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''-Dialogue
" "- Thoughts
The truth lies in our hearts.
Of Lies and Tears
Chapter Four
Where am I?
Darkness. A solitary prison which suffocates the human soul. There is no escape, for there is no end. Blindly, we travel through the Void of the Heart, carrying doubts and fear along our path, with nothing as a guide but our fragile soul.
Where am I?
An empty auditorium.
A chair on the center of the stage, illuminated by a solitary spotlight. And on the chair sat a Person. Head down. Alone.
What am I doing here?
It was cold inside the room. There was no comfort obtained from sitting. In fact, the chair served as a four-legged jail, a spot on which to be bound by invisible chains. No movement was allowed. And the person obeyed.
I'm afraid.
An image of a crying boy flashed. A bag lay besides him. He stood alone in the sidewalk, tears flowing from his eyes. No one wanted him. No one cared for him.
I don't want to be alone. It hurts.
No one can understand you. Humans seem to have this hope that one day they will fully comprehend each other. But they can never do it. Not entirely. Not enough.
Is it true?
The Person on the chair shuddered. His eyes were closed.
Is it true?
The chair moved back and forth. It was getting closer to the edge. Creeeekkk. Creeekkk. And then, it fell…
Shinji woke up. Cold sweat ran down his body, his eyes were frantic, his breathing coming through ragged huffs.
"What happened?"
The boy looked around.
He was inside a small tent. Light came through its thin walls, and the soft sound of crashing waves could be heard.
"It was just a nightmare…"
He put his hands on his face and let out a long sigh. 'I need to get some air…' As Shinji left the tent, he noticed that the sun had already risen, a bright yellow orb that illuminated the ruins of Tokyo-3. A soft breeze blew across the beach, a silent hush flowing along its course. Grains of sand danced along with it, mixing with the foams of the waves that crashed into the shore. Nothing was ever constant, it all played in a volatile rhytm, a constant change throughout time.
Nothing lasts forever…
The boy sat on the sand. He looked towards the horizon, the infimal borderline between sky and land. It looked so unreal. The more he focused on it, the less distinct it became. As if by searching for a limit, all he could find was another expanse.
What is a dream?
It's an extension of reality.
Shinji closed his eyes. It was all so silent. He could still hear the waves shocking against the beach, but somehow it had all been buffed. As if someone had decided to turn the volume down. The sand beneath his hands, he couldn't feel it anymore. As if his soul was detaching itself from the body.
"I've felt this already…During Instrumentality. Does it mean, it's not over…?"
The boy opened his eyes. But he couldn't see.
He was inside the Void again, only that now, it wasn't a dellusion of his mind. He was once again trapped in that empty, dark world, with only a spotlight illuminating a circle around his feet. He didn't like it.
'Hey, let me outta here. Asuka, Misato-san, Ayanami…help me! Let me go! I don't want to be here anymore…'
Why won't you stay?
'Because I don't want to!'
Don't you want to be perfect?
'No.'
How come?
'I can be happy even without being perfect!'
Then…are you happy?
'No…I mean, yes! I'm happy living in this world. I'm happy to feel life…to feel alive.'
Is this your choice? To live with the possibility of being hurt?
'Yes.'
I see…
A drop fell to the surface. Small ripples of light started to form, breaking apart the jail of darkness that imprisoned the boy.
And Shinji woke up again. Lying on the sand, hearing the light sound of crashing waves, bathing himself in the warmth of the morning sun. An air of peace hung on the air, and peaceful silence hushed all woes. Yes, he felt content. But…he was blind again.
'What the...' He stretched his arms forwards, trying to understand the reason why everything seemed so dark. Then he heard a stiffled giggle. 'Asuka...' He smiled.
Her hands were over Shinji's eyes, blocking his view. Barely supressed laughter came out of the girl's mouth as she saw his helpless struggle to get free from her grasp.
'Guess who, Shinji?' Asuka grinned, as she let go of the boy.
Shinji smiled sheepishly as he gazed at Asuka, dressed in a dazing yellow sundress, performing little pirouettes as a sign of her victory. How could he ever doubt of his happiness?
'Hey, Asuka. Where'd you get those clothes?'
'Oh, these?' she looked at her dress. 'Well, while you baka was sleeping like the lazy dumkopf you are, I decided that I, the Great Asuka Langley Sohryu, deserved bettter vestments. Then I went to the city to find some clothes. It wasn't that hard, you know. If you have some brains, that is...' and she laughed merrily.
Shinji sighed. "There she goes again." He shifted his gaze to the destroyed city, with its topless skyscrapes and empty streets. There was nothing to see but desolation, a mourning to the former glory of humanity's last refuge.The streets were empty, and a foreboding silence shrouded Tokyo-3. The boy shuddered "It's scary."
But then he looked at their current settlement, a precarious tent which barely fitted them both, without bathroom, nor kitchen, or any other modern comfort. "I guess it would be more comfortable if we moved to the city..."
'Hey, Asuka. Don't you think it would be better if we moved outta here?'
'You only realized that now, baka? Mein Gott, you're slow...' Asuka was already way ahead, her hands behind the neck, humming a soft tune. The sun bathed her skin in gold, her dress billowing softly with the breeze. Shinji looked at her longingly as she moved away and only one thought crossed his mind at that moment. "She's beautiful..."
And he smiled.
'Hoy, Shinji! Are you going to walk with me or not?' Asuka shouted.
'Coming...!' The boy ran up to her, soon falling to a steady pace by her side.
The two of them walked down the path in comfortable silence. Even though all of their surroundings were just ruins, little did it matter to them. All of their concerns, their minds, their hearts were focused on the warm feeling of having a person by their side.
It is only with each other that we can fill the holes in our hearts.
Asuka peeked at Shinji. The boy was staring straight ahead, his dark blue eyes clouded in thoughts. "He looks so serious...His eyes have changed. Maybe he saw too much..." She walked closer to him. The boy didn't notice. Then she held his hand, entwining her fingers with his own. And he looked at her.
Time stopped. For one single moment, two souls lost themselves to each other's presence.
Words were not spoken. Breaths were not taken. Nothing, absolutely nothing, but two existences filling each other. There was no road to travel on, no world to live in. Only hearts and emotions mingling into one. They craved for each other. They needed each other. And, if only for a moment, the two of them felt complete...
But that instant passed, and the world retook its course. Asuka and Shinji continued their path towards the city, hands tightly knit to each other. The sun was setting in the horizon. The sky turned into a beautiful red, as tiny stars began to appear. They looked up.
'It's so pretty...'Asuka whispered, as she lay her head over his shoulder.
'I know' Shinji murmured. He leaned closer to her. 'I know...'
Live without remorse, love without regret.-Shogunate
A/N:
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