Vol. 3

Ch. 8

What About Now

Alu took a few shaky breaths, face warm from where she had it buried in Dazai's arms and chest. She felt embarrassed and guilty, but she also felt actual relief. She felt better. She trembled a bit, wanting to just sit down but not wanting to accidentally knock Dazai over. She tried to pull away but his arms were firm and she found she couldn't remove herself easily. "Dazai…I'm okay now, I promise," she wavered, her voice a timid croak from crying.

"Just take whatever time you need," Dazai said, his tone uncharacteristically serious and gentle. Alu almost laughed. It didn't fit his character, maybe that's why. She felt awkward and embarrassed and she tried to make a joke to redirect the conversation in a more positive direction.

"Does that line work on all the ladies you comfort?" She teased him weakly.

Dazai paused. He just looked at her, eyebrows furrowed. "This is different," he said, rather subdued. "I'm not trying to pick you up, you know that, right?" He actually sounded worried that she was taking this the wrong way. Alu giggled, and pulled back, tapping his nose with her finger.

"You're too serious, stop it. It doesn't suit you!" She grinned, pulling back.

Dazai pouted. "Hey, I can be serious!" He grimaced, and Alu could tell he was actually taking this to heart. Unable to hold it in, she just began to laugh, and she squeezed his hand in her own. She smiled at him, her eyes still wet but well, she did feel better. She felt light as a feather, and it was thanks to him.

"Thank you," she said sincerely. "For helping me feel better."

Dazai's expression was hard to read but he really wanted to see her laugh and smile more. He wasn't used to actually being close to people, least of all letting them hold his hand like this. But it felt nice. He was a shitty person. But she made him feel like he could actually be a little less shitty, at least for the moment. "Don't thank me," he said, his voice wavering only slightly. He felt so guilty. Why was she thanking him? "I wanted to do this, okay?"

"I know," Alu hummed, dropping his hand finally and she finished wiping her eyes. Taking a few shaky breaths, she found herself finally calming down. Her mind actually felt clearer.

"Do you have anywhere to stay?" Dazai found himself asking, frowning. He did worry about her. He knew if she was actually anything like he was, then that self-destruction wouldn't be far from her grasp if she was allowed to continue to walk in that darkness she'd mentioned alone. He looked at his hand. If he held her hand, would it help her get through that darkness in her heart, just a little?

Alu blinked. "Oh, uh, well, you probably know that answer," she said, grimacing.

"Stay with me," Dazai said, bluntly.

Alu blinked. "Uh, no, you strike me as someone who likes to be alone, well, I mean… you know…" she flustered, trying to not sound insulting.

Dazai sighed. "I live alone, but I don't want you wandering around," he confessed.

"Yeah, you're probably right," Alu agreed, rubbing her chin, thoughtful.

"I am?" Dazai sounded comically caught off guard.

"Well, I don't have anywhere stable, and like me, I assume you're also a floater at this time?" She tilted her head at him. "You quit the Port Mafia, right?"

Dazai nodded, and his eyes flickered. "Yeah, I did." His tone was cool as he said this, and Alu had a feeling it had to entirely do with Odasaku.

"So, did you quit because you couldn't get back-up from your boss or whatever?" She asked, tilting her head. "When you went to Odasaku originally...I noticed you were alone."

Dazai's eyes flickered. Oh, right, she didn't know. Of course she wouldn't. He took a deep breath. "You could say that," he said, but Alu could detect he was holding something back. He turned and began to walk away from her. Alu trotted after.

"Just curious," she asked, thinking thoughtfully, "Why didn't you have backup? With an organization like Mimic, I thought it would make more sense to not go into the lion's den alone…"

"It's complicated," Dazai said, and Alu quieted. Oh, he was in a bad mood. She could tell. Dazai seemed to realize he had been short with her and he grimaced. "I mean, I'll tell you, but not here. Let's go back to my place."

Alu just nodded. With information about the Port Mafia and Mimic, it was probably wise to discuss it away from the public's eyes and ears. She kinda was curious to see where this guy lived. It was probably a sty. She wrinkled her nose. Oh the smell alone was probably going to send a normal person running. She braced herself, just letting Dazai lead the way.

They arrived at what looked like an inconspicuous looking motel style apartment complex. Alu blinked. "Huh, it looks normal?" She sounded surprised.

"What did you expect?" Dazai asked, quirking an eyebrow, bemused at her as he went up to the second level by the stairs.

"Dunno," she said, amused, "I guess I just didn't think you would live somewhere so plain," she shrugged.

"I'm a pretty plain guy, I'll have you know," Dazai pouted. He took his key out of his pocket and he unlocked his door. Alu stepped inside. Oh, the place was small. It had a kitchen, a main square sitting area and a small bathroom off to the side. This place was small but it didn't actually feel sad like she thought it would. Also, it was incredibly clean and neat. Huh, this man is full of surprises, Alu thought, amused.

"This is pretty cozy," she admitted, looking around.

Dazai wasn't expecting that to be her reaction and he chuckled. "Well, you are welcome to my humble cozy abode, any time."

"Oh," Alu said, staring at the folded up sheets near the window.

Dazai blinked. "What's wrong?" He asked, puzzled. Alu sounded awkward. But why? His eyes fell on the single set of sheets he used for bedding. Oh.

"Well, I see you're a pretty confident guy," Alu teased him, smirking. "Let me guess, when ladies come over you just tell them it's better to share the space?"

Dazai felt his face warm. Oh why hadn't he thought of this? He invited her over and he hadn't even thought ahead to getting a separate set of sheets. It's not like he planned on running into her today, but he hid his embarrassment by smirking back at her with a beaming debonair grin. He knew Alu was teasing and that it was the right time for him to goof off back to her. "Of course! It gets cold at night," he pouted. "But don't worry, I'll go out now and get some spare sheets," he said, already opening the door, turning his back to her.

Alu smiled at his back. "You know, I think I may have judged you too quickly," she admitted, thoughtful.

Dazai paused, a hand in his pocket. He looked over her shoulder at Alu. She was smiling, and it oddly made him feel light on his feet. He couldn't explain it. But she had a captivating smile. It felt like it was warm, like the sun. For a guy that spent a lot of time feeling nothing, he didn't want her to follow him down his own path. What she said earlier, made him determined more than ever, to push her to be better than he was capable of being, himself. "Oh, you thought I was just a suicidal womanizer, right?" He asked, raising his eyebrows at her.

"Yeah," Alu said, not even denying it which made him smile, amused, "But you're also someone who is actually really considerate. You've got good qualities…you should let them out more."

Dazai smiled but it was empty as he turned away. If she really knew what kind of person he was, would she still think that? She knew he was from the Port Mafia, so she clearly didn't care about that. And she had gone as far as to forgive him for how he had treated her up to now. Did Dazai still feel like an asshole? Of course, he knew he was an asshole. But that didn't stop her from helping his friend and honestly, Dazai had a feeling she was going to change the way this city functioned for the better. "You know me," he said, finding that being a jokester helped him balance that internal guilt better, "it's my good qualities that show off my charms," he stepped outside and shut the door.

Looking up at the sky, outside his small, plain, uninteresting apartment, Dazai found that the day was particularly warm. It was a nice day. Dazai, actually felt like enjoying it for a change. He hummed, strolling to grab the girl some bedsheets and possibly something to eat for later. He didn't know if he could change or what the point would even be, but the least he could do was try to pretend to be a decent human being at least, for her sake. And to honor the memory of the friend he had lost in the original timeline.

He owed both of them that much. And Dazai didn't like owing debts.

~*~*~*~*~—-X—-

What the hell? Fukuzawa couldn't shake just how that abomination had yelled at Ranpo. Why had she looked and sounded so much like a normal child? It was unsettling. Still, she had brought to their attention the fact that Alu was still hurting over the fight. Of course she was.

Fukuzawa paced.

He wanted to find her so he could reassure her that their anger with her had long since dissipated. He kicked himself, internally. He had raised his voice at her, and he knew he should have approached the situation differently. He was the head of the company—but he just wasn't confident in his actual ability to diffuse situations. Seeing Ranpo upset also made it difficult to address her while worrying about him at the same time.

Fukuzawa grimaced. He didn't feel cut out for this. He had only formed the agency as a place for Ranpo to be safe and use his talent without being cast out or worse, picked up by worse people.

As it stood, that girl was out there, emotionally suffering because he screwed up as the leader. He groaned. No wonder Mori Ogai had managed to ensnare her!

Still, Ranpo was currently looking for her and Fukuzawa still had to run the rest of the agency. He just hoped that Ranpo would be able to find her and soon—before she went back to that man and his deceptive ability.

~*~*~ —X—

Alu gazed at the fridge.

Hm. So, there was definite proof a guy lived here.

Beer, half eaten bread, and what appeared to be god-only-knows what, in a strange container in the back alerted her to the fact that this guy didn't take care of himself at all. She hoped he didn't ask his dates to stay for breakfast, lunch, or dinner.

With a sigh, she took out the abominable atrocity in the back and just dumped it in the trash can near the sink. Maybe she could make a proper shopping list for him at least. Her eyes flickered. Having Dazai act like her big brother was funny, but she found it amusing how as the little sister, she was classically stuck with making sure he didn't die of stupidity.

Her expression was a bit sad at the thought of Dazai's suicidal tendencies. How does someone actually address that in a person? There may be books, doctors, and the like to try to figure out how to guide that person, but in the end, it is entirely up to the individual. Alu was quiet.

Suicide wasn't a joke.

She would know.

She lost a friend, once, to it. It was a long time ago though and she didn't want to dwell on it. That girl's face faintly flickered in Alu's mind. Her pale lips moved, as though saying her name and Alu just quickly shut the fridge, encasing the contents in pitch black, like the wavering thoughts in her mind.

Don't think about that, she told herself, straightening and looking around the room. This guy must have his reasons…try to understand them, and go from there. Alu had observed this guy talking to Odasaku about creative ways to kill himself one time at the curry bar he visited Odasaku at and while Odasaku had just chalked it up to Dazai being a weirdo like always, Alu knew that anyone who talks like that, was really hurting. Alu sighed.

There was so much pain in any world she was in. She rubbed her arm, feeling guilty again. She didn't want to add to it. She just couldn't bring herself to go back until she knew how to properly apologize. She'd only go back and face him then. She felt her phone buzz in her pocket. With a surprised flinch, she took it out. Oh, incoming call? It was from Elise-Chan.

Alu picked up. "Hey!" She said, cheerfully, pushing her darker anxieties away.

"There is this really cute shop I convinced Rintaro to let me go to with you!" Elise-Chan said brightly. "He's going to stay at work but I'll meet you there in ten minutes or so! I texted the address, so you'll come, won't you?"

Alu thought about how Dazai was out right now. She realized she didn't have a way to contact him either. "Oh, yeah, totally!" Alu said brightly. Oh well, she'd just leave a note. Not like she needed his permission or anything.

Alu made sure to exit through the window. Why? Because she realized she didn't have a key and she wanted to leave the front door locked. Closing the window, she hopped with ease, like an acrobat down to the ground level. After all, Alu had some pretty awesome ninja skills from the previous world she'd spent the most time in. You better believe it.

Following the directions, she found it easy to locate the shop Elise had described. It was a really cute clothing store, with clothing for all ages up to young adults. Alu thought the clothing was really cool looking. She saw Elise, wearing a blue and white dress this time instead of what she'd been wearing this morning, loitering outside of the shop. Waving, she dashed over. "Sorry, it was a bit further from where you called me than I thought," Alu said, sheepishly.

"At least you made it," Elise said, turning and shrugging. Alu got the door and she and Elise went inside the shop.

Alu squealed. The clothes inside were all— "So cute!" She said, looking to Elise with a sparkle in her eye. "Wow, Miss Elise, you really found a great little boutique!"

Elise blushed but she just turned her nose up, waving a hand dismissively. "Of course I did, I have selective taste!"

Alu realized that when she checked the price tag. She nearly had a heart attack. "I-I can't afford this," she stammered, looking at Elise. The scarf alone was 60$ in American currency when translated from Yen!

"You're okay, I told you, Rintaro will be covering it all today, so feel free to max him out, entirely!" She said sweetly, with a devilish glint in her eye. Alu was mostly impressed with Elise's devil-may-care attitude, and honestly low-key worried about that man's finances. There had to be a limit….right?

"I'll try not to go crazy…really just a jacket will do," Alu said, looking at the coats. She liked the taste of this boutique. It was oddly very European styled.

"Take it all off," Elise said bluntly to her, crossing her arms.

"No,no, I really couldn't," Alu said, waving a hand, nervously.

"If you don't, I'll strip you myself," Elise said with a huge smile.

Alu knew at that moment that what Elise wants, is what Elise shall get. In all reality, she wasn't seeing much Rintaro in this girl—just a whole lot of Elise! Which, to be honest, filled Alu with a happy sense of relief. It was nice to see Elise being able to be like this. She was reserved still in her nature on some level and Alu wanted to help her relax and actually let go a little. "O-okay…" she found herself saying, not wanting to upset Elise and honestly finding Elise's demanding nature to be really cute. Oh god, she didn't want to turn into that guy. She groaned. He was a pervert—-what did that make her? She began to stress out.

"You're not like Rintaro," Elise said bluntly, as though reading Alu's apparent concern blatantly plastered on her face.

"How did you know that's what I was thinking?" She asked, Elise, sheepish.

"You squint your eyes a specific way when you talk or think about him," Elise said matter-of-factly.

Oh, she got all that from the less than day she spent hanging out with them? Elise was a sharp tack. Alu was impressed. "Oh, is my disdain that apparent?" She asked, embarrassed and a little red in the cheeks.

"Rintaro is an oddball," Elise said, huffing. She turned away and began to rummage through some racks of clothes, "…but you're weird in a different way from him, so don't worry so much about how you come off to me." She pouted, looking at Alu. "I don't mind being cared about, when it's you."

She sounded bratty and yet at the same time, Alu felt the urge to hug her. Oh screw it. She glommed onto Elise from behind, hugging her. "You're so cute, Miss Elise! Never change!" She giggled, nuzzling Elise's head. Elise made the funniest squeaks as she turned completely red and bolted out of Alu's arms like her body had been slicked with butter.

"Ack! You're so weird! You're squeezing me!" Elise huffed, adjusting her bow on her head, pouting. She turned away from Alu. "Stop being weird and just pick out some clothes!" she bossed her, but really, when her face was turned away, she was smiling. Elise didn't know this foreign feeling but she felt light because of it.

Alu just snickered and in a good mood, decided that since she could pick out something nice, she'd pick out something classy, stylish, and cool. Something that would last a long time and could withstand weather… and natural wear and tear. Alu picked out some clothes she thought she would be able to utilize for a good long while and she went over to Elise. "I'll try these on. What about you? You see anything here you wanna try on?" Alu asked brightly to Elise.

Elise blinked at her, blank. "No, I don't really need to feel the need to actually get anything when Rintaro's not forcing it onto me," she said with a shrug.

Alu pouted. "Hey! You said I have to try on things! It's only fair that you do too!"

Elise blinked again, and then she giggled. "You're such an annoyance," she said, but she didn't sound unhappy at all.

"C'mon! I'll pick out something cute for you to try on too!" Alu said, eagerly, putting her stuff down in one of the small dressing rooms. Elise didn't actually care for materialistic things but with how adamant Alu was being, it was oddly, a breath of fresh air from Rintaro's usual whining about having her try on cute clothes so he could hover and annoyingly dote on her. With Alu, it just felt…nice.

"Hey I have an idea that will really get under his skin!" Alu said, with a mischievous smirk.

Elise blinked, totally intrigued. "What would that be?"

"We should take pictures together of you in your cute clothes as a reminder of what he's forced to miss because of work," Alu snickered. "Do you think he'll jump out of his window and ditch work?"

They both pictured that man jumping out of a generic office building window with tears in his eyes and crying out "Eliiiiseee-Chaaaaan"…. They both looked at each other before they burst out laughing. Yeah, yeah he totally would, they both concluded in their own minds, both in sync with what the other was thinking.

"Pfft, hahaha!" Elise began to laugh really hard, hugging her sides.

Alu thought Elise had a nice laugh. She just sniggered, going to one of the racks with cute shorts and shirts. "Hey, I notice you wear a lot of dresses, why not try to mix it up a bit?"

Elise's eyes flickered, and Alu noticed her good mood seemed to dampen it a little. "Rintaro, likes dresses," she said subdued. "He likes skirts…dresses… stockings…" The longer she thought about it, the more montone she became, like a robot, listing off a list.

Alu hugged her. "Forget what he likes!" she said loudly.

She took Elise by her shoulders, and looked at her, with a determined look in her eye. "Elise, let's find your style, okay?"

"My…style?" Elise asked, confused. "I don't have a style…"

"Silly! That's what makes this fun! We'll find one that is all yours! No one else's!" Alu said with a grin, petting Elise's head. She wanted Elise to find her own sense of self. She deserved to have her own identity, one not entirely linked to that guy.

"I don't think I should," Elise said, subdued. "Rintaro may get mad if I don't buy what he normally likes…"

Alu quieted. She knew that the doting from that man was due to his own interests, not having anything to do with what Elise actually wanted. Still, she wanted Elise to find herself. After all those years of being on her own, she wanted Elise to know that she wasn't alone anymore. How could anyone look at someone else hurting and just walk away? Alu fervently picked out something she thought Elise would look cute in. "Let him get mad," she said, curt. "If he makes you cry, I'll just punch him." She said brightly, smiling at Elise.

Elise blinked. Then she giggled. "I'm pretty sure he'll use me as a shield," she said, wryly. "Rintaro isn't great when it comes to close combat. He often relies on me."

"Oh? So he does a lot of combat at his Dr. job?" Alu quirked a brow, amused. "Does he fight the patients?" She teased Elise.

Elise realized she slipped up and almost revealed too much about Rintaro. Her eyes flashed, and she turned away, upset with herself. "It doesn't matter!" she said, suddenly upset. "I'm not interested in talking about him! I wanna talk about you!"

Alu blinked. "Uh, well, there's not that much to know about me," she remarked, meekly. She didn't know why Elise had changed the subject, but she wondered if it had to do with the fact that she had revealed that Rintaro wasn't working a normal office job. Of course, the costume he had folded earlier could have told Alu that much. "But I for one, would love to see Elise try on these cute clothes!" she made a Cheshire-cat smirk at Elise, eyes glinting.

Elise actually found herself unable to protest as Alu, surprisingly strong despite her appearance, picked her up and shoved her into a dressing room where her clothes were.

Alu found some cute clothes to have Elise try on and the themes varied from cute schoolgirl to edgy explorer. Her favorite one was actually the equestrian horse-riding outfit for Elise. She squealed, taking pics with her phone of Elise in those outfits. But this one was her personal favorite. "You look really good in riding attire!" She complimented Elise.

Elise just blinked at her, sort of confused. "I've never worn pants…"

Alu giggled. "I figured. But doesn't it feel nice to try different styles and branch out a little?"

Alu watched Elise think about that and then when her smile formed, it looked shy and happy. "Yeah," Elise agreed. "It does feel…nice."

Alu hummed. "If that mean butt-hole Dr. Pervy does anything to make you feel bad about your clothes, you can just direct him to me," Alu cracked her knuckles, menacingly.

Elise just nodded, but she seemed lost in thought.

"Oh! Here we go!" Alu sent the pictures to: Dr. Perv's # ; as she identified him as, in her contacts. Didn't want to go forgetting who she was talking to after all! She looked at Elise with a smirk, amused. "How many seconds do you think it'll take for him to—"

Her phone rang violently and Alu almost dropped it, comically.

"Miss Alu," Rintaro sounded absolutely stern on the other end, restraining something in his voice that sounded like actual pain, "While I am pleased to know you are giving my darling Elise a fun afternoon, please, don't have too much fun without me there…." he sounded like he was gonna break down at the end and Alu had to cover her hand over her mouth, putting him on speaker for Elise. She was going to bust a rib, laughing if she did say anything right now. She found sadistic amusement in knowing that he was absolutely being tormented by not being there. Served him right for being a huge pervert to begin with.

Elise just looked at the phone like it had a disgusting stain on it—in it in this case— and she put her hands on her hips. "Oh, Rintaro, pull yourself together! Not everything is about you!" She said, haughtily.

Rintaro made a small whine on the other end. "I just want to be able to see you enjoying those clothes!"

"Well I plan to wear them more!" Elise said, with a huff. "I find I like trying…these new styles. So you're going to have to deal with it, got it, stupid Rintaro!"

There was a brief pause.

Alu and Elise glanced at. They both wondered if he was upset. Not that they cared if he was, but the silence did concern them. Finally, there was a deep sigh and he spoke again, gravely. "I will deal with anything, as long as it makes my Darling Elise—"

Alu hung up on him.

Elise's jaw dropped. She stared at Alu, with big saucer eyes. She was both floored and amused that Alu had the balls to just hang up on Rintaro. She really liked this girl. She wanted to keep her forever! "He was being pervy," Alu said with a shrug, in response to Elise's expression. She grinned at Elise. "What outfit do you think would make him want to jump out of a window?"

Elise tilted her head. "That's a good question," she said, thoughtful.

Alu just smiled. She was pleased to see Elise acting even just a little less stiff today. She hoped that she'd be able to figure out how to separate this ability more so from that man. No, ability…that wasn't what she saw when she looked at her. She saw Elise, a girl, a being just like herself. "Well, I'm going to try on the clothes I picked out…just a moment."

She stripped off her top and down to just her undergarments. Slipping into the outfit she'd found for herself, she looked at herself in the mirror. It was cute, simple, classy but refined. She spun around a little for Elise to observe. She was wearing a long grey women's trench coat, with pockets and cute buttons, that stopped about thigh high, with a dark black long sleeved turtleneck top, cute dark pants with pockets, knee high red and black socks with a pair of cute sand-brown colored ankle high boots. "How do I look?"

"You look…pretty," Elise said, smiling and clapping her hands together. Elise really was happy. She never had an interest in shopping before now but that was because it had never been about her. With Alu, she felt like she actually could enjoy it. She didn't know how to make Alu feel better about what was troubling her, and she had noticed Alu's eyes were red from crying, but at least, she could do this much for Alu.

Alu pointed to Yosano's hand-me-down's. "I'll go ahead and return these…"

"Or we could burn them," Elise said, brightly, beaming at Alu.

Alu blinked. "Huh, why?" She asked, confused.

"Because," Elise said with a cheerful hum, "You don't need any nasty reminders of that woman, right?"

Alu blinked at Elise. "Oh, um, I don't dislike her…"

"You may not," Elise said, glowering at the clothes in Alu's hands, feeling aggressive and resentful. "But I do. I hate her."

Alu pursed her lips. She thought about how to address this aggressive behavior that had bubbled to the surface for Elise. She finally just took the clothes and she put them under her arm. "I don't know the story between you two, but let's let the clothes off the hook, okay?" She said, patting Elise's head, with a small smile.

Elise pouted. "Whatever, let's just pay and go!" She brattily stomped out of the dressing room. Away from Alu, she patted her own head where Alu's hand had been. It felt warm. She huffed. She didn't want Alu to leave her for Yosano. She didn't want this girl to stop playing with her. This girl was her playmate and hers alone! She decided vehemently that she wasn't going to hand this girl over to anyone! Not even Rintaro.

Meanwhile, Rintaro didn't get to see Alu strip —-or Elise earlier— because Elise actually had shoved him forcibly into dark space mentally and he didn't want to make her angry and pry. Rintaro just had a giant depression episode at his desk that afternoon. He wanted to recruit that girl but not if it meant sharing his precious darling Elise-Chan! The kimono-clad redhead Port Mafia Executive currently talking with him, just sighed, her face clearly just saying: Get your shit together, you're the head of the Port Mafia.