"Gibbs! You didn't tell me the Director was leaving!"
He looked up from his desk to Abby, who was slightly out of breath. Clearly she'd gotten up here as fast as she could. He raised an eyebrow, surprised Abby knew. There was a murmer between DiNozzo and McGee, who clearly didn't know.
"It was in the email she sent this morning," Ziva said to them, clearly not impressed by their ignorance.
He clicked on his computer, going to the little email icon and typing in his password. He winced at the amount of unread emails and scanned the top, looking for the email in question.
He really hated technology.
Abby came beside him, pointing. "This one."
New Director
He clicked on it. He knew this must have been hard for Jenny to write.
"Good morning, everyone.
"I am informing you all that you will have a new Director starting within the next couple of weeks. Assistant Director Leon Vance will be taking my place permanently."
He scanned to the bottom, skipping over the explanation and procedural stuff.
"I have loved my time as director. Thank you all for your hard work and diligence. You are an exemplary crew of people, and I hope to work with you all again in the future. I know just how lucky Assistant Vance is to be here with all of you. Thank you for your service to your country."
He knew she had wrestled with whether to make an announcement or not. Whether to leave as quietly as Morrow had, or whether to give them all some warning.
"I mean, I know I should have probably assumed, what with the baby and all, but it won't be the same without her," Abby lamented. "We're never going to have a director as good as her again. And definitely not one who dresses as snappy as she does."
He smiled, nodding in agreement. Jenny was one of a kind when it came to leadership in an agency like this. She was never wrong when she said it was a very much 'male-dominated' field.
"I'm going to miss her."
He was a little amused by Abby's emotional reaction. It wasn't like Jenny was dead. "Abs, you'll still see her around," he assured, clicking off his email.
"I know, but it won't be the same."
"I know. I'll miss her here too," he soothed.
"That's easy for you to say. You'll still get to see her every day. Promise you'll let her and the baby come visit here?
"Yup," he smiled. "You guys can still visit my place too."
"Good, because I have so many presents I want to give mini Gibbs when he gets here."
The image of black onesies with skulls popped into his head, and weird death metal songs. He winced.
"I'm gonna be educating Gibbs Jr. on all the classics in cinema," Tony piped up. "He'll know all the best movie lines."
"Or maybe he should actually learn something useful, like coding," McGee countered.
They all got into a spat with each other, all competing. None of them were making the idea of them being around his kid sound like a good idea to him. He ignored their little debate and looked to Ziva, who was being very quiet. He knew she probably was the one who struggled with the idea the most. Jenny was the one who had brought her here with her to the States. She was the one who had arranged the liaison and welcomed Ziva here. She was Ziva's only connection and friend from the start. Sure, Ziva had made her own place now, she had bonded with the team. She had others now. But he knew it was probably still hard for her to lose the workplace figure who she had known the longest.
She looked over to him, giving him a look to question his staring. He just gave a smile, which she returned.
He looked over to the group, who was being too enthusiastic and loud for his taste. "Hey!" he shouted.
They all stopped, looking at him.
"Back to work. I expect an update in thirty minutes."
They all groaned, protesting under their breath.
"You can't rush science, Gibbs," Abby said as she turned around to leave.
They were all silent for a few moments as they went back to work. But per usual, DiNozzo wasn't the biggest fan of silence.
"Abby's right," he piped up. "It sucks that the director is leaving. She's a good one. I wasn't a big fan of that Vance guy either. Women are better."
"We all know you like women more, Tony," McGee said.
"Guys," he warned, sensing they were about to get in another childish spat.
They quieted down again, everyone typing away and looking for more leads.
He woke up in the middle of the night, realizing she was gone again. She'd had a lot of trouble sleeping the past couple of weeks. She'd wake up randomly in the middle of the night all the time, seeming to need to do something to keep her busy. It was apparently normal during late pregnancy, but he couldn't help but wonder if she was just extra stressed. It always worried him though, waking up with her not being there. He always worried something would happen while he was asleep and she was somewhere else and then he wouldn't know. What if she went into labor? What if she fainted or something?
He sighed, forcing himself up and getting out of bed to make sure she was okay. Sometimes he found her in the nursery, fussing over things, since she seemed to be in a nesting phase lately. Sometimes he found her on the couch, doing paperwork or dozing off.
He went to the nursery first, and indeed, she was in there. This time, rather than manically trying to move things around, or debating if she wanted animals or whatever painted on the wall, she was instead just sitting on the bed and staring off into space.
"Hey," he greeted, alerting her of his presence.
She jumped slightly, and turned her head and looked back at him. "Hey."
He made his way over, sitting down beside her and putting his hand on her thigh. "You okay?"
She sighed, resting her head on his shoulder. "I'm tired."
"I can see why."
"It's so frustrating. I can't sleep, and when I do I have the weirdest dreams. I'm always in pain in my hips and abdomen. I have to pee all the time. And the damn braxton hicks can be unsettling sometimes." She sighed again, sounding at the end of her patience, and near the edge of tears. "I feel awful all the time and I just want to feel normal again. It's like I want him to get out and get here right now, so I can feel more normal…but at the same time I'm terrified of him being here. Giving birth, and trying to keep him alive after."
He wrapped an arm around her and kissed her head, just listening and trying to figure out what he could do to help. He was sick of feeling so useless.
"I'm sorry I keep waking you up," she whispered. "I don't mean for both of us to not get any sleep."
"There anything I can do for you?" he asked, not caring about his sleep. He was far more worried about her.
"You can make your son behave and let me get some sleep."
He smiled, putting his hand on her belly. "Son, your mom needs you to behave," he reprimanded in jest.
She chuckled into his shoulder, resting her hand above his. "He always likes your voice, you know."
"Yeah, sure," he laughed, thinking it was a ridiculous notion.
"I'm serious. He always gets more still, like he's listening. He definitely knows when it's you."
He stared at her belly, intrigued, sliding his hand over it gently. He leaned down, planting a kiss on it, Cheesy as it was in his head, if having a conversation with the little guy meant he might calm down a bit and give Jenny a break, he'd do it.
He lifted her shirt up, exposing her belly and resting his cheek against it as he kept his hand on her skin. "Your mom's doin' all she can for ya. She'll always have your six. So take it easy on her."
She rubbed her fingers in his hair, and he planted another kiss, not sure what else to say. He honestly felt ridiculous. He leaned back up and gave her a kiss instead, still keeping his hand on her belly.
"I don't know about his mom, but I do know he has the best dad," she said.
"I haven't even done anything yet," he shrugged. After all, she was the one sacrificing her body and her job. She'd given everything she could to the little guy already.
"Yes you have."
"You want a massage?" he changed the subject, knowing it was pointless to argue with her. "I could at least do that."
She raised an eyebrow at him, seeming to debate the question. "Is it just a massage?"
He gave her a look, confused. "Whaddya mean?"
"I mean, would you just give me a massage, or are you hoping for sex? Because I don't have the energy for sex right now."
He laughed. "Do I look like I have the energy either? It's two in the mornin', Jen."
"I just wanted to clarify. Men barely even start a massage and get all hot and bothered and then just try to get in your pants instead."
"Hard not to with you," he said, eyeing her up and down. "You're sexy as hell."
"Not anymore."
"Ya want me to get in your pants right now to prove it?"
She gave him a look and he smirked. "I didn't think so," he said, getting behind her on the bed and planting his legs around her waist. He moved his hands onto her back, rubbing up and down before planting them on her shoulders to massage the muscles there.
After a couple minutes she groaned in satisfaction, her body relaxing. He worked his hands down, kneading the tense muscles in her back.
Hours later he woke up, realizing they'd both drifted off during the massage process. She was snoring on her back, his numb arm trapped underneath her. He blinked, suddenly wondering what time it was. His body usually woke him up around the same time every day, but now he worried with the lack of sleep that he may have slept in too much. He tried his best to move without waking her, wondering how long it would take him to get the blood pumping in his arm again and move it. He looked at his watch, relieved to find he hadn't slept in.
He sighed, mentally prepping himself for yet another Monday. He and Jenny had plans after work to go visit her father's grave, and other graves of past colleagues and friends. She'd already gotten some graveside flowers for the occasion, since it was Memorial Day. Most of the building was off since it was a federal holiday, but Jenny had been insistent that there were things that needed done and caught up on for work. She seemed to be feeling the grind now that she had very little time to have things in ship shape order for Vance to take over. He'd decided to go to work too, saying he had things he needed to catch up on as well. He was honestly just going to keep an eye on her, especially since almost no one else would be in the building. He didn't want her on her own. Plus, it was an optimal day to work since there would be more peace and quiet with less people. His team wouldn't all be bickering and he could concentrate and not be playing principal.
He hated waking her up for work, especially lately with how constantly exhausted she was. She was about 38 weeks along, and it felt wrong for her to go to work when she really could just go into labor any day. They were too close to the due date in two weeks for him to relax at all. She insisted on working until she popped, and he thought it was a ridiculous idea. She should be resting beforehand. On the other other hand, at least it meant he was nearby since they worked at the same place. He was sure he'd feel worse if she was at home and he was at work. It was too long of a drive with the traffic from his house out here to their workplace for him to make it to her as quick as he'd like to.
He looked down at her, feeling too bad to wake her up. It wasn't like she truly had to be there today. They were supposed to have the day off. He figured it was okay if she slept in. He got up as quietly as possible, figuring he'd get breakfast ready and take a shower while she got a little extra sleep.
He was glad she decided not to be at work all day. She called it a day hours earlier than she would on an actual work day. They were only there a few hours. It made it easier for them to get in the car at a decent time to fight the crowds of people that were inevitably at the graveyards, especially the Arlington National Cemetery. It was warm today, despite how overcast it was. The morning had been hazy and misty from the rain they'd had yesterday, now it was just cloudy. Seemed to really set a mood for the day of mourning.
The usual 15 minute drive from the Navy Yard to the Arlington National Cemetery turned into a much longer drive with the traffic. There were lines of cars parked and maneuvering everywhere around the outside of the cemetery. Jenny was passed out cold in the seat beside him within the first five minutes of driving, and he almost wondered if they should even bother today. Fighting the crowds and her being this exhausted didn't seem worth it to him. But she'd been insistent, and he knew how much it meant to her that they at least see her dad's grave.
She woke up when he parked, and he helped her get out of the car. Walking around this cemetery could be quite the walk sometimes. It was massive and had slopes, with some graves being higher up on the small hills and slopes than others. The walking had never bothered him before, but now that he had a very pregnant partner with him, it seemed a bit daunting. He lent her his free arm as they walked, his other arm occupied with flowers, as they made their way slow and steady to each grave they were interested in paying their respects to. He had old military friends, she had friends of her dad's, and they both had agents they had known who had fallen in the line of duty. Each grave they stopped at for a minute, to lay down a flower and relay how they knew the person or memories they had of them.
There were people all over, and it was definitely far too crowded for his taste. He preferred being here when it was quiet with less people, so he could really think and pay his respects properly.
He'd tried to get her to sit when it came time to visit Joan Matteson's grave. It was at one of the highest points of the cemetery and required a good walk up a steep slope, but she insisted on walking with him.
"Maybe it'll help the baby get down quicker," she breathed out in a laugh as they began their ascent up a hill. He sure didn't like the idea of that, and it made him want to sit her down on the grass and wait for him. He knew she was just joking, but he didn't like the idea of the baby coming earlier than the due date, even if it was close. The doctor had talked about how critical the last few weeks were for growth and development.
She was breathing heavy by the time they got to the grave.
"You want to sit on the grass?" he asked.
She shook her head no. "I'll get grass stains, and I'm not sure I can make it down, let alone ever get back up." She caught her breath as he laid down the tiny bunch of flowers.
"Who was she?" she finally asked as he stared at the grave, thinking about the young Private First Class woman.
"Knew her in Camp Lejeune. She was always tryin' to beat my times in the training course."
"Was she a friend? Or…?" she trailed off, implying more.
"Friend," he nodded. "Liked her, hoped to go on a date, but…" he trailed off himself, nodding towards the grave.
"She died in training?" she asked in shock.
"They sent her to Japan after training, but her helo went down."
"Oh. I'm sorry."
"I barely knew her," he shrugged.
It had been an eye-opening experience in life though. His first real taste of the perils of war. He squinted, thinking of the young woman and her fiery spirit. She was quite the competitive person. Not many of his memories of his military days ever ended very happily. That whole time period was full of death and hard times.
"Never woulda went anywhere anyway. She got sent to Japan, I got sent to Pendleton. Married Shannon a few years later."
"Still, always hard losing friends. Especially at a young age, and in the military."
He stared at the dates on her grave. 1977 in a way didn't feel all that long ago. He still remembered that day in '77 when he found out about the helo crash. Yet here he was, 30 years later. He would've been astonished back then to know what the future had in store. That 30 years down the road he'd be standing at Matteson's grave, with his pregnant soon-to-be wife in tow. That he would also have married the girl he liked from his hometown, and had a child with her, but they'd both be dead. That there was still so much grief ahead, but also so much happiness. At least, he was happy now. He shuddered to think how life would be if he and Jenny hadn't gotten back together. Life was looking up now, despite his age and all the past hardships. It felt like the big lesson he'd learned this year, that it was never too late to try again.
They made their way out of the Arlington National Cemetery, eventually making it back to the car to head to the cemetery where her father was buried. He'd never been to her father's grave with her, and he could tell she was on edge with having to go. He'd learned a lot just how deep her love for her father was. The man held the most special place in her heart.
She was already tearing up when they made it to the graveyard, shaking against him as they walked to the large grave. She wanted to lay down the large bouquet of flowers, and he helped support her as she stooped down and helped her get back up.
She wiped away her tears as she stared, and all he could do was stand beside her and try to be a support.
"He should be here," she choked out.
"Yeah," he agreed, nodding as he looked at the grave. He knew how unjust death was. He knew Jenny deserved to have her dad here. He knew she'd want nothing more than to have her dad meet their soon-to-be son. He'd be curious to meet the man, know what he was like. She always talked about how the man was a lot like him in many aspects. He wished he had known the man, since Jenny had so much respect for him. He was curious if they would have gotten along or not.
She turned into him, hugging him as she let the tears flow. He ran a hand through her hair, soothing her as he hugged her.
Colonel Jasper Shepard
June 22, 1944 – April 4, 1995
Beloved Father, Decorated War Hero
She cursed, taking some deep breaths. "He'd be thrilled at my life right now," she said, wiping her tears. "He would love that I was quitting my job and choosing family. He never wanted me involved with the military, and I never would have gotten away with being in NCIS while he was alive. He was glad I was independent and responsible…but I knew he had always wanted me to have a family. He wanted me to have a good husband and give him some grandchildren. He was traditional, and very against women putting themselves in danger. I honestly think he wanted me to have what he didn't."
"Parents always do," he said quietly, kissing her forehead.
"Would you want our child doing what we are?" she asked quietly.
He shook his head slowly, the perils and darkness he'd seen during his time at NCIS flashing through his head. "No."
"Maybe he'll do what I turned my back on, become a lawyer."
"No," he said more loudly. He had a rule against those crazy people.
She smirked at him. "I remember the look you gave me when I joined NIS, and informed you I had been in law school before changing my mind. You looked at me like I was gum on your shoe."
"You made a better choice," he said darkly. "Never, ever involve a lawyer."
"Rule 13," she sighed, shaking her head in amusement. "I remember."
"Weren't you datin' some prissy lawyer boy back then?"
"Mm, that takes me back. Poor Marty. Broke up with him shortly after joining your team. He couldn't quite compete in my mind with my forbidden, off-limits, sexy boss."
He glared. He remembered how crazy that drove him when he'd found out his pretty new Probie was strung up with some stupid lawyer. She drove him nuts back then. All glamour and high heels, the red hair, the snappy fight back attitude that he couldn't help but be attracted to. He really hadn't thought she'd survive more than a month on his team or in the field, but damn she had proved him wrong.
"If it's any consolation, dad had met him before he died, and he didn't like him either."
"Smart man."
"He really was." She wiped another tear off her face. "He would have approved of you, after he got to know you. I just know it. And he loved kids…"
She dissolved into tears again, and he went back to holding her.
Jenny's "nesting" was getting worse. He knew Shannon had gone through the same kind of phase. Just like the other things many women seemed to go through when pregnant; cravings, crazy hormones and general insanity.
But knowing these things was different than seeing and experiencing them. And seeing it all unfold, everyday, with his own eyes—it could often be a bit terrifying. He would feel out of his depth. He remembered some of it vaguely from the part of Shannon's pregnancy he was there for. But clearly his memory had blocked some of the realness of it.
"Jen, why don't ya take a rest?"
"Maybe I could if all of this was done. Your place is a pigsty, I swear. Here"—she handed him cleaning pad—"if you're so eager for me to take a break. It'll get done quicker with help."
He glared at the pad in his hand, glaring at her back when he heard her muttered "men" comment. She was crazy. None of this needed done. And his place wasn't a "pigsty". She was going overboard, and he was worried she was going to hurt herself.
Women.
He'd come home one evening on her day off, finding that she had scrubbed the kitchen practically top to bottom. She seemed to re-arrange the nursery every damn day. Today she was apparently intent on scrubbing the life out of the bathrooms.
She'd blamed him when he told her she shouldn't be doing this kind of work in her condition, saying it was his fault she no longer had Noemi. She was the one who got Noemi another job, not him. If she had wanted to pay Noemi to clean his house, he wouldn't have cared. Sure, the thought had weirded him out a bit, he'd never had a maid and didn't see why you couldn't just do the work yourself. But this—this madness was just overkill.
"Hey," he snapped, grabbing under her arm gently to prevent her from bending when he saw her going for the tub. "I'll do this. No bending for you."
She scoffed, rolling her eyes and pulling away from him. "Fine," she muttered.
He grit his teeth, trying to rein in his own attitude before he dug himself in a hole he would regret. He got down on his knees, soaking the pad in the cleaning solution she had out and began to scrub.
"There is still so much we need to baby proof," she moaned, scrubbing the wall anxiously. "And Jethro, please, you need to do something about the basement. It's cluttered and it needs organized. It's not safe."
He held in his sigh, scrubbing hard at a water stain. He'd banned her from messing around with the basement when she complained about it the other day. He would not allow her to "organize" it and mess with his tools. Everything had it's own place for a reason. It was already organized. He was just hoping to wait out the storm, wait until she got over this weird nesting phase and was hopefully a little more rational.
"Kid won't be able to walk for a while," he said calmly. "Still got time."
"Oh, yes, let's put off safety for the sake of current convenience," she said dramatically.
He snapped, standing up and tossing the pad in the water. "Jenny—" he stopped immediately, realizing he was about to be out of line. He took a deep breath, rubbing a hand over his face and trying to ignore the challenging look on her face. He cleared his throat. "Whaddya want for dinner? I can make something, or go out and get somethin'. Whatever ya want."
"I just want this house to be ready for when the baby comes," she huffed, turning away and scrubbing again.
It was a baby, not the freaking queen of England. He rolled his eyes internally. Suddenly he was stuck. He knew he needed to get out of here because she was in a bad mood and he was getting in a bad mood and that wasn't good for either of them. It was probably better for them not to be around each other right now. But if he left, she'd feel like he left her to do it all on her own and be angry at him and accuse him of not helping…even though none of this was even remotely critical right now.
He scratched his jaw in irritation, watching her needlessly scrub. He knew she was stressed and hormonal. He knew she wasn't being rational. He knew that even if they had a maid here cleaning the place top-to-bottom, she still wouldn't be at ease and find other things to fuss over.
She was trying to distract herself from her career ending and the impending birth. Distract herself from the colossal changes that were just on the horizon.
He went back down on his knees, grabbing the cleaning pad and scrubbing at the bottom of the bathtub again.
Living with someone, being married, being in a relationship—none of it was easy. Yeah, you have your good days where you both can laugh and have a good time together, have some good sex and enjoy having someone who cares about you as much as you care about them. But there are also plenty of bad days. There are days where one or both of them is in a bad mood. Days where he was pretty sure either of them would willingly strangle the other. Human relationships are hard. They're frail. Emotions get involved and people get hurt. No relationship of any kind is easy—not friendships, not coworkers, not family. Any kind of relationship takes endless work and patience and communication. Which was exactly why he'd spent so many years protecting himself from anything too deep. Sometimes it was just easier to be alone and only deal with himself.
But at the end of the day, no matter how much Jenny pissed him off sometimes and he questioned why he bothered, or no matter how much he questioned why she was stupid enough to be with the likes of him—he knew he wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
So he scrubbed the damn tub—even if he thought she was being crazy—because he loved her.
After a good thirty minutes of silence, he heard her take a sharp intake of breath, looking over to see her tensed in place and a hand on her belly. He threw the pad down again, rushing over to her.
"Jen? What's wrong?" He placed a hand on her arm, ready to pick her up in his arms and get her to the hospital if need be.
She took a breath, relaxing again. "It's just Braxton Hicks."
"You sure?"
"I think so. It feels like it always does."
"Come on," he took away her pad and tossed it into the bucket with his. "You need to take a break. Sit down." He took her by the shoulders and steered her out of the bathroom.
"I'm fine, Jethro," she protested. "We're nearly done, let's just finish."
"No," he said harshly. "No more. You can't be workin' like this when you're this pregnant. I'll do it, but you need to rest."
"I'm telling you, I'm fine. I can do it!"
"Damn it, Jen, you remember the last time you overdid it? Learn to take a damn break!"
She pulled away from him, turning abruptly with anger threatening from every inch of her face. He knew he'd crossed a line the second the words were coming out of his mouth.
"How dare you," she whispered, tears starting to form in her eyes. She shoved him away, storming off down the hall to their room and slamming the door shut. He heard the door lock click, and all he could do was smack himself upside the head for being such an idiot. He cursed violently under his breath, balling his fists as he reigned in his anger.
He stormed back to the bathroom, deciding to take his frustration out on the cleaning. He scrubbed like his life depended on it.
She'd vented before about how sick she was of people treating her like some weak and incapable human ever since she'd gotten pregnant. Everyone walked on eggshells around her now, and it was driving her mad. She felt like a failure because she was leaving her job, and she didn't think she'd be a good mother. He knew all of this was hanging over her head and driving her crazy.
He knew she was capable. He knew she was the hardest worker of anyone. He knew she was someone to be both feared and respected when it came to the job. But honestly, he was sick of her acting like she was just as capable as before. She could have the baby any day now, and it scared the hell out of him. He didn't want her working at all, at work or at home. He didn't want her acting like she normally did. She normally wasn't over 38 weeks pregnant. Things were different now, and he wished she'd just accept it. He just wanted them both to be safe and healthy, and in his mind that meant she needed to take it easy for now.
He wiped sweat off his forehead when he finished the bathroom, looking around and deeming it, at least hopefully, clean enough for her. Hell, he'd never seen her go crazy cleaning before. She was used to a maid for years, and when she was his probie she was honestly pretty chill and not all that into anything she deemed "domestic". This was definitely just a pregnancy phase.
When he finished putting away the cleaning supplies, he went to their door, listening for any sounds of life. He knocked quietly, fearing he was waking her from a nap. But he really needed to make sure she was at least alive.
"Jen?" he said loudly through the door after his knocks.
"What?"
The icy reply satisfied him that she was, indeed, alive.
"Just makin' sure you're okay," he said, hearing her huff and mumble something in return. He decided it would be best to just leave her be. They both needed a little space.
He sighed and went into the nursery, looking at the baby proofing supplies she had in a bag on the cabinet. He honestly didn't quite know what some of it was or if any of it was necessary. He grabbed the outlet protectors he saw, at least knowing how those worked. He tore them out of the packages, getting a good handful and looking around the room, plugging any of the open outlets he saw. He then made his way around the rest of the upstairs, plugging any open outlets by the floor that any tiny child could possibly reach. He figured he didn't need to go too crazy, it would be a while yet before the baby could get around easily enough to really reach much.
When he finished hunting around the house for open outlets by the ground, he started the process of making dinner. He heard the toilet upstairs flush, realizing she had at least left the room to use the bathroom. He continued keeping an eye on the chicken and vegetables he had on the stove.
Food was a different process as they learned to live together over the months. Less takeout, less steak. More vegetables, more variety. There was no denying that they were learning to be much healthier people in every aspect. Life wasn't work, coffee, takeout, and whiskey anymore. Life wasn't doing it all alone. They both came home earlier, and no longer to an empty house. They were learning to compromise and be better together, trying to sacrifice. It wasn't easy by any means, but it really was a hell of a lot better than it used to be.
They got home from work, and Jenny was feeling the day. She was at 39 weeks now. Her days were spent feeling exhausted, not herself, and ready to be done. She was at the hospital every week for checkups the last few weeks. She had thankfully escaped many worries they usually had with their "geriatric pregnancy" patients. She and the baby were both healthy, which she was grateful for.
It wasn't fun having the constant thought of impending birth in her head though. Much as she was ready to get the baby out and feel normal, she knew birth was going to be a very new and probably very tough experience. She felt like she could handle it, and she refused to let it knock her off her feet too long. She'd handled a lot in her life already. She was sure there were many moms who had never experienced the horrors with her job that she had. She considered herself tough. But she'd also heard a lot of horror stories with birth now, and women online had made it known that it wasn't an easy process. They made it clear it was nothing like the movies, with a little screaming and pushing and then everything being happy and dandy after. And knowing that any day now she could go into labor now was daunting. Not knowing exactly when, and feeling so horrible at the same time, made her feel like she was being mocked by life.
Her time as Director was quickly coming to a close. She had been allowed to work the last full week before her due date, which was this week. She officially had three days left after today, and then Friday would be over and she'd have to face not working for the first time in years and years. She was going to miss the job more than words could say. She wanted to soak up every last second. She was still tempted most days to call SecNav and tell him she changed her mind.
But then she'd think of her lonely childhood. Her distant mother, her father who was always at work, and the maid, María, who really had raised her more than anyone else. Much as she had loved and appreciated María, she didn't want that for her own child. She didn't want him to be closer to the housekeeper than his own parents. She wanted him to have more than she had. Have the opportunities and love that she had missed out on.
"Guess I'll get the next load," Jethro grumbled, putting down the gift bags he had and walking back outside.
Abby had thrown a surprise goodbye party at work in the bullpen. Abby had kept it lowkey and it was just a brief celebration during lunch. Nothing crazy or unprofessional. She would be lying if she said it hadn't made her tear up, just like every damn thing did these days. But saying goodbye, even if it wasn't the very end yet…it was sad and bizarre. People had given baby gifts, so it really had also doubled as a baby shower of sorts. Jethro looked like he wanted to die when it was sprung on them all, and seemed to be trying to find some way to not have to participate. Unfortunately, being the impending father in the whole ordeal, meant he was forced to participate a little and even be polite to people.
Everyone at this point knew it was a boy. She had gotten asked by many people what they were planning to name the baby. A conversation she and Jethro had never arrived to an agreement on themselves yet. They'd narrowed names down, but ultimately seemed to come to the agreement that they would know the true winner when they actually saw him.
It seemed an impossible task, choosing a name. Choosing one that you both liked, didn't have bad associations with, and would be survivable for your child. Would their kid hate them for giving him a name that a million other people shared? Then again, wouldn't he hate them for giving him some weird one that people raised a questioning eyebrow to? There was no winning in this situation.
All she really knew was that while she kept thinking about how she couldn't wait to feel normal again and not be pregnant, she would also realize that life was never going to be normal again. She was going to have to adjust to a completely new normal, and she had no idea how it was going to feel, or what it would actually look like. She had a vague idea, but she really didn't know because she'd never experienced this. She didn't know what it was like to not work, not be in school, and have a kid to look after. Her whole life had always been working towards something, whether it be education or a work position.
But she was asking around about jobs with NCIS she could potentially do from home. She still wanted to be there. She still wanted to be part of it. NCIS had been her home when her life had fallen apart. Even if there wasn't something she could do from home, she planned to go back as soon as she could. As soon as their son was in school, she'd worm her way back in the agency. It wasn't like she would have anything better to do at home at that point.
"Kid's not even born and he's got too much crap," Jethro grumbled as he made his way in with the last of the gifts.
"I feel bad," she sighed, looking at the gifts. "Gift giving is awkward, because then you feel like you need to return the favor."
He grumbled an agreement. There were not tons of gifts by any means, the majority of the small pile was from the people they both associated at work with the most. Abby, Ducky, his team, Cynthia.
"I need my body back," she sighed.
"Could get your wish any minute," he shrugged.
"The thought of labor is painful. But I see why women don't care by this point. I'll take my vagina being ripped apart over having to be this pregnant for another month."
He made a face at the description and she just shrugged. She'd read what they said in birthing books, she read articles online, she'd looked at pictures and videos of birth. She'd tried to prepare herself for the inevitable, and she knew it wasn't going to be pretty. He may as well get used to the idea now.
Vance and his family were moving in this week. He'd be taking over as Director on Monday. Much as she had been determined to work until she wasn't allowed anymore, and was determined to sit at her desk as long as possible, she was feeling why women stopped working a ways before their due date. Pregnancy was tiring as it was, but the later stages of it were beyond exhausting. She hoped she popped soon, because she felt done. She'd have a burst of energy and feel like she could take on anything, and next thing she knew all she wanted was to be in bed and sleep. Her body was never constant anymore, nor were her emotions. That being said, while she wanted to get the baby out and be done, she was terrified of it at the same time.
They took the things upstairs and left them in the nursery to deal with later. The bag she had packed for the hospital was sitting open on the bed. She'd kept adding things here and there, trying to be as prepared as possible. She'd read a lot of online forums where women discussed what you needed or what would be a good idea. All of her research had led her to conclude that childbirth was not as open of a topic as it should be. She'd never thought about all the after bits of childbirth before. In movies and books they had a baby and went home happy and everything was normal. In reality, there was a lot of bodily consequences that the woman had to deal with after. The healing process sounded like quite the ordeal. It had even led her on a hunt across many stores and pharmacies for these special super absorbent and healing post-birth pads that women had recommended.
She'd even seen Jethro perusing through some of the books she'd bought. She knew she didn't have to worry about him. She knew he'd help her as much as possible and be there. She knew he'd be a natural with the baby. He had a lot more experience than her, after all. Even without his past and Kelly, he'd always been good with kids. She remembered the way he handled the little boy Zach after she'd come on as Director. How natural he'd been with the boy. Whereas when she had visited his house when he was watching over Zach, she'd been so much more unsure and nervous about how to talk around the kid. It had been the same when she was his probie. Any time they had a case involving kids, he always knew how to act around them. He knew how to comfort them and talk to them.
He was the natural. She just hoped she could be even half of the parent he would be. She worried that her fear of losing herself by becoming a parent, her fear of losing her job, was a sign that she was already going to fail as a parent.
She took a deep breath, looking over the railing from the catwalk into the bullpen. Her last day was nearly over, and it was surreal. This was the last day she had gotten to play the director. The building was dark, most of the crew having left a couple of hours ago. She'd been thanked by many throughout the day, and had quite a few goodbye handshakes and hugs. She'd had to do her all to keep it together. She'd had her last meeting in MTAC, she'd signed off the last of the reports and papers on her desk, and she'd done her best to enjoy every last minute of the day despite how awful and huge she felt.
She had been allowed to work up until the last full week before her due date, and here she was. She was kind of glad the baby had waited until now, because it meant she had gotten to stick around at work. She had hit her two year anniversary as Director a couple weeks ago as well, and she was glad she had at least made it that far. It was better than having less than a year on her record.
Jethro and his team were still in interrogation, the last team to be working for the day. An agent below gave her a nod as they left to the elevator, and she returned the nod and smiled.
She took another breath, gripping the railing.
Jethro and his team were downstairs, waiting on the elevator. When it finally got to them, they all clambered in, everyone silent and tired.
"Go home," he instructed. "Continue where we left off in the morning. Nothing more we can do now."
They all grumbled an agreement. It had been a long day of chasing and interrogating. He hated when suspects refused to break and didn't give them anything.
The elevator opened and they wandered out to the bullpen to get their stuff. He stopped, spotting Jenny up where she belonged. The queen, surveying her kingdom. He gave a little wave, and she gave one back. He looked over to his team, making sure they were distracted before he blew a little kiss to her.
She shook her head at his antics, rolling her eyes before blowing one back. He smirked.
He was sure as hell gonna miss that view.
She watched his team pack up their things, all of them clearly tired and ready to be done. They all gave a wave to her as they left. DiNozzo gave a dramatic bow, making her smile, while Ziva and McGee shook their heads at the agent. They'd already said goodbye to her earlier, and she'd told them she would still see them around. As long as they were on team Gibbs, they were sure to still have association with her. And she did plan to be back eventually in some kind of capacity at NCIS. She hoped at least some of them would still be around when that time came. Ziva gave her a wink and they all waved before they headed into the elevator.
Jethro grabbed his things and made his way up to her.
"You weren't waitin' around for me to finish, were ya?"
She shook her head no. "I figured I may as well stick around until the end of things. I let my security detail go hours ago and said goodbye. No point in them staying late on my last night."
He nodded, putting an arm around her waist and looking at her. "You ready to go now?"
"I guess so," she breathed out, her eyes scanning the bullpen from her view one last time. "I just need to grab my box in my office."
"Okay."
They went into her office. It felt strangely empty without her personal effects and pictures around. It was all in the box on her desk. It had been bizarre packing it up earlier. She supposed she was glad she was the one doing the packing though. Goodness knows she had helped enough times in the past with packing up other agents things for them, since they were dead. She'd rather take her own things than have it sorted through and packed up by some other agent.
She wondered, had she not ended up with Jethro, and had she died in her capacity as Director…who would have sorted through her things? Would it have been Leon, impersonally boxing it up without a care? Would it have been Gibbs? Would he even have cared much if they'd never gotten back together? It was a grim thought.
At least she'd gotten to surrender her weapon and badge of her own free will. It was hard parting with the physical effects that she had carried for so many years. But it had been her own choice, and that was what mattered.
Jethro picked up the box, her pictures on top rattling from the movement.
She looked around the room, feeling the stirrings of emotions in her chest as she took it all in one last time. She took a shuddering breath, hugging herself.
"Okay," she said determinedly, nodding her head. She led the way out of the office, glancing at the note and bottle of fancy wine she'd left on Cynthia's desk as a goodbye. They got out to the catwalk and she took in that view one last time as well. It was all dark and vacated, a sight she'd gotten used to after many late nights here. Her eyes lingered the most at team Gibbs' desks, where her eyes had spent the most time lingering the last couple of years. She turned a little, looking at him behind her, assuring herself he was there. There had been many times when the absence of his silver head down there made her wonder where exactly he was. Times in the first year when she'd known he was probably alone in his basement, while she was alone here. Things had changed drastically since then.
He gave her a small smile that she returned. He knew this was hard one her, saying goodbye. But something in his gut told him she'd be back. He just knew this wasn't the end of of Jenny Shepard at NCIS.
As she took them down the stairs, her hand gracefully brushed along the top of the railing. Like a queen, descending her throne with elegance and poise. She seemed determined to leave and not linger too much anymore.
It was a quiet elevator ride, and a quiet walk to the car on top of that. It wasn't until they left the heart of the city that he heard the quiet intake of her breath as she broke. Could see out of the corner of his eyes her wiping tears off of her face. He reached out his right hand, holding one of her hands in comfort for the rest of the drive.
He hated that he was here on the weekend. He hated that Jenny was home alone, massively pregnant and depressed over giving up her job. His phone had become his best companion now. It was on him at all times, on full volume. He didn't care if he was in the middle of a shootout or an interrogation, the minute Jenny called she would be his only priority.
He looked at the clock and flipped open his phone, paranoid that he could have missed something.
"I still think our vic, Newton, may have been part of the crew. The deal probably went south and they didn't care who got left behind in the blast. They can't rat on him because it'll blow their entire operation."
He rubbed his head, trying to listen to Tony's thoughts and focus. This was going to kill him. He was working up until Jenny went into labor, in order to be at home for his full paternity leave when the baby was there. For once in his life, he decided he wasn't fond of his country, for the simple fact that jobs made family a secondary in life. The fact he couldn't be home with Jenny helping her out during however long she had left, and be at home with her and the baby for a month, boggled his mind.
It was better than what he had with Kelly. He'd missed her birth and the early stages of her infancy. At least he got to be here this time. He had managed to get four weeks of leave, between family leave benefits and gambling his own accrued time off. One week of it was even paid. He was damn lucky, because many only got a week or two, oftentimes unpaid, and most couldn't afford to take any unpaid time off. If the mother of his child hadn't been the director, and if Tony hadn't been trained as team leader before, he probably wouldn't have gotten away with more than two weeks.
"Boss?"
He looked up from the phone he'd been staring at on his desk, realizing his whole team was staring at him nervously.
"Hm?"
"Um, we were, uh, wondering what you thought?"
"'bout what?"
"The case?"
He sighed, totally out of the loop on whatever they'd been debating. "Think it's gonna be a long weekend."
She opened her door, smiling when her dad's office came into view. It had been too long since she'd been able to relax on her own here. No Jethro, no detail hovering outside. Just her.
Well, her and the baby that was determined to take up every inch of space in her body.
She pulled out her phone, knowing it would be in her best interests to tell Jethro she had moved locations. He was being ridiculously paranoid, and practically seemed to want hourly updates. She knew why he was worried, but honestly, it wasn't like she was already in labor. It would happen when it happened. There wasn't anything they could do until then.
She went to the office, wiping a light layer of dust off the desk with her hand before she took a seat.
She realized she didn't have much to do here. She used to do paperwork. Now she had no paperwork to do.
She sighed, looking around and deciding which book she maybe wanted to read. Jethro had books, but not as many as she did. His tv was ancient and she was going to demand they buy a nice new one or take one from her house. If she was going to be home all the time, she needed a better television.
Perhaps she needed to take up some new hobby. Maybe she needed to paint. Maybe she should take up boat building like Jethro. The thought made her snort. A baby in one arm, a sander in the other. It would probably make Jethro jealous. Not to mention, he probably wouldn't like her in his precious basement. He got annoyed if even a hammer was out of place. She'd need to build her own basement. If she did, it would be nicer than his. More light, decorations, maybe even a nicely painted wall. She could make it so girly he'd never even want to go into it.
Then again, she did have her own entire house she could escape to if she wanted to do her own things. Maybe she'd convert the baby to prefer her house over his. That would drive Jethro crazy.
She was glad Jethro had a family home though. A yard, a tree, a fence. A lot of space. Her house was surrounded by others, and there was no yard. Just a busy street. It was a nice home, but it wasn't exactly a comfortable family space. Certainly not baby or toddler friendly.
There was something oddly nice about the idea of her and Jethro in his home, a little kid running around. Maybe they'd even throw another kid and a dog in the mix. The idea made her smile. She could see Jethro playing with the kids in the yard, and an excited dog watching.
She shook her head, finding it crazy that she even romanticized that concept now. Goodness, things had changed. It had only taken one day of being unemployed for her to lose her marbles. She refused to be pregnant like this again, and she was sure after she gave birth she'd be first in line to get on good birth control again.
She picked up one of the books on her desk that she had meant to start but never had the time.
"You've got the time now," she muttered to herself, glancing at the clock as she flipped it open. Eleven hundred. People at the office would be thinking about lunch by now, or thinking about what they'd eat in an hour. Then again, it was a weekend, so there were very few people there compared to normal. Jethro's team, and any other on-call staff required to be in the building. She could envision his team sitting there in the bullpen, probably chatting and driving Gibbs insane. It was always the most entertaining thing to do on his team, drive him crazy. When she and Stan and Will would bring up ridiculous things and make Gibbs question why he bothered to be alive.
She didn't even read almost any of the book, instead her thoughts were focused on the nostalgic work times. Her phone interrupted her thoughts and she rolled her eyes when she saw the caller idea.
"Jethro," she purred in a mockingly sweet way.
"Jen, you okay?"
"Of course I am. I told you, if anything changed, I'd let you know."
"You sure?"
"Jethro, I don't recall my text saying I was at the hospital. Unless I've lost my mind, I'm pretty sure I typed 'my house'."
He sighed and grumbled, "Just makin' sure."
"I promise you, if anything happens, you'll be the first to know. Trust me, I expect you to be there with me through every second. I'm sure I'll need to break at least ten fingers to get through it, and last I checked you have ten of them. Unless you lost one today, in which case, you're going to be useless to me and I expect you to find a replacement."
She hoped for a laugh but he merely let out some kind of grumble.
"Oh, cheer up, you old man. You're no fun."
"Not you," he said quickly, and then she heard the shouted "DiNozzo!" a little too clearly through the phone. "I gotta go," he said quickly. "Love you."
"Love you too."
She heard another reprimand as his phone clicked off.
She sighed, wishing she didn't feel so utterly bored. She wished she was at the office and knew what kind of trouble they were getting up to. At the same time, it was a little relieving to not have to be in charge of all of them anymore. No longer would she have to turn a blind eye to certain things and worry about others. It was Leon's job to be the glorified Navy babysitter now. She would have her own actual baby to watch.
Now the darn kid just needed to get here so she'd at least have something to do.
A/N: We're finally over the last of the painful hill! Baby Gibbs makes his arrival next chapter. Thanks to everyone who has continued to stick around this long for this story. In two days it will mark a year since I published the first chapter. I truly had hoped to have all of this written much quicker for myself and for all of you, so I really do thank everyone who has been patient through this extremely long process. Thank you for the continued reviews too. You're all the best.
