A/N: First off, I am really sorry that this took so long, but way too much life happened. Now, though, I am almost done with my work week-and-three-quarters from hell. My constant sidekick and very-best-dog was very very sick, but she survived after an emergency surgery and is well on the mend. It's been an exhausting couple of weeks, and the muse has been kind of an asshole, but it took pity on me today. Two more chapters to go, and then another book will be in the books. Eek!

BAS 24 is more than half finished, too. So there. :P

And, because this whole thing is a fiasco, FFN IS NOW REQUIRING YOU TO OPT IN EVERY 6 MONTHS TO CONTINUE RECEIVING EMAIL NOTIFICATIONS. IF YOU HAVE STOPPED GETTING THEM, PLEASE OPT IN ON YOUR PROFILE PAGE IN YOUR BROWSER, OR ACCOUNT SETTINGS (PAWN+GEAR ON THE BOTTOM BAR) AND THEN ALERT ON THE APP.

Chapter 41

Pam and Tray sat across from each other in Pam's living room. Neither spoke; this was the first time they'd met and it wasn't under ideal circumstances. Tray's breathing and the hum of the refrigerator were the only sounds in the house. Tray jumped when his phone rang. He didn't have to look at the call display. He sighed and flipped it open.

More silence. After a minute, he said, "Sunshine, I-"

She didn't give him a chance to finish. "Why, Tray? Why couldn't you leave well enough alone?"

"Because it was the right thing to do."

He hadn't really meant to throw her own words back in her face, but he kind of had, too. There was another long silence. When she finally spoke, her voice sounded like it was full of tears.

"Are you there? With him?"

The him in question was now standing in the hallway entrance, drawn by the sound of her voice. Tray met his eyes.

"Yes."

She cursed under her breath. "Goddamn you to hell, Tray."

They all had their roles to play. Jake was the goofy and loveable horny one. Maria-Star was the level-headed, smart and sexy one. Alcide was the charming and funny and loving one, and Tray was the heavy. He was stoic and kinda serious and incredibly loyal, which was part of why she was so angry.

"We will talk about this when you get home."

He snorted. He had known what the price for going would be. "I'm sure we will."

After a few moments of saying nothing, she said goodbye. She didn't really know if she was only speaking to Tray.

She needed some comfort and found Alcide in the living room watching tv. She climbed onto his lap and snuggled up against him. She was still the same Sunshine in a lot of ways — sweet and loving and kind — but her joy and playfulness were gone. They'd seen glimpses of them once in a while, but not often. And there had been no happiness since Pam had come. He picked up her hand and kissed her palm.

"You ok?"

She shrugged. "Not really. Everything is falling apart again. I am mad as hell at Tray. I'm scared to death that she'll come back and make me go. Or, worse, that he'll come on his own."

"And part of you kind of wants him to."

Sookie didn't answer. She wouldn't look at him. He kissed her temple.

"It is what it is, Sunshine. And you are who you are. You love. You can't help it. And nobody can help but love you back. If he does come, you can see him or not see him. It will be up to you." At least Alcide hoped that it would.

"I don't think that I'll ever stop hurting."

He kissed her temple. "I know. But someday you might. And it will get easier as time goes by."

She enjoyed being held for a few minutes longer and then started kissing his neck and then straddled his lap. He tried to do sweet and gentle, but she wasn't having it. She undressed them both and rode him rough and hard. She bared her throat so he'd bite her. He made sure not to break the skin. After, she clung to him and buried her face in the crook of his neck. He stroked her hair a little and pulled her closer and kissed her head. She cried silently and he just held her, rubbing her back and trying to console her.

Alcide looked over and Maria-Star was sitting on the couch beside him, watching the movie he'd had on. They smiled at each other and Alcide shrugged. Nudity and casual sex were expected pretty much everywhere in their beach house. As for the rest, it came with the territory. Especially when the guilt and shame and loss became too much.

Alcide rubbed Sookie's back and the crying eventually tailed off.

"I'm sorry I got you all bloody."

He chuckled. "I dunno. It's always a good excuse to fuck you again in the shower."

With Tray still back in Shreveport, it was just the four of them in bed early the next morning. Just like old times. Sookie hadn't gone to her rest at dawn; she was sleeping fitfully between Jake and Alcide. Jake stroked her hair out of her eyes and kissed her forehead.

"I thought we'd have more time."

Alcide sighed. "Nothing is set in stone, here. Hopefully she'll just tell him to take a hike. Hell, maybe he won't show up at all. Her maker said that he was trying to keep them apart. Maybe he doesn't want to see her, either."

Maria-Star was snuggled up behind Jake. She propped herself up on her elbow. "I wouldn't count on it, Alcide. This is coming, whether we like it or not."

"Well, I don't like it. I don't like it one fucking bit."

Jake smoothed Sookie's hair back again. "I don't want to lose her, either, but something has got to change. She isn't happy. She's never going to be happy with this hanging over her head, unresolved."

Sookie frowned in her sleep and sent them a glimpse into her dreams. It was Eric, looking down at her from above, his eyes filled with love and passion. From across the desk in his office in New Orleans, looking cold and stern and guilty. Coming around the corner in the monastery with a look of horror on his face, right before he'd burst into flames.

Her face smoothed out as she died for the day.

It was almost an answer to a question that hadn't been asked. Alcide held her a little tighter and buried his face in her hair and fell into his own fitful sleep.

By the time Sookie rose late the next afternoon, Tray was back. She dressed in jeans and a sweater and put on her sunglasses before going out to the main part of the house. She called him to meet her on the balcony. He arrived a minute or so after she did. She was standing at the railing watching the waves crash onto the beach below. She didn't turn to look at him when he stepped through the sliding glass door.

"You had no right."

He sighed and his shoulders slumped. "No, I don't suppose that I did. But I did what I felt that I needed to do."

"I know that I've had some moments of weakness, but I don't deserve to be infantilized. Do you have no respect for me at all?"

"No, Sunshine. No, it ain't like that."

She turned around to face him. "You did an end-run around me and took all of this completely out of my control. I needed time to deal with my shit so that I could go into this with a clear head and a plan going forward. To do it on my terms. Instead, you decided that Tray knows best and went behind my back. You put your foot on the gas pedal and now I'm going to have to come at this from a point of weakness with my head not screwed on straight. I'm not ready, dammit. I don't even know my own mind yet."

He looked away.

"How long do I have?"

He shrugged and then sighed and looked back at her.

"Probably not long."

"Why, Tray? Why did you do it?"

"I told you why, Sunshine. I thought it was the right thing to do."

She turned around again and gripped the railing. The ocean and the iron-grey sky were tinged with pink through her bloody tears. It took her a couple of minutes to speak.

"How is he?"

He thought about answering, but he decided to just show her instead. She tightened her grip on the railing and her tears ran over, streaking her cheeks with red. When he was through, he waited a couple of minutes, and then went back inside. He could see that she wanted to be alone.

She stayed out on the balcony and watched the sun set. She didn't think that it would be tonight, but soon. Very soon. Too soon, but it was out of her hands. She could call and tell him to stay away, she supposed, but she couldn't make herself do it. It felt wrong. It wasn't the way that this was supposed to happen, even if she didn't really believe in silly things like fate.

The tide went out and then started coming in again. The almost-full moon's reflection in the ocean cut a bright path of moonlight that she was tempted to follow right into the horizon. But she couldn't walk on water. She couldn't run away, either. So she just stayed put.

She could feel that everything was about to change, regardless of what her decision was. And she hoped that she wasn't being terribly naive in thinking that the decision would be hers to make. The thought of losing her wolves again was terrifying. Unacceptable. And she was just so goddamn tired of picking up and starting all over again. It galled her that it was a question in her mind at all, but it was tearing her unbeating heart out. Seeing him in Tray's memory, being a witness to his pain, had made it hurt even worse.

She had both too much time and not enough, and not just because Pam and then Tray had forced her hand. Theoretically, every grain of sand on this beach could fill the hourglass of her time on earth, and her wolves would only be around for a fraction of it. It was hard to conceptualize after only twenty-one years of existence, but she knew that it was true. Eternity was a very long time to be alone.

It was just two hours shy of sunrise when she went back inside. Tray was sitting on the couch staring at the black tv screen. She sat beside him and put her head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Sunshine."

"I know."

"I felt like I didn't have a choice."

"I know, Tray. I'm not angry any longer. It's just… it's just I'm really surprised, is all."

It took him a few moments to answer. "Because of the way I feel about you."

She shrugged one shoulder and then nodded.

"I didn't think that I was doing it to speed things up at first. I didn't really think at all, other than that I couldn't stand to see you so miserable any longer. I wanted to give him a piece of my mind."

Her lips turned up in a half smile, remembering what he'd remembered. "Well, I guess you did that."

He sighed. "Anyway, how I feel about you is why I did it. Seeing you hurting like this… It's tearing me apart."

She leaned over and kissed his cheek and then stood up and offered him her hand. He took it and she pulled him to his feet and led him to bed.

Even his blood tasted bittersweet.