Hurt - Chapter 3

Rated: T

Numb

Chapter Summary: Dealing with the aftermath of his brother's death, Leonardo seeks answers but not in a way no one suspected.


Delving more into some hardcore feels...


Leonardo was numb.

The training in mediation and remaining calm ingrained in his system since he was a small child was the only piece of sanity the leader had left. Steel blue eyes remained dry by sheer will on the drive back to the lair. While forced to stop at a red light, Leo took this small moment to glance back in the rear view mirror; the scene of his two youngest brothers holding one another in silence, trails of tears leaking down their faces was a sight he never wished he had to see; forcefully tearing his eyes away, he noticed April curled up on one of the chairs in the back, thankfully, for now, still unconscious.

On the floor of the van, there was a white sheet over a form, bits of it stained with blood. Leo averted his eyes from it, not wanting to believe his little brother was underneath there - still refusing to believe his seemingly unstoppable and invincible brother, Raphael, was now nothing more than a corpse. His mind was not willing to accept that reality - not yet - perhaps not ever.

A flash of green in the corner of his eyes had him turning his eyes back to the road, the horrendous burning in the back of his bloodshot eyes was completely ignored as he drove back to the lair. When the car finally came to a stop, he instantly jumped out, opening the hatch where Donnie and Mikey were carrying the tarp wrapped around his brother. Leo, still having those same elder brother instincts ingrained into each and every fiber of his being, gently removed Raphael from their arms without even looking at them - his eyes focused on something in the far distance. The two let him go without hesitation, Donnie slowly making his way back to the Shellraiser to go back for April; easily lifting the thin girl and walking toward the turnstiles. Mikey followed closely behind, tear-stained blue eyes staring at the floor; stone silent as the trio walked into the quiet lair.


Splinter stood near the tire swing. Ever since Raphael left the lair, he'd experienced a weight on his chest. He ignored it thinking maybe it was heartburn from some spicy food he'd had earlier, but as the hours ticked by with no word from his hotheaded son or April, the weight became debilitating. Hamato Yoshi was not a person who panicked; always rational and always focused on keeping calm. So, he remained as such as the brothers went out to look for Raphael and Miss April.

Closing his eyes in mediation, he prayed for their safe return as well to still his growing fear and anxiety. He hadn't worried much for Raphael knowing out of all of his sons, he was strongest - his propensity for injury higher just because of the amount of protectiveness instilled in him; this was a constant thought in the back of his mind as Splinter waited for news. The elderly rat began doubting many things - including April's preparedness for patrol; maybe it had been too soon, but he believed in her; most importantly, trusting his son to take care of her like any sensei would. The feeling of dread was minimal at first; not wanting to admit it, but he felt as if something was wrong. He vehemently hoped it was nothing serious. This was one of the rare times he hoped the two were slacking off; a feeling the rat never got before but never hoped for anything more than now at this very moment.

Those hopes were dashed when he heard the sound of the ShellRaiser returning; quickly making his way to the living area, the ninja master was stopped dead in his tracks. Donnie walked in front, April curled up in his arms, barely conscious. His brown eyes steered toward Leonardo and he subconsciously felt his hands begin to tremble at the sight. In steady arms, his eldest was gentle carrying a large,still object covered in a white sheet and upon quick inspection, his legs and body began trembling in trepidation and his worst fears became realized.

Without realizing it, he was in front of the silent and stoic blue-banded turtle, cradling a familiar shape wrapped in a sheet, ignoring how Michelangelo began to weep from just steps behind his oldest brother.

"R-Raphael..." the name spoken softly as shaking paws began gingerly peeling away the blood-stained cloth.

Drawing it back, he felt bile rise in his throat. "No..." He whimpered, reaching a trembling hand to cradle his son's head. His skin, while always naturally cool, now was as frigid as ice. The color drained and everything about it just - wrong. Lowering his eyes, he saw it, and the blood-crusted obviously fatal wound shook him to his core. The tears he refused to spill with the amount of loss he had suffered over the years, stubbornly stayed put as the elderly sensei cradled the body of his second-oldest child; Leonardo allowing his father to remove the burden of dead weight from his arms. Pain he'd never before experienced pounding in his chest but yet his eyes remained dry as the elderly rat fell to his knees, his son still cradled in his shaking grasp.

Bright images flashed through his mind as he stared at his lifeless child; moments of first holding the small shaking turtle into his chest. Witnessing his shaky first steps and the time he had to comfort the normally strong-willed child when he lost his first tooth. Putting that blood red mask on his face - the color he chose especially for this child; his heart valiant and fierce even if his greatest enemy was often his short temper, it served him well though. He began to feel wetness on his face as he recalled so many instances of his Raphael's bravery; counting on his hotheaded child to keep his brothers safe - and he was never let down. Putting together in his mind what must have transpired this night - it all made sense to him...he protected April...and lost his life in the process.

It was this realization that caused Splinter to lose the calm that had been ingrained into him throughout his life. Pressing his face against the cold skin of his son's shoulder, he allowed the tears to seep out of his eye and into graying flesh.

"Sensei..." Donatello's voice broke through the ravenous hurt that was overtaking his very being.

"...Yes?" he mumbled, his voice stronger and calmer than he thought was possible came from his mouth.

"I-I think we should take h-him to the lab..." his genius son's voice shook with emotion.

Splinter pulled away, eyes not opening until he'd re-covered his son's face with the soft white cloth. Brown eyes opening to stare at the obvious curve of his son's cheek under the fabric, yet he was not able to look at Raphael for a fear of a total mental breakdown. Instead, he cradled him closer and gently nestled in his arms like you much would a small child as he slowly ambled in the direction of the lab.


Donnie wordlessly followed. Once in the lab, he watched in complete silence as Splinter placed down Raphael's body upon a steel table as if the lifeless terrapin was made of glass. It was almost a physical pain as he witnessed his father cradling Raph's head, his shaky paw caressing his fabric covered face; listened with bated breath as Splinter gulped back more tears before leaving the room without a word shared between them. ...Donatello was now left all alone with his brother's body and more pain in his chest than he thought possible to even bear...


Mikey dried his eyes for what felt like the thousandth time that night. His body on complete auto-pilot as he walked into the leveled living room and sat on the floor. He looked around and saw a tattered old pillow with a red case lying near a pile of beanbags; seeing it causing his mind to flash to a moment from the night before...

"Hey, numbskull, pass me the popcorn!"

Not even looking away from his perch two inches from the television, he tossed the bag of popped kernels to his hotheaded brother.

"Thanks... So, any reason why yer planning to be blind in five years?"

"Huh?" the orange-banded turtle asked, his pupil's dilated as he looked back at his older brother.

"Your gonna ruin your eyes if ya continue to sit so damn close to the tv, Mike." Raph replied before popping a few piece of popcorn in his mouth.

"Since when did you become Leo, dude?" Mikey asked a bit annoyed.

"I'm just looking out for you, bro - but, if you don't listen to me, I should just have Donnie come in here and explain exactly that process as well as maybe having surgery to correct your eyesight."

"They do surgery on eyeballs?!" the youngest asked shocked, placing his hands on his face in panic.

"Yep. It's really bloody too..." Raph chuckled, taking a small piece of popcorn. "And sometimes, when it goes wrong, they just..." the kernel pressed tightly between two fingers until it was crushed. "POP!"

"NOOOOOO!" Mikey screamed, running over to sit by Raphael among the beanbags.

"See? Is that so hard?" Raphael chuckled, throwing an arm over Mikey's shoulders. "Here, I'll even let ya use my pillow." he continued, pulling the pillow out from behind his back before offering it to his orange-banded brother.

Mikey grabbed it out of his brother's hand, sticking his tongue out at his older brother childishly, causing the red-banded terrapin to reach over and give him the noogie of a lifetime. The youngest turtle laughed, fruitlessly trying to remove himself from Raph's iron grip, but soon realizing it was a losing battle. A cry of "uncle" had thankfully been enough for the torture to cease; Mikey laughing as he elbowed his older brother in his side. Raph smiled back at his youngest brother and the normally hotheaded terrapin didn't even say a peep when the popcorn was stolen from him. Instead, he'd threw an arm over Mikey's shoulder and stayed like that as the two continued watching the movie well into the night.

Image still fresh in his mind, Mikey began sobbing, pressing his face into the tattered red pillow that still clung to the comforting scent of his older brother.


April blinked, clearing the mistiness from her eyes as she took in her surroundings; turning her head, she watched breathlessly as Splinter cradled Raphael's body, the rat's shoulders heaving. The guilt and anguish increased as she realized what her moment of hesitation caused. She'd NEVER seen Splinter lose calm. Never seen him emotional... Her blue eyes ripped away from the scene as she buried her face in her folded arms and silently began crying. Suddenly, she was ripped to her feet and her eyes widened when she met the fierce steel blue eyes of a very enraged Leonardo. She couldn't recall a moment she'd been more terrified, the facade of Leo without the sincerity of calm surrounding him had been stripped away and this side of him she'd never witnessed filled her horrified vision.


Leonardo watched Splinter's reaction wordlessly. Staying completely silent as Mikey curled into the couch and sobbed - not having any reaction as Splinter and Donnie made their way into the lab with Raphael's blanket covered body. The numbness that took over had him shaking as rage began to fill the void where his inner grief lived. He caught sight of April, who had began waking up. Suddenly, this sense of anger and rage he was not used to feeling overtook him. He'd watched in complete disgust when she began to cry, not buying those tears and not caring if she was hurting; because there was now a festering wound in his heart that demanded answers; demanding an explanation as to why his little brother was dead - and April was the only one who could answer any of them.

In seconds, he'd made it to her side, grabbing the arm she had been crying into and yanking her to her feet.

Grabbing the red-headed girl who'd become such an integral part of their lives, he tossed her into the dojo not caring if his large hand was crushing her thin wrist. In the back of his mind, he heard Mikey screaming at him to stop acting that way, but he also heard Splinter dismiss it. He looked back for a short second and saw the look his Master gave him. It was a warning to not go too far and not let anger get the best of him - but it was too late for that...

In those seconds of pure unbridled rage, he finally understood Raphael's point of view more than ever. Raphael thrived on emotions when Leo stood on calm logic. Think first, act later, while his hotheaded brother was the polar opposite.

Leo completely ignored the terrified look on April's face. Her clothes and being were still drenched in his brother's dried blood and if anything, it only made him angrier. His fists were tight and trembling at his sides as he stared cold blue steel into wide terrified sky blue eyes.

"What the HELL happened to my BROTHER!?" Leo screamed at the top of his lungs, not caring how April trembled at the octave of his booming voice.

"L-Leo..." April whimpered, fresh tears dripping down her face.

"No. You've done enough crying, April. I want answers, and I want them now. What happened?"

"We - we were patrolling and going back to my house...and...and...I don't know! It just happened so fast a-and then he fell...t-t-there was blood everywhere!" she screamed, placing her hand over her mouth as she choked back a sob.

"You're not answering me... Raphael is DEAD...I want to know why... You are not leaving until you tell me exactly what happened..."

April didn't answer, falling to her knees and sobbing into her hands.

"Dammit, April, answer me!" Leo shouted, walking straight over to the young girl, roughly pulling her hand away from her face.

"Leonardo!" Splinter's voice came from the entrance of the dojo, where Mikey stood in horror, fresh tears glittering in his baby blue eyes.

"Answer me, April! Tell me why my brother is dead and you're still here!? WHY!? TELL ME!" Leo screamed, ignoring his Sensei's words.

"That's enough!" Splinter said, grabbing Leo's hand to release April's thin wrist. He turned his oldest to look him in the eye and nearly broke at the pain etching those steel blue eyes. "...Please...That's enough, Leonardo... Please, my son... Don't do this now... Not now..." he continued with a quivering voice, wanting nothing more than to cradle his eldest son into his chest and to tell him it would all be alright...but that action and words would ring empty this night.

Leo ripped his arm away before blindly running out of the dojo, the rage still shaking in his body.