Chapter Fifteen: How To Save A Life
Addison
The paramedics helps her out of the car. Addison looks around blearily; she isn't sure what happened after the car hit them, but she thinks they're further down the road, and then they went off the side.
That part is just like Derek did.
A police officer comes over to her. "What's your name, ma'am?"
"Dr. Addison. Montgomery-Shepard." She's not taking the Shepard off yet. She isn't divorced.
The police officer makes a face. "Have you been drinking."
"Yup."
"Okay, we're going to get you in this ambulance….can you tell me your friend's name?"
"My friend?"
"The woman in the car with you."
Addison pauses. "Oh, that's not my friend! That's my husband ex girlfriend. Her names Meredith Grey. She's a Dr, too, but only an intern. Is she dead?"
The officer has his hand on her arm. Addison's beginning to feel dizzy. "No, but she's badly hurt. The car hit on her side…"
"Oh. Can you call Mark?"
"Mark who?"
"Sloan. Also Dr. All I know is doctors." She laughs, and then everything goes dark.
Burke
Burke washes his hands in the scrub room, smiling to himself; successful surgery
He heads immediately into the waiting room, where the wife, parents and sister of their patient are waiting anxiously.
Burke smiles at them as he approaches. "The surgery was very successful. We'll need to monitor him for the next few days, but he should be fine, barring any complications."
He smiles as he watches the family hug each other in relief and then breathlessly expressing their thanks.
"Have a good night."
He's only gone a few steps when Olivia, one of the nurses, is in front of him, slightly breathless. "Dr. Burke, Dr. Bailey told me to come get you right away, she said to come down to trauma."
"Did…did she say what it was?"
Olivia looks uncertain. "She just said to get you."
Burke sighs inwardly. "Okay."
He follows Olivia down to trauma and approaches Dr. Bailey, who's looking strained. Burke approaches her, rubbing his hands together in a businesslike manner. "What's up?" He has to yell slightly over the screech of the ambulance that's right outside the door where they're standing. Bailey doesn't answer him right away, instead watching the paramedics get a stretcher out of the back. "Dr. Bailey, you know I'm not actually on-call tonight, so-"
"We have a problem." Bailey interjects. "Take a look." She nods forward at the stretcher that had already been brought in.
Burke steps forward, confused, and shoots the paramedic who's standing with the stretcher a questioning look. He shrugs.
Burke looks. He pauses. Looks again, to make sure.
He turns toward Bailey. "That's Addison!"
"Yeah, it is. She was driving, the police officer says she's drunk, but she was walking around right after so she's okay. Probably just a concussion, but we need a CT…"
"Addison was drinking?" Burke's head is spinning, trying to wrap his head around the fact that the normally sharp, cool, and collected surgeon could do something like this to herself. He thinks about the resignation she'd handed him. He thinks about Derek showing up at his house for Meredith the other night.
He thinks about Derek being brought in for a similar drunk driving accident not that long ago.
He faces Bailey, and sees that something else is clearly wrong. "What else."
"Take a look." Bailey turns to the other stretcher coming in, taking it from the paramedic and turning to Olivia, who was looking on nervously. "Page the chief for me."
Burke turns to the other stretcher and looks down at it. "What the-" He stops. Meredith Grey. He looks at Bailey, bewildered. "Did Addison run her over or something?"
Bailey throws him a scowl. "No! She was in the passenger seat of the car. The driver said Addison swerved right in front of them."
"Why…why was Grey with Addison?"
"Well, I don't know Dr. Burke. Why don't you ask her!" Bailey snaps sarcastically, voice strained. She stared at Burke, then said urgently. "They said she was in the passenger seat, and took most of the impact. She's pretty bad off, her rib cage is shot, that's obvious…probably a lot of internal injuries, we'll have to check it out, but we need to book an OR, because God knows we'll need one…" She's talking very fast.
"Okay…" He's thinking about Christina. Christina and her friends, she'd said they were coming to the apartment. "We should let Christina know…she…everyone's at our apartment, the other interns….we should tell them."
"And Derek."
"Oh…Derek."
Bailey nods in reply to the darkening of his eyes. "Yeah, and…I don't know about you, but I don't want to do this over the phone. I'll page all of them 911, that should get them here…"
"Yeah…" Burke nods distractedly. "Yeah, okay." He thinks for a moment. "I can tell her friends if you talk to Shepard."
Christina
"I can't believe he was going to propose!" Izzie says wonderingly, for about the hundredth time since they arrived at Cristina's apartment.
"I think he was." George corrects her. "Not for sure."
"Please." Alex scoffs. "He told us he was going to give her something. He had that place all fancy. He was all jumpy and nervous. He was going to propose."
"What do you think she'll say?"
Christina shakes her head in exasperation. "Haven't we gone through this? Let's move on, please?"
"If we're boring you so much why did you even invite us over?" Izzie asks, annoyed.
"Because Burke's in surgery, and I can't stand being in this place alone. It's too clean, I drive myself crazy."
"You've been living here awhile, Christina. How have you not been able to make some mess?"
"I've tried! Believe me! But Burke picks everything up. It's not even worth the effort anymore."
Alex downs the rest of the bottle he's holding. "You got any more beer, Yang?"
"Don't know, go check."
"You're the hostess."
Christina makes a face at him. "This isn't a tea party, Evil Spawn. You want something from the kitchen, you've got legs."
"Yeah, and you've got-"
Alex's reply is cut short by the beeping of someone's pager. Automatically, all four of them pull theirs out and check. It's Christina's. "911? I'm not on call…"
More beeps, and one by one they check. "Me, too."
"We've all got it."
"None of us is on call, what the hell-"
"The last time this happened it was the train accident…"
At this comment, they look at each other. "Turn on the TV." Christina instructs, standing up and throwing people their jackets.
George grabs the remote and turns on the local news, but there's no breaking news story. He shrugs and flips it off. "Let's just go."
Derek
He hasn't even bothered to change from his suit and is sitting on the porch of the trailer, reading the paper and going over the date earlier in his mind. He is, overall, pretty pleased. The set up was nice, she'd loved it…they'd had a great time, slipping back into the easy-going, comfortable relationship.
And the proposal…he has no idea what he was expecting, and a 'think about it' is a lot better then no, which he had prepared himself for…he knew it was a big risk.
The beeping of his pager startles him, and for a moment he isn't sure if he's imagining it. Finally, he moves right inside the trailer and picks it up from the table. 911?
"Damn." He sighs. He's not even on call.
Christina
She leads the others into the hospital and finds Burke inside waiting for them, in the lobby.
"Burke, what's going on, was there a huge accident?"
He looks momentarily confused. "Why…why would you think that?"
"Like the train…none of us are on call but we all got paged." Izzie explains quickly.
"Oh, right. Um, it's nothing like that. I just needed to talk to you, all of you."
Christina studies him closely. "Burke, what is it? What's going on?"
Burke meets her eyes but doesn't say anything.
George speaks suddenly. "Are we waiting for Meredith?"
"Huh?"
"Did you page her, too?"
"Dr. Burke?" The voice prevents Dr. Burke from answering. They all turn and see Dr. Shepard entering the hospital. He shoots them a questioning look. "What's going on? I got paged, and I'm not supposed to be on call."
"Us, too." Alex tells him.
"Burke." Christina's voice is more a demand now.
"Dr. Shepard, Dr. Bailey wants to talk to you, I think she's around the on-call room."
He sighs. "Okay, thanks."
Christina faces Burke, a bad idea that she knows what's going on. "Is it Mer?"
"Is what Meredith?" Izzie asks her, shooting Christian a confused look.
Christina keeps her eyes locked on Burke's. "It is, isn't it?"
Slowly he nods. "Yes."
George and Alex exchange a look. "Wait, what…what is it? What about Meredith?"
Christina shoots them a look.
"She and Addison…they were brought in earlier. They were in a car accident."
"Meredith and Addison?" Izzie repeats.
Burke nods gravely. "Addison was driving and she'd been drinking quite a bit. She swerved the car into the next lane, right into an oncoming car. Meredith was in the passengers side, and it took most of the impact."
"Why were they together!" Izzie asks shrilly.
"We think they were coming from Joe's…Meredith wasn't drinking so she probably met Addison there and got in the car to try to help…but we need one of you to call Joe and try to find out anything…"
Christina locks her eyes with Burke's and asks softly, "How bad it is?"
His voice is full of sympathy. "It's not good."
Christina looks down, shaking her head slowly. "Fuck."
"Wait you mean…" Izzie's voice is shaking. "You don't mean she could die." Christina turns and gives her a 'get with it' kind of look. "She could die?"
Burke doesn't answer; he doesn't need to his. His look is enough. Izzie turns and gives Alex a frightened look. He slips his hand into hers.
George speaks for the first time. "What…what about Addison?"
"She's got a concussion and some bruising but she'll be fine."
"Typical." Christina mutters. Her chest feels abnormally tight and her head's pounding uncomfortably.
Burke's voice is quiet. "The Chief's on Meredith's case, and we're going to find out the extent of the damage and do everything we can, surgically, but she's lost a lot of blood." He pauses. "Can someone try to get in touch with Joe? Find out what happened?"
"I can." George answers instantly, wanting something to do. Burke nods at him and George heads for the parking lot, intending to go across the street.
Burke looks at Alex and Izzie. "Do you guys want to go sit in the waiting room…the Chief should have something to tell us soon."
Izzie's fighting tears, but Alex nods. "Sure, that's…that's fine."
They head off and Burke meets Christina's gaze. "Are you okay?"
"Can I scrub in?" She shoots back.
"No. That's not a good idea."
"Then no." She turns and head after Alex and Izzie.
"Christina."
Bailey
"Hi." Derek walks into the on-call room where she'd been waiting for him. "What's going on?"
"We need to talk."
He grins, then, with mock incredulity, asks "Are you breaking up with me?" Bailey's face remains serious. "Sorry. What's up?"
She opens her mouth to start, but something stops her. That gleam in his eyes, a sort of light. He's been missing that for awhile now. The teasing, charming, slightly cocky attending she'd met when he first came here had disappeared, and now it seems, he's back.
And Bailey has to be the one to give him the news to shatter that all over again.
How to start? That's something doctors deal with all the time, giving bad news. It seems tactless to just blurt it out, yet building it up seems wrong to…just dragging it out and raising fear.
Rip the band-aid off or peel it slowly?
Uncharacteristically, Bailey opts for slow. She just can't make herself tell him yet.
"Dr. Shepard, you remember how you were feeling when you got in that drinking and driving accident?"
Looking confused, he nods. "Yeah, I was just…miserable. But what-"
"I guess Addison was feeling the same way. Dr. Shepard, she was drinking tonight, we think at Joe's, and she left in her car. She was in an accident, she swerved in front of another car."
His eyes instantly darken in fear and, as Bailey can clearly see, guilt. "Is…I mean, is she okay?"
Bailey opens her mouth to answer, but he cuts her off. "It's bad, isn't it? I can see in your eyes its bad."
Feeling a pang of sadness for him, as he has yet to hear about Meredith, she answers, "She'll be fine. She's got a concussion at most, some bruising and cuts but…she'll be fine."
Derek slowly exhales, his body relaxing in visible relief. "That's…that's good. You know, that everything's okay." He glances at Bailey, clearing taking in her expression. "Everything's okay?"
"Derek…"
Derek
Okay, something else is wrong. Bailey never calls him Derek.
"…she wasn't alone. In the car."
"Um…okay." He shoots Bailey a quizzical look. What is she talking about? Was Addison with a guy? Was that supposed to upset him? Surely she'd heard about the divorce papers, the resignation, all the other drama…
"Derek…" Bailey paused slightly, but seemed to resign herself. "Derek, Meredith was in the car with Addison."
Meredith.
"No." He answers simply. Bailey's giving him a look full of sympathy, and it's making him angry. "No way. That's, that's impossible. Meredith wouldn't be with Addison, anyway…I had a date with her, a few hours ago, why would she…no." He says this with a note of finality. He stares at Bailey, and she just looks like she feels sorry for him, and his anger mounts. "Did I do something to you? Or, or did you not like that I hurt Addison and you're trying to punish me?"
Her voice is quiet, the kind of soothing voice used to calm patients. "Dr. Shepard, I wouldn't lie to you about something like that."
"But it's impossible!" His voice cracks. "I just…I just saw her! And she, she wouldn't have been with Addison." He shakes his head rapidly, as if it somehow makes this less true. He's suddenly hit by waves of nausea .
"We think…we think she was at the bar for some reason, she wasn't drinking, and she probably followed Addison out and went with her to try to help."
"Okay…" He tries to keep his voice calm. "Okay. But she's okay, right? You said Addison just got a concussion, so it wasn't that bad of an accident. She's going to be fine."
"She was in the passenger seat. Addison swerved almost completely into the next lane, so the oncoming car hit right where Meredith was sitting. I'm sorry-"
The horrifying thought comes to him. "IS SHE ALIVE!" His voice is a lot louder than he's intended.
"Yes. Right now. But I'm not going to lie to you, it's pretty bad."
Color draining from his face, his knees give out beneath him and he's on the ground without even noticing how he got there, on his knees, his hands pressed into the floor. Tears burn his eyes.
My fault. My fault. My fault.
That's all he can think. He could lose Meredith, and it would be because of him. No matter what he does, someone gets hurt, this time Addison, and Meredith got caught up in it. If only he hadn't strung the two of them along for so long, things wouldn't have gotten so messed up…
He wants to blame Addison, but how can he when he did the same thing?
He's talking, his voice hoarse. "It's because of me. I did this to her….I strung it out for two long, I was always going to hurt someone. Now its Addison and Meredith got caught up in it…even when I'm making her happy I'm hurting her. It's my fault. Jesus, I did this. If she…if she dies…" His voice cracks noticeably.
He feels Bailey put a tentative hand on his shoulder. She's speaking, but her voice sounds far away. "They're getting tests to get the extent of the internal damage and then they're taking her to the OR to do whatever they can. The Chief's on it."
If this is meant to reassure him, it does nothing. He's a doctor; he knows how they choose words, and Bailey's are all engineered not to give him any false hope. He stares at the ground, trying to comprehend how this happened, how they went from the fantastic date to this in a few hours. Tears are rolling down his cheeks now, but he's only dimly aware of them.
"If you want to see Addison and find out what happened…" Bailey's tone is uncertain. "She woke up a few minutes before you got here, and they've got a banana bag IV in her, so she ought to be close to sober…"
"Can I see Meredith?" His voice is unrecognizable, low and thick.
"Um…" Bailey pauses. "I think they want to get her straight into the OR, but maybe you can get a minute when they wheel her by."
Derek shivers involuntarily. This is surreal. "When…" He struggles with his voice. "When will that be?"
"I don't know. Why don't you come with me, I can talk to the Chief and find out anything."
He nods, standing shakily and running his sleeve under his eyes. Bailey puts a comforting hand on his shoulder and they walk out of the on-call room.
Mark
He's on his way home from the hospital when his cell rings. He looks down and sees 'Addison' flash on the screen.
He sighs, conflicted. It had been hard for him to tell her off early, but he has too much ego and pride to take what she'd been doing lately. First taking off from New York 'for a case' and then never coming back, then refusing him so much as an explanation when he'd come to see her. Now, when Derek divorced her for Meredith, now she was ready.
He knows he'll break down eventually, but he needs to see her prove that he's more than a second choice.
Still, she'd been upset. He didn't like that.
Sighing in resignation, he answers the phone. "Hello?"
"Is this Mark Sloan?"
Mark's eyebrows knit together in confusion. It's a man's voice. "Yes. Who's this?"
"Officer Jeff Clinton, Seattle PD. Do you know an Addison Shepard?"
Mark's heart jumps painfully. "Yes. Is okay?"
"She'll be fine, but she was in a car accident. She'd been drinking." He winces in guilt. "And she got lucky. A concussion at most, I believe. But she was asking for us to call you, and we found the number in her cell from her pocket…are you her...?" He trails off, waiting for an answer.
"Um, I'm a friend." Mark answers numbly. "She's, she's okay? You're sure?"
"That's the report we got. Her side of the car didn't catch most of the impact. The other girl, though…"
"Who else?"
"Um, Meredith Grey. Do you know her?"
"We've met." Mark can't believe what this guy is saying. First, picture a situation where Addison and Meredith would be in the same car. With Addison drunk. And now… "How's she?"
"Um, she's pretty bad off."
Out of nowhere, Mark feels a rush of sympathy for his former best friend. He's got to be taking this hard.
"Okay, um…can someone tell Addison that you got me? And tell her…" He makes a quick decision. "Tell her I'm coming. As soon as I can."
"Will do."
Bailey
Dr. Burke is coming toward her as she and Derek come out of the on-call room. "Dr. Bailey, one of the nurse's asked me to tell you that Addison wants to talk to you."
"Um, okay…" She glances uncertainly from Dr. Shepard to Dr. Burke.
Burke turns to Derek. "Shep?" Derek looks at him as though just now noticing his presence. "Christina and the other interns are in the waiting room…the Chief promised to go down there as soon as he found something out about Meredith, if you want to go wait…"
He shoots Bailey a glance, then looks back at Burke, his voice soft, "They'll tell us before they take her to the OR?"
"Of course." Burke's using his 'soothing doctor' voice, too.
"Because I want to see her."
"You can. Not for long, but you can."
Derek nods slightly and Burke tells Bailey, "She's in 3221." Then he turns and leads Shepard down the hall.
Bailey shakes her head slightly, realizing that all three of them, the ones involved in this seemingly endless triangle, have now ended up in the hospital as a result of alcohol and car crashes.
She takes a long, shaky breath before turning and heading to Addison's room.
Bailey enters and attempts a smile. Addison's sitting in the bed, her knees drawn close to her, looking small and frightened. Her face is cut up a little, as well as her arms.
"How you feeling?"
Addison turns her face to look at her. "How could I have been so stupid?"
Bailey smiles sadly at her and moves closer to the bed. "It happens to the best."
Addison shakes her head. "How's Meredith?"
Bailey doesn't answer right away. Finally, she simply says, "She's not doing so good."
"Damnit." Addison's voice is desperate. "Why would she come with me? I don't get it…"
"What happened, Addison?"
There's a catch in her voice as she speaks, "I don't remember that well but…but I know I'd been at Joe's for awhile, and Meredith came in, she was only there for a minute, because I left. She followed me out, I guess and…I think she tried to get me to let her drive but I was talking about doing what Derek did, and I got in the drivers and…" She winces slightly. "And I asked her if she was coming, and she got in." Addison seems on the verge of tears. "Why would she do that? For anyone, but especially me?"
"She probably wanted to stop you from doing what Derek did."
She nods slightly. "And now she might die because of it." Bailey doesn't know what to say to that. "Have you told him yet?"
"Derek?" Addison nods in answer. "Yeah. I just told him."
"How…how is he?"
"He's…" Bailey pauses, swallowing hard. "He's not doing so good, either."
"Does he hate me?" Addison's voice is small and fragile.
"No. How can he? He was brought in before for the same thing. Besides, Addison, he's too busy blaming himself."
"What? Oh…" Addison cringes guiltily. "Can you tell him I need to see him? I have to tell him something, and it's important."
Bailey studies her face. "Yeah, I can. But I know he's waiting to see Meredith when they take her to surgery."
"After, then." She says quickly. "It's important."
Derek
He's numb as he follows Burke into the waiting room. Meredith's friends are sitting there, including George, who got back from Joe's earlier.
He takes a seat in a chair across from George, and Burke joins Christina on one of the couches. "We should know something soon."
Derek drops his head into his hands for a few moments, trying unsuccessfully to convince himself that she'll be okay. When he looks up, he avoids the eyes of her friends.
Absently, he shoves his hands into the pockets of his jacket, and the first thing he feels is the tiny box that holds the ring. Pulling it out, he opens it and stares. Please God let me have a chance to give her this…
"Did she say no?"
Izzie's voice startles him, reminds him that there are other people in the room. For a moment, he had felt like he was in his own private universe.
He stares now, and five pairs of eyes are staring at him, at the ring. He reddens slightly, then says in a hollow voice, "She said she wanted to think about it."
"Oh."
They lapse into silence again.
An agonizing amount of time passes. It's probably only about fifteen minutes, but each second slides by and builds the helplessness, guilt, and pure terror.
Derek's eyes lock in on the door across the hall from the small waiting area, the one where Meredith's being prepped for surgery.
"Shouldn't we know something by now?" Alex says loudly, if only to break to silence.
"You'd think." George mutters.
"Jesus, I can't do this anymore." Christina says, surprising everyone. She stands. "I've got to find out something."
"Christina." Burke says gently. "That's not really a good-"
"Fine!" She snaps. "Then you go! They'll let you in." Burke looks away, the look in his eyes showing that he's about to refuse. "Please."
Derek watches him anxiously.
"Fine." Burke stands from the couch and Christina sits back down. He heads into the room.
A few minutes later, Dr. Bailey walks into the waiting room. She raises her eyebrows in the direction of her interns. "What do we know?"
"Nothing." Alex's voice shows his increasing frustration with that fact.
Bailey nods. She looks down at Derek. "Listen…Addison wants to see you. She says she has to tell you something. Something important."
"Not yet." He says.
Bailey nods.
"Burke went to go find out something." George says.
Burke
"Chief?" He closes the door behind him. "Where are we?"
Dr. Webber looks at him over the heads of the various doctors and nurses crowding around Meredith's bed. His expression is strained. "It's not good at all, Preston. We're taking her into surgery in a few minutes, and it's going to be long and difficult, there's so much internal damage. We'll need you." Burke nods. "And Dr. Bailey."
"Okay. Well, look, can you maybe give everyone a report? They're getting anxious, and-"
"Dr. Webber, she's crashing…" This comes from a nurse standing near the bed.
Both men's heads snap toward the heart monitor, and before their eyes it moves to a flat line.
"Code Blue!"
"Jesus…" Burke murmurs, moving toward the button on the wall to call the code team.
Derek
He's sitting in his chair, still holding the ring, absently passing it between his hands. His heart is beating so hard in his chest it's become physically painful.
Then his heart stops.
The code team is hurrying down the hallway. Everyone in the waiting room is staring in horror.
It stops in front of Meredith's room, opens the door and goes inside, leaving the door slightly ajar.
Derek can't move for a moment. He can't think, he can't breathe. Then, suddenly, he's on his feet, heart pounding in his ears, moving toward the room.
Webber's holding the paddles and his bent over Meredith. "Charge the 200!"
"Clear!"
Derek feels dizzy as he watches the paddles shock her. This is a sight he's seen millions of times, yet this feels impossible. Meredith's heart….
"Nothing!"
"19 seconds."
"Charge the 300!"
Burke glances up at Derek. "Get out of here, all of you!"
"No!" It's Christina's voice, and Derek realizes for the first time that he was followed inside by the others.
"Still nothing, 35 seconds."
"Charge the 360."
"Clear!"
Derek's watching, breathless. This is a dream. He's going to wake up any moment.
"Still nothing, Chief, 54 seconds."
Derek is moving forward, and he's suddenly wrenching the paddles from the bewildered Chief. Sounding a lot more forceful than he feels, he barks, "Charge again!"
"Derek, you need to start CP-"
"CHARGE AGAIN!" He's borderline hysterical now.
"Charging the 360…"
"Anything?"
"Still nothing…"
"Fuck…" He throws the paddles on the ground.
"Christ, Shep…"
He stars CPR, his eyes glued to the heart monitor. "Come on, ON!" His voice drops to a whisper. "You can't do this to me, please…"
The long, drawn out beep in the background is the only thing anyone can hear.
Finally, the Chief grabs his arm. His voice is low and gruff, "Let her go, Shep."
Derek pulls his hands back, then in one quick motion, he thumps his fist hard against her chest.
Dead silence for a nanosecond that seems to go on forever.
Then…
Beep. Beep. Beep.
"We have a pulse." The nurse sounds amazed.
Derek's knees give out beneath him and he's suddenly half crouching on the floor, half leaning against the bed. He's shaking all over as he listens to the steady beep from the heart monitor.
Alex has his arms around Izzie and she's crying silently, out of either leftover fear or sheer relief. Christina's, who's fighting tears, has moved closer to Burke; he puts his arm around her and feels that, like Derek, she's shaking. George's chest is heaving unnaturally, and even Bailey looks shaken and unnerved.
Chief claps a hand on Derek's shoulder. "You did good, Shep."
He moves his hands from clutching the bedspread and covers his face. He can't help it anymore; his face is wet with tears and his body starts to shake with hard, silent sobs.
Chief looks around the room. "Okay, everybody needs to clear out. We need to get her to surgery."
"You…you…" Derek's struggling to speak, but finally manages to get out, in a strangled voice directed at the Chief. "You were gonna let her die…you were giving up."
Webber's face twists into a tortured expression. "I know. I'm sorry."
"I'm not leaving her."
"Derek, be reasonable. We don't need you in surgery, it's not even you're area."
"I don't care!" He pulls his face up to look at Dr. Webber, his tear-filled eyes burning with fury. He's found a new place to direct his anger. "If I hadn't been in here, you would have let her go down, and right now you'd be coming out in the hall telling me that she's-" His voice breaks.
Webber shoots Dr. Bailey and Dr. Burke desperate looks. They shrug.
Webber sighs and addresses the entire room. "Can we have a moment?"
Everyone files out, one by one until Derek and Chief are alone.
"Derek. We're going to operate on her. We're going to do everything we can to make sure she comes through fine. You don't need to see this. You're not her doctor right now, and we only let doctors in the OR. I will not let her go without a fight. I promise you that."
Finally, Derek meets his eyes. "Can I have a minute? Alone with her? Before?"
Webber nods. "But only a minute. We need to get her down there." He moves out of the room, leaving Derek with Meredith.
He stares at her. She looks so small in the hospital bed, surrounded by machines tubes. He takes her left hand, the one that isn't broken from the accident (she broke a lot of bones on the right side) and squeezes it gently.
"I love you, Mer. So much. And I'm so sorry this happened."
The beep of the heart monitor going into flat line echoes in his head, and he's sure that it's a moment that will haunt him for a long time.
He'd almost lost her. And she hasn't even been taking to surgery yet.
The past few weeks flash through his mind. His own car accident, telling her he made a mistake and it being too late, Mark, Meredith transferring, the night he'd gone to get her from the airport, finding out she wasn't leaving, asking her out, the proposal…
They've come so far. They're so close and now…
Defeated, he drops his face into his hands and cries.
Okay. So hopefully that was nice and emotional. I hope everyone reviews, because I'm really anxious to hear what people think of this chapter (as always, long reviews are my faves) especially the whole flat line incident and Derek's POV. Anyway, if you're reading Jigsaw, don't give up on it; I'm nearly done with the next chapter, but this chapter was halfway done before I posted before, before I decided to end the last one at the car accident itself, so this was easy to finish. Anyway REVIEW please.
