Cas slumped in his chair then continued to stare into nothing. As soon as he had said the demon's name, Bobby had been out of his chair and out of the kitchen, probably rushing to find whatever he could about Lilith. And as soon as Bobby had left, Dean had run.

Cas had never thought he would have to reveal who he was. Who he had been. It wasn't that he meant to lie to Dean or trick him, it was just that he had thought that part of his life was buried. Gone, like his grace.

He had never expected to be thrusted back into this. And with demons too. He had been shocked when he realized Dean was an actual hunter, but, out of all the creatures that roamed this earth, having to go against demons was…troubling to say the least.

Of course he had to tell Dean, tell them both he was an angel.

He had never considered revealing his secret to Dean, not just because he had wanted to forget about that life or because he had wanted to protect Dean from that world, but also because he hadn't thought Dean would believe him. That would have led to Cas 'showing' him, revealing that world to his husband and Dean would have… He would have viewed Cas differently after that. Just like he was doing now.

Cas huffed a laugh at his own thoughts. Dean didn't view him differently, he wouldn't even look at him.

And it hurt. Cas wasn't the only one responsible for keeping a secret, there had been not a single hint that Dean even knew about all the things that were out there, much less that he was a hunter. If he had known, Cas would have told him the truth. He would have.

And maybe, Dean would have shun him, rejected him and Cas would have moved on. They never would have fallen in love and gotten married and none of this… None of this would have happened. And Dean wouldn't have called it a mistake.

Cas still felt the sharp pain of that stab, deep in his chest. It intensified every time he remembered the look in Dean's eyes and the tone of his voice when he said it. And now that he was left alone, with no distractions to occupy his mind, it was all he could think about.

What was going to happen to them? Was… Was it over? Would they…

His lower lip started to tremble on its own and he pressed it against the upper one, drawing his lips into a thin line. The deep ache in his chest grew stronger, making it harder to breathe. Tears swelled in his eyes and he quickly shut them and held tight, willing the tears away.

In his few short years as a human, he had felt pain, but nothing ever came close to this.

He had read about heartbreak and seen it in the movies, and it always made him feel sad for the people involved, but he had never imagined it felt like this. Like his chest was caving into itself while the rest of his body was just numb and cold. In fact, it felt so cold, that Cas wanted to curl into himself, some strange logic telling him it would be just a little easier.

The light in the room was progressively becoming too much, so Cas kept his eyes shut, all the expressions Dean made after learning the truth flashing in his mind, making it hurt even more. He wished he could fall asleep, he certainly felt drained enough, but there was a good chance he would be plagued by nightmares if he even managed to drift away.

Everything hurt; so much.

Bobby's voice came from somewhere inside the house, interrupting, or rather distracting him from his pain. He was talking to someone, but it didn't seem like it was Dean. Whoever it was, he was filling them in and muttering something about a lore book he borrowed to a fellow hunter that might be of great help to them.

Cas wasn't sure if Bobby didn't know that, as an angel, Castiel held all knowledge in his hands or he simply didn't trust Cas. The latter would be more likely, as Bobbly was an old school kind of a hunter and Cas was, in a sense, a supernatural being. Maybe he should be lucky he hadn't been shot yet.

Perhaps Bobby wasn't confident that a bullet would kill him? Just because Cas claimed he was human, didn't mean he really was, not to Bobby at least.

Cas tensed as he heard footsteps coming back into the kitchen, but relaxed in the very next second, feeling a little indifferent of whatever actions Bobby might take. The hunter paused by the table and kind of loomed there for a moment, so Cas cracked open his eyes and craned his head up to look at him. There was something unreadable in his expression, but then the man shook it off and moved past the table to the kitchen cupboards. Pulling out a bottle of some cheap whiskey and two glasses, Bobby came back and sat across Cas. He poured the liquor and pushed one glass to Cas, then sighed deeply, almost hopelessly.

"I called Sam, he's on his way. Should be 'ere in a few. And I think after he gets here, you should tell us what you know about all of this."

"Bobby, I–" Cas tried to speak, but Bobby raised his hand to stop him.

"When he gets here, so I don't hefta repeat it all to him. Now, since I am definitely too old for this crap, I am gonna take this little pick-me-up and I suggest you do the same," Bobby said and took a swing of his drink, drowning it all and then pouring himself another.

It was on the tip of Cas' tongue to ask if this was another test, but he refrained. However he looked at it, it was definitely a test, whether a physical or a psychological one. Cas never really enjoyed hard liquor, but if it would help ease some of this pressure in his chest, he would take it. Mimicking Bobby's mannerism, he drowned the whole glass, grimacing at the burn the whiskey left in its wake.

"May I have another?" His voice was even rougher than usual, but he pushed the words out just as he pushed the now empty glass towards the old hunter. Bobby was kind enough to refill it.

He was on his fourth when there was a rumble of a car outside and Bobby rose up to investigate, to make sure it was Sam. Cas eyed the bottle the hunter left on the table, and even though the alcohol was helping, Cas decided to stop here. He needed to be at least somewhat sober for whatever came next.

Shifting in his chair, he grimaced at the slight discomfort, but it was forgotten the second the very tall and somewhat intimidating figure of Dean's brother stepped into the kitchen.

"Where's Dean?" was the very first thing he asked. The two brothers always had a special connection, one that Cas contributed to the fact that Dean almost raised him. But if both of them were a part of this world, and had been for a while, then the trust that ran deep made much more sense now.

"He's outside, mopin'." Bobby's words seem to calm the younger brother, whose focus immediately fell upon Cas. There was a certain intensity in his eyes that lasted for a few minutes, before it shifted into something more neutral. Finally, he moved, taking the other empty chair across Cas, while Bobby moved to fetch him a glass.

When Cas had first met Sam, he had been a little shorter and quite an interesting character. They had easily bonded over their love for books and fun little facts of life, and had, on occasion, teamed up to tease Dean. Cas had always considered his brother-in-law to be a good person and a good friend.

It was a high possibility that Cas lost that too.

"Bobby told me what happened and what… I guess I have you to thank for getting Dean out?"

"W-what?"

"Dean and I could barely manage two, maybe three demons if we're lucky. From what I hear, there was a whole hoard of them and I am sure that if it was for you and that blade of yours, Dean would have been dead." During his speech, Sam looked at the blade that was still laid on the table, and didn't seem to be able to tear his eyes away from it. "May I?"

Cas nodded, a little surprised to find more curiosity than resentment. Sam picked up the blade and while he examined it, Cas decided to start explaining what happened and what he saw, starting with what seemed the most prominent detail.

"They wouldn't have killed him." That seemed to drag Sam's and Bobby's (who had taken a seat beside Sam and poured him some whiskey) attention back to Cas. "As I told Bobby before, I believe they had been watching us, to learn when would be the prime time for an attack. They didn't expect for me to fight back, and there is a possibility they would have used me as leverage. I think they wanted to take Dean. I don't know why, but that is my impression."

Not that he would have let them. Cas would have fought tooth and nail to get Dean away from them. Not that it matters now.

"Why do you think they had been watching you guys before tonight?" Sam's tone was still calm, filled with curiosity and genuine interest.

"I thought the neighbor had rotten eggs in their trash." There hadn't been any other hint of the demonic presence, which was why Cas hadn't noticed anything wrong. They had probably been keeping a low profile, getting ready for the perfect opportunity.

Sam remained silent for a while, processing what Cas told him and probably coming up to the same conclusion - if they had wanted Dean dead, they would have sent a few demons and be done with him. It certainly wouldn't require one of the highest ranking demons to show up at their doorstep. Lilith wanted to make sure they were able to get Dean.

"And you don't have any idea what they would want with Dean?" Sam glanced up at him, his expression more open.

"I really don't. But whatever it is, it has to be something big." He had already known this, but as soon as the words left his mouth, it became so much more real. Demons wanted Dean for some reason. The thought was terrifying and it left Cas feeling helpless for the first time since he became human.

"Alright. Then that's what we need to find out." Sam's voice oozed confidence and strong determination, reminding Cas that, despite his easy going attitude, Sam too was most likely a somewhat experienced hunter just like Dean and Bobby were.

"I'm gonna go make some phone calls, see if anyone knows or has noticed anything demonic related," Sam said, getting up. Following his example, Bobby got to his feet too.

"Gonna call R'fus, he borrowed a few of my demonology books and I think it's the right time he brings 'em back." Cas figured they didn't really need any of those books as he already knew all there was to know about demons, but Bobby probably felt like he needed to do something, and if going through lore made him feel like he was helping, then who was Cas to stop him?

"What about Dean?" He didn't care that he sounded worried, it was how he felt. Dean went out there and it had been a while.

"Bobby's got this place warded up pretty good, so you don't have to worry about anything getting in. As for the other thing… Knowing Dean, he needs a little time and space to process it all." Sam didn't say his brother would come around, or that everything would be okay; instead, he gave him a sympathetic look and a curt nod before stepping out of the room.

Cas was left alone with his thoughts again.

He took shallow breaths, listening in for Bobby moving around the house and for Sam making calls, anything to keep his mind off Dean. It was about an hour later when the back door opened. Cas turned to see who it was and only managed to catch a glimpse of Dean's back as his husband retreated deeper into the house, avoiding him.

Cas sighed, turning back to focus on the empty bottles and glasses on the table.

There was a sound of water running somewhere upstairs and feet stomping around, doors banging. Sam was still somewhere in the back, talking, and occasionally interrupted by Bobby's irritated grumbles. The stale scent of old books infused with alcohol kept teasing his nose, but somehow he found it soothing. His throat and tongue still burnt from the whiskey and he felt… Uncomfortable. He should really go and try to find a bathroom.

Dean stepped back into the room, quickly followed by Sam and Bobby. Cas didn't think they talked privately, but he couldn't be sure. Bobby took his chair and Sam went to take his, but Dean pushed past him and claimed it for himself, obviously not wanting to sit next to Cas. Another pang in his chest made Cas curl up into himself a little.

With a huff, Sam sat in the last remaining chair. "Alright, we need to work this out and figure out why the demons wanted Dean. I have–"

"What do you mean, they want me?"

"Well, we established that they most likely wanted to take you–"

"Oh, you guys established that, huh? You mean the angel boy over here didn't know?" Dean looked pissed, but Sam was frowning too at being interrupted. Cas felt another stab in his chest.

"None of us can be sure, but come on, Dean. You and me both know if they wanted you dead, you'd be dead," Sam's tone was a little harsh, filled with annoyance, but Dean just huffed at his words and shook his head.

"Yeah, and I guess that you think that without Cas there, I might have been kidnapped, right?"

"Dean, it was obvious they didn't know, we didn't. There was nothing to indicate–"

"Of fucking course not! Because he kept it from us! Three years, Sammy. Three fucking years and I had no idea. I had no idea that the man I married was–" It stung, to be talked about like he wasn't even there. Like those three years together meant nothing to him. But Cas hadn't known either. And just like Dean, he had thought he was protecting his husband and living a new, different life.

"I don't know what else he told you, but I don't believe a word he says." Dean's words were hissed after he cut himself off abruptly, still directed at Sam. But then, he leaned back in his chair and glanced Cas' way, the look in his eyes filled with disgust. "For all I know he's in on it."

"HOW FUCKING DARE YOU?!" As soon as Dean's words registered, Cas was on his feet, almost screaming at Dean. "You think I would ever be capable of this?! Is your opinion of me so low right now that you would think I am actually siding with demons?"

"Well, how the fuck would I know?! Not like you were truthful about who you were!" Dean rose from his seat too, those green eyes that used to hold so much affection were now cold and calculated. Cas couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"And you were? You were completely honest about who you were?! All this time I thought you were just a mechanic, a regular human with regular problems! Don't you think I would have said something had I known you were a hunter?! That you knew about what was out there?! I thought I was protecting you from that world, I thought–"

"Well you thought wrong! You should have told me the truth!"

"Alright, guys, I don't think–" Sam tried to interfere, and before he knew what he was doing, Cas turned to glare at him. Luckily, he caught himself before he said anything he might regret. Not that it stopped Dean from cutting his brother off.

"Shut up, Sam and stay the fuck out of this!"

"Dean!" Sam's eyes were wide, expression filled with surprise and outrage.

"ENOUGH!" All three flinched when Bobby brought his hand down on the table with such force that it almost sounded like a gunshot. "Calm the fuck down! All this fightin' ain't helping for shit. Now, we are gonna sit down and come up with a game plan for t'morrow and then we're all gonna catch some shut eye, got it?"

"Yes, Bobby," was Sam's reply. Cas just nodded, feeling a little ashamed that he allowed his feelings to get the best of him and make him shout at Dean like that. Dean just mumbled something, still looking pissed.

"What was that, boy?" Bobby glared at him, daring Dean to try and fight him.

"Yes, sir!" There was so much spite and anger in his tone, Cas had never heard it before. Dean raised his chin in some kind of a dare, and Cas fully expected Bobby to yell at him some more, or even hit him. Instead, the old hunter just heaved a heavy sigh and shook his head.

"I talked to Rufus, he's on a hunt in Wichita, but the books he borrowed are in his cabin at the Red Lake reservation. I think it's really important we go fetch them."

"And I talked to a few of my contacts, and it seems that Chambers has some information, but it's sensitive. He is in Arkansas, but he agreed to meet us in Kansas city," Sam added after Bobby finished.

"Alright, let's go." Dean moved to get up, but Sam raised his hand and made him pause.

"I'm taking Cas. You're going with Bobby."

"What? Why!?" Dean shouted, looking between the two hunters. Cas was curious about their decision and maybe a little nervous too, not because he feared Sam or anything. No matter their argument and where they stood now, Cas was worried about leaving Dean alone when he knew there were demons after him.

"Because you need the long drive to cool down and because I am not putting up with your bullshit for the whole ride. Bobby's older than you and he can just tell you to shut up. Besides, I don't want you anywhere near other hunters right now." Sam's voice was firm and commanding, and it was obvious Dean didn't expect this by the way he spluttered. He was just about to protest when Bobby put his foot down, proclaimed they all agreed to this and shooed them all to bed, grumbling about it being nearly two in the morning, and how he needed sleep.

Cas suddenly felt really tired. It had been a taxing day and he had been very uncomfortable for the last few hours; he really needed a shower and a bed. Not sure if he would get a response from Dean if he asked, Cas turned to Sam in hopes that his brother-in-law could direct him to the nearest bathroom. Sam went beyond and offered some old clothes they had previously left in Bobby's house.

Dean's eyes followed him all the way up the stairs.

It was a little easier to breathe once he was alone in the bathroom, yet still somehow harder. The ache in his chest spiked up, wrenching a sob out of him, but he stifled it before anyone on the other side of the door could hear it. It was just too much, all of it.

Trying to get his mind off it all, Cas moved to the tub and started the water, fixing it to the correct temperature before he started stripping. As soon as his boxers hit the floor, he was in the tub and under the spray, hiding any tears under the tracks of water on his face.

Cas let the shower relax him a little, warm him up before he took a deep breath. Reaching behind, his hand trembled as he felt for the cool metal, grasped it tightly and pulled it out. He dropped the plug on the edge of the tub and leaned forward, placing his head on the cool tiles, breathing deeply. Another sob bubbled within him, and this time, he let it out, sliding down as his knees gave up.

Cas allowed himself only a few minutes to fall apart before he took a deep breath and picked himself up, finished his shower and got out. He had no idea if the clothes Sam gave him were his or Dean's, so he decided not to dwell about it. He was too tired anyway. All he wanted right now was to crawl into bed and try to forget this day even happened, at least for a little while.

He gasped as he opened the bathroom door and found Dean standing there. His green eyes snapped to Cas' the moment the door moved, his gaze intense and so different than Cas had ever seen. He couldn't even decipher the emotions within them.

Without a word, he ducked his head and exited the bathroom, heading for the spare room Sam had pointed out to him previously. It was only when Cas finally settled down to sleep that he remembered he left the plug in the bathroom. He groaned, feeling the mistake as yet another blow and then closed his eyes, hoping he would at least get to fall asleep fast, if that wasn't too much to ask?