"Marry me."
She felt like time had stopped and she'd become paralyzed. "Wh-what?" she sputtered out, turning her face to look at his.
"Marry me, Jen."
She let out a nervous laugh, still not daring to believe it. "Are you serious?"
"Damn straight."
He didn't even hesitate, and he definitely looked serious. She wasn't sure how to take it and her thoughts went into overdrive. She hadn't expected him to actually ask this soon. She knew it was coming eventually, because it was Jethro, and he was traditional in a lot of ways. But she thought they'd agreed to take their time. She was worried he wasn't thinking clearly, especially after the emotional day he'd had.
"I can get on one knee if ya need me to."
"Jethro, I-you-I mean…you can't be serious."
"Never been more serious. I love you, Jen. Don't want anyone else. You an' the baby."
"We've only been together for a few months."
He snorted. "Try years."
"But it wasn't consistent…we were apart for more years than we were together."
"This is just like when we talked about ya movin' in," he sighed in defeat. "We're talkin' in circles." He removed his hand from her belly and she pulled her shirt back down, frustrated with the way he stiffened defensively against her.
"If ya don't wanna marry me, just say so," he snapped.
"I didn't say that," she snapped back.
They glared at each other for a minute.
She sighed and looked away, feeling her neck ache from the awkward position. She laid on her back against him again and pulled his hand back to her belly insistently, feeling him relax a little. She didn't want to fight. It just took her by surprise.
"I'm not used to not being independent. Having to be so immersed with another person on a daily basis. It scares me."
"You sayin' ya need time again?" he asked quietly.
"I-I don't know."
She'd wondered what it would be like to hear him propose. She'd thought about it back when she was young and in love in Europe, parading around as his fake wife with a fake ring on her finger. Would she have said yes back then though? Or would she have still broken his heart? It didn't matter, since he wasn't on the same page back then. Perhaps that was why she was so thrown off now, because he was the one advancing them forward this time and surprising her with commitment she had never seen or experienced before.
"I know I want you…I don't want to be with anyone else either," she said quietly. "I don't know why the thought of settling down makes me so nervous. I've never been in this position before."
He breathed in by her neck and wrapped his arms around her. "This isn't normally the reaction I get," he muttered. She could feel his smirk against her neck.
"Mm, I'm sure you're used to women crying and throwing their arms around you and shouting for joy that they've found their knight in shining armor."
"Yup."
She snorted, not surprised. "I'm not some simpering woman looking for a man with a bank account who will support me."
"No, you're not," he laughed. "Probably why I like ya so much."
"Jethro, why today? Of all days, why would you ask now?"
"I don't know. Felt right," he shrugged. "Time to move on."
They sat in silence for a couple of minutes, silently digesting. It worried her that he was asking on the anniversary day that he'd lost his family, and right after he'd felt the baby move too. She was worried he wasn't thinking clearly. That he was acting emotionally as opposed to rationally. That he was just replacing his family with a new one.
"Last week," he spoke up, "I kept thinkin'…what if things had been worse. What if I lost both of you. I had to lie at the hospital, tell 'em I was your husband. Felt like I was back in Europe again, tryin' to sell a lie that I knew shouldn't be a lie." He sighed in frustration, holding her hand in his and rubbing his thumb across the back of her hand. "I want to be your husband, Jen. Not just some coworker you had a fling with. I wanna be the partner you grow old with."
It was unusual for him to be this vulnerable and open. She knew he was putting himself out of his comfort zone with this whole thing. It helped her fight down her sarcastic urge to roll her eyes at how sentimental he was being, because she knew he was trying and that he meant it. He wasn't playing games. He'd been trying a lot over the course of this relationship. Learning to communicate, and let go of certain things. It had been an adjustment for both of them.
She twisted her body against his so that she could look at him, adjusting so she wasn't too uncomfortable. "You're a real sweet bastard sometimes, you know that?"
He lifted his hand up, caressing her face, his fingers spreading and brushing the back of her neck. "So?" he breathed out.
"So what?" she feigned.
"Marry me?"
"Oh, that," she played dumb. "Mm, that'll be the day."
He shook his head and sighed, clearly pained by how hard she was making things. He looked at her very seriously.
"Jennifer pain-in-the-ass Shepard, would you do me, the bastard, the honor of marrying me?"
Her heart was racing. She knew there was no more time to ignore the question. Pulling out the "I need to think about it" card was cowardly at this point in their relationship. He was serious about this. There were two options, one of which would break the trust they'd built up to now, and take a lot to come back from. The other option, which was the answer in her heart, terrified her.
She cleared her throat and took a deep breath. "I can't believe I'm saying this…" she shook her in disbelief, smiling in spite of herself. She really never thought she'd find herself in this position, because she had pretty much made it a goal to never be. But here she was, and she couldn't help but be happy. She could feel his heart beating rapidly against her as she took another breath, drawing it out.
"Yes. I'll marry you, Leroy Jethro chauvinist Gibbs."
His face lit up, one of the cockiest smiles she'd ever seen gracing his features. He was ecstatic, and not bothering to hide one bit of it. He pressured his fingers against her neck and lifted his head up to hers, kissing her gently. "It's about time," he muttered against her lips.
"This coming from the man who couldn't say I love you," she laughed.
"Put a baby inside ya, didn't I?"
"Not intentionally."
"Well, I'm intentional now."
"Uh-huh, sure you are."
Her teasing didn't bother him one bit, he was still undeniably happy as he beamed. He kissed her again, holding her close. She hugged him back, pressing her face into his neck as she smiled.
"Thank heavens I have a man with a bank account to save me," she sighed dramatically. "Me and little Timmy here will have someone to provide us with bread and water, and all I have to do is let my cowboy provider have his way with me sometimes."
"Timmy?" he scoffed. "Gonna name the kid after McGee now?"
"Of course not. It was just the first ridiculous one that popped into my head. Like Tiny Tim in A Christmas Carol."
He stared at her, bemused by her mind at times. She had a comeback for everything. "You always gotta make everything so hard."
"Including you," she smirked.
"Leave that part out when ya tell people about the proposal."
"You know, it's not like I expected you to marry me just because you impregnated me. It's not like we're living in the antiquated days of our ancestors," she sighed.
He shook his head at the teasing feminist rant, moaning in pain into her shoulder. He decided the best way to quiet her rant and enjoy the moment was to glue his mouth to hers again.
She'd practically shoved him out of the door today. Out of his door. She wasn't due to go back to work for another day, and she didn't like the idea of him hanging around in the house to watch over her. Apparently he was "hovering" and making her feel "claustrophobic"…in his house!
She was already acting like a wife and it had only been a couple days since he proposed.
Normally he'd want to go back to work…but in this case, he knew he was going to have to face people who knew a lot more about his personal life now. A lot more than he was comfortable with them knowing. After her fainting incident and him disappearing when she did, the entire building knew that he was the one who had impregnated Jenny and that they were together. He felt exposed. There were already people giving him looks when he'd gotten into the building. He didn't like anyone at work knowing about his personal life. It made things awkward, and sometimes it made things messy. In this case, it was doubly worse since she was the Director of all of them. There was no way it wouldn't cause issues or raised eyebrows at times. People would probably question if his team was getting special treatment.
If special treatment was him getting shoved out of his house and forced to go to work, then they were right.
He glared in the elevator, holding his coffee cup steady and trying to put on his best blank expression. He didn't want anyone to think that he cared that they cared. Because he didn't care if they cared. It wasn't their business.
He took a breath when the ding sounded and made his way into the bullpen.
Tony's mouth dropped open immediately at his appearance. "Boss," he splurted awkwardly, getting out of his chair for some reason. It was like he was nervously greeting a girl on his first date, and Gibbs tried not to roll his eyes.
"How's Jenn"—Gibbs' glared hard at the young man—"er, the Director. How's the Director doing?"
He nearly didn't answer and headed to his chair, but then he felt Ziva's eyes on him and turned to see her clearly wondering too, maybe even a little anxious.
"Better," he responded, looking at Ziva and giving her a small smile.
"That's good, that's really good, isn't that great guys?" Tony stammered nervously. Gibbs shook his head and went to his chair. He knew things might be a bit awkward, but he didn't know why they all seemed so off.
"So, you're back today, Boss?"
He shut his things in his drawer and pressed the power button on his computer. "Yeah."
"There's probably something you should know before—"
Tony was cut off by a voice on the catwalk. "Special Agent Gibbs."
Gibbs' eyes darted up, recognizing the voice in a second. He squinted at the man, questioning why he was there. Leon Vance had aged a little since he'd last seen him.
"If you could come upstairs, I'd like a word." With that the man turned and headed back up the stairs.
His gut was churning. He was reminded of what Jenny had said ages ago when she'd informed SecNav that she was pregnant…that he was going to make sure Leon was ready to permanently take her place in case she decided to be a stay-at-home mom. He glared hard, feeling defensive.
His team all stared at him nervously as he left the bullpen. He was more than a little annoyed that Leon had not only gone into Jenny's office, but that he was sitting behind her desk.
"Shut the door," Vance said as soon as he walked in. He clenched his teeth, trying not to shut it too aggressively before he turned around and glared at the other man.
"Been a while, Gibbs."
"Uh-huh."
Leon smirked and got up, grabbing Gibbs' hand and depositing money into it. Gibbs stared at the bills and change, completely confused.
"Two dollars and forty two cents…?" he questioned, looking back up at Leon.
"It's for the cheese danish."
Gibbs smirked, the memory flashing back to him. They'd all been back at the office after the part of the op they'd worked on with Leon had gone sour. After Jenny had been shot. Leon had a confrontation with McCallister in the cafeteria, and he'd ended up slamming his hand right into the cheese danish Gibbs had just purchased.
"That was seven years ago."
"Eight," Leon replied, smirking.
"Why are you here?" he finally questioned.
"SecNav sent me. The Assistant Director needs to pick up the slack when the Director is out of commission."
"She's comin' back tomorrow," he pointed out. He knew there was more to this. It was only a week, and Leon could easily assist where he lived. Jenny managed teams in different countries from where she was at.
"It's precautionary, in case she isn't recovered by tomorrow and can't do the job. It's good to have backup to assist, just in case."
"Seems to me like you're hoping to take her job soon."
"Like I said, I'm just doing my job. I'm doing what SecNav tells me."
"Lotta good it did in the Czech Republic when you did what you were told," he snapped.
Leon's face darkened. "If you had done what you were told back then, we wouldn't have ended up in that position," he snapped. "I know it's always been lost on you, Gibbs, but they write the rules for a reason."
"I have rules too."
"Who could forget."
They just glared at each other for a few seconds.
"I'm well aware of your relationship with Director Shepard. Never been comfortable with intimacy between management and staff myself."
He clenched his jaw. "Neither have I," he shot back. He hadn't ever been comfortable with relationships in the workplace. Not when he was her boss, and not now. Work was work, personal life was personal life. It was never a good idea to mix the two, and they'd proved that back in Europe. Jenny had always been the one to push him out of his comfort zones.
It wasn't either of their faults that they just happened to fall in love despite working together. And he wouldn't change a thing, even if people weren't "comfortable" with it.
Leon raised an eyebrow at his admittance. "That's a bold statement, considering your current position. You'll want to be careful, Agent Gibbs. You and Director Shepard have not just been office gossip over the last week. I'm sure you can guess that you've also been on the discussion table of the people higher up."
"It's all on me," he snapped. "If anyone has a problem with it, they need to take it out on me."
"When she took on this spot she assured SecNav that you wouldn't be an issue. Evidence points to the contrary now. It's her own word against her."
"What, they plannin' to fire her or something?"
"I didn't say that. Certain things are simply being assessed."
"She's pregnant, Leon, not committing acts of terrorism. I don't see what the big deal is. You an' all those other guys have kids."
"We have wives who aren't our Directors," Leon shot back.
"Yet when I was her boss you all just turned a blind eye?"
"You were undercover together. Undercover as a married couple. In those deep undercover situations, everyone turns a blind eye."
"I still don't see what the problem is," he snapped.
"It's a problem when the Director collapses and ends up in the hospital. If she had been shot and ended up in the hospital, I'd be here all the same."
"She's back tomorrow, so you can leave then."
"Do you know how inconvenient it was for me to be called here last minute? I didn't even get the chance to say goodbye to my kids, Gibbs. I had to go off in the middle of the night, no warning. I missed Jared's school performance that I promised him I'd go to. My family is used to me having to take off for my job, but it's not easy on them or me. And I know that you know what it's like. I'm here because my boss told me to be, not because I want to be. So I suggest you lose the attitude."
Gibbs pursed his lips, taking in a breath and backing down. He did know exactly what it was like to take off on his family and miss things. He would always regret all the moments in Kelly's life that he had missed, all the opportunities that he could have been with Shannon instead of out in the desert.
"I called you up here for two reasons, Gibbs. One was to give you some warning, because while I may not approve of the nature of your relationship, I still hold respect for both of you. The second reason I called you up here was to see if your head is in the right space to be working. I need to know that you won't be distracted. We need assurance that your personal relationship won't be affecting the way you lead your team and conduct business."
"It never has," he shot out.
Vance studied him for a second. "Okay." He gave a solemn nod of belief. "You're dismissed back to your team, Agent Gibbs."
Gibbs gave a nod and turned to leave, stopping for a second at the door. He didn't want to say it, but he knew he owed the man for the heads up. "Thanks, Leon," he grunted before grabbing the door handle and making his way out.
He finally understood what Jenny was talking about with the 'chauvinistic men' in the agency. He used to think she was just being over-dramatic. But she was right, her being a female and in a position of power was treated vastly differently. It didn't matter if she worked harder than the others, she didn't have the same kind of opportunities or leeway. It was fine if the other bosses had kids, it was fine if they even messed around with their secretaries or harbored secret love children. Jenny couldn't even have a personal life or have kids without it affecting her entire job. He felt a tinge of guilt hit him, because it was his fault that her job was in a precarious situation.
He didn't want her to have her job and have their kid. He knew it was dangerous, and he certainly didn't want their kid raised by strangers while they just worked. He secretly hoped she would stay home with the baby. But this wasn't how he wanted it to be decided. He wanted it to be her choice, because she actually wanted to stay home, not because she was forced out. After all the work she'd gone through for so many years just to get where she was, he knew it was unfair. It had been hard enough on her dealing with this unexpected pregnancy—but to have it be the reason she was forced out? It would be a harsh final blow.
He sure as hell would fight for her. If it came down to it, he'd make them fire him instead. He had no issues about staying home with his kid. Perhaps he'd make up for all that time he had missed last time. Family came first.
As soon as he walked into the bullpen Tony spoke up.
"Sorry, boss, we were gonna warn—"
"It's fine. Don't worry about it," he grunted. "He been here the whole time?"
"Showed up the morning after the Director fainted, right after Ducky told us they were discharging her," McGee replied.
Gibbs nodded and sat back down. "What happened while I was gone?"
"Figured out who was poisoning a Navy lieutenant working with IAEA. Poisoned by thallium in his cigars," Tony supplied. "He was a dead man walking."
"His funeral was yesterday," Ziva said bitterly. Gibbs turned to look at her, not missing the unusual presence of emotion in her voice.
"Ziva and him really hit it off," Tony said quietly.
Gibbs looked at Ziva until she looked back at him, seeing if she was okay. He gave a slight tilt of his head, silently asking, and she gave a nod back. He nodded back and let it go, but he could tell it was affecting her. Tony was clearly a bit unsettled, and he wasn't sure if that was because of Ziva or Vance or both. He knew he was definitely off his own game too. At least McGee seemed like his normal self. Perhaps they would get a good case to distract them soon.
"Gibbs, Gibbs, Gibbs, Gibbs!"
He about felt his ribs crack from the force of Abby colliding into him and squeezing him to death.
"I just knew it! I knew you were the dad. I can't believe you guys didn't tell us this entire time. It's so sweet and romantic, because it's always been obvious that you two belong together. Though I guess it makes sense you didn't tell us because you never tell us any—"
"Abs," he grunted out in pain.
"I'm sorry!" she said as she released him. "I can't help it, I'm just so happy for you guys. I can't believe you're having a baby. Is the Director okay? And the baby?"
"They're fine, Abs."
"Good, because there's just so many questions I want to ask, like is it a girl or a boy? And when is it due? And is the Director quitting since her scary assistant guy is here?"
"Abby," he soothed, placing his hands on her shoulders.
"Oh, come on, Gibbs," she whined. "You have to tell me something. And we have to do a baby shower for the Director! It's her first baby ever, and everyone needs to have—"
"Abby, no."
She sighed. "Are you two seriously going to deprive me of all the fun? First you don't even tell us, now you won't tell me the gender, and you seriously won't let me throw a baby shower?"
He sighed. "I just came down here to get McGee."
McGee gave him a guilty look and stood up. Gibbs knew he was hiding out with Abby because they had nothing to do and Tony and Ziva were both moody. He honestly didn't blame the kid. He wanted to hide too, especially with Vance hovering around. He didn't realize how much he loved the view of Jenny standing up there watching them all, until the sight was replaced with Leon.
"You're taking McGee from me too? Can you not let me have anything? I'll die of boredom down here without him and without any baby details to think about."
"Don't you have cases to solve?"
"I'm running tests for another team, but they take a billion years. I have nothing to do but wait, Gibbs, and I don't like waiting. Without McGee down here I'll be alone." She looked at him with pleading eyes.
He rubbed his head, feeling a headache coming on. "Fine, you can have McGee. But he better be helpin' you work." It wasn't like he needed McGee upstairs anyway, they certainly weren't doing anything more important.
She threw her hands in the air. "Thank you, thank you, thank you! I promise I'll keep him busy."
He nodded, sure that when she said "keep him busy" she wasn't talking about work. Probably idle chitchat and nerd things they thought were fun. He still found it odd that a couple years ago they had actually been a thing. He turned to head out the door, trying not to think about the weirdness of it.
"And Gibbs?"
He stopped and turned to look at Abby again.
"Congratulations. I'm really happy for you guys."
He couldn't help the way his lip quirked up, because he was happy too. He walked to her, pressing a kiss to her cheek. "Thanks, Abs."
He shook his head when he left, hearing her squeal to McGee about how exciting it all was. Perhaps McGee was wishing he'd just come with him to be spared the female excitement. He decided to head to autopsy next, knowing he should probably check in with Ducky.
"Duck," he greeted as the doors swished open.
"Ah, Jethro." Ducky greeted from his chair by the computer, putting his cup of tea down. "I was just wondering about you. Sit down if you wish. Would you like a cup of tea?"
He declined the offer, knowing Ducky already knew the answer and was just being polite. He sat down in the chair by Ducky's that he had gestured to.
"How is Jennifer doing?"
"She's good. Should be back tomorrow."
"Wonderful, I'm glad to hear it. And how are you?"
"Good. What about you, Duck, how've you been?"
"Not overwhelmed, thank heavens. It's been a little quiet the last week. Mr. Palmer is off somewhere today, enjoying whatever it is the kids his age do now. It's been interesting having Leon back as well. It's been years."
He simply nodded.
"That short period where we worked with him in Europe, I thought the three of you would kill each other some days. You and Jennifer were bad enough with your stubborn attitudes…adding in a third really stirred the pot."
He snorted. "Glad ya survived us all."
Ducky's eyes twinkled. "Believe me, so am I."
They both chuckled and Ducky took another sip of his tea. He decided to fill the silence, because he had come down here with news, even if he wasn't one for making announcements.
"I uh," he started, pausing as Ducky looked at him. He felt ridiculous announcing it, maybe because it wasn't the first time he'd announced this kind of news to Ducky. "asked Jen to marry me."
Ducky's face lit up. "That is exciting news indeed. That is," the man paused, looking at him seriously, "if Jennifer said yes?"
He chuckled. It was a valid question. "Scared her, but she decided she was willin' to settle for me."
"Settle," Ducky scoffed. "Nonsense. You two have always fit together. The proverbial yins to each other's yangs, if you will. That baby of yours will be quite the lucky lad."
"Hope so."
"I know so."
He just smiled at the doctor and didn't respond.
"You seem troubled, Jethro."
He shrugged. "Leon," he simply growled.
"I take it he is here to do more than just substitute?"
"Said they're 'assessing' things," he snorted. "They're worried she can't do her job."
"Perhaps they're more worried she'll prove she can," Ducky mused. "Worried she'll put them all to shame by doing even more. If they know her at all, which they should, they know Jennifer has always been able to do whatever she puts her mind to. She's got a stubborn streak that rivals yours. Women will always intimidate men. They have an ability to multitask that we sorely lack. A knack for making us men look rather pathetic."
Gibbs laughed. Ducky had a solid point. He was very glad Ducky launched into one of his stories about the topic, grateful for the distraction and not having to talk anymore.
"You knew?"
"Of course I knew," Jenny snapped. "I'm technically his boss. We have to work around each others schedules all the time. They notified me that he was here to pick up my slack."
He gaped at her. He'd spent most of his day wondering what kind of explosion awaited him at home when he informed Jenny that Leon was there. Instead, she knew. Now he just felt offended that she didn't warn him or bother to mention it. He put his fork down, ignoring the food on the table.
"Why didn't ya tell me?"
"Does it matter?" she scoffed.
"I thought it would to you."
She shrugged, looking away and down at her plate, picking at the food. "It didn't surprise me. The minute I decided to keep this baby…I knew it would only be a matter of time. They barely trusted me when they put me in. Getting pregnant…it just cements it in their minds. They can barely understand a woman being in a high position, but a woman with children, well, it's ludicrous."
Her tone was bitter and sarcastic, and he could tell the thoughts had been eating away at her.
"The part that gets to me the most, is that I understand how they feel."
He furrowed his eyebrows and looked at her, waiting for her to explain. She glanced at him and looked away again, stabbing a piece of chicken and sliding it around the plate.
"I never trusted the women in the workplace who chose the family life either," she said, putting her fork down too. "It just-it didn't make sense to me. I was on the fast track for so many years, working my ass off. I never wanted to get married, and I certainly never wanted children." Her hand went absentmindedly to her belly for a second before she went back to nervously playing with her fork.
"I didn't have time for any of it, and I didn't want to make the time. The working mothers I ran into, I knew they would always prioritize their children and family over work. To me that was a weakness. How could they properly do their job when they had other priorities? And the women that would leave to go be full-time mothers instead, I just really didn't get them. I didn't understand why they'd throw away all the years of work to get where they were, just to choose to stay home with tiny humans who didn't do anything."
She shrugged again. "I still can't say I totally get it…but I'm starting to understand. But it still stands, if I were them, I'd be grooming a replacement too. I wouldn't trust me either."
He watched her go back to eating, thinking about what she'd said. The pain in her eyes and her last admission made him hurt for her. He thought about what his opinion on women in the workplace had always been. He certainly hadn't trusted her when she'd first come to work for him. And having women in the field still bothered him to an extent. He didn't like them being in danger, and he had to stop himself sometimes from being overprotective of them in the field and actually let them do their job. He had to let them risk their life—because that was what they had signed on for. But he still took the lead and charged in front of them when they were going through doors. And whenever a woman at NCIS had left to raise a family, he'd never thought twice about it, because to him that was what they were supposed to do. That was what they'd signed on for by becoming a mother.
Perhaps he was too traditional, just a chauvinist. But he knew he couldn't deny that he treated the women different than the men too.
"If they push you out…" he paused, wondering if this was even a safe question to ask. She looked at him expectantly, waiting. He cleared his throat, changing what he was going to ask and getting to the point. "What do you want them to do, Jen? What do you want?"
She stared at him for several seconds, looking like she was trying to keep it together. "I don't know," she finally whispered. "It's such new territory for me…I never thought I'd find myself in this position. Just like everything else the last few months." Her hand went to her belly again and then she moved it off almost immediately and sighed.
"What do you want?" she suddenly demanded. "Are you hoping they'll move me out so I can stay home with the baby?"
He froze, realizing he was in a dangerous spot. If he were honest, he'd much rather she was home with the baby. They were both safer that way. She'd been shot at so many times, she'd been taken hostage, hell, she always had to have a protective detail around when she was working. The risk involved in her job terrified him, ten times more now that she was pregnant and having a baby.
He chose the safest answer he could come up with. "I want whatever makes you happy."
She studied him for a second. "Which you wish was me wanting to stay home with the baby."
"I want you both to be safe."
"So that answers that," she said, rolling her eyes and shaking her head in annoyance.
"Is it wrong of me to want you to be safe?" he demanded.
"What about you?" she said, throwing her arms out. "You think I don't worry about you being safe either? I've watched you nearly die so many times that it isn't even funny. You practically hold a record for getting blown up and shot at. What are we supposed to do if you get hurt?"
He was strongly reminded of all the times he and Shannon had the same conversation. She was constantly worried he'd be coming home in a casket. Instead, he was the one who came home to two. That was something he couldn't handle repeating.
"This is pointless," he muttered.
"Pointless?" she shrieked. "You have some nerve. You think it would be easy for me to lose you at this point?"
"This isn't about me. I asked what you wanted."
"This is about you! This is about both of us."
"I know, but what do you want?" he demanded again.
"I told you I don't know," she snapped.
With that she shoved away from the table. He rubbed his hand across his face, cursing under his breath as he heard her make her way upstairs. He stabbed at the rest of his food moodily. After ten minutes of silence that felt like an hour, he got up and decided to head after her.
The door to the room they'd been sleeping in was closed. He took a breath and grabbed the handle, opening it gently. She was laying on the bed, her back to him. He kicked off his shoes and went to the bed, which dipped down as he scooted in behind her.
"Every time I dramatically try to get space, you don't let me," she muttered.
He wrapped an arm around her. "Last time I didn't come after you, I didn't see you for six years."
Her hand brushed across the wrist of the arm he had around her as she rested her hand over his. "I'm too big to escape now."
He chuckled. "Guess I shoulda got you pregnant back then."
"You probably should have," she whispered quietly.
He didn't know why she sounded the way she did. "Jen, what's wrong?"
"Me, I guess."
He waited for her to explain, brushing his thumb across her wrist.
"I really don't know what I want anymore. It's frustrating. It's like I had this whole life plan, and it's all just falling apart. Nothing is certain anymore, and my goals are practically nonexistent. But the most frustrating part is that I'm almost okay with it. I shouldn't be feeling okay with it."
He understood what she meant in a way. He thought he'd spend the rest of his life brooding alone about the injustice of life. He thought he'd mourn and get what he deserved for being a bastard. And somehow he was getting more than he deserved. He had Jenny and a baby on the way, and it wasn't what he had envisioned for his future at all. He wasn't supposed to be happy.
"I shouldn't be okay with losing the career I've worked all these years for. I never wanted to marry or have a baby. It's like I'm losing who I am. I should be hunting down the man who killed my father, not sitting here being embraced by a man who loves me."
He furrowed his brows. "Hunting down…?"
"I had the chance," she breathed out. "After you left to Mexico. I finally had a solid tip off. I finally tracked down La Grenouille. It was my golden moment to seize the opportunity I'd wanted for so many years. I could see exactly the kind of op I could start to make it happen, to catch him and make him pay."
He was still, shocked from the new information. He had no idea she'd been keeping track of the man who she thought killed her father. He knew so little about it in general.
"What stopped you?" he asked—the image of blood spurting against a truck window in dusty Mexico flashing through his head.
"You did."
"…what?"
"Because you were gone. I was too busy trying to keep your team together. Too busy missing you. I wanted so badly to take up the opportunity to get him…but it was too much at that point. It would have involved sending in an agent, and it was risky. I wasn't sure how worth it the whole thing was anymore. Sometimes I still wish I'd just gone through with it."
"It wouldn't have been worth it," he said quietly.
She stiffened against him. Of course he would know. She had known deep down after finding out about his family's murder that it wasn't something he would have let rest. "You're sure it didn't help you at all?" she whispered.
"I thought it would…but when I got home, my girls were still gone. I was still alone."
She turned around in bed with difficulty, turning to face him and hug him to her as they lay in silence.
The message was clear—
They weren't alone anymore.
There was no use pretending. Not anymore. They showed up to work together, not missing the glances of people. She wasn't sure if people were staring because they were interested in if she was alive and coping, or if it was because they were together. Why did workplaces have to feel like some stupid high school drama at times.
They'd taken the elevator that led to her floor, and when the doors opened she squeezed his hand and made her way out.
"I don't need a bodyguard," she commented, feeling him follow her to her office.
"My team's not here anyway. Need somethin' to do."
"Jethro, I'll be fine."
She couldn't help but feel like he was hovering. As if she was going to collapse again and she needed to be watched. She also didn't like that feeling that everyone else knew now and it felt like they were watching them. She knew they'd have to be a lot more careful about how they went about things in the office, because people were surely going to be scrutinizing them.
He grumbled something and headed down the stairs, and she realized she probably offended him. She hadn't meant to brush him off like that. She sighed and opened the door leading to her office.
"Director," Cynthia beamed in greeting, standing up. "It's good to see you back."
"It's good to be back," she smiled in turn. "Thank you for everything you did while I was away, Cynthia. I know my unexpected leave caused extra stress on your end of things."
"It was no problem. We missed you." Cynthia then looked from her office door to her, and leaned forward. "Assistant Director Vance is in your office," she whispered.
Jenny pursed her lips, looking at the door. She took in a deep breath, knowing she needed to be on top of her game and not snap. "Thank you," she whispered back.
Cynthia nodded and they both gave each other tight smiles. She knew Leon was around, but she was hoping she'd beat him to the office this morning. She didn't like the idea of facing off with him right away.
She braced herself internally as she gripped the handle and opened the door. He was staring out the window behind her desk, turning and locking eyes with her. She flashed him a smile. "Long way from San Diego, Leon."
"SecNav felt this warranted a plane ticket."
She smiled. "Thank you for holding down the fort. I appreciate it."
"I'd be a lousy Assistant if I couldn't. It's good you seem to be feeling better. Congratulations, by the way," he nodded, looking at her stomach.
She gave a tight smile. "Thank you."
There was an uncomfortable silence for a few beats and then she decided to ask one of the questions hanging in the air. "How long are you here?"
"SecNav felt it was best if we teamed up for a couple days, just to make sure you're fully on your feet. So I'll be in your hair today and tomorrow."
"I assume whatever you report to him after babysitting me for two days, will be what determines if he thinks I can still handle my job despite my pregnancy and involvement with Gibbs?"
"Me being here, is purely precautionary. It's not for me to decide on the repercussions of your…intimate relationship with Agent Gibbs. It's between you and SecNav."
"If it were up to you, what would you do?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.
He paused, smirking. "Director, you realize I have a wife, right?"
She stared in confusion. "Yes," she said slowly. "I don't see how that's relevant to this though."
"It means I've learned to not answer to questions intended to get me in more trouble."
She raised an annoyed eyebrow at his jest. Men.
"I promise, I'm not here to fight," he sighed. "I'm here doing what SecNav tells me to do. I just want to get home to my wife and kids this weekend and relax, like everyone else."
Months ago, she probably would have scoffed at him using the family card. She always thought people were being dramatic about their families. She'd never really had a functioning enough one to understand where they were coming from. Her thoughts had been changing on that, now that she was closer to having her own. So she put down her defenses, deciding she needed to be civil. He hadn't wronged her in any way.
"I'm sorry," she said, giving him a nod. "Perhaps the best course of action is for you to brief me on what I've missed, and we'll figure out our workday schedule from there."
He gave a nod and smiled, clearly happy to move on and get to business.
Starting his morning off with people staring and making Jenny uncomfortable hadn't been his idea of a good start. Having to deal with exploded remains in a crypt certainly was worse though.
He thought that would be it, but the cherry on top was when they went back to the military cemetery and a familiar face was suddenly intruding in their case territory.
"Company, boss," Tony had said as they exited their vehicles.
"Special Agent Gibbs," Colonel Mann greeted.
"Colonel Mann," he grunted as she walked over.
She gave him a tight smile. "I got a call your case might be venturing into CID territory."
"That call was premature," he scoffed.
"I understand you were denied permission by the family to access Colonel Dalton's crypt."
"Got a warrant."
"And that got my attention. Why don't you fill me in."
"Seems to me like the CID is bored," he commented.
"It happens when you work efficiently."
He shook his head, smirking at the comment. He'd played this same game a billion times with all the agencies. It was a pissing match that could go on forever.
DiNozzo, McGee, perimeter" he barked. "David, why don't you help me fill in the Colonel."
"I hear congratulations are in order for you and Director Shepard," Mann remarked as they walked into the building.
"Hm," he grunted
"You said it wasn't anyone I know…if I recall correctly."
He gave her a look and shrugged. "You don't really know her that well."
"I guess that's true."
He could feel Ziva's discomfort as she walked behind them.
"So," the Colonel brushed off, "about when do the sleepless nights with your baby begin?"
"Mid-June," he laughed.
"Well, congratulations."
"Thanks," he muttered, hoping to move on from the conversation and get to work.
"Change is a good thing. I myself am thinking about having one."
"A baby?" he spluttered. To be honest, he thought she was too old for that at this point. She was closer to his age than Jenny was.
She gave him a bewildered look. "What? No, not a baby," she shook her head in dismay as if he were an idiot. "A change."
"Oh."
He could hear Ziva snickering and felt his ears go red. Why did people feel the need to talk? It was so unnecessary.
"I'm thinking it's about time to hang up the spurs and retire. Go to a beach. Find a man."
He merely nodded, thinking of his beach 'retirement'. What a miserable time that had been. He definitely preferred Jenny in his arms at night rather than listening to Mike's snoring. He'd take Jenny, the baby, and the twenty more years of working over that retirement any day.
It was nearing the end of day two. It had been a long two days. Vance was everywhere she was, and she felt like she may as well be home where it was at least Jethro hovering instead. Everyone kept giving her worried looks or whispered congratulations to her. Colonel Mann was back, and that just added a whole extra headache she hadn't expected. Perhaps because the woman was still looking like some blonde, pinned up Army model, while she looked and felt like a beached whale. The worst part? She was exhausted and questioning if she could even handle this. Which made her feel like she was playing right into the hand of her male higher ups.
Jethro and Mann had found their killer who was into butchering people, and were out alone tonight following the girlfriend to see if they could find the latest body. It was twisted and gross, and one of those cases that made her question the worlds sanity—not to mention her own, since she worked where she did.
"Well, Director, it's been a pleasure working with you." Leon said, snapping his briefcase shut and getting up from the conference table. He walked to her desk and gave her a smile. "I've got a plane to catch."
She held in a sarcastic comment and smiled back. She certainly wasn't going to miss having a shadow. "It was good to work with you after all these years. Thank you, again, for taking care of things while I was gone."
To be honest, it really hadn't been too bad to work with him again. He was different than she remembered. Still serious, boring, and driven with work, but there was something softer about him. Perhaps since they weren't in a life or death mission like the last time they'd been around each other. He'd brought up his family a lot, and she'd learned more about him now than she ever had before. Maybe it was actually possible for them to get along.
"It was no problem. Thank you for putting up with me the last couple of days," he responded. He held out his hand and she took it, shaking it politely. "Director," he tipped his head in farewell.
"Assistant Director," she snarked back, hearing him chuckle as he walked away.
She opened her mouth before he disappeared through the door, not able to hold back the question on her mind. "Leon?"
He turned around and raised an eyebrow.
"You have kids," she stated. He nodded. "Do you…do you regret it? I mean, having the job you have, working all the time…I imagine it must be difficult."
He studied her for a minute, and then he nodded, making his way back towards her.
"I don't regret having my kids. They're the best thing I've ever done with my life." He looked her in the eyes. "I won't deny it's hard though. I'm not around as much as I should be. I miss a lot of moments in their lives. Jackie, bless her soul, is a patient woman. But I can tell it's really hard for her. Many weeks she may as well be a single mother. I think she sometimes just waits for the day she finds out she is a single mother."
She swallowed. She was realizing some of the thoughts and worries plaguing her mind were actually realistic.
"I hate seeing the disappointment in my kids eyes because I have to miss things of theirs, or not spend time with them," he continued. He took a deep breath, his eyes going to the window behind her. "It's not easy. Not at all. If it weren't for Jackie picking up my slack…" he shook his head, his eyes distant as he stared out at the harbor view.
She tried to smile. "It sounds like you're trying to convince me to quit so you can be the top dog," she teased, trying to ease the tension.
He snorted. "Maybe I am."
"Well, we all have to try and climb the ladder somehow."
"That we do," he laughed.
"Sorry, you have a plane to catch. I don't mean to keep you from your family any longer. Thank you."
He nodded and headed out again, stopping in the door to say one last thing. "You won't regret it," he said, "having that baby. You'll be glad you did."
They gave each other one last smile and he headed out. She took a breath, processing it all. She and Leon had never been best friends, perhaps because they were both driven workaholics, driven to climb the ladder. Yet he didn't regret his kids. His regret seemed to be not being a present parent. And he said if it weren't for his wife…
She sighed and looked up, not really wanting to go there in her head right now. The baby needed at least one present parent, and it hurt her head too much to think about the changes that would be required to make that happen.
At least she didn't completely despise her Assistant Director anymore. Perhaps the old wounds from the Czech Republic days had healed.
Now she just had to get her scheduled meeting with SecNav over with.
A soft knock sounded and she looked to her open door, seeing Ziva there.
"Ziva" she smiled.
"Director."
The young agent was looking good in her long sleeve shirt with brown, orange, and yellow stripes splashed across her chest and arms, accented perfectly with her matching brown pants and belt. She envied the young woman's figure.
"You look nice today," she complimented, Ziva smiling in return. "Do you have an update for me?"
"Colonel Mann and Agent Gibbs are bringing in the girlfriend. They found her butchering the latest victim and trying to get rid of the evidence. Tony and McGee were called in as backup and they are booking her now."
"Always a happy ending," she commented, shaking her head. What was wrong with people. She looked up, realizing that was not why the young agent was visiting. Not the real reason.
"Ziva, are you okay?"
"I'm…yes, I just wanted to update you," she replied, turning quickly.
"Ziva," she called out, stopping the woman in her tracks. She'd heard the rumors about Ziva and the so-called "dead man walking". The poor young Lieutenant. Perhaps there was more truth to those rumors than she had realized. She got up from her seat and walked over to the woman, putting her hand on her shoulder.
"Take a seat," she gestured to the conference table, waiting for the agent to move before she closed the door to give them privacy. She sat down across from the agent. "Ziva, you know you can tell me anything."
"There is nothing to tell, Director."
"I can tell this isn't work related. And please, call me Jenny."
Ziva was silent. "Everyone thinks I'm being…emotional. Tony, McGee, Abby."
"This is about the man you bonded with on the case, who died," Jenny observed.
"I liked him. He died. That is all there is to it. I barely knew him."
"And because you barely knew him, you don't think you have a right to feel sad."
"I am not sad."
Jenny looked at her friend sadly, seeing the slightest hint of moisture in her eyes, hearing the slight change in her voice.
"What was his name?" she asked.
"Roy," Ziva stopped, correcting herself, "Lieutenant Sanders."
"It sounds like Roy must have been a good man, considering he made an impression. You are a good judge of character."
Ziva was looking down, playing with the sleeves of her shirt. "He was, a good man."
"I wasn't here during the case, so I never met him. What was he like?" Jenny asked. She felt, perhaps, if Ziva was willing to open up a little, talk about him, maybe she could find some closure over it.
Ziva was looking at her hesitantly, and Jenny knew the woman knew exactly what she was doing. She knew all the tactics to get people to open up. She was relieved when her young friend gave a hint of a smile and gave in anyway.
"He liked to run. Before we met, he'd blast past me on my route, wearing this bright orange hat."
He thought maybe this would go quick. Perhaps he thought that because she hadn't been super into the whole baby process in the first place. But focusing on that logic had made him forget the real critical fact—she was a woman, and she had always loved shopping.
"I just, I'm not so sure I like this pattern with this color."
He internally groaned. By now they could have purchased everything the baby could possibly use for the first two years of its life. Instead, they were still stuck in the damn car seat area.
She had insisted they do the shopping of baby essentials together, informing him that he knew better than her what a baby required. He wasn't sure of that, he hadn't parented in over two decades and things had changed drastically. Hell, he'd barely seen or done anything with Kelly when she was an infant because he was deployed.
Any time he gave her his opinion on something, she'd just end up disagreeing in the end anyway. Apparently the least pricey options, which he thought were practical, were going to be the most dangerous, because since they were cheaper it meant they were not made as well. But the pricier ones she was hung up on because of whatever colors they were or how complicated they looked.
To be honest, they all looked the same to him.
"What about this one?"
He looked at the one she was pointing to, trying to ignore the fact that his eyes wanted to pop out of his head at the price.
"Looks like a good car seat," he mumbled. The same thing he'd said about all of them.
"I mean, I'm not seeing any issues with it."
Please, please, please tell him that meant they were finally about done here.
"I don't know, do you think this one would be good?"
"Yeah," he agreed a little too quickly. She raised an eyebrow at him. "I mean, seems solid. Looks safe. Should work."
All of them would work. They all did the same thing. They all looked the same.
"Okay. If you're sure. We should do this one."
He nodded and grabbed one of the big boxes under the display of the car seat. It pretty much took up their entire shopping cart.
"I mean, unless…"
"What should we get next?" he interrupted, eager to move on. He refused to stare at car seats any longer.
"I have a crib, clothes, blankets, diapers, wipes, a breast pump, bottles, and pacifiers on the list."
He nodded. He knew the entire checklist was a lot bigger. Jenny had asked other women what she needed and had looked online, and it seemed to be a much more extensive list of things than he had assumed was necessary. They'd agreed to get the essentials today and get the rest later or as they went. He figured he'd surprise her with the changing table and Kelly's old bassinet as they started to put the room together.
"Well, since cribs are right here," he said, navigating them into the next aisle attached to the car seats.
Oh no. There were so many more cribs than car seats. So many more options. And a lot of them were quite different in terms of color and design and material. He may as well just sit on the floor, because he knew it was going to be a while.
"Not the plastic looking ones," she said in distaste. "We should go for a wooden one, something that matches the room."
Well, at least she'd already narrowed it down to a degree.
"I'll bet you could build one better than any of these," she scoffed. He shrugged, but deep down she'd stroked his ego pretty good with that compliment. Perhaps he could, if he had the time. The changing table had already taken a lot of work, and he wouldn't have finished it if he hadn't stayed home for a week with her while she was sick.
"You're good with wood. Any of these catch your eye?"
He looked at them thoughtfully. Any that said what kind of wood they were appeared to be hardwood, which made sense since that was durable. Birch, beech, oak, mahogany. Others he wasn't sure on because they really didn't say.
Then there were different kinds of cribs. Simple basic ones, ones that could have a side dropped down for easier access, ones that had little changing tables attached. He obviously didn't want one of the changing table ones. Plus, those were too expensive. He figured they didn't need anything fancier than a basic crib.
"This one?" he asked, pointing to a basic oak one.
"Maybe something darker," she said.
He nodded. "Okay, then this one."
He didn't know how long she stood there debating the simple mahogany one. It had a nice dark finish. He cringed when she turned her head and body fully around to glance at all the other choices again.
"It would match the room nicely. Yes. Let's do that one."
He was shocked she actually agreed. He almost questioned her, but then realized that would be a mistake that would keep him here much longer. "All right," he agreed. The box was huge, and there was no way it would fit into the cart. They'd have to get a worker to transport it for them.
The rest of the shopping had been just as long. It took a while to get a worker and get the crib situation sorted. The diapers and wipes seemed like they should be simple, but there were so many different brands, and different types of wipes, that it felt alarming. Did cucumber or aloe infused wipes make a huge difference, or was it just a marketing thing to hike up the price? In the end they'd gotten a couple varieties and brands that seemed logical in terms of amounts and pricing.
The clothes section took the longest of all the shopping. Jenny had always liked shopping for clothes, so he wasn't too surprised. Still, she was such a girl about it. She actually giggled, and kept pointing out how cute every single outfit was. He hadn't ever envisioned he would see Jenny cooing over baby clothes, but here they were.
He wouldn't ever admit to her that he found some of them quite cute too. It was almost alarming how small some of the clothes were, many smaller than his own hand.
"These are adorable," she said for the millionth time. He looked at what she was admiring.
"No," he shot out.
"No what?"
"Jen, we're havin' a boy. Not a girl."
His son would not be sporting massive bows on his head. Absolutely not.
She rolled her eyes. "I didn't say I was getting them, I just said they were adorable."
He glared at the prissy looking things. He knew he had a picture of Kelly as an infant with some massive flower thing on her head. Poor kid. She always just ripped it off in the end, so they were pointless.
"No pink either," he grumbled.
"I should buy you something pink," she mused. "I think you could pull it off." He glared at her smirk. "Don't worry, you manly beast, you. I won't ruin your reputation and buy a dress for our son."
He shifted on his feet. He wanted to put his feet up and rest. They'd been shopping far too long, and he knew assembling the crib and putting things away was going to take a good portion of the rest of this weekend.
"Now this, this is perfect for your son."
He tried to prepare himself for something silly, sure she was still teasing him, but instead found himself looking at a blue onesie with a simple childish sailboat on it. He couldn't help but smile at it.
"I knew you'd like it," she beamed, tossing the tiny little thing in the cart.
By the time they'd finished clothes shopping, there was a massive pile in the cart. He couldn't really be angry over all the time and money. First off, it was for their baby. Second, it was making Jenny happy. He hadn't seen her get this happy or into any of the baby stuff so far. She liked shopping, so it made sense it would be shopping that she could actually relate to or enjoy in some sense. Seeing her coo over baby outfits and be concerned over if certain things would be okay for the baby—it made him happy. Even if he hated shopping.
Perhaps this motherhood thing was going to be a lot more natural and easy for her than she'd been worried about so far. He knew she'd be a great mother.
Perhaps the worst part of it all was checking out and seeing the price on the screen. They didn't even get everything that they supposedly needed, and he felt lightheaded seeing such a large number on the checkout screen. He had to prevent Jenny from trying to pay for it with her card, offended that she'd even think she should be the one buying it all. It was his kid too, and he was the provider—even if she had a higher paying job than him.
At least he could afford to shop for his child these days. When he and Shannon had Kelly, they were so young. He didn't have a solid job that payed well, and they had almost no savings. They borrowed and were given a lot of hand-me-downs with Kelly. They had to be very careful what they spent money on, and things were meager.
He and Jenny were much older, and had spent years working. They were much more settled in life. Though Jenny was much more well off than him. His divorces hadn't done him any favors. Though he was better with money than she was. Today and all the spending had reminded him of their days in Europe, where she'd become weak in the knees being in the fancy shops. He'd always have to remind her she'd be flying back and couldn't take it all back with her.
He was damn glad he'd brought the truck to put the big boxes in the bed of the truck. There were so many bags too…
"Well, at least we have some supplies now," she commented as they drove back.
"Yeah."
Silence fell upon them again, and he reached out and grabbed her hand as he drove.
"Jethro?"
"Hm?"
"There's a lot to this, isn't there. Parenting. The things they need."
"Mm-hmm."
"It's overwhelming," she admitted, her voice wavering.
She sounded so nervous. He squeezed her hand. "It's gonna be fine. We'll figure it out."
