Disclaimer: I own nothing. Spare me.

""- Thoughts

' ' - Dialogue

There is no life without dreams – Graffiti on a wall


Of Lies and Tears

Chapter 5

Blue reflections on the water. Everything seems so indinstinct, undefinable, as if this realm of reality was a mystery by itself. There are no boundaries, nor limits...it is a dream.

A face. A young girl with blue hair and crinsom eyes gazed at the farthering Earth. Her eyes, once so indifferent, now were filled with longing to a lost happiness.

What do you hope for?

Acceptance.

Where will you find it?

Not here. In order for acceptance to exist, a relationship is necessary. There is no one else here except me. No union can be made, thus I can't be happy.

Who will you unite with?

Ikari-kun.

Are you sure?

Yes. Only in him could I find someone who honestly cared for me. He tried to help me whenever I were in trouble. By his side, I don't feel worthless. By his side, I have a purpose.

And what is it?

To stay with him forever.

Is this your choice?

Yes.

So be it...


It's a small, dark room. A soothing silence hangs over the air, disrupted occasionally by the soft snores of two children lying in each other's arms. Sunlight shyly peeps in through a gap in the window, creating a strip of brightness across the floor. It is somehow comforting, this place. It feels as if...it were home.

'Home...' Asuka whispered. 'I feel at home.' She glanced at Shinji, whose face was few inches from hers, a small smile playing on his lips. He looked so calm, so happy...

Asuka smiled. She felt so content, that she could barely recognize herself.

"Where is the red-headed demon who terrorized everyone?" She sighed. "I don't need that mask anymore...I have Shinji." The boy still rested in peaceful slumber. "It's really strange how I never noticed it before...Maybe I did, it was just that...

I didn't want to notice it..."

"Always calling him baka, ironizing him, ordering him around. I was never kind to him. He saved my life many times, but never did I thank him. I pushed him away from me. I was blind..." She moved closer to the boy. "But not anymore. I won't be lonely again. Not again."

She pushed Shinji back and forth, trying to wake him up. Her stomach was growling in complaint, and the boy, in her opinion, had already slept enough.

'Hey, Shinji. Wake up.' The boy merely groaned in response, his eys still tightly shut, his face twisting into a frown at the annoying disturbance to his peace.

'Let me sleep...'

'No, baka. I'm hungry. Wake up.' Asuka continued her attempts to awake the lazy boy, who, at a last attempt to shield himself, pulled the blankets over his head.

'Okay. You asked for it. Wake up, now!' She pulled the blankets off. What she didn't expect was the quick response of Shinji, who mantained a firm grip over his last refuge. Trapped in a fierce tug-o-war, the two children struggled to gain supremacy over one another.

But Shinji, it seemed, had his hidden force to rely on. With a last effort, he succeeded to pull the blankets towards him.What he didn't think of, though, was the red-headed girl who was at the other side of the blanket. Caught by surprise, Asuka lost her balance and fell towards the floor. Shutting her eyes, she waited for the inevitable collision.

But instead, she landed on something strangely soft.

"What the...?" She opened her eyes.

Shinji's face was inches apart from hers, his lips parted slightly in shock. Asuka had fallen on top of him, her body pressed firmly against the boy's.

A moment of silence.

They were blushing furiously, embarassed as to their current position. But somehow their brains had stopped functioning, muscles stopped obeying, and the two of them found themselves unable to move apart. The only movement was the steady rise and fall of their chests, as ragged breaths escaped from their mouths.

The thin fabric that covered their bodies was not enough to prevent their warmth to mingle with one another. The proximity was intoxicating. The feeling of body against body, soul against soul, slowly hazed their minds, enveloping the two children in a shroud of unspoken longing.

Their eyes met.

Asuka lowered her head to the boy. "What am I doing..?" The distance grew shorter, their lips were almost touching. She could feel his breath waft over her face, leaving a tingling sensation wherever it touched. Unconsciously, she leaned her mouth against his. And she kissed him.

Another moment of silence.

Shinji was in shock. All coherent thoughts died when he felt her soft lips press against his own. Asuka was kissing him.

"What's she doing!" A suffocating warmth swelled in his chest. And it felt so wrong, yet so sublime. As if sin had its divine seduction, tainting forever the childish innocence the two of them had possessed. This was no kiss. It was desire.

Asuka deepened the kiss, pulling his neck towards her, desperate for his lips, his touch. The boy, overwhelmed by her crave, responded with equal force to her hungry mouth. And they devoured each other, consuming their last breaths and sighs to the bond between their lips, abandoning their souls and hearts for the intensity of the moment. It was an instant, it was eternity. It was sin, yet it was heaven.

Who are we to try to define the world?

The two children separated. Gasping for precious oxygen, panting lightly, they lay on the floor. Silent.

Shinji touched his swollen lips. "What was that...?" His mind was still reeling, his heart thundering in his ears. "What am I supposed to do now? Do I say something? I don't know..." He looked at the girl besides him.

Asuka touched her swollen lips. "What did I do now...?" Her heart was pumping painfully in her chest, her mind still dazed with what had happened. "Was it wrong to do it...? I don't know...But it just felt... so right..." She looked at the boy besides her.

Their eyes met again, but they swiftly looked away. An awkward silence settled.

"That's embarassing..." both of them thought.

"What do I feel for him?"

"What do I feel for her?"

Shinji gulped. He couldn't bear it anymore, this constricting uncertainty that filled the room. He needed to escape from it. He needed to run away again...

'A-asuka...I-i'm going out for a walk, okay..?' The boy stood up. As he was leaving the room, though, he thought he heard a sob. Not wanting to bear the weight of his choice, Shinji ran. He ran as far away as he could from the girl which so utterly confused him. He didn't want to hurt himself. He didn't want to hurt her. But the truth is, the damage was already done.

Silent tears flowed from the girl's eyes, muffled sobs escaping from her throat. It was dark inside the room. 'Oh God, what did I do...?' Asuka sat down against the wall, closing her eyes tightly as she hugged her knees. 'Mein Gott, it hurts...it hurts...so much.' And she cried.


Shinji was scared. Scared of what he had felt during the kiss, of what he had shared with Asuka. Those few minutes during which their lips touched were yet more intense than every moment of his life put together. And this fact scared him.

'What am I supposed to do, now? Go back to her...and do what?' He kicked a peeble on the road. It was midday and the Sun shone brightly, but little did it help to lift the spirits of the boy. He kicked another peeble. 'It's so damn confusing. I don't know what to do...'

'I promised her I'd stay by her side. I promised her. Why is it always so hard to keep it...?'

The soft sound of crashing waves reached his ears. There he was. The place where everything had ended. The place where everything had begun. The beach.

Shinji sat on the sand. The breeze was blowing gently against his face and the sand felt comfortable beneath. He sat there, doing absolutely nothing except staring off at the distant sea. "If everything were so simple..."

But then, something caught his attention. It was a body, floating over the LCL sea, approaching the shore. Cerulean hair, albino skin. It looked strangely familiar...

Shinji ran towards it, diving into the sea to retrieve the corpse. But then, when he had carried it to the beach and lay it on the sand, he saw two crinsom eyes staring back at him. The girl was breathing.

'Ayanami...?'

What does the future hold for us? Who will ever know?

A/N: Phew, finally updated. It's been a rather busy week, with school off, watching the World Cup in Brazil...really difficult. Anyways...read it, enjoy it or hate it, and please tell me what you think.