Gangsters paradise part 20

Phil stopped the car outside her house and he turned the engine off. They hadn't really spoke much on the journey back to Sam's, the conversation semt to be strained with them both, it had never been like this before. He was just starting to realise that one of his darkest secrets that he would never tell anyone, was going to be told, and for some reason because it was Sam, he felt that it would only be right if she knew the truth. She could sense there was something wrong with him, and she knew when he was trying to keep something from her, that's why they bonded so well. Sam broke the ice.

'Phil, please tell me what's wrong, I want you to be able to trust me, and I know something's not right with you, I know you too well.' Sam said, she turned to him and he looked away, almost scared to admit what was going on, he couldn't tell her, he was too ashamed. He still stayed silent.

'Phil look at me, I love you, and if you don't want to tell me now, I won't pressure you into it, but I do need to know at some point.' she said, she grabbed his hand and gave him a reassuring smile. He turned and faced her, he decided he had to tell her the truth, it was the only way he would feel better.

'I want to tell you, but I'm finding it hard, its really bad what's happened to me and I don't know if I can do it, not yet.' he said, smiling slightly, Sam looked at him worriedly, Phil picked up on this, he gave her a quick kiss and got out of the car, Sam followed him.

'look, I'm going to tell you when we get inside, but I don't want this to change things between us, I cant loose you, not now.' he said, Sam walked around the car and she stood in front of him, she held his hands and pulled him a little closer to her.

'you are not going to loose me, no matter how bad all this stuff is. It's all in the past now Phil, and I know you have changed a lot from what you were like when I first met you.' she said smiling.

'before I tell you anymore I think we should talk about this inside don't you?' he said, Sam just nodded and got her keys out of her bag, she walked up to the door and Phil stood right behind her so she could feel his warm breath softly blowing on her hair, she let them both into her house and turned the lights on. She took her jacket off, and slung it over the kitchen chair, Phil walked off towards the living room.

'I've got some wine in the fridge if you want some?' she asked, he poked his head out of the living room door, he smiled at her before replying.

'haven't you got something a little stronger?' he asked grinning. Sam smiled back, she got some glasses out of the cupboard and put them on the table before she answered.

'umm, yeah, theirs some whisky or vodka in the living room cupboard.' she said, she hoped he wasn't planning on getting drunk. He wondered over to the cupboard and got the bottle of whisky out straight away, he walked back into the kitchen where Sam was and picked up the glass on the table, he sat down on the chair, he poured himself some and downed it, the strong taste made him shudder, he then poured another, Sam watched him in shock, she just stood and watched, waiting for him to go to far so she could stop him. He then poured his third glass, just as he was about to down it he saw Sam watching him, he stopped, he then got out of the chair and poured it down the sink, she smiled, he smiled back, he then started to get nervous again as he thought about what he was going to have to say to her. Sam noticed this and put her arms around him, he felt safe, like no-one could ever hurt him again. Sam took his hand and lead him into the living room, she sat him down and he just looked at the clock, hoping that the time would just tick away and it would all have been a dream. Sam looked into his eyes and could see his pain, she started to talk to him softly, trying to get him to open up to her, he came back to reality, he had to tell her now, otherwise he never would.

'what…..I'm going to tell you, well, its really bad stuff, and I don't know how you are going to react to it…. it could wreck everything and I don't want that to happen' he said nervously, he was starting to sweat, he had never had to think about all this until his dad showed up, and now it was all coming back to haunt him. Steve didn't even know the truth, not even his own mother knew about it, so this was a big step for him, he just hoped Sam would understand and wouldn't turn her back on him.

'just tell me Phil, I cant help you if I don't know can I?' she said smiling, Phil smiled back and started to talk, this was it he thought, he was finally going to tell the person he loved the most, his deepest, darkest secret……