Hurt
Denial
Rated: T
Chapter Summary: Leo learns he can't run away from everything and has to come to grips with circumstances he can't control.
This chapter gets a little icky as far as blood and other stuff goes; just wanted to give y'all a heads up if that kind of stuff grosses you out.
Leo ran and just kept going.
Instead of slipping back into the manhole cover once the sun rose over the horizon, Leo stayed upon the rooftop. Pacing fruitlessly along the edge; not caring in the least if someone saw him.
Nothing mattered anymore.
Rage he had never before experienced was running rampant through every vein and artery in his body. His eyes burned fiercely but he refused to cry; denying the fact his little brother was gone even if he saw the body himself. The only motivation Leo had at this moment was his desperate search for why this happened; how this happened; and to get revenge on whoever he deemed necessary.
Leo had always stalled and looked for different outcomes before killing. It was always used as a last resort, but not anymore. That was the unfortunate fate for a couple of Foot Soldiers just hours before. It wasn't satisfying when all of those foot soldiers just turned out to be robots; their warble of electric based wiring and sound effects, sparkles of electricity firing out before going still. Yet it wasn't enough, the leader beat them until they were nothing more than small metal debris and black cloth fluttering in the early morning breeze.
Katanas scratched and dulling; knuckles ached and bleeding were completely ignored as he continued his pacing.
For the first time Leo could recall, he felt lost. Hopelessly so.
Looking out upon the dawning of the sun, he felt no warmth. What used to be a special occasion just to feel those rays on his face felt cold; the numbness filling his veins like ice as he greeted the morning. Loss was a feeling that buried itself deep into his chest; the weight of a ton of bricks lingering in his stomach. Leo never imagined losing someone would physically hurt so much. Of course, early death was always a possibility; being ninjas protecting the city of New York from every enemy imaginable was not an easy task. They all had their share of scrapes, wounds, injuries, lacerations, and broken bones over the years; Raphael seemingly the main one getting the worst of it, but Leo chalked it up to his carelessness actions and brashness. First one in, last one out; yet in the end, they all seemed to make it out okay - mostly worse for ware - but okay.
It was a tough pill to swallow. None of it made sense. What Leo needed was answers. The first place he went after blindly leaving the lair was the exact same spot Raphael had died. The stoic leader stood near the drying puddle of blood for a long time, his body physically shaking and his stomach in knots as he stared at the sheer amount that bled from his little brother's body. Recalling the shade of his skin and just how he'd basically bled out before dying; how he wasn't there to protect him; he'd been in the lair, angry at him for the belief he was merely slacking off. Yet, he was here in this alley, mortally wounded and dying with only April there to comfort him in his last few moments before his life snuffed out like a single candle's flame enthralled in a hurricane.
Leo threw up in a nearby dumpster; but his eyes remained dry.
Once he spat out the remaining bile from his mouth, Leo walked back over to the scene and saw his brother's sai near a wall, two shuriken scattered nearby; he'd found the fatal one near the dumpster and quickly tucked it away. Once he stood back up, Leo glanced across the street to the body of the foot soldier yet to be discovered by police or his other so called "comrades".
Slowly, he approached the body; cringing upon seeing his brother's weapon embedded in the corpse. Leo tensed up before placing his foot upon the still, cold figure and suddenly yanking the bloodied sai from the corpse's stomach. The squelching rip the body made when an object was removed was grating on his sensitive ears and nauseous stomach, but again, it was ignored. This piece of garbage who took his brother's life was not worth it he muttered internally, gingerly placing his brother's weapon to the side. Fiery rage took over and he'd bodily shoved the corpse onto its back, the arms stiff and remaining upright from where they died on their side; rigamortis already setting in; the leader didn't dare even think about the similar state his brother's body was currently going through.
Leo roughly grabbed the mask and pulled it off and couldn't help but jump back in abject horror. It was just a kid - a teenage boy probably younger than Casey - for some reason, Leo expected, even wanted, to see a monster under that mask; a horribly scarred, deformed, evil person who was capable of murdering his little brother in cold-blood...but he wasn't. Only around 15 years, dirty blonde hair, soulless brown eyes staring back up at him...this was some young kid probably trying to prove himself to his boss by taking out a sworn enemy. A rebel teen who grew up in a troubled household and took comfort in a sick demented idea of a "family" on the streets and joined the breaches of the Foot Clan. This wasn't some hardened criminal who'd been practicing ninjitsu their whole life and was a soulless assassin... This kid was most likely just flung out into the thick of it and ordered to prove himself...it wasn't a trained shuriken throw...
It was a lucky shot...
For some reason, that made it worse...
Leo couldn't help but vomit again, the acidic bile rising in his throat as he stumbled toward the dumpster. Once his stomach calmed, Leo leaned heavily on the rusted metal container, not caring how it's sharp edges were digging into his forearms. His body began trembling again; everything inside of him wanted to scream, his hands shaking as he reached for his katanas. His wobbly legs miraculously still held him up and once his twin steel blades were in his hands, he began slashing across anything in his path, dumpsters, loose trash bags, railings and brick walls all bearing new slash marks within a few seconds. He was a loose canon at this point, the adrenaline pumping through his veins as he attacked anything in sight. For a solid five minutes, he rampaged through the alley, screaming and defiling anything he could get his swords on - the anger was unquenchable. His body was not invincible though; his rage made him clumsy and before long, he'd accidentally slashed his own hand.
Wincing at the sudden pain, Leo dropped his swords, hand gripping tightly over the slit.
"Dammit!" he roared, feeling the warmth of blood polling slightly underneath his fingertips. He pulled his hand away to fumble in his pouch to retrieve a small roll of gauze and a tourniquet to stop the blood flow. It was almost a subconscious motion as he wrapped it over the wound. Everything inside of him was pulsating too fast, heart hammering and everything hurt...
Legs shook before he finally collapsed right there; spending the remainder of the pre-dawn hours just sitting; staring at some fixed point, his stomach still in knots as the hours ticked by and Leo was lost in his own troubled mind. He tore over every second - every instant the past 24 hours had contained. It would have been so easy to dissuade Master Splinter from allowing April to go on patrol with his younger brother. So easy just to follow them to make sure nothing went wrong - to have stopped that shuriken from killing his brother. As the hours passed, he'd went over every possible scenario that would have had a different ending... but after hours of pondering, Leo knew it was useless. He mindlessly fingered his new bandage as his mind wandered...nothing that occurred now would change anything... The rage imploded inside of him at this thought. When his mind cleared, he became aware of the warmth of the sun began cascading on his skin.
Without anything else to do - he ran away. No longer being able to remain at the very spot his little brother took his last breath. Leonardo wasn't sure how long he ran, his pulse hammering in his ears as he made his way across the town in a blind fury, being sure to stay in the shadows as the sun made its way higher in the sky. Momentarily taking time to stop in order to take out some pent up aggression on a few unlucky Foot Clan robots that for some reason were till out during the day. His feet finally stopped in an alley; where he was, he didn't care to know, all that mattered right now was the fact that his heart was now just a festering wound.
The air around him still reeked of death and the coppery scent of blood embedded deep into his nostrils even if he was no longer at the bloody alleyway where Raphael breathed his last. He'd glanced down at his hand and saw fresh blood staining his bandage. Auto-pilot took over and he'd began tightening the gauze; as he did so, Leo suddenly tensed upon a presence he felt traveling near. Instinct took over; the motions embedded into him since birth - to stay in the shadows regardless of circumstances. Forgetting his inner torment, Leo made his way up the side of the building and stared at the person running through the streets like a blind madman - upon closer inspection, he recognized the figure as no one other than Casey Jones.
Without even realizing, he began following the skiddish teenager - noticing how the lanky human was acting strangely; clumsy as he sprinted down alleyways and knocking into random faces on the street. It was a strange sight indeed. He followed him down a few more blocks where Casey just stopped. Leo's eyes narrowed, staying silent as he awaited to see what he would do next. Blue eyes calm and stoic as Casey collapsed into the curb, taking out his cell phone and just staring at it for a long time before his fingers began moving along the touch-pad.
In Leo's sensitive ears, he heard a voice that made his heart skip a beat. The sound of his little brother's voice-mail - a gruff voice he already missed. The burning in the back of his eyes increased ten-fold when he heard that voice; a particular sound he'd never hear again - not from his mouth anyway. The momentarily quelled anger returned with a vengeance as he continued to stare at the young man, who began weeping loudly even as pedestrians and citizens walked through, sure to leave plenty of distance in circling around him. Gazed of confusion and curiosity - what made Leo's stomach curl into itself is that no one was stopping to help - not even to ask if he was okay...
This city of people who he'd protected and defended with their very lives didn't care even for one of their own... A young boy weeping on the side of the road didn't seem to be worth their time... The stoic leader shook his head at the sight, anger embedded like cubes of ice in his gut as he stood to his full height and took off running once again - the destination unsure as Leo continued to look for answers he'd never find.
