Zeromus Busters. By Partially Crazy.

Chapter 4: The Ants go marching one by one. What's to cheer about?

And just as we were about to start our story, Cecil had to come in and give a disclaimer.

And he said,

"Are you still reading this? Man, most people would have flamed by chapter 3, eh? Anydangway, Final Fantasy 4 belongs to not our team of developers. They belong to Square's team of developers. Also, any in-jokes sources belong top whoever owns them. There are a lot, so since we're lazy, whoever came up with a lot of the jokes are whoever owns them. Kapish? Okay then."

This Chapter shall be dedicated to Frieda Right. By far our most patient reviewer, who has had to deal with our atrocity, perversity, and staunch Kain and Rydia support. We're even lucky she's still reading us!

Quote: "You lucked out this time, bucko…"

For that, we've consulted our team of underpaid, malnourished developers, and tried to come up with some sorta "Thanx for bein patent" award. And for you normal readers, well, we just wanted a gag.
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Our first developer suggested, "I have 3 dollars in change. Take it or leave it."


Our second one suggested, "How about one of those wax puppets from that J-Horror movie? You know, the one that Famicom game was about?"

"Suito Homu?"

"Yeah."

Darn otakus.


The third developer suggested, "How about cookies?"

"No, too overdone. We need something along the lines of unique."

And then I thought of an idea. An idea that probably could work.


"Yo, PRIVATE. I'm borrowing the Game Genie for a second, okay?"

Hopefully, PRIVATE said that it was okay, since PRIVATE liked my writing.

So, with that, I used "The Cloning Device." And cloned 3 more Cecil-igos. Plus, I made that ROM hack with the party renamed to Earthbound characters and using only Palom, Rosa, Tellah, Yang, and a pig! Sweet.

So ultimately, that means you are obtaining 3 Cecil-igos! (plus shipping and handling) Yay! Oh, and '3 dollars in change. Take it or leave it.' The puppets were too far away to even get our filthy paws on. And the ROM hack's in our studio. Which is far-off, and barely exists.

And with that, I leave a parting word from Professor Ryuta Kawashima, the floating head from Brain Age.

"Look around and count all the numbers that you can see,
Then add, subtract, multiply, and divide them until you get an answer of one.
Performing simple arithmetic really wakes up your brain."

And now, without further butt-kissing, we shall commence my writings!
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Previously, on Zeromus Busters Zee…

"Hello, Mavis!"

C and R wasn't quite sure what he meant, so they took the only course of action available. By making a shameless reference to Futurama by saying, "Mavis is dead."


You know, you all probably know where this is going, only this 'described fiction' is a heck of a lot more stupid. To cut to the chase, Cecil and Tellah killed 7 Arremers from the rainbow, and rescued Rydia as a result.


"Hmmm. Based on what I've heard, the Octomammoth can be killed by thunder, but no one has ever been alive to prove this theory… Although I've seen his weakness a few times…" Tellah replied.


Cecil, Rydia and Tellah stand on one side of this arena, while Octomammoth stood on the other side. They merely move in a very Pokemon-Stadiumish manner.

Cecil used Attack! Octomammoth is down by 2,350 Hit Points! Octomammoth has no remaining HP left! Octomammoth had to pay 400 gil!

Octomammoth whited out!


"Watch what you're doing, old man!"

"… Shut up."

"Keep this up, and I swear…"


"SIGH!" boomed Rydia.


And that was previously, on Zeromus Busters Zee!

And nao for today's episode, a much, more, easy-to-handle episode, where I actually must work harder, due to my mind being more crippld!
Today, on ZEROMUS BUSTERS ZEE!
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The three were on their way to the Antlion Cave. It was a short distance, and very uneventful, due to the fact that monsters and machinery don't mix.

Actually, everything was obscenely uneventful, due to the sheer boringness of the cave, but in my opinion, the baby blue treasure chests were cool enough. And Cecil saw through Edward's music lesson ruse, and accused him of needing to "Get laid, big-time." Edward then said Cecil was a "stupidhead," and started on a long speech of how Cecil and Rydia "Don't understand how I feel!" after that heated argument, the Team ™ finally came to the area where Antlion was.

And now, was the time of the Antlion battle. Here are the spare and dirty details.

Edward was the first one to try to grab the Sand Ruby. The Antlion moved underneath his feet.

"OK, just a little more distance covered…"


And the Antlion struck.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!11!
!one!"

screamed Rydia.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!11!
!one!"

screamed Cecil.

"Worry. Not. Antlion is tame." Edward replied without worry. He then grumbled about how much he hated a coward he checked out, and about how good waffles taste.


But then, the Antlion struck again!

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!11!
!one!"

screamed Rydia.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!11!
!one!"

screamed Cecil.

"For god sakes, just be quiet!" Edward retorted in a very harsh tone. He then scrambled towards to Sand Ruby…

And at the risk of not wanting to sound like a Robert Munsch book, plain and simple, Rydia screamed and pointed to Edward, and he looked down.


The Antlion was eating his torso! BUM BUM BUUUUM!

Now, with Edward crippled, and with his body and torso split in two, only Cecil and Rydia could fight the beast.

"For Edward's torso!" Cecil cried as a rally cry.

"DAMCYAN'S SATURDAY!" Rydia added.

Battle Scene Nao!
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Cecil and Rydia were finally in a proper battle position. Cecil in front, Rydia waiting in back.

Cecil attacked! Antlion used Counter Horn! OWCH!

Rydia called in Chocobo! It did a Chocobop!

The Antlion was entranced by the dances, and left, causing little to no harm!

Cecil, Rydia and the rest won the Battle Scene Nao! They obtained a Pendant of Lutz, 2 Gold Needles, and a free money!
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Cecil looked at the pendant, but it burned his hand. Rydia then picked it up, and put it on her neck. They looked to see that Edward had made himself two again. There was so much blood-jelly around, it would have caused the censors to go BEEP BEEP BEEP!. So we cloned him, I guess.

Cecil and Rydia stared at him dumbfounded.

"Who… what… where… why… how… did… you… reform?"

And then, the Almighty Author's voice, the kind that nice animals listen to, boomed through the cave.

"HERE, AND YE YOU MAY HAVE THIS DEVICE!"

Cecil asked, "What is it?"

"A CLONING DEVICE, FILTHY ORAKIAN! IF A LOVED ONE…"

Cecil quickly added, "Not."

Double-A continued. "DIES, THIS MAY BRING HIM OR HER BACK TO LIFE. HOWEVER, ONLY I MAY USE IT. GIVE IT HERE."

Cecil stuttered, "But… I…"

"DOST ONE DARE DEFY THE ALMIGHTY ONE?"

"No sir!" And the threesome gave AA back the Game Genie.

"NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, THERE'S A GIRL TALKING TO ME ON MSN. CHOW."

And the Almighty Author disappeared. Just like that. Everyone was silent for a good long while, until Rydia burst in with,

"GUYS! WE'VE MUST CURE SORA!"

"But you haven't met Sora/Rosa yet? How could you know about her?"

"DUH! CASTING CALL!"

"Oh, I forgot."

And the group returned to the house where Rosa/Sora was situated.


"Rosa! Where were you on Chapter Two?"

Rosa then woke up and beamed at the team's appearance. "Oh, Cecil. I'm so sorry, but I was sick, and we can't afford stunt doubles. I'm sorry."

Sora then interrupted. "Yeah! Sorry about your FACE!"

"Could you be quiet for once? I'm trying to score here!"

"Yeah. With a 20-year old baby!"

Cecil added, "Who's competent nao!"

"Yeah, but you're still a coward"
"Don't say that about my Cecil! I'll COUGH COUGH!"

Cecil returned to the talk. "You must rest now."

And then Rosa said, "No! I want to go with you!"

Edward then delivered his first, and hopefully only sincere explanation to Cecil. "She only wants to go with us nao."

"Perhaps you're right. And Rosa, theses are my pals, Eduardo…"

"Edward, please."

"And Rydia. Without them, you would've died."

"HI THERE!"

With Rydia's sheer volume in voice, the house's roof exploded. And the Old Man, the only person in the story who dislikes Rydia, scolded her.

Cecil then made arrangements with his friends. They would stay in the town of Kaipo tonight, and do some other junk tomorrow. Then, our producer arrived.

"Yeah, guys, I have some good news and bad news"
The group all said in unison, "What are they?"

"Well, the good news is that we're cutting off here, so Edward can skip his scene."

Edward shouted, "WOOHOO!"

"But the bad news is that our budget has been cut again. Take a look at today's check, guys."

Rosa then picked up a check for both personalities to see.

"OK! There's 51 dollars, plus fees, GST, PST, AST, and it all comes down to… nine dollars and fourty-two cents…?"

Rosa's other personality, Sora, piped up, "I AIN'T WORKING FOR TEN BUCKS! GET US OUTTA HERE!"

Edward added, "But we can't, as you guys were forced to do this scene. Said on our contract that if we give him our lifelong servitude, he've give us one piece of candy. Since I read the contract, I get to go free after this."

"YOU MEAN ME, MY GODSHELPUS OTHER SELF, THIS IDIOT, AND THIS CATONIC LITTLE FREAK GAVE UP OUR FREEDOM FOR ONE PIECE OF CANDY!"

"Pretty much, yeah."

"WELL, WHY ARE YA IN IT, WUSSY-BOY?"

"Dental plan."

And the arguments continued.
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Yay! Another Chappie done! And it's less contriversal! (Man, my head hurts baaad.)

Stay tuned for Chapter Five: How Many Fingers Do I Have?

Goodbye, peoples, and I'll just figure out if I can solve our budget cuts before Sora turns into Mamiya mode again. We don't want that to happen.