Okay, so here's the next chapter. Hope you reviewed the last one before reading this one. If not, go back and do it. Just kidding. But, seriously, I'd prefer you to, for the reasons I said before.

Also, I am not dealing much with the Mark/Addison thing because this isn't their story, it's Derek and Meredith's. Anyway. Review this chapter…I want reviews for both, cuz that'll be a nice incentive for me to post the next chapter, which I do have already done. But like I said, I'm at the beach and I don't know if I'll be able to get back over to the wireless area of this campground before I get back. I'm definitely going to try, and I probably will, but just in case, I'll definitely post again on Saturday, when we get home. But like I said, I'll try to get over to the area within a couple days. At any rate, the updates will come fast after this week, because I'm almost done with the story.

PLEASE REVIEW THIS CHAPTER AND THE LAST ONE!

Derek

He stays in the elevator even though the floor Meredith got off on is the one the patient he intended to see is on.

He goes to the very top and then back down again, unable to move. Finally, he walks out on the ground floor and robotically leaves the hospital. He doesn't even look to see if Addison and Mark are still there. He doesn't care.

He goes back to the trailer, one coherent thought making it's way into his brain.

I practically called her a whore.

He had, right? That was the interpretation anyone would get from that, right?

He feels stupid.

Addison calls a couple times. He doesn't answer the phone. Let her think he's pissed at her for talking to Mark. He's dimly aware that she'll probably be angry at him, for his reaction.

He doesn't care.

Addison

She's suturing Mark's cheek in a private examination room rather than in the pit. She could see the look in his eyes that he'd been tempted to do it himself, but both of them wanted to time to talk.

He begins speaking after awhile. "You see Addison? He's still in love with her."

"Hmmm?"

"Derek. He still loves her. He's not even trying to hide it, not even in front of you. Can you really pretend you don't see that?"

She's silent. To be honest, she was deeply troubled by Derek's reaction. No point in telling Mark that. Or telling Mark that Derek had very recently openly admitted that he was in love with Meredith.

"I'm finished here." He turns his face toward her and she lowers her voice. "You should get out of here, Mark."

"So, what? That's it? I came here to get an explanation from you, and hopefully bring you back-"

"I'm not coming back, Mark. And my explanation is…I was tired of it. The affairs. The guilt. I needed to give my marriage a chance."

"Your marriage is dead, Addie." He informs her bluntly. "Why are you pretending not to notice?"

She looks away. "You should really go."

Meredith

She gets home from the hospital that night with Izzie and George and Derek's waiting on her porch. Both of them mumble something at him then hurry inside.

She attempts to push past him into the house, pretending as though he's not even there. But of course he doesn't allow it, laying his hand on hers when she touches the knob. She jerks back, and he uses the opportunity to position himself between her and the door.

"Dr. Shepard, please go away." She doesn't know why she does that. Dr. Shepard. As if that somehow makes everything more formal, as if it shadows the tension there. It doesn't sound normal. It sounds as if she's trying too hard.

"You don't have to call me-"

"Whatever. Leave."

"I wanted to say I'm sorry." He gets this out in a rush, as though he's concerned about being interrupted.

She looks at him.

"I shouldn't have…I mean, you're right. I'm in no place to judge you. IT's just….I was jealous. I mean, damn it, Meredith, it's going to be hard enough for me to see you with any guy…but Mark!"

"I didn't know it was him, Derek." She says softly, even though a part of her is scolding herself for feeling the need to explain.

"I know. It's just…the kind of guy he is. I wouldn't have thought you'd be taken in."

"Taken in! We were drunk, Derek, and I was just looking for an escape. I didn't care what the hell kind of guy he was. So shut up about it."

Derek just stands watching her for awhile, and she can tell he's struggling with himself over something. Finally he sighs and speaks slowly, "I know you're right. And I know it's not my place to say anything about it…but…I just can't look at you without thinking…" He trails off.

Meredith looks away from him, her voice tight. "Then don't look at me at all. You shouldn't be. Just…forget about me."

He puts his finger under her chin and lifts her face to look at him. "Yeah, right. Impossible."

She steps back. "You don't have a choice." She grabs the doorknob and this tie he doesn't object.

XXXXXXXXX

For the next two days at work, Meredith is looking forward to some days at the hospital without having to avoid Derek, but he comes in anyway, despite the fact that he can't operate.

She feels his glances in the halls, and there's a mixture of longing, guilt, and (sometimes the most prominent) disappointment or judgment. She knows what's on his mind, and every time he looks at her she feels like she's suffocating. She can't do this forever. She makes a decision…she'll talk to the Chief again. And this time she won't just ask questions.

Two days after Derek showed up for her porch, Bailey's giving out assignments in the locker room. Meredith hasn't been to Joe's since she met Mark. She'll be going back soon, she knows, but for now she's been settling for the tequila in the fridge. She doesn't want to attempt to talk to another guy yet. There's no telling who he'll end up being.

"Karev, you're with Dr. Burke, Stevens with Montgomery-Shepard…um, okay, O'Malley you're in the pit and Yang you're with Shepard. Grey…" She glances at Meredith. "Stay here. We need to talk."

Everyone in the room shoots Meredith looks. Meredith nods.

As the others file out to their assignments, Meredith mentally prepares herself for what's coming. Probably the talking to about the whole hand thing. Or the whole 'personal life getting in the way' speech.

Bailey

She watches Grey carefully. She's clearly dreading what's coming.

"Meredith…the Chief called me into his office a few days ago. He said you'd been to see him, asking about…about the process of transferring." Meredith looks slightly surprised; this wasn't what she was expecting. "I know…I know this whole situation is difficult for you, but…were you serious about transferring?"

Meredith's voice is quiet. "Actually, Dr. Bailey, I was going to talk to the Chief again today. To…to get the papers."

Bailey looks at her intently. She exhales slowly. "You're sure?"

Meredith's obviously extremely uncomfortable. "I…why? Do you think it's a mistake?"

Oh, God. This is a big question. Bailey wants to be straight with her, and she wants to give her something to think about.

"My first thought was no, you weren't. Maybe it's the best thing for you…to separate yourself from all this." No need to clarify what 'all this' is "But do you honestly believe it will help? Or will you get there and miss him more, be just as miserable, and not have your friends around to help."

Meredith's expression is pained, but she's clearly listening intently.

Bailey continues, "You're a great surgeon, Meredith. You would have a great future here, and obviously I don't want to see you go. But if you really believe that transferring will help you get past this whole thing, than you should."

Meredith is quiet for a moment, staring hard at the floor of the locker room. She still doesn't meet Bailey's eyes when she finally begins to speak. "I don't know if it will help. I don't know if anything will help, but.. I just know that its my best shot, and I know that staying here…" She chews on her lower lip unconsciously. "I can't be around them. Especially when they start to get better with each other. It's…it's bad enough seeing just him around here, but…to have to se them together? I can't do it. And I don't know if leaving will make it better, but it can't possibly get any worse. And I think it's my best shot."

Bailey nods. "And you've thought about this?"

"Yeah. A lot."

"Then it's your decision."

Meredith starts to stand up and leave, but remembers something. "Dr. Bailey…about this transfer…Derek can't know."

Bailey pauses, then nods. "Understandable."

Meredith

She goes to see Dr. Webber a few hours after her talk with Bailey and tells him she wants the transfer.

"And…where were you thinking about?"

She keeps her eyes on her hands through the entire talk. "Um, I was looking at going back to Boston. There's a really nice extended care facility just outside the city I could move my mother to." She hesitates. "The hospital….it's one of the foremost neurosurgery locations on the east coast."

"Neuro?"

Meredith nods. "Yes, sir."

"Is that…I mean…are you interested in specializing in neruo?"

Meredith shrugs uneasily. "Um, maybe. I haven't really…chosen. Just…for the future."

"Of course." His voice is heavy. "Meredith have you…have you given this serious consideration?"

"Yes, sir." She says feelingly. "I've gone over it so many times…"

"I don't want to see you go, Meredith. None of us do. Dr. Bailey. Dr. Shep-"

"About that. I don't want him to know."

Webber is quiet for so long after this statement that Meredith looks up at him. She can see he's uneasy about that.

"Please. He can't know anything about it. Please."

Dr. Webber nods reluctantly. "Derek won't know.

"And…and I want it as soon as possible."

He nods again. "Fill out the forms, get them back to me this afternoon…it should be taken care of in two or three weeks."

"Thanks."

She walks out of the office, clutching the papers in her hand, and she's glancing over the forms so intently that she collides with Alex as she turns the corner at the end of the hallway.

The papers slip from her hands and she gives a cry of surprise.

Alex grins at her. "Walk much, Mer?" He bends down for the forms. "I got it…"

She reaches out to snatch them back, but he's clearly caught a glance at the header on the papers. He stares at them, then at her, then back. "Application for transfer?" He stares at her questioningly. "These aren't yours, are they?"

She grabs them from him, not answering.

"Wait…you're…you're transferring? You're leaving?"

"Alex, look-"

"Because of Shepard?"

She exhales slowly. Secret's out. "Yeah, Alex. Because of Derek. And Addison. And Mark. But, yeah, mostly Derek."

Alex is staring at her in shock.

"Does Bailey know?"

"Yeah."

"Oh." He's quiet for a few moments, and Meredith starts to walk down the hall and he falls into step next to her. "Does Izzie?"

"No. Or Christina. Or George. I haven't told anyone yet."

"Oh." Another few minutes of silence. "When?"

"Couple weeks."

"Damn." They're outside the locker room and he turns to look at her. "I mean…it's for sure? You're, you're not just thinking about it."

"No, Alex, I…I decided for sure."

He looks away, then repeats, "Damn."

They step into the locker room and he lowers his voice to a whisper. "Are you gonna tell them?"

"Now that you know, I better."

"Hey." George, Izzie and Christina are already in the locker room.

"What do you two look so serious about?" This is typical of Izzie, picking up on the mood instantly.

"Meredith has news." Alex says bluntly, somewhat to Meredith's annoyance but at least saving her the trouble of an awkward opening.

Christina is chewing on a power bar. "What's up?"

Meredith closes her eyes momentarily. This will be the hardest part.

"Okay…um, in the past few months of working together, you guys…well you've been like my family, and I don't know how I'd could have gotten through all this crap lately without you…"

Izzie and George look concerned, but Christina says bluntly, "Meredith, you better have a point."

"I-I do…you've helped me a lot, all of you but…it's still really hard to be here, around Derek and lately I just feel like I'm not doing myself or any of you any good, and it's just getting harder so…" Her eyes are stinging with tears, so she closes her eyes and gets it out in a rush. "I talked to Dr. Bailey and the Chief and I'm…I'm applying for a transfer.

"What!" This comes from Izzie and George.

"No!"

"Meredith, you can't-"

"I'm sorry, and I didn't like making that decision, but I just…I don't think I can make it here much longer. It's just too hard." She looks at them pleadingly. "I'm sorry."

Izzie stands and hugs Meredith, hard. "Are you sure?" She asks tearfully.

"No. But, I am sure that I can't take being around here."

"We'll miss you…" George's voice is quiet. He steps up and hugs her, too.

That's when she notices Christina hasn't said anything. She looks at her and sees her best friend has a disgusted look on her face.

"Christina, I-"

"So that's it?"

Meredith is quiet, not sure what Christina means. The others have stepped back slightly.

"That's what you do? You're just…running away?"

"Yeah, I guess I am."

"And you're okay with that?" Christina's voice is rising in anger.

"No, I'm not okay with it! But I don't know what else to do. I can't stay here-"

"Yeah, not if you're weak."

"Well, then, I'm weak." Meredith's fighting tears now. "I don't like it, but let's face it, when has there been anything showing that I can be strong when it comes to Derek? But I've really tried. But it's been hell. And I can't do it anymore, Christina. It's killing me."

"So what are you telling me this?"

"I just want you to understand!"

"Well, I don't." Meredith's almost crying, and Izzie is trying to give Christina looks to stop her, but she ignores them. "I don't understand how you're going to give up, run away, leave everything just because of some guy!"

"It's not just some guy."

"Yeah, whatever. You want to run from your problems, fine. Good luck with that." She stands, slams her lockers and stomps out of the room

Derek

"Trying" with Addison is no better than he'd thought it would be.

After the Mark incident, she'd come home hoping to talk about it, but he hadn't been able to make himself care what Mark was doing there that had to do with Addison. Not after finding out about him and Meredith. And Addison had no choice but to forgive Derek's anger over Mark's interaction with Meredith, because he wasn't going to apologize, explain, or discuss it. She'd yelled for awhile, but he was past caring.

He knew Mark had tried calling Addison about a hundred times for the first few days after he showed up, and he knew Addison had ignored the calls until he'd finally given up.

He knew this because Addison had told him. Several times. She apparently felt she deserved some kind of credit for this.

Derek knew he was giving as solid of an effort as he could. But it was difficult to pretend to be happy with Addison when he felt trapped. The marriage was suffocating, and it was claustrophobic, and he wanted out.

They'd tried to fall back in their old patterns, doing normal couple's things like going out to dinner. Simple things that to anyone else looked perfectly normal, but to Derek and Addison it was a big step; sitting together, only the two of them, at a table for two hours.

However, more often than not, it would be Addison making all the effort, doing all the talking, and Derek would find himself zoning out on her, thinking of Meredith.

They'd returned to marriage counseling. Derek answered questions when asked, but had little to contribute to the discussion. He hated the counselor…a really pretentious guy who was clearly priding himself of trying to get to the 'root' issues…trying to get Derek to talk about his feelings about the adultery and his feelings about Meredith.

Addison really threw herself into it, giving what she was clearly hoping were provoking responses to the reasons behind the adultery and her fears about Meredith. Derek would be flippant, short, and sarcastic, and they invariably drove home in sullen silence, which, at home in the trailer, would turn to fights where Addison yelled and Derek kept his voice detached and bored, the result usually being Addison fighting tears and accusing him of being purposefully difficult.

The truth is, Derek is changing in front of Addison, and he feels like the real 'him' is lost somewhere, and hasn't really been around since he chose Addison, back when he was happy.

He's become sullen, depressive, sulky. He doesn't like himself this way. The one thing he still has of himself, the desire to operate, the passion for his patient's…that's put on hold while he 'recovers'.

Well, it's not the 'only' thing he still has. The way he feels about Meredith…that hasn't changed. But that's trapped, too.

The hospital thing…that's another problem with Addison. He'd only been stuck at home for half a day when he'd grown sick of it. Sitting around with his new, unappealing self and thinking constantly about everything he's fucked up in his life…and she wonders why this isn't relaxing.

The point is, it shouldn't take much to figure out why he keeps showing up at the hospital, checking patients, catching up on paper work. He'll be able to work again in another week, anyway, but having nothing to do…it's driving him crazy.

Addison doesn't see it that way, "You're not fooling anyone, Derek, I never once heard you complaining about boredom or restlessness when you were in the hospital room! You just want to hang around here so you can see her."

She's not entirely wrong, but he denies it. Meredith isn't the only reason he keeps going to the hospital, but he'd be lying if he said it wasn't an incentive…though he did lie of course, even to himself, yet find his eyes darting around the hallways hoping to catch a glimpse of her.

He doesn't even know if Addison really believes her accusations, though, any of them. Lately she seems to want to provoke him, desperately hoping to draw him out of his indifferent, 'who cares' attitude.

Meredith

The transfer forms are turned in, and it's been approved. She's leaving in two weeks.

And suddenly everything is happening too fast.

She takes care of the details without the reality hitting. New apartment. Making arrangements for her mother.

The night after she told everyone, she sits with George and Izzie in the living room. Christina hadn't spoken to her all day at work, and the mood was considerably dismal with all of them.

George seems to speak hesitantly. "Meredith we were just wondering…the house…"

She looks at them apologetically. "I'll put it on the market eventually, but I'm not in any hurry. It'll take awhile to sell anyway so just…take all the time you need here."

They nod.

Meredith no longer goes to such an effort to avoid Derek in the hallway. Sure, the entire point of her leaving is so she doesn't have to see him…still, the thought of it actually happening is terrifying.

The next few weeks pass too quickly. She packs, forcing herself to go through her mothers boxes after all that time of avoiding them.

A couple of days before she leaves, Derek comes back to work for real, cleared for surgery and everything.

She goes to Joe's a few times, but doesn't take home any guys.

The days pass. Christina hasn't said a word to her since she found out.

Bailey isn't assigning her to Derek, either.

Alex, Izzie, and George are especially nice to her. So is Dr. Bailey. So is the Chief. So is Dr. Burke, when she works with him. It seems everyone knows.

Except for Derek.

Christina

Three days before Meredith moves. Christina's been ignoring her.

The night Meredith told them, after she'd stomped out of the locker room, she slammed into the apartment in a fury and given Burke the entire story, including the reasons why she thought Meredith was being weak and a coward and basically making a stupid decision.

Then Burke had looked at her with his annoyingly understanding look. "You just don't want her to leave. And you don't want to act like you might, God forbid, miss your best friend when she moves, so you pretend to be mad at her."

Christina had glared at him. "What the hell are you, my therapist? Do me a favor and stop analyzing everything I do. I'm not that complicated of a person. And I'm not pretending."

Three days before Meredith leaves, Bailey assigns them to work together and it seems as if the entire world is conspiring for some movie moment break down. Christina can see it in her head: the apologizing, crying, hugging. None of these things that Christina wants to do, but what everyone is expecting.

They're going to be disappointed.

Christina still doesn't speak to her.

At lunch, Meredith is close behind her when they join the others at the table. The mood at the table is low; it's been like that for the past week, since the reality of Meredith's imminent departure had hit.

Izzie and George are talking for a bit about a patient that have, but no one else adds anything to the conversation. When the table falls completely silent, Meredith tries to get the conversation going by talking about their patient.

"We've got a guy with a brain tumor, and we can get most of it out, and we have about a good chance of getting the rest of it out with radiation after. He could walk away free….but he doesn't know if he wants to treatment." She shakes her head in disbelief. "It's crazy…we tried to convince him, but…I don't know. What do you think he'll end up doing?" She looking at Christina, and it's a vain and desperate attempt to pretend that things are normal.

For a moment, Christina just stares straight ahead, chewing. Then, without looking at Meredith she says, "Well, I think he'll run. I think he's too much of a damn coward to stay and fight and deal with a little bit of pain, and even though it will hurt him a lot more in the long run, he's going to run because it seems easier now. Sound familiar?"

She knows without looking that Meredith's doing the hurtful look thing, but she won't look at it. Izzie gives her an appalled look. "Christina, will you just-"

"No, I won't."

She spends a second looking at the others (not Meredith). Izzie, George and even Alex are looking at her angrily.

Sick of this, sick of their looks, and even sick of the look she knows Meredith is giving her from the seat next to her, she pushes her chair back and stands up, stomping off, not even bothering to throw away her food.

Not until she gets inside the hospital does she hear the footsteps behind her, turns around and sees Alex standing behind her.

"What do you want?"

He steps closer to her, so he's right up in her face. "What the hell is your problem?"

"I don't have a problem. I-"

"You do have a problem? What the hell are you doing to her! She's your best friend, she's moving in three days and you won't even talk to her. You're being a bitch-"

"Shut up, Evil Spawn. It's none of your business. Since when do you care about Meredith anyway?"

"Since when do you not?" He shoots back.

"I care enough to be pissed off at what she's doing. She's running-"

"It's her fucking decision, Yang. If you don't like it, fine, that's up to you, but it's none of your business what she decides or what she thinks. And why don't you be honest for a change, and admit that the reason you're pissed is not because she's doing something weak or cowardly. It's because you don't want her to leave, you might actually miss her, and you don't want to admit that, so you're making it easier by acting mad."

This all sounds very familiar. Another want to be shrink, clearly. He and Burke should get together and talk about her secret motivations for everything she does.

"Shut up, Karev. This…." She trails off, because for once in her life she can't think of a smartass comeback, anything to say to his little speech there. "Just shut up."

"Fine. Stop treating her like crap. She's having a hard time."

"Why do you care?"

"Because she's my friend."

"News to me."

He gives her a disgusted look. "Grow up, Christina." He turns and walks back outside.

Bailey

It's Grey's last day at work and Bailey knows everyone's going to be distracted.

When she's in the locker room, the atmosphere is depressed. Meredith looks at her when she enters and Bailey can't help but feel sad for the girl. Her eyes are red rimmed, and she looks upset. Her voice is quiet and hesitant when she asks, "Dr. Bailey, I know…I know we're not supposed to do this, but…could I maybe work with Dr. Shepard today…you know, if he needs an intern?"

For a moment, Bailey is confused. All of this, the transfer and the moving, have been about getting away from Derek. Ever since he came back to work Bailey's been giving her someone else and she was sure that Meredith appreciated it.

Then she realizes it; Shepard's still in the dark about this transfer, so this is probably the last time Meredith will see him, maybe ever, at least for awhile.

With a slight pang of sadness, Bailey nods. "Yeah, of course."

Derek

"Dr. Shepard, Dr. Bailey sent me."

He turns, surprised. Meredith. True to the spirit of his arrangement with Addison, he hasn't requested her since he came back to work, and Bailey hasn't sent her.

He's glad to see her. He smiles.

They start working on their case, and it doesn't take him long to figure out something's wrong, and she's upset about something.

He wants to ask her if she's okay, but isn't sure if he should try to overstep the boundary of their work-only relationship…she'd made it clear the last time they'd talked, when he'd been leaving the hospital, that that was all they were allowed to be now.

Still, he watches her throughout the day. She's great with the patient; only Derek would be able to pick up on the difference in her demeanor. He notices her looking at him a few times, with an unreadable expression: sort of wistful, desperate, and definitely sad.

Finally, when they're alone, looking over some results from a CT scan, he asks gently, "Meredith, is everything okay?"

She glances at him. "Yeah, fine." The tone of her voice suggests the opposite.

He smiles slightly. "Liar."

She meets his eyes, and she's not smiling. "I'm really fine."

His smile drops. He wants to tell her that he knows her well enough to know she's lying, and he wants to hug her and tell that whatever's bothering her will be okay, but he doesn't. He just nods and turns back to his work.

Their patient needs surgery, and they schedule it for late in the evening. Everything goes smoothly, and they're done by about eight thirty. Afterwards, they're in the scrub room and Derek lingers slightly until he and Meredith are the only two remaining.

He doesn't know if it's his imagination, or wishful thinking, or whatever, but he has a feeling she was doing the same.

"You did good today." He tells her finally, hoping to break the silence.

"Thanks." Her voice is barely audible, and she's not looking at him. "How are things going with Addison?"

The question surprises him, and he runs his fingers through his hair absently. "Um…they're going alright. I mean…yeah, I guess okay."

She looks up at him. "Good."

"Yeah." He pauses, then says hesitantly, "But…God, I miss you."

He sees her eyes are glistening with tears. He steps closer. "Meredith, what is it?"

She doesn't back up. "I'm really fine…" She wipes her face where a tear slid out.

"You're not, Mer, something's wrong…please, talk to me…"

"It's nothing…I have to go." She doesn't move, however, instead staring at him intently, looking like she's about to lose it.

His fear increases. "Mer, please…"

"I have to go." She's barely whispering.

Meredith

He's looking at her in that sad, worried way that's breaking her heart. She knows she needs to move, get out, but she can't make herself pull her eyes from his.

Then, because it no longer matters, she steps closer and puts her arms around him.

Bewildered, he hugs her back, holding her tightly. "Meredith, what the…What is it, you can tell me?"

"Nothing." Her voice breaks, and she closes her eyes behind his back, reaching her hand up to wipe the tears that she can't stop from falling. She lets him go, reluctantly and looks at him again. "Bye, Derek."

She turns and walks out of the scrub room, barely stopping the sobs. She hears him calling after her.

She keeps going, resisting the urge to look back.