Hurt - Chapter 27

Rated: T

Forgiveness - Part 2

Chapter Summary: Leo confronts some things he's been putting off far too long. Part 2


"Mikey?" Leo asked, hands trembling a bit as he reached out to touch his napping brother. The youngest lay curled in Raphael's favorite blanket in front of the television.

It was quickly noticeable that Mikey was sound asleep and for that, he was grateful. Quiet as could be, he lowered himself near the open spot on the couch by his head; gingerly lifting and placing it in his lap. Much to his relief, Mikey didn't even flinch at the contact.

So, there he sat, Mikey's head nestled in his lap, hand gently caressing his smooth dome. Fingers trailing over his orange mask; worn fabric making a pleasant grating noise when he ran his digits over it.

Time seemed to pass of its own accord, seconds, minutes, and hours were indiscernible as he sat with his eyes never leaving his little brother's semi-peaceful face. Never realizing when another presence made itself known with soft padded footsteps and the swish of fabric.

"...Leonardo?" Splinter's voice was calm and whisper quiet when it broke through the room. The muted television mere background noise was barely acknowledged if only for the light it provided.

"Sensei." Leo responded respectfully and automatically; a instinct deeply embedded into him from years of training under him.

If Splinter was surprised to see him out of his room, he didn't say it. Only a slight furrowing of his furry eyebrows any indication of slight confusion. The Sensei was methodical as he lowered himself to sit down in the chair closest to his eldest son; taking in the scene of him as well as Mikey who was still fast asleep in his lap.

For a long time, Leonardo ignored the eyes of his father boring into his skull; trying desperately to come up with any tactic on what to say or do to appease his behavior since Raphael's death. To explain why he'd acted out and made his family suffer all the more for it. But for the life of him, the words simply wouldn't come… As close as he was to his father and the ease at which he usually spoke with him was hung over his head, he found this may be the most difficult of all… Yet, he learned quickly he didn't have to be the first to speak.

"It's nice to see you out and about, my son…It's wonderful to see you." Splinter spoke, voice a lot stronger this time.

Leonardo was frozen for a moment before he felt brave enough to stave his eyes from the comforting flashing lights emitting from the television and toward their father. Immediately flinching when he found himself staring right into his dark brown eyes.

"T-Thank you, Sensei." his mouth provided automatically.

"You mustn't be so formal, my son."

"Sorry, Spli-…dad."

"Hmm…I apologize if this if too forward, my son, but I must ask you, what has changed that you'd find yourself out of your room?" Splinter tended to leave little stone un-turned; always getting right to the heart of the matter… For once, Leo wasn't at all prepared for it.

"...it's a long story…" Leo muttered, eyes beginning to burn and stomach clenching with guilt.

"I have time." Splinter reminded and Leo felt his consonance crumble.

"Yeah…I guess we do…" he pondered, eyes straying to the slumbering Michelangelo in his lap.

Leo allowed himself to take a few deep breaths and thankfully, his father easily sensed his distress for the rat's eyes left him in favor of the television. Allowing the terrapin plenty of time to sort his thoughts before he finally began to speak.

"I think I need to start from the beginning…" Leo finally spoke and if Splinter was surprised, he gave no indication.

"Take your time." was all Splinter said before Leonardo began.

"As soon as it happened… I was angry. Just so angry like I never had been before. I was mad at April, at that Foot Soldier…but mostly at Raph…" Leo whimpered his deceased brother's name when it came out. "I was mad that he left us…a part of me still is… I'm furious that he protected April when it ultimately cost him his life…I…I wanted to let this anger out, to destroy those who took him away."

Splinter flinched a bit at the words; his worst fears confirmed of where Leo may have been the whole time.

"Because perhaps then," Leonardo continued, this voice breaking, "…maybe it wouldn't hurt so much…"

"You mean destroying those who did this?"

Leo just nodded and a chill went through Splinter's spine.

There was an unspoken information given and it was alarming to realize Leonardo had went to face Shredder without backup during an incredibly tumultuous time. A time in which his emotions were controlling his actions and the consequences of doing so were far more fatal than those of a warrior with a sound mind…

"Shredder could have easily killed me, dad... If I had attacked him when he was down…I wouldn't be here right now." Leo admitted and Splinter's mouth went dry.

"What stopped you?" Splinter was afraid to ask but did anyway.

Leonardo's eyes were bloodshot and teary when he finally met the brown of his father; ethereal blue leeching into the night as he answered.

"...Raph."

Splinter didn't bother hiding the confusion on his face.

"I heard Raph, dad…" Leo whispered, body trembling a bit as he recalled the crystal clear voice he heard; the demanding inclinations and tone of his voice so pure right in his ear. "It was as if he was right there beside me…he told me to stop…and I did. He saved me, dad. I know he did… I-I didn't want to believe it, but there's no other explanation… It wasn't my delusional mind suffering from too-little sleep or some fantastical dream. It was too real, too visceral to have been my imagination. I understand that now…"

A wondrous sensation befell Splinter as he saw the awestruck look on Leonardo's face as he spoke. The certainty and tone so evident by the hints of a smile inching its way up his face. His story a fantastical fairy-tale it seemed but to Splinter, it fit. If anyone's soul was strong, or rather stubborn, enough to persist after death and protect his brothers…it was Raphael…

"Raph's the reason I came back here. It was like I'd been pulled from a trance or a coma. I-I knew I needed to be here but during the drive…I became cold again. Familiar anger burning in my gut, I just… I let it consume me; it was like being possessed."

"But you had just experienced something so amazing. Why would you-"

"I don't know," Leo interrupted. "I just don't know. I guess… I was still dealing with the fact that he was really gone and that perhaps I was crazy. I allowed it to take over me and…well…you know the rest. I was distant; cold, angry the second I arrived here. I still am, I guess, but…now… I'm just tired."

Splinter stared at his morose son; the bags evident even underneath the mask and the light from the television was only putting them in higher contrast.

"Anger is tiring. It takes a lot of energy to remain so for a long time." Splinter explained and Leo met his eyes, "…why do you think Raph liked to sleep so much?"

A somewhat smile peered on Leo's face and before Splinter knew it, Leo was chuckling, the sound more melodious than he had anticipated. It had been so long since he heard laughter that he'd almost forgot what it sounded like. Splinter allowed a warm smile to perch on his lips but the second he did, Leo's smile fell and eyes misted up; before long, his chuckles turned to breathy, deep sobs and tears were slipping in a stream down his face.

Splinter remained hopelessly silent as Leo cried; the hitches and sobs in his voice were barely heard, but they were there.

"I-I used to get mad at him for sleeping so much…" Leo whimpered louder than intended, wiping a quick hand across his face. "…I was always too hard on him, dad…always…Finding any excuse to belittle him or get upset at him over the stupidest things that don't matter at all!"

"Retrospect is 20/20, my son. Looking back, there are always things we wished we'd done differently." Splinter admitted, allowing his voice to break for only a moment as he reached a hand to touch Leo's shoulder. "Myself included."

Leonardo was silent for a long moment as he pondered his father's words; tears continuing their unheeded descent as he finally met Splinter's eyes. "…I just wish I got a chance to say goodbye…a-and to tell him how much I loved him…" he admitted before he broke down.

Before Leo knew what happened, his father had him wrapped in his arms; careful to not bump the slumbering Michelangelo. The terrapin almost instantaneously returned it; breathing in the comforting scent his robes always held; the scent of tea and distinct scent of the dojo and its ever burning incense.

"I wish I got that chance as well…" Splinter whimpered into his son's ear as he held onto Leo even tighter.

Leonardo's breath hitched at the pain etched into every fiber of his father's voice before burying his face into his robes and allowing himself to fall apart.

"D-Do you think h-h-he'll ever forgive me, dad?" Leo sobbed breathlessly into Splinter's chest.

"...I think he already has…"


Hours later, Mikey awoke to the sound of the rooster outside.

Those were April's gift; the chickens and rooster to provide eggs and meat as well as perhaps caring for them to keep their minds occupied. She may have been stuck doing all the work, but he appreciated the sentiment and did enjoy spending some time in the coop and watching them peck around the yard on occasion. When the rooster's shrill crow went quiet, the youngest was full on ready to go back to sleep and hopefully back to the pleasant dream he was having.

If he was honest, Mikey didn't care to face another day without Raph around but a sudden shift underneath his head had stopped him; the strange non-pillowy lump underneath his head moved.

Peeling his tired eyes open, he expected April to be there; even perhaps Splinter or Donnie but he never expected what he saw.

"L-Leo?" Mikey asked, voice small and unused.

"M-Morning, Mikey. H-How did you sleep?" Leo answered. The leader, while preparing what he was going to say for hours now found himself strangely tongue-tied.

Mikey didn't answer right away; questioning if this was another strange dream. For Leo had been pretty much absent this entire time and the youngest wasn't completely sure if this was even reality. Finally getting his bearings, Mikey sat up and left a fairly good distance between himself and oldest brother.

"Okay, I guess." Michelangelo answered with the barest hints of a shrug as he continued to stare uncertainly at his blue-masked brother.

"That's good." Leo continued as if only to fill the increasing uncomfortable silence surrounding them.

"What are you doing down here?" Mikey asked, the chiding tone of his voice was not at all what Leo was expecting but he admitted he rightfully deserved. Before Leo could answer, Mikey continued, "Did dad or Donnie make you come down here to be with me?"

"No, Mike. Of course not." Leo answered; wanting desperately to reach out to his hurting youngest brother but instinctively knew it wasn't wanted right now.

"Then what gives?" Mikey sniffed, wiping his hand over his tired eyes. "You'd never listen to April, so what are you doing down here? You haven't exactly been around since you got here…"

"..." Leo was stunned into silence at the anger leeching through Mikey's voice. The normally bright tone he was used to had been drained from him and left this raspy husk in its place.

Almost instinctively, Mikey pulled Raph's blanket around his shoulders and stared at the television. Leo continued to remain silent and a part of Mikey hated it. Hated how distant he'd become but if Leo pushed him aside, he figured he could do the same…

"I know…" the words were nowhere close to what Mikey expected.

Widened blue eyes left the television to stare at the eldest brother. Confusion leeching through bloodshot eyes as Mikey stared in complete disbelief at Leonardo.

"...what?" Mikey asked, voice a mere breath.

"I know I haven't been there, Mikey…and I'm so sorry…"

Glass walls that had been put up since Leo disappeared developed a hair-lined crack on its fragile surface. The sincerity laced in Leo's cobalt blues shook Michelangelo to his very core. A glimpse of his eldest brother he'd missed so much was apparent in his eyes. Yet, words didn't come to him so Leo continued to speak.

"I know what I did to you guys was wrong. I made a mistake…and I acknowledge that, Mike. To be frank, I was a complete jerk for doing so. I never should have left." Leo said and Mikey finally lost it.

"Then why did you?!" Mikey cried, clinging even harder to Raphael's blanket around his shoulders.

Leo's face fell at the truth lacing his youngest brothers words and the obvious pain dwelling in those bright, once-happy eyes.

"..."

"...Why?!" Mikey asked again after Leo remained silent.

"...I don't have a good answer for my actions. I was angry; hurting-"

"And we weren't?!"

"I know, Mike, but-"

"We needed you…" Mikey whimpered, tears that had been burning the back of his eyes now falling in a constant stream down his face. "…and you just left us. Ran away and didn't bother calling even just to let us know you were okay…"

"Mike, I-"

The youngest shook his head to stop him from speaking. "You're our leader, Leo. You were supposed to be there for us. When Raphie…left…we were just trying to figure out what to do and it was so hard…like a nightmare you can't wake up from. I-I couldn't sleep or eat, I just…" Mikey sniffled loudly before continuing, "I wanted Raphie back…I wanted you home…but that never happened. Then when you finally did show up here, you never left your room or even bothered to be with us…"

"Mikey, I'm so sorry…" Leo breathed after a brief silence; the sheer agony lacing Mikey's voice was like a molten katana plunging into his gut. "I-I wish I never left, I do…"

"Why did you then?" Mike reiterated.

"I wanted to destroy those who took Raphael away. I wanted them to feel the pain I felt…that I feel. I wanted to make them pay; to suffer for it…" Leo briefly met Mikey's eyes before his face fell, "…but I wasn't. I was only causing you guys more unnecessary pain… It wasn't until it was too late that I realized it."

"..."

"I missed Raph's funeral, I missed being there for you through it all…and for that, Mike, I am so sorry… I-I can never repay you for all the time lost, but I promise, I'm gonna try." he whispered, reaching out and ran his hand over Mikey's teary cheek and brushing away the salty liquid. A part of him broke when Mikey initially flinched at his touch but it warmed his heart slightly when the youngest leaned into it a second later.

"You mean, you'll be around more?" Mikey asked, sniffling and wiping his snout a bit when Leo pulled away.

"If that's what you want." Leo offered.

Without answering, Mikey threw himself into his brother's arms, hands grasping desperately at the edge of Leo's shell to pull him closer. The glass wall shattered and Mikey couldn't stop but hold his brother close and allow the pain he'd harbored for so long to leak down his face.

Leo cried at the sudden contact, pressing his face into Mikey's shoulder and pulling him as close as possible; this time, never intending to let go.