Chapter Sixteen
I'm sorry it's taken awhile to update, but I started school, and this years going to be a tough one. Plus, this chapter was hard to write, but I'm a little bit in love with one scene in it : ) . I think it's pretty long, though, and pretty eventful. You guys have been great with the reviews, and it makes writing so great for me. I Hope you like this chapter. Probably the next to last one. PLEASE REVIEW.
Christina
She and the others are herded outside by the Chief, and everyone seems in a huge hurry to leave the room, as if getting out will let them escape what just happened, or almost happened, in the room. In the rush to the door, she's sandwiched between Dr. Bailey and Burke, but as soon as they're back in the tiny waiting room, she twists to the side, turning away from the line of couches and chairs.
Her breath is still coming out in uneven gasps, and her vision is still blurry. It's making it hard to concentrate. This is why she doesn't like crying.
She needs to get that image out of her head. The whole scene. The code team. Running behind Dr. Shepard into the room. Watching the charges fail, watching Shepard do the CPR, the Chief telling him to let her go…
She shivers.
Focus on something else, she commands herself. Recite the protocol for code blue. Turn it medical. Why was it so surprising that the heart resumed beating? Pretend that wasn't Meredith.
A hand claps onto her shoulder, and Burke's voice is right next to her ear, deep and concerned. "You okay?"
Okay? There are probably still marks on his arm from her fingernails and he asks if she's okay. She won't turn to look at him. She also won't answer his question.
"She could die, Burke." Her voice is soft and breathless.
"She could live."
Christina closes her eyes, nearly sighing in exasperation at the complete Burke-ness of the answer. Burke's arm slides around her and he moves beside her instead of behind. She still won't look at him, not until her eyes go back to normal.
"There was no…" Her throat closes against the words and she presses her lips together, determined to get out the sentence evenly. "There was no reason Derek should have gotten her heart to beat again." Pretend you're just discussing the days medical cases like usual. Pretend this is casual. Pretend it excites you. "Did you see how long he'd been doing CPR?"
"Yeah. There's no reason she should still be alive. Medically." All of his stress is on the last word. Finally, Christina turns to face him.
She knows what he means. She and Burke differ on a lot of things, one of them being the 'medical explanation' topic. Science and spiritual, that kind of thing. Christina never sees anything past the medicine and scientific explanations. Burke, on the other hand, believes in bigger things. What, exactly, she isn't sure; that kind of conversation isn't exactly her strong suit. Fate, God, power of the spirit…something like that. Miracles, maybe.
The point is, she had always needed an explanation for everything, something she could prove. Burke didn't.
And for the first time, she's questioning that. Because the truth is, if she'd been the one holding the paddles, doing the compressions…she wouldn't have kept going. She, like the Chief, would have let Meredith go.
And Meredith have died.
Christina, who'd always thought herself a great surgeon…had it been her working on Meredith's case, her best friend would be dead.
And if a realization like that doesn't make her question her medical skills and beliefs, nothing will.
"Christina?" Burke's voice is gentle. Probably the look on her face as she's processing these thoughts.
"What?"
He tightens his grip on her. "You're shaking."
Instinctively, she turns her body toward him, leaning into his chest for just a moment. She's not sure who's more surprised by the gesture, Burke or herself. It doesn't last long; she's still Christina, and within a moment she pulls back to look at him.
"Thank you."
He's still looking bewildered. "For what?"
"For a lot of things." She pauses slightly. "For telling me to make up with her the other night." Was that only a night ago? "This…this is bad enough without us not speaking."
He nods down at her. "It was nothing."
The door opens behind him and every head in the room snaps to look at it. Dr. Webber enters the waiting room, without Dr. Shepard. He looks like he's aged ten years over the last hour. He steps over to Burke. "I gave Derek a minute alone with her, but we really need to get moving."
Christina fights the urge to look away from the conversation, keeping her eyes focused on the Chief. She keeps giving herself the same commands. Pretend it's just a regular patient. It's not Meredith. You were helping her get ready for a DATE earlier, for God's sakes. This is surgery. It's supposed excite you.
"I'll go prep the OR." Burke is offering.
Christina makes one last attempt. "So I seriously can't scrub in?"
"That's not a good idea, Dr. Yang. You know that." Chief's eyes are filled with sympathy. That's not helping Christina pretend.
"Burke?"
"I'm sorry."
"Great."
Burke puts a hand on her arm. "I'll see you later, okay?"
She nods, trying to be angry. Burke gives a small, reassuring smile and then turns and walks away.
Christina watches him go, then turns her attention to the rest of the room. She's nearly forgot there were other people there. Izzie's leaning into Alex on one end of the couch, and Dr. Bailey and George are in the chairs. Webber stands outside the door to Meredith's room, leaning against the wall.
Christina sits down on the couch next to Alex and Izzie, tilting her head back until she's looking at the ceiling. "Okay, Yang?" She snaps her neck back to its regular position, startled. Alex is looking at her over the top of Izzie's head, all traces of his usual smirk gone.
She studies him for a moment, taking it how pale his face his, the way his eyes are no different then the rest of them, full of fear and dread. She thinks back to the couple of days when she and Meredith weren't speaking, when Alex has followed her out of the 'cafeteria' and lashed out at her for the way she was treating Meredith. The way she'd told him it was 'news to her' that they were friends.
She shakes her head slightly, then, in answer to his question, smiles humorlessly. "I guess."
They all fall silent as Dr. Webber opens the door to Meredith's hospital room. His voice is quiet, but with the silence in the room it's easy to hear. "I'm sorry, Shep. We've got to get her down there now." There's a moments pause, and then Derek comes shuffling out behind the Chief, his face down, looking extremely dejected and out of place in the suit he had never changed out of.
Within moments, a couple nurses have arrived and push Meredith's gurney out into the hallway. Derek's staring fixedly at her, until Bailey stands up from her chair and offers it to him. He nods gratefully and sits, as Bailey gets ready to follow Chief to the OR.
Christina watches as Bailey looks at Derek, her eyes full of sympathy, and says, "Don't forget to go see Addison." Derek looks up for the first time since he left the room, and his eyes are bloodshot.
He mutters something that Christina can't quite pick up. He doesn't seem to be paying any bit of attention to Dr. Bailey, but Christina's all ears now.
In all the dread and the fear and the panic and the worry, she hasn't even thought about Addison. It hasn't even occurred to Christina to get angry, which is odd, since it's her preferred emotion when she has any sort of deep feelings.
It's occurring to her now.
"I mean it, Shep." Bailey's voice is gentle, but also laced with firmness, to show how serious she is. "She said it's important. You should talk to her. You don't have to go now, but…you should."
Derek just nods, but Christina feels a twinge of annoyance at Bailey. Why should she be pushing him to see Addison, of all people? Why should he care, why should Bailey care for that matter, if Addison thinks whatever she has to say is important? So much for loyalty to Meredith.
Bailey turns to her remaining interns to shot them reassuring smiles, but her smile fades into a questioning look when she meets Christina's gaze. Christina hadn't realized her anger is showing on her face. She looks away.
Bailey's talking, "It'll be a long surgery, guys, but we'll let you know as soon as we're done."
George and Alex manage half-hearted replies, and then Dr. Bailey followed the Chief toward the ORs.
The more Christina thinks about it, the angrier she gets, and this is easier for her to handle. Tears, sadness, helplessness…that doesn't work for Christina. Anger does.
Derek
It'll be a long surgery.
Bailey's words echoed in his head. A long surgery means a long time of just sitting here waiting, suffocating in the tension filled air of the tiny waiting room. A long surgery means that if they came back after any normal amount of time, he would know they'd lost her.
His stomach clenches painfully. He can't cry anymore; he just feels numb to everything around him. Bailey had reminded him to go see Addison, but he can't imagine getting up, leaving this room.
Not that he likes being in this room, not that he's looking forward to the next God knows how many hours they'll have to spend sitting here, waiting and worrying. But there's nothing to do but wait, and of course he can't help but worry. Walking around this hospital, talking to other people…that won't make it go away.
The first hour of waiting passes with none of them saying a word.
Derek keeps himself busy trying to remember every detail of the date. The way her face lit up when she saw his elaborate setup. The way she's looked when he made her laugh. Every detail. He's hoping that these images can somehow chase away the one of her lying in the hospital bed or on the gurney, looking small and broken and hurt. Maybe remembering the sound of her voice when she teased him, or the way she laughed at his jokes…maybe that can drown out the steady beep of the flat line that's echoing through his head.
Izzie
This is torture. Sitting in this room, in the silence, nothing to focus on except for the surgery taking place and the terrible possibilities of its outcome.
She looks over at Dr. Shepard with a twinge of pity. The way he'd just sank to the ground after Meredith's heart had started beating again…
"Dr. Shepard?" She venture hesitantly, breaking the silence and startling everyone in the room. Derek turns to face her but he doesn't reply, just waits. "Thank you. For not giving up on her."
He nods ever so slightly, then opens his mouth, working it side to side in a very odd manner, as though in the hour of silence he forgot how to speak. Finally, he says, in thick voice very unlike him, "I couldn't let her die."
"Well…it was good. That you kept going."
"It was." Christina echoes, surprising her. They look at each other.
Alex, whose arm is still around Izzie's shoulder, speaks next, apparently glad the silence is broken and anxious to keep it that way. His voice is a little louder than usual, as if he's trying to fill up the room more. "So this sucks. Nothing to do but sit here and wait."
"Oh, sorry, you're bored? Need a little entertainment?" George shoots at him sarcastically. Izzie gives him a quizzical look at this uncharacteristic behavior.
Alex, surprisingly, responds as if this is a perfectly valid question. "No, not bored. But isn't this driving you crazy? Nothing to do but think about what's happening in that OR?"
"I know what you mean." Christina tells him.
"Yeah, I guess I do, too." George admits. "Sorry."
"What else is there to do but wait though?" Izzie asks, savoring the flow of conversation. It lets her focus her attention on something else.
"Well, if we're lucky, this will be a long night." Alex reasons.
"Why if we're lucky?" George asks, prompting Alex to throw him a look. Izzie can see his face slowly change with comprehension: if the surgery is cut short, it doesn't mean anything good. "Oh."
"Anyway", Alex continues, "Long surgery, and its late." He glances at Izzie. "Nothing wrong with grabbing some sleep."
"Doubt I'll be able to sleep." Izzie retorts, though admitting to herself that it sounds a lot better than sitting here awake all night.
Alex shifts his weight on the couch so he's leaning against the dinky little cushions on end, and he pulls Izzie against him. Comforted by the gesture, she closes her eyes. He whispers, his lips close to her ears, "Nothing wrong with trying."
Izzie moves her neck back so she can look up at him. Keeping her voice at a whisper, she confesses, "I'm scared, Alex."
"I know you are." He pauses. "I could tell you the standard lines about how everything's going to be okay, which I don't know. But…"
"It's okay." She tells him. "Don't do that." She swallows against the lump filling her throat, the one that's making it difficult to breathe. "I don't want to hear it if it's not true."
"It could be." He says quickly.
She nods, thinking back to Derek's accident, how upset Meredith had been. He had lived.
As her mind drifted back to the accident, she begins to think about everything Meredith has gone through since then. Her eyes drift to Derek, who's staring straight ahead, his eyes hollow, his hands clasps and visibly trembling, and Izzie feels a pang of anger. This isn't fair. The two of them are so close. Meredith's been through so much, and now she's got the chance to be happy. It isn't fair that it might get ripped away.
As though Alex is reading her thoughts, he tightens his grip protectively around her, and she closes her eyes again, praying for sleep.
Christina
About three more hours pass. George, Izzie, and Alex are all asleep, or at least pretending to be. Derek's expression has barely changed. She grabs a medical magazine from the table and opens it randomly to page eighteen and stares at it for a while, not reading a word.
She's just managed to clear all thoughts from her head when Derek speaks, his voice flat. "I should go talk to Addison…"
Christina isn't sure if this is directed at her or not, but she replies anyway. "Why?"
From the look he gives her, he obviously wasn't addressing her. He seemed to have forgotten he wasn't alone in the room. For some reason, her question flusters him, as though he hadn't counted on explaining. "Bailey said that Addison said it was…important."
"Oh, well if it's important." Christina's tone drips with sarcasm, and Derek, who's moved to the edge of his seat, shifts his gaze uneasily from his hands to Christina.
"You…you think I shouldn't?" His tone is so uncertain that Christina can't help but feel sorry for him. It's like he's been rendered incapable of making any decision.
Still, she's doing anger right now, so she keeps her tone blunt and sarcastic. "Sure. If you don't care that she's the reason Meredith is lying on an OR table in a very risky surgery right now. The reason she almost died a little while ago and could still die, at any time." Her voice is rough, and she doesn't care.
Derek looks Christina in the eyes for the first time. "I want to hate her. But…I divorced her. That's why she was drinking. And that was a stupid thing to do, but I…I did it. I was depressed and drunk and I crashed a car-"
"Alone!" Her voice has a lot more feeling than she'd intended. "Even in the state you were in, would you have known not to intentionally run your car off the road if someone else was with you!"
"I…" Christina watches the way his eyebrows knit together, like he's thinking back to the night. "I think I would have known that, yeah. But how can I be sure? No one tried to stop me."
"Really? No one knew you were drinking and driving?"
He pauses. "Addison did. She followed me out of the house."
She can see she's latched onto something he's never really thought about. She desperately wants him to get angry, too, wants him to hate Addison. He owes that to Meredith. "And she did what when you drove off?"
"She…she watched from the porch while I drove off. She tried to tell me to stop. But she didn't follow me."
"Right, okay. So you're wife couldn't try to stop you from drinking and driving, but Meredith risked her own life to help her?" She gives a short, humorless laugh. "Makes perfect sense."
Slowly, Derek, looking lost in thought, stands. "I can't…I can't sit here anymore. I thought I couldn't leave, but I can't stay here, I have to do something. I want to know what happened, I need…I need to know how this happened." It's obvious from his voice he's trying to justify it; she's made him question going to see Addison.
Derek
He moves down the hallway, shaken by his conversation with Christina. He hadn't even begun to think about the fact that Addison hadn't followed him. Or the fact that, even in his state, it was true he wouldn't have done that with someone else with him.
The more he thinks about it, the easier it is for him to start to hate her for what she's done.
Still, ignoring her wouldn't do any good. And he hadn't been lying; he wants to know how this had happened. He wants to know what can possibly be so 'important' that she has the nerve to ask to see him.
And he needs to get out of that room.
He moves slowly down the hallway, tempted to go the gallery to check to make sure Meredith is still there, still alive, but that's stupid. For one thing, Chief's probably locked the gallery, and for another, they'd have told him if something had gone wrong.
He finally stops outside the room Bailey had told him Addison is in. He hesitates. What is there to say to her? The anger he had been unable to feel earlier is working its way to the surface and he's realizing that Addison's the reason Meredith's in the OR right now. But that hasn't made the guilt he's feeling go away.
What is he supposed to say to her?
Christina
She doesn't sit in the waiting room much longer after Derek left. She's sick of it.
With only a vague destination (the coffee machine by the nurse's station) she sets out, wandering the halls without worrying the shortest route she's taken, trying to clear her mind.
Eventually, she ends up at the nurse's station and is filling a coffee cup. The area is relatively quiet apart from three nurses, one behind the desk and two leaning on the front, who are talking in low voices. Gossiping as usual, Christina thinks to herself.
She doesn't pay much attention until she hears the name Meredith Grey.
She turns her head every so slightly.
"-in surgery. But I hear it's not very hopeful."
Christina can't help it, she jerks her whole head around to stare at them.
"Oh, Dr. Yang." The nurse that's speaking, Paula, hates Christina. A lot of the nurses do, come to think of it. But now her tone is extremely pleasant and the other two have quieted. "Have you heard anything about Dr. Grey."
"She's still in surgery." Christina mutters through clenched teeth. She turns her back to them back to the coffee machine.
The nurses are quiet for a moment, and then go back to their muttering.
"Dr. Shepard could get charged. DWI. Vehicular manslaughter if Grey dies."
"You know she resigned yesterday? Divorce. No wonder she was drinking."
"Kind of shows you, doesn't it? What goes around comes around."
Christina stops fiddling with the sugar and cream and listens, her heart pounding. That last statement was Paula.
"What do you mean?" One of the others is asking.
"Dr. Grey broke up the marriage. The woman whose husband she stole is so depressed she goes and gets drunk, and Grey winds up in the car. Karma. She's getting what she deserves."
Christina doesn't even think about. She turns around and calmly takes a few steps closer to the nurses, who have gone dead silent, stands right in front of Paula, glaring icily, and without a word smacks her as hard as she can across the cheek.
Paula staggers backward, cursing loudly, one hand on her face, the other gripping the side of the desk. Her two friends are gawking at Christina, who's pulse is racing with adrenaline. She's thinking how great it would feel to do that to Addison.
Instead, she faces one of the other nurses. "You have anything else to say about Meredith?" Not caring one way or the other, she raised her hand again, ready to make someone else hurt, when she's seized around the wrist by someone's hand.
Whirling around, she comes face to face with a guy she's never seen before. He slowly relaxes his grip on her and then lets go. "Sorry." He smiles slightly. "It's been my experience that fights in hospitals are kind of frowned upon."
"Who the hell are you?" She snaps, taking a few steps back. She turns around and sees the nurses are hurrying away. She turns back to the stranger.
"Nice to meet you, too. I'm Mark."
"Is there something you wanted? Or are you just here to ruin my day even more than it is?"
"Actually, I'm here to visit someone. Maybe you can help me find her. Addison Shepard?"
Christina stares at him. "You're Mark Mark?"
His eyebrows shoot up. "Yeah. You've heard of me?"
Christina rolls her eyes. "You came from New York to see her?"
"She was in a car crash."
"Believe me, I know. A self initiated car crash. She just has a concussion. I'd be more concerned about her police charges than with her health conditions." Her voice rises slightly as she gets to the end of that statement.
Mark studies her for a second. "Let me guess. You're a friend of Meredith's."
"Yes, actually." She pulls her eyes away from him.
"How is she?"
"Well, she's alive. That's about the best I can say. She's in surgery."
"Oh. I'm sorry. I hope she's okay." He pauses, hesitating. "Listen, can you please tell me where Addison's room is."
Christina thinks for a second. "She's in 3221." She finally answers in a dull voice.
"That doesn't really help me?"
"What do you want, like a map?"
"Can't you just show me?"
Christina sighs in frustration. "I'm afraid to be anywhere near Addison right now…unless you just want me to do to her what I did to that nurse."
"Well, I don't really. Not since she has a concussion and all."
Christina shakes her head. "Fine, I'll show you." Honestly, she is interested in seeing how it's going with Derek and Addison. She turns briskly and stars toward the elevator, Mark following her quickly.
Derek
He finally makes himself step into Addison's hospital room.
He looks at her long enough to see her startled expression as she glances at him, as if she was lost in thought. He doesn't wait to see her expression change, doesn't wait to let her see how much he's been crying. He looks down at the floor, closes the door behind him, takes a few steps to the side and leans against the wall.
There's a minute of silence.
"Derek."
Addison's voice is very small, very frightened, and it's the most unsure he's ever heard her sound.
"Bailey said you wanted to talk to me." His voice is flat. He shoves his hands into his pockets, then instantly removes them and folds his arms instead.
"I…" Her voice falters already, but after a pause she speaks again. "Heard anything about her?"
He knows she doesn't mean Bailey. He doesn't answer.
She takes the silence as a no. "Oh." There's a pause. "I'm sorry." Her voice is almost inaudible now. "I didn't-"
"What was it you have to tell me?" He interjects loudly, his voice hard.
There's a pause, then Addison says in a strained voice, "Yeah, um…Bailey told me…she said that you were feeling guilty?" She waits a second to see if he'll confirm this, but he stays silent. "Well…you shouldn't."
"I shouldn't?" He repeats in a dead voice. "Well, the reason Meredith is in the OR being operated on, maybe dying, is because you got drunk and did something incredibly stupid." He thinks he hears Addison draw a shaky breath but he's not sure. "And the reason you got drunk and did this incredibly idiotic, careless thing is because of me so, really, how can I not feel guilty?" His voice is shaking like crazy now.
"That's…" Her voice cracks a little. "That's not exactly right."
Finally, he raises his eyes, to look at her.
Addison keeps going, her tone resigned, as if she's fighting the urge to stop talking. "I would be…it wasn't you that made me do this. Not just you. I've known this divorce was coming, I forced myself…I hated it, but I was determined to be okay, to move on…" Her voice trails off.
"So…so why…" For some reason he's lost the ability to finish a coherent sentence. But she's got his attention now.
Addison mutters something. He turns his face up entirely and glares at her. "What?"
Her eyes are closed, and this time when she speaks he can hear her. " I called Mark." She instantly stops talking, as if hoping that this is enough for him to infer the rest. Derek just waits.
Finally, she continues, "I told him I wanted to…to come home and he said I couldn't stay with him. And I guess…I don't know, I was just upset about Mark and…and you, because I guess…I knew we were ending, Derek, it was so clear how you felt about Meredith and I'd always told myself that…that maybe I would always have someone but when Mark said I couldn't…"
Derek's stopped listening already. Something's roaring in his ears and he's still glaring at Addison, his chest feeling tighter and tighter to more this information sinks in…
"So this…this is all over him?" He's pretty sure he interrupted her, but he doesn't care. "Meredith's…she's…this is all because Mark wasn't ready to jump right back in with you?"
Addison's fighting tears. "I know, and I'm sorry! I just…I just wanted you to know. Because you shouldn't blame yourself…"
"Fuck, Addison!"
"Derek-"
"No, don't say anything. Do you get what's happening here? Do you get…" His breath's coming out ragged and he's lost control of the volume of his voice. "Meredith flat lined before they took her into surgery, and the Chief told me to let her go, if I hadn't…she almost died, she would have died….and now you're telling me this is because you couldn't handle the fact that Mark wouldn't let you come running back into his arms!"
He's moved closer to the bed, all attempts to not look at Addison forgotten; now he's staring at her, his eyes locked with hers, glaring. He doesn't mind seeing the tears that are beginning to roll down her cheeks and the guilt in her eyes…right now, he wants her to be guilty and he wants her to fell as terrible as possible. She's giving him his opportunity to give in fully to the anger he's been suppressing behind his own guilt… and he plans on taking advantage of that.
"Derek…you have to…You have to believe that I never meant to do this…you…you should understand. You know what it's like to get drunk and depressed and do something stupid…you nearly killed yourself…."
"Oh, don't. Don't even…even then I was thinking enough to not do something with someone else with me…but no one was. And why is that?" He's thinking back to what Christina said. "Because when you knew I was driving drunk you didn't come with me! You didn't even follow me after I left!" Addison winces, her hand moving to her face to brush the tears off her cheeks. "Meredith…she went with you, when God knows she owes you nothing, not after all the crap you've put her through."
"I…I know all that. I just…how drunk must I have been to do this! That's not me, I'm not…I wouldn't do that!"
"Why are you defending this? You don't want me to blame myself…yet I can't blame you?"
"This is my fault, I know that! I feel terrible enough! But I just want you to….I don't know, not hate me!"
He stares at her for a few moments, trying to catch his breath and when he finally does speak, his voice is considerably softer, "That's going to be hard, Addison. If she…she could die…" His voice cracks, and suddenly the tears that had finally gone away are filling his eyes again.
He turns his back to the hospital bed and walks a few feet towards the wall, pressing his palms against it and closing his eyes.
The sudden silence seems a huge contrast to the yelling of earlier.
"Mark!"
He turns to look at Addison. "Wha-" He stops short. His former best friend is standing in the door, his eyes fixed on Addison, with Christina behind him, who's glancing from Derek to Addison.
Christina
She looks back and forth between the two of them. She and Mark had heard them yelling from down the hall, and they'd waited outside for a few moments to make sure they were finished yelling before coming in.
She couldn't help but feel glad that Derek got mad at Addison and let her know it. Now Christina's waiting for an opportunity to do it herself.
Mark speaks first. "Addie."
"You came."
"Yeah. How could I not?" He moves toward Addison's bed and kneels down, taking her hand. "I'm sorry…"
"No, don't…don't be. You were right."
"I know." He smiles slightly. "I'm still sorry. It was hard to do, Addie but…I can't be your second choice like that. You need some time away from Derek…"
"I understand that." She tells him softly.
Derek and Christina are staring at them. Christina's about to say something but Derek beats her to it, his voice shaking with anger. "Now you understand! Even though earlier it was enough to make you get drunk and turn your car in front of another one! He shows up and suddenly you understand!"
"Hey, easy." Mark says, turning to face Derek, his voice completely calm. "Take it easy."
"Take is easy!" Derek repeats incredulously. "The woman I'm in love with could die, and I find out it's because you wouldn't take her back. What, you can sleep with her while she's married but you have a time limit after divorce?"
"Derek!"
"Listen, man, I'm sorry about Meredith. But this isn't my fault. It has nothing to do with me."
Derek
He's staring at Mark with the same expression he'd been using on Addison. He can't think of anything to say to this statement. He can't think of any coherent reason to blame Mark for what happened…but it doesn't matter. He's about two seconds away from punching him across the jaw.
"Why are you yelling at him?" Christina suddenly says. He shoots her a look, but she's not looking at him. She's glaring at Addison. "She's the one who did it. Not you, not even Mark." She laughs humorlessly. "Kind of fitting. She's been the one ruining Meredith's life for the past two months now…"
Mark interjects angrily, "Yeah, and I'm sure Derek's had nothing to with it!"
"You wouldn't know, would you?" Christina shoots back.
"Don't defend her!" Derek adds to Mark.
"You know she's not the only one who's done something like this…"
"Mark…" Addison interrupts in a soft voice, which sounds almost foreign when compared to the others screaming. "You don't have to-"
"Last I heard you got into a car accident for the same reason. And Meredith's not exactly a stranger to drinking either. How do you think I even met her-"
"Mark!" Addison's voice is shocked.
Derek, forgetting about the fact that he's shorter and less stocky than Mark, he's shoved him up against the hospital wall and, thinking how satisfying it was the last time he punched Mark out, is bringing his fist to his jaw with an almost frightening intensity.
Mark falls to the ground slowly, his back dragging a little on the wall. His hand clamps onto his face and he's gasping for breath.
Addison's staring at him, her face pale and her eyes huge.
Christina even looks surprised.
Derek's barely had time to understand what had happened when the quick, rhythmic beeping of a pager breaks the silence.
Derek fumbles in his pocket and looks at the pager, and suddenly Christina's next to him, staring over his shoulder.
Her voice is breathless as she looks at the pager. "That's Izzie…"
Derek can physically feel his heart drop to his stomach.
"They shouldn't be done yet…it's too soon…" Christina's voice wavers slightly.
Without another word to Addison or Mark, he's running from the room, Christina close behind him.
They burst into the little waiting room and Izzie approaches them. George and Alex are sitting in the same places, no longer sleeping. "There you are-"
"What happened!" Christina gasps, and Derek's glad she did it because he can't make himself speak at all.
"Nothing. We woke up and you two were gone. We just wanted to know if you'd heard something-"
"WHAT!" Christina hits Izzie in the arm. "Don't ever do that! We thought something was wrong…" She moves numbly over the nearest chair and falls into his, rubbing her face with her hands and groaning slightly.
Derek's just struggling to breathe again.
Without sitting down, he moves back in the direction he came. "I need some air…" he mutters.
He goes first to the elevator but has barely gave it time to come after he presses the button that he changes his mind. Not the elevator. Not now.
He heads for the stairs and thunders down four flights to the lobby, where he moves straight to the door and out in the parking lot.
His knees give out when he gets to the first curb and he sits, breathing deeply and trying to make the world stop spinning.
The temperatures dropped, and he thinks to himself that it's the cold that's making him shake so violently.
Okay, so I really like this chapter. And I think it's going to be the next to last one. But I really like this chapter. A lot. Even though there's no MerDer, directly anyway. I really can't wait to hear what you think, because this one took me forever to right, even though the scene with Mark, Addison, Derek and Christina has been playing in my head since before I wrote the previous chapter…and I hope I made it work. That's the scene I really want to know about, the one with just Derek/Addison AND when Mark and Christina entered….and of course I want to know how accurately the Point of views are being written…Derek's and Christina's, especially, but also Addison and others. PLEASE REVIEW. I'll try to get the next one up soon.
