Title: Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Chapter 3

Slash/Mature: Don't like, don't read.

Summary: Does absence make the heart grow fonder or is it just a line we hear but never feel.

All mistakes are mine, this has not been proofed.

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Snuggling deeper into the warmth around him, the images of earlier raced through his mind and he smiled. Then it suddenly hit him that the warmth he was engulfed in was a blanket and not a body. For the second time in as many days his eyes shot open and he rolled over and saw the empty bed. He ran his hands through his hair and then down his face. The weight that he had unburdened himself of by his confession was now replaced by a heart crushing worry. The worry that after finally having the one person he ever truly loved it would all be taken away. He wasn't being a pessimist, he was being a realist. Sex is easy, its everything else that'd difficult. Part of him just wanted to lay here in the bed until Gibbs finally came in to check on him. Then maybe they'd make love again. Tony groaned and if that happened he'd be right back in this position again with the same worries and fears. Forcing himself to get up he sat on the edge of the bed and his eyes landed on the clothes folded neatly on the top of the dresser, his clothes. His travel bag was also sitting on the floor next to the dresser. Standing up, he quickly pulled on his jeans and t-shirt and stood there staring at the open door. He wondered if it would be a repeat of earlier. Gibbs sitting on the couch drinking his coffee waiting. He knew Gibbs wanted to talk, wanted to have his say in all of this and Tony would have to listen. Taking a timid step he walked out the door and towards the living room already knowing before seeing that Gibbs wasn't in the house, he could sense the man's presence and the house was empty. Glancing over towards the door he saw the empty coat hook and let out a relieved sigh. Gibbs had probably decided to go to the grocery store.

His eyebrow suddenly went up, his ears having picked up a slight noise outside, but realizing it was coming from towards the back of the house. Did the house have a back door, he hadn't really paid attention. His eyes traveled around the perimeter of the kitchen, nothing. Making his way back down the hall, he realized at the end was a slight right turn and there was a back door. He instantly felt the presence and then saw his coat now hung on a hook by this door. Glancing down, his shoes were there as well. Tony swallowed hard knowing this was Gibbs' way of telling him where he was, but more importantly that a conversation was inevitable. Slipping on his coat and shoes, Tony stood there a moment, took a few slow deep breaths and opened the door.

Walking out the door Tony stepped onto a small cement patio that looked out onto a small yard enclosed by a tall wooden fence, a small shed on one corner and a few trees around the perimeter. There were two obviously hand made wooden chairs on the patio that reminded him of chaise lounges. Deep green cushions had been placed on top and they were only a few inches apart.

Gibbs looked up from the chair closest to Tony and met somber green eyes. He held his hand out to Tony and watched the younger man's shaky hand reach out, but then hesitate.

Tony hated that he hesitated, that he let the fear grip him.

"Please." Gibbs understood the hesitation, knew Tony well enough to know all the scenarios of this conversation the younger man had already played out in his head.

Tony's fingers brushed against Gibbs' palm and the older man's hand gently closed around his, pulling him forward. Slipping between Gibbs' legs as the arms wrapped around him tugging him closer. He closed his eyes feeling the calm steady beat of Gibbs' heart against his back and let the calmness of it sooth his worried mind. Gradually, he settled back against Gibbs and the tension in his body faded.

"There was always something there between us."

Tony felt the words whisper against his ear and it caused his whole body to quiver.

"I knew it back in Baltimore, knew you were going to be important to me, I just didn't know how." Gibbs took a slow deliberate breath. "Once you were at NCIS, it was this mentor relationship, then a friendship…I trusted you with my life and more than once you saved me."

Tony remembered all too well the times he thought he'd lost or would lose Gibbs, each time etched into his memory and each time a scar on his heart.

"You were always there, always, and most of the time I took that and you for granted. I should have told you how important our friendship was to me, how important you were to me, but I couldn't." Gibbs' right hand found Tony's and entwined their fingers. "I almost did when you had the plague. The plague…" He squeezed Tony's hand tightly. "That was the first time I really thought I might lose you."

Tony felt the muscles in Gibbs' body tense and the arms around him tighten.

"For weeks I drove by your place almost every night believing that at least seeing your car there, the light from your window, meant you were okay. I wanted to stop, see you, know you were okay…" Gibbs sighed. "Again I knew I couldn't."

"Why?"

"Because I knew if I told you even a sliver of how much you meant to me you'd see through it all, the walls I'd built up around my heart, the cocoon of lies I'd wrapped myself in, and you'd know…" Gibbs swallowed hard. "And I'd have to admit it to myself."

"Admit what?" Tony's voice cracked as he prayed the answer would be the words he so desperately wanted to hear.

"That I was in love with you."

The words reverberated through Tony's body, burrowed their way inside his brain, and made his heart thump against his chest.

"I'm still in love with you and I won't let you go, not without one hell of a fight."

Tony wanted to move, wanted to turn around and kiss the man he loved and that loved him, but the relief and emotions that washed over him were so overwhelming he couldn't move.

"I don't have all the answers, how we'll make it all work, but I don't care where we end up as long as it's together…you, me and Tali, we'll make it work." Gibbs actually pulled back and his arms fell from around Tony as the man struggled free.

Tony finally broke free, turned around, grabbed Gibbs' face with both hands, and kissed him. A kiss that was intended to convey all the love and endless other array of emotions he was feeling at the moment.

Gibbs' hands grabbed the coat on either side of Tony's body and tugged him closer, welcoming every emotion the younger man showed him. As the lips started to pull away, Gibbs chased after them not wanting the kiss to end.

Putting his hands on Gibbs' chest, Tony pushed the older man back, pulling far enough away that their lips parted. Green eyes locked on steely blue. "Why out here?" Tony knew there was a reason Gibbs had decided they should have this conversation, out here, in this spot. "I know you had a reason."

Gibbs' eyebrow went up. "I have to pick one." He watched as Tony cocked his head. Gibbs sighed. "I wanted to hold you, so you couldn't run away."

Tony rolled his eyes. "Seriously."

"Because I knew you were already thinking the worst."

Tony bit at his lower lip, not surprised Gibbs knew.

"But the biggest reason…" Gibbs' voice trailed off, his eyes leered down Tony's body and back up as he licked his lips. "I didn't want anything around that I could throw you on or bend you over and make love to you."

"Really?" Tony grinned as he glanced down at the chair they were in then back at Gibbs, eyebrow raised. "You sure about that?"

Gibbs' eyes narrowed. "Behave."

"The man I've loved for decades tells me he loves me and I'm supposed to behave."

"Yes." Gibbs' arms encircled Tony. "Because I promised I'd get some food for you…but after that."

"I can…" Tony leaned in and whispered in Gibbs' ear.

Gibbs' eyes closed and a low growl fell from his lips as the words created the image in his mind.

Drawing back, Tony spoke again. "So how far is the grocery store?"

Gibbs' eyes slowly opened. "Far enough for me to plan my pay back."

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"Okay, now I see why you eat out." Tony sighed, still surprised by the prices at the grocery store. He glanced out the passenger window and realized Gibbs was taking a different way back to the house.

"There are some trade offs to living here." Gibbs tipped his chin to the right out the passenger window. "Not a lot of shopping and what there is tends to be expensive."

Tony glanced at the small array of stores lining the street they were on, all mom and pop shops he was sure.

"They have a great school system here. I've met a lot of the teachers."

Tony smiled to himself as they made a right turn and a school building appeared off to the right.

"Plus they have a lot of outdoor education." Gibbs made a left turn a few miles past the school and they were surrounded by green land and no sign of anything but the natural beauty of the landscape.

Turning towards Gibbs, Tony cocked his head. "Are you trying to sell me on living here?"

"No, showing you options."

"If you want to stay here just tell me." Tony never knew Gibbs to beat around the bush.

"What I want is for us to be wherever is right for both of us…and Tali." Gibbs shrugged. "I know hardly anything about Tali. You told me she 's into all the girly things, but that doesn't mean she wouldn't like fishing and hiking. I have no idea if she would like it here."

Sinking back against the seat, Tony suddenly realized how distancing himself from Gibbs all these years had also distanced two of the people he loved the most from each other. Letting out a long slow breath, Tony shook his head. "She's this completely unique amalgamation of Ziva and I. One day we sit there and make funny faces at each other and laugh until we almost cry. Then the next day, she's this quiet introspective mini adult wondering what her place in the world should be." He smiled. "She puts on a beautiful dress and we have coffee and hot chocolate together at some cafe, then it's home to change and I'm standing there watching her climb a rock wall like she's Spiderman!"

Gibbs chuckled.

"The girl is fearless." Tony smiled that proud father's smile. "She'd love it here, I'm sure."

Reaching across, Gibbs squeezed Tony's hand. "I'm not trying to sell living here, but it is an option. And Paris is an option or somewhere completely new for all of us."

Tony nodded as he gazed out the windshield.

Gibbs brow furrowed seeing the somber look in Tony's eyes. "You don't want to be in Paris." He didn't need a verbal response to know he was right. "What is it?"

"I thought I went to Paris because it was what I needed to do, but I realized I was hiding, cutting myself off from everything and everyone. That surreal fantasy I talked about earlier." Tony swallowed the lump in his throat. "I thought I couldn't have the life I really wanted so I told myself I'd be happy with the life I could have." He shook his head. "The only thing that made me happy about being in Paris was Tali. I was focused on her." He groaned. "I know Tali loves Paris. It's the only home she really knows so I don't know how she would feel about leaving it."

"It's a hard line to walk, being a parent and wanting your child to be happy, but also knowing sometimes you have to make decisions they're not going to like."

"She's intuitive, she knows I'm not happy, and all I can do is talk to her and be honest like I have every step of the way."

Gibbs nodded. "She'll probably surprise you."

Tony snickered. "She always does. And-" He smiled at Gibbs. "You have really surprised me. The functioning mute replaced by Mr. talkative."

"There's a lot to talk about." Gibbs knew that hadn't even scratched the surface of everything they needed to discuss about this new relationship.

"Yeah." Tony glanced over at Gibbs. "But I could use a break."

"Okay. Home and something to eat."

"Actually." His hand caressed up Gibbs' thigh. "I had something else in mind." His fingers brushed over Gibbs' jean covered cock then squeezed.

"Tony." Gibbs wanted it to come out as a command to stop, but unwillingly it came out as a needful moan.

"What?" Tony asked, playing innocent as he massaged the growing bulge in Gibbs' pants. He smiled to himself as Gibbs' hips involuntarily rocked into his hand. "I am feeling really hungry." He flicked open the button on Gibbs' jeans and slowly slid the zipper down. Suddenly Gibbs' hand crashed down onto his.

"Stop." Gibbs growled trying to hold on to his control.

"That's not going to happen so you better pull over." Tony jerked his hand out from under Gibbs' and pulled out the old man's cock before he could protest further or even react.

"Fuck." Gibbs hissed as warm lips wrapped around the head of his cock sucking and licking greedily. Slowing down he tried to concentrate on where the best spot to try and stop would be, but his mind was quickly succumbing to the amazing feeling of Tony's warm mouth around his cock. Taking the next left he found the small access road and turned onto it remembering there were some trees further down that would offer at least some protection. Gibbs bit his lower lip as Tony slid further down his cock then back up creating a painful slow rhythm over his length.

Feeling the car jerk to the left then stop, Tony felt the hand gently fall to the back of his head.

"Suck my cock." Gibbs growled, thrusting up into Tony's mouth. His mouth suddenly fell open as Tony deep-throated his cock, the warm lips sucking hard at the base. An animalistic howl ripped from Gibbs' lips as Tony did exactly what he asked. Over and over he felt the head of his cock plunged deep into Tony's throat. He glanced down watching Tony's head bob up and down adding to the pleasure surging through his body. "So many times." Gibbs purred. "I jacked off fantasizing about you sucking my cock, making me come…so much better than any fantasy."

Tony's hard cock twitched at the thought of Gibbs jacking off thinking about him and he groaned, working even harder to make Gibbs come.

"Oh god yes." Gibbs' hand caressed down Tony's back feeling the taunt muscles under his fingers and palm. "I wanna come so bad, but I don't want it to end." His fingertips clawed into the fabric of Tony's shirt. Closing his eyes, Gibbs' hips gently rocked up and down matching Tony's rhythm. "Show me how much you want me to come." Gibbs hissed as he thrust up hard driving his cock even deeper into Tony. "FUCK!" Gibbs' body trembled as Tony slammed down hard begging for Gibbs release in the only way he could. Every muscle in Gibbs' body tenses as the release washed over him and he came buried deep down Tony's throat.

Tony took it all, sucking and licking at Gibbs' cock making the old man's body tremble and shake as aftershocks ripped through him. Even as the cock in his mouth went limp and the body sank down into the seat, Tony licked at Gibbs' dick.

"Please" Gibbs begged as his overly sensitive cock twitched painfully.

Tony knew that plea all too well as he removed himself from Gibbs' cock and felt the older man shudder.

When Gibbs' eyes fluttered open, he met Tony's stare and knew the question without being asked. "Yes, I jacked off thinking about you." Gibbs took a deep breath. "What's so hard for you to believe, that I jacked off or that I was thinking of you?"

"Every man jacks off whether he admits it or not." Tony said with an eye roll.

Gibbs' hand shot out and latched on to the side of Tony's neck and jerked him forward. "Oh believe me I fantasized about you more than I want to admit."

Tony bit at his lower lip. "Was I the first?"

Gibbs nodded as he let go of Tony. "Now will you behave at least until I get us home and in the house?"

Tony's brow furrowed as he looked at the man having expected Gibbs to ask the same question of him.

"Come on." Gibbs gently nudged Tony back fully into the passenger seat. "It's only a few minutes."

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The rest of the car ride was spent in silence, a silence that went unbroken until they stepped into the house. Gibbs had removed his coat and was heading towards the kitchen, when Tony spoke.

"Why didn't you ask if you were my first?"

"It doesn't matter." Gibbs answered nonchalantly as he grabbed a beer from the fridge.

"It doesn't matter or you just assume because of my past reputation with women there must have been a man in there too."

Gibbs rolled his eyes. "It means it doesn't matter." He opened the beer and took a long swig.

Tony took a few steps closer to Gibbs. "So you don't care if I blew some other guy in a car, like I did to you." He physically saw Gibbs' jaw tighten. "Or that I let some guy bend me over a couch and fuck me." Gibbs entire body tensed and his hand was clutching the beer bottle so tightly Tony thought it would break. Another step closer and Tony was toe to toe with the older man. "You don't want to know." Tony could see the jealousy in Gibbs' eyes. "Because the thought of some other man having touched me makes your blood boil, makes the jealousy rage inside you." Tony pried the beer bottle from Gibbs' hand and took a long slow drink then licked his lips. "You don't want to know because you're afraid of how you'll react if you weren't the first." Tony could see the underlying emotions surging through Gibbs. "I didn't realize you were such a jealous man."

"Well I am." Gibbs managed to say in a voice that portrayed a calmness he didn't actually possess. Grabbing the beer back, he downed the rest of the bottle and tossed it in the trash, putting physical distance between them he leaned back against the kitchen counter.

"And the possessiveness, why does that bother you so much?" Tony expected an answer but didn't get one. He snickered. "We're back to the functioning mute again, not wanting to talk about your feelings."

"What do you want me to say!" Gibbs snapped. "Jealousy is a stupid irrational emotions that I have no right to feel about anything that took place before this happened with us…and possessiveness." Gibbs shook his head. "I can't explain it or justify it when it blatantly comes down to the fact I feel you're mine, in my heart and my soul, you were mine long before any of this happened and-" He hesitated because he knew how the next few words would sound and the depth of meaning they would convey. "And you'll be mine until I take my last breath." Swallowing the emotion, Gibbs ran his hand over his mouth. "And no I never want to know if another man touched you before me or if any one does after me. Irrational and stupid, I get it, but I don't wanna know."

Again, Tony moved towards Gibbs, stopping this time in Gibbs personal space. His hands cupped Gibbs' face as green eyes locked on steely blue. "I have been yours since the day we met and will be yours until the world ends me. And nothing and no one will ever change that." Tenderly, his lips brushed against Gibbs and he felt the arms snake around his waist.

His lips drifted up Gibbs' cheek to his ear. "There was no man before you-" Tony whispered, "However, there was huge dildo I named Jethro that I fucked myself with countless times wishing it was you." He felt the growl as the hands latched onto his ass and jerked him forward. Laughing, Tony tried to pull away as Gibbs attacked his throat with kisses. "I'm not kidding, the thing is huge."

Gibbs pulled his head back and looked at Tony, eyebrow raised.

"I'm not saying you didn't live up to and exceed my expectations, but come on." Suddenly Tony was lifted off the ground as Gibbs hauled him to the couch and tossed him down. "WHAT THE-!" Tony laughed as Gibbs curled up next to him cocooning him in his arms. Tony smiled happily as he settled contently against the body next to him staring into blue eyes full of love. "I love you Leroy Jethro Gibbs and we'll work it all out."

"I know." Gibbs knew it would take time, talking, and a lot of changes for both of them, but they would make it work. They had both wasted too much time denying their feelings about each other to waste any more.

"The next big discussion I need to have is with Tali."

"And that needs to be in person." Gibbs hated the idea of Tony leaving, even knowing it was temporary.

Tony nodded.

"Are you worried?"

"No." Tony shook his head. "She won't care about us, I mean she'll be surprised, but she's always wanted me to be happy."

"You haven't called her."

"I wanted to try not to be an interruption, hope she and Ziva could actually come to terms with everything." Tony smiled softly. "She knows she can call and I'll always answer."

As if on cue the phone rang and Tony's eyes widened. "That's dad." Jumping up he grabbed his phone from his back pocket and answered, "Dad."

Gibbs only heard half the conversation as Tony paced back and forth in front of the coffee table. Even so he already knew what had happened.

When, last night, is Tali okay? I'll get the first flight back.

"Have him bring Tali here."

Tony stopped and looked over at the man sitting on the couch.

Gibbs just stared back at the younger man.

"Dad hold on a sec." Tony's eyebrows went up as he held the phone down against his leg. "Are you sure?"

Gibbs nodded.

"But my dad."

"Have them come here."

For a moment Tony just stared at Gibbs, but then put the phone back to his ear. "Dad, you up for a little trip."