Zeromus Busters. By Partially Crazy.

Chapter 2: I AM RYDIA! (snicker.)

Disclaimer: FF4 belongs to Squaresoft, yadda, yadda, yadda, brief legal speech, yea, Requiem Terra Pax, and so on and so forth.

Warning: This chapter has suggestive themes. If you know the story, but hate the themes, skip the chapter, if possible. If you likey, read onkey.

This chapter shall be dedicated to Paige. My only reviewer for the story thus-so-far. Hah.
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IN OUR LASTEST CHAPTER OF ZEROMUS BUSTERS…

Cecil and Kain were introduced!
Rosa and Cid were partially introduced!
I argued with Cecil!
Cecil and Kain killed a Dragon!
I stayed up late to write it and therefore woke up at 2 o clock! Yay!

Now, without further stalling for time, the story shall continue!
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Cecil and Kain killed a Dragon made of Mist. Or rather, Cecil killed it, due to blunt and painful insults. Now, Cecil and Kain are walking to 'that village over there. That's Mist. Oh.'

Now, Cecil and Kain made their way to the village now. Now, for strictly comedic and sadistic purposes, I'm going to have the background song be, 'Everybody Walk The Dinosaur.' You know. The song from that crummy Mario movie. Yeah, that song.

Now, with annoying music to set the mood, our 'heroes they ain't' heroes start to finally talk of stuff.

Cecil said as he entered the village, "Hmmm. Maybe the author could come up with a better word to describe what we're saying, but I digress. Let's lift that Bomb Ring to the air to see what happens!"

Kain added, quite happily, "Yeah! Explosions! WHEE!"

The duo lifted the Bomb Ring to the skies, and it sent a whole buncha Bombs to kill the villagers and every single last building in the village. That's when we hear the very, very, loud and catonic voice of a certain young girl taken straight out of a Lolicon hentai doujinshi magazine, which happens to be very dirty and perverted, as I ripped it straight out of the Developer's Room.

"OH NO! THE BUILDING!"

"Open the door, get on the floor!"

The Dark Knight and his fellow Dragoon turned round to see a loud, catonic green-haired, sweaty, half-naked, full-lipped girl yelling out random stuff near a corpse.

(Hey, the developers made me say that. For 50 sweet dollars. )

"ME! GEDAP!"

The dumb-but-dynamic duo reached the area where the girl was.

"Hey! Do you need help?" Cecil asked the girl. Because if she didn't get any help, she would more than likely be assaulted by those programmers hiding in the bushes.

"TREES! HIDE! BUSHES! VIOLATION!"

"Everybody walk the Dinosaur!"

The developers, finding the catonic girl is also psychic, ran away to Mysidia. Mostly because that's where they can get their weekly dose of their favourite mage-smut, Girls of Mysidia.

Now, to talk less on the staff's sexlife, and more on the actual story, Kain asked the girl again. "What happened?"

"YOU KILLED MY BUILDING'S SUNDAY?"

Cecil had to interrupt. "I don't know what you're talking about, but I understand what you're saying completely. We're sorry your building's Sunday died"

"WHAT?"

"Here's an ice cream."

Then Cecil whispered in a low voice, "Kain, let's go behind that house."

Kain and Cecil hid behind 'that house. That's a store. Oh.'


Now, Cecil and Kain are having a secret conversation. First line is Cecil, next is Kain, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. (A la the King of Siam.)

"Kain, our land is evil! It made us kill! I don't wanna kill! I just wanna live a cozy life as a country bumpkin and not pay taxes! Is that so much to ask?"

"Well, for once in my life, I agree with you, Ceese. Baron city is evil."

"Why?"

"Because, only I can be really evil."

"Oh. Okay then. Wait, did you say evil? Where is it?"

Then the duo put on a pair of dungarees/overalls each, did a tap dance, and went back to the girl.
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Kain commanded the girl to go with them, as then, he would have an extra slave/consort. Err, I mean bride, for you Kain/Rydia fans, like me. Although I tend to prefer the slave/consort thing. I'm a vouyeurist, you see. (Heehee, lolibondage. Hee hee! Funny word!)

"Let's bounce"

"NAH!"

"LET'S US BUNCE!"

"NAH! GO AWAY! I AM EGON SPRINKLES! AND EGON SHALL HATE YOU!"


So, Rydia killed both people with Titan Attack. Kain was whisked away, and it made him sad, because he actually found real love, and he lost it. Cecil, however, was doomed to hang around the loud, catonic, psychic weirdo. That made 2 idiots ready to save the world. Chances are that odds are slim we're all gonna live.

"Hmm. I'm awake now. As a Dark Knight, it is my duty to… PILLAGE, LOOT, AND RAPE! But then again, I don't like to pillage. Or rape, for that matter. Or looting, either. Well, better not let that corpse go to waste!"

Cecil then picked up the unconscious Rydia, no doubt with sick, twisted things planned. Since Rosa wasn't here, and the girl couldn't tell what would happen, now we say our line.

"What could possibly go wrong?"

However, I'm not in the mood for writing rape lemons, and this fiction is rated T, after all, so we'll just have to settle for the duo staying at 'that desert village over there's Inn. In separate beds, mind you.

OK, I think the suggestive humour will stop now. If only I can control it, and the developers don't catch me, I'll be good to go.


So, the guards from Baron somehow made their way to the Inn, and since Rydia was the perfect target for the (you should know the rest.), Cecil had to intervine. So with the strange girl watching, Cecil killed the three soldiers, and the general ran away like a little girl! AH-HA-HA-HA!

For you see, during the time Cecil killed the Dragon, his inner courage rose up, thus, allowing him to have… CONTINENCE! (Trumpet fan-fa-ray.)

The Girl asked, in of course, a loud voice, "YA GAANA TECT ME OR SECT ME!"

Cecil replied, "Tect yee."

The girl was hesitant for a little while, due to a mistake on the game's part. She finally said, for little reason at all,

"I'm Rydia."

Everybody here burst out laughing for no apparent reason.

Cecil then added in, on a quick impulse,

"Quick! Hide in the blankets! Don't look at us!"

Though Cecil has continence, he still prefers privacy 24 to 7.


The twosome woke up, and set forth on their journey, buying a Leather Cap and an Iron Ring, as Rydia foretold, "THERE BE SOME CRUMMY OLD GUY JOINING US LATER!"

Cecil and Rydia made their way to 'that cave over there. TAT UNDRGRUND WATWAY! Oh.'

Ah, finally, Cecil has a straight man, or rather, a straight woman, to deal with his lack of sense of direction.
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And now, I shall celebrate with some Cossack dancing from my pal, Mr. Ex-President. He dances quite well to get in shape. Now, to celebrate.

FREEDOM, FREEDOM, FREEDOM, OI!
FREEDOM, FREEDOM, FREEDOM, OI!
FREEDOM, FREEDOM, FREEDOM, OI!
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The next chapter shall occur, as soon as the author gets out of his mental instituition.

Coming Soon: Chapter 3: The Professor and the Ustvestia wannabe!

Easter Egg: Note the Phantasy Star references here and there. Alis will love that. Yesh.