It doesn't take Mathew long to figure out the mischievous and playful personality that Gilbert and Antonio are displaying is nothing but an act. He doesn't miss the casual way that Antonio seems to glance over at Francis to test his reactions every so often, or how Gilbert seems to be touching Francis in some way at all times; a shoulder leaning against him, putting his legs across Francis's lap, braiding Francis' shoulder-length hair. Lucille and Michelle think its sweet, just sign of their deep friendship, but Mathew knows its more than that, a series of carefully orchestrated movements and acts meant to calm and comfort.
Still, there's something else there, a line of caution, and Mathew knows its his fault. There's things the trio want to say to each other that cant be said with everyone there. So Mathew makes a choice to remove the obstacles, calling and booking a dinner reservation for him and his siblings, casually mentioning to the guests that they'll be out all night. Gilbert and Antonio catch on immediately and wink conspiratorially over Francis' shoulder. If Francis notices, he doesn't say.
Mathew doesn't mean to eavesdrop. He means be in the taxi with his sisters on the way to the restaurant , but he forgets his wallet. He's always had very low presence, sneaking back to grab his wallet and slipping out again is easy. He's almost back out the door when he hears Francis speak, and partially instinctively, peers around the corner to see him.
"Je suis exhausté."
Francis murmurs into Antonio's shoulder, reverting back to his native French before repeating it in English.
"Im tired."
He says, and he sounds it, an exhaustion so deep that even makes Mathew feel tired just from hearing the weariness seeping from his tone, the way his body sags and eyes seem to dim and darken only further attesting to the deep exhaustion he's admitting too. Gilbert reaches a hand out to rub Francis' head as though he's a child.
"Then rest."
The words sound ridiculously simple, his harsh german accent cutting the words short, but unmistakably gentle. Mathew knows that he doesn't mean the kind of "rest" sleep brings, but a different kind. Antonio also speaks, in his usual peppy voice, but it still seems to sound solid and trustworthy.
"Lean on us if you need to, amigo. That's what we're here for."
His spanish accent brings the word up with lilting sound, making the words seem carefree and light despite the heavy wieght of the words. Mathew doesn't want to listen in, and silently slips out the door, closing it soundlessly behind him. Dinner is fun, his siblings seeming to relax for the first time since they came to Paris, and Mathew finds himself joking and laughing with them as they eat. Its so fun and light-hearted that he almost forgets why they're all gathered together. By the time they return, they're all exhausted from the night out, and perhaps slightly intoxicated too. None of them had counted their drinks.
Mathew instantly feels himself sober up when he sees Gilbert waiting up for him. He knows this can't mean anything good, and his heart starts to sink again. He doesn't want to worry his sisters, smiling brightly and giggling for the first time in a while, and waves them up to bed. Its only after they've disappeared with hushed giggles that he finally turns to Gilbert.
"Antonio's with Francis."
He explains as though answering an unasked question. Mathew feels like he's choking on something, his throat swelling up and making it hard to breath. He can read the true meaning underneath Gilbert's words. Antonio's watching Francis. It sounds to Mathew like they're afraid that Francis might hurt himself. He tries to swallow around the lump in his throat. Mathew doesn't ask about that. He doesn't want to know, he's scared of what the answer might be. Instead he asks a different question.
"How did you know to come?"
Mathew knows Gilbert realizes he's avoiding the issue by the quirk on Gilbert's lips, but Gilbert doesn't call him out.
"Got a call from a certain American, he seemed a little concerned."
"Alfred."
Mathew's lips curled up just a little as he realized what Alfred had done, then curled back down as he guiltily remembered that he hadn't really responded to any of Alfred's questions. Gilbert doesnt let Mathew have his pity party. He asks the next question bluntly, almost accusingly, and Mathew flinches.
"How long has he been like this?"
Mathew cant remember when he first started noticing the faded light in Francis' eyes, but he does remember how fast it seemed to die. He doesn't meet Gilbert's face as he answers.
"A while."
Its enough to tell Gilbert what he wanted to know, and Gibert clicks his tongue in frustration.
"And you just left him like that? Why didn't you call us? We could have helped!"
Once again, Mathew flinches at the words and the boiling frustration underneath. He knows that Gilbert's right, he knows he should have called them earlier, he's not sure why he didn't. No, that's a lie he's telling himself. He knows the real reason he waited so long to call anyone. Its because Mathew wanted to be the one to make Francis' eyes light back up, Mathew wanted to draw out his charming smile. Still, Mathew thinks its unfair of Gilbert to say he'd left Francis like that. He'd done his best to cheer him up, the bring back the spark in his eyes. Even if his reasons were selfish, Mathew really had tried his best.
Mathew keeps his voice low and quiet as he responds to hide the tremble in his voice.
"I'm sorry."
He doesn't try to make an excuse or defend himself, because he knows Gilbert's right. If he had asked for help earlier this never would've got this bad. Mathew's eyes feel hot and his cheeks flush, but he pushes away the the shame and tears of frustration. He doesn't have the right to be upset. Gilbert seems to read him like a book, and his voice softens. Mathew wonders if Gilbert is thinking of his own younger brother who is around Mathew's age as he speaks.
"Hey, its not your fault."
Mathew barely holds back a snort at that. He's neither an idiot or a child, he's not someone who can't own up to the consequences of his actions. Still, Mathew doesn't want to come off as rude towards Gilbert, so he only nods stiffly. Gilbert sighs.
" You're still a chil - ah, no, I mean, you're not alone. If something happens its fine to rely on us older people."
Mathew decides to ignore the fact that Gilbert almost called him a child. He's too frustrated and upset at himself to be offended. He just nods stiffly again. Gilbert sighs once more and looks like he wants to say something more, but his phone dings with a text alert.
"It's Tony."
He apologizes wryly, checking the text. Then his face goes pale.
"Shit!"
He whirls to go, shouting an order over his shoulder at Mathew.
"Stay here!"
Mathew doesn't listen. His heart is pounding so hard it feels like he's dying, and all he can think about is how Gilbert's face went pale, almost matching his shockingly white hair. Gilbert reaches Francis's room first, even though he's shorter that Mathew, he trains his body more. Mathew isn't far behind when Gilbert bursts into the room, but Mathew doesn't follow him in. He freezes in place at the sound of Francis' broken sobs, and the words he manages to choke out.
"I wish i was dead!"
