Adventuring Group: Mario, Luigi, Peach, Daisy, Yoshi, DK, Dixie, Goombella, Koops, Kooper, Bombette, Parakarry, Lakilester, Spike/Paper-Yoshi, Vivian, Bowser, Larry, Wario, Pauline, Mona, Jojora, Starlow, Luvbi, Kody

Hospital group: Toadette, Bleck/Blumiere, Tippi/Timpani, Toadsworth, Fly Guy, Toadessa, Toado, Dr. Nokano, Morton, Lemmy, Ludwig, Bowser Jr., E. Gadd, Clawdia, Katia, Kenneth, Toodles, Tadano

Mushroom Corps.: Arfur, Toadari (Arfur's boss)

Island group: Tatanga, Beldam, Roy, Doopliss, Dimentio, Mimi, Diddy, Fire Bro/Konnor

Moon: TEC

Blackstone Tower: Grodus

Fort Koopington: Rosalina, Monty Mole

TATANGA'S ISLAND

Tatanga banged on Dimentio's door. No response. He banged on it again. Still no response.

Tatanga huffed and pushed open his door then ran in. No sign of him anywhere in there.

"Damnit. Looks like this is gonna be a wild goose chase. He has to know I'm onto him," the alien whispered to himself in pure vengeance. He went back out into the hallway and dashed down the hall, until he unexpectedly ran into Konnor.

"OH! YOU! What are you doing up here!?" Tatanga asked confusedly.

"Hi hi! I was just gonna ask you if you need me to do anything since I'm bored out of my mind!" Konnor giddily replied.

Tatanga looked pissed off and crossed his arms. "Hmm. Didn't realize that serving me was so boring to you!"

Konnor immediately looked scared and backtracked. "OH! Uhh, no no no! Sorry, not what I meant! I mean, I wanna help you with anything you need! I wanna do more than just help build a weapon of nuclear, mass destruction! You inspire me, so I wanna do the most that I can to be of direct assistance."

Tatanga narrowed his eyes in further confusion. "I…inspire you? Really? Huh. Okay…well…you know what? This could actually be perfect timing. I'm looking for Dimentio. You know who he is and what he looks like, right? He's the ugly, smartass, clown-looking fellow. It's time for him to get what he deserves. When you find him…bring him to my room. This is dire."

Konnor excitedly nodded and put his hand to his forehead, saluting like a soldier. "Aye aye captain! Dimentio will get his comeuppance! I'll search high and low for him!" He then scurried off.

"What a weird guy. But, he seems loyal, so…I'll keep him around. For now," Tatanga whispered, then headed off in a different direction to see someone entirely different…


The sound of the door opening had awakened Roy. The koopa had nearly smiled when he saw some light filter into the dark and dank room, finally having the slightest relief from the pitch blackness.

"Who's there?" Roy softly spoke.

"Tatanga. Boy, Roy, you sure do look like shit. You must be starving…and thirsty…and soooo lonely!" Tatanga said with mockery.

"Oh shut up. Just fucking put me out of my misery, since you're obviously planning to kill me anyways!" Roy barked.

"You're an idiot. That's exactly why I want to keep you here, to end your days with nothing but misery. Me killing you right now would just defeat the purpose of torturing you ever so slowly," Tatanga retorted.

"So…you came all the way over here just to tell me that? I could've easily guessed that myself. It couldn't have been more obvious. Now who's the idiot!?" Roy turned it back around on the alien. Tatanga chuckled a little and walked closer to him.

"Damn. Even in your dying days, you still know how to be such a little, whiny bitch. The reason why I came down here was to let you know…things are gonna change VERY soon. I know Dimentio betrayed me. I know he lied about everything and I know he wants to take over. But I'm not letting him. I've got a plan in the works that'll completely blindside and destroy him. And you, my little other betrayer, get to witness the show unfold…then I'll kill you," Tatanga informed smugly. Roy rolled his eyes and sighed annoyedly.

"Okay? So fucking what? You really think I care if you kill Dimentio and I get to see it? God, you're just as self-absorbed as he is! And wanna know something else? Dimentio came in here a while ago saying almost the exact thing to me, about how he was gonna kill me and how he would fuck you over and make a whole, grand show about it. Hey, you know what? Here's a better idea that'll get the job done quicker: JUST FUCKING KILL EACH OTHER ALREADY! For crying out loud, you morons are just waiting for the inevitable to happen, all because you wanna put on a flashy show that no one's gonna care to see!" Roy angrily spat. Tatanga punched him in the jaw, knocking him to the floor.

"SHUT UP! I know exactly what I'm doing. Traitors like you and Dimentio deserve the worst kind of punishment possible. That's why I'm playing this out like I am right now. I want you bastards to SUFFER. What kind of supervillain would I be if I didn't do that? If I were to take the easy route and just annihilate everyone?" the alien yelled and talked down to him, now standing over Roy.

Roy spat out blood a few times and shot him a glare. "Augh…really. The worst kind of punishment possible is death. Who fucking cares HOW you torture someone if they're gonna die in the end, anyways!? If that's your end goal, THEN JUST FUCKING DO IT!"

"I am going to do it, you disgrace of a koopa. But, as I said…enjoy the show along the way, and the fact that it aggravates you so much adds even more pleasure into it!" Tatanga chuckled again in excitement.

"No. What aggravates me is you two dumbasses taking the roundabout way of killing each other, and me. Just do it already. The longer you wait, the more chances he has to turn this into his own game. You're too obsessed about making yourself look cool in front of everyone. It's pathetic and will only get you killed. And I should know all this because my dad was the same way. Cared more about putting on impressive displays instead of just getting right down to it. You're not a supervillain. You're a fucking wannabe. A loser!" Roy came down on him relentlessly, which angered Tatanga even further. He kicked Roy in the stomach, making him scream out and cough up more blood.

"Don't talk to me about what I should do with my plans. You're the last person to ever talk about that, considering your dad gets beaten constantly by some short man who does plumbing for a living," he spoke while seething then stomped off out of the room and slammed the door shut.


ST. TOADOFSKY'S HOSPITAL

"IS HE GONNA BE OKAY? IS HE GONNA BE OKAY OKAY? IS HE GONNA BE OKAY?" Dixie frantically asked while they got Merle to the ER.

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM? WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM? WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM?" Lakilester shrilled.

"We don't know! We don't know! We don't know! We'll have to run tests and figure it out! We'll have to run tests and figure it out! We'll have to run tests and figure it out!" said a toad nurse who took Merle in on a stretcher and ran into the ER wing with Dr. Nokano.

"Okay okay okay! We'll be patient! We'll be patient! We'll be patient!" Ludwig responded. Some of the gang began to notice something was off.

"Why is everyone repeating everything three times!? Why is everyone repeating everything three times!? Why is everyone repeating everything three times!?" Koops questioned perplexedly.

"Good question! Good question! Good question! Who knows? Who knows? Who knows?" Toadsworth replied.

"Okay, seriously, WHAT the hell is going on now? Does everyone else feel 'weird' too? It's hard to describe, but I just feel…I don't know, like going absolutely bonkers!" Mario pointed out and laughed a little.

"I know exactly what you mean, Mario. This is so strange! I wonder if it, like, has something to do with Merle's ritual!? I noticed I felt, like, super strange since the spell ended!" Goombella added.

"Yeah, that has to be it. But, you know what? This isn't actually bonkers. Let me show you what bonkers ACTUALLY is!" Daisy yelled, then walked over to Pauline, grabbed her head and forced a kiss on the lips. Everyone shrieked and dropped their jaws.

"WHAT THE FUCK!? Why didn't you do that to me!? Man, I'm gonna die a kissless virgin at this point!" Morton angrily grumbled.

"Yeeeaaahhh that's probably something you shouldn't say out loud, you know…" Kooper commented, then snickered at Morton's misery.

"Ummm…uhhh…okay, you all saw that, right!? I did not consent to that! She did it! She's the perpetrator!" Pauline shrieked in horror.

"What in the actual hell!? I never knew Daisy swung both ways. I mean, it's her personal business and all, but damn lady!" Bowser commented with a nervous laughter.

"Ohhhh, I saw that alright! I saw that VERY well!" Wario snickered creepily.

"Damnit, Pauline! First you steal Mario, and now you're stealing Daisy! This can only mean one thing…SHE'S BEEN AN UNDERCOVER WITCH THIS ENTIRE TIME! BURN HER AT THE CROSS!" Luigi exclaimed and pointed at her menacingly.

Awkward silence ensued after that, with Luigi still pointing at her, hoping that someone follows his lead.

"She's not being burned, I was just trying to prove a point, obviously! And since that kiss was so good…I'M GONNA DO IT AGAIN!" Daisy demanded and kissed Pauline again.

"OH MY GOD, STOP! First of all, I don't swing that way! Secondly, ever heard of chapstick!? Thirdly, I didn't consent to this! And fourthly…uhh…okay, nevermind, there's actually no fourth thing, but still, stay back from me!" Pauline shrieked in horror.

"Yeah, Luigi, you're about 500 years behind, buddy. Witch burnings stopped in 1664. I should know this because I was a History major in university but then switched to Accounting, and then dropped out after getting married, being a trophy wife, and a stay-at-home mom," Toodles subtly bragged.

"That was actually 1661…but I digress! Just what the hell is going on here!? Why are you all acting so ODD!? This must be the doing of magic!" Goombella cried.

"It has to be magic because Daisy's now obsessed with Pauline! MAN! You know what, Daisy!? If you love Pauline so much, then why don't you marry her!?" Luigi childishly screamed and stomped.

"FINE, I WILL!" Daisy screamed back then turned around and got on one knee, facing Pauline. "Pauline, my gorgeous goddess, will you take my ring that I have yet to buy and marry me!?"

"Awww, this is so romantic! I wish I could take a picture and savor this memory!" Peach cheered and teared up.

"DAISY, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, STOP! THIS IS ALL INSANE! WE NEED TO FIX THIS!" Pauline screamed in tragedy.

"I COULDN'T AGREE MORE! We can fix this by also showing a guy-on-guy kiss! Because, ya know, EQUALITY AND PROGRESSIVENESS!" Fly Guy hollered and then grabbed Parakarry and kissed him.

"OH MY GOD, WHAT THE HELL, FLY GUY!? And that wasn't even a regular kiss, that was a french kiss! GROSS!" Parakarry yelped while pushing him away.

"What can I say? I'm a supremely affectionate being!" Fly Guy snickered.

"How can you even kiss someone through that mask? What kind of faces do the Shy Guy species even have!?" Jojora yelled in disgust.

"You don't wanna know. I may be crazy, but I'm also sane enough to spare you the horrors that lie underneath our masks. Or…OR AM I!?" Fly Guy horrifically cackled, prompting booming thunder and lightning noises to ensue out of nowhere.

"Have you all forgotten that I also have magical powers and can likely fix this!? I just need to visit Merle and see if I can get a reading on what's specifically happening, then I can take it from there," Bleck pointed out.

"Yeah, I was starting to wonder how long it was gonna take everyone to remember that. We're gonna have to find Merle's room and try to piece this puzzle together!" Tippi ordered.

"Alright! I have an idea. Half of us will go find Merle's room, while the other half checks out the rest of the hospital to see if everything else has gone bonkers. Understood? Good! BREAK!" Mario instructed and everyone suddenly ran into each other, knocking themselves down to the floor.

"OWWW! REALLY GUYS!? IT WASN'T THAT HARD TO JUST GO AROUND EACH OTHER!" Larry yelled, holding his forehead in pain.

"Oooh…oh! Fly Guy, your mask fell!" Lemmy said and picked it up to give it back to him, but then him and the others screamed in terror when they saw the face that was underneath the mask.

"HOLY MOTHER OF GOOD GRAVY! THAT IS WHAT'S UNDERNEATH ALL THE SHY GUYS' MASKS!?" Bombette screamed.

"OH MY GOD, I'M BLIIIIIIND! I'M BLIND AT THE UGLINESS! NO, SERIOUSLY, I AM LITERALLY FUCKING BLIND FROM THAT SHIT! I CAN'T SEE A DAMN THING! EVERYTHING'S GONE DARK!" Lakilester shrilled.

Fly Guy sighed and put his mask back on. "Bunch of drama queens. Underneath my mask is literally another mask…well…a mask that hasn't been washed in at least 8 years."

"That's exactly why we're so disgusted! It's so cracked and dirty and peeling and…OH MY GOD, THERE'S A DAMN LEECH CRAWLING ON THERE TOO!" Luvbi shrieked and pointed to the gigantic leech staying put on the mask.

"Oh yeah, that's my friend, Leepifer the Leech! Say hello to my annoying acquaintances, Leepifer!" Fly Guy cheerily spoke.


Bleck, Tippi, Toadsworth, Toodles, Luigi, Daisy, Pauline, Vivian, Jojora, Starlow, Luvbi, DK, Lakilester, and Spike went into the ER wing to go find Merle.

"Excuse me, nurse? Where is Merle the magical wizard of wonderment located at?" Starlow politely asked.

"Oh, that old guy? You just missed him!" said the toad nurse.

"Uhh, what do you mean we just missed him? Is this supposed to be a riddle!?" DK yelped.

"No no. Missed him as in…he's dead! Died about 30 seconds ago!" she clarified. The others gasped in immense shock.

"WHAT? HOW COULD HE HAVE DIED!? WHAT DID HE EVEN DIE FROM!? NO NO NO, THAT CAN'T BE RIGHT!" Luigi cried.

"FUUUUUCK! NOW WHO THE HELL IS GONNA UN-BLIND ME!? SERIOUSLY, HOW IN THE FUCK DID I GET BLIND FROM THAT!?" Lakilester wailed, hanging on to the walls.

"Excuse me, no swearing around the children! It's very inappropriate!" demanded the nurse.

"My magical senses of wonderment are telling me that there are no children present in the ER…and that Merle IS still alive! SO YOU ARE LYING, YOU LIAR! YOU LIE!" Bleck shouted, accusing the nurse.

"I knew something was up! What the hell are you trying to hide here!?" Pauline yelled and got in her face.

"Crap! You've discovered my true intentions! Okay okay, Merle is still alive and he's just down the hall!" she admitted.

"Thank you, but shame on you for delaying us and messing with our heads! How dare you!?" Tippi scolded.

"I delayed you because…IT'S A TRAP!" the nurse revealed and pointed down the hall. The others whipped their heads to look down the hall and the lights went out.

"WOAH! What the hell is going on here!? Why did the lights go out!? Just let us see the damn psychic wizard already!" Jojora yelled.

"You made it pitch black because you're working against us! YOU WITCH!" Luigi growled and proceeded to throw a punch.

"OW! LUIGI, THAT WAS ME YOU JUST HIT!" Spike screamed.

"Golly gee, is it really pitch black!? Because, ya know, I couldn't tell…DUE TO THE FACT THAT I'M ALREADY FUCKING BLIIIIND!" Lakilester announced.

"Good luck finding the wizard now, you scoundrels! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!" cackled the toad nurse.

"Scoundrels? Do people still use that word?" Luvbi questioned.

"It's like you forgot that I have my magics of wonderment. How pathetic! LET THERE BE LIGHT!" Bleck shouted and clapped his hands. The light shone again…but they were in a different location this time. Everyone was in a purple void, and each one was on a floating panel with a number on it…including the toad nurse…and a familiar animal that a few of them had encountered a while ago.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!? WHERE ARE WE!? WHY AM I NUMBER 2 AND TOODLES IS NUMBER 1!?" Pauline screamed in horror.

"Because I'm number one, obviously. That's what happens when you're a part of the upper class!" Toodles answered with an annoying snicker.

"Wow. That wasn't conceited at all…not even in a subtle way," DK commented, who was on number 3.

"Welcome to the test! If you wanna see Merle and figure this mess out, you'll have to beat us at this game called PANEL PANIC that I definitely didn't rip-off from Mario Party 4! The rules of this game are as follows: A dice block will appear over your head. Hit the dice block and a number will pop out. The number that each person hits will correspond to a panel number that an individual is on. That individual whose panel number has been chosen will then be out and the game will continue until one person is left! Try to beat me and my pet bull, Bulloney!" instructed the toad nurse. Luigi, Daisy, and DK nearly collapsed when they saw the bull.

"Are you serious!? That's the same raging, dumb bull we fought before we entered my mansion! You own him as a pet!?" Luigi cried. The bull shot daggers at him.

"YES, I AM THE SAME BULL YOU ALL FOUGHT YOU GREEN PIECE OF SHIT! CONSIDER THIS AS TAKING MY REVENGE ON YOU!" Bulloney screamed.

"Oh geez. Here we go again with this crap. At least we don't have to physically fight him this time around!" Daisy groaned.

"Wait a second here. You named your pet bull…Bulloney? That's…you're being serious right now, aren't you?" Luvbi questioned, then started to laugh, making the others laugh as well.

"Stop laughing! It's a unique name for a VERY unique bull! You're all just jealous because you don't have anything like him as a pet!" yelled the toad nurse.

"Well, that's implying that we would WANT anything of that atrocious caliber as a pet!" Toodles spat while snickering.

"Yeah, and I don't think 'unique' is the right word to describe your precious Bulloney either!" Toadsworth added while cracking up.

"GRRRRRRR! THAT'S IT, WE ARE STARTING THIS GAME RIGHT NOW YOU BUNCH OF LOUSY, GOOD-FOR-NOTHING BITCHES!" Bulloney roared.

"Wait! What happens if our number gets chosen? I mean, I know you said we lose but…um…there's a void of nothingness below us. Do we…die if we lose!?" Vivian nervously asked.

"Hehehe. HAHAHA! HOHOHO! HEEHEEHEE! I won't tell! I wanna keep you jerks in limbo! YOU'LL NEVER KNOW!" cackled the nurse. The others got scared now.

"Well, shit! We may be screwed then if we lose! THIS IS UNFAIR!" Lakilester protested.

"I don't understand something here! There's only two of you and 14 of us, and this is a game of pure chance! You really wanna bet your odds of winning against us!? That's just asking for a death wish!" Starlow pointed out.

"I'm aware of the stakes at hand! I just wanna play my favorite game ever, okay!? IS THAT SO WRONG!?" cried the nurse.

"Yes, it is wrong, because I don't understand how Panel Panic is your favorite mini-game when you have HEXAGON HEAT from Mario Party 2 which is miles better!" Jojora criticized.

"Aaaaaand great, my magic isn't working to get us out of here either. I guess we MUST play after all…" Bleck grumbled.

"This is the most annoying and unnecessary thing we've ever had to do. And so childish. At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if the toad nurse was some evil Duplighost kid in disguise," Tippi snarled.

"LET'S BEGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!" Bulloney roared.


Mario, Peach, Yoshi, Dixie, Goombella, Koops, Kooper, Bombette, Parakarry, Bowser, Larry, Ludwig, Morton, Lemmy, Wario, Mona, Bowser Jr., Toadette, Fly Guy, and E. Gadd ran over to the lobby to see if anything else had gone bonkers.

"This is St. Toadofsky's Hospital. This is the Mushroom Kingdom's biggest hospital and has over 300 employees. You can come here for any kind of medical-related, and even psychiatric, issue and you'll be totally treated with the utmost care and accommodations. Not only that, but, like, if you have no insurance, then no need to worry! Healthcare in the Mushroom Kingdom is extremely cheap. Everyone is taken care of, but you still need to try your best to pay your dues. That's the way a balanced, democratic society should be!" Goombella explained for no apparent reason.

"Uhh…thanks for that explanation that nobody had asked for?" Morton commented.

"Yeah, who the hell hit the Tattle button on you all of a sudden?" Bombette asked.

"I did that because I wanted to be sure this was still St. Toadofsky's Hospital we're in and that everything is the same. So far, it looks and feels like it is!" Goombella explained.

"Um. Okay. I don't get any of that at all…but okay!" Peach politely responded with a nervous giggle.

Mona ran up to one of the receptionists and asked her, "Hey there! Hi. Have you seen anything bizarre happen here in the past hour or so?"

"Um, bizarre how exactly?" responded the koopa lady.

"Bizarre as in…err…people kissing each other? Perhaps throwing a bunch of random shit across the room? Or people just acting, ya know, completely fucking bonkers out of nowhere!" Wario tried to help clarify the situation, but the koopa lady still looked confused.

"Umm…noooo…well, actually, I heard something weird happened in the cafeteria just a few minutes ago, but I don't know if it's because of Bonkers or people wanting to have sex with him!" she responded. Now, the heroes were just as confused by this odd response.

"Uhh, WHAT!? That sentence made no sense! Okay, this shit is proof enough that the whole hospital is infected, because now people or acting crazy or stupid…OR BOTH!" Bowser spat. The koopa lady looked offended at this.

"HEY! I AM NOT CRAZY NOR STUPID! YOU WANNA KNOW SOMETHING ACTUALLY STUPIDLY CRAZY!? CALLING THE DEPARTMENT OF REDUNDANCY DEPARTMENT FOR HELP ON DESCRIBING A SITUATION TO COMPLETE AIRHEADS THAT I ALREADY ANSWERED TO!" she screamed, hurting everyone else's ears.

"OW! Damn, lady, screech just a bit louder and you'll end up breaking the windows!" Yoshi yelped.

"Well you don't gotta be so rude about it, you dumb bitch! See what you do, dad!? This is why I don't like going to public places with you!" Ludwig criticized.

The koopa lady dialed a number on the phone, still looking aggravated.

"Department of Redundancy Department speaking, how can I help you? How can I help you?"

"HI! YES! HELLO! BONJOUR! CAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME EXPLAIN THE BONKERS SITUATION TO THESE AIRHEADS BECAUSE I HAVE OTHER PEOPLE TO HELP AND I DON'T HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO EXPLAIN THE BONKERS SITUATION TO THESE AIRHEADS!" the koopa lady redundantly screamed into the phone.

"Well geez! Aren't YOU just a ray of sunshine!?" Toadette pouted.

"GO TO SLEEP!" E. Gadd suddenly yelled. From his glasses shot a yellow ray, which hit the koopa lady and knocked her out.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT, E. GADD!? YOUR GLASSES COULD DO THAT THIS WHOLE TIME!?" Kooper shrieked and was startled.

"Yeah, I'm surprised you didn't mention that to us! And, uhh, did you…you know…kill her?" Bowser Jr. nervously asked.

"Of course my glasses could do that! I come jam-packed with all kinds of goodies! And no need to worry about her, she's just temporarily unconscious," E. Gadd cheered.

"Wait a second here, I just totally realized something. That lady used the word 'Bonkers' as a noun…and she also referred to Bonkers as a 'him'! So there's, like, an actual guy named Bonkers here? Is that what she was trying to tell us?" Goombella questioned.

"Eh? What the hell are you even talking about? That lady was just talking bonkers, that's it! You're looking too deep into it!" Morton scolded.

"Oh my god! OH MY GOD! SHE'S RIGHT! I know a guy named Bonkers…he's a bobcat that likes to cause mischief, for example, FRAMING ME FOR STEALING ALL THE GUMBALLS FROM THE SHROOM GROCERY STORE! It could be him that's here!" Fly Guy squealed.

"Of course you'd know some random dude named 'Bonkers' who is probably just as crazy as you. But the question is…is he Fire Bro-type-of crazy?" Lemmy asked.

"AH! STOP IT!" yelled a woman's voice from the cafeteria.

"SHIT! TO THE CAFETERIA!" Mario commanded and led the way over there. The group darted to the cafeteria doors, but Bowser ended up slipping and collided into the others like a bowling ball knocking over a bunch of pins.

"NICE! That's 19 points for you!" yelled some boy noki.

"OW! DAMNIT, BOWSER! Why must you be so big!?" Bombette cried.

"And with spikes so sharp!" Dixie added, gripping her arm from being scraped by one of his spikes.

"And a tail so scaly and…grabbable!" Mario flirtatiously spoke. Everyone looked to him in surprise. Mario blinked and looked disgusted then said, "I…oh my god. I'm so sorry. I don't know why I said that. This is beyond bonkers at this point!"

"Yeah, no kidding! Now let's hurry and get this figured out before people start writing MarioxBowser fics! YUCK!" Wario said while cringing.

"Why oh why did you have to put that imagery in our heads!? And I think they've already made plenty of those pairing fics…" Parakarry remarked while equally cringing.

"OH FFFFFFFF, JUST SHUT UP ALL OF YOU! I AM SECONDS AWAY FROM PUKING ALL OVER EVERYONE HERE!" Bowser demanded as he got up and stormed into the cafeteria. The gang gasped when they saw a tall, orange anthropomorphic bobcat wearing a security uniform doing a headspin on one of the lunch tables.

"What the hell? Is…is that your Bonkers, Fly Guy?" Mona asked.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! IT'S HIM! WHAT IN GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY HOOGLY BOOGLY IS HE DOING HERE!?" Fly Guy raged and flew over to him.

"Someone, please put a stop to that annoying bobcat! He keeps dancing all over the tables and kicking everyone's foods and drinks away! He also keeps singing dumb pop songs and it's hurting my ears, not because of how loud he is, but because his voice is TERRIBLE! There's also music that's coming out of nowhere and it's scaring the holy goodness out of me!" demanded a toad woman.

"Okay, first of all…there's like a hundred of you guys in here. You guys didn't think you could just mob him and beat the shit out of him?" Ludwig pointed out.

"None of us are taking any chances of getting hurt after everything we've been through. Could you blame us?" Kenneth spoke up as he walked to the group with Katia and Clawdia.

"Oh, for fuck's sake, its this bitch again! Just what we needed right now!" Bowser angrily grumbled. Kenneth leered his eyes at him as his face turned red.

"Can you guys tell us what's going on here!? Why is the bobcat acting so deranged, and why do I feel like I wanna dance but also trash the whole place?" Katia questioned.

"This has to be the work of some magic, right? I mean, I feel it too! I can see this going bad very easily!" Clawdia said in worry.

"It is the work of magic! Some of our friends are checking on our psychic wizard warlock magician circus performer miracle worker friend, Merle, to see how we can reverse this magic!" Peach informed.

"And we came up here to see if anything has gone awry…and it sure as hell has from the looks of it!" Dixie said, pointing to Bonkers the Bobcat and Fly Guy now facing each other on the table.

"WELL WELL, FUCKING WELL! If it isn't batshit Bonkers the Bobcat! What kind of trouble are you stirring up this time!?" Fly Guy angrily announced. Bonkers hopped onto his feet and glared down Fly Guy while smiling and snickering.

"Ah, my arch-nemesis, Fly Guy! It's been some months since our last encounter, where I evaded jail and you got 3 months for my lovely misdeeds! I would ask you how things are…but judging from the vibe from just being here…YOU ALL ARE DEPRESSED AS HELL!" Bonkers cackled, pointing at everyone.

"No shit we are! We've been attacked and so many people have been killed, and now you're here to make things worse! NOW BEAT IT OR ELSE YOU'LL BE THE NEXT ONE TO DIE!" Fly Guy threatened.

"NEVERRRRRRR! And if you wanna know what chaos I've done since I've been here…you might wanna take a look at the mental ward! I let out someone that probably shouldn't be out in public, JUST LIKE ME! TEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEEEEEEEEEEE!" he revealed. Gasps of horror were heard amongst the crowd.

"WHAT!? DID YOU LET OUT TADANO!? THE PURPLE ALIEN GUY!?" Toadette screamed.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA! YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND OUT FOR YOURSELVES, SHORTY! I AIN'T TELLING YOU A THING! MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS, BITCHES!" Bonkers cackled once more and danced around.

"SERIOUSLY NOW!? GRAAAAHHHHH! We're gonna have to go up there and see then!" Morton roared.

"And it's not Christmas! That's the last thing I wanna think about right now because I hate doing Christmas shopping!" Peach scowled.

"You guys go and check it out! I'll take care of this pest from the west!" Fly Guy ordered.

"You heard him, let's go! We gotta be quick!" Mario stated then began to run off towards the stairwell.

"You guys go on ahead, I'll stay back in case Fly Guy needs help!" Dixie said.

"I'm staying back as well, I wanna get a read on this freak of the week!" Goombella added.

"I'm also staying back…to grab some popcorn and watch this shitshow unfold," Kenneth commented with a snicker.

"You know, you're really not helping this situation," Clawdia sneered at him.

"Alright, good luck! Try not to die!" Lemmy said then they all ran to the stairwell.

"So, we're gonna duke it out right here, right now? Is this how it's gonna go!?" Bonkers excitedly asked.

"If it gets you out of here and sent back to the loony bin, then hell yes! Or better yet…BACK TO THE SEWERS WHERE YOU LIVED A WHILE BACK!" Fly Guy yelled.

"HAHAHA, you smartass! When I was living in the sewers, I sure as hell didn't hear YOU complain about my living situation when we had our fun in those days!" Bonkers flirtatiously giggled. Some gasps and murmurs of disgust were then heard.

"Eww, what? You were involved with this guy? Raise your standards, dude!" Katia said.

"NO, NOT LIKE THAT! We just did a bunch of drugs and…AAGGGGHHH! ENOUGH OF THIS TALK! BYE BYE LOSER!" Fly Guy roared then zoomed towards the bobcat in an attempt to headbutt him, but Bonkers swiftly dodged him and jumped to another table as music from a 2012 pop song began playing.

"Baby, if we're gonna dance, might as well add some music to make it spicier!" Bonkers hollered.

"You can take your mainstream music and shove it up your furry hole! Along with a screwdriver! AND I'M NOT YOUR BABY, YOU FERAL FLEABAG!" Fly Guy spat.

"Uhhhh…where is…OH, FOUND HIM!" Goombella shouted as she looked through her tattle book and found Bonkers. "This is Bonkers D. Bobcat. He is…uhh…what!? He's not a part of the Mario series, rather, like, he's from Planet Earth and, like, starred in a Disney cartoon quite literally titled 'Bonkers' from the 90s. What in the world is he doing all the way over here and how the hell did Fly Guy meet him!? I don't know how we keep running into the most bizarre scenarios and characters! Anyways…

Max HP is 17.5, Attack is 3.4 and Defense is 1.7. Wow. Those are…oddly specific numbers…especially since no other enemies in the tattle book have stats with decimal points. Seriously, like, I give up trying to make sense of anything at this point. Just kill the bastard, Fly Guy!"

"Seriously, that magic that Merle used must've had some WILD side effects, because this is just ridiculous!" Dixie exclaimed.

"Wild is an understatement there…because I also feel like dancing and doing choreography! AAHHHHHH! THIS IS TORTUROUS!" Goombella screamed with horror.

Bonkers began to sing Toadaylor Swift's "I Knew You Were Trouble" song, "Once upon a time, a few mistakes ago, I was in your sights, you got me alone. You found me! You found me! You found me-e-e-e-e! I guess you didn't care, and I guess I liked that, and when I fell hard, you took a step back. Without me! Without me! Without me-e-e-e-e!" The bobcat lunged at Fly Guy and kicked him into a garbage bin.

"OWWW! YOU BITCH! And what are you trying to say with this song, huh!? Trying to paint me as the villain!" Fly Guy cried and flew out from the can with a banana peel and old yogurt on him. He zoomed towards Bonkers and kicked him in the forehead.

"Ouchiiiieeeeeeessss! But…agh…no, sweetie…WE'RE BOTH THE VILLAINS HERE! And he's looooong gone, when he's neeeeext to me, and I realize…the blame is on me. 'Cause I knew you were trouble when I walked in, so shame on me no-ow! Flew me to places I'd never been, 'till you put me down, oh!"

"I can't just stand around like this, I have to help!" Dixie stated then leaped on to the table and rammed into Bonkers. The bobcat managed to kick her off of him while also throwing a milk carton at Fly Guy, getting the liquid into his eyes.

"AAAHHHH! EWWWW, CAFETERIA MILK! IT SMEEEEEEELLS!" Fly Guy shrieked then sang, "I knew you were trouble when I walked in, so shame on me no-ow! Flew me to places I'd never been…NOW I'M LYING ON THE COLD HARD GROUND!"

Fly Guy zoomed back to Bonkers as the dubstep beat hit and everyone danced to the rhythm, encircling the table Bonkers was on, and started singing, "OH! OH-OH! TROUBLE TROUBLE TROUBLE! OH! OH-OH! TROUBLE TROUBLE TROUBLE!"

"How am I even dancing right now!? I'm not even in control of my own body!" Goombella cried as she headbanged like crazy during the dubstep breakdown and spun around the tables.

"I don't know, but I'm finding this kind of fun!" Katia cheered.

"I hate musicals! Anything to make this place even more of a nuisance to be in, I guess!" Kenneth grumbled.

Fly Guy and Bonkers tussled on the table, both of them punching and gnawing on each other.

"Don't act like you don't like this! We both like doing the same kind of craziness!" Bonkers cackled as he was under Fly Guy, now clawing at his shirt.

"Geeeeee let's see here! You like living with the sewer creatures. I like living with furries and cosplayers. You like doing cocaine. I like doing shrooms. You like crashing cars into funeral homes. I like crashing dumpster trucks into billionaire's mansions. WE ARE NOT THE SAAAAAAAME!" Fly guy brought out the examples to the table and headbutted Bonkers, then continued to sing, "No apologies, he'll never see you cry. Pretends he doesn't know that he's the reason why, you're drowning, you're drowning, you're drowni-i-i-ing. And I heard you moved on from whispers on the street. A new notch in your belt is all I'll ever be! And now I see, now I see, now I see-e-e-e!"

"A notch in your belt? Okay, what's REALLY going on here, you guys?" Clawdia questioned.

"Teeheeheeheeeeeeeeee! Wouldn't you like to know all the JUICY details!?" Bonkers snickered greatly then smacked Fly Guy with a bowl of spaghetti. He then backflipped onto a different table and got out a gun.

"Oh no, he's got a gun! Guess we're all gonna be shot down again…" Kenneth sighed in defeat.

"What does a 'notch in your belt' mean? Why were you asking that, mon?" Katia asked. Clawdia looked embarrassed.

"Oh! Um, it means…err…shoot…well…"

"It means another person he's gotten intimate with. There you go. Simple as that. Doesn't need to be R rated to explain," Dixie answered obnoxiously.

"GRRRRRRR! WE HAVE NOT DONE ANYTHING LIKE THAT! YES, I'M AWARE I SUNG THOSE LYRICS SPECIFICALLY, BUT…MAN, CAN YOU JUST DISAPPEAR BACK TO YOUR PLANET ALREADY!?" Fly Guy roared, then continued singing "He was looooong gone when he meeeet me, and I realize…the joke is on me, HEY!"

"Neverrrrrrrrrrrrr! Taste my laser, bitch!" Bonkers hollered and pulled the trigger, shooting out rays that Fly Guy easily dodged Matrix-style while everyone danced and spun around the two again and sang.

"I knew you were trouble when you walked in, so shame on me no-ow! Flew me to places I'd never been, 'till you put me down, oh! I knew you were trouble when you walked in, so shame on me no-ow! Flew me to places I'd never been, now I'm lying on the cold hard ground! OH! OH-OH! TROUBLE TROUBLE TROUBLE! OH! OH-OH! TROUBLE TROUBLE TROUBLE!"

"You suck at aiming! You suck at everything, actually! Just give it up already because you ain't gonna win this!" Fly Guy yelled.

"Really? If I suck at everything then why did I get away with stealing those gumballs!? Who's the one that got sent to jail for 3 months!? HAHAHAHA! Tell me, was it better than being stuck in the asylum!?" Bonkers cheerily remarked.

Fly Guy fumed at that point and sang, "And the saddest fear…comes creeping in…that you never loved me…or her! Or anyone! OR ANYTHING! YEAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

Fly Guy lunged at Bonkers and the two repeatedly rolled over the lunch table, with the bobcat dropping his raygun as the two smacked, clawed and bit each other while everyone else sang the final chorus and danced around them.

"I knew you were trouble when you walked in, so shame on me no-ow! Flew me to places I'd never been, 'till you put me down, oh! I knew you were trouble when you walked in, so shame on me no-ow! Flew me to places I'd never been, now I'm lying on the cold hard ground! OH! OH-OH! TROUBLE TROUBLE TROUBLE! OH! OH-OH! TROUBLE TROUBLE TROUBLE!"

"I knew you were trouble when you walked in!" Fly Guy sang as he ripped off some fur from Bonkers, provoking a high-pitched scream.

"TROUBLE TROUBLE TROUBLE!" Dixie shouted.

"I knew you were trouble when you walked in!" Bonkers sang as he stabbed Fly Guy's arm with a fork, prompting a loud wail.

"TROUBLE TROUBLE TROUBLE!" Goombella shouted, then the music stopped.

Fly Guy ended it all by bashing the back of Bonkers' head into the table and stepping on his neck.

"Any last words, pest of the west!?" Fly Guy spoke.

"Errrrgghhh…I…I didn't actually let the alien out…but someone else did!" Bonkers revealed. The crowd gasped. Orchestral music blared in surprise. The world stopped turning. Planet Neptune exploded. Polar bears went extinct. The walls oozed green slime…oh wait a second, they always do that.

"What the hell!? Well…if you didn't let him out, then who did!?" Goombella shrieked.


Bleck, Tippi, Toadsworth, Toodles, Luigi, Daisy, Pauline, Vivian, Jojora, Starlow, Luvbi, DK, Lakilester, and Spike all prepared to start Panel Panic against Bulloney the raging bull and the toad nurse. Toodles was on panel 1, Pauline on panel 2, DK on panel 3, Bleck on panel 4, Tippi on panel 5, Toadsworth on panel 6, Luigi on panel 7, Daisy on Panel 8, Vivian on panel 9, Jojora on panel 10, Starlow on panel 11, Luvbi on panel 12, Lakilester on panel 13, Spike on panel 14, Bulloney on panel 15, and the toad nurse on panel 16.

Dice blocks appeared over everyone's heads and nerves ran high.

"Hehe! Ready to start this game? READY TO LOSE?" taunted the toad nurse.

"Oh, we're ready to start…but we're not ready to lose! We're ready to win! RIGHT GUYS?" DK yelled in encouragement.

"Um…DK? I'm so sorry to tell you this, but…I hit the dice block and…I got your number…" Starlow shamefully revealed. The ape dropped his jaw.

"WHAT!? NO! NO! OH NO! OH GOD! OH NO! OH GOD! OH NO! NO OH! HO ON! HO OH! HO-OH! DOG NO! ON GOD! HEAD ON! APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD!" DK screamed in a massive panic.

"Uhh, DK, what the fuck are you screaming exactly? And come on, there's no way in hell you're dying!" Lakilester said while hitting the dice block, which also got a 3. Everyone got a 3, except for DK who hit a 10.

"What the hell!? Okay, this has to be rigged! We all got 3 except for DK!" Pauline yelled.

"Orrrrrr you could call it purely random chance? Don't be such a sore loser!" cackled the toad nurse.

"HAHAHA! YOU TWO DUMBASSES LOOOOOOOSE! SEE YOU NEVER!" Bulloney yelled.

"Well this just sucks! You guys better win otherwise my soul will haunt you all from the afterlife!" Jojora threatened. The panels underneath her and DK crumbled apart and the two fell into the void of nothingness.

"Wait, if we all lose and die, then how can she haunt us from the afterlife if we're gonna be WITH her in the afterlife? Sounds like she didn't plan that one out very effectively!" Toodles questioned.

"Jojora has magic powers, which makes her a witch, which means she can do anything she wants to us, afterlife or not!" Luigi pointed out.

"What the hell is up with you and accusing everyone of being witches now? Let it go already!" Spike spat.

"Round 2! Let's do this!" squealed the toad nurse and dice blocks appeared over everyone again. Everyone hit their respective blocks and the numbers 6, 8, and 12 were hit.

"BLIMEY! This is a complete calamity and simply inequitable! How are only three numbers being hit out of the 14 of us!?" Toadsworth cried.

"Further proof that this crap is rigged…" Bleck commented.

"Wait, was my number chosen!? Someone tell me now! Because did I mention that I was blind!?" Lakilester shrieked.

"You're safe, dude. Chill out," Spike answered.

"My goodness, you all are such whiners! You probably did poorly at Mario Party when you were younger and now you're re-living the trauma! Get therapy! Seek help! Grow a pair! Bite your index finger! Stick out your tongue! Roll your shoulders and shake your bum!" the toad nurse hollered.

"That's a biiiiiig stretch you're making right there! And whatever, win this for us, you guys! Can't believe that my potential death is due to me losing some dumb, luck-based game! So insulting!" Luvbi pouted.

"Pauline, my love, please don't forget me as I vanish into the ethereal!" Daisy pleaded romantically.

"OH JUST STOP, DAISY! GOODBYE ALREADY!" Pauline screamed, and the aforementioned three fell into the void of nothingness.

"SEE YA, WOULDN'T WANT TO BE YA LOSERS! HAHAHA! YOU'RE ALL SO STRESSED OUT AND CLOSE TO CRYING!" Bulloney laughed and taunted.

"You know, you're REALLY insecure. Perhaps you should be the one to seek therapy? I mean, screaming and insulting people like that definitely isn't a sign of a mentally stable person…" Vivian observed.

"SHUT UP! I'M FULLY SECURE IN MYSELF, YOU PURPLE FREAK! ROUND 3, HIT THE DAMN DICE BLOCKS YOU HOES!" Bulloney raged.

"You know you just further proved her point, right?" Starlow reproached with a snicker. Everyone hit the dice blocks and the numbers 5, 7, and 9 were chosen.

"WAS I PICKED THIS TIME!? HELLOOOOOO!?" Lakilester annoyingly yelled.

"No you weren't! For goodness sake, we'll tell you if your number is chosen, you sightless nuisance!" Toodles spat.

"Damnit! Okay, you guys need to figure out a strategy to beat her because this is definitely rigged! Bleck, your magic has to work somehow!" Tippi cried.

"So you'll be using witchcraft to solve this then? I…suppose that'll work if it's the only way," Luigi spoke begrudgingly.

"Maaaaaaaan you guys are such babies! Of course the losers wanna complain that it's rigged when it's them that's losing! Ever heard of taking things with pride?" the toad nurse taunted further.

"But three times in a row with only so few numbers being chosen? Give me a break. Finish this, you guys!" Vivian said in encouragement, then her, Luigi, and Tippi fell into the void of nothingness.

"OOH WHAT'S WRONG, SCARED YOU'LL LOSE AND DOOM EVERYONE IN THE HOSPITAL!? HAHAHA! YOU'RE ALL NOTHING BUT A BUNCH OF PATHETIC WEASELS!" Bulloney yelled mockingly.

"You know, your voice is really giving me a headache right now. Someone like you probably has no friends, and no, your dumbass owner doesn't count as a friend!" Spike crudely insulted.

"GRRRRAAAAAHHHH, SHUT UP! I WAS BULLIED FROM A YOUNG AGE BY A BUNCH OF OTHER BULLS AND THIS IS HOW I BECAME BECAUSE OF THEM! IT'S NOT MY FAULT I'M A RAGEAHOLIC BEAST! SOCIETY IS TO BLAME! I TAKE NO PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY ACTIONS!" Bulloney angrily explained and pounded his feet on the panel.

"Wow. I don't feel sorry for you in the slightest!" Pauline commented.

"Bulloney, please stop! They're just trying to get into your head!" the toad nurse warned as the dice blocks appeared over everyone again.

"Hmm…hold on a second here…" Bleck whispered as he thought of an idea. Everyone else but Bleck hit the dice blocks and out came the numbers 1, 2, and 11.

"Am I screwed!? AM I SCREWED?" Lakilester shrilled.

"NO!" Everyone else shouted in annoyance.

"I'm the one that's screwed! So much for being number one!" Toodles cried.

"Hey, magician man, hit the dice block and quit delaying the inevitable!" yelled the nurse.

"I will..but I wanna say one thing first! Bulloney…you're ugly, stupid, annoying, worthless, and worst of all…YOU REEK OF WEEKS OLD COW DUNG!" Bleck insulted. This set off the bull who turned red and growled loudly.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH! I WILL FUCKING MAIM YOU AND PUT YOUR ORGANS OUT ON DISPLAY!" Bulloney raged and darted at him. Bleck dodged easily and the bull fell into the void of nothingness. The others shrieked at this discovery.

"NOOOOOOOO! BULLONEEEEYYYYY! YOU IDIOT, I TOLD YOU NOT TO LET THESE SCOUNDRELS GET INTO YOUR HEAD! IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE OTHER BULLS BULLYING YOU ALL THOSE YEARS AGO, NONE OF THIS WOULD'VE HAPPENED!" cried the nurse and fell to her knees in defeat.

"Wow. You're just as pathetic as your dumb bull!" Spike said then flutter jumped to her panel and kicked her in the face, also forcing her off into the void of nothingness.

"Oh! So, is that it? I don't get to lose?" Toodles excitedly asked.

"I think so! Uhh…let me see here…RETURN!" Bleck tried out a spell and snapped his fingers. Everything went black for a second. Then they all popped back in to the ER hallway with the evil toad nurse gone.

"Goodness me, we're all back and safe! I really thought I'd be falling forever!" Toadsworth said in relief.

"Bleck here figured out the trick to get us out of that weird place! He just pissed off that psycho bull really badly and got him to run off his space, and Spike kicked that freaky nurse off her space too!" Starlow explained.

"Wow. Lamest mini-boss ever! Well, come on now, there's no more time to waste, we gotta get to Merle!" Luigi declared and they all ran down the hallway to find his room.


Mario, Peach, Yoshi, Koops, Kooper, Bombette, Parakarry, Bowser, Larry, Ludwig, Morton, Lemmy, Wario, Mona, Bowser Jr., Toadette, and E. Gadd all ran up to the 4th floor which was where the mental ward was at.

Mario ran to a toad employee and frantically asked, "Excuse me! Is Tadano still in his room? Or was he let out?"

"Uhh, he should still be in his room! Come, take a look!" said the toad and led the way over to Tadano's room. He opened the door and in there was indeed Tadano, who was sitting on his bed.

"Eh!? What do you all want!?" Tadano yelped.

"Oh thank the stars! We were worried for a second that you had been let out!" E. Gadd said in great relief.

"Yeah! We're definitely glad you're still locked up in here with no escape and being in a state of misery for who knows how long!" Lemmy added.

Tadano stood on the floor and made a freaky smile. "Actually…I lied to you all…Tadano is gone. Someone let him out and I took his place."

Everyone looked at each other confusedly.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? Is this some dumb metaphor we're supposed to figure out?" Wario asked.

Tadano grabbed a zipper that was attached to his head and pulled it down…revealing Petey Piranha! The gang shrieked and dropped their jaws at this completely unexpected scenario.

"WHAT IN THE FUCK!? PETEY GODDAMN PIRANHA!? YOU'VE BEEN TADANO THIS ENTIRE TIME!?" Kooper screamed.

"Yeah, the last time we saw you, you were causing chaos at that news building where we tried doing the variety show stuff!" Lemmy recalled.

"Ohhhhhhh yeeeeaaaahhhh! Man, that seemed like AGES ago! But naw, ever since that time, I've been roaming the city stealing food and bottles of alcohol. I was totally indecisive about going back to my home or helping out over here, so…I went back home. Then I came here to help once I realized how bored I was, so…here we are! TADA!" Petey cheerily explained.

Everyone else was fuming at this, though.

"Um…what. First of all, why are you in this room? Secondly, how the hell did you fit in that small costume of Tadano? Thirdly, WHY THE HELL IS THERE A COSTUME OF TADANO IN THE FIRST PLACE!?" Mona shouted.

"Sheesh! Calm down, lady! I'll explain everything. I entered the hospital a little while ago and was told by some hunky-looking toad guy to come to the 4th floor with him. So, I did. Then when we got here, some crazy bobcat man was jumping all over the place and singing awfully out-of-tune of some pop song. The staff was trying to control him, but the man told me to come into this room. The purple alien dude was dragged out by the toad guy and I was locked in here to wither away…but hey, at least he left his costume here for me to play dress up and entertain myself with!" Petey enthusiastically told the story.

"What the…some hunky toad guy let you in here…and brought Tadano out!? Well, who the hell could that have been!? Why would they let him out!?" E. Gadd questioned.

"Was the toad guy in question tall? And had yellow spots on his head?" Mario asked.

"Yes, that was him! Why, do you know him? Does he have a name!? AND PHONE NUMBER?" Petey excitedly asked.

"FUCK! That's gotta be Toadari, the head of Mushroom Corporations, Arfur's boss! He did this!" Mario put the pieces together.

"Woah! But why would he do this? Why let out Tadano? What purpose would that bring?" Toadette questioned.

"Who knows! But now that we know what happened, we need to go back downstairs and see if Merle is awake so we can figure out what to do next!" Peach commanded.

"Alright, to the stairwell! Come, my comrades!" Yoshi yelled and led the way back.

"Hey hey hey, I'm joining this adventure too now! You can't save the world without my giant self being of help!" Petey happily demanded.

"PETEY PIRANHA HAS NOW JOINED YOUR PARTY…LIKE IT OR NOT!" yelled a feminine voice from the air.

"Uhhh, where the hell did that voice come from? You guys all heard that, right?" Ludwig asked in fright.

Yoshi entered the stairwell but gasped when he saw that it was entirely different. Everyone else bumped into Yoshi and they all fell down a red slide. The place they were in looked exactly like The Princess' Secret Slide from Super Mario 64.

"WOOOOOOAH WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUCK!? WHERE'D THE STAIRWELL GOOOOOOOO!?" Bowser roared as he slid down on his shell.

"HOLY SHIT WE ARE GONNA DIE!? I WAS NEVER GOOD AT PLAYING THIS PART OF SUPER MARIO 64! I ALWAYS FELL INTO THE ABYSS!" Kooper cried.

"EVERYONE, TURN AT THE BEND! THERE'S NOTHING ON THE SIDES TO PROTECT US FROM FALLING SO STAY CLOSE TO THE CENTER!" Mario ordered as the gang slid into the part of the room where a dark abyss surrounded the whole slide.

"I see a 1-up Mushroom! Quick, someone collect it before we all- oh nevermind, it fell into the abyss. Well, what's the point of having a 1-up shroom show up if it's just gonna go away quickly?" Larry questioned.

"Wheeeeeeee! I don't know why you're all so freaked out for, this is a blast! Uh oh, here comes the bumps! Gna-a-a-a-arly!" Petey cheered.

"Easy for you to say, you can fly and save yourself if you fall off!" Morton pointed out in jealousy.

"And? I'm not seeing the point here!" Petey scoffed.

"Look, we're at the end! I see a finish line!" Koops yelled, pointing to a black and white checkered finish line where the slide ended.

"UGH! I thought I get rid of this dumb slide ages ago! I've only used it once, and I stopped using it ever since because I nearly died trying to collect the 1-up shroom!" Peach said.

"So does this mean we just collect the star at the end and we're out of here? That's how this works right, you know, since we were suddenly teleported to Peach's secret slide out of completely nowhere!" Bombette asked.

"I hope so! Because…wait…it just got dark! What's happening now!?" Mario shrieked as the second they all got to the finish line, everything went pitch black for a few seconds, then it became light again…but they were all in a different setting once again. A setting that some of them immediately recognized.

"OH NOOOOO! NOW WE'RE IN THE COOL, COOL MOUNTAIN SLIDE! GAAAAHHHH! WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!?" Yoshi screamed in horror as the gang were now sliding down a slide made of snow and ice inside of a mountain.

"OH MY GOD TH-THIS IS F-F-FREEZING! I'M S-S-SO GONNA GET FROSTBITE ON MY LOWER HALF!" Toadette cried.

"Goddamnit! If I'm gonna go down these dumb, annoying slides, then at least let me get a break so I can slide on my stomach and not ruin my nice shell!" Bowser complained as he flailed his body about.

"Man oh man, this is actually fun! I feel 20 years younger! Too bad I haven't invented a device that can reverse aging yet!" E. Gadd cheered.

Parakarry looked behind him and gasped when he saw someone sliding down fast towards them. "Uhh, guys!? Is it me or is there a massive penguin coming our way?"

Mario gasped when he heard this and looked behind him. His nerves immediately shot up when he remembered having to race the big penguin on this slide all those years ago.

"Oh mamma mia! What are you doing here!?" the plumber yelped.

"I could be asking you the same question…CHILD MURDERER! Don't think I haven't forgotten you throwing my poor baby off the ledge and giving me that other penguin kid who CLEARLY wasn't my baby!" the big penguin spat. Everyone else looked horrified at this reveal, including Mario himself.

"EXCUSE ME!? So…wait…you're not the Big Penguin that I raced in here? You're the mother penguin? The one that's outside of the cabin of Cool, Cool Mountain!?" Mario shrieked.

"Yep, that's me! Let it be known that this asshole threw my precious baby off the cliff and gave me another kid in hopes of tricking me to give him the star! And it worked! I didn't realize that the kid he gave me was actually the false one the entire time! YOU WILL ROT IN HELL FOR THE ULTIMATE SIN YOU HAVE COMMITTED!" screamed the mother penguin with a fiery vengeance.

"Oh my! Mario, you've never told me about this! You have some explaining to do after we finish this freezing slide!" Peach scolded.

"Woah hold on a second here! The kid that I gave you the first time was wrong, you said he looked nothing like your child! Even though they did look alike…but, then I gave you the second kid and you said that was it, and then you gave me the star! Why are you backpedaling!?" Mario recalled.

"Well, shit, lady! If that second penguin wasn't actually your kid, then that's just you being a dumbass! It ain't Mario's fault that a mother couldn't differentiate her own kid!" Morton reproached.

"SHUT UP! I WAS IN A HIGH STRESS SITUATION AND COULDN'T THINK PROPERLY BACK THEN! YOU WILL PAY FOR EVERYTHING, MARIO! YOU WILL PAAAAAAYYYYY!" the mother penguin yelled chaotically.

"Oh, just shut up already you background character!" Wario shouted and rammed into her, knocking her off the slide and into the abyss.

"AAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHH! I WON'T FORGET THIS YOU MUSTACHIOED MENACE!" she screamed before disappearing into the blackness below.

"Sooooo, Mario…does this mean you actually threw a penguin kid off of the mountain then?" Mona questioned.

"Errrr…it was an accident! Really! I don't wanna talk about it!" Mario stammered, looking embarrassed.

"We're coming to the end now! But is it actually the end? Find out next time on Mushroom Wars, Episode 120 - The Misery Continues While Someone Else Gets Brutally Killed!" Petey announced.

"What in the hell are you even talking about? Man, I don't know how I got to be surrounded by so many weirdos!" Lemmy said.

Everyone reached the finish line and everything went dark again for a few seconds. Then, the vicinity lit up once more and they were all in a different slide this time.

"OH COME ON! Now we're in the Tall, Tall Mountain slide! When is this ever gonna end!?" Yoshi cried.

"Wow, look at the pretty smiley faces above the slide! So cuuuuuuute!" Petey gushed.

"HI THERE! HAPPY HALLOWEEEEEEEEEEN!" squealed the crescent moon smiley face.

"What in the world!? It's not Halloween! Not even close to it! Quit making me think of the holiday season!" Peach pouted.

"GRAAAH! THE SPIKES ON MY SHELL ARE GONNA BE FUCKING DULL BY THE TIME WE'RE DONE WITH THIS! THIS BETTER BE THE LAST SLIDE!" Bowser roared.

"You know, they should really think about making this a carnival attraction ride, obviously minus the falling into the abyss part," Parakarry commented.

"Seriously!? You're thinking about THAT at a time like this!?" Bowser Jr. criticized while turning a corner.

"Guys, there's a fork in the road coming up! The path straight ahead leads to a dead end, so veer towards the right and you'll be safe!" Mario warned.

"You mean this path with the skull on it!?" Wario cried, not veering in time along with Petey.

"OH NOOOOOO! WARIOOOOOO!" Mona screamed as she saw the pair fly off the slide and into the abyss.

"DAMNIT! They can't be dead, right!? There's no way they could've died! All of this is an illusion! It's gotta be!" Koops shrilled.

"Unless you can somehow survive falling from hundreds of feet in the air…safe to say that they're gone!" Morton pointed out.

"Damnit! Why is this happening!? WHY!?" Mario shouted and started to cry.

"Look guys…the slide is ending. Could it be REALLY ending this time around?" Toadette softly spoke. The gang came to a slow slide as they all headed straight for the hole in the floor that looked to be the only exit. They all went through the hole.

CRASH!

All of them crashed through the ceiling and landed in Merle's patient room. The others in there were extremely startled by this.

"What the hell? Why were you guys in the ceiling?" Luvbi asked.

"Looooong and dumb story. Really! But wow, we're in Merle's room now! Let's get this sorted out now," Morton said as three more people ran in to the room.

"Guys, we made it! The problem upstairs has been taken care of!" Dixie announced.

"Taken care of as in…murdered him!?" Pauline gasped.

"Pah! I wish. I literally kicked Bonkers' ass onto the streets and told him to go perform a musical at Chai Mental Institution if he really wants to annoy everyone and cause chaos," Fly Guy informed.

"Good to know. But…um…we lost Wario and…Petey Piranha…" Kooper revealed sadly.

"Oh no! How did- wait a damn second here. Petey Piranha? As in…THE Petey Piranha? He's here? He was with you? Uhhhh…" Daisy questioned in pure confusion.

"We ran into him on the 4th floor, he was in Tadano's room. That's a whole other confusing story…" Larry answered.

CRASH!

Everyone shrieked and jumped when another part of the ceiling crashed through, in coming Petey and Wario.

"OH! WARIO, YOU'RE ALIIIIVE!" Mona cheered and ran over to him to hug him.

"That's twice now I've intercepted death! I probably won't get a third chance!" Wario said, still in horror.

"Geeeeee, thanks for being so concerned about my well being! I may as well have died!" Petey grumbled, taking the non-reaction to him being alive extremely personally.

"Sorry…glad you're alive too! We thought you both were goners!" Mona said.

"I don't even know how the hell we ended up here! After we fell off, everything turned black, I heard Petey's disgusting puking and then…we're here! Yay, I suppose?" Wario summarized.

"What? We were falling at a high velocity! How could I NOT have puked!?" Petey said.

"Agh…Bleck…come…h…here…pl…ease…" Merle whispered, weakly reaching out his hand. Everyone gathered around him.

"Merle! Yes? What do you need me to do? How do we end this craziness going on here?" Bleck frantically asked.

"I'm s-sorry for all this…the magics from the ritual were so overwhelming that it caused me to become weak and for things in this hospital to go haywire and make no logical sense. I…I know how to fix it. Repeat after me…and take my hand…" Merle softly explained and Bleck grabbed his hands.

"Reverse quod inciderunt…reverse quod inciderunt…" Merle chanted.

"Reverse quod inciderunt. Reverse quod inciderunt," Bleck repeated.

"Redde consuetem…redde consuetem…"

"Redde consuetem. Redde consuetem."

"Normalcy has returned. With our magic, it's earned. This is what we have yearned. Our lesson has been learned!" Merle raised his voice.

"NORMALCY HAS RETURNED! WITH OUR MAGIC, IT'S EARNED! THIS IS WHAT WE HAVE YEARNED! OUR LESSON HAS BEEN LEARNED!" Bleck shouted to the heavens and then a white flash was seen and everyone was temporarily blinded.

A few seconds later, everyone could see again. They were all back in the hidden room of the storage basement room.

"What the? So…did the spell work?" Bowser Jr. nervously asked.

"It did," Merle quietly responded and stood up before them. "All the craziness and illogics have vanished. I'm sorry you all went through that mess…as I said, it was an unfortunate side effect from the ritual being more emotionally and mentally overwhelming than I anticipated."

"No need to apologize. We're all back here, safe and sound, and that's all that matters. But the question I have remaining is this: Is Tadano actually gone? Or was that just a part of all the insanity that happened?" Mario brought forth the most important question that needed to be answered.

"Agh…I…I would use a locator spell, but…my magics are drained at the moment…I need to recover…" Merle revealed.

Suddenly, the door kicked open, surprising everyone. No one expected to see this person show up.

"Tadano's gone, you guys. Someone took him out of here!" Kody revealed.


MUSHROOM CORPORATIONS

Arfur was in his office, running his hands through his hair and pulling on his face in pure stress. He made a deep, nervous sigh as he picked up his cellphone to call Toadari. His heart pounded as his eyes became watery.

"Hello?" he answered. Arfur almost wished he hadn't though.

"Hey, boss…sorry to call you so late. I made my decision about…you know…"

"I see. And what is your decision?"

"I…decided that…um…I-I'll do it. I'll kill one of them to make up for what I've done."

Toadari was heard laughing a little on the other end. It made Arfur want to puke.

"Excellent. I knew you'd come through. So, let me go over again how the process will work: there's a golden knife in my desk drawer. Grab it. That will be your weapon to use for whomever you want to kill. Then, when you kill your person of choice, take a picture of the results, with the golden knife in said person, and send it to my phone so I know for a fact that you did it. You will have another 24 hours to do this. Is that understood?"

Arfur tried to hold in his crying. The method of murder his boss wanted him to carry out was so heinous and disgusting that he tried all his might not to blow up on him and call him out for his cruelty.

"I…y-yeah, I understand. I'll do it."

"Good. Do you have anyone in mind at the moment?"

"N…no…I…um…wait…"

"Yes…?" Toadari asked with a hint of excitement.

"S…Spike…that paper dinosaur boy…I…told him the secret of Mario's experimentation…he's the one that told everyone after I told him not to…" Arfur spoke as if he was having an epiphany.

"I see. Intriguing. Well…he sounds traitorous. Traitors need to get their consequence one way or another, don't you agree?"

"Yes. Yes they do."

EoC.

Hope you enjoyed the change of pace for this chapter! I tried to not make it TOO random and zany. Things will go back to the usual pace for the next chapter. Someone's also going to die next chapter! Plus, Koops and Kooper finally have a much needed conservation, Bowser's and Kenneth's hatred for each other grows even more, Dimentio carries out a plan to interrogate Konnor, and as always, much more! Next chapter will be uploaded on or before Sunday, February 27. Thanks for reading!