Hurt - Chapter 18
Rated: T
Funeral
Chapter Summary: Goodbyes never get easier...especially when you never got to say one...
It was dawn when they buried him.
Kirby was certain to remain silent and mostly on the sidelines during the procession as it took place for a typical funeral it was not.
No priest or pastor reading Scripture to bring comfort of the next life and the paradise it held; there wasn't hundreds of attendees saying funny, heroic, or heart-warming stories of the decedent...There was nothing but eerie silence; the only noise was the surrounding chirping of birds or the warm breeze rustling the many leaves of nearby trees.
There were no words, just the burning of incense in front of a wrapped body upon the ground.
Silent tears shed by the only six occupants present as Splinter gingerly picked up the body; making his way over to where he began carefully laying him in the ground (his family had been up the majority of the night digging the grave). The elderly rat lowered the body, covered in a beautiful white cloth that was etched with Japanese lettering, into the earth; shovels and handfuls of dark brown earth sprinkled lovingly over the corpse of someone who died much too young.
Kirby took a deep breath of the crisp clean mountain air to try and qualm the ache that developed in his chest. He'd buried way too many people in his life and it's something you never get used to. While he was not particularly close to Raphael, it hurt knowing the young man died protecting his only child and knowing just how much he had meant to her... Kirby wished he had an opportunity to at the very least to tell him "thank you" and more means of comforting his hurting family that was left behind. He prayed desperately at least giving him this resting place and a safe haven where they could visit or live would be a small condolence to them.
He watched silently as the hole was slowly filled up to the top, the convex of fresh dirt gently being evened out by two sets of hands; both a varying shade of green. His blue eyes watched Splinter retrieve a small stone plaque near the base of the tree, carved in beautiful kanji characters and English lettering underneath, and laid it at the head of the fresh grave.
The mutant rat's eyes were dry but Kirby could easily read the intense agony lying right underneath the surface that was ready to crack. He knew that look all too well for he wore it for many years after his wife disappeared...yet Kirby could not fathom the horrendous pain of losing and having to bury a child; and he prayed to God he never did...
There was a sudden stream of words that sounded so painfully loud in the silence even if they were softly spoken. It was all in Japanese that Kirby could not understand but for the two turtles in attendance, it was obvious they did by the way they bowed their heads and the youngest allowed a few quiet sobs to escape from his lips. Blue eyes looked to his daughter, tears freely falling down her face and folded hand were frantically trembling as she listened to the deep voice of Splinter. The young man, Casey, stood near to her, his lowered eyes haunted and it was apparent he was hurting much more than he let on.
"I love you, my son... I pray you find peace, comfort, and freedom in the next life... Until we meet again..." Splinter spoke in English and Kirby's heart twisted painfully in his chest. "I'll never forget you, Raphael...and... Teng Shen, please watch over my boy until I will join you both in the next life..." he continued; the fluctuations in his voice apparent by the many times he struggled to say the words.
With a final bow toward the marked grave by all attending, Splinter guided them away from the sight.
Kirby wordlessly followed the elderly rats instructions as they made their way inside the cabin. As soon as they passed the threshold, April ran up the stairs with a loud sob and slammed her bedroom door behind her and as much as Kirby wanted to go after her, he knew it best to leave her be.
The rest of them didn't seem to be faring much better.
The youngest turtle silently removed his black tie Kirby had lent to him and placed it neatly on the coffee table; curling up on the couch and staring at the blank screen of the television all while silent tears dripped down his face without any indication of ceasing.
Splinter sat on the dining room table, face in his hands and paws shaking fiercely.
"Would you like some tea, Sensei?" Donatello asked softly, placing a firm hand upon the rat's heaving back.
"That would be wonderful, son. Thank you." he replied after a few moments of silence and Donatello went about boiling water and finding some tea leaves in the cabinets.
Kirby was tempted to ask Splinter where his eldest son was but it was apparent all of them realized his absence but none spoke about it.
"Where the hell is Leo?" the voice of Casey finally came from the doorway and Kirby froze at the words.
Splinter didn't move a muscle at the angry statement from Casey. The elderly rat lifted his face out of his hands and let out a deep breath. Donnie was glaring furiously at the lanky human and Kirby was worried there was about to be a fight on his hands when Splinter finally spoke.
"I am not sure, Casey. The only thing I can think of is that he is searching for answers that he will never find... Leonardo may be a master at many things and can easily overcome many challenges, but I fear he is struggling with Raphael's death the most."
"Bullshit! If Leo cared about Raph at all, he should have fuckin' been HERE!" Casey screamed as big fat tears trailed down his red cheeks in an angry torrent.
"..." Splinter was silent and Kirby desperately wanted to confront Casey about speaking in such away to the obviously hurting father but the young man was not finished.
"Raph is his brother- Leo needs to be here for HIM. Fuck whatever issues he's having; he's a COWARD! ...Not even bothering to show up at his own brother's funeral!?...Who does that...?!" Casey sobbed, his face falling after those words left his lips and his legs giving out from underneath him.
Within seconds, Splinter was beside the young human. "He'll be here... It may not be today or anytime soon, but I know he'll be here..."
"...Why is he doing this, Splinter? Leo's actin' like he's da only one who l-l-lost someone s-special..." the human teen sniffled, wiping away tears and snot with his jacket sleeve.
"Casey...Leonardo is struggling harder than we know; while he may seem calm on the outside, he's been dealing with things different than we are and we have to accept it. Just like my son's death. I do not want to think about it and would rather run from it, but we can't... Leonardo just doesn't understand it, but he will. He just...needs more time."
"Time for what?! To almost let his brother rot when he remained a fuckin' ass runnin' away from his problems!? Letting Mikey fall apart and leaving you, April, Mr. O'Neil, and Donnie to deal with the funeral and shit!? He's just a coward!" With those words, Casey picked himself up and ran up the stairs; the resounding slam of the door echoing throughout the old farmhouse.
Splinter stayed kneeling for a long time, his eyes remaining dry even if it appeared as if he was falling apart inside.
Donatello silently poured a cup of boiling water and as the leaves seeped and spread their flavor and color into the once clear water. After doing so, he made his way to the living room to be there for Mikey who most likely heard the entirety of that conversation.
Splinter returned to his stool and sat down; paws nursing the warm cup in his shaking hands.
The silence overwhelming, Kirby joined him. No words were said as Splinter suddenly buried his face in his hands and wept; the only comfort Kirby could give was a firm, reassuring hand on his shoulder...
It was the middle of the night when Donatello heard the door to the farm house close.
He'd been in the kitchen working on something, anything to keep his mind occupied, when he saw the silhouette of someone he hadn't seen in what may as well have been forever.
"Finally decided to show up, huh?" Donnie asked as Leonardo walked into the room and he didn't care that he sounded bitter.
Leo didn't grace him with a response, just walked into the kitchen and pulled a bottled water out of the fridge and chugged the whole thing back in one swig before chucking it into nearby trash bin. Donnie didn't care about being petty, making a show of standing up, picking out the plastic bottle from the trash and throwing it into the nearby recycling bin all before plopping back onto the seat he vacated.
"For awhile, we thought we'd have to start planning your funeral too..." Donnie spoke a few minutes later; not caring if Leo decided to answer him or not because the leader was going to listen whether he wanted to or not.
Leo still remained silent leaning upon the counter, grabbing a piece of fruit from a bowl in the center of the kitchen island. Eating it unceremoniously and staring off into the abyss as Donnie continued, "How did you manage to get here anyway?" .
"That old beat-up motorcycle in the garage." Leo grunted between bites and Donnie's hands shook and heart froze when he realized it was the same bike Raph had been working on in his spare time for almost a year. So many flashing memories of his hotheaded brother silently side-by-side with him in his lab. Some of the few times they ever spent one-on-one; handing tools back and forth and surprisingly pleasant conversations he was surprised his brother was capable of. Donnie felt the wetness of tears building but he dared not let him fall and his mouth remained shut.
There was uncomfortable silence and the only sound was Donnie's labored breathing and Leo eating as if he hadn't in a week, which wouldn't surprise the genius terrapin.
It was a full five minutes before Donnie couldn't take it anymore.
"You really screwed us up, you know that? Dad was in no condition to have to support us emotionally, but he did. He's falling apart and the least you could have done was be there for us! You're the leader, but you just left us to pick up the pieces... I had to be the strong one; holding Mikey all night as he cried and cried non-stop, over Raph, over you..."
Leo stopped mid-bite hearing that.
"We were worried sick! You could have called, could have at least sent a single text - just to tell us you were okay. I mean, FUCK, Leo." Donnie growled and the curse felt dirty on his lips but he ignored it and continued, "Raph dies and you run off without a word... We're all broken and trying to figure all this crap out and you're nowhere to be found! You could have been dead in a ditch somewhere and we wouldn't have known til it showed up in the news of them finding a body of a huge turtle somewhere... Yet, here you are all fine and dandy while we're falling apart and you have the sheer gall to not even show up to Raphael's funeral!? What kind of brother are you!?" Donatello bellowed, eyes blurry with tears and fists shaking by his sides as he stared at Leo.
Leo's face was passive and stoic, not even giving him the respect to look him in the eye as he spoke. It broke whatever sanity and respect Donnie had left for his brother.
"Heh...I know...Hmph...Do you know what you are?" Donnie mumbled angrily.
"..." Leo was completely stone silent, steel blue eyes staring off at something in the distance.
"You're no leader. You're a fucking coward!" Donatello bellowed, slapping the half-eaten apple out of his eldest brother's hand.
Within seconds, Leo was pushing Donatello to the ground with a battle cry; throwing punch after punch into any place his fists could reach.
Donnie was not to be messed with anymore. Anger he'd never experienced gave him the strength to fling the blue-banded terrapin off of him and began returning the harsh blows. The anger he never gave into before was fueling his system with energy he hadn't felt in what seemed like years. As fists met scaled skin over and over again, the thuds of them rolling around the kitchen floor were echoing loudly throughout the house and it was only a matter of moments before it was brought to a swift halt.
"YAMERO!" Splinter's angry voice rang out from the doorway, rushing in to separate his two flailing sons.
Leonardo's chest was heaving as he stood on shaky legs after being pushed off his genius brother and onto his shell before he rolled to a seated position on the cool wooden floor.
Donatello silently nursed his bleeding lip and swollen eye as he stood to shaking legs.
"Leonardo! Donatello! That's quite enough! Mikey was just finally able to fall asleep and I do not want him waking up because of you two! He's had enough trouble sleeping without you making a ruckus." Splinter demanded, his stern eyes on his two sons who were still glaring daggers at one another.
Donnie opened his mouth to say something but Splinter's hand on his shoulder halted him from doing so. His brown eyes met his fathers; a soft paw brushed along his genius son's mouth to wipe away a small trail of blood. After accessing his wounds, Splinter silently ordered him upstairs, which the purple-banded terrapin obeyed instantly but not without shooting a venomous look at his remaining older brother.
"Sensei, I -" Leonardo started but an upright hand gesture stopped whatever words were about to spill out.
"I do not wish to hear your excuses right now, my son." Splinter spoke and Leo was about to protest but the words died on his tongue when his father suddenly brought him in for a tight hug. Tears that he'd held back since Raphael died desperately wanted to fall but Leonardo didn't allow them to; ignoring this moment of comfort he rightfully didn't deserve.
"I'm glad to see that you are alright, my son." Splinter murmured into the side of his face and Leo's hands trembled when he felt small droplets of water land on his head...his father was crying...
"Sensei, I -" Leo tried speaking but one look from his father snapped his mouth shut.
"No. Not now, we will discuss this tomorrow. I think it's best you get some sleep. Come on, I will show you to your room." Splinter explained and without waiting for Leo's reply, began his silent trek up the stairs.
Leonardo wordlessly followed.
