Chapter Twelve

Sorry I haven't updated in awhile guys, but I haven't had a lot of computer time. This a pretty long chapter, I think, so hopefully you'll be satisfied. I like it.

Meredith

His arms are wrapped around, and they're laying across the backseat. He leans close to her ear and whispers, "See? I told you. Simple."

She smiles slightly. Everything else feels so far away right now.

She turns toward him and kisses him softly.

"Glad you missed your flight." He grins, nuzzling her neck. "Had to have a slight layover…"

She laughs softly.

Stroking her hair gently, just the way he used to, he says, "I could stay like this forever."

She slips her hand into his and stops, staring at his hand. Specifically, his finger. More specifically, his wedding ring.

He follows her eyes and pulls his hand away from hers and slips the ring off, putting it in the cup holder.

Something about the gesture makes the reality hit her. "Oh, God."

She sits up. "This was so wrong…"

"Well, I guess we could have moved the car out of the airport parking garage first…" He tries to smile but it's clouded.

"This isn't funny. I'm a dirty mistress. Again. And this time I knew you were married! Oh, God-"

"Meredith it's not-"

"Derek, it's wrong."

He groans slightly. "So much for simple."

She meets his eyes sadly. "Since when is it ever simple for us?"

He sighs. "Yeah, I guess."

"You have a wife."

"I do." He pauses. "But hear me out. You…you could get on that plane, and you could go to Boston and both of us can be miserable. I can stay in a dead marriage, always blaming my wife for not being you. Or…or you can cancel your new apartment. You can have your stuff shipped back. I can sign divorce papers. And instead of you starting over in Boston…we could start over. Here. Together." He watches her anxiously.

She looks at him through tear-filled eyes. "You make it seem so-"

"Simple?" He half-smiles.

She nods, her lips pressed together. "It's not." She whispers.

"No." He agrees. "But that doesn't mean it can't work."

She's silent for awhile, watching the rain flow down the windows of the car.

Derek's cell phone rings, breaking the silent. He reaches forward in the front seat to grab it.

"Addison" flashes on the screen.

He meets Meredith's eyes. They look at each other until the ringing stops.

Meredith shakes her head slightly. "We can't stay here all night. She'll wonder."

"Christina said you can stay at her and Burke's place." He tells her lamely.

Derek begins pulling on his shirt.

They get dressed awkwardly and slide back into their seats.

They're quiet on the drive to Burke and Christina's apartment, but when they pull up, Meredith doesn't move.

"So…" Derek begins carefully. "What are you going to do?"

She avoids his eyes. "I have a ticket for a flight at noon tomorrow."

"And are you going?"

"I…I don't know. Yet."

He clenches his fists on the steering wheel, obviously frustrated. "I don't get it, Meredith! Why! It can't be about wanting me to try at my marriage, because I've tried, and if you leave it'll just get worse."

"What if I leave? Would you still divorce her?"

"I don't know, I-"

"See, right there? I don't want you to give up on your marriage just for me. I don't want the decision to be if I stay, you get a divorce. I don't want that hanging over me."

"But, Meredith, it is you. It's because I'm in love with you that my marriage won't work. Like I said, I'd go through my whole life blaming Addison for something she can't help: not being you! And, yeah, she may think that I owe it to her to try a little more or a little longer, but I think we owe it to ourselves, all three of us, to try to be happy! Because you're not happy, Addison's not happy, and I'm sure as hell not happy without you."

She looks at him. "That's not the main reason I'm not sure. Your marriage, I mean."

"Then what?"

She squeezes her eyes shut. "I don't want to get hurt again, Derek. Maybe that makes me a coward, or weak, or whatever…but I can't help it. I'm scared as hell."

"Hey." He says softly, touching his fingers to her cheek. "I don't want to hurt you ever again."

She doesn't answer.

"Listen, I…I want to tell you something. My accident, the car wreck…I did it on purpose."

She stares at him, confused. "What? What are you-"

"I mean, I was drunk, obviously. I wouldn't have done something so…" He laughs softly. "Melodramatic, I guess, if I was sober. But I let go of the steering wheel." She stares at him, the color slowly leaving her face. "You know we'd had that fight earlier-"

"Great." Her voice breaks slightly. "So you're telling me you almost died because of me-"

"No, God no, Meredith." He takes her hand. "Because of me. I wasn't thinking rationally at all, but…I was so pissed at myself for hurting you. The look on your face when you left the elevator…that killed me. It made me hate myself more than I've ever hated anything, just for making you feel like that. My point is…I'll do anything if I never have to see you look at me like that again. So, no, I don't want to hurt you."

She doesn't know what to say.

Finally, she nods at the apartment building. "I should…go."

"So…that's it?"

"I have to think about it. Leaving or not."

He looks down. "So if you leave…this is the last time I'll see you? I don't want to end it here, there's…we had sex, Meredith! There's a conversation to have, and I want to know when you decide-"

"I think we've said what we need to say. I'll see you tomorrow okay? In the morning." He looks doubtful. "I promise. Before I do anything. I'll see you."

He nods. "I guess this time it's you making the decision, huh?"

She pauses. "I guess it is." She smiles slightly at him. "Good night, Derek."

"You, too. And listen…" He hesitates. "Don't go. Think about what I said, okay?"

"I will."

He grins slightly. "And not that this should influence you at all, but…" He puts his hand on her cheek and pulls her close, kissing her softly.

When she finally pulls away, her eyes are sad, not the reaction he was hoping for. "Night."

She gets out of the car and walks up the sidewalk into the apartment building.

Christina opens the door when she knocks, and Meredith sees that all the lights are on. "Where's Burke?" She asks shortly, stepping in.

"His patient needed emergency surgery."

Meredith nods, throwing her carry on bag onto the couch and sitting. Christina's watching her warily, her eyes giving away guilt.

Well, good. Meredith hopes she feels bad. The last few weeks have been bad enough without Christina treating her like dirt. Seriously, what kind of person did that to their supposed best friend right before she moved away?

Christina sits on the other end of the couch. "Hope you're not mad about me sending Shepard. I just thought maybe he'd want to go."

Meredith doesn't answer.

"So you guys were gone awhile. What happened?"

Meredith sighs. She desperately wants to talk to someone, ask advice about what to do, but Christina's not the one to talk to. For one thing, Meredith's mad at her, and for another, Christina's made it clear from the beginning that she won't even try to understand the reasons for leaving.

"We don't have to do this, okay?"

"Do what?"

"The talking. Confiding. Thanks for letting me stay here and all, but…" She shrugs.

Christina gets it. "Right." She starts into her bedroom, but pauses in the doorway. "So…are you still planning on leaving? Tomorrow?"

"I don't know yet."

"Oh." Her voice seems lighter. "So you're not for sure?"

"That's what 'I don't know' means."

"Oh. Okay." She turns.

Meredith groans. "Christina!"

She turns, startled. "What?"

"That's it? You're not going to try to apologize or something?" She knows how stupid this sounds.

Christina raises her eyebrows. "I said I was sorry on the phone."

"You think that's all it takes. Just 'I'm sorry I've been kind of a bitch'?"

"Okay, you want me to say it again? I'm sorry, okay? Whatever."

"Whatever?" Meredith shakes her head. "You know what, forget it." She stretches out on the couch.

"What do you want, Mer, me to have a freakin moment?" She sounds irritated.

"Just shut up."

"Fine."

Christina walks into her bedroom, leaving Meredith on the couch.

Well that hadn't gone so well.

Meredith closes her eyes. Guess she's on her own to make the decision.

Either way, there's terror. There's the terror of leaving everything she's gotten so used to, of starting over in Boston and, of course, trying to live without Derek.

But then there's the terror of taking the chance, of putting herself out there again. Trusting Derek.

Something he'd said from long ago floats back to her.

You just have to take the rest on faith.

Not very convincing, since it was about a week later that Addison showed up.

Derek

He drives around for awhile, after dropping Meredith off. He's going over everything he said to her in his mind, trying to think if there was something else he should have said.

He thinks he made a pretty convincing argument.

Addison calls again, and though he doesn't answer, he realizes he needs to get home.

He walks into the trailer and she's sitting at the little table, wearing her robe and drinking coffee, waiting. He throws his jacket on a chair and moves to the kitchen, pretending that there's nothing out of the ordinary going on.

Addison just waits.

He takes a beer out of the fridge.

"So are we gonna talk about this?" Her voice is low and hoarse.

"What?"

She waves her hand as if the issues are surrounding them. "Everything. You telling me to shut up, wanting to stop Meredith from leaving, being so upset about her being gone…or maybe we should start on where you've been for so long."

He shrugs. "I told you I needed time alone."

"Yeah, but I thought you meant at the hospital. But you haven't been there for hours. I called Webber to ask."

"Oh, so you're checking up on me?"

"I don't trust you." She says this is a sad voice, as though trying to communicate to him how disappointment this is to her.

He wants very much to snap back something about her being a fine one to talk about 'trust', but given the events in the airport parking lot he decides to refrain.

"Did you go to the airport?" The dread in her voice makes it sound as if she knows the answer.

He hesitates. "Yes."

"To try to stop her?" More dread, more hurt. She knows the answers to all these questions, but needs to hear Derek admit them. Technically, it had been to pick her up, but that had been in hope of stopping her.

He repeats himself. "Yes."

She nods, her lips pressed together tightly. After a moment, she says, even softer, "And did you?"

"She hasn't left yet. She's thinking about it."

Addison closes her eyes. Next question; Derek feels like he's being interrogated. "And if she stays?"

"Addie…" His voice is gentle. "I'm so sorry, but-"

"Don't."

"What?"

"I know what you're going to say, but I don't want to hear you say it."

Derek looks at her, surprised. He wasn't even sure about what he was going to say. "What-"

"You're giving up."

He looks away. "Wasn't going to say it quite like that…"

"Yeah, I bet you weren't." Addison's voice is angry, but when he glances at her there are tears on her cheeks. "You were probably going to say something about how it's for the best."

He sighs and sits in the chair across from her. "You disagree?" She leans her elbows on the table and presses her palms in her forehead. "Addie, I've tried-"

"Oh, you haven't tried! You said you'd try, but even then you had that resigned tone! You never wanted to try, and for the past few weeks you sit here, pouting and refusing to cooperate with couples therapy or even bother to pretend like you like me very much."

Derek shakes his head slightly. This is true, what she's saying, but he still feels like the idea behind it is wrong. "I know I haven't tried to best I can at our marriage. But that's what I can't help. I've been miserable lately, and I've tried not to be, I've tried to forget about her-"

"I never expected this." Addison's voice is flat. "You finding someone else."

"Why not?" Derek can't resist saying. "You did."

He regrets saying it instantly. Addison's eyes fill with hurt, and he knows that this isn't a good time to bring up stuff like that. Just say what needs to be said, stop reminding of past sins.

Addison speaks again, "True. But…when I first got here, and you were standing there with her…I wasn't threatened. I didn't think it mattered. I figured you had come up with someone the exact opposite of me, some young wide-eyed intern who worshipped you as some way to repair your ego or make you feel better."

He just looks at her. After a moment, just in case she's waiting for him to clarify, he says, "You thought it was revenge. Or on the rebound."

Addison nods. "Yeah."

He sighs again. "Well…I never expected to fall for someone else when I moved here. Took me completely by surprise, and it's not something I can help but…" He shrugs. Meredith had helped him discover an emotion, a passion he had never known before. With Addison, it had been falling in love slowly while dating, stemming from friendship.

With Meredith it had been about falling hard and fast when he least expected it, and feeling exactly right when he put his arms around her or kissed her lips…as if he had needed her his whole life without knowing it.

Like he had said to Meredith right after Addison showed up, it was like he was drowning and Meredith had saved him. Like a breath of fresh air.

This isn't the kind of thing he can explain to Addison though.

"I tried to forget her." He says to fill the silence, feeling as though he's repeating himself but needing to move the conversation along. "But…I can't. I need her, it's not something I can control. She's like my…" The word 'need' had clearly stung Addison. Her eyes are squeezed tightly shut, and Derek stops speaking before he says something else that will sting her even more.

What Derek had thought was a word he couldn't say in front of Addison. Soulmate. When the two of them were married, they had the somewhat cynical view on romance and love, preferring their mature views of love being about two people who were committed to each other and trusted each other and cared for each other, nothing about fate or destiny or whatever the hell it was.

Now, though…Derek isn't so sure about that "mature" view. He doesn't know if he believes it.

Silence hangs heavily on the two of them for awhile, and Derek finally decides to state his point out loud. "Addie, what I'm trying to say is that I can't do this anymore. And…I want a-"

"Divorce." She whispers. She looks at him, tearful. "I don't want to have to hear you say it.

He lays his hand on hers. "I'm sorry."

She lets his hand stay there for a moment then pulls back, pulling her sleeve across her eyes. "Yeah, well...we still have the papers somewhere." She stands. "I really thought you'd sign last time. All that Satan stuff.."

He nods. "I needed to know that I tried."

"Well, I guess now you have that satisfaction." She replies brusquely. "That you were the good guy, as always. That you took back the mean old adulteress, giving up the love of your life for awhile to do so, and tried to make it work. Always the good guy." She slaps the divorce papers down on the table, barely giving Derek time to feel slightly guilty about his recent parking lot sex, which didn't do much for the 'good guy' thing Addison was talking about.

"Why did you keep these?" He asks, indicating the divorce papers as he fumbles for a pen in his pocket.

"Because of the way you were acting." She says quietly. "I was afraid we might…that you not signing might be short lived." He feels her watching him as he signs his name. "Was probably just jinxing myself. Tempting fate." She gives a soft, bitter laugh.

Wordlessly, he hands her the pen and slides the papers across the table. She puts the pen on the line and hesitates, then looks up. "Tell me something. Tell me this isn't just something you're doing to convince her to stay."

He meets her eyes. "It's not. Even if she goes, I…I would be even more miserable than before, and you said yourself you don't like the way I've been lately. I've changed, Addie. This…this needs to happen."

She nods, then signs her name, her hand shaking visibly. When she's done she drops the pen and puts her hands over her face.

He swallows. "Addie."

"Don't! Just go ahead and go. I know you're dying to go tell her." She shakes her head. "I guess this is what I deserve. I've done every sneaky, underhanded thing I can think of to cut her out of the picture…telling her about marriage counseling conversations, keeping her out of your hospital room, lying to you about whether she saw you or not…" She smiles thinly at him. "I haven't been the greatest person either, lately."

"We both made mistakes."

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

They look at each other for a moment, but secretly Derek is having a hard time grasping the gravity of the moment; his mind is on Meredith. Addison was right: he was dying to go see her. He had worked out that promises weren't enough for her now, because she had good reason not to take him on anything he said.

When Addison had shown up he'd told her there was nothing to think about when he'd gotten the divorce papers.

So she probably didn't buy anything he said or promised.

This is action. He hadn't been lying to Addison when he said stopping her wasn't the reason for the divorce; it really did need to happen.

But still.

Addison is throwing things into a bag, her face turned away from Derek. "I'm going to a hotel, okay? We can take the papers to the lawyers tomorrow."

"Yeah." He murmurs distractedly.

Christina

She can't sleep.

She knows Meredith is still awake in the next room, sitting on the couch deep in thought, alone, most likely thinking about the choice to stay or leave.

Christina wants to go out there and come up with something better to say, an apology that means something. An apology that doesn't have the word 'whatever' following it.

She just doesn't know what to say.

She had told Burke that Meredith was coming to stay and he'd said, "You know why she called you, don't you?"

Christina had stared at him blankly. "Uh, because George and Izzie would be annoying about the whole thing?"

"No. Because she's giving you another chance to make things right. Don't blow it."

Burke is so annoying at times.

She sighs, then gets out of bed and walks into the living room. Meredith glances at her when she enters then looks away. Christina falls onto the couch next to her.

"I don't really want a chick flick moment here."

Great opener.

Meredith glances at her again, her eyes narrowed. She opens her mouth as if to reply, but closes it again. Christina doesn't blame her. There's not much to say back to something like that comment.

"So…I really am sorry. I didn't mean it. About you being a coward. I think I just…I didn't want to go through the whole sad goodbye thing, so I thought it'd be easier if I was mad at you. Or got you mad at me."

"Was it?"

"Huh?"

"Was it easier?"

Christina stares at her for a moment. "No. I actually felt guilty."

"Really?" Heavy sarcasm here, accompanied by Meredith rolling her eyes.

Christian makes a face. "Leave the sarcasm to me, Mer, I've told you it doesn't suit you."

A hint of a smile hits Meredith for a moment at the familiar sentiment.

"Anyway…" Christina grimaces slightly. "I guess I just didn't want you to leave, okay?"

Meredith is quiet for awhile. "Okay."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I should know by now you'll do anything to avoid a hug or a sappy moment."

Christina laughs. "True."

Meredith smiles at her.

"So are we okay?" Christian asks.

"We're okay."

"Do we have to hug now?"

"I wouldn't put you through that."

"Thanks."

Christina turns and faces her best friend, and notices Meredith's eyes are bright.

"You were right though. About the coward thing."

"I told you, Mer, I was just talking out of my ass-"

"But you were right. I was giving up, I couldn't fight through it anymore. I was scared, and I was running. But you know what sucks?"

"What?"

"When I got to the airport…I was too scared to get on the plane. I was even to scared to run away. How stupid is that?"

Christina watches her closely. "Not…it's not stupid. I get it." She waits, and when Meredith doesn't say anything, she asks excitedly, "So what happened with you and Shepard?"

Meredith

She sighs and tells Christina the whole story. The way she'd started crying as soon as he came up to her. The way Derek said it would be simple. Sex in the parking lot. The wedding ring. Him asking her to stay. The kiss.

"I don't know what to do." She finishes.

Christina is staring, slightly taken aback by the entire story. "You had sex with him, Mer. Doesn't that…doesn't that mean something? It sounds like he'll leave Addison."

"I don't want to get hurt again."

They talk for awhile, Christina staying purposely diplomatic and open to both choices and just letting Meredith talk through the realities of both, until Meredith finally says slowly, "I don't think I want to leave."

Christina suppresses a smile.

"Is that crazy? I mean…" She groans slightly. "I bought an apartment. I quit. I made all the arrangements. I said goodbye to people. They'll think I'm crazy if I just show up at work again tomorrow."

"Nah. They'll just be glad to see you. No one wanted you to leave Meredith."

She smiles, but it fades quickly. "But with Derek…this is just me being scared again, really…I don't know what to do about it. I don't want to get hurt again, and he obviously has the ability. Even if he divorces Addison, he's still got baggage there. The way she's acted…lying to him about me seeing him in the hospital and screaming at him about seeing me in front of everybody that night in the hospital…" She sighs. "I'm rambling a little."

"Yeah."

"Do you think we can really move on from all that damage, though? Everything that's happened?"

"Maybe not." Christina told her honestly. "So don't move on. Just start over. From the beginning, clean slate. There's no hurry…it's not like you have to jump right back into a relationship."

Derek

Somewhere, Derek was unknowingly thinking along the same lines.

She's not going to be able to trust me right off, he realizes. She's not going to want to jump back in too quickly. There's damage there, and it will be hard to heal.

He's driving to Christina and Burke's apartment. He knows Meredith had said she'd talk to him in the morning. He knows she'd said she needed time to think.

But he can't stand the thought of her sitting alone, maybe making the decision to leave. He wants her to know what had happened between him and Addison. Show her it isn't just words and empty promises.

He gets out of his car and walks to the front of the apartment building. The steady rain from earlier has faded to slight drizzle, and the scent of rain is prominent.

He exhales slowly, suddenly scared out of his mind. The sad look on her face after he'd kissed her flashes through his mind. He'd done that to make her smile. Not that this should influence you in any way.. Clever and cute, the line was supposed to be. But it had made her sad.

His throat closes tightly and his fists clench at his side. Leaning against the wall of the apartment building, he was suddenly too afraid to go inside. Afraid of the decision Meredith was going to tell her about. And if she did, what could he do about it? He'd done everything he could think of to make a convincing argument for the 'stay in Seattle with me' option.

But she'd looked sad.

He stays there, in the dark, for a long time. He recalls the night he'd blown up at Addison about the ferryboat comments…just a day or two before the car accident. He remembers creeping out of bed to sit in the dark, remembers the way he'd appreciated the sense of being hidden.

A lot has happened since then.

Yet he still appreciates the hiding. He still needs to feel hidden.

He stands there for awhile, staring into the darkness above him when a surprised voice startles him, "Shep?"

Meredith

She and Christina are stretched on the couch when they hear the door open. Burke's voice fill the house. "Everybody decent?"

Christina grins. "Course not. We're having a pillow fight in our underwear. What else?"

"Excellent, I'll join you. I guess that means you made up, then."

They laugh.

Burke steps into the living room. "Look who I found hanging around outside the building."

Derek steps sheepishly into view.

"Nice." Christian comments. "McStalker."

He eyes Meredith, searching her face as though looking for some kind of clue.

"Derek, what are you doing here? I told you I needed to time to…" She glances at Christina and Burke. "Think."

"Yeah, I couldn't sleep." He says quickly. "So I went for a drive and ended up…plus I was hoping we could talk." He smiles nervously. "Again."

She hesitates slightly, fighting the instinct to tell him they've already talked. She's so used to trying to fight Derek lately, trying to get away before he says something wonderfully romantic and perfect, that it's hard to fight it now.

Meeting Christina's eyes briefly, she nods at Derek. "Hall." Then, addressing Christina, she murmurs, "We'll just be a minute."

"Take your time."

In the hallway, Meredith leans awkwardly against the wall next to the door, watching him. Waiting for him to talk.

He seems to be thinking, searching for his opener. Finally, he blurts out, "Have you decided?"

She starts to lie, say she's still thinking about him, but the look in his eyes, the desperation and the strange combination of dread and forbidden hope, makes her not. "Yeah, I…I'm not leaving." She said out loud. No 'I think'. She made it real. "I'm staying here." She's surprised how good it feels to be able to say that.

Derek closes his eyes for a moment, then opens them, and they're shining with either happiness or tears. He just looks at her, nodding dumbly, speechless. He swallows a couple of times.

After a moment, he clears his throat. "That's…that's good, Mer. That's really…that's good." He's smiling.

She almost smiles herself.

They stay like that for awhile, Meredith leaning against the wall, Derek smiling slightly at her, unconsciously fingering the fabric at the end of his jacket nervously.

He breaks the silence. "We signed."

Derek

Isn't he the brilliant conversationalist all of a sudden?

He can barely think. She's staying. He didn't even have to tell her about the papers first. She's staying.

When she said that, he felt the first glimmers of hope for them.

She's staring at him confusedly. "Sorry, what?"

"We signed, Addison and me. The divorce papers. Um, it's…it's over, Mer."

He can see her processing this information, but he can't read her face.

She bites her lip, and her voice is soft. "Really?"

"Really."

They look at each other for so long that he feels the need to break the silence. What he really wants to say is So where does that leave us? Or Will you give me another chance?

But he needs more tact than that.

Out of nowhere, he hears himself say, "Meredith, do you want to go out to dinner? With me. Like, on a date."

Perfect. Now he's a gawky sophomore in high school, asking a girl out for the first time in a 'real' dating relationship.

From the way she's staring at him, she must think he's crazy.

"Date?" There's a hint of amusement in her voice, and more than a hint of incredulousness.

"I mean, we never really dated." He rushes on. "I mean, we met for lunch between surgeries a couple times but…we never really did it right. I mean, we started to but…" He trails off at the way her expression darkens slightly. They had been about to do it 'right' when Addison showed up. Talk about 'rules' and go on a 'real' date.

"And now…now you want to do it right? Just like that?"

Reddening slightly, he nods. "Well, you're staying. And I'm getting a divorce. And I know we aren't going to be able to just jump right back in. So…we can start at the beginning. Do it right this time. No lies or secrets." Seeing her hesitation, he adds, "Look, it would just be like…a first date. No obligation to call the next day." He smiles slightly. "It can give us a chance to talk. Do something normal together without feeling like it's wrong. Please."

Meredith nods slightly. "It doesn't mean…I'm not promising anything. More than the date."

Derek relaxes. "Okay. I mean, I know. Good." He runs his fingers through his hair absently. "How about tomorrow night? After our shift? I mean, if you're working."

She smiles slightly. "I think I am. I mean, I hope they'll let me."

'They will." He pauses. "So tomorrow?"

"Sounds good, Derek." Her smile is slow, and hesitant, but at least it's there. And it's genuine.

"Good." He repeats, returning her smile. He looks at the door to Christina and Burke's apartment. "I should let you get back in there, you're probably tired. I…I'm glad you're staying, Mer."

"Me, too." She whispers. Pausing slightly, she leans forward, rests her hand lightly on his chests, and kisses him, quickly but soft. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight." He watches her go, smiling, and turns, feeling a million times lighter than when he'd followed Burke up to the apartment. He's already planning that date.

Okay, so I hope you guys like the chapter. I'll update pretty soon. Also, I think I'm putting Polaris on hold for a week or two more, because I'm a little stuck on it. But I started a new story, Jigsaw, which is kind of a different concept I'm trying, but is MerDer, of course. I think it's, if nothing else, original so I hope you'll check it out. And of course, review this for an update! Stuff I'd kind of like to know about in the reviews: Addison/Derek's convo, because I don't know how well I handled it, Meredith/Christina making up, because I don't know how real it felt and of course the Mer/Der conversations both right after the sex and in the hallway.