Hurt - Chapter 9

Rated: T

Severed

Chapter Summary: Leo loses himself in anger as Donnie is left to pick up the pieces.


Leo stared out across the expanse of the water between the islands and toward the statue of Lady Liberty floating on Ellis Isle. He couldn't recall the last time he'd ventured this far outside of their normal stomping grounds but his legs just gave out and he was forced to stop along the roof of an abandoned building. Taking a deep breath into burning lungs, Leo's mind wandered to things he still had yet to acknowledge and confront...the leader had spent so much time just running; hoping that distance from the events occurring back at the lair would dull the aching in his chest. He couldn't recall the last time he'd been more wrong...

If anything, he felt even worse.

The extent of the agony he'd felt at this moment was absolutely impossible to convey. It was all-encompassing and he was utterly incapable of focusing on anything else; yet not a single tear was allowed to fall from his steel blue eyes.

Leonardo Hamato forced himself to become numb, to simply ignore the gut-wrenching pain in his chest and focused on finding answers - finding reasons as to why his brother was dead...and mainly find those responsible... Yet his own responsibilities began appearing in the back of his mind; his duty as leader to his family felt more like a curse at this moment. He didn't want to go back to see how much Donnie was hurting yet hid it behind big words and fake smiles. To fathom the pain and grief etched in his father's eyes over having to lose a child in the most brutal way possible without any rhyme or reason. To having to comfort Mikey; his youngest brother who wore his heart on his sleeve and who desperately needed comfort and support that Leonardo himself could not give. The worst thing he surmised would be being forced to be within close proximity of his brother's corpse...to have the guilt of knowing he wasn't there to protect him the way big brothers are supposed to; that he allowed his little brother to die even if he couldn't have prevented it, the guilt still remained.

Leo simply just wanted to disappear...

Looking down at his dead t-phone, he had the urge to just toss it into the water to put even more distance between himself and his family but every time the urge rushed over him, he'd placed it back in his pocket. The precious images, voice, and text messages from Raphael were far to valuable to just throw away on a whim. Instead, he pulled out his brother's sai (he already washed the blood off the three pronged blades and handle) and stared at the weapon as it lay in his shaking hands. After taking it out the first time, he found himself just flipping it back and forth in his hands; testing its weight and how it felt in his clenched fist. His mind couldn't help but wander back to the exercise Splinter gave them with using different weapons and had a new respect for his hotheaded brother. While the sais were strong weapons, they were short, which meant that you had to be in close contact with your enemy and had very limited tactics when fighting. It just further confirmed Raphael's need to jump in first and ask questions later; it shone a lot of light as to why his brother fought the way he did - it was the most effective.

Hands moving without his permission, Leo found himself re-tightening the leather bands much like he saw his little brother doing on so many occasions. While Raphael was not much for meditation or deeper mental training, his red-banded brother was passionate about weapons; he'd spend many an hour sharpening blades, reapplying leather and waxing all of their weapons even without being asked by Splinter to do so. It was just something his hotheaded brother loved to do and for some odd reason, it was this action that caused the most tightening in his lungs and heart; because Raphael should be the one to do this.

Not him.

Leonardo suddenly placed the weapon in the notch on his belt, his chest heaving as he tried to quell the inexplicable pain that quickly shot through his body. Blue eyes peering at the city just as the sun fell across the horizon; Leo wanted to find anyone who may have been responsible for the hit on his brother's life. It didn't matter if he dismantled the entire Foot Clan single-handedly, he was going to do everything in his power to make sure they paid for his brother's death...in blood...


"Dammit, Leo!" Donnie growled, slamming his fist into his computer in the back of the Shellraiser.

The purple-banded terrapin had tried tapping Leo's phone signal numerous times but the T-phone had died hours ago and he'd been uselessly been trying to get a read on it or the last place there was any sort of signal - but it was all to no avail. He'd even gone as far as to visit multiple placed his eldest brother could be yet he was nowhere to be found; fruitlessly driving the greater New York City limits for hours searching and searching before he'd pulled over when the van was about to run out of gas.

Standing to wobbly legs Donnie made his way back to the front of the van, ignoring the notification beeps coming from his T-phone. He was not ready to talk to Mikey, who had left him at least a dozen messages and voicemails varying from mumbling and sobbing, begging him to come home, and asking him where Leo was. He plopped back into the driver's seat, rubbing his face with shaking hands. If he was honest with himself, he didn't want to go back to the lair - if he stayed out, his older brother's death didn't feel real. If it was up to him, he'd rather deal with this personal purgatory than go face his baby brother and father right now. He just needed time...and needed to find Leo...

Even if Leonardo didn't want to deal with the fact that Raphael was dead, he needed to at least be there for all of their sakes...

After what seemed like countless more hours of searching, Donnie had finally given up when all leads just lead to dead-ends and any possibility of places he had found had dried up much like his gas tank. If anything was certain right now, it was if Leo didn't want to be found, he wasn't going to be. The moon was high in the sky and the in the middle of the night when the genius terrapin pulled back into the lair, his heavy steps and even heavier heart making their way into the much too quiet living room. Collapsing upon the couch, he was asleep before his head even hit the cushion - his dreamless sleep a welcome reality to the hell he'd been through - it was really too bad it was only for a couple hours...


Donatello was awoken by a feather soft touch on his shoulder and a question he wasn't ready to answer.

"I'm sorry to awake you my son, but have you found Leonardo?" Splinter whispered, his voice strained and raspier than Donatello was used to hearing; removing his paw from his child's shoulder after speaking.

"N-No, Sensei." Donnie mumbled sleepily, begrudgingly pulling himself into a seating position. "I looked everywhere - I tried tracking his phone but it died a long time ago so it's no use... I-I really don't where he is, Sensei. I'm sorry."

A frustrated whisper left the rat's lips at the news but his hand reassuringly reappeared on his genius son's shoulder. "You did well, Donatello. Do not worry; he will come home in his own time. I'm certain of that..."

Donnie found his face in his hands again; the unbearable grief he'd been experiencing was taking a toll on his body and soul. It was as if he'd lost two brothers instead of one. He tried to remain strong, he really did, but he was just tired...so tired... His body shook, shoulders bobbing as big fat tears started leaking from behind his hands and dripping along his palm. The silence of his tears weren't lost on his father when arms suddenly enraptured him in warm fur and the soft fabric of his worn kimono.

The genius suddenly felt three-years old again, burying his face into his father's chest and silently sobbing. The release of tears calmed his tormented heart for awhile; the embrace and scent of his father depleting the sadness just a fraction but it was noticeable. Only moments later, Donatello reluctantly pulled away; as easy as it would be to just fall apart in his father's arms, the genius terrapin forced himself to remain strong and as calm as was possible in this ever increasingly depressing situation. Splinter's arms relinquished but the elderly rat still had a hand resting on his shoulder and that was plenty of comfort for the violet-banded terrapin for now.

The room was quiet, just the hum from a few electronics and the lights could be heard. Brown eyes glanced upon the lair; taking in small articles of Raphael's left behind; a tattered red pillow, a crumpled magazine, and an empty can of his favorite soda deposited near the base of the couch. He'd left them there that night thinking after patrol he'd be back to clean them up...but that never happened... Along with his discarded items, the rest of them were left behind to pick up the pieces his death brought upon all of their lives. The grief was nearly unbearable, leaving his chest and soul feeling scraped and raw yet Donnie fought the urge to cry again. If Leo wasn't going to be here to be the strong one and Raphael was gone, Donnie had an obligation as the next eldest son to do so...and oh, how wrong it all felt...

"I-I just...what are we going to do, Sensei?" Donnie finally spoke, his voice sounding like a foghorn in the much too quiet lair.

Splinter took a quick glance back at the rooms making sure Mikey was still asleep and once he was satisfied that his youngest was indeed still sleeping, he answered, "Take it one day at a time, my son. That is all we can do," wiping at the few betraying tears that escaped.

"I mean with Raph, dad... I mean I can try and preserve his body as long as possible, but...eventually, we need to do something!" Donnie muttered, a numbness washing over him as he forced himself to discuss what they were going to do with his brother's body.

"..."

"...Dad?"

A tired sigh left the rat's mouth before he answered, "I know, Donatello...I know...but I'd rather wait until we can discuss this as a family..."

"So, we're just going to wait til Leo decides to show his face before we even think about a funeral?! I can only preserve his body for so long with the machinery I have and I can't keep going into my lab and seeing him just laying there like that, I-I can't, dad! I just can't!" Donnie screamed, wiping furiously at the tears that escaped.

"..."

"Dad?!"

"We'll give him another three days Donatello. Please - I'd rather Leo come back on his own terms...and we'll decide where and what to do with Raphael then."

"...We're really going to have to bury him in the sewers...aren't we?" Donnie asked, his stomach turning just bringing up their only viable option of laying his older brother to rest.

"...We'll do what we have to, my son..." Splinter spoke, his knees wobbling slightly as he stood to his feet. The elderly rat looked at his child; a warm paw pressed upon his shoulder before softly squeezing it in what he hoped was a comforting gesture.

"Three days..." Donnie muttered once Splinter left the room; his own anger building at his eldest brother; his leadership and guidance needed now more than ever...