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Chapter Three: Promise

"Sometimes people don't understand
the promises they're making when they make them," I said.
Isaac shot me a look. "Right, of course.
But you keep the promise anyway. That's
what love is. Love is keeping the promise anyway. Don't you believe in true love?"
John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

She was late; the wolves had begged her to stay and play again. Even if they hadn't licked and rubbed all over her, Kagome would still have to shower (their scent all over Kagome). No time to spare, she had no choice, stripping down in a flash and jumping into tepid waters before it had time to warm up thoroughly.

Her shower wasn't large by any means. If she stretched out her arms, she could barely place her elbow on either side. She could, but not with her arms raised to her shoulders. It made scrubbing her entire body a little tricky but doable, lifting a leg to get the bottom of her foot with her loofa.

Kagome had gotten one leg finished, just setting her foot down when the door to the tiny shower swung open. Slapping hands around herself (although silly), Inuyasha smirked at her. "Running late?" She nodded, and he stripped a little faster than Kagome before stepping in. There was barely room for one person, and now there were two, pushing Kagome from the comfortable middle to the side. Inuyasha didn't care in the slightest. "Need help?"

Handing over her loofa, Inuyasha bent down to wash her leg and foot. Leaving the door open, he stuck his backside out of it and got water all over the bathroom floor. Kagome found she didn't care; the massage she was getting taking away her care.

When he finished, standing upright, he shut the door and stepped closer. There was no room, and Kagome was easily pressed against the wall by him. "I love how you get all clean for me to dirty up again."

Her loofa tossed somewhere, Inuyasha grabbed her up by her ass and spun, placing her against the flat wall of the shower. All of him was pressed against her, his mouth the hardest as they opened their lips and greedily sucked on each other's tongues. Kagome only pulled away to rip his beads off his neck to join her loofa.

Inuyasha toweled off next to her, the water freezing once they finished, and she tried again to work up the courage to tell him. Kagome had decided to join the pack. There was no way around it; Inuyasha had put himself at risk too many times, saving her from Naraku. She wanted to protect herself and gain control of her transformation. Then Souta wouldn't have to live in England with their cousins; he could come home because she could protect him.

Sitting on the edge of her bed with his towel tossed to her hamper, Inuyasha pulled Kagome to stand between his legs. He was busy trying to open her towel while she was working on her words. "Yash…"

She didn't even get to start, Inuyasha dropping his head with a rueful sigh. "I'm not leaving. I promise I'll stay until dawn tonight."

"Good. But that's not what I…."

"And you know I can't come inside you; you promised me that you understood that."

"I do…"

"You do?" He asked, whipping his head up to stare at her with his gilded irises. "Then what was that shit? Licking my fangs? You know that makes me come!"

It wasn't that she tried to trick him or force him; she was just doing what she knew he liked. "I'm sorry."

He sighed again, this time resting his head on her belly. "We're not even supposed to have sex until mated. With your mate!"

Inuyasha was breaking so many rules for her. Since they were kids and it made guilt twist in her belly. So much that she pushed him off it before he heard it. "I guess it's a good thing I told you to wait before."

He reached for her, but Kagome dodged his touch. "What are you talking about?"

"You don't remember? When you asked me to be your mate?"

"Of course I do! You turned me down!" He roared, jumping from the bed to reach for her again.

Kagome escaped his grasp again, backing into her dresser. "I didn't turn you down; I told you to wait until we were older. You couldn't even tell me what mating was! So I didn't think it was something we should make decisions on until you could!"

Trapped, Inuyasha caged Kagome entirely with his arms, a hand on either side of her at her shoulders. "I told you months ago what mating entailed."

"So? You didn't ask me or tell me to be your mate!"

Leaning in so he was inches from her face, Inuyasha's hot body, breath, and eyes burned her. "You told me 'no' the last time I asked, so why would I do it again?"

Kagome rolled her eyes and tried to breathe normally, "I told you, I didn't say…."

He cut her off, thrusting his tongue into her mouth and wrapping it around hers. Thoroughly dizzy with lust, Inuyasha released her mouth and went back to the bed from his cage. "Stop taking your birth control."

Blinking his image changed nothing, Inuyasha grinning up at her from her bed with nothing on. It was already tough thinking with Inuyasha like that, and now he was saying things that made her head spin even more. "What?"

"I'm not asking this time, I'm telling. I'll tell Sesshomaru tomorrow that we're going to mate. And that I'm leaving the pack." Inuyasha had to jump off the bed to catch her. It was all too much. "Kagome?!"

"Why? Why are you going to… leave the pack?"

He sat with her in his lap and brushed her gently all over. "Neither of our fathers wanted you in the pack. If we were to mate, you would be required to join mine. It's why your parents left; they didn't want to join Naraku's pack."

"They could have joined yours?"

Inuyasha shook his head. "It would have caused a war."

"It did anyway."

"They thought it was for the best."

Feeling a bit stronger, Kagome pushed on Inuyasha's hold but only got to sit up. "Now, I can either join Naraku's pack or die…."

"Neither of those things are going to happen…."

"Or join your pack?"

Inuyasha shook his head again. "No, that's not what your father wanted. You would be dishonoring all his sacrifices."

"What about you?!" Kagome unconsciously wrapped her arms around his shoulders, tugging on his strands. "All that you've sacrificed? And still, you want to give up more like your pack?"

"Worth it."

A few tears slipped out with that, and she let Inuyasha take off her towel. Waking up alone wasn't anything new to Kagome, but at least with the promises made last night by Inuyasha, she knew the time would soon come when she never woke up alone.

He had made it all sound so easy, going tell his older brother and Alpha that he was leaving to be with her. So, her nerves were settled and calm… until he didn't show that night… or the next.

Wolves didn't do cell phones, but Inuyasha had one for emergencies. She wasn't sure this qualified, but Kagome also knew that she would go mad if she didn't know what happened to him. It rang until it went to voicemail. She waited an appropriate amount of time (as long as she could stand) before calling again. This time, straight to voicemail. Kagome wasn't sure what to think anymore, going through the motions at work. Her mind was a mess, going through the memories from the night before. Inuyasha had promised her forever multiple times. And since that night, she hadn't taken her birth control, preparing for the mating ritual, just like Inuyasha had told her to.

So why the hell was he ghosting her?

At the sight of him, standing off to the side of the wolf exhibit, hands in his pockets as he leaned against a tree, it reminded her of when he first started seeing her again. On her protection detail, Kagome had thought it was a simple assignment for him. She had been wrong, and she hoped she was wrong again. But with him refusing to look at her even as she neared, Kagome struggled to deny the doubt brewing in her belly.

When he remained silent, and it became clear, Kagome couldn't take it anymore. Stepping up fast, she used all her strength to punch his shoulder. It got his attention but not his words, refusing to stop or fight back as she continued to beat on him. When people started to stop and gather, he stopped her, catching her fists mid-strike. She was sobbing, but she still got her words out.

"Why?"

"It's… out of my control."

Kagome wrenched free from his hold, and Inuyasha flinched when he got a look at her face. "Bull shit! You're the Beta! Your mother runs the pack!"

"My mother can't shift anymore. Sesshomaru is in full control now. And his word is binding."

Inuyasha had explained the power of the Alpha. It was more than simple orders. The wolves were bound to their directives if given with complete compliance. An Alpha couldn't order you to your death; there was still some free will. It was part power and part willingness to obey. So Inuyasha wanted to obey Sesshomaru's orders; at least a part of him did.

Kagome tried to calm herself down, so she didn't shift in public. Inuyasha let her get hands on him again, touching his hands and holding on, so she didn't fall. "We don't have to leave the pack. Is that why Sesshomaru denied us? He doesn't want you to leave?"

Inuyasha shook his head and looked far away. "I'm engaged to someone else, Kagome."

The fear and worry she had… it didn't prepare her. The floor disappeared from under her just as her heart fell to it. "What?"

"My father arranged it. I thought I could get out of it…."

"You knew about it?! How long?!" Inuyasha remained silent, and she felt sick. "Oh god."

"She's the daughter of an Alpha. Another pack that ours has been close to for decades. And now, our packs will be joined, making them stronger than ever…."

Swallowing her vomit, Kagome stood tall to the weak man before her, no longer recognizing him. "So you're giving me up for power? Is your word so weak, Inuyasha?"

Inuyasha kicked at the ground, not fighting her in the least and showing his weakness in full. "It's out of my hands."

"No, it's not." His eyes popped up, dark golds far from what she was used to seeing. "You just won't fight for me. I'm not worth it, so you're going to toss me aside. Isn't that the truth?"

"Whatever you need to tell yourself, Kagome…."

"You want to mate with her! You want to mate and strengthen your pack! You never really loved me. Otherwise, you would have fought for me! If you ever truly wanted me as your mate, then you would have made it happen, and that's the truth!" She stepped up again when he remained silent, hitting him again as she had earlier. "Say it. Tell me the truth! You never intended to mate with me; you'd rather marry someone with purer blood. You never loved me…."

He cut her words and her hits off by grabbing her wrists. His hold was tight, his claws breaking her skin, but he didn't lessen it even as she hissed from the pain. "I can't be your bodyguard anymore. We will never see each other again. This is goodbye, Kagome."

He way he said it, even protecting her life was a burden to him. Kagome had never asked him to; Inuyasha had decided to be there for her on his own. But the way he said bodyguard made it sound like she forced him to risk his life for hers.

Inuyasha was long gone while she stood there, staring at the spot he last occupied. The night was falling, and the air was getting cold. And yet, she still didn't move. She was unable. Never had Kagome ever felt so broken, not even when her parents died. What did that say about her? That a man was able to wreck her so much? It said that she was weak. All this time, Kagome depended on Inuyasha to be there for her, to help her and keep her safe. Now he was gone, and she was left with nothing.

All she had left was the blood running through her veins.

More than anything, Kagome needed a run. Breaking away from her coma, she moved to a private spot and shifted. She didn't even care if she was seen, moving as fast as she could. Her paws hit the ground repeatedly, the pads pushing into the pavement. Once out of the city, she reveled in the feeling of the soft dirt under her claws instead.

It wasn't conscious; she didn't decide to follow Inuyasha on purpose. It was the wolf, leading her to her mate even with her heart broken by him. Because he was still her mate to Kagome, it didn't matter that he picked someone else.

A massive house or palace sprawled before her, and she slowed, entering the long, grassy yard that stretched at least five miles. As soon as her paws touched the ground, others started filing out of the house. They were running towards her, and she could smell their fear and anger. With the benefits her education afforded her, Kagome sat down and put her front paws under her muzzle, bowing down to those running. She peeked to see if it worked, noting how they had all slowed to a jog.

"Get up, Kagome!"

Inuyasha was somewhere in the crowd, growling at her. But she ignored him, getting up because the others were now on top of her. They crowed in a circle, looking her over. Mostly, men, a few women took her in as well. Inuyasha had once told her she was beautiful in her wolf form. Kagome had never seen it to know the truth, only knowing that her fur was black (blue in the moonlight), but it now reflected in those around her. When she got to her paws, the women smiled, and one woman had a warmth to her that was hard to ignore. The men were all staring, a few making her uncomfortable. In wolf form, the person was stronger but more vulnerable at the same time. If she were a real wolf, her lack of clothes would never occur to her. But Kagome had a human brain telling her she was naked in front of a lot of people now.

Crouching, she shifted back, wrapping her arms around her legs as they pressed to her chest. Inuyasha pushed through the crowd quickly, shedding his shirt even faster and forcing it on her shoulders. Once on, she pushed him away and stepped up to the pack. "I'm Kagome Higurashi. My mother was Corran, and my father, Gealach. I wish to join my mother's pack…."

"The hell you do!"

She continued to ignore Inuyasha even as he tried to grab her. "I'm sure you're all aware that Naraku is hunting me. Anyone associated with his old pack in the slightest is at risk." A few looked around as if confused while the others stared her down with little concern. "I have… a little brother. And if I don't learn how to protect him…."

"The pack will protect him," the woman with warm eyes offered, "we've been doing all we can to protect all those targeted by Naraku since my husband died."

Inuyasha got a hand around her bicep and held her still. "Kagome, this is my mother, Izayoi."

Kagome couldn't help but gaze up at Inuyasha. He spoke so tenderly about the woman before them, turning back to find a similar expression pointed at her from Izayoi. "I'm sorry for your loss."

Stepping up, Izayoi took Kagome's hands, getting her free from Inuyasha. "Toga talked of you often. He and your father were close friends for a long time."

"They were?"

Izayoi nodded, and Kagome brushed a few tears off her cheeks. "He wanted to take you and Souta in after your parents passed, but it went against your mother and father's wishes."

"Exactly," a new voice added, pushing quickly through the crowd, "it goes against pack law for you to enter Higurashi."

The man made it through, and Kagome did a double-take. He looked so similar to Toga; it was shocking. Inuyasha had Toga's hair and eyes, but this man had marks on his face. They were different than what she remembered Toga's looking like, but there nonetheless. The man had to be closely related, and given the way everyone was looking at the man, he had to be Inuyasha's older brother. The Alpha.

"Is it pack law to allow a willing member to get torn to bits by a rival?"

Whispers passed around, and Sesshomaru grimaced. "We are protecting those being threatened…."

"Naraku has taken a special interest in me. Or has Inuyasha not told you that?" Eyes danced between her and the man that loomed behind. Kagome could feel Inuyasha's fury with her since she stepped into the pack's spotlight. She just didn't give a shit. "This is my choice. I want to be trained and made into a true wolf. Doesn't that outweigh the wishes of a dead man?"

"Except when those wishes agreed with the former and current Alpha," Sesshomaru growled.

"And the current Beta!" Inuyasha added.

If Kagome wanted in, she was going to have to get the pack on her side. Looking at them slowly, she connected eyes with each one for a heartbeat. "Would you prefer I join Naraku's pack? He wants me and would take me in a heartbeat. And then the threat to my life would be over…."

"He would have you killing…." Inuyasha murmured, but all heard him.

"Is this some kind of self-preservation thing?" Someone asked, a tail wagging behind him.

"Maybe? But mostly it's for my family. I don't have much left. I got to watch Naraku murder my mother and father before my eyes. I have no doubt he'll do the same to Souta if he ever finds him." She was using guilt in her favor, but Kagome didn't have much choice. "This isn't about losing my protective detail," she said, throwing Inuyasha a glare as he pouted loudly behind, "I made this decision long before today. I wanted to join the pack for myself long ago. Not long after I learned the truth about my blood, I promise, this is what I want, and I'll be a great wolf if you teach me."

Murmurs went around, but they were all the same. They wanted to let Kagome in. Sure, some pitied Kagome, and others wanted another female in the pack (for one reason or another), but she had won. They were going to let Kagome in; she could feel it in her bones. And when she got that feeling, she knew she was right every time. Inuyasha grabbing her bicep tightly again was another clue, trying to pull her away before another word was said. But Sesshomaru stopped him.

"Inuyasha…"

"No! Fuck this, it goes against everything her own damn family wanted!"

Sesshomaru held up his hands, "it's out of my hands."

The pack wanted to greet Kagome properly, but Inuyasha tugged and dragged her away. "this changes nothing, understand? We were never together, and we never will be again."

"If we were never together, then how can we not be again?"

He screeched to a stop, turning on her with blood-red eyes. "Kagome!"

With her free hand, she clawed his touch off her. "Don't worry, Inuyasha. I'm not so weak and pathetic that I would come crawling here for you! You know I wasn't lying when I gave my reasons for joining!"

"I know."

"Good, then this conversation is pointless."

"Is it?" He stepped up and growled down at her. "You may be part of this pack, but you are nothing to me. Never forget that."

How could she? So intent on ripping her heart out, Inuyasha didn't realize the task had been completed. He had won; she was good and broken now. Kagome would never love anyone ever again.

oOo

She had hoped the fresh air would help her, pacing in the yard just below their bedroom window… her room. With Inuyasha still not home, it was becoming hard to deny his death. It still didn't feel right, not like it usually did for Kagome.

It was her 'knowing' that disagreed. Forget Inuyasha as her mate, the knowing in her bones wouldn't let up that he was alive. How much of that was wishful thinking? Kagome could no longer tell, and it was quickly driving her mad.

Taking a break before she wore a path in the grass, Kagome desperately wished to shift and make a run from it all. From her thoughts, fears, hopes, and all the pain. But she couldn't, patting the spot just below her belly button. Women couldn't shift when they were pregnant; the movement inside and outside the body as it changed structures completely threatened to crush the life inside. No matter how small. No matter how much Kagome wanted to, she had to stay in her human form with her human brain ticking away with terrible thoughts.

With a hand on her womb, she started pacing again until she was no longer alone. "How are you doing?"

Koga stood a respectable distance, watching her closely. "Not great, if I'm honest."

He nodded silently and then took a deep breath. "I'm here for you if you need me?"

"Thank you, Koga. But I really need a run, and since you can't hold onto my fetus, there's little else you can do for me right now."

She managed a sad laugh that fooled no one, and Koga stepped closer. "You should start considering your options."

"Options for what?"

"For… when Inuyasha doesn't return."

Kagome stopped dead, glaring at Koga curiously. "What are you talking about?"

He glanced at her belly and then back at her face. "You'll need someone to care for you and the pup."

"I have someone already, my mate. And even if Inuyasha doesn't… return," she struggled, "then the pack will care for us."

"You need to take a new mate."

She stared at him, unsure if he was serious. But when Koga didn't falter, she began to feel sick. "You expect me to take another mate? When? Before or after I give birth to Inuyasha's baby? It hasn't even been a week, and you're already talking about mating? Do you expect me to go through the entire ritual too? Fuck someone else other than my mate?!"

"Kagome…"

"NO! That's sick; you're sick!"

Koga bowed his head in shame but kept pleading his case. "We wouldn't have to mate, Kagome. I would just take care of you. I promised to take care of you before. I meant it then, and I still do. I care about you, that's all."

It was a nice gesture, the nicest, and yet it only made Kagome sadder, bowing into herself to sob on the ground.

oOo

The first day, Kagome hid in her room, fearing the worst. The second day, she came out for food and to test the waters. Neither Inuyasha nor Sesshomaru was in sight. When Izayoi passed her a smile, Kagome had to assume word hadn't spread around of their offense. But, she supposed the Beta of their pack breaking pack laws and sleeping with someone other than his mate wouldn't get around. Even with the two of them almost fucking in the middle of the ring two days ago. No one knew about their relationship to this day, and Kagome had long ago started ignoring the pain that caused.

Day three and she was back to training. It was like none of it ever happened. Had it? Or had it all been some dream her tattered heart made up? It was impossible to believe she would come out unscathed (other than the beaten her emotions were taking) while Inuyasha was still missing. Word went around that he was with Sesshomaru the whole time, food getting sent to the Alpha's office and no one coming out. If Inuyasha was getting laid into for this long, shouldn't she get some of the blame?

Koga stepped up behind her when she held her stance too long, the arrow poised and ready. She released it a second later, but he had already started his approach. "Kagome.. about the other day? I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry? You didn't do anything?'

"I should have been the one to take Inuyasha down, not you."

She shook her head. "I didn't take him down; I talked him down. There's a difference. A fight would have settled nothing and only made a mess."

Koga smirked at her, "you have an amazing ability, Kagome. You can rile up the most stable of men and then calm them down to lap puppies again."

He picked up one of her black strands, and she ducked away from his touch as nonchalantly as possible. "I don't do any of those things."

"Well, Inuyasha is far from stable… when it comes to you. I think he developed feelings for you all those years he had to watch you."

She shrugged. "We're friends."

"So, he did watch you? Protect you from Naraku? For years?"

Something didn't feel right, but Kagome didn't know what it was. "Yeah, that was his orders…."

"No, it wasn't," Koga said with an angry sigh, "that wasn't his orders at all. He was supposed to orchestrate your protection detail when word of Naraku's plans got around. Not take care of it himself. I fucking knew it! Inuyasha's into you!"

She was stuck; Kagome had inadvertently screwed Inuyasha over. "It… He isn't, and even if he is, he's engaged to someone else."

"An arranged mating isn't the same as being in love with your mate. No matter what others tell you, Kags."

Koga had a sad look on his face that she didn't fully understand. It sounded like he was talking about himself. "It doesn't matter because… I don't love Inuyasha."

It was a lie, and she was sure it was obvious. At this point, what choice did she have? She wanted it to be true; she wanted not to love Inuyasha more than anything. But that ship had sailed years ago and had yet to sink. No matter what Inuyasha did or said to her.

Kagome considered the subject closed and turned back to her target. "I'm engaged too, you know?" She didn't; it was why she turned to him flabbergasted. Another wolf that went around making promises to more than one woman only pissed her off. "It's arranged just like Inuyasha's. I don't love Ayame. Our mating was decided long before either of us understood it. And now that I understand, the only person I want to mate with is you, Kagome."

Pissed didn't even begin to explain how Kagome felt, turning and considering not dropping her bow as she faced Koga. "Regardless, you're engaged to someone else."

"Not by choice!"

"Exactly! It's beyond your control. So don't offer me what you can't give me!"

"What are you talking about? If I don't want to mate with Ayami, then I won't. I can mate with you if that's what I want; being engaged doesn't mean shit. If I were already mated, that would be one thing."

Everything, all that Kagome thought had hurt to the point of numbness, flared with new pain. "Are you telling me that anyone can break an arranged marriage if they don't want it?"

"I can't speak for everyone. Inuyasha's mating will align us to another pack. And he's the Beta. But I'm pretty sure; if he really wanted out, he could get out." Koga invaded her bubble, and she didn't pull away this time, feeling weak once again. "Look, Inuyasha doesn't matter because I'll protect you. Always. And I want you as my mate."

Kagome swallowed her tears as best she could because the important thing was getting into the pack. Becoming a full wolf was far more important than her love life and the burning husk that it was. Regardless of her other feelings, Koga was offering her a way into the pack. And with recent events, Kagome was sure her admittance was hanging by a thread.

"Okay."