Hey guys, the reviews have been awesome! Thanks to everyone who's reading this, recommend it if ya can! Hope you like this chapter. And in response to what someone said, yeah I'm writing Addison as a bit of a bitch, and I realize she's not so much on the show, but I don't like her because I think she's selfish, and I'm only exaggerating a little. Anyway, review this and also check out my new post-finale story Polaris, which I'll update hopefully within the next day.
Derek
The room is blurred. The pain is intense and he's confused as hell. Bits and pieces of memory come shooting back to him in reverse order. . .
Letting go of the steering wheel.
Storming away from Addison in the car.
Drinking. Oh, the drinking. . .
Yelling at Addison in the trailer.
Meredith yelling at him in the elevator.
Meredith's face is the first thing he sees, her voice is the first thing he hears, distant and far away. Her hand in his. Then she was gone, suddenly. He hears voices murmuring around them. Everything's blurring together. He had wanted to say he was sorry to her. Had he? Had she even been there?
His head hurts.
Addison's standing over him. Or sitting. He can't tell. Her hand is in his, rubbing it gently. "Thank God you're okay, Derek. . ."
He can barely make out what she's saying. His head is pounding. He mutters at her, "My head. . .feels like. . ."
"Like you ran your car into a ditch, I expect." She gives a nervous little laugh. Her voice sounds abnormally slow to Derek.
He closes his eyes, trying to think. Meredith was there, where Addison is now. What had she said? What did he say?
"Addison. . .I needed to tell. . .I need. . ."
"What is it?"
"Dr. Shepard?" This voice is new. Dr. Yang comes into his view, right next to Addison. "Do you know who I am?"
"Dr. Yang."
"Do you know who she is?"
"Addison."
"Okay, good. Do you know what happened to you?"
"Car crash."
"Alright. I'm just going to give you something for the pain. You're a little groggy right now, but you should be fully awake soon. You're a lucky guy."
He nods, wanting to ask her something. She's Meredith's friend, she'll know where she is. "Christina, where. . ." Addison's looking at him. He stops. Not in front of her. "Nothing."
Addison
Dr. Yang leaves the room, eyeing her as she does. Addison smiles down at her husband, but inwardly she's concerned.
Meredith was here when he woke up. Addison doesn't like that. She doesn't like the fact that Derek will remember any moment that it was something Addison did that drove him to drinking.
Part of her wants to apologize, but she holds back, not sure how much he remembers. Something he said sticks in her mind.
"If you love he, why did you choose me?"
"Right now, I'm not sure."
He loves Meredith. She just got him back and she's going to lose him again. He nearly killed himself over her.
Soon, as Derek becomes more alert, Addison decides to test him. "I was so worried about you, when you drove off like that, Derek."
"Yeah." He's studying the wall. "I was mad."
"I'm sorry." Her voice is soft. Then, with the words tumbling out before she can think, "I was sitting here thinking about it, sure you were going to die and it was going to be my fault, when I felt your hand move."
Derek looks at her questioningly. "You. . .you weren't here when I woke up." He closes his eyes, shaking his head, as if trying to grasp the memory. "Were you?"
"Yeah, I. . .who did you think?"
Derek studies her face. "Meredith." He admits.
Addison winces. "She hasn't been in here Derek, not that I know of. I've been with you all week and she never came in." Not really a lie, completely. Addison had kept her out while she was there.
"Oh." His face is still confused, his voice doubtful.
She puts hurt in her voice. "But, Derek. . . I'm here. Me, your wife, remember."
"You lied to her." His voice is accusing. "You told her stuff from our counseling session. . ."
Addison doesn't answer. She's fighting tears. Lie on top of lie. She's disgusted with herself. But it doesn't stop.
"That's why she hasn't come. . .she's mad at me because of what you told her!"
"Derek. . .we thought you were going to die. Surely. . ." She swallows hard, pressing forward because it's too late. "Surely a fight wouldn't have kept someone who loves you away when you were about to die." Crossing the line. She's crossing the line. It's pathetic really, what she has to say to her husband to keep him focused on her. She knows its pathetic, but she does it anyway.
Derek is silent. His eyes are devoid of any affection for his wife as he looks at her, but slowly they fill with hurt. His voice is low, almost to himself. "She didn't come at all."
A lone tear rolls down Addison's cheek and she wipes impatiently at it. The hurt in his voice over that. . .he loves Meredith. She is suddenly exhausted. She doesn't feel like fighting for something that isn't hers. But it's too late to go back now that she's said it. "No."
Derek
A few hours pass. He's trying to think. Trying to remember everything about his and Meredith's conversations the day before the accident. Trying to think about how bad things had been.
"I need to see her." Addison looks at him, startled. He knows this isn't the type of declaration he should be making in front of his wife, but he's past caring about what Addison thinks. "I need to talk to her."
Addison stares at him in exasperation. "Derek, why are we even bothering? I was scared to death, thinking I'd lose you, lose you while we were angry at each other, and all you've talked about since you woke up is Meredith, who couldn't even be bothered to. . ." Her voice trails off.
He stares at his wife, and his shoulders slump as the anger melts into frustration. "I'm sorry. I'm not making this easy am I? Us trying, I mean."
Addison looks at him, surprised. "No."
"It's hard." He offers as an explanation.
Addison comes over and sets her hand on his arm. "I know. We both made mistakes."
Derek looks at her skeptically.
She sighs, and says sarcastically, "Fine, you didn't make any mistakes. You were the perfect husband."
The anger is returning. "What I did was no excuse for you cheating on me, Addison! I worked a lot, but so did you. So, come to think of it, did Mark."
Addison is quiet.
"You didn't love me then, Addison. Otherwise you wouldn't have done what you did. You never once complained, never once talked to me about things. . .you just sunk to that level without trying anything else. And now I have someone who actually loves me-"
"Someone who doesn't even come to see you when you almost died!" Her face is red, and she's standing now, her eyes shining with tears.
Derek is getting angrier but he keeps talking as if she didn't speak. "And I love her-"
"But you didn't pick her! You chose me! I didn't make you! You can't keep blaming me, because I gave you the choice, so if you don't like it, it's your fault! And I've sat here beside you for days while you almost died, never leaving, and what do I get? She ignores you and-"
"Get out! I cannot deal with you now, I don't want to, so just leave." Derek's eyes are fixed on her, expression murderous.
"FINE!" Addison whirls and leaves the hospital room.
Seconds later, Bailey enters the room. "Dr. Shepard, what's going on? You need to keep the stress down-"
"Yeah, right." He mutters. "Fat chance of that with Addison around."
Bailey smiles a little. "Rough spot in the marriage?"
"It's all rough."
Bailey chuckles softly. "Don't be so hard on yourselves. That kind of damage takes some time to fix. But you can do it. . .if you want to." Her eyebrows shoot up. "Or is that the problem? You don't want to fix it?"
Derek is quiet. "I want. . .I don't know what I want." Staring at the wall, he asks casually. "Meredith around?"
Bailey looks at him knowingly. "Around here somewhere. Want me to get her?"
"Yeah. . .well. . ." He hesitates. "No. She's mad at me, so. . .could you just tell her. . ." He falls silent, searching for the words.
"Mad at you?" Bailey frowns. She saw Meredith an hour ago, right after Derek woke up. She looked anything but angry.
"Yeah, we had a fight before the accident." Bailey is staring at him quizzically, but he doesn't notice. "My fault. Just tell her. . .tell her I'm sorry."
Bailey nods slowly. "I can do that. Sure you don't want me to send her down here?"
He shakes his head again, though tempted. "No, she. . .she'll come if she wants to."
Bailey nods, a perplexed look still on her face, and leaves.
Meredith
"Dr.Grey!"
Meredith turns. Bailey is striding toward her. "You get the post-op notes on 345?"
Meredith nods.
"Okay, well I just saw Shepard. He's doing fine."
Meredith's eyes light up. "Really? He's going to be okay?"
"He's going to be fine." Bailey can't help but smile at her intern.
Meredith closes her eyes. "I want. . .I want to see him. When he was. . .when he was in a coma, I could barely believe he could die. Now I. . .I can't believe he's alive. I need to see him again, be sure."
Bailey looks at her closely. "Addison's gone." Her voice is quiet, uncertain. She's still trying to make sense of Derek thinking Meredith was mad at him. "And he told me to tell you something. He said he's sorry."
Meredith stares. "Sorry?"
"Yeah, he said. . .that you're mad at him for some fight you had before the accident." Bailey shrugs.
Meredith shakes her head. "I'm not mad. How could I be mad when he was lying there in a coma-"
"I'm just passing on what he said. Go tell him yourself. I think he wants to see you."
Meredith nods and heads off in that direction.
Outside his room, his door slightly ajar, she pauses, hearing voices, afraid it's Addison come back. She listens and hears it's Christina. ". . .she's around here somewhere."
Derek is talking. "Look, I want you to tell her something. I know she didn't come see me, but I don't care, I just-"
"Whoa, whoa. What?"
Meredith, who has started to push the door the rest of the way open, stops cold, listening.
"She didn't come see me. Here, in the hospital. I mean, I know I screwed up. Just tell her I'm sorry and I need-"
"Wait. Back up. She didn't come see you? Addison practically banned her from the room, and she was in here sitting with you every time Addison was gone-"
"Wh-what?"
Meredith can't believe this. That's shock in Derek's voice. Real, complete shock.
"YES! Who the hell told you she wasn't?"
Derek's voice is quiet. "Addison."
"And you believed her!"
Meredith slowly backs away. She wasn't angry before, despite what Derek thought. . .but she's angry now. Angry and hurt. She can't believe Derek would believe something like that. . .believe his Addison that Meredith wouldn't have come and seen him while he was possibly dying.
Did he really think she cared that little? Does he not get that she is in love with him? How could he think she had been anything but terrified for him? Who did he think was there when he woke up? He'd talked to her!
Derek
Addison lied. Again. And he actually believed her.
Derek stares at Christina, dumbfounded, when he sees a flash in the doorway. "Meredith." He says quietly.
"What?" Christina glances outside, spotting her friend trying to move out of view. She stares down at Shepard. "She wasn't mad at you before. Can't say the same now."
"Meredith!" His voice is loud, desperate. He's hoping she hears him, hoping she'll come back in.
Slowly she walks into the frame of the doorway. She gives him a look, and the look stops the apologies piling up in his throat. The rushed explanations he was already planning. The look silences them. So full of hurt, disappointment. He knows what she's thinking. 'How could he have thought I'd do that?' Now, thinking back, he realizes he should have questioned it. But he wasn't in a questioning mood. He'd just. . .believed her.
But he hadn't been angry! Shouldn't that have counted for something.
Meredith turns from his doorway and walks away.
