Chapter six, a good chapter. I like this chapter a lot too.
Thank you reviewers! I'm sorry The Wishmasters, had to get both sides of the plot in (I like to be evil). I was dying when I wrote the scene with a shirtless Roger, the-fraulein. There is nothing better than that. Evilemmylou (love the name), I'm glad you like the way I'm writing this.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Warning: Slash.
After RENT: Our Story
Chapter six: Be With Me
ROGER'S POV
We need to talk, badly. I can't look at him without wanting to hug him, but I don't need to. He's helped me to stop grieving for Mimi, so I don't have my crying fits.
My fingers move around the neck of the guitar, playing something I've never heard of before. I write down the chords and smile. I've been waiting a week to write something new. Words pop into my head and I write them down. Song writing always has come so easily to me.
When I finish the song, I go to the kitchen to eat something. Mark is sitting on the couch staring at the wall. It's still early, only eight, and he looks terrible. His hair hasn't been brushed (from watching him for so many years, I know that's the first thing he does after getting out of bed) and his clothes from yesterday are rumpled.
"You okay?" He jumps up and looks at me, eyes red and puffy with bags under them. "You look like shit. Have you gotten any sleep?"
"No." He blinks at me slowly.
"Have you tried?"
"All night long." He looks away, cheeks slightly flushed and I can't believe he's acting like me. He's the one who always talks about what's wrong, with me, with him, with Maureen and Joanne, anyone. I'm the one who gives short and quick answers. "We need to talk Roger."
I turn around and set the bowl I got out down. His deep brown eyes follow me from the kitchen to the couch. I sit down next to him, he won't look at me now.
"Look at me, Mark." I take his chin between my thumb and forefinger, turning his head towards me. Our eyes lock and I drop my hand, fingers tingling from the contact. "You're right. We do need to talk."
"You first." He answers quickly.
"You said we should talk first." He swallows and he down, eyes wide in fear. Since we're going to talk, I'm going to tell him. I don't care what he says. He deserves to know.
"Right." He pauses and looks around the room. "I don't even know how to start." He laughs bitterly, taking me by surprise. I wait for him to continue talking. "Mimi told me something the day she was moved to the ICU."
'What'd she tell him?' I think with a panic as my heart plummets. "She told me something I couldn't believe."
'She told him. He knows and it's making him nervous. That's why he won't look at me. He's not comfortable. I broke our promise.' All these other thoughts run through my head. None of them good, all negative.
"Are you listening?"
"Sorry, got caught up in a thought. What'd you say?"
"I said that Mimi told me that...that you only loved her as a friend, that you loved someone else."
"Really?" My voice breaks. I can't breath. I'm so nervous.
"Yeah, she said that you loved," he looks into my eyes and I'm taken back. I never realized how pretty they are. A deep, chocolate brown with gold and blue flecks sparkled here and there. I could look into them forever. "that you loved me." I sigh and open my mouth to talk, but he stops me. "Not done. I just want you to know-" he stops and looks away, taking a deep breath. "I just want you to know that...ever since the funeral, I've been seeing you differently. And since that day a week or so ago-when Collins came over-ever since then I knew."
"Knew what?" I ask after several long seconds of silence. He's talking about the day I almost told him the first time. He looks into me eyes again. We don't breath, we don't think, we don't blink, or talk. Only stare.
"I knew that..." he pauses and smiles shyly, "I love you too." I stare at him, eyes wide and he takes it as a bad sign. The thought won't register. He stands, his face sad. 'Mark loves me?' I finally think. I grab his hand before he gets too far away and he turns to look down at me. I stand and his eyes follow my movements. I'm so close to him, he's inches away from me. I release his hand and put my hand on his cheek, stroking it with my thumb. His skin feels wonderful. He closes his eyes.
"Roger." He whispers. I lean closer and tilt my head.
"I love you, Mark." I whisper before bringing our lips together softly. He responds, kissing me back harder than I did and I wrap my free arm around his waist, bringing us closer together. His lips feel wonderful, softer than what I imagined. I pull away slowly and smile. He opens his eyes and blinks.
"Wow." Wow is right. That was the best kiss I'd ever had and I feel so happy, feelings of warmth run through every vein in my body. Even my weakened T-cells cheer.
"Yeah." We laugh at our poor efforts to talk, so we kiss again. I'll never get sick of them. This one is harder, more desperate. His arms find their way around my shoulders.
When we pull away, we're out of breath. We stare at each other, flushed. "I think there's more we need to talk about." He nods and we lower ourselves to the couch, arms still around each other.
"So, what were you going to say?" He asks me.
"I decided to tell you I loved you." He runs a hand through my hair. He brings his face closer to mine and kisses me softly.
"How long?" He asks me quietly.
"Forever. I'm sorry I broke our promise."
"I'm glad we did. I've never been so happy."
"I like making you happy." I stroke his cheek.
"I'm happy when you are." I take his hand and hold it.
"What else should we talk about?"
"Us, our future."
"We're together and our future will be forever." He rolls my eyes at me. I wish that were true.
"Will we tell?"
"When the time is right. No one will object or not accept us." Benny is now the only heterosexual in the group.
"True."
"Anything else?"
"Intimacy." He blushes and he looks adorable, his cheeks bright red with embarrassment.
"You're so adorable."
"Since when do you say adorable?"
"Since now, since you changed my life. What kind of intimacy?" I can't help but tease him about it, something I know he and Maureen did together, but he's embarrassed to talk about it with me.
"The farthest kind."
"You really want to?"
"Yes. Don't you?" I smile sadly at him, before kissing the back of his hand.
"I do, but the AIDS. I won't let it happen to you." I figure that's why he's embarrassed.
"We'll be careful."
"I can't live without you. I don't want to, don't even want to think about it."
"I know. I don't want to either." He gives a small sob and I know what he's thinking, he'll have to live without me eventually. I pull him into my lap and he rests his head in the crock of my neck. I lean down and kiss his neck. He groans when I bite it softly.
"I love you so much, Mark." We hold each other for a few more minutes.
"I wish we would have gotten together years ago."
"Me too. Things would be so different. I wouldn't be dying, we'd be together for years and years." He kisses my jaw.
"I'm hungry. Want me to make something?"
"I was going to have some Captain Crunch before we started to talk."
"Come on." He takes my hand and we fix some bowls and eat.
"Mimi wanted us to be together?" We started talking about what Mimi said at the hospital and I can't even believe that.
"Yeah. She told me to take care of you, to be with you. I didn't think I could at first, I didn't believe her that you only loved her like a sister and a friend. But I changed my mind."
"I'm glad you did." He yawns. "Tired?" He nods shyly. "We'll go to bed after this." I tease him and wink suggestively. He looks at me with a panicked look in his eye. "Not like that!"
"You winked at me!"
"Doesn't mean anything."
"It'd better not. We don't have any condoms. No woman's been here for a while." I shake my head, laughing. We clean up and head into my room. Mark says he wants to fill the empty space in my bed.
He rests his head on my chest, arms around my waist. One of my arms wraps around his shoulders and the other is on top of one on my stomach. I take his glasses off and kiss his forehead.
"Love you." I whisper.
"Love you more." I kiss him and he closes his eyes, asleep in moments, a smile on his face. I watch his sleep before I fall asleep too, happier than I've ever been.
YEAH! THEY LOVE EACH OTHER! About time right? But of course, the end isn't in sight yet.
Thank you reviewers! I'm sorry The Wishmasters, had to get both sides of the plot in (I like to be evil). I was dying when I wrote the scene with a shirtless Roger, the-fraulein. There is nothing better than that. Evilemmylou (love the name), I'm glad you like the way I'm writing this.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Warning: Slash.
After RENT: Our Story
Chapter six: Be With Me
ROGER'S POV
We need to talk, badly. I can't look at him without wanting to hug him, but I don't need to. He's helped me to stop grieving for Mimi, so I don't have my crying fits.
My fingers move around the neck of the guitar, playing something I've never heard of before. I write down the chords and smile. I've been waiting a week to write something new. Words pop into my head and I write them down. Song writing always has come so easily to me.
When I finish the song, I go to the kitchen to eat something. Mark is sitting on the couch staring at the wall. It's still early, only eight, and he looks terrible. His hair hasn't been brushed (from watching him for so many years, I know that's the first thing he does after getting out of bed) and his clothes from yesterday are rumpled.
"You okay?" He jumps up and looks at me, eyes red and puffy with bags under them. "You look like shit. Have you gotten any sleep?"
"No." He blinks at me slowly.
"Have you tried?"
"All night long." He looks away, cheeks slightly flushed and I can't believe he's acting like me. He's the one who always talks about what's wrong, with me, with him, with Maureen and Joanne, anyone. I'm the one who gives short and quick answers. "We need to talk Roger."
I turn around and set the bowl I got out down. His deep brown eyes follow me from the kitchen to the couch. I sit down next to him, he won't look at me now.
"Look at me, Mark." I take his chin between my thumb and forefinger, turning his head towards me. Our eyes lock and I drop my hand, fingers tingling from the contact. "You're right. We do need to talk."
"You first." He answers quickly.
"You said we should talk first." He swallows and he down, eyes wide in fear. Since we're going to talk, I'm going to tell him. I don't care what he says. He deserves to know.
"Right." He pauses and looks around the room. "I don't even know how to start." He laughs bitterly, taking me by surprise. I wait for him to continue talking. "Mimi told me something the day she was moved to the ICU."
'What'd she tell him?' I think with a panic as my heart plummets. "She told me something I couldn't believe."
'She told him. He knows and it's making him nervous. That's why he won't look at me. He's not comfortable. I broke our promise.' All these other thoughts run through my head. None of them good, all negative.
"Are you listening?"
"Sorry, got caught up in a thought. What'd you say?"
"I said that Mimi told me that...that you only loved her as a friend, that you loved someone else."
"Really?" My voice breaks. I can't breath. I'm so nervous.
"Yeah, she said that you loved," he looks into my eyes and I'm taken back. I never realized how pretty they are. A deep, chocolate brown with gold and blue flecks sparkled here and there. I could look into them forever. "that you loved me." I sigh and open my mouth to talk, but he stops me. "Not done. I just want you to know-" he stops and looks away, taking a deep breath. "I just want you to know that...ever since the funeral, I've been seeing you differently. And since that day a week or so ago-when Collins came over-ever since then I knew."
"Knew what?" I ask after several long seconds of silence. He's talking about the day I almost told him the first time. He looks into me eyes again. We don't breath, we don't think, we don't blink, or talk. Only stare.
"I knew that..." he pauses and smiles shyly, "I love you too." I stare at him, eyes wide and he takes it as a bad sign. The thought won't register. He stands, his face sad. 'Mark loves me?' I finally think. I grab his hand before he gets too far away and he turns to look down at me. I stand and his eyes follow my movements. I'm so close to him, he's inches away from me. I release his hand and put my hand on his cheek, stroking it with my thumb. His skin feels wonderful. He closes his eyes.
"Roger." He whispers. I lean closer and tilt my head.
"I love you, Mark." I whisper before bringing our lips together softly. He responds, kissing me back harder than I did and I wrap my free arm around his waist, bringing us closer together. His lips feel wonderful, softer than what I imagined. I pull away slowly and smile. He opens his eyes and blinks.
"Wow." Wow is right. That was the best kiss I'd ever had and I feel so happy, feelings of warmth run through every vein in my body. Even my weakened T-cells cheer.
"Yeah." We laugh at our poor efforts to talk, so we kiss again. I'll never get sick of them. This one is harder, more desperate. His arms find their way around my shoulders.
When we pull away, we're out of breath. We stare at each other, flushed. "I think there's more we need to talk about." He nods and we lower ourselves to the couch, arms still around each other.
"So, what were you going to say?" He asks me.
"I decided to tell you I loved you." He runs a hand through my hair. He brings his face closer to mine and kisses me softly.
"How long?" He asks me quietly.
"Forever. I'm sorry I broke our promise."
"I'm glad we did. I've never been so happy."
"I like making you happy." I stroke his cheek.
"I'm happy when you are." I take his hand and hold it.
"What else should we talk about?"
"Us, our future."
"We're together and our future will be forever." He rolls my eyes at me. I wish that were true.
"Will we tell?"
"When the time is right. No one will object or not accept us." Benny is now the only heterosexual in the group.
"True."
"Anything else?"
"Intimacy." He blushes and he looks adorable, his cheeks bright red with embarrassment.
"You're so adorable."
"Since when do you say adorable?"
"Since now, since you changed my life. What kind of intimacy?" I can't help but tease him about it, something I know he and Maureen did together, but he's embarrassed to talk about it with me.
"The farthest kind."
"You really want to?"
"Yes. Don't you?" I smile sadly at him, before kissing the back of his hand.
"I do, but the AIDS. I won't let it happen to you." I figure that's why he's embarrassed.
"We'll be careful."
"I can't live without you. I don't want to, don't even want to think about it."
"I know. I don't want to either." He gives a small sob and I know what he's thinking, he'll have to live without me eventually. I pull him into my lap and he rests his head in the crock of my neck. I lean down and kiss his neck. He groans when I bite it softly.
"I love you so much, Mark." We hold each other for a few more minutes.
"I wish we would have gotten together years ago."
"Me too. Things would be so different. I wouldn't be dying, we'd be together for years and years." He kisses my jaw.
"I'm hungry. Want me to make something?"
"I was going to have some Captain Crunch before we started to talk."
"Come on." He takes my hand and we fix some bowls and eat.
"Mimi wanted us to be together?" We started talking about what Mimi said at the hospital and I can't even believe that.
"Yeah. She told me to take care of you, to be with you. I didn't think I could at first, I didn't believe her that you only loved her like a sister and a friend. But I changed my mind."
"I'm glad you did." He yawns. "Tired?" He nods shyly. "We'll go to bed after this." I tease him and wink suggestively. He looks at me with a panicked look in his eye. "Not like that!"
"You winked at me!"
"Doesn't mean anything."
"It'd better not. We don't have any condoms. No woman's been here for a while." I shake my head, laughing. We clean up and head into my room. Mark says he wants to fill the empty space in my bed.
He rests his head on my chest, arms around my waist. One of my arms wraps around his shoulders and the other is on top of one on my stomach. I take his glasses off and kiss his forehead.
"Love you." I whisper.
"Love you more." I kiss him and he closes his eyes, asleep in moments, a smile on his face. I watch his sleep before I fall asleep too, happier than I've ever been.
YEAH! THEY LOVE EACH OTHER! About time right? But of course, the end isn't in sight yet.
