stop the bandits! I-I hid and… my wife, my daughters… they were taken! My son is dead! It's all my fault!"
"I…" I did not like how similar that felt to my situation. My stomach twisted and I knew I would probably encounter several more people like this. "I'm so sorry…"
"I just need the fruit!" The man sobbed, hunching over and continuing to walk in circles. "I-If I can get the fruit… they'll come back to me then…"
Well. Um. I blinked, chills going down my spine from that conversation. I shivered and hugged myself, more disturbed than scared by what was happening. I looked around, seeing the countless number of beings walking around. I could only assume they were accumulated over the centuries, far too many to have been collected at once. This spirit realm… it was like a parallel version of the real world.
It was created by the air spirit Kazumi, mostly likely, which meant that there was no real escape… not that I could see. Chances are she would have to change her mind on the worth of a person in order for them to leave. How the heck can I do that? I wasn't very persuasive.
I wandered a bit, starting to get annoyed when I wound up back where I started, and finally found the cave from before. There were a lot of people- too many to count. They were all wandering, bumping into each other and muttering, talking about how they had lost their loved ones and that it was all their fault. Some mentioned that it was someone else's fault and that they were completely innocent and had no feelings of guilt at all.
I was starting to come to the conclusion that the people who were freaking out over being guilty are the ones that weren't to blame, and the ones that were pushing the blame onto others were at fault. It felt so wrong. At one point one of the wandering souls reached over and grabbed my shoulders, shaking me back and forth-demanding that I tell them what they should do to fix their problem and how to get them to prove to the spirit of the mountain that they were pure of heart.
I stood there frozen, unable to speak as I gazed into the eyes of someone that was led to insanity.
Then the spirit wailed and pushed me back, walking over to the wall and hitting it with their fists. "Damn it, damn it, damn it! I just want to see my brothers!"
I stumbled back, turning around walking faster, ignoring the racing of my heart and how hard it was getting for me to breathe. My feet stopped moving only when I saw a woman with a round stomach trying to climb the cliff, her swollen heels hitting against the rubble. I flinched when she fell, panic quickly taking over, and without a second thought I rushed over to make sure she was okay. "M-Ma'am!? Y-Your baby, you-!"
"Get off of me!" She snapped, pushing me back. I flinched when my head smacked hard against the stone wall, leaning down and gripping the back of my aching skull with both hands. I cried out and groaned in pain. "I'll save my child myself! Fucking bastard leaving me with this kid…" She grabbed at the rocks again, knees bleeding but otherwise unharmed. "I'll get that fruit! I'll birth a healthy babe and show him!"
I feel so bad for that infant. But at the same time- owwww. My head was going to hurt for hours after that, frick. Ugh… this is what I get for trying to be a decent human being. I hate people. They're such jerks! I'm done pretending to be nice. It's awful. I wanted to help these people, but all they ever did was snap at me and keep wailing. I've lost track of how many I spoke to. Several appeared to be monks, but… none of them acted very virtuous.
"S-Someone, please…"
I almost ignored the voice.
"I'm so scared…"
Ignoring the way the world tried to spin, I turned and tried to find the direction it was coming from. After a few minutes I realized it was coming from up the mountain, a woman sitting on the ledge above. I hesitated, moving back-and-forth and debating whether or not I should really risk getting knocked over again. I wasn't exactly keen on getting hurt even worse than I already was.
As I began to scale the rock wall I berated myself for being such an idiot.
…
Miroku stared at the only visible part of the spirit, boring into her icy eyes. "So what you're saying is… Irene has to prove her worth by accepting the truth? What truth is that?"
The spirit made no movement, staring at them expressionlessly. "Many delude themselves with the lies they create. They believe the fruit can free them of their woes; whether it be to grant a wish or bring the dead back to life… but it cannot. The Magatama fruit's power lies with the spirits. Many neophytes come to this mountain in search of it, as do bandits and distraught travelers. Yet none are ever worthy of it. They do not understand its power."
"And understanding it will make one worthy?" He demanded. "How does that work?"
Kazumi shook her head. "The mist of the mountain brings out the darkest in people, forcing them to reveal their innermost thoughts. She believes herself guilty for the loss of the villagers. The burden of their fate is not hers to bear; the girl must realize this if she is to climb the mountain. She must free her mind of this guilt and continue forward, unchained and unbound by the loss."
"But what does that have to do with the fruit!?" Sango demanded, stepping forward. She looked ready to swing her hiraikotsu at the spirit. Kazumi looked at her, staring deep into her soul. This woman was also broken, but she was not un-fixable. The hearts of others can easily mend her spirit. "Why is Irene so unworthy!? Feeling guilt is what makes us human!"
"It is because she feels too much guilt." The air spirit explained. "Her emotions will inevitably destroy her. The girl is compassionate and kind… but she is tainted by a darkness. To break a barrier of darkness you must use light. Therefore, so long as her heart and mind are polluted with negativity, she will never learn how to use the power of the Magatama fruit."
…
It was really hard trying not to fall. Being barefoot certainly helped, but aside from that… I was doing rather poorly. I had little arm strength and my fingers felt so numb it was hard to keep a good grip on the rocks and vines that I was using to climb. I plotted my course carefully as I climbed, but sometimes the gravel I was stepping on would start to crumble or shake and I would panic, trying to hurry my way up.
I had only started climbing about five minutes ago and I was already extremely dizzy. Just how high was this stupid cliff? When am I going to reach that cursed ledge? If it weren't for all this dumb fog that started to get thicker… It was as if the spirit was trying to slow me down, purposely adding more mist to make it harder for me to see as soon as I started to climb. I was at least twenty or thirty feet off the ground by now.
The voice grew louder, a woman whimpering and crying for help. "I-I wanna go home! Sister… brother… I'm scared."
That sounded a bit like she might still be sane. "H… Hold on!" I shouted at her, hoping she could hear me. I sounded so breathless. "I… I'm on… my way!" A grunt fell out from my lips and I struggled to reach out to the next hold, arms feeling weak and fingers not wanting to cooperate.
I was far from strong, so the muscles in my body weren't holding out very good. All my strength was in my legs. I could feel the sweat bead down my face, my shirt sticking to my back. The sweater I was wearing felt even thicker than usual due to how hot I was, my entire body burning up at the exercise.
"I… got you…" I huffed, finally reaching the first ledge. Pulling myself up was a challenge, the edge trying to crumble away when all my weight fell onto it. I collapsed, kicking at the wall with my feet and scrambling onto the earth above, huffing and puffing, wheezing and gasping, looking at the stranger curled in a corner, completely and utterly exhausted. "A… Are you… okay… ma'am?"
She was dressed in a dark grey and yellow kosode, with a pale blue mo-bakama and furoshiki. Her long black hair was pulled back in a simple ribbon, and when she looked up upon hearing my voice I could see her bangs were separated in a strange fringe, split at the side. Her dark eyes were almost mesmerizing.
"M-My hometown was… was ravaged by bandits. I-I thought the Magatama Fruit could bring back my late husband, but…" The woman brought her hands back up to her face, sobbing. "I-I was wrong! A-And now the vengeful spirit has brought me here to this… this place!"
"Vengeful?" I echoed, brain slowly registering the story that was told me. That word did not seem to suit the ghostly woman who brought us here at all. I heard so many terrible stories on the way up here, all the desires of those who had been seeking the fruit. Why didn't the air spirit just try and explain the situation to the other humans? There was no reason to trap them here. My only guess was that she was simply tired of being a guardian. "I-I don't think… she's vengeful per se?"
"Then what would you call it?" The woman demanded, lifting her head up and glaring at me through her tears. "What even are you- a demon? I've never seen one like you before… your clothes are so odd. And your face…"
I coughed and continued to pull myself forward, forcing my body into a sitting position. Hacking for a good thirty seconds, it took a bit to pull my dazed self together and speak. "Not… a demon." I told her, crossing my legs and running my fingers through my sweaty bangs. I felt disgusting. I was going to have to take a serious bath if I ever got out of here. "Just a… really sickly human. Promise." My chest was burning. "I… I'm Irene. Who are you?"
"Sh… Shizuno."
I nodded along at that, eyes drifting shut as exhaustion took over. It was going to be a while before I could start climbing again, but… that was fine. It wasn't like the others were going to wait for me. They were so nice, but I… wasn't. I told them what happened. I was just going to keep it bottled up, but the pressure was… overwhelming. It was like I was going to burst if I didn't speak. And I did. Now I was alone.
I just hoped they weren't fighting the air spirit. They could get very trigger happy when it came to battling.
"Nice… Nice to… to meet you. Um." I closed my eyes to think, head still pounding, and gestured blindly to the area around us. "This… Is this as far as you got?"
"Yes… I'm afraid I'm not very strong." She told me, looking down as if she were ashamed of herself. "The sight of the other people lost to this strange mist… it scared me greatly. The higher I climbed the more I saw."
That was true. I noticed the number of people increasing the further I went up the mountain. "Well, you got me now, so… there's that. Not totally insane yet. A bit weird and annoying, but… not insane. Wanna climb together?"
She stared at me in surprise. I know I've never seen her before, but her eyes were just so… familiar. "You would… help me? It is pointless, I tell you. The spirit won't let me through. I am not worthy of the fruit."
"Do you still want the fruit?" I asked, tilting my head. "We can tell her that you don't and she might let you go. The lady didn't seem like a total jerk when I met her… granted she did just yeet me off the mountain."
"...Yeet? I'm afraid I do not understand."
"I-It's…" Oh gods. "It's a saying where I'm from. Just- Just ignore it. I speak nonsense. Um. Look. You don't want to stay here, right? I don't want to stay here either. I have a sister I gotta make sure ain't dead, some friends to get back- granted… they probably don't want anything to do with me anymore, and an evil half-demon to stop, so~!" I huffed and stood, brushing some dirt off my pale blue jeans. I walked over, holding a shaky hand out to her with a grin. "You can come with or you can stay here and go crazy! Your choice."
Her eyebrows knit together. "For what reason did you desire the Magatama fruit? Most here are… filled with greed. They want its power for themselves. I, too, was selfish and… it brought me here."
"It…" I hesitated. Memories of the villagers falling came to mind. "I… I need the fruit to break a barrier. If the barrier doesn't break then… more people are gonna die. And… I don't want to see that happen."
"That's sounds awful…" Shizuno said, bringing a hand up to her mouth. "A-Are you certain that it's not another lie someone told? You could have fallen into a trap."
"I mean, probably?" I made a face, moving my head to the side and shaking it, shrugging my shoulders. "Buuut I have no reason to distrust him, you know? I-It's weird. Like, yeah he can be pretty shady when he wants to be, but he's helped me out this far and it's because of him I can talk to Shikigami spirits and heal people. So! I think he's nice. He did mention that this would be really dangerous and I was a firm believer I wouldn't survive. Was that a lie? Nope. Here we are! In a magical space surrounded by a bunch of crazy people."
"You are…" She frowned. "...strange. You speak of dire circumstances, yet you smile so brightly. Why do you behave so casually?"
"I just do." I was still so tired. "Life just sucks. That's how it works. No use mopin' about."
Unless of course several people had died. Damn it. I can still hear their screams, the children calling out for their parents as they ran for their lives. The blood splattering onto the ground… and staining Kohaku's kusarigama.
"Anyway! You never answered my question. You comin' with me?" I stretched out my fingers and wiggled them at her, staring at her expectantly. "You know you waaaant tooooo~! Far over the misty mountains cold~ to dungeons deep and caverns old!" My voice cracked and I coughed, hacking into my sleeve. My voice really could not go low. It was so distressing. The woman gave me such a strange look, but she reached out and took my hand. I felt so lightheaded. "Oh? Yay!"
She shook her head at me, folding her hands close to her chest. "We could be trapped here in eternal suffering," Shizuno told me, "yet you sing? Why?"
"Because if we're gonna be suffering eternally," I declared, holding an index finger up wisely, "we might as well have fun with it. Sadly I don't remember all the lyrics, but! It's a good song." I approached the mountain wall, staring up and squinting my eyes as I tried to gauge how far up we would have to climb before we reached the next ledge. My hands were all scraped up. "Okay… calm down. We can do this. You up for the climb?"
"Y-Yes, I suppose… what about you?" She stared at me, frowning. "Your skin is quite pale…"
"I'll be fine." I had to be. "My… My friends are waiting for me."
If they even still thought of me as one.
"And… your sister?"
I didn't answer. I wasn't even sure she was alive. "If I don't get that Magatama fruit… more people are gonna die. I… I don't want her to be one of them." I looked back at Shizuno, forcing another closed-eye grin, ignoring the lump forming in my throat. I had to be strong- for her. She was in pain as well. Her entire village was destroyed. "So we gotta keep going. Up and at 'em!"
I cracked my knuckles and reached up, grabbing onto a root sticking out from one of the rocks. This part of the wall was covered with vines, but there was no telling if they could all hold. Shizuno followed behind me uncertainly, grabbing onto a rock and climbing. "Th-This is very dangerous!"
Well, obviously. But I was convinced that we couldn't quite… die here? I've seen so many people wandering around and not one skeleton. At least there weren't any demons nearby in this spirit realm that could eat us. I don't think I'd taste very good. Ick. My mind flashed back to the mansion and I cringed, temporarily halting in my climb. Don't freak out. I had to stay calm. This is fine.
I'm fine. Always. Always fine.
I may be slowly breaking apart, but I'm fine. It's how I am.
This is just life.
It's my fault those villagers are dead, so I have to avenge them. Don't I?
Suddenly the vines I was climbing broke and I let out a small shriek, falling back towards the ledge below. The wind around me picked up pace and suddenly my descent slowed, causing me to blink. Then once I was close enough to the ground it stopped and I hit my head, crashing hard onto my back. "O-Ow! Frick!" I cringed and curled onto my side, bringing my hands up to the back of my aching skull. It was being put through so much abuse today. "Dude, that hurt!"
"A-Are you alright!?" Shizuno called down. She was at least thirty feet above me, clinging tight to some vines. "The wind just- how on earth-!?"
"Spirits." I hissed, wincing at the bump that was definitely going to be there for a while. The wind helped enough for me not to die, but wasn't completely forgiving to leave me free of injury. "Eugh…" That seriously hurt, but at least it wasn't fatal. This proved that one of my theories were right. Kazumi would have us wander forever in insanity, but she would not have us kill ourselves. "Frick."
I stumbled, wobbling over to the wall and leaning against it for a moment until my vision cleared. The world was trying to spin on me.
"Need to… keep going." I wheezed. This air spirit guardian person was such a sadist. "Have to… save them…"
My fingers gripped weakly at the roots. I wouldn't be able to climb in this state.
"Naraku… must be… stopped…"
I'm so dizzy. My forehead pressed against the rocky mountain side, eyes closing as I waited to catch my breath. That scared the crap out of me- falling like that. I hated it. After a few long minutes I grabbed at the vines again, fingers feeling numb and tingly, and I kicked at the wall with my bare feet. Being weak is one thing, but being stubborn was another. I was determined.
"I will… defeat him…" I wheezed, reaching up and grasping tiredly at a rock jutting out. It crumbled and I had to go for one higher up, stretching my arm painfully. "Barrier… it will break…"
Naraku sent Kohaku and Kanna after me, and why? Because Anastasia wanted my soul for some god awful reason that still wasn't explained. He made them attack the villagers that were helping me, and if Kagome didn't crack the mirror and force the souls to be freed so many more would already be dead. They tried to help me and Naraku forced Kohaku to kill them because of that. He was awful.
He was more of a madman than anyone else in this place.
The air around me seemed to grow gentler, my body becoming lighter and moving a bit faster. It was almost as if it was giving me a boost, but I knew that couldn't be the case. It was so aggressive earlier. After what surely must have been an hour I reached the ledge I fell from, reuniting with Shizuno who watched as I fell onto my front, eyes closed and breath heavy. "You are not the most healthy person, are you?" She asked.
"I wonder what… gave you that idea?" I wheezed, the sarcasm dripping off my tongue. "I told you… sickly human… didn't I?"
She gave a small smile, almost amused by my weird ways. "You did. Will you be able to make it to the top? There is still quite a ways to go."
"Yeah, just… need to… rest a bit first. Is that okay… with you?"
Shizuno nodded. "Yes… we have all of eternity, after all. Time does not seem to pass in this place. I have seen many arrive here, yet… they never aged. It is rather concerning, but there is nothing we can do. I fear many years have already passed since I was first brought here."
Wait, what? Oh no. My eyes widened and I sat up, looking at her in alarm and ignoring the rapid pounding of my heart. "N-No way… no, no, no! We… We have to hurry! I-I can't-!" I can't be trapped here forever. I have to get that fruit as fast as possible. If Maria was still alive then I can't be left behind. "The mountain! W-We have to… to climb…!"
I stumbled over, dazed and desperate, grabbing at the roots and struggling to climb. Shizuno dashed over and caught me when I fell, startled when she felt the heat radiating from my body. "I-Irene! You are feverish!"
"M'fine." I mumbled. "Have to get… to Sango…"
She, Miroku, Shippō, and Kirara are all up there dealing with the air spirit alone.
"Don't wanna see 'em hurt…"
I'm so sleepy. I want to take a nap.
"Gotta beat Naraku… and his dumb barrier thing…"
"Rest first. We have time." She said softly, voice so soothing. Shizuno carefully moved me away from the wall, keeping her arms around my waist, setting me down on the ground beside her. My head fell against her chest and my eyes closed, giving in to the comfort she gave. A hug felt so nice right now… yet her body was so cold. Her fingers ran gently along my hair, fiddling with the short strands. "You are fighting so strongly right now, are you not? It must be hard…"
"S'not… just… hurts."
"Why do you want to fight this Naraku so bad?"
"He hurts… people." I told her quietly, finding myself being lulled to sleep by her gentle touch. "They… helped me a-and he… killed them."
"He did?"
I nodded, making a small noise of confirmation. "He had… Sango's younger brother… attack. H-He's controlled by him, so he can't… fight back. She's always crying when she… has to face him. I don't like it. She's so much better… when she's happy…"
"I see. So Naraku is the one to blame."
Yes. He made Kohaku hurt them. It was all that evil half-demon's fault that the villagers are dead. "Naraku… killed them…"
"If that is so… then you should be able to climb the mountain now."
"...What?" My eyes slowly opened and I blinked, turning my head to look tiredly at Shizuno.
Her features seemed to change as the wind around us blew stronger, her long black hair shifting into something shorter and more white in color. I yanked myself off of her lap, watching as her colorful kimono become a pale blue, a white cloth draped over her shoulders and wrapped around her arms. As I stumbled into an upright stance, standing and backing away slowly, her dark eyes became an icy blue, lips dark and almost purple in color. I hadn't seen her entire appearance before, but I was certain now as to why Shizuno looked so familiar.
"K-Kazumi?"
…
"Where did she go!?" Sango demanded, whirling around to try and locate where the air spirit disappeared to. They were just talking when the mist became stronger, the entire area around them being covered in fog. The demon slayer couldn't see five feet in front of her. "Miroku! Shippō!"
"Here!" The fox demon informed, about ten feet back.
"I'm over here!" The monk shouted somewhere from her left side, sweeping at the area around him with his staff. "I'd use my Wind Tunnel to suck in this mess, but I might anger the spirits further if I did and cost Irene her life! Sango, what should we do!?"
"I-I don't know!" For once the demon slayer was at a loss. There was no enemy to fight, no goddess to appease. Only a spirit set on challenging their friend to a test of truth. "I… never realized she felt so guilty for what had happened…" Sango said after a moment, looking down at the hiraikotsu in her hand, closing her eyes with a pained expression. "I was only focused on myself. Miroku, I…" She rested a hand over her face, ashamed. "I'm a terrible friend."
"No, Sango, don't blame yourself." The monk shook his head. "I, too, did not notice. I was believing us to finally be able to close the gap and become proper allies, and yet…"
"She's always blaming herself!" Shippō stated, frowning deeply. He appeared greatly bothered. "Irene has such a guilt-complex for some reason! I don't get it! She's always apologizing for every little thing, no matter how small it is! Inuyasha was always yelling at her for it!"
"I-I thought she was just shy." Sango admitted. "But… I guess there's more to it. What do you think, Miroku?"
"Anything could have caused it." He informed them, something unsettling forming in his stomach. The monk always had been unable to refuse helping a young woman in need and the one in trouble now was a friend. Yet how could they protect her if they didn't even know what was wrong? If they couldn't even reach her where she was now? Why did Irene feel the need to place the blame on herself? "I'm afraid we'll just have to ask and pray she will tell us when she returns."
"I hope so…"
…
"H-How did you-!?" I pointed at her, dumbfounded, then gestured to where the brunette used to be. "Sh-She was just- hah? Gah! Shapeshifter!"
I took several more steps back. The woman's expression became blank once more, resembling more of the air spirit I had met earlier. "She was nothing more than an illusion. I created her as a guide, just as I have done time-and-again for those who come up this mountain. A rare few have ever been able to accept their truth and continue forth up the mountain. They were always too trapped in their greed, their selfishness… and would never think twice about abandoning someone else if it meant reaching their own goal."
What is she saying? I don't understand. My head hurts so much from this; I was still so dazed.
Kazumi closed her eyes, opening them only when her purple lips tilted upwards into a smile. "You have passed my test, Irene. You have accepted that Naraku was the one to blame for the villagers deaths. The children did not die because of you. I have seen into your mind… I know what you saw. I know how you felt. With this test I was able to attune your heart and I have come to the decision that you are indeed worthy… of a Magatama fruit."
"But… I literally didn't do anything?" I don't get it. I'm too dizzy for all this. "I just climbed a mountain…"
The air spirit looked amused by this and went on to explain. "Though they scared you, you tried to approach those wandering souls and save them. When you saw the apparition I created… you tried to give her the courage to go on. Though… unorthodox in the way it was done… you remained strong for her for as long as you could. But you are only human- and one who is prone to illness cannot keep on for long." She glanced up at the mountain, icy eyes following the path up. "The wind will help you on your climb up the rest of the mountain. You need not fear falling; now that your mind is clear of guilt… the roots and rocks along the cliff will not break."
I'm still so confused, but alright. "Um, thank you…?"
"Do not thank me just yet." She warned. "If you so much as waver in your thoughts you will fall once more down to the bottom, and your soul will wander here for all eternity like the rest." Kazumi waved her arm and then she was gone, replaced by nothing but more fog.
My eyebrows raised and I shook my head incredulously, unable to believe the audacity some spirits could have. Like, seriously? Jeez. Crazy lady. She was so much nicer as Shizuno. At least she was giving me some advice… kind of. Was this all because I blamed myself for what happened with Kohaku?
That's what I'm getting from that conversation anyway. Ugh, I have such a migraine. I want to go home.
I need another hug.
I walked over and grabbed at the roots, hands shaking. They didn't feel as weak and numb as before, but they were bleeding. I had scraped them up quite badly during my climb. That strange feeling appeared again as I tried to move up the mountain, like the wind was giving me a boost. I supposed it actually was doing that, as it was helping me move a lot faster than before. I reached the next ledge in record time.
I tried not to think too much, focusing on the task at hand, determined not to fall below.
My heart wanted to waver, to believe that the children's deaths were my fault, that everyone who died should have blamed me, but… Shizuno's words stuck. They may have been protecting me, but it was by Naraku ordering Kohaku that they were killed. I had no control over the boy's actions. It was not my fault.
It was his.
The fog slowly cleared away the closer I got to the top and the people wandering around had vanished. I huffed and trembled, feet and hands scratched up and blistered, legs and arms sore. If not for the wind pushing me up- as if trying to say hurry up, stupid human like an irritable spirit- I would have collapsed long ago. I dragged myself up to the top ledge where I had been thrown off when I first met the guardian spirit Kazumi, struggling to push myself forward, and wound up clawing at the ground.
My poor fingertips were all bloody.
"I-Irene!?" I recognized that voice. I fell on the ground and rolled onto my back, wheezing and letting out a few coughs. I was so exhausted. "Oh, thank god! Miroku, Shippō, look!"
"Irene is back!"
"She passed the test!"
I could see the group dash over to me, Sango quickly kneeling by my side and helping me sit up. I began to tear up at the sight of her. Wasn't she mad at me? "Irene, you're burning up again! How badly did you stress yourself out!?" She asked, voice almost going into a sisterly scolding tone before relief crossed her face. "I'm so glad you're back…"
She surprised me by leaning down, wrapping her arms around me tightly.
"I should have paid more attention to your feelings. I'm so sorry."
"I-It's okay." I choked out, awkwardly hugging her with my arms so not to get blood on her armor. I'm such an idiot. They didn't hate me after all. "I-I'm fine. You're the one who was upset, so…"
"But so were you!" She pulled away, gripping my shoulders tightly with her hands. "All this time you've been festering hate and guilt inside of you- and for yourself no less! Ever since I've met you you've been apologizing left-and-right for things you had no control over! Irene, it's okay to be selfish! Not everything is your fault!"
I couldn't speak, too stunned by what was happening. This day was so dizzying. "I-I just… want to help." I finally got out, stuttering on my words. Her eyes were so intense; it felt like they were boring into my soul. "I-I can't do anything useful, so…"
"What do you mean by that?" Miroku demanded, stepping up. Kazumi was still nowhere in sight. "You've helped us countless times; we've told you before. Just who told you that you were useless? That made you believe you could guilt yourself for everything?"
"Uh…" That was tough one. "Several… people? My cousin and her mom…?" There were so many factors all setting back to the first fourteen years of my life. "My dad… My dad said if… I'm too emotional I won't be of any use to anyone, so…"
He often got on me for crying over television shows or books. Mine and Maria's father favored logic and intelligence over anything emotional, so he always lectured me whenever he saw me tearing up or bawling over a character death in a manga or anime. He didn't understand how he could have a child so different from him. The only thing he could relate with was that we shared similar illnesses.
"I'd get walked on and used…?"
I remember locking the door and crying in the bathroom after he said that. Whenever I was upset I would wait until dark when everyone was sleeping and hide in there, unleashing the emotions I kept pent up. Here in the Feudal Era it was lot more difficult trying not to cry, life-and-death being thrown at me from every corner. There was too much for me to deal with at once.
"I dunno, it just…"
I was always yelled at when I was little. No one wanted anything to do with me and my cousin was pretty messed up herself; she always caused trouble and mischief, and since Mom was never home she would get me in trouble by making it seem like I did it. Her mother would backhand me and shout, and if I ever tried to speak up I would just get smacked again. My older siblings were dealing with a lot of stuff growing up, losing several friends and family members to accidents or suicide, and for ten long years Maria hated my very existence.
But now my cousin and her mother was gone, me and my siblings were all close, and I could finally be myself.
Yet apparently myself was a bad thing due to my emotions. What did people want from me? I was honest the majority of the time and I always did what was ordered more often than not. I avoided arguments and confrontations- though in a world full of demons that was a little difficult- and I always apologized. Was that not enough?
"I just… don't want to make anyone mad…"
"That's it?" Shippō said, walking up and looking at me with big green eyes. "We could never be mad at you, Irene!"
You might not be able to, Shippō, but everyone else can. Inuyasha always was. Kagome seemed like she wanted to get mad sometimes, but I think she holds herself back out of worry for my health. She knows I upset easily.
"Your father sounds like a jerk!" He continued, frowning. "I don't like him."
"It's just… how he is. A-Anyway, can we not talk about this?" I was starting to grow very uncomfortable and did not want to recall my childhood anymore. "I-I, um, I need to… to grab a fruit. She said… Kazumi said…"
"Y-Yes, that's right. Kirara!" Sango called, the cat demon dashing over. Her red eyes glanced at me and the cat demon let out a happy roar, reaching down and nuzzling my face. I couldn't fight the smile that grew from the show of affection, my hands reaching up so I could run my knuckles lightly across her fur. I didn't want to get my bloody fingers on her pretty coat. "She was worried, too."
"I-I can tell. Aww…" I've really been stressing her out, haven't I? "I'm sorry, Kirara…"
I'm such a selfish human. I know she worries as well, but I still go and get myself hurt. It was such a jerk move I pulled in the lake back then. Struggling to stand, legs threatening to give out from all the exercise, I climbed onto the cat demon's back and let out a small sigh. It felt so nice to sit down. Sango stayed beside us as we started to move up the mountain again, heading further down the path. Shippō clung to Miroku's kimono as he walked behind us, and we only stopped when we saw a tree glimmering with an ethereal light.
It was such a small tree, barely reaching up to my elbows, and the fruit it bore were so tiny they could fit in the palm of my hands. They looked like the size of grapes and, upon closer inspection, greatly resembled the beads around Inuyasha's neck. The shape was nearly identical. Kirara knelt down as we moved closer so I could reach out a take a fruit. "It's so pretty…"
"It's as if the light is coming from the tree itself." Sango observed, staring at the Magatama Tree curiously. Miroku moved closer, watching the lights flicker in the air like fireflies. "I've never seen such a beautiful tree before."
"A mysterious power is emanating from it." Miroku commented. "I wonder… does this tree truly have the ability to break Naraku's barrier?"
"Only one way to find out." I said as I reached out from atop Kirara, hesitantly touching a fruit. "S-Sorry. I, uh, will try and use the fruit properly. Thank you!" Who was I apologizing to? I honestly wasn't sure. It felt like the tree itself was alive, bursting with life. I plucked off a tiny Magatama fruit and held it in my hand, staring down at it. Something so small… could it really be that powerful? "I can't believe I actually survived this…"
"Irene, I have to ask." Miroku turned, looking down at me. I tensed, suddenly very anxious upon hearing the tone of his voice. "Why didn't you inform us of your thoughts before? We are friends, aren't we?"
"I…" Did I have to answer that? I looked down at the fruit in my palm, scared that it might just disappear. "I didn't… I didn't want you guys to hate me."
"Hate you?" Sango repeated, stunned. "Irene, we could never hate you. It isn't as though you were the one who killed the villagers. Naraku was the one who..."
She couldn't finish. The thought and knowledge that it was her younger brother that acted out on the half-demon's orders left her cold. The demon slayer stepped forward, resting her hands gently on my shoulders. Her voice was soft when she spoke.
"It was Naraku who killed them. He was the one that sent them to the village. You are not the one at fault. You even tried to stop Kohaku from attacking them." She stepped forward, sliding her arms around my neck and pulling me into an embrace. "And for that… thank you. For trying to stop him. I'm so sorry."
"You need to put those stupid thoughts out of your head!" Shippō demanded, placing his hands on his hips. "Friends don't hate friends! Although Inuyasha can be an exception with how much of a stupid head he acts sometimes!"
"Yes." Miroku said, frowning at me. "Unless you suddenly turn evil and start working for Naraku," He smiled, "I doubt we could ever hate you."
Frick. I leaned into Sango's hug and bit my lip, trying really hard not to cry. "You guys… I never imagined I'd be on the receiving end of a friendship speech."
"Oh?" Sango pulled away, staring at me curiously. "Why's that?"
I grinned weakly. "Because normally I'm the one giving them."
After that we began to make our way down the mountain, Shippō transforming and carrying Miroku down while Sango sat on Kirara with me. We headed to the village and I napped on Hachi's transformed back, the demon slayer letting me use her lap for a pillow. I remember hearing everyone talk excitedly about how they would be able to take on Naraku now if this actually worked, and that the others were going to be quite surprised.
I fell asleep during that. When I awoke we were back at Kaede's village and Sango was shaking me awake. We found Kakuju by the Bone-Eater's Well, the old man muttering to himself about it gave off a strange, unnatural energy. He turned when he heard our footsteps. It was almost night. We had doubled back to the village as fast as Hachi would allow. "Oh? That was fast. Did you get the fruit?"
"Uh, y-yeah…" I stammered, stepping forward awkwardly and placing it into his palm. "Somehow."
"I thought she was gonna die." Shippō admitted. "The spirit just threw her off the mountain! We didn't know what to do. But then Irene came crawling back up! It was incredible."
Kakuju smiled at that. "You really are something, Irene… I told you that you were special. The spirit of the air allowed you to have a fruit from the tree. You should have believed in yourself all along."
"That's what I keep telling her!" Miroku exclaimed, shaking his head exasperatedly. "But she won't listen."
"Hey!" I looked at him indignantly. "At least I got it."
"It was a wonder why the spirit changed her mind." Sango said, bringing a hand to her chin. "She seemed so intent on not letting you get it."
"Whatever the reason," Kakuju said, "she saw into your heart and deemed you fit of a fruit. Now, come close to me; we must harness the spiritual energy from the Magatama fruit. Understand? Close your eyes- feel the energy. Reach deep inside yourself… and focus."
Knowing that it worked last time I did as I was told. Taking the hand that held the Magatama fruit, I slid my eyes shut and listened to the nature around us. The wind rustling through the trees, reaching deep into the well and creating a whistling noise. It was almost haunting, but somehow… it comforted me. The gusts of wind seemed to grow stronger the more I focused and I found myself laying on a field of grass, staring up at the blue sky above me.
It felt so familiar, but why was that? This overflowing blue sky was beautiful.
The eagle flying above me… beating its wings and unleashing a powerful wave of light… was even more gorgeous. Whenever the sky dared to darken it would flap its wings and the storm clouds would be pushed back, keeping the land at peace. Suddenly the creature's eyes met mine and I jumped, and when I awakened to the real world once more I saw a green flame fading from my hands. Kakuju was chuckling at my startled reaction, amused by my behavior.
"There…" He said, pulling his hand away. The Magatama fruit rested in my palm. "Do you think you understand it now? With this you should have the power to break the barrier…"
"If there's no barrier we can attack Naraku!" Shippō exclaimed, looking excited. "We'll actually stand a chance now!"
Kakuju's lips tilted downwards, the older man appearing quite worried. "For your foe to be so powerful… please, be careful. He is more dangerous than any spirit."
"We know this well." Miroku told him gravely. "But now… thanks to you and Irene… we have a fighting chance. All we must do now is wait for Inuyasha and Kagome's return."
"Y-Yeah…" I looked at Kakuju awkwardly for a moment, before stepping forward and wrapping my arms around his shoulders. The old man tensed, having not expected that, before slowly relaxing into the embrace and patting my back. I pulled away, stepping back and rubbing my left arm anxiously. "Th-Thank you… again."
"Anytime. I'm glad to help." He smiled.
"Oh, that's right!" Sango smacked her fist onto her free palm, realization dawning on her. "We need to grab some of Kagome's medicine! There should be enough left to tend to Irene's cuts."
"What?" I looked down at my hands and feet. They were… a little bloody and scraped up, but it wasn't too bad. I've had worse. "It's fine… I think."
"Absolutely not." Sango declared, marching over. She knelt down and I yelped when she suddenly hoisted me up, carrying me in her arms. "You climbed that mountain all by yourself! Your stitches probably opened again! I mean, they should be completely healed by now… but we never cut them out yet. Your chin's all scraped up too, poor thing."
"I-I'm not a child, you know." I felt like she was babying me. It was embarrassing being carried like this. "You don't have to carry me."
"Maybe not," She said as she started to march back to the village, Miroku and Shippō watching with astonished eyes, "but you're still very accident prone. Besides, you're exhausted! You passed out the second Hachi took off from Mount Huoh. You need some rest. I'll take care of your injuries, so don't work too hard. We don't have anything to do until the others return, after all."
"...Yes, mother…"
"M-Mother?" Sango said, eyes wide. "I-you know what? I'm not going to respond to that. The hut is this way."
I giggled a little at that and smiled at Sango, feeling very relieved and happy that she cared so much. "Thank you, Sango."
Still a bit flustered, it took a moment for her to smile back at me. "I'm just doing what a friend would do. No need to thank me. We're a team, remember?"
Yeah. We are.
…
The next morning Kagome showed up. She didn't bring any fresh clothes with her, but she did bring feminine products and- low and behold- food! She made bentos again and this time she brought chips of all kind, candy, ramen, and other junk food. I didn't really touch any of the really unhealthy stuff, not caring much for sweets or junk, and mostly just ate the bentos and the chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream Kagome gave me. My absolute favorite thing was the chicken she brought; she made several different kinds, all the types I had mentioned through my stay here. Mustardy fried, cheesy ranch, alfredo… god damn.
This girl was spoiling me to gain affection and she knew it. It was her master plan. And to be honest… it was working.
She was completely ecstatic to hear about our accomplishments from the earlier day and lamented on Inuyasha not being here, before pushing the thought of him out of her mind and showing us all that she brought for us to eat. Shippō had instantly went for the sweets, while Miroku and Sango dove for the chips and ramen. I aimed for the bentos, chewing and savoring the taste, all the while eating quickly and declaring my undying love for Kagome and her cooking.
"Oh, you~!" She waved a hand at me, pressing the other to her cheek, basking in the praise. "Such a flatterer! I'm blushing!"
"Is it flattering if it's true?" I asked, before taking a bite of some buttered noodles. "God freaking dang, girl… I'm in heaven."
"Ninja food is always so delicious!" Miroku said, slurping at some ramen. "It's incredible!"
Sango stuck some chocolate in her mouth, eyes closing as she let out a happy noise. "Mmmm. There's nothing that even competes with this flavor!"
Suddenly a voice could be heard shouting, a familiar silver-haired half-demon pushing the door aside. "Dry your tears everyone," Inuyasha exclaimed with a grin, "because I'm back!" He blinked, staring at the sight in surprise, before dashing over with greedy eyes and a big smile. "Where's mine!?"
Shippō looked up at him, frowning. "You weren't here, so I ate it."
"You what!?" He growled, glaring at the fox demon. The group felt more alive the instant he walked in and I found myself grinning at the sight, surprisingly happy to see Inuyasha. I watched as he knelt down and tried to yank Shippō's bowl of ramen from him. "Give 'em back, you little creep!"
"No way, it's mine!"
"Give it!"
"Inuyasha, stop it! My ninja food!"
"I want my part of it!"
Kagome took a deep breath and I flinched, already knowing what was coming. "Sit, boy!" Shippō quickly moved out of the way as Inuyasha face-planted hard into the floor. The middle schooler turned her head away, huffing. "Figures. Trust you to turn this into a brawl. You snooze, you lose!"
He pulled his face out of the ground and glared, almost offended. "Weren't you all worried!? I was gone for a whole day!"
"I guess I could share my soup with you…" Shippō said, narrowing his eyes at him. "Not that you deserve it."
"How charitable of you." Inuyasha grunted.
I reached out behind me and grabbed my bowl of instant ramen, holding it out to the half-demon as he begrudgingly sat up. He stared at me, ear twitching. "Want it? I don't really like ramen, so…"
He scrunched his nose up for a moment, staring at the band-aids wrapped around my fingers, before reaching out and taking the bowl from me. "...Thanks. I'm glad someone cares around here. Jeez."
"We care." Sango said, grinning at him. "We just knew you weren't in any trouble. In fact- we have some news for you."
The half-demon blinked, grabbing a pair of chopsticks. "What's that?" He brought the noodles up to his lips, not bothering to blow on them as he quickly and greedily devoured them. "Did thomethin' haffen whilf I wath away?"
"I have no idea what you said," Miroku commented, frowning, "but… Irene learned how to break Naraku's barrier while you were gone."
Inuyasha choked on his food. He whirled around, staring at me with big eyes. "Whaaaat!? You!?"
"Y… Yeah…"
"Damn it! I can't believe you beat me to it." He turned away, huffing. "Still… it's a good thing. We can get to Naraku if you're able to destroy his barrier."
"Wait," Kagome was surprised, "you mean there wasn't a way for tetsusaiga to break the barrier?"
"No." The half-demon scowled, grumpily eating his ramen. "All Totosai did was make me run a bath for him. And when I did manage to break a barrier for some kid and his tribe, it was just because the demon was weak. It was a waste of time."
"Then…" Sango began, trailing off uncertainly. She glanced at Miroku, the monk nodding at her.
"We need to make way to the castle once we've finished preparing."
And so we did.
Read and Review! Please? I appreciate the feedback. Did a little twist with the spirit. In the game you just battle it, but that's kinda overdone sooo~ here's this. Character growth. Opinions? Thoughts on the friendships? It's still gonna be a bit until the castle, but if you remember the anime episodes you should know who to expect next chapter. :D
