a/n: so, now that spike has relapsed, what's gonna happen? if you venture to take a guess, i'm sure you can figure it out that things won't be pretty. at least for a while. oh, and the last couple of chapters have garnished a record low for reviews and i'm perplexed as to why. so though i wholly appreciate you reading this, why not drop a quick review to let me know how i'm doin'? and if not, well...at least you're still reading. kay, enough drabble, on with it!

14. At Least They're Talking


Faye had gotten her crutches back the next day after Jet had wrestled them away from Spike. Jet had asked her why he had taken her crutches to begin with, but the crippled woman played it off and said it was basically nothing. Jet wasn't satisfied with her answer by any stretch of the means, but he decided to let things go for now. She had then hobbled off to her room, very unsteady on her new surrogate legs, but she made it there eventually.

For the greater part of a week, Faye didn't venture out of her little cubicle. For one thing, she didn't have the strength to trump back and forth over the extensive ship at the moment, and Jet wouldn't let her up that much, either. Spike was the other reason she was reluctant to leave her room. She didn't want to see him, she certainly didn't have the strength she needed to deal with him at the moment.

It was interesting, Faye noticed, how the people on the ship reacted to her. When she had come home after losing the baby, no one really talked about it, and no one really made a big fuss over it. This time around, however, she was lucky if she was ever alone, as Jet or Ed was always ready to do just about anything for her. Since her injuries were very physical this time, Faye wondered if that affected how they treated her. They could see the scars, and that made them easily addressable. But when the pain was purely internal, it was as if no one even cared. Faye knew better than to believe that latter was the truth, but even she realized that she responded to herself better this time around.

Over the course of her bed rest, which lasted somewhere around three weeks, Faye had learned the hard way, that Ed was an exceptionally good card player. Even though her games were childish, such as War, she was still a talented player, and that made Faye proud. Perhaps Poker Alice could have a protégé, if only Radical Edward would sit still long enough to learn how to play the intricate game of poker.

To pass the time when Ed wasn't giving her a run for her money, Faye read a lot. Jet had bought her a few books upon her release and she was surprised to see that he had a good grasp on what it was that interested her. There was a book on ancient Greek mythology that she simply ate up. From what her memories offered her, mythology had been her secret love when she was younger. It was no surprise that she equated herself to Aphrodite, now all she needed was her glorious Mount Olympus. But the Bebop would have to do for now.

Jet had also gotten her a coloring book and crayons, saying something to the effect of "if you're gonna whine like a child, you might as well play like a child, too". Leave it to good ol' Jet to insult you and make you laugh. And then there was the cheesy romance novel tossed into the stack, as well. The cover was adorned with the overly muscled man with flowing, windswept hair, as he passionately held on to the woman with the overflowing bosom. Faye would have given anything to see Jet's face when he bought that book.

It was no surprise to her, though it still hurt all the same, that Spike never once poked his head into her room to say 'hi'. The few times that Faye had limped out of her room and into an area where he was, Spike would quickly get up and leave the room as if he were offended. On those rare occasions when Faye got a glimpse of the mysterious man, she always tried to gauge his lucidity. More often then not, he was thankfully sober, but every so often, she could tell he was high.

Faye had wanted to sneak into Spike's room and find all of the stuff, the damn drugs that he couldn't seem to put down. But she'd never be fast enough to get in and out undetected; she was still too immobilized by her crutches and casts. Faye then had to wonder if Jet knew. Or if Ed did, for that matter. If she could figure it out so easily, then she was sure that they could, too. But neither had said anything to her, so there was a chance that they didn't know.

But Faye couldn't understand why she thought that was a good thing. They should know if they didn't, because what Spike was doing was wrong. But in Faye's mind, she felt that if they didn't know, then it was like a secret her and Spike. And if she kept the secret, then maybe he would trust her. And if he trusted her, then maybe she could convince him to stop.

It was a very dense way of thinking, and Faye knew that something like that could never work. That didn't deter her from thinking that way, though. If the others didn't know, then she certainly wasn't going to tell. She'd get herself better, and then she'd find a way to save him. There was no way around the fact that she still loved him with everything she was, and if she had to save his life to prove it, then so be it.


"You still up?" Jet asked Faye one night as he eased into her room.

"Huh, oh yeah, I'm still up. Turns out you got a really good book for me," she smiled at him as she held up the myth book.

"I'm glad I could do something right for you," Jet smirked as he fully entered her room.

He walked over and sat down on the edge of her bed, and Faye could tell that there was something gnawing at his brain.

"So, how you feeling?"

"Same as I felt last time you asked me. It's still hard to get around, but I'm not in as much pain. I imagine I can get rid of these crutches in another day or two."

"You've been home for three weeks. You'll be in casts for another three weeks. You'll be on crutches for the next three weeks."

"Fine," Faye mumbled, hating her crutches even more. "But when I'm finally able to walk without them, I may very well beat you with them."

"I'd like to see you try," Jet lightly taunted.

"So," Jet started a few minutes later. "Have you noticed anything odd about Spike lately?"

"It's not like I've seen much of him, so I don't know what you're asking for," Faye said, tensing at Jet's probes. She had a good idea what he was talking about, and she wasn't sure if she was ready to confront that yet.

"I think you know what I'm talking about, Faye," he leveled with her. "He's back on it again, isn't he?"

"…Yeah, he is," Faye admitted, feeling suddenly ashamed for reasons she didn't understand.

The two didn't say anything for a while. It was as if they were letting the truth seep in, even though they already knew it. Conformation was what they needed, though, and now that they had it, they almost wished to be back in the dark again.

"What do we do about it?" Jet was the first to ask.

"I…I don't know. I mean, what can we do? Another intervention? More rehab? I highly doubt he'd go, even if we dragged him there.

Again, they let the truth sink in. There was something so very off about the situation this time. Spike wasn't high every day, which proved he had some sort of restraint, but the fact of the matter was, he was on it again.

"I can't go through this again," Faye quietly admitted. "Especially if he doesn't want me around. I…it was almost too much last time and I don't want to see him get that bad again."

"I know, Faye…but we can't just let him go through this on his own, we…"

"We are just going to leave him alone! Or at least I am!" Faye suddenly shouted. "I think he's done a wonderful job showing me that he doesn't give a damn about me, so I'm not gonna give a shit about him, either! If he wants to throw his life away, then let him! I'm done trying to save a man who doesn't want to be saved!"

Jet watched the woman as she settled herself down. Conflicting emotions flickered behind her eyes and Jet wasn't sure which one she'd express next. He had to commend her on keeping herself in check, though. She didn't yell anymore, nor did she cry, which was an interesting change. She just sat there and stared blankly to the side, almost as if she was shutting down.

"I don't want to give up on him," Jet said as he stood up and proceeded to leave. "But I know how you feel. You feel betrayed, since he promised us he wouldn't do this again. I'm tempted to not do anything and just see how it goes, but I'll always eventually do something…I just don't know what, yet."

Softly closing the door behind him, Jet left Faye to herself again. He didn't have answers and neither did she. They were both just as lost this time around as they were before. Laying down and rolling to her side, Faye's hand drifted down to rest on her stomach as she lightly fingered the scar that was there. Maybe if she hadn't lost the baby, Spike would still be okay. But that was probably a really stupid thought. She was prone to those, nowadays.


"It's not my fault he got away!"

"Yes it is! It's not like I was out there to get in the way, like you always say I do!"

Jet sighed and rubbed his nose in an attempt to calm himself. Spike and Faye had been going at it for the better part of an hour now, thanks to a bounty gone wrong. It was supposed to be a very simple bounty, but things didn't want to go easy for the Bebop lately. It was supposed to be a simple bounty in which Jet and Spike were to out to get the perp, and Faye and Ed were to stay behind and guide them.

Since Faye was still pretty banged up, only about a month out of the hospital, radioing in from the ship was the only way she was able to help at the moment. So Jet and Spike had went off to nab Sancho Perez, a well know, but less than professional drug smuggler, and it was supposed to be a simple in and out procedure. But something went wrong, and he got away. Jet's ship got busted up in the process and somehow, a civilian car had been blown up. Faye wasn't quite sure how they did it, but she chalked it up to the luck, or lack there of, of the Bebop.

Once the men had returned, mission severely unaccomplished, Faye had let them have it; her old, fiery temper back with a vengeance. First Faye had yelled at Jet about all things unprofessional, then she had turned her attentions to Spike. And that's were they still were, almost an hour later. This was the first time, though, in over a month that Faye and Spike had talked to each other. Granted, they were shouting like a bunch of wild banshees, but at least there was a dialogue between them.

"Maybe if you had given better directions, Jet and I would have been able to catch him," Spike yelled back at her.

"Well, maybe if you hadn't have been so fucking high, then you would have been able to catch him then!"

The room fell scarcely quite after Faye had said that. It was out in the open, now, Spike's reoccurring habit. Ed looked on, something akin to hurt and disappointment in her features. Jet looked back and forth between the two feuding adults, wondering who'd blow their top first. Faye stared at Spike, a mix of horror from what she had said, and indignation for the situation brewing in her eyes. Spike stared daggers at the woman, and if he hadn't have made a vow to himself, he could have very well shot her were she sat.

"Fuck you, Faye. Once a bitch, always a bitch," and Spike easily walked off.

He didn't say much to her, but the way he had said what little bit he expressed was more than enough to leave the whole of the common room in a state of shock. His tone was cold enough to freeze Hell, and it was all directed at Faye. Heaving herself up and grabbing onto her crutches after Spike had left, Faye excused herself and made a beeline for her room.

Jet wanted to follow her, just to make sure that she would make it to her room without breaking down, but he decided to let her have this time to herself. Looking over at Ed and giving her a helpless shrug, he turned off the computer in front of him and pushed himself up from his chair.

Jet then walked down the hall and stopped in front of Spike's room. He thought about knocking, but decided to just walk right in, instead. He saw Spike fumbling, almost as if he was trying to hide something, and Jet shook his head and addressed him.

"You didn't have to be so mean."

"Yeah, well," Spike began as he tried to inconspicuously roll down his sleeve. "She shouldn't insist on being such a bitch."

"I'm getting pretty tired of that word," Jet sighed. "She's worried about you, Spike; we all are. You're back at this again, even after you promised us you wouldn't. So sue her if she's mad at you. I think she has every right to be."

"So what are you going to do?" Spike asked, fury hiding under his care-free tone. "Are you gonna kick me off the ship for real this time? Tell me that I'm not welcome since I don't know how to treat her? Huh? Tell me, old man?"

"There's no reason to get snarky," Jet told him.

"Don't tell me how I should feel, Jet," Spike nearly shouted as he threw his hands into the air. "I don't know what you expected from me. I don't know what any of you expected from me. You're always trying to find the good in people, and I don't think there's any kind of good in me. And if you thought, even for a minute, that'd I'd be strong enough, or care enough about you guys, to never go back on this stuff again, then you're all a whole lot stupider than I thought you could be."

Jet gaped at Spike's words. What was happening to this man? His descent in to some sort of madness was rapid, to say the least, and Jet had no clue as to how and get him out.

"Is…is that how you really feel, Spike?" he ventured to ask.

"I don't know how I really feel," Spike sighed, his burst of anger gone. "I don't want this, but then again, I don't know what I want at all. You can kick me off if you want, I wouldn't blame you. I…I'm sorry, though. I'm just…I dunno."

Spike sat on his bed and ran his hands through his hair. Even though he knew how he felt, there was no way that he could explain that to anyone else. He felt Jet watching him and briefly wondered what the older man was thinking.

Similarly, Jet wondered what Spike was thinking. From such a high to such a low, Jet witnessed his comrade go from one extreme to the other with nary a moment in between. In his mind, Spike was never okay; not since the day he first met him. But things continued to spiral out of control for the guy, and now, he was close to rock bottom again, almost as if he had never hit it to begin with. And maybe he hadn't…perhaps the worse was still just around the bend.

"Don't do this, Spike. Don't do it to us, and don't do it to yourself," Jet offered as he began to retreat.

"I don't want to do this…anything, Jet…I just…I just don't know how to stop," Spike gave in return. "We all knew I'd never make it out of my twenties…why pretend like I could."

Spike stood then and bypassed Jet on his way out of the room. Jet was tempted to follow the man, if to only see him to the door, but sobs from Faye's room distracted him, and though he was torn, he went to check on her instead. He lamented on the situation as he opened the door to her room, and marveled at the speed in which things seemed to go to shit. But then again, the people on his ship usually spun fast, like out of control comets. And it was only a matter of time before one of them violently collided.


so...a lot of emotions in this one. and most, if not all of them bad. things are getting rather intense...or intenser, i guess. well, stayed tuned to see this violent collision, and as always, thanks for stopping by!

phoenix