Zeromus Busters. By Partially Crazy.

Warning: This story is not serious. For you people who can't have fun, GET OUT!

Disclaimer: Anything in this fiction I say is mine, belongs to me. Everything else belongs to whoever owns them. FF4 belongs to Square. And anything here is supposed to be funny. Hopefully, I made that clear enough in my opening statement.

Anyway, this is my first 'flagship fiction.' Enjoy! Since it's summer, I can update a lot more! Yee!
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There's something evil.
On the moon.
Who ya gonna call?
ZEROMUS BUSTERS!

The Red Wings were in the air now. Because this opening is boring, I'm just gonna skip it and say that Cecil hated killing innocent people, and got fired for it.

Cecil was sad. Very, very sad. It was bad. Very, very bad.

Cecil said: "This is bad, isn't it, Kyne?"

Kain replied: "What's bad, Cecil? And for the last time, it's KAIN. Not Kyne."

"Er, nothing!" Cecil never liked to talk about his job and such. In fact, he never wanted people to know about him. So he covered his face.

Cecil stares into space.

I said he covered his face. (Pokes Cecil several times for good measure.)

Cecil, realizing that he was poked several times, managed to cover his face and yell: "Don't look at me!" Loudly for good measure.

Eventually, Cecil was sent to his room, as he couldn't do anything else. He ended up getting lost on the way.

"Oh, no!" Cecil cried. "I got lost on the way! Oh, cruel world! Why must I suffer through all of this torture?"

"It's right in front of ya, you dolt!" yelled a voice from the higher areas of Castle Baron.

Cecil screamed and ran away, crossing water while he was at it. When he finally returned to the castle, breaking the part of the castle Cid was on, Cid finally told Cecil about a bunch of stuff, in which I found so boring I decided not to write it. Cecil then entered whatever part of the castle was his. He met up with the handmaiden near the stairs.

"Sir, I've changed your sheets. Please, for the love of the moon, do NOT mistake that tree by the window for the Bogeyman again. It took me days to get that stool out of the sheets."

"The Bogeyman is back? YAAAAARRRGH!"

Cecil then ran away again, crossing the ocean, and bursting into the castle once more, causing more than the royal budget for repairs.

"sigh Goodnight, sir."

"Goodnight, yon filthy wench! Wait, that didn't sound right. Why did I say that, Almighty Author?"

BECAUSE I TYPED IT OUT, FILTHY ORAKIAN!

"But, I'm a human. Not one of these 'Orakians.'"

SHUT UP! GO TO BED! I HAVE TO APPEAR ON A TORTILLA IN MEXICO, SO G'NIGHT!

Cecil returned to his bedchambers, and started to ponder in his sleep.

"Hmm. Why did I kill those innocent people? Who were they? Who am I?"

The door to Cecil's room opened.

"OH NO! BLOODY BEEFCAKE! IT'S A STALKER! OR THE BOGEYMAN! CALL THE COPS! YAAAAARRRGH!"

Cecil used his bed as a toilet again.

Handmaiden: sigh

Rosa came out of the door.

"Cecil, it's me. Rosa. Along with my twin, Sora"
"Geez, this stinks in here. How do you deal with this man, sultry"
"Shut up"
"No, you shut up!"

The argument continued until the wee hours of the morning, keeping everyone awake, especially for Kain, who was busy making a plan to build a base in the Mistian cave they were somehow sent to yet I forgot to write about making you all go 'Huh'?. Yeah. That plan.

Cecil finally got up the courage to say something. "Uh, this script says that my line is 'Diaper Biscuits'."

OH, SORRY.

I switched the script that Cecil had with the one about this story. Then, Cecil finally got up the courage to say something. "Rosa, weren't you gonna tell me not to be a coward and a bunch of other crazy stuff about how worried about me you were, etc, etc, etc."

Rosa responded, "Oh, you just said all that. Thanks for making my talking load lower. Bye, milove."

"Yeah. Bye, my smelly, twisted love."

"Shut up!"

"No, you shut up!"

Cecil felt bad now, since if Rosa really loved him, both sides would agree somehow. I/The Almighty Author tried to comfort him.

DON'T WORRY, CECIL. AT THE VERY LEAST, YOU COULD SERVICE… NOBODY! BWAHAHAHA!

Cecil looked hurt.

GOODNIGHT, CECIL. IF IT'S ANY CONSOLATION, I FEEL BETTER ALREADY. AFTER ALL, FEEDING OFF OF PEOPLE'S MISERY IS MY JOB, YOU KNOW.

"Kay!"

The next day, Cecil and Kain left for the Mist Cave. After they killed a copius amount of Golbins, Helldivers and Floating Eyes, (Actually, Kain killed most of them. Cecil just sat in the corner and cried.) they reached the Mist Cave. Kain: Level 99, Cecil: Level 5. (If you must know, Cecil stayed away from battle for so long, his level actually DECREASED. Yes, that is possible, as this is my story.) Soon, they made it into the Mistian Cave. Did I already say that? Ah, sorry.

So Cecil and Kain went through a whole lot of boring stuff. Mostly Cecil worrying incessantly about the "mysterious voice" that hovered around within.

"Shut up!" Kain yelled. "That was my line! Remember?"


And then a flashback occurred.

Kain was telling Cecil a ghost story.

"And then, the mysterious voice told the dark knight to stay away from Mist, but he continued on. Ya wanna know what happened next…?"

"…Yes? What happened to that dark knight which happens to be not me…?"

"He… GOT HIM!"

"YAAAAAARRRGH! BOGEYMAN!"

Cecil used his armour as a toilet.

Handmaiden: sigh

FLASHBACK OVER.


OK, where did we leave off before that unnecessarily graphic and disgusting flashback? Ah, yes. The voice. Anyway, the voice yelled in a booming tone, "WHO DARETH WALKETH THISETH CAVE…ETH?"

Cecil replied, mustering all of his available courage, "Uh… we have to get this Bomb Ring. To Mist. Please don't eat us."

"EAT YOU? HAHAHAHAHA! PEOPLE ARE FAR TOO SMELLY TO EAT!"

"Smelly? How dare you! And you're not Rosa, or Kyne…"

Kain interrupted, "Kain. It's Kain."

"Sorry, Kyne. Well, you're not Rosa, Kyne, or anyone else on this planet, so die! HYRAH!"

"SKYAAH!"


Dun Dun DUUUUN! We've left a cliffhanger! Who will win this epic battle of brawn? What exactly IS Kain planning? Who out of random people in the world will be included for an in-joke for no-one else but the author and his friends? Will Cid ever find true love? At least one of the answers is coming… right now.
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"You mean I win?" Cecil asked imploringly. "WOOHOO!"

WELL, YOU HAVE TO WIN. IT SAYS IN MY DICTATOR GUIDE THAT YOU HAVE TO WIN. OTHERWISE THE STORY WILL HAVE NO POINT."

"Really? Trippin'."


In the chapters to come:
-Kain disappears!
-Cecil and the girl get aquainted, and we all have a laughing fit over when she introduces herself!
-We meet a strange old guy, who seems remarkably familiar to a Professor that Matt Groening made up! In personality, that is.
-Yaoi bishonens galore! And today's one plays an instrument!
-Rosa girl are sick!
-Rosa girl get better!
-We meet a karate man who likes… stwawbawwies!
-And I should end it here before too much is revealed! Stay tuned for the next installment of:

ZEROMUS BUSTERS!