So, I'd like to apologize that this has taken a while to reply to, but I'm actually at the beach right now. We rent a house, and I was under the impression that we'd be able to dial up with the lap top here. But, unfortunately, no phone here, so nothing to dial up to. The good news is, the campground we stay at has a "wireless zone" which I'm using the post this; however, it's kind of a drag to get the laptop all packed up and drive to the area, and the last time I came the site wasn't working. So I'm doing something I don't like to do. I'm posting two chapters at a time, because I'm almost done with this story thanks to all the free time, and I don't know how many times I'm going to get over to the wireless zone.

The reason I don't like to post two chapters at a time is because it downs the reviews. But what I'm hoping is that you guys will review both chapters as you read them…partly because I'm gonna be selfish and want as many reviews as I can get (this story is my highest yet, and I rather like reviews) but mostly because I like to know what people think about it as they read it, and usually you're going to be more likely to talk about the stuff you JUST read in the reviews. But I want to know what people think about this chapter when they don't know what's going to happen next chapter. So if everyone would do me a real favor and do a review for both chapter nine and chapter ten, it'll be a nice incentive for me to post the next one sometime before I get home on Monday.

After nine and ten, there will be at least two, very possibly three, more chapters in the story. Enjoy and review…

Chapter Nine

Addison

She comes out of the OR, feeling the pleasant satisfaction that always follows a successful surgery.

Derek was released today. He'd said something about going back home right away…couldn't wait to get out of that hospital room.

Addison's feeling confident about going home (even back to the awful trailer). Even with Derek realizing all the lies she'd told, he seemed ready to try. Meredith had even agreed. Maybe this could be a new chapter in their lives, and years from now they can look back on the past months and laugh in disbelief, saying, "Remember the time we almost packed it in for good?"

Of course, there are things she chooses to ignore. Derek's depression. The very resigned attitude to all this talk of their 'trying' and 'making an effort'. At the moments he should have gotten angry with her, he didn't show forgiveness or understanding; he simply gave the impression that he's simply too tired to argue with her or show anger.

Still.

Addison prefers not to think about that. She enjoys entertaining the notion that everything will be get better.

She gathers her things to go home, and notices her cell phone shows 3 missed calls. She opens it and stares, almost nervous.

Mark, 1: 34 p.m.

Mark, 9:02 p.m.

Mark, 12: 47 a.m.

She sighs, deleting them from her RECENT CALLS list. There's part of her that wants to talk to him, wants to know why he's calling again. He'd seemed to give up after a couple of weeks.

But she can't. It would Wrong.

Besides, she has Derek now.

Right?

Meredith

She's properly drunk now, as they enter the foyer of her house, him kissing her neck as she throws her coat at a chair but misses.

Her speech is slurred. "Bedroom's upstairs…"

He's not as bad she is, but was well on his way when they'd left. "I was just gonna ask."

She takes his arm and leads him upstairs, unbuttoning her top as they go. She shoves him into the bedroom and he kisses her roughly. She dimly remembers to close the door before they fall onto the bed.

After, they lay next to each other in bed. Meredith is used to this. It was normal a few weeks ago, and now it's become normal again.

She remembers this one's name at least. Mark. The doctor from across the country.

Mark. Doctor. Across the country. Something about that triggers something small and indistinct in her subconscious. She allows herself to think for a few moments before giving up.

She is unable to think too hard during times like these. That's kind of the point.

"So you do this a lot?" His voice startles her, whispering next to her right ear.

"Do what?"

"This. The inappropriate sexual decisions. One night stand and all that. The bar thing."

All honesty, she answers, "Yes."

"I guess we're alike then."

She glances at him. This is new. The talking. It treads on dangerous territory.

He meets her eyes. "So what's your story? Bad breakup? Cuz I'm guessing this isn't just a hobby."

She stares at him, shocked. This defeats the purpose. Talking about the very thing she wants to avoid. She searches her mind dimly for some line. "We don't have to do the thing."

"The thing?"

"Exchange the details, pretend we care…" Oh, perfect. She'd used that one on Derek, the first time. We can do anything you want.

He raises his eyebrows. "Who's pretending?"

What is with this guy? He's clearly not following the plan. He's a smartass, she'd seen that as the barstool conversation progressed. But he's been where she is; he's been hurt by someone.

Still, you would think he would understand the need to avoid the subject.

"Yeah, bad breakup. Bad everything."

"Cheated?' There's something knowing in his tone. He smiles slightly, as though it was obvious."

She smirks. "No. Actually his wife, that I didn't know existed, showed up."

Mark's smile fades. He looks surprised.

Mark

Suddenly it hits him. Meredith. What it was about the name that triggered something…

"The hospital. Seattle Grace? You work there?"

She looks surprised. "Yeah."

"Surgical intern?"

More surprise. "Uh-huh…"

Oh, hell.

No fucking way.

Derek's lusty intern. His first night in town and he sleeps with Derek's lusty intern. Very ironic. When he and Derek used to be best friends, people were surprised by the friendship. Said the two had nothing in common.

Clearly, they had more in common than they'd thought. First Addison, now Meredith.

Coincidence much?

Meredith's too wasted to think to ask how he knows this. He's grateful for that.

He falls silent then and she seems to appreciate it.

His mind is racing. Surely he can use this in some way. Surely both of them can.

He reaches down on the floor where he'd dropped his coat earlier and blindly jumbles for the pocket. Finding it at last, he checks his cell.

No missed calls.

Three phone calls, no answer.

This isn't going to be as easy as he had hoped.

Izzie

Walking into the kitchen next morning, she stops short.

A man she's never seen before is standing there making coffee and flipping eggs, looking as relaxed as if he lived there.

He turns and smiles at her.

She has to hand it to Meredith. Even when she's drunk, she picks 'em good.

"Hi?" she says uncertainly. What is the proper opener for situations like this.

"Hi. I'm Mark. I'm with Meredith."

"I'm Izzie, Meredith's roommate."

Stop staring at him.

"Eggs?"

Izzie nods awkwardly.

He grabs some aspirin and a glass of water, gesturing at the eggs. "Help yourself. I'm gonna take this up to Meredith…help with her hangover." He smiles slightly, then leaves the room while Izzie gapes at him.

A few minutes later, George walks in. "Oh, you made eggs? What's with that?"

"Not me. Meredith's latest guy."

"Really?" George raises his eyebrows. "Sounds like he's a keeper."

"Tell me about it. He's way sexy, too. She needs to bring more like him…"

Meredith

She wakes up and her bed's empty. Saves her the trouble of getting rid of him.

Her head is pounding and last night is just a foggy memory as usual. She searches for his name…Mark? Yeah, that was it.

She gives a cry of surprise as he walks in the room, carrying a glass of water. "Morning." He tells her cheerfully. "Here, take these…head off your hangover."

She looks warily at the pills. He grins. "Aspirin from your cabinet. I'm not drugging you. Izzie was my witness."

"You met Izzie?" Meredith takes the pills and swallows them; the headache is really strong.

"Yeah. Looked surprised to see me."

Well, of course she was. The guys Meredith brings home never just waltz into the kitchen to make eggs or bring her aspirin. They wake up and get kicked out. The end.

"Thanks, Mark." She clears her throat. "Listen, um, I have to go take a shower and be at work so…" She trails off, letting him figure it out on his own.

He ignores the suggestive tone. "You probably have pre-rounds, huh?"

She looks at him quizzically. Had she told him where she worked, what she did? "Yeah. Pre-rounds."

"Hard day of dodging your ex and his wife, huh?"

She stares at him, startled. "Did I tell you that?" She struggles to remember more about last night. She thought she never talked about Derek. Why would she say that?

"Yeah. Your boss. Whatever his name is."

"Oh." This guy already knows way too much. "Listen, Mark, I'm going to go take a shower, and then leave for work so…" Her usual catchphrases won't seem to come. They don't seem appropriate. He waits expectantly. "You should probably take off."

"Oh! Yeah, of course, I'll be out of your way."

Good. He gets it.

"As soon as I finish the eggs I made." He smiles at her and walks downstairs.

Later, Meredith walks downstairs to see him sitting there talking to George and Izzie. She stares, nervous for some reason. There's something about him she feels she should place…

"Morning, Mer." Izzie greets her.

"Did you know Mark's in plastics?"

"No, I didn't." She slides awkwardly into the chair between Mark and George. Plastics.

She turns to Mark, deciding the only way to get rid of him is to be blunt, "Why are you still here?" She hisses.

He smiles innocently. "Eggs."

She raises her voice. "Well, we have to go. Or we're going to be late. So…" She stands, glaring at George and Izzie pointedly. "Nice meeting you."

George and Izzie take the hint and stand. Mark follows suit. "You, too. Maybe I'll see you around."

No way. "Maybe."

They walk out of the house.

XXXXXXXX

Addison's the first person Meredith sees at work, when she walks into an elevator to find Addison its only other occupant. She's looking somewhat distracted, but manages to give Meredith a quick, unreadable look, looking as though she wants to say something but doesn't.

Meredith almost wants to ask when Derek is coming back to work. But discussing Derek with his wife wouldn't be very smart.

The awkward silence is broken when Addison's phone rings. She takes it out to look.

Please God don't let that be Derek, Meredith thinks silently. Don't make me have to stand here and listen to them…

If its Derek, Meredith would never know. Addison glances at the name and puts it back, while they stand listening to it ring.

Meredith glances at her and Addison looks back, giving her a look that seems to say "Mind your business".

They exit the elevator.

Meredith heads to the nurses station to pick up some lab results. She stops suddenly. "Mark?"

He turns and smiles, looking as if this was a pleasantly surprising, coincidental, 'imagine seeing you here!' moment. "Hi."

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"Relax. I want to look up an old friend of mine who works here."

"Oh." Meredith stares at him skeptically.

"Besides, what are you afraid of? Maybe that old boyfriend will see and get jealous…"

"Ha. Anyway, he's not even here today, he was in a car accident." She doesn't know why she told him that. Might as well…for all she knows she told him the entire story last night.

For some reason, Mark looks put out by this information. His eyes widen. "Derek was in a car accident?"

"Yeah, he-" She pauses. "Wait, Derek? I never told you his name…"

The 'caught' expression on Mark's face gives him away.

Meredith stares at him, then suddenly it dawns on her. Mark. Why that had triggered something…

I found her in bed with Mark. Who happened to be my best friend.

A doctor across the country.

Plastic surgeon.

Wanted to look up an old friend of his…

"Oh, God….no, no, tell me you're not…"

He looks guilty. He must know who she is then.

"You….you're…"

"Yeah. Mark Sloan. Another victim of the Marriage Shepard."

She can't believe this. "Is that why you came up to me in the bar!"

"No! How would I have known then? I figured it out when you said that about his wife showing up…"

"Oh my God."

He leans forward. "It's not that big of a-"

"Yeah, it is. You have to leave…"

"Relax, Derek's not even here…"

"Addison is." Meredith shakes her head slightly at the rapid shift in the method of conversation with each other. Before, they were strangers and they spoke that way. But suddenly they know a lot about each other…the most important stuff. No use concealing anything…

"Good." Mark says calmly. "I came to see her." He looks at Meredith. "Derek okay?"

"Yeah, but that's not….why are you here to see Addison?"

"To bring her home."

Meredith stares at him. So there was more than just an affair on that side, too.

"It won't work." She informs him bluntly. "They're trying." That last word comes out dripping with bitterness.

"I need to see her."

Stubborn asshole.

"Well, get away from me. I…we have to act like this never happened."

"If you say so. But you might want to rethink it. We could help each other out."

She rolls her eyes. "What?"

Mark raises his eyebrows knowingly. "I doubt Derek would take it too well…seeing us together."

"Neither will Addison, right?"

"Well, that's what I'm hoping."

Meredith feels almost sorry for him. He's still in that 'pick me, choose me' stage. The one she gave up on a long time ago.

"Look, you…you haven't been around. It's not simple like that. It's not like just…making them jealous. They're trying because it's the right thing to do." Not because it's what they want. She'd almost added that, but wasn't sure if it was accurate on both sides of the marriage.

Mark nods. "You're probably right. But I'm still talking to Addison."

"I have to go. Rounds."

Meredith walks off, mortified.

Izzie

He'd showed up at work to see her. The guys Meredith kicks out never do that. Izzie feels slightly hopeful. Maybe this could be a change. Maybe Meredith can start to move on from Derek.

It's doubtful.

But there's a chance.

After Meredith walks off from Mark, Izzie follows her into the hall and falls into step next to her. Meredith has a strange look on her face.

"What's with you?"

"Mark."

"Yeah, he came to see you! I like him, Mer. Maybe he could be, you know, more than a one night-"

"Not me. Addison."

Izzie pauses. Trying to understand how this sentence could apply to anything said, then finding she couldn't, she simply said, "What?"

"He didn't come to see me. He came to see Addison."

"How does he know Addison?"

Meredith groans softly. She turns to Izzie, looking horrified. "That's Mark. As in Addison's Mark. The guy she cheated on Derek with. Mark!"

Izzie stares at her, openmouthed. "Wait…that's…that's the guy she cheated…and you slept with…oh my God, Meredith!"

"I know."

"So what is he doing here?"

"He wants to bring Addison back. Fat chance of that happening, though."

Addison

Her pager goes off. She's being paged to the nurse's station immediately.

She wonders if that means something was irregular in her patient's labs. Maybe…

She freezes.

He turns. Gives her that little half grin where only one side of his mouth goes up, his eyes narrowed.

"Hi."

She can't speak for a second. Finally, she approaches him swiftly, takes his arm and leads him out of earshot from the nurse sitting at the desk, notorious for gossip.

"What are you doing here, Mark?" She whispers.

"I came to bring you home."

She looks away for a moment. "Mark. I'm sorry that we left things the way we did…"

"You came her on a case, Addison."

She forces herself to look at him, her expression pained. "I know. But I stayed for my marriage. We're trying. Both of us. I have to try with him, Mark. I…I still love him."

"What about him?"

"Excuse me?"

"Does he love you?" Addison doesn't answer. "That intern…Meredith-"

"What about her?" Addison asks brusquely.

"The way I hear it…and yeah, I've heard a lot, he was pretty far gone with her."

"They're over, Mark. He doesn't even talk to her anymore." Mark makes a skeptical noise, but he's watching her carefully.

"That's it, huh? You're jealous. You just don't want him with her."

"That's not true. Now do me a favor and get out. Get out of the hospital, get out of the city, the state…just go. I can't have you here. I can't deal with it."

"I'm not leaving yet." His voice is low. "I miss you, Addison."

She determinedly avoids his gaze. "You can't be here."

"Why?"

"Derek could see you."

"Ha! Nice try. He's not working today."

Addison stares at him, confused. "What? Who told you that?"

"Car accident, right?"

"Who told you!"

"Meredith."

Addison stares at him, the color leaving her face. "What! Why were you talking to her?"

"Why not? We do have a lot in common." He's smirking again.

Addison's pager goes off. She glances at it, then up at him. "I have to go. I have a patient…please just leave."

"Fine. But just the hospital. I'm not leaving for good until we talk. You can't just tell me your leaving for a case then call and say you're not coming back.. You owe me an explanation!"

Unable to come up with a reply, she questions him again. "Why were you talking to Meredith!"

He shrugs slyly. "Guess you'll have to talk to me later to find out. I'm not going to stop calling. And I'm not going anywhere."

Mark

He watches Addison leave after her patient, but he doesn't go anywhere. Where else is there to go? He'll just hang around the hospital.

He doesn't trust Addison to call him. Or answer his calls. Or anything else. But he's not letting her get away that easy.

Not again.

Deciding the nurse's station may not be the best hang out, he begins to wander around. Maybe look in on Webber. Of course, he loves Derek so much he'll be dead set against Mark…if he know that is.

Mark shakes his head bitterly at the thought. He's sure Webber made Addison a great offer to stay, in spite of what she says about the marriage being her sole reason…he knows her too well. Of course Richard would have happily forgiven the woman who cheated on his old favorite student (Addison was one of the favorites as well) but for the guy who she cheated with…

Maybe looking in on Webber isn't the best idea.

Derek

He thought he'd be so glad to be out of that hospital room he'd appreciate the trailer.

But he's restless already, after one day at home.

How can he not be? All that time to sit and think about everything going wrong in his life lately. That's no difference from the hospital room.

After a couple of hours of noting, to give himself something to do, he dresses quickly and decides to head over to the hospital…paperwork, check up on post-op patients, things of that nature. If he'd being honest with himself, he's hoping to see Meredith. Just to see her…not talk. That's apparently forbidden now.

Addison

She's back at the nurses station a few hours later, this time half expecting to see Mark still standing there.

There's no one, though. She doesn't know if she's relieved or not.

The nurse, the gossipy one, is watching her curiously as she gives her the lab results.

"Something on your mind, Patricia?" Addison asks casually.

"That man you were talking to earlier…you know him?"

"An old colleague." Addison says vaguely. Patricia is always on the hunt for some sort of useful information…but it's unclear now whether she's fishing or if she has something to pass on.

"You asked him why he was talking to Dr. Grey…"

Addison struggles to keep her nonchalance, filling out some forms as they talk. "Yes."

"Well, you didn't hear this from me…I don't want to make trouble-" Addison nearly laughs. "But from what they were saying earlier, the two of them had a little thing."

Addison's pen slips from her hand, leaving a black mark on the paper. "A thing?"

"Slept together. Last night, I'd guess."

Addison meets her eyes. It's clear Patricia is dying to see how Addison reacts to this. "Hmmm. Well, that certainly clears up my question. I'll see you later." She turns leaving Patricia no doubt disappointed.

Addison's palms are sweating, her head spinning in a very unpleasant manner.

Mark and Meredith.

Meredith and Mark.

Together.

Of all the people in the damn city…

She's distracted all through the ultrasound and tests on her latest patient, and ends up leaving Stevens to take care of a good bit of work.

She moves through the hallway later, aimlessly, barely aware of her surroundings.

Until she sees Mark. Heading to the lobby. He obviously hung around.

She follows him and meets him right at the door.

"What the hell-"

"Whoa, Addison, I know I said I'd leave-"

"I don't care about that…you slept with Meredith Grey!"

"He what?"

They turn. Derek is standing there, staring at them in open horror.

Derek

The first thing he'd seen walking in the hospital was Mark.

Hallucination?

No, there was Addison, running after him.

His first thought was to walk up to the guy and punch him out. Then he hears what they say.

And suddenly he feels like he's back in that car, careening toward a tree, only dimly aware of the implications of what's about to happen.

"You…" He steps toward Mark, and despite the fact that he's slightly shorter and less built than his ex-best friend, Mark backs up at the look on Derek's face. "You…you and Meredith…I…you and Meredith?"

No 'what the hell are you doing here?'. No 'who do you think you are.' Nothing. None of that matters.

He feels Addison's eyes on him but he doesn't care. He's glaring at Mark. "You've been in town for, for…for what?"

"A day."

"A day. Right. You've been here a day and you already…" Words fail him. He's so angry he's shaking. "Meredith?"

"Derek, it's not like-" Addison's voice is quiet, uncertain.

"Shut up."

She stares openmouthed at him

"Hey, easy killer." Mark's tone is faintly amused. Derek hates him. "You've got good taste. I mean, she was pretty damn go-"

Derek's fist connects with Mark's cheek and Mark crumples to the ground under the impact.

"Derek!" Addison cries in alarm. She walks after him, grabbing his arm. "You can't just-"

He shakes his wife off. "Back off. And what the hell is he doing here anyway?" Without waiting for an answer, he stalks across the room and into the elevator.

Meredith

She's waiting on the second floor for the elevator. When it opens, her heart drops. Derek.

Her 'hey' won't even come out. Instead she walks in next to him and stands there, hoping the next few seconds will be quick.

To her surprise, he speaks. His tone is surprisingly hostile, "So. Hear you had a busy night last night."

Meredith feels like her blood runs cold at his words. "What?"

"You met Mark, huh?" She turns to face him, and he's smiling, in a terrifying, spiteful way.

Her tongue suddenly feels too big for her mouth. "D-Derek…I just-"

"No, it's fine. In fact, I think it's great. You two have something in common after all."

"Derek."

"You know what, Meredith? Just shut up. Mark. I would think he's the one guy even you would avoid."

She turns to him completely, her eyes narrowed. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Stuff gets around this hospital. Even if you're a patient you hear it. And from the way I hear it you've been getting around lately."

A kind of roaring in her ears, Meredith reaches out and violently pulls the stop button on the elevator. She walks up to Derek and he backs up slightly, until his back's to the elevator wall.

"Don't you dare judge me. Why do you think I do that stuff Derek? Because I'll take a shit load of judgment and self-disgust and whispers and a bad reputation in exchange for a couple hours of forgetting about you, and forgetting about how much I'm hurting. And, yeah, to you that may be pathetic, but to me? It's the only thing I have. And it's none of your business anymore. You're the one who made the mess, and I'm not asking you to forgive or understand the way I pick it up." She leans out and pushes the stop button back in. Before the elevator opens, she meets his eyes one more time. "And Mark? I didn't know who he was, okay? So I wasn't trying to…make you jealous or get back at you, if that's what you're thinking. I didn't know."

Derek

He stays in the elevator even though the floor Meredith got off on is the one the patient he intended to see is on.

He goes to the very top and then back down again, unable to move. Finally, he walks out on the ground floor and robotically leaves the hospital. He doesn't even look to see if Addison and Mark are still there. He doesn't care.

He goes back to the trailer, one coherent thought making it's way into his brain.

I practically called her a whore.

He had, right? That was the interpretation anyone would get from that, right?

He feels stupid.

Addison calls a couple times. He doesn't answer the phone. Let her think he's pissed at her for talking to Mark. He's dimly aware that she'll probably be angry at him, for his reaction.

He doesn't care.

Addison

She's suturing Mark's cheek in a private examination room rather than in the pit. She could see the look in his eyes that he'd been tempted to do it himself, but both of them wanted to time to talk.

He begins speaking after awhile. "You see Addison? He's still in love with her."

"Hmmm?"

"Derek. He still loves her. He's not even trying to hide it, not even in front of you. Can you really pretend you don't see that?"

She's silent. To be honest, she was deeply troubled by Derek's reaction. No point in telling Mark that. Or telling Mark that Derek had very recently openly admitted that he was in love with Meredith.

"I'm finished here." He turns his face toward her and she lowers her voice. "You should get out of here, Mark."

"So, what? That's it? I came here to get an explanation from you, and hopefully bring you back-"

"I'm not coming back, Mark. And my explanation is…I was tired of it. The affairs. The guilt. I needed to give my marriage a chance."

"Your marriage is dead, Addie." He informs her bluntly. "Why are you pretending not to notice?"

She looks away. "You should really go."

Meredith

She gets home from the hospital that night with Izzie and George and Derek's waiting on her porch. Both of them mumble something at him then hurry inside.

She attempts to push past him into the house, pretending as though he's not even there. But of course he doesn't allow it, laying his hand on hers when she touches the knob. She jerks back, and he uses the opportunity to position himself between her and the door.

"Dr. Shepard, please go away." She doesn't know why she does that. Dr. Shepard. As if that somehow makes everything more formal, as if it shadows the tension there. It doesn't sound normal. It sounds as if she's trying too hard.

"You don't have to call me-"

"Whatever. Leave."

"I wanted to say I'm sorry." He gets this out in a rush, as though he's concerned about being interrupted.

She looks at him.

"I shouldn't have…I mean, you're right. I'm in no place to judge you. IT's just….I was jealous. I mean, damn it, Meredith, it's going to be hard enough for me to see you with any guy…but Mark!"

"I didn't know it was him, Derek." She says softly, even though a part of her is scolding herself for feeling the need to explain.

"I know. It's just…the kind of guy he is. I wouldn't have thought you'd be taken in."

"Taken in! We were drunk, Derek, and I was just looking for an escape. I didn't care what the hell kind of guy he was. So shut up about it."

Derek just stands watching her for awhile, and she can tell he's struggling with himself over something. Finally he sighs and speaks slowly, "I know you're right. And I know it's not my place to say anything about it…but…I just can't look at you without thinking…" He trails off.

Meredith looks away from him, her voice tight. "Then don't look at me at all. You shouldn't be. Just…forget about me."

He puts his finger under her chin and lifts her face to look at him. "Yeah, right. Impossible."

She steps back. "You don't have a choice." She grabs the doorknob and this tie he doesn't object.

XXXXXXXXX

For the next two days at work, Meredith is looking forward to some days at the hospital without having to avoid Derek, but he comes in anyway, despite the fact that he can't operate.

She feels his glances in the halls, and there's a mixture of longing, guilt, and (sometimes the most prominent) disappointment or judgment. She knows what's on his mind, and every time he looks at her she feels like she's suffocating. She can't do this forever. She makes a decision…she'll talk to the Chief again. And this time she won't just ask questions.

Two days after Derek showed up for her porch, Bailey's giving out assignments in the locker room. Meredith hasn't been to Joe's since she met Mark. She'll be going back soon, she knows, but for now she's been settling for the tequila in the fridge. She doesn't want to attempt to talk to another guy yet. There's no telling who he'll end up being.

"Karev, you're with Dr. Burke, Stevens with Montgomery-Shepard…um, okay, O'Malley you're in the pit and Yang you're with Shepard. Grey…" She glances at Meredith. "Stay here. We need to talk."

Everyone in the room shoots Meredith looks. Meredith nods.

As the others file out to their assignments, Meredith mentally prepares herself for what's coming. Probably the talking to about the whole hand thing. Or the whole 'personal life getting in the way' speech.

Bailey

She watches Grey carefully. She's clearly dreading what's coming.

"Meredith…the Chief called me into his office a few days ago. He said you'd been to see him, asking about…about the process of transferring." Meredith looks slightly surprised; this wasn't what she was expecting. "I know…I know this whole situation is difficult for you, but…were you serious about transferring?"

Meredith's voice is quiet. "Actually, Dr. Bailey, I was going to talk to the Chief again today. To…to get the papers."

Bailey looks at her intently. She exhales slowly. "You're sure?"

Meredith's obviously extremely uncomfortable. "I…why? Do you think it's a mistake?"

Oh, God. This is a big question. Bailey wants to be straight with her, and she wants to give her something to think about.

"My first thought was no, you weren't. Maybe it's the best thing for you…to separate yourself from all this." No need to clarify what 'all this' is "But do you honestly believe it will help? Or will you get there and miss him more, be just as miserable, and not have your friends around to help."

Meredith's expression is pained, but she's clearly listening intently.

Bailey continues, "You're a great surgeon, Meredith. You would have a great future here, and obviously I don't want to see you go. But if you really believe that transferring will help you get past this whole thing, than you should."

Meredith is quiet for a moment, staring hard at the floor of the locker room. She still doesn't meet Bailey's eyes when she finally begins to speak. "I don't know if it will help. I don't know if anything will help, but.. I just know that its my best shot, and I know that staying here…" She chews on her lower lip unconsciously. "I can't be around them. Especially when they start to get better with each other. It's…it's bad enough seeing just him around here, but…to have to se them together? I can't do it. And I don't know if leaving will make it better, but it can't possibly get any worse. And I think it's my best shot."

Bailey nods. "And you've thought about this?"

"Yeah. A lot."

"Then it's your decision."

Meredith starts to stand up and leave, but remembers something. "Dr. Bailey…about this transfer…Derek can't know."

Bailey pauses, then nods. "Understandable."

Meredith

She goes to see Dr. Webber a few hours after her talk with Bailey and tells him she wants the transfer.

"And…where were you thinking about?"

She keeps her eyes on her hands through the entire talk. "Um, I was looking at going back to Boston. There's a really nice extended care facility just outside the city I could move my mother to." She hesitates. "The hospital….it's one of the foremost neurosurgery locations on the east coast."

"Neuro?"

Meredith nods. "Yes, sir."

"Is that…I mean…are you interested in specializing in neruo?"

Meredith shrugs uneasily. "Um, maybe. I haven't really…chosen. Just…for the future."

"Of course." His voice is heavy. "Meredith have you…have you given this serious consideration?"

"Yes, sir." She says feelingly. "I've gone over it so many times…"

"I don't want to see you go, Meredith. None of us do. Dr. Bailey. Dr. Shep-"

"About that. I don't want him to know."

Webber is quiet for so long after this statement that Meredith looks up at him. She can see he's uneasy about that.

"Please. He can't know anything about it. Please."

Dr. Webber nods reluctantly. "Derek won't know.

"And…and I want it as soon as possible."

He nods again. "Fill out the forms, get them back to me this afternoon…it should be taken care of in two or three weeks."

"Thanks."

She walks out of the office, clutching the papers in her hand, and she's glancing over the forms so intently that she collides with Alex as she turns the corner at the end of the hallway.

The papers slip from her hands and she gives a cry of surprise.

Alex grins at her. "Walk much, Mer?" He bends down for the forms. "I got it…"

She reaches out to snatch them back, but he's clearly caught a glance at the header on the papers. He stares at them, then at her, then back. "Application for transfer?" He stares at her questioningly. "These aren't yours, are they?"

She grabs them from him, not answering.

"Wait…you're…you're transferring? You're leaving?"

"Alex, look-"

"Because of Shepard?"

She exhales slowly. Secret's out. "Yeah, Alex. Because of Derek. And Addison. And Mark. But, yeah, mostly Derek."

Alex is staring at her in shock.

"Does Bailey know?"

"Yeah."

"Oh." He's quiet for a few moments, and Meredith starts to walk down the hall and he falls into step next to her. "Does Izzie?"

"No. Or Christina. Or George. I haven't told anyone yet."

"Oh." Another few minutes of silence. "When?"

"Couple weeks."

"Damn." They're outside the locker room and he turns to look at her. "I mean…it's for sure? You're, you're not just thinking about it."

"No, Alex, I…I decided for sure."

He looks away, then repeats, "Damn."

They step into the locker room and he lowers his voice to a whisper. "Are you gonna tell them?"

"Now that you know, I better."

"Hey." George, Izzie and Christina are already in the locker room.

"What do you two look so serious about?" This is typical of Izzie, picking up on the mood instantly.

"Meredith has news." Alex says bluntly, somewhat to Meredith's annoyance but at least saving her the trouble of an awkward opening.

Christina is chewing on a power bar. "What's up?"

Meredith closes her eyes momentarily. This will be the hardest part.

"Okay…um, in the past few months of working together, you guys…well you've been like my family, and I don't know how I'd could have gotten through all this crap lately without you…"

Izzie and George look concerned, but Christina says bluntly, "Meredith, you better have a point."

"I-I do…you've helped me a lot, all of you but…it's still really hard to be here, around Derek and lately I just feel like I'm not doing myself or any of you any good, and it's just getting harder so…" Her eyes are stinging with tears, so she closes her eyes and gets it out in a rush. "I talked to Dr. Bailey and the Chief and I'm…I'm applying for a transfer.

"What!" This comes from Izzie and George.

"No!"

"Meredith, you can't-"

"I'm sorry, and I didn't like making that decision, but I just…I don't think I can make it here much longer. It's just too hard." She looks at them pleadingly. "I'm sorry."

Izzie stands and hugs Meredith, hard. "Are you sure?" She asks tearfully.

"No. But, I am sure that I can't take being around here."

"We'll miss you…" George's voice is quiet. He steps up and hugs her, too.

That's when she notices Christina hasn't said anything. She looks at her and sees her best friend has a disgusted look on her face.

"Christina, I-"

"So that's it?"

Meredith is quiet, not sure what Christina means. The others have stepped back slightly.

"That's what you do? You're just…running away?"

"Yeah, I guess I am."

"And you're okay with that?" Christina's voice is rising in anger.

"No, I'm not okay with it! But I don't know what else to do. I can't stay here-"

"Yeah, not if you're weak."

"Well, then, I'm weak." Meredith's fighting tears now. "I don't like it, but let's face it, when has there been anything showing that I can be strong when it comes to Derek? But I've really tried. But it's been hell. And I can't do it anymore, Christina. It's killing me."

"So what are you telling me this?"

"I just want you to understand!"

"Well, I don't." Meredith's almost crying, and Izzie is trying to give Christina looks to stop her, but she ignores them. "I don't understand how you're going to give up, run away, leave everything just because of some guy!"

"It's not just some guy."

"Yeah, whatever. You want to run from your problems, fine. Good luck with that." She stands, slams her lockers and stomps out of the room

PLEASE REVIEW THIS CHAPTER BEFORE PROCEEDING TO THE NEXT ONE! I ALSO APOLOGIZE FOR BEING OBSESSIVE ABOUT THAT REQUEST!