"Mathieu."
It seems like forever since Mathew's heard Francis call his name, and when he turns to face his father, there's a clarity in Francis' eyes he hasn't seen in a long time.
"Papa."
There's an awe in Mathew's voice as he responds, like he's seeing something magical. Then Francis holds out his arms and Mathew wraps his arms around his waist, burying his face in Francis's shoulder. Francis isn't fine, not really, but these past weeks since Arthur came, Mathew's begun to see a difference. The darkness in Francis's eyes hasn't gone away, not truely, and Mathew isn't really sure it ever will. Still, these days, more and more often, Mathew is noticing how the light in Francis's eyes is coming back, overtaking the darkness.
"You're back."
Mathew doesn't mean to say those words, they just seem to slip out, but Francis's only reaction is to hold Mathew tighter. Mathew doesn't want to break the embrace. Finally, he hears a whisper in his ear, chocked with emotion.
"Désolé, Mathieu. I have not been there for you as i should 'ave."
Francis doesn't give Mathew a chance to respond to that, which Mathew is grateful for, because he isn't sure how he should respond.
"And Merci, for staying by my side. I do not know where i would be without you. "
Francis' words are chilling, causing Mathew's stomach to churn at the memories, and he stiffens ever so slightly in Francis' arms. Francis releases Mathew just enough to look him in the face, and though Francis still looks tired and pale, there's more life in his eyes than before, and for Mathew, that's more than good enough. Mathew offers Francis a heartfelt smile in return, and though his eyes are burning, they remain dry. Mathew is done crying.
The exchange is cut short by the arrival of the two lesser sensitive family members.
"Yo, Mattie!"
Alfred chrips, wiggling himself under one of Francis' arms and inserting himself into the hug. Arthur simply clicks his tongue. It's more instinct than a conscious decision that drives Mathew to reach out a hand and haul Arthur into the group hug. Arthur blusters, but doesnt pull away.
"Really now, I just came to visit, but what is going on?"
Michelle had been disappointed when she learned that Francis and Arthur were going to continue living apart, even after they got back together, but Mathew understands the decision.
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder, my boy."
Arthur had once said those words to Mathew when he was younger. Mathew hadn't understood at the time. Now, seeing how Francis lights when Arthur visits, Mathew thinks it makes so much more sense. Alfred is just happy his parents are speaking again, and everytime Francis lights up, or Arthur forgets to hide his smile, Alfred shoots a gleeful look at Mathew that reminds him of their younger years.
Mathew makes the decision to slip away and leave his parents together. Alfred notices and chases after him. Almost instinctively, Mathew let's his feet take him out to the garden, the one Francis loves so much. The flowers he'd planted with Francis what seems like ages ago are blooming, Irises and tulips and roses. Red roses, the ones just for Arthur. It's odd, Mathew knows he should be happy, but instead something is twisting inside. After a moment, Mathew figures it out.
This is where he had tried so hard to bring Francis back. This is where he'd failed, day after day, seeing his Papa's eyes grow darker every day. The flowers are beautiful, but to Mathew, they're only symbols of his failure. A hand lands on his shoulder and Mathew suddenly remembers he's not alone. Alfred looks concerned when he speaks.
"Mattie?"
And Mathew finds himself spilling his heart about how he wasn't good enough, even though he knows it was something he couldn't do alone, that his whole family was needed, Mathew still can't help but feeling he's failed. Alfred's brows draw together as Mathew speaks, and his response jerks Mathew back to reality.
"I know."
Mathew stops babbling with shock and stares at Alfred. His brother's declaration sounds ludicrous to Mathew, but he can tell by Alfred's heavy tone that he means the word. For the first time Mathew notices the shadow in Alfred's eyes.
"Al?"
Alfred kicked somewhat bitterly at a rock, and Mathew's known him long enough to tell he's trying to keep a straight face. Alfred isn't the type to keep things in, and he confesses the cause of the shadow in a pained tone, not meeting Mathew's eyes.
"I know how it feels to not be able to help."
Mathew realizes what he did wrong. From the start Alfred had been willing to help, from giving him and Arthur space, to talking Arthur around, even to outright offering to help and flying down to France from England. And Mathew hadn't given him the chance. One by one he remembers each example of how he snubbed Alfred.
Anything I can do to help? A text. Mathew had ignored it. Mattie, what's wrong? Let me help you! Even when he was comforting Mathew during his panic attack, Mathew hadn't listened, instead attacking Arthur verbally. The look Alfred had given when he found out Mathew had called Lucille and Michelle but not him. But even though Mathew kept shutting him out, Alfred has still flown down to help, nursed Mathew through panic attacks and held him close even when he was coated in vomit, and encouraged him when he was down.
A lump forms in Mathew's throat, one that's hard to swallow past.
"Matt, why didn't you ask me for help?"
Alfred finally turns his eyes to Mathew, and Mathew finches at the earnest look in Alfred's blue eyes. Why hadn't he? Alfred had proven time and time again he was dependable, that he was helpful, so why hadn't Mathew seen what was right in front of him? The answer that comes to him is sickening to Mathew.
Because Alfred was his half-brother on Arthur's side, not Francis.
Mathew realizes that Arthur wasn't the only one drawing lines between the family.
