Title: Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
Chapter 5
Slash/Mature: Don't like, don't read.
Summary: Does absence make the heart grow fonder or is it just a line we hear but never feel.
All mistakes are mine, this has not been proofed.
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A quick tap, two rings, and he heard the familiar female voice.
"I'm surprised it took you this long to call. Is Tony asleep?
"Tali?" He knew she would understand what he needed to know.
"She understands, but she's angry. She wanted me to leave. I came in like a hurricane and upset everything in her world. She wasn't ready for it and I pushed her to accept it."
Gibbs knew all too well pushing kids to accept something never works.
"I expected her to come rushing into my arms like she did as a child…but her memories of me were pictures and stories of a mother she thought she'd never see again. I pushed and pushed and she pulled away. It reminds me of my father and I."
"You're not your father."
"I know."
He waited knowing she was going to say more.
"But the similarities of the relationship are there. I hated my father when I was Tali's age."
"She loves you."
"She loves me, but she doesn't like me right now. She'll love me more for leaving, given some time." There was a pause. "I came back too soon, I was not ready, I have demons to fight before I can be the mother she needs."
Gibbs had seen her demons first hand.
"And there are more than you even know."
"You'll do it."
"He speaks from experience."
He had no doubt she had heard about everything that had taken place recently. "It won't take you as long, you have a reason to fight and believe it or not, she needs you and will always need you."
"She knows I am always here for her, always. You know what I would do to get to her and to keep her safe"
"I do." Everything she had done, the reason she had the demons, was because she was protecting Tali.
"All she sees is this chaotic mad woman has nightmares and wakes up crying or pacing the floor at night because she doesn't want to sleep, and the-" She stopped without finishing the thought and changed directions. "And she sees and feels the tension between Tony and I, sees that her father is unhappy and angry with me, even when he pretends he is not." She swallowed the lump in her throat. "She is daddy's girl, loyal and steadfast, her allegiance is with him, as it should be. He has been her everything and it is because of him she has become the amazing girl she is."
"She'll eventually understand, when she's old enough to comprehend the whole story and realize what you did to keep her safe."
"I hope."
"Don't try to do this yourself, you need people around you, someone."
"I am not alone."
He wasn't sure if the words made him feel better or if she was just saying what he wanted to hear.
"I know I can not do this alone." She could sense his worry in the silence.
"Good."
"She's going to surprise you with her intellect, her insight, she is an old soul."
Gibbs could hear the pride in her voice."So I've heard."
"We talked about you."
Gibbs brow furrowed.
"How important you are to both Tony and I and that she can always come to you, no matter what happens, and you will be there for her."
"I'll always be there, for all of you."
"You will help heal her heart, because you will always be honest with her. You won't leave out the painful parts because you know those are just as important as the good. Tony wants to shield her from all the sadness and harness because he knows what it did to him…but she is different, she wants to understand it, analyze it, break it down into pieces that she knows she can accept and even change if need be. Tony tries to hide his anger at me from her. He thinks if he makes a place for me in their lives, helps us try and connect, lets me play mommy under his father's watchful eyes that she'll believe there is no anger underneath it all. She knows."
"They always understand more than you think." Gibbs was starting to believe there was some underlying anger within her words.
"I am not angry, he is right, and I would do everything exactly as he has if our places were reversed." She paused. "Except she needs and wants to understand his anger, because it will help her understand her own."
"He'll get there."
"I know and it will happen quicker now that he is there with you. You will help them both." There was both a sense of relief and melancholy in her voice. "She will love you and you will love her like your own."
"Ziver." He knew by her tone, the words she had chosen throughout the conversation…she knew, probably had for a very long time.
"Tony and I were a moment, meant to be because it gave us Tali…you and him are a lifetime." She sighed. "He has loved you for a long time, nothing ever changed that, and nothing ever will."
"I feel the same."
"And that is why you called. Because already your love for him has spilled over into loving Tali."
"He's worried and I knew he wouldn't call you."
"I have not exactly been good at talking lately or listening, especially with him."
"You'll get there."
"She is going to love Alaska or wherever the three of you end up."
"You are always welcome wherever we are."
"Take care of them Jethro."
"Until I take my last breath." The phone call ended and he dropped down on the couch. That's when he sensed the presence and glanced over.
"I should have known she'd talk to you." Tony shook his head. "Even after how angry she was at you for not believing she was alive, she'd still rather talk to you than me."
"Sometimes talking to someone outside the situation is easier than-"
"Really you're going to give me some psycho babble crap?" Tony's eyebrows went up. "You learn that from your ex-girlfriend. Maybe I should call Jack to talk to someone outside the situation."
"Maybe you should." Gibbs shrugged. "She's a damn good psychologist."
Tony's eyes narrowed. "From what I heard she was more concerned about making goo goo eyes at you than doing her job."
"Kinda like you were with Ziva?" There was no malice in Gibbs' voice, just a simple statement.
The anger inside of Tony blazed. "Why did Jack finally give up on you, was it the three ex-wives, the ghost of Shannon and Kelly, or did you actually open up and tell her how you felt about me."
"Never told her about you." Gibbs scratched his cheek. " So probably one of the other two." He picked up the phone from the coffee table and held it out to Tony. "Her numbers in there call her if you want, I'm sure she'd tell you." He glanced at his watch. "It's almost three in the afternoon there, she'll answer." He leaned forward moving the phone closer to Tony.
Tony rolled his eyes. "I don't need to talk to another woman that became part of the trainwreck that is your life, dealing with your ex-wives was enough for me."
Again Gibbs shrugged as he tossed the phone back on the coffee table.
"What, no come back? No, smart ass comment about my own fucked up past with woman?" Tony was yelling. "Why aren't you angry!"
Gibbs steel blue stare locked on Tony. "Because you're not mad at me, you're angry with Ziva and you want an outlet for that anger." He saw Tony's Adam's apple bob up and down. "Yell, scream, cry, break things, I don't care. Whatever it takes you to deal with this."
"Just because you've made peace with your past doesn't mean I want to." Tony's jaw was clenched and his hands were balled into fists.
Gibbs leaned forward, elbows on his knees as he entwined his fingers. "You don't have to come to peace with it, but you have to deal with the anger…or it will eat you alive." His next words were spoken with a sadness he had only recently come to understand. "Because I don't want to find you with a gun in your mouth or pointed at your head because the anger makes you believe that's the only way to deal with it."
Tony's shoulders slumped forward. He knew Gibbs had been to that point after Shannon and Kelly, but he'd never admitted it, at least not to Tony. The thought that he might never have met Gibbs, never been at NCIS, never fallen in love with him, and never haven't gotten to this point with him made Tony's blood run cold. His fist slowly unclenched and the anger in his body dissipated. "I didn't mean-" He swallowed the emotion as he tried to speak.
"I know." Gibbs patted the space next to him on the couch. It took a moment, but finally Tony made his way to the couch and sat down next to him.
"I'm angry at her for being away, even though she had to be. I'm angry that she fed into the fantasy that there was an us and I'm angry that she came back and created this mess." Tony sighed as he fell back against the couch. "I'm angry at myself for never telling you how I felt, for believing some fantasy life with Ziva would make me happy, and angry that I let it go on for this long when I should have made her leave months ago because it was what was right for our daughter." Sitting there he waited, expected Gibbs to say something, but the silence continued. "Not going to give sage advice?"
Gibbs glanced sideways at Tony. "Afraid if I did you'd think it was more psycho babble from the ex-girlfriend."
Tony looked over at Gibbs and saw the slight curl at the corner of the older man's lips. "Bastard." Tony laughed as shoved Gibbs' by the shoulder. "Although, Tony pointed at Gibbs. "You did just admit Jack is an ex-girl friend."
"Could have been talking about Sam." There was a full grin on Gibbs' face as Tony shoved him again. This time Gibbs grabbed Tony's wrist and pulled the younger man closer, all frivolity gone from his demeanor. "Everything you've gone through was important and necessary." He cupped Tony's cheek. "Because it got us here and I'm not sure I would have been ready and able to love you like you deserve, until now."
Tony shook his head. "How do you always say exactly what I need to hear?" He quickly kissed the man then took Gibbs' hand as he stood up. "I want to go to bed."
"Okay." Gibbs allowed himself to be pulled up as Tony walked backwards leading them towards the bedroom. "I'm not really tired now."
Stepping across the threshold into the bedroom, Tony sighed. "I didn't say I wanted to sleep."
"What do you want?" Gibbs asked as Tony stopped beside the bed. He watched as Tony stripped off his clothes and stood before him. He glanced down as the fingers unbuttoned his jeans and the zipper slid down over his growing hard on.
Tony pulled the jeans down Gibbs' hips and pushed him to a seated position on the bed. Dropping to his knees before the older man, he put his hands on Gibbs' knees, pushed them apart, and slipped between them.
Gibbs' finger traced a path down Tony's jaw line as Tony's hands caressed up his thighs. "I love that look you get in your eyes when you want to suck my cock." It was this look of unquenchable hunger laced with desire and it set Gibbs' body on fire.
Tony's hand wrapped around the base of Gibbs' cock as his tongue lazily licked up the length.
Gibbs moaned softly, enjoying the teasing touch.
Tony loved the sounds Gibbs made and he wanted to hear more. Licking around the head of Gibbs' cock, he let his tongue thrust against the opening slit and heard the deep groan. Repeating the process he rivaled in the sounds growing the need in the man before finally wrapping his lips around the head of Gibbs' cock and sucking in slightly.
"God yes." Gibbs growled as his hand went to Tony's back, his fingernails clawing at the flesh. He hummed as Tony sucked and licked at the sensitive head of his cock. "Feels so good."
Wanting to hear more, inch by inch, Tony took more of Gibbs' length until he reached the base and an unearthly growl filled the room. It made Tony's body shiver and when the hand moved from his back to his head he started to move.
"Just like that." Gibbs' fingers combed through Tony's hair. "Nice and slow, I wanna make it last."
Tony loved Gibbs' voice, especially during sex whether it was that commanding tone of desperate want, the begging tone of aching longing, or the needy tone of blatant desire. Part of him thought Gibbs' voice alone could make him come. Reaching the head, Tony sucked then licked around the tip and the fingers knotted in his hair.
Another growl ripped from Gibbs' lips as he held Tony in place. It amazed him how easy everything was between them, how quickly they had discovered what each of them liked during sex. There was none of that new awkwardness that sometimes happened between people when they transition from friends to lovers. Instead it was this natural progression, maybe because of that unspoken need that had been simmering between them for so many years. No relationship had ever been this easy for him, not even Shannon. Or maybe it was simply because he had finally allowed himself to let someone in after her, to accept it would not diminish what they had shared. The peace he had found had finally been an awakening for him and this was his reward…true happiness again. His eyes closed as his head dropped back and he let the release wash over him. Body tense, he cried out as Tony's lips closed tightly around him taking everything he offered.
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"5 am and we're eating frozen pizza in bed." Tony chuckled as he took another bite. Both still naked, Gibbs was sitting against the headboard, Tony between his legs leaning back against his chest. "Feels like my college days."
Gibbs rolled his eyes as he finished his piece of pizza.
"You've been awfully quiet." Tony popped the piece of crush in his mouth and finished his slice.
"If you wanna know about Jack, ask me I'll tell you." Gibbs felt Tony's body tense against him.
"It was just heat of the moment crap."
"Usually things said in the heat of the moment tend to be things that are concerning or bothering us." It took a moment but Tony finally responded.
"Heard a lot of things about you and her."
"I'm sure you did." Gibbs scoffed. He knew all about the gossip mill at NCIS.
"Most people thought you were a perfect match, she was a female you, in a lot of ways."
"We were two very broke people, trying to help each other mend in some way."
"I heard about Christmas…was that the first time you slept together?"
"Yeah." Gibbs sighed. He may have made peace with his past but he still hated talking about his failed marriages and past relationships, to anyone.
"So what happened to relationships between agents never work?"
"She wasn't an agent."
"Right."
Gibbs heard the sarcastic tone in Tony's voice. He knew exactly why it was there, they had had a similar discussion a long time ago. He pressed his lips to the shell of Tony's ear. "You have to understand now why I was angry with you about EJ." It wasn't that Tony had broken the rules, it was about the fact that Gibbs was already in love with Tony and seeing his relationship with EJ on a daily basis hit a little too close to home.
"Did you love her?"
"No, but I care about her deeply, still do." Gibbs sighed. "She's a good woman, a good friend, but that's all we were meant to be, friends."
"Does she love you?" The question came out harsher than Tony intended.
"I don't know…but Jack's not the type of woman to walk away from a fight. If she loved me, she would have stayed and fought."
"And you never told her about your feelings for me?"
"No…and why does that bother you so much?" There was something in Tony's voice, that fact that he had brought this up earlier that made Gibbs question it.
Jostling around, Tony straddled Gibbs' legs and looked at the older man. He wanted to see Gibbs' eyes, the man could say everything with a look, and Gibbs' eyes all said more than even the words he spoke. "Just seems that a woman that finally got past some of those walls you'd built up might be someone you'd share things with."
"It didn't seem important."
Tony's eyebrow went up. "It's not important to tell some women you're having sex with that you're in love with someone else?"
"Is that why you told Ziva?"
"I told her long before anything happened between us."
"Does that make it better, because she made the conscious choice to be with you even though you loved someone else?"
Tony heard the tinge of anger in Gibbs' voice and saw it in the blue eyes.
"Would she have walked away if she knew?"
"Yes."
"So did you just wanna get laid?"
Gibbs' brow furrowed, not offended but surprised by the question. It wasn't the question he expected. Then he saw it, the deeper emotion under the superficial jealousy. Tony was hoping it was about getting laid, wanted it to be as simple and emotionless as that. "You're jealous that she was able to get in at all, that I let her in." Tony didn't need to respond for Gibbs to know he was right. "You read her file didn't you, learned everything you could about her." Again Gibbs didn't need a response. He shook his head any countless number of people could have given Tony access to Jack's file. McGee, Abby, Palmer, hell even Ziva could have probably gotten it for him.
"Keep your friends close…" Tony let the rest of the saying trail off.
Gibbs' hands caressed up Tony's back. "Did you learn anything?"
Tony shrugged. "I learned more from the phone calls from Tim and Palmer."
"And what did you learn?" Gibbs' eyes narrowed as he stared into green.
"That even the great Leroy Jethro Gibbs, will forget about the rules if a hot enough piece of ass throws themselves at him." Tony felt the hands lock onto his shoulders and jerk him down on the hardening cock beneath him.
"You're probably right. If you'd have thrown yourself at me in Baltimore-" Gibbs leered down Tony's body. "I would have fucked you, you were definitely a hot piece of ass."
"I'm surprised it took you till Christmas to give in, but then booze always helps, helps you forget you're not getting what you really want." Tony felt the grip on his shoulders tighten as Gibbs thrust his hips upward. His lips brushed against Gibbs. "Did you ever just close your eyes and pretend it was me."
Gibbs seized Tony's lips desperate for more tasting every inch of Tony's lips and mouth. It wasn't enough, he buried his face in the crook of Tony's neck biting and gnawing at the tender flesh. He knew he was leaving marks and he didn't care. All he cared about was having more of everything that was the man he loved.
Raising up on his knees, Tony spit in his hand, grabbed Gibbs' cock, stroked the moisture over it, and let himself slowly sink onto its length. He felt the growl from Gibbs' reverberate against his neck and hands latch onto his ass. "That's what you want, what you've always wanted." Tony groaned as he started to move up and down. "Your cock buried in my ass."
Ripping himself from Tony's neck, he came up to gaze into the lust filled green eyes.
"You were always what I wanted, always." Gibbs growled as his fingertips clawed into Tony's ass.
Tony's hands clutched at Gibbs' neck as he fucked himself on Gibbs' cock. "Tell me." Tony groaned. "Tell me how much you want me."
"I can't get enough of you." Gibbs' growled. "I'm addicted and I never want to stop."
Tony's head fell forward, his forehead against Gibbs as his legs started to shake from the strain. He struggled to keep the pace until his legs gave out and he crashed down into Gibbs' lap burning the cock inside him.
Gibbs' lips rained kissing across Tony's shoulder as his hands massaged Tony's ass, spreading the cheeks as he rocked his cock upward deeper into the man above him. Each action caused Tony to moan needfully. His lips brushed against the shell of Tony's ear. "This is what you do to me, make me rock hard, desperate to come, knowing it will only make me want you again." He felt the body against him tremble. "You make me beg for things I never knew I wanted, make me plead for your touch, make me feel emotions I never thought I would again."
Tony bit down hard on his lip as his fingertips clawed into Gibbs' neck.
"Anything you ask of me I'll do…anything at all." Gibbs felt Tony tighten around his cock. "I am yours completely, heart and soul, forever."
Throwing his head back Tony let out an unearthly scream as he came feeling the warm rush of fluid fill him a moment later.
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Tony's head was on Gibbs' chest, his arm draped over Gibbs' stomach as they laid there in the dark. He listened to the slow steady beat of the older man's heart. "I love you always seem to convey everything and now it doesn't seem like enough." The arm around him tugged him closer.
"It's enough."
Tony sighed as he snuggled deeper into Gibbs. "I love you Jethro Gibbs." Tony sighed as his eyes closed. " I have loved you for so long I don't remember a time when I didn't."
