Hurt - Chapter 25
Rated: T
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Chapter Summary: Mikey's love transcends death and it break's April's heart…
Summer was quickly coming to a close; the days becoming shorter and nights noticeably colder. A time she usually loved and cherished this time of year at Northampton. As a child, it meant autumn was coming. Soon, there'd be apple picking at Ol' Man Johnson's place and making cider from the many baskets they would pick; green leaves changing color to bright yellows, oranges, and reds. The signs of it signifying many wonderful things; Halloween, dressing up, trick-or-treating, followed soon by Thanksgiving and the beginnings of snow until the bright joyous occasion of Christmas morning awaiting her…
Now, all the changing seasons meant it was colder for the turtles and not as much sunlight to lighten up the worst of times. The prompt approaching of holidays making their recent loss all the more painful. To make it worse, they were still in agony; constantly dealing with Raphael's death the best they could. It was a bitter pill to swallow for April as she watched them deal with it differently.
Donnie would toil away with work all hours of the day and the few times she was able to talk to him, the conversations were short and dry. It was obvious the genius was hiding a lot of inner turmoil but it would be cold day in hell before he opened up to her about it.
Leo was more or less the same as his genius brother. The leader busied himself with random chores as well as staying with Splinter more; meditating or just taking off for hours at a time. Leonardo was still avoiding her like the plague and for that, she still didn't blame him.
Splinter seemed to be dealing with it the best. A source of constant comfort and companionship if anyone needed it. His door, heart, and arms always open for anyone who wanted to come in. Yet, as much of an open book as he wanted to portray, April saw how broken he was. Tired brown eyes were bloodshot and bagged; the fur doing little in disguising how many sleepless nights he had… April worried for him…
Then there's Mikey…
The youngest brother was a shell of his former self; no pun intended. Where there once was so much brightness and life in those crystal blue eyes, there was now nothing but sadness. A constant aura of grief and loss surrounding him everywhere he went. What shocked April most was just how quiet he'd become. Mikey had always been loud, boisterous, so full of life and since Raph's death, it had been muted. Mikey's voice a mere whisper most of the time and it was rare to hear him speak much at all. So many nights she spent just holding him as he slept; hoping and praying that he was at least getting some respite from his pain in dreams…
This was where she found herself; her own personal purgatory.
Days, weeks, months passing since he died and it didn't waver in the least.
As night fell and droned on as usual, it seemed to be another one of those nights where April wouldn't be able to fall sleep...
It was hard enough to be alone with her thoughts let alone even think of laying there alone with them for hours in a failed attempt in sleeping. Visions of blood and his death, the sadness and grief surrounding the mutant family left behind, her own guilt for letting it all happen and circling back again.
A vicious cycle.
It became apparent she wouldn't find any respite in sleep tonight, so reluctantly, the redhead peeled back the blankets and made her way downstairs.
The comforting drone of the television was heard and she found herself in the same situation as many before. Pacing around the house in the middle of the night; cleaning the most menial of messes just for something to do. After finishing cleaning the kitchen for the fifth time that day, she moved back toward the living room to fold a stray blanket; placing it over the back of the couch in front of where the television was still on. As if almost subconsciously, she leaned over the side to see if Mikey was asleep so she could turn it off.
Instead, she jolted when she realized Mikey wasn't there.
It was a strange sight indeed for the youngest turtle always slept in front of the television. The mindless bright lights, colors, and spoken dialogue a constant distraction that allowed him to sleep alone and rather peacefully on occasion. So, to not see him here was immediately alarming.
Must be in the restroom... she thought; trying to think logically rather than panicking for no reason at all.
Shaking her head of any negative connotations, she went back to cleaning; going in and out of various rooms and tidying up. Yet, after half an hour passed, Mikey still hadn't returned and it was worrisome enough that she found her way up the stairs and toward his unused bedroom.
"Mikey?" she whispered as she approached his door, which was slightly ajar.
"Mikey?" she asked again, this time slightly louder as she pushed it open; the heavy squeak grating on her ears while peering inside the pitch black room. The only light provided was the cascading moon from the window and her heart hitched in her chest when she saw the bed was neatly made and empty.
A sudden shuffling in a room nearby had her exiting his bedroom and heading toward the sound. A light from underneath the bathroom door had her hope welling and without thinking - she moved.
"Mikey!" she announced loudly; knocked firmly on the worn wooden door. It was a harsh understatement to say she was completely blindsided when the door opened and she found herself fully confronted with Leonardo.
Dull blue eyes stared back at her and bore right through her.
"Sorry, Leo! H-Have you seen Mikey?" she asked and the Leader's expression didn't change at all.
April was unaware of how long he stared back at her without answering. It was his sudden movement back toward his room to peer inside where April got her answer.
Mikey wasn't in Leo's room either.
Without even waiting for Leonardo to do anything further, April leapt toward Donnie's bedroom even if the genius rarely slept in there at all. As expected, there was no one there either.
Splinter's room was cracked open as always and he was the only one in the room.
Seeing all of this put April in complete panic mode.
April sprinted at full speed down the stairs and toward the garage where Donnie spent most of his time. Upon opening the door, she found Donnie fast asleep on his desk; no sign of the orange banded turtle to be seen.
Heart palpitating and skipping uncomfortably in her chest, she closed the garage and headed toward the chicken coop. The silence of the chickens apparent that no one was inside. Making a few rounds around the property, she was praying to catch a glimpse of the youngest brother. Yet, as seconds turned to minutes with still no sign, April had enough.
"MIKEY!" she screamed into the night; voice hoarse and raw as she shouted his name.
The cold air surrounding her; the beauty which used to be cool late summer nights now filled her with trepidation as she searched for the cold-blooded turtle.
"MIKEY!" she screeched, making a full-on sprint back toward the house for perhaps she missed him inside but a sudden noise to her right had her stopping in her tracks.
Turning to the direction of the sound, her heart froze in her chest at the sight.
Underneath the giant oak where Raph was buried, lay Mikey. The youngest turtle curled in a fetal position on the ground right next to his brother's grave. Over top the convex of dirt was a blanket they shared and immediately, her heart shattered to pieces.
"Mikey…" she whispered as she approached him. His bright ethereal blue eyes cutting through the dark had her know he was awake. Upon further inspection, she lowered herself behind him as to not disturb Raph's resting place. Hand shaking like a leaf, she ran it over the curve of his round dome and across his thinning shoulder, hating how cold his skin was.
"What are you doing out here?" April helplessly chided, getting closer to the youngest turtle to perhaps give him some of her warmth.
"The weather report said it was going to be cold tonight…and Raphie…I wanted him to be warm…" Mikey whimpered, obviously choking back a sob, as he subconsciously adjusted the blanket over the dirt.
Tears that had been burning the backs of her eyes now dripped down her face as she stared down at the orange-banded turtle. His blue eyes so impossibly sad and voice shaking in trepidation as if in fear he'd be ridiculed for doing so.
April cradled him.
"That's so nice of you, Mikey…" she whispered into the side of his head.
"T-This is his favorite blanket and I dunno, it's so cold out here tonight s-s-so I thought I'd come keep him warm… Raph would do the same for me…" he replied and if anything, the pain in her chest intensified.
"I know he would, Mike…but Raphael also wouldn't want you to be this cold." she spoke, pulling back to place her hand on his hand, which felt like ice. "We really should go inside. It's much too cold for you out here."
"...I know, but, I just…want him to be warm…" Mikey muttered, swiping a hand across his tear-stained face.
April didn't speak for a long moment. Mikey's naivety was not in the wrong here; April was pretty sure Mikey knew that Raph was gone and his body didn't have need for warmth anymore but it still broke her to hear the adamant tone in his voice. Wanting to be with his brother and care for him even if it wasn't possible anymore. She did not to break that loving part of him that transcended death…
"We can leave the blanket here, okay?" April offered. "That way he could stay warm all night and then we can go inside, alright?"
Mikey looked conflicted for a long painful moment as he looked down to the dirt beside him and up to April. Moments later, he nodded and began shifting to sit up where April watched him pushing the blanket off his body; folding both sides over to make it thicker over the fresh convex of dirt where Raphael lay underneath.
"Night, Raphie…" he whispered, patting the blanket lovingly before standing to his feet.
Eyes averting from the scene to keep from crying out, April adjusted her clothes and brushed off some dirt that clung to her.
"I'm ready, April." Mikey spoke up a moment later; the youngest now standing in anticipation right in front of her. His baby blue eyes horrifically bloodshot and pained but somehow a little more at ease. "C-Can I have some hot cocoa and maybe watch a repeat of Crognard?"
"Of course." she sniffled, "Go wait on the couch. I'll be right there."
Mikey nodded before slowly making his way back into the cabin as April's eyes drifted back to the grave near her feet.
The pain of Raphael's absence was more apparent now than ever. How many lives he touched and impacted without knowing it. Sure, he may have been brash, rough, and rude sometimes, there was just something that drew you to him. A kindness and gentleness that far exceed what he should have been capable of. It was this part of him that precious few got to see and even fewer got to experience.
Mikey was one of those few who knew and cherished that part of Raph; and now, Mikey had lost it. Losing a brother; someone who had been so instrumental to life was outright tragic and now she was forced to watch the pieces fall around him.
Kneeling back down to the ground, April straightened out the worn, thick red fabric over his grave with hands shaking as she did so. Blue eyes gravitating to his gravestone; a name, a date signifying a life that ended far too soon. Most of the time, it still felt like a bad dream she would wake up from…but it was starting to sink in that she never would wake up. Forced to live in this perpetual hell of watching his family…her family… fall apart at the seams day after day.
"I wish you could have stayed…" she whispered, brushing a trembling hand over the ice-cold plaque.
April remained still for a long moment; allowing herself to cry before even thinking of heading back to the house to comfort Mikey. Taking a few deep calming breaths, she stood back up and left.
Leo stood in the shadows; watching as the whole scene took place.
Fears for Michelangelo took over the numbness that had his heart in a vice-grip for enough time to force him into action. Desperately searching the house for his brother before April's cries brought him outdoors and finally to the place under the massive oak tree where Raphael was buried.
There was Mikey, but what he didn't expect was April beside him. The redhead comforting his orange banded brother and the sight of it had him feeling more ill than relieved.
It was anger; but instead of it being directed at April like usual…it was at himself…
Allowing anger and hatred to coil in his gut to the point that he was ignoring his family…leaving April to look after Mikey when it should have been him…
Obligations; his role as leader completely meaningless as he stared at the sight of April holding him, speaking words of comfort to his youngest brother. Words that should have been coming out of his mouth but instead, it fell to the one who was partially responsible for taking Raph in the first place…
But as Leo stared at the scene taking place in front of his eyes, the numbness he'd come to rely on like a wooden crutch began being chipped away. The anger at her turning in on himself for day by day, it was becoming far to evident that the majority of it was completely unwarranted…especially toward April…
Seeing how wonderful she was with Mikey; how much she truly cared about him that had Leo's glass house of hate, anger, and numbness shattering to pieces…
