Hurt - Chapter 13
Rated: T
Preparations
Chapter Summary: The funeral at Northampton draws nearer and many preparations are underway...but where is Leonardo?
This chapter got a bit out of hand with the length, but wanted to catch each character up to one point in time and this was the easiest way to do it.
"Dad?" Donnie asked the second Splinter closed the lab door behind him.
Brown eyes looked to his left where his son, Donatello, was standing; the mutated rat didn't question how long the genius had been waiting for him to reemerge, deciding to answer him instead.
"Yes, son?" Splinter replied, wiping any residual moisture from his cheeks and eyes.
"Why was April and Kirby here?" Donnie asked, brow ridges heavily furrowed as he looked up at his father.
"...Is Michelangelo still asleep?" Splinter responded with another question.
"No. He woke up a few minutes ago but I got him to watch some television."
"Hmm...Then let's go discuss this with him, shall we?" Splinter said, gesturing to the living room with an extended paw.
Donatello didn't answer, instead following wordlessly after his Sensei.
Splinter sat on the couch next to Mikey, who had gathered up Raphael's pillow and blanket, cradling the items to his chest; teary blue eyes looking toward the bright flashing lights of the television at what used to be his favorite show but his response to it was akin to staring at a brick wall. The mutated rat immediately began caressing his youngest child's shell; the strokes soothing and gentle as he allowed Mikey to curl closer to him until his head came to rest upon his chest.
Donatello took a seat next to this father, muting the television before all attention went to their Sensei.
"To answer your previous question, Donatello, Mr. Kirby and Miss April came here to give us an incredibly generous gift."
Donnie looked confused at the news while Mikey's eyes actually showed a flash of emotion they hadn't seen in days.
"A gift, dad?" Donnie muttered, hands wringing in his lap; a nervous habit that was slowly getting out of his control by how chaffed his hands were becoming.
"Yes, my sons. It appears as if we have a place to bury Raphael now. Mr. O'N- Kirby graciously gave us a farmhouse and piece of land he has a few hours away from here. It's secluded and beautiful from what he told me; I think it would be a perfect place to...l-lay him to rest."
"Wait...H-He just gave it to you?" Donnie asked, brow ridges heavily furrowed and confusion lacing his bloodshot brown eyes.
"Yes, Donatello." Splinter replied, placing a comforting hand on his genius son's shoulder.
"Where's it at?" Mikey asked, his voice small and raspy from disuse.
"He called it Northampton; the address is in the deed he gave me but from what I know of the area, it's fairly deep in the forest and mountains north of here. I think it would be the p-perfect place for Raphael." Splinter replied, hating how his voice cracked at the last part of the sentence.
"Yeah..." Mikey muttered, burrowing his face into his father's chest. "I think he'd like it..."
A sigh of relief left Donnie's lips at the news, his eyes roving to a place off in the distance. It was as if a physical burden had been lifted from his shoulders but there was still one lingering doubt echoing in the back of his mind. There were so many questions he wanted to ask his father but did not want to in front of Mikey.
The trio grew quiet at the news, an almost comforting silence. The youngest turtle curled closer to his dad, blue eyes closing of their own accord as he rested against Splinter; the elderly rat immediately moving to caress the terrapin's head, his fingers playing with the small ends of the orange mask.
Within moments, Mikey had fallen asleep on his father's chest and Donatello knew now was as good time as any.
"What are we gonna do about Leo, dad?" Donnie whispered, trying to meet his father's eyes but they were locked on the small turtle curled into him. "What if he doesn't come back before we leave?
"We'll give him another day or two, Donatello, but I do know we need to leave as soon as possible so if it comes to it, we'll just have to go without him. It's not something I want to do but it has to be done if need be." Splinter answered calmly, nails softly skirting over the back of Mikey's head. "D-Do you think that time is enough for you to build a sufficient system in the Shellraiser for which to transfer him there?" Splinter asked, his teary eyes finally meeting the brown of his genius child.
"Y-Yeah. That should be enough time."
Splinter nodded in reply before his eyes fell to Michelangelo once again. "Good. I shall watch Michelangelo if you'd like to get started on that. We'll leave at sunset two days from now...hopefully Leo will be back before we go..."
"I hope so too." Donnie sighed, standing to his feet and heading to the lab to begin construction on the containment unit when his father's voice stopped him.
"Donatello?"
"Yes, Sensei?" said terrapin asked, turning back to where his father sat.
"Would you be so kind as to go to Miss April's apartment to inform her of our plans? I'm sure her and her father would like to know when we plan to leave...and to invite them to join us of course."
"Hai, Sensei." Donatello replied, giving his father a quick bow before changing his direction toward the turnstiles.
April aimlessly surfed the internet; her laptop whirring quietly in her lap and the heat from the fan caressing her bare legs. It's been her only sanity since she returned with her father from the lair tonight; getting her mind focused on anything but the grief that was still wedged like a hot boulder in her gut.
A sudden knocking on her window had her nearly jumping out of her skin.
Everything inside of her screamed and prayed for it to be Raphael standing outside. So many times he'd visited just like before etched into her mind like a demented record. Seeing him knocking and giving her a look of disdain that she'd overslept and missed morning training. Or he'd sneak over at night to bother her while she tried to do homework, pulling her away from an important assignment to beat her in a round of Mario Kart or Grand Theft Auto. Raiding her fridge and finding her secret stash of chocolate in her dresser when she was too enthralled in a movie to notice; those memories had fresh tears stinging the back of her eyes when she met Donnie's brown eyes instead of Raphael's green.
April moved to unlock it with her heart heavy and a lump rising in her throat.
"Hey." Donnie muttered softly after she'd opened it; he made no move to go inside.
"Hey..." she replied, wishing she had a chance to change her clothes before allowing the cool night air to seep into her room.
"We're leaving to Northampton on Friday night. I...I just wanted you to know so you can come with us - your dad is welcome to join us of course - you know, if he wants." Donnie said, looking more uncomfortable than she'd ever seen him before.
Pulling unconsciously at her tattered pink shorts, April just nodded, wiping at a tear that escaped when reality of her friend's death rose again to the forefront of her mind. "Yeah. We'll meet you at the lair; my dad probably wants to drive separate so I'll be going with him. You guys can follow us there; it'd be easier to find it that way." she replied nasally.
"Sounds good. Okay...um...did you talk to Casey?" Donnie asked and April's heart lurched in her chest; recalling his screams and his accusations at her before leaving the lair sobbing. She hadn't heard or seen from him since that dreaded moment.
"I told him what happened...but I haven't seen him since. Have you?" she asked desperately hoping the genius had reached out to him in her selfish inaction.
"No, but um, I think it's best we tell him. I just haven't been able to since...well, ya know..." Donnie tapered off and the implications of what he'd been having to deal with was akin to hell on earth and April could easily see it in his face.
"I'll call him." she offered quickly.
"Thanks." Donnie replied, his eyes kept looking over his shoulder and he appeared as if he was ready to bolt at any second.
"...Did Leo ever come back?" April asked and how the genius's face fell and his refusal to meet her eyes, April didn't need a verbal answer.
The air grew quiet around them and the redhead's chest felt as if it would burst. The comfortableness she normally felt around Donatello had extinguished nearly overnight. It wasn't the hatred and anger reeking off of Leonardo in visceral waves, but Donnie was cold to her now. The selfishness she felt at the thought was overwhelming; he had just lost his brother and had to hold up his family when Leonardo disappeared. She should be grateful any of them even spoke to her at all.
"Well, um, I-I better go." Donnie said suddenly, breaking April out of her thoughts.
"Okay. I'll call Casey." she answered easily, the tension was so dense you could cut it with a knife and she'd do anything to dissipate it if she had the power to.
Donnie didn't reply, just nodding quickly at her before taking back off into the pitch black night.
Ring...
Ring...
Ri -
"H'lo?" a raspy voice answered and it was obvious they'd been crying for days it seemed.
"Hey, Casey..." April replied, holding her cell phone close to her ear to pick up his barely audible voice with the wind echoing on his end of the line.
"...hey, Red..." he muttered in reply and April fought the urge not to cry at the utter despair etched into his normally laid back voice.
Casey wiped at his tears with his sleeve, sniffing a bit after most the wetness was wiped away. He heard her soft breathing over the line and knew she had not hung up. The quietness was viable and painful for all the things left unsaid between him since their last interaction. Casey sat atop a rooftop him and Raph had spent a lot of time; he'd barely been anywhere else since he learned of his best friend's demise. So many times wanting to walk off the edge just to put an end to the pain that encased his heart in death's vice grip. The loss of his best friend and brother was by far the worst pain he'd ever dealt with; the only thing keeping from ending it was knowing Raph would never want that...
Almost even being able to hear his raspy voice saying, "Don't do it, asshole! Ya hear me, moron!? Don't you DARE!"
It almost caused Casey to smile...almost.
"We're having a f-funeral on Friday..." April whispered and Casey's heart splintered in his chest at her words. Being away from everything almost made it easy enough to deny the reality of his loss but hearing her saying something he never cared to hear ripped it out of him. Casey didn't answer for long while when she spoke again.
"Case?"
"Yeah...I heard ya..."
"You want to go, right?" she asked, her voice more nasally than he ever recalled it being.
"...I dunno...it already hurts enough without havin' ta see him like that..." Casey nasally replied, wiping frantically at the hot tears that escaped from his chocolate brown eyes.
April grew quiet at his words, most likely in shock at hearing such raw emotion leeching off the normal happy-go-lucky vigilante. "I'm sorry, Casey...I never should have told you like that..." April whimpered just seconds later, deep sobs echoing through his line.
"Nah..." he answered her after a moment. Sniffing a bit before continuing his thought, "I think ya tellin' me was a million times better than seein' him just layin' there not movin' or nothin'...I don't think I coulda took that...At least I can remember him when he was alive more easy; I'd rather remember him like that... Aw, fuck, Ape, I still can't believe he's really gone..." he sobbed, his voice breaking at the last statement.
"Me either..." April whispered, sniveling a bit. "None of it feels real at all yet..."
Casey just sighed at her answer, the pain etching its way in his chest at the thought of never seeing his best friend again. "Yeah...I'm still just holdin' out hope that it's all just a nightmare and I haven't woke up yet."
"You and me both..." she whispered before another silence invaded them; both lost in their own thoughts before April spoke again minutes later.
"...So, are you going?" she asked, her words almost getting lost on the wind.
"I dunno...but give me the address just in case." he muttered and April pretended his answer didn't hurt.
"Kay." she replied, reading him off the address and him just muttering consent that he heard and wrote it down on the other end of the line.
"Thanks." he sighed, wiping away some more tears that were chilled upon his face with the wind. Another silence enveloped them as his eyes looked across the city. "Night, Red." Casey said after a moment, allowing her to respond similarly to the sentiment before he hung up the phone and placed it next to him. His eyes flickered to the busy street below, another urge to just jump off and end the torturous pain his heart was in but knew it wasn't and never would be the answer...
"Dammit, Raph...I miss ya, buddy..." he said as if the red-banded terrapin could hear him; brown eyes looking to the sky above. The stars twinkling overhead as he buried his face in his hands and sobs leaking from his tortured throat.
Upon returning to an all too quiet lair, the genius terrapin donned a winter coat before heading straight to the lab to begin his work; the freezer like state called for needed layers if there were plans to stay there for an extended period of time.
Donnie walked over to his brother's body, his tape measure in shaky hands as he measured Raphael from head to toe, gathering the dimensions needed for the containment freezer they'd have to put him in the Shellraiser for the couple hour drive. Donnie was numb and methodical as he worked; hating how his heart lurched with each and every measurement he took of Raphael's cold, still body. Wiping angrily at tears that escaped, he jotted down numbers into a small pad until he got all the information he needed.
Quickly covering his brother back up with the white sheet, he walked over to his desk and began gathering the items he'd need to begin this installation. Heavy sobs rose to his throat at too many memories that rose to his mind at the worst times. Not finding in him to work at all right now, Donnie left the lab and threw his coat near the door of his lab. Deep breaths filling and exiting his lungs all in dire hopes to calm his frantic heartbeat, he headed to the kitchen to make him another pot of coffee for the long night ahead and hopefully for the caffeine to still his fraying nerves.
As he walked passed the threshold, he stopped, on the wooden doorway were small black tick marks etched into the wood. Each little mark bearing an initial and number next to it. Shaky olive green finger reached out and ghosted over the tallest one he found with a blocky written 'R' and the number 7 written next to it. It was the last time Raphael had allowed Sensei to measure him for that was the same year himself and Leonardo began outgrowing the other two brothers. Raphael had always detested being short (even though Mikey was shorter still). Donnie had always felt Raph hated him for outgrowing him, for he wasn't really his 'little' brother anymore after that.
At least he believed that's how Raphael felt...
Over the coming years, Raph kinda pulled in on himself, Leo becoming leader, Donnie's vast intellect creating a comfortable lair, and Mikey's flamboyant personality and charisma making him stand out from the rest. Donnie noticed Raphael's self-esteem issues early on but it was age seven in particular that hit him hard. For Raphael shot up quick as a child, the peak of his height slowing at a very young age til his oldest and second youngest brother eventually outgrew him by numerous inches.
Raphael felt like a black sheep for awhile after that, training non-stop, becoming the strongest of the group in order to have his own identity, his brash, almost rude personality honed in order to stand out from them in his own way it seemed. Donnie always wondered if that's how Raphael coped with what life handed him. How something as innocuous as height being such a major issue to the seemingly overly-confident Raphael to the outside world; while inside, the red-banded terrapin was anything but. Insecurities over things that no one would notice or care about (not counting that exercise where Splinter had them insulting Raphael to get him to learn and control his anger); Raphael always seemed to be targeted most; acting out in a way to gain attention even if it was negative.
While him and Raphael had never been particularly close siblings, Donnie still looked up to him even if he never told him otherwise. There was just something about how his hotheaded brother carried himself as he got older that made him appear to be the most confident guy in the world. Never letting anyone in to see exactly what was underneath the surface. The embodied definition of bad-boy was a trait that Donatello could never acquire and one that Raphael appeared to grasp too easily.
As his fingers softly ran over the mark over and over again, he didn't notice the wet trails of tears leaking from his eyes. There was a profound emptiness in his heart now; a viable missing piece in his life that would never be recovered. His big brother was gone; a light that was boisterous and sarcastic, teasing him and goading him like older brothers are supposed to. Recalling Raph's protectiveness and always watching their backs; it was now it dawned on him how much Raphael really loved them all without saying it.
It didn't shock Donnie that Raphael died saving someone's life...because that death fit him so well. Raph probably wouldn't want to go any other way...
It broke something precious from his chest to recognize just how much he already missed him; wishing more than anything for the sheer opportunity just to see him again. For the chance to talk to him...if only one last time. Donnie always prided himself on being able to do the seemingly impossible for he'd done it many times yet this was one thing he couldn't. He couldn't save him; couldn't restart his heart or breath...couldn't hope to restore the piece of their heart they lost that day...
Yet, Donnie silently recalled the happy memories; the playful noogies and times he'd visit him in the lab on occasion if nothing more than just to ask him a favor. It broke him inside to know that's all they were now. Just mental glimpses of time that passed by and he'd never recover. Little pinpricks of time that would never be repeated or recreated. There would be no more new ones to take their place; just fading glances of someone he loved so much that wouldn't be there anymore...
"No matter what you thought, Raph...You always were and always will be my big brother..." Donnie whimpered, allowing a sad chuckle to leave his mouth as he swiped his finger over the mark again. The genius reluctantly pulled himself away from the door and heading into the kitchen, to make a pot of coffee and prepare himself for the long night to come.
Leo hadn't moved from this spot he'd stopped after Karai confronted him.
Eyes fixated on some fixed point as his hands worked tirelessly at sharpening his katanas with a smooth stone he found near the banks separating the islands. Leo's mind was a torrent of questions; of the desperate need to find answers and fulfill much needed vengeance.
He could have killed her.
Just an inch closer, he could have slit her throat and she would have fallen and bled out in minutes...but in that crucial moment; that drip of crimson down her neck had him automatically pulling back.
Flashbacks of his own brother's neck; the crusted blood around that deep horizontal slit shook him to his core and had him running without looking back.
Once he'd found a secluded area in an abandoned building away from everything is where he'd been for the past two days. Every part of his body battled with one another; one side of him regretted just not outright killing her and dumping her body in front of Shredder just to see him squirm before he ended that overgrown tin-can's life.
Another part of him shuttered at the thought; she was still Splinter's daughter, those eyes so familiar... It was this side of him that caused him to pull away even if everything else inside of him that wanted vengeance for his little brother protested this action.
The new demented side weighed in later on. Karai still had a purpose in his final retribution; she knew where Shredder was and she was his best guide to find him and give him the opportunity to end Oroku Saki's life for good. Leo embraced these thoughts as he stewed in the abandoned room; scratching the tip of his katana against the worn wooden floor to test its sharpness. A feral smirk that belonged more on his hotheaded brother rose on his face as the sword easily sliced through the grain underneath his feet like a hot knife to warm butter.
"I'm comin' for you, Shredder..." Leo's chest rumbled lowly as he stood to his wobbly legs. Looking toward a window to his left, the spider-webbed cracks cross-crossing and distorting the view outside, he peered out to his next destination. The revenge-seeking leader was out of the building before another second passed him by.
His destination in mind as he began stalking Karai...and when he found her...he'd find Shredder not far behind...
