Hurt - Chapter 7

Rated: T

Abandoned

Chapter Summary: April's world continues to crumble underneath her feet.


The lair was quiet once Casey's footsteps faded into nothingness. April was left alone on the couch, her heart aching and throat searing like fire. She was not prepared or even realizing that she'd broken the news to Casey until she heard him sobbing and begging her to tell him it was all just a lie. How badly she wanted to repel her statement...

How she'd give anything for it to be true...that Raphael wasn't dead...

But lying to herself about it now would only make it worse in the end...especially after Leo's wrath. Her body still trembled as she recalled the look in those fierce blue eyes. Never had she seen Leo lose his cool; he'd been the epitome of stoicism and calm, so to see him so broken, so enraged, scared the living daylights out of her. If it was any other time, she would have argued with him; her fiery Irish heritage would account for that; but now, she understood his anger and she felt as if she rightfully deserved for him to strike her down. It was her fault that his brother was dead. Her distraction that caused Raphael to protect her (such was his nature); losing his own life in the process.

That small fraction of a second where she looked away and ignored obvious movement in the shadows was the difference between her easily being able to defend herself and his demise.

April's stomach churned as she buried her face back in her arms; flashes of images bombarding her troubled mind. Again having to witness those last few moments of one of her best friends in the world dying in her arms; blood pouring out of his neck and only her small hands to deter it. The liquid warm and thick coiling over her fingers as she fruitlessly tried to staunch the bleeding to absolutely no avail... The light in those normally fueled green eyes dulling before sliding closed forever.

It all just happened so fast...

The shock was still dominant in its hold over her and she didn't even want to fathom what was going to happen when it finally wore off and the absolute world-shifting pain would finally envelop her in grief she couldn't possibly imagine...

"April?" A soft voice broke through her thoughts as the silhouette of Master Splinter was caught in her periphery.

"Yeah?" she croaked back seconds later; voice rasped and raw from crying and sobbing the past however many hours had passed...it already felt like a lifetime...

April felt more than witnessed Splinter sitting next to her, his heavy weight causing her to maneuver her weight to keep herself upright; a task that felt monumental to her shattered state. This was the first time he spoke to her. The first time he approached her was after Leonardo had left and she was left crying on the dojo floor, never wanting to get up. The elderly rat had handed her a bundle of clothing; the material old and grey, but would fit.

She'd stared up in confusion at him; her eyes wet and nose running, but his face was stone. He was always a master at hiding every emotion and he was using it to his every advantage. The only direction he gave was a tilt of his head toward the bathing chambers and he left back toward where he came.

Auto-pilot took over at this point, the obedience he'd drilled into her showcasing his master teaching skills had her standing to wobbly legs and heading toward the bathrooms. Once the door was closed and locked behind her, April finally caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and nearly collapsed to the floor again. She was saturated in blood. The lower half of her shirt, jean shorts and leggings were stained red, the rest of her, even her hair, covered in flecks and splatters of the burgundy substance. The redhead barely opened the toilet lid before hot bile shot out of her throat and tears once again leaked from her bloodshot eyes.

The pain was unbearable as she threw up, again and again.

Once her stomach calmed and she was able to take in a breath, she quickly flushed the toilet and ripped her clothes off with her eyes closed. Not even wanting to see the fabric near her again - knowing she'd been wearing it the whole time; showcasing to his brothers and father just how much blood their beloved brother and son had lost before he died... It was sickening. April leapt into the shower, the water blood-chillingly cold, but she didn't care, her eyes firmly closed as the blood was washed from her body; the chilled pellets smashing into her skin. The clear cool water stained by rust before pooling down the drain...

Images swirled in her head - images she'd give anything to unsee - to undo. Her legs suddenly folded underneath her and she landed on her rump on the hard porcelain with a loud thud; the pain from the fall not even registering to the internal pain and grief that already enveloped her. April pulled her legs up to her chest, arms folding upon her knees before she quickly buried her face into them. The tears came quickly; her raw, quiet sobs being drowned out by the constant spray of water upon her curled form.

Crimson-stained water dripped and swirled around her form...it took a long time before it was clear again.

When she walked back out into the living area, everything is quiet. Mikey is absent from his spot on the couch and Splinter and Donnie are nowhere to be seen. April doesn't even stop to wonder where Leo had gone...Instead, she ambles toward the couch, careful not to trip on her too long pants before sitting down in the very spot Mikey vacated; it's no longer warm. April isn't sure how many hours pass by before Casey's voice comes through the turnstiles...

"I think it's best you return home." Splinter's voice rings out, bringing April from tormented thoughts she's certain will never dissipate. It isn't until a moment later when the words sink in and in the first time in what feels like forever, a spark of life ignites in her chest.

"What!?" she shrills as best as she can even with her throat raw. The thought of leaving; the very inkling of having to go home and face the outside world again when all she wanted to do was fall asleep and never wake up was daunting... More frightening was the fact of where it came from. Splinter had never asked of her to leave; over the course of the many years she'd known the turtles, they were always welcoming. The elderly sensei going out of his way to make her feel at home in their lair...and now...he was outright asking her to leave.

"Please understand, Miss April... I did not expect to lose Raphael last night - I never suspected I'd have to relive the pain of losing a child...this time to death... The reason I am still functioning is beyond me - perhaps it is one mercy I've granted through this. Understand that I do not blame you, for it was R-Raphael's choice to save you, but I do think it's best that me and my sons are alone right now. We need time to grieve...and perhaps find a proper location to b-bury...bury my son..." his low calm voice cracking near the end, yet his eyes remained faceted to some fixed point; his tear-filled brown eyes not turning to peer at her in the least.

"Bury him? B-But...where? You guys live in the sewers! You can't bury him down here! You can't! H-He deserves so much better than -"

"That is our burden now, April... For what reason fate decided to take him, we cannot hope to understand but we must do what we have to." he interrupted rather firmly. "Now, please...honor me by obeying my orders, young one. I think it is for the best that you head home now." when his eyes finally met hers, April felt a chill go through her spine. The pain etched in those fatherly eyes was insurmountable; fresh tears dripped down her face as she witnessed it.

"M-Master Splinter..." April whimpered, hands shaking as she wanted to reach out and comfort him; apologize profusely for what she caused; wishing that somehow, she could trade places with Raphael at this moment; anything to wipe that pain away from his face. Anything for Raphael to come waltzing through the door - to be here and restore his shattered family.

"I will contact you when we have a funeral of some sort...but for right now, me and my sons just need time to grieve and perhaps if you're not here, my Leo will be more willing to return. I pray you understand..." a weathered sigh left his furry lips, before he continued as if just clearing his head, "...a father should not have to bury a child, but it is my duty as his father to do so. To honor my son... Listen, I'm not asking you to walk back alone, I have woken Donatello and he shall drive you back home; I suggest you go." the words firm and final as he stood to his feet and directed a furry paw back to where April realized Donatello must have been standing the whole time.

The genius terrapin's back was turned, arms crossed as he stared out toward the turnstiles. April swallowed a lump in her throat as she turned back to where Splinter was - but he was gone.

"Let's go." Donnie spoke and it was in a voice April swore she never heard come from his lips. The voice was dull and lifeless; a rasp that was more befitting the hotheaded brother they'd lost - a voice that didn't fit with the normally happy and upbeat Donatello.

"D-Donnie..." April whispered to try and get him to talk, but the violet-banded turtle walked out the turnstiles toward the Shellraiser without a single word; leaving April to hobble after him.