Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion. How many times do I have to say this?

" " Thoughts

' ' Dialogue

Of Lies and Tears


Chapter 5

And it would seem that life is but a dream that fades away before we can even grasp it…

'Ikari-kun…'

It would be a rather strange sight. A naked albino girl lying on the sand, a boy sitting by her side, watching silently as the red waves crashed onto the shore. All was quiet, and the wind blew, the soft crashing of the waves entwined in a peaceful sonet for the two Children.

Rei looked at Shinji. The boy seemed unusually quiet, a frown across his face denounced some kind of worry. A long time had passed since she had returned from the Egg, yet he had yet to say a word to her. It seemed strange indeed.

For before she would be indifferent towards others, the cold Child with no emotions. Yet now, she longed for some kind of gesture, anything, anything, from Shinji. The boy who had opened her heart. Who taught her love. Lost in such epiphany, Rei did not notice the blush that seemed to get increasingly redder as he stole a peek towards her uncovered body.

It was becoming rather uncomfortable. Neither of them dared to break the awkward silence that had settled. Rei glanced at Shinji, their eyes met, but both of them quickly looked away. If such thing were to continue for the rest of the day, it would be a rather fruitless waste of time. Thus, Rei decided to take the first step, softly asking:

'Ikari-kun.'

'Huh? What is it, Ayanami?'

'Why are you so quiet? Are you not pleased that I have come?'

Shinji looked away. "I guess she's right. I should be happy that she has come. But…" he looked towards Rei.

'It's not that, Ayanami. I'm glad you have come back, it's just that…'

Shinji was lost for words. She was gazing at him, her crinsom eyes reflecting the sun of the afternoon sky. Losing himself in the hue of her eyes, he remembered the first time he saw her.

She had felt so cold. Whimpering in pain, white bandages covering her body, bloodstains, being ordered by his bastard father to get inside Eva and fight the Angel. It had seemed so ridiculously unfair, and for the first time in his life, he had made a decision: he wouldn't let that girl be hurt by anyone. He would fight in her place, fight for her.


Protect those you cherish.

And it seemed so natural, as if an instinctive part of his soul had demanded him to act so. It felt…as if he had seen her somewhere before.

And for the first time, in his entire, pathetic life, he protected someone. Shinji protected Rei.

And she protected him. Against Ramiel, putting herself in front of his Eva, taking the murdering shot in his place. Listening to him in dreams, when he was lost in his doubts. When the world seemed to turn against him, she would appear and comfort him, in her own Rei-ish sort of way.

She would be cold, but at the same time comforting. As if the frozen expression she held was some angelic trait, a grace bestowed to a heart so pure, so innocent, that even though abrased by all the harshnesses of humanity, could retain its divinity, its unique beauty.

Shinji would often be dazzled by such a rare sight, an angel who fell from heaven, who did not fit into the mundane world but that nevertheless resigned to her fate. She had come to assist him.

But now, he felt confused as to his feelings towards her. And Asuka.

"Oh my God…I left her. And she was crying…"

Shinji felt a hand covering his own. He looked at Rei, who was silently gazing at him, her eyes filled with an emotion so devastatingly strong that he felt his heart swell painfully in his chest. It was longing and hurt, hurt for not receiving the affection she had missed so, the caring that he had so many times given to her.

There she had come, returning from the nothingness of Instrumentality, abandoning the perfection which was granted to her, just to meet him. "And what have I done?"

A feeling of guilt slowly creeped its way to his heart. She seemed so desolate, so desperate for his love. He had been a coward his entire life, if only he could break away from his previous fright, he could…

"Ayanami."

Shinji moved closer to Rei, feeling evermore accutely the blazing blush in his cheeks, as her exposed womanly figure rejoiced his eyes. Awkwardly, he settled right besides her, and closing his eyes, basked in the comforting feeling of Rei's presence.

There was silence between them. Both teens gazed to the neverending sea, melting in the glow of the setting sun. In such a magnificently short moment, it seemed to them that life would be better if they could only stay at that place, at that time, for eternity…


Asuka sat alone in the room. "Why won't he come back…? Shinji…"

Hours had passed since Shinji had left her, night was nigh, and the moonlight trespassed the curtains to set an eerily glow on Asuka's face. She was a mess.

Her face was stained with tears, her eyes, her beautiful azure eyes, were so swollen from crying that she could not bear the pain of opening them anymore…They were dry, dry as her soul, as her lips which craved for a love that never came.

Asuka was yet again alone. She had trusted him. She had given herself to him.

And what had he done? Abandoned her, rejected her, hurt her like so many others before. "He was no better. That baka, I hate him! I hate him! I hate him!"

She punched the wall with all her might, but her body would not sustain such an effort. She hurt her delicate hands, leaving bruises and marks on them. Scars, scars in her hand. In her heart. She collapsed to the floor, exhausted.

A pathetic heap of body, shaking as agonizing sobs escaped from her throat. She touched her face. How rough had it become?

Who was to blame? Who was it to blame?

Shinji.

Shinji…

How could someone bring so much bliss and so much suffering upon her?

If only she could go back into time and stop herself from loving him, that stupid, good-for-nothing Shinji, perhaps she wouldn't have to go through such unbearable pain…


A soul which loves and suffers finds itself in sublime state…

It was true…she loved him, and there was no reason for it.

"I don't know how could I fall in love for that baka. When did I ever need him? Why would I ever need him?

He is a coward, a wimp…but there is something more, beneath that apathetic shell in which he hides. That smile. Those eyes which looked
at me so kindly…"

Asuka laughed, but it was not mirthful, rather a terrifying, coarse laughter which reverberated in the dark room.

"I hate him, but I love him…Shit, I'm really messed up."

Carpe Diem…Life is short, live to the fullest.

A/N: I'm terribly sorry for not updating for such a long time. I had lost my inspiration, but, then again, you never know when you feel like writing. So…hate me if you want, love me if you wish so, and please review. They do make me happy.