PART THREE OF SMASHER DOOMINESS: THE FINAL WAFFLES!

Random is good.

Disclaimer: I like Evangelion. And there was some legal crap I had to mention in this space, but I forgot…mmm…donuts…oh yeah, I own none of this…except the I.C.B.F. because I made it up. So there. GROVEL BEFORE YOUR MASTER! GROVEL!

…Ahem…so…shall we?

Present Day, T-6:00 UNTIL ABC, SEVEN SMASHERS REMAIN

Inside the force field, the Smashers briefly contemplated their fate.

Roy/Ray turned over to Dr. Mario "I will not leave you master."

"Darn straight." The doctor replied. "Hey, the light over there is bad, come over here where I can see you."

"I do not fear the dark side as you do!"

"What are you talking about?"

kneels down "I will do anything you ask."

You better believe it. "Hey, Samus, go get me some popcorn, I'm starving."

Samus: "Idiot...CAN YOU NOT SEE I'M TRYING TO SAVE YOUR WORTHLESS HIDE?"

"Roy, get me some popcorn."

crazed look"YOU TURNED HER AGAINST ME!"

"Geez, whatever happened to 'I will do anything you ask'?"

"YOU WILL NOT TAKE HER FROM ME!"

"Roy, I just want some popcorn."

"LIAR!"

"Roy, this isn't Star Wars!"

"I HATE YOU!"

"He has a point," Mario started. "You did turn him into your cyborg slave to do your every bidding."

"SHUT UP!"

At this point the Author pressed the Random button.

Dr. Mario suddenly found himself in a strange place. It was hot. Really hot. And there was lava everywhere. There were weird people in white armored suits and funny looking robots running around killing each other. This is dangerous, the doctor thought as a wrist rocket exploded to his right, shattering some funky machine and sending the robots on the bridges behind him to a fiery doom. I need some protection, guards, firearms, anything… The doctor approached a harmless-looking white-armor-suit-person. "Excuse me, but could you help me find the exit? I wound up here somewhere and don't know how to get back to where I was."

"Negative. The Hero must be allowed to work alone." The armor person said.

"Hero? Who said anything about a hero? I'm an evil doctor. I…" The doctor looked down to see that he was dressed in some funny tan garments, with a silver cylinder attached to a belt. That's weird; I can't remember wearing these before… He walked off dazed and confused in search of an exit. Suddenly, a robot dropped down in front of him and pointed a big, painful-looking gun at him. "NO! STOP! DON'T KILL ME!" The doctor cried as he thrust his hands out to ward off his attacker. To his surprise, the robot flew across the room and smashed into a wall, slumping to the floor. The doctor ran off before anything else weird happened.

After dodging a few squadrons of robots and hearing "Roger roger" so much he thought his head would explode, he found himself on a large platform. There was a figure at the other end of the platform, draped in a black cloak.

"This is the end for you, my Master."

Roy turned and flicked on his newfound lightsaber. A crimson glow emanated from the blade as he walked toward the doctor, barely constraining his urge to obliterate his foe. The doctor, struggling to figure out what the shiny cylinder does, peered into the top while searching for a button. He found the button, and pressed it. The lightsaber activated, splitting his head down the center and continuing until there were two symmetrical Dr. Mario pieces lying on the platform. "OBI-WAN KILLED HIMSELF" flashed in white letters at the top of the screen. Then everything went neon waffle-colored.

Back at the I.C.B.F., Roy, seeing that his Battlefront II expertise had finally paid off, relished in the absence of his former "Master".

Pit flew in to the room, but was an unimportant character that no one really cares about, so Kirby ate his face.

Pit dies

Suddenly, Mario had an idea. "Samus, help me throw Marth through the force field."

"And…why should I do that?"

"He's a lunatic wrapped in barbed wire. If they try to eat him, they'll be shredded. If they eat him anyway, well…that's one less idiot to deal with. It's a win-win scenario."

"What if he kills us before we throw him out?" Samus inquired.

"You're right. Let's just kick him out."

"Agreed."

So they kicked Marth until he slid out of the force field. He then proceeded to babble so much incoherent babble that the Zichus exploded out of sheer insanity. Babble.

"Well, I'm glad that's over." Samus muttered as she let down the force field.

Marth then proceeded to eat a can of spinach, bust out of the straitjacket, and kill everyone. Or, he would have, but his spinach can was in Kirby's stomach.

"So, uh…why are we here again?" Samus questioned. "I thought we were looking for something. Important. Wasn't that central to the plot of this story? How can we continue if we don't remember what we were supposed to do?"

"Who cares?" Everyone groaned.

At this point, A huge blast erupted from the ceiling and a figure dropped down.

"Solid Snake?" Mario groaned. "Don't you have a random nuclear device to stop or something?"

"As a matter of fact, I do. And it's here in this box." Snake replied emotionlessly.

"WHAT? YOU BROUGHT IT WITH YOU!"

"No, I meant this box fortress thing we're in."

"…Oh…YOU BROUGHT IT WITH YOU!"

"No, idiot. I came here to find it because it was already HERE."

"…Ah. I see…very well then…YOU BROUGHT IT WITH YOU!"

Snake capped Mario with the M9 and stuffed him in a locker. Suddenly, an alarm went off. "ALERT" appeared in big red letters at the top of the screen. "Crap! I've been spotted!" Toads with ski masks and AK-47s stormed into the room.

Five minutes later…

Snake came back to rejoin the group and apologized for the Toad mess all over the walls and floor and ceiling and stuff. Another alert went off.

"ATTENTION. THIS IS THE AUTHOR SPEAKING. SOLID SNAKE, AS YOU ARE IN NO WAY FUNNY AND DO NOT FIT WELL WITH RANDOMNESS, I HAVE DECIDED TO REMOVE YOU FROM THIS STORY. YOU WILL NOW BE PLACED IN THE ROOM OF TORMENT UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE."

"When's further notice?" Snake muttered under his breath.

"NEVER." Snake disappeared in a puff of rubber piggies.

Snake reappeared in a room filled with 90,000,0W0,000,00F,000GREEN LCD TVs. Gee, this ain't so bad. Snake thinks to himself. All the TVs simultaneously turn on to reveal…THE MARTHA STEWART SHOW!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo……………………………."

Meanwhile, Wario fell from the ceiling and splattered everywhere. His last words were "Wah ha ha!"

"Hey, weren't we supposed to find some antidote around 15 minutes ago?" Samus pondered. "Why are we not dead…unless THERE WAS NO VIRUS! YOU JUST WANTED US TO KILL EACH OTHER!"

The Author pondered. "…….so?"

"I refuse to take part in this any longer." Samus stated.

"YOU WILL ALL PARTICIPATE UNTIL ONLY ONE OF YOU IS LEFT, OR SO HELP ME YOU WILL BE WATCHING MARTHA STEWART RERUNS FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY!"

Everyone fainted.

30 minutes later, after everyone recovered from that shock…

"OKAY, THEN, I TRUST WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER."

"Man, this chapter was a waste…" Samus remarked… "You only killed off four people and a horde of zombie rats, and only one of those people actually counted…and that BF2 scene was pathetic…and I don't really know how I know about that."

"I ate Pit's face! That makes five!" Kirby chirped.

"Pit's not important. He doesn't count." Samus retorted.

"SILENCE!" The author pushed the Samus Blow Up button.

Samus explodes

Fin.

Wow, that was strange…but fun…I needed to kill Samus anyway. She was getting irritating. Oh, and I still hate Kid Icarus and nothing you can do or say will change my mind. Next chapter soon.