Vol. 4

Ch. 4

What it Means to Be A Certain Kind of Detective

Alu bit her lower lip. She gazed after him as he walked off. Looking at the hat in her hands, Alu's expression became determined. She wanted to know more about Ranpo. She felt like if she could just understand his past better, maybe she could properly make it up to him. She felt like although he was nonchalant about discussing his parents with her—that he was bottling something inside. And what was his relationship with that President Fukuzawa guy anyways? Alu knew vaguely that Fukuzawa had become Ranpo's guardian after the death of Ranpo's parents.

Alu wondered why Ranpo was trying to communicate with her through one of his hats. He seemed insistent on giving it to her. Was this his own way of communicating he cared? Alu's eyes flickered. Of course—how could she have been so slow? His earlier remark made her face turn a bit red from embarrassment. Not wanting to acknowledge his earlier comment she just dashed after him. "Ranpo! Wait!"

She reached out and she grabbed the edge of his cape, causing him to pause. He lowered his arms, looking at her over his shoulder, his green eyes on her, half-lidded. "Huh?"

"I…" Alu wanted to properly apologize. But what could she say? A simple apology felt weak. Those two words were thrown around so loosely nowadays. She wanted to say something that would actually mean something. "I think your parents are really proud of you!" She finally blurted.

Ranpo's eyes flickered and he felt a small smile tug at the corners of his mouth. This girl was trying really hard, he could tell. He patted her head. "I already knew that," he said, with a hum. Still, something about her effort did touch Ranpo, just a little. Fukuzawa had said the same thing but the weight felt different here. Being told that by Fukuzawa did deeply move Ranpo, but having it said by this girl, carried a different sort of weight. It wasn't a negative feeling, far from it. Ranpo knew it was her way of apologizing and it honestly meant more to him, than a basic apology.

Turning away, he was surprised when he looked down, to feel something warm in his hand. It was her own. His eyes widened a little, bewildered. Alu looked at him determined. "I want you to take me seriously!" She said, pouting.

Ranpo blinked. Oh, she thought he wasn't? He was puzzled. He had acknowledged her right? He took the hat from her other hand and just placed it on her head. "You think too much," he teased, feeling himself smile again. He felt light on his feet. He didn't think too hard about his parents and this girl really had opened up those old memories. But thanks to Fukuzawa, Ranpo was working through it. And now, this girl was somehow making these memories even less painful to think about, simply by her sincerity.

Alu didn't tell Ranpo but she needed to hold his hand if she was going to be able to connect with his memories. Wordlessly, she just squeezed his hand tighter. He looked bewildered—clearly holding hands wasn't something he did often with anyone. "Sometimes, people just need to know they're not alone," she said, as she felt some of his past finally surface through touch. He was someone who was trying hard to hide his feelings when it came to his past or anything about himself really. Alu realized it wasn't because of his ego or anything though. It wasn't even a pride thing. Ranpo just didn't like to dwell. He wasn't afraid of acknowledging that his parents weren't around anymore, it dawned on Alu.

It had nothing to do with that. Ranpo just preferred to live in the moment. The memories of his parents filled him with nostalgia, and another feeling—longing. Alu felt her heart clench. He had Fukuzawa to fill that void, but when he wasn't with Fukuzawa, she realized that Ranpo did fear losing that warmth—the warmth of a hand to hold.

She gripped his hand tighter. She didn't really understand parental affection a child would have considering her own background. When it came to her own experience with parental figures, she pushed back with a fervor that unwelcoming pooling feeling of dread that left a cold numbness in her mind any time she risked acknowledging her own past from within her own mind. However, this wasn't the case for Ranpo.

She could tell Ranpo really was loved.

Memories.

He had many of them involving the laughter of his parents, and the cuddly nature of them both. A lot of warm hugs, sometimes a scolding, otherwise logic wars would occasionally crop up as Ranpo's father would teach his son through the fragments Alu could piece together, about solving cases using one's intuition and instinct.

Ranpo's father had messy sun kissed brown hair that looked a lot like Ranpo's current haircut—but his bangs were sideswept and towards the right side of his forehead. He also wore glasses and was tall. He dressed similarly to how Ranpo dressed currently. And yet, Ranpo had his mother's piercing green eyes and softer features.

His mother had beautiful long dark hair and bangs that remarkably reminded Alu of Ranpo. She was clearly shorter than Ranpo's dad, and Alu had a feeling Ranpo's height was more on his mother's side. His mother was witty and would then counter some logic of Ranpo's father and leave the father spinning for some answer to a question that made absolutely no logical sense and yet had a logical answer in the end that Ranpo's mother would reveal through teasing.

"Remember Ranpo," his mother said gently, petting little Ranpo's messy hair as he sat in her lap outside in the garden, his father sitting at the garden table with a book. "You're normal—there's nothing wrong with you, okay?"

"I know that!" Little Ranpo said, huffing. "But the kids are so dumb at school. How come I'm the only one who understands anything!"

"Knowledge comes with responsibility," Ranpo's father replied, with a low deep chuckle. "You're mind is a gift, kiddo, don't forget that," he hummed, turning the page in his novel.

Ranpo huffed. "But the teacher acted like I was lying!"

His parents exchanged a look that didn't go amiss from young Ranpo's shrewd gaze. "Honey?" His mother frowned, "What happened at school?"

Ranpo huffed. "I told you! The teacher acted like I was lying."

"What did you say?" Ranpo's father sounded concerned, putting his book down.

"Well," Ranpo seemed to falter under the gazes of his parents. He turned a bit pink. "I just said the truth!" He said, pouting.

"Ranpo," his mother pet his hair, kissing it. "Did you say something again without thinking?"

"I thought about it!" Ranpo said, pouting. "But the teacher kept denying the truth! I just wanted to clarify!"

Ranpo's father sighed, but he got up from his chair and came over to where Ranpo was sitting with his mother. He stood near Ranpo and he knelt down, on his knees, gazing at his son. "Ranpo," he said, his voice stern.

Ranpo stiffened, and clung to his mother's arm. He buried his face into his mother's crook of her arm, and continued to pout. "I wasn't wrong!" He defensively declared.

"I have no doubt you weren't wrong about whatever you had uncovered," his father said, sternly. "However, you know the difference between being wrong, and behaving in a way that will get you in trouble for your opinion," he said, calm and gentle but still chastising his pink cheeked son.

"I don't care that I got in trouble," Ranpo hotly retorted. "If what I said was so wrong then why did the teacher cheat with the daughter of the school principal!"

His parents glanced at each other. Ranpo huffed, and pulled away from them, stumbling to his feet, upset. "Ranpo," his mother said, gazing at him. "Honey, we're not mad with you."

"But you're disappointed!" Ranpo said, tearing up. "I can tell! It's so obvious! You're both disappointed in me!"

"You know we love you," his father said, and he hugged Ranpo tightly. "But you already know what you did wasn't appropriate."

"I don't like liars," Ranpo complained. "Why do adults think that just because I'm a child that I'm stupid! And why didn't any other kid in my class even see the obvious clues?"

"Ranpo, you've always been highly perceptive," his mother said gently. "You know with that level of perception that you're of course going to be seen as different—but you're not different. You're just you," she smiled, holding out her arms to her moping son. "You are someone who will use their mind to do great things," she concluded, warmly.

Little Ranpo blushed, basking in the praise. He grinned. "You bet! I'm going to be a detective—just like dad!"

"Before that you'll need to learn what humility is," his father teased Ranpo, grinning mischievously and tickling him.

Ranpo squealed. "No! I will pursue the truth no matter what! You don't need humility to find out the answers!"

His mother chuckled. "A little humility can go farther than throwing yourself into the heat of a conflicting situation," she said, squeezing her son's cheeks like a mother that was both loving and scolding.

Little Ranpo's eyes teared up and he whimpered, flailing. "Yes mom! Of course, mom!" He knew better than to argue with his mom when she was like this. His father chuckled.

"Smart boy! If you don't listen to me, at least heed the words of your very wise mother," he said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and hugging her and Ranpo to himself with a chuckle.

Ranpo just happily snuggled into the embrace of his parents.

"I'll be humble when people start being honest!" Ranpo said matter-of-factly causing his parents to just chuckle.

"You will always be our little Truth-Seeker," his mother said, kissing his forehead.

The memory began to ripple and fade, leaving Alu once more staring at the hand she was holding. Alu realized, as she felt his feelings of his past flow through her, just how much love Ranpo really received growing up. His desire for praise—it came from these two.

This kind of love was something he would never receive again—not even from Fukuzawa. And he'd just accepted this a long time ago.

Alu felt her heart twist. She felt she was just seeing fragments, never lingering too long on one shard before another one floated in its place, but the faces of his parents were in every memory.

No wonder he clung to Fukuzawa so tightly.

Oh, those memories were flooding in now—how he met Fukuzawa—the case they worked on together— and how when he was feeling lost and in the dark, it had been Fukuzawa who had taken him in—given him not just a home but a sense of belonging, again. Alu let her hand slide out of Ranpo's grasp—not hard since Ranpo wasn't exactly sure how to hold her hand and had settled for just letting her cling.

To have someone else give you a sense of purpose was powerful for Ranpo, Alu acknowledged. For herself, could she say she had the ability to even let someone in the way Ranpo had? She thought he had a closed heart, but she realized that his heart was actually more open than hers. Alu's eyes flickered as she stopped walking, staring at her own hand. She had never known a biological love the way Ranpo had. She had the feeling most kids honestly didn't—Dazai's past was a good example of a kid who was pretty messed up from a young age.

Although she had known the parental love of outsiders—a certain blonde man and red haired woman came to mind, but they were of another world—a world she had to leave like every other eventually. Though she knew parental affection briefly, she still found her heart closed in a lot of ways.

But Ranpo?

He had known a genuine love of two parents who wanted him to feel normal despite his abnormal wit and skill when it came to his own mind. They had always protected him from the world. They were trying to teach him in their own way, and although he was bratty and stubborn, and had to be right, he had lost them before he could bloom from their teachings and guidance properly.

To never know a biological parent's love was painful.

But wasn't knowing the love of both and losing them with no warning, just as bad?

Alu realized that she couldn't answer which was worse. Her throat clenched. She found her eyes were suddenly wet. She looked away, as Ranpo frowned at her, but his green eyes opened. He was quiet. Alu pulled her hat over her eyes, not wanting him to get a clear read. She honestly felt irritated when he just used his skill to deduce everything. Talk about no sense of privacy. But Ranpo didn't say anything. He just reached out a hand and he patted her head.

Ranpo actually didn't know what was making Alu's demeanor so depressed—but he knew it had to do with him—somehow.

Alu felt an odd sense of nostalgia. Then she realized the way he was petting her head was the same way his father had pet him. What he felt when Fukuzawa paid attention to him was similar to an odd foreign feeling Alu felt when Ranpo patted her head. It was almost like the touch was telling her that she was acknowledged. Her existence wasn't invisible. She wasn't invisible.

Her eyes felt hot and she could feel them brim. Alu felt her face warm. She emotionally felt like a rollercoaster.

She sniffled.

She pulled back, and suddenly the hat felt light on her head. She turned away, wiping her eyes. "You're such an idiot," she said, voice wavering.

Ranpo frowned, squinting. "Hah? Why am I an idiot?" He sounded exasperated. "You're the one crying!"

"Yeah, well," Alu kicked him in the leg, embarrassed and red. "That's because you're petting me like I'm a dog!"

"I was trying to be nice, jeez! That hurts you know!" Ranpo hopped around, holding his shin, tears in his eyes from pain. "You're really violent, you know that!"

Alu hated that she couldn't say what she was thinking. She didn't know what she was feeling. Ranpo was immature and bratty. He ate nothing but junk food and had to be right no matter what. He had sharp deduction skills but absolutely shitty social ones. Still.

Still.

Alu gripped the hat tightly on her head. "I don't know why you think I'd be a good fit for The ADA, since my personality is apparently so bad!"

"That's easy," Ranpo said, huffing, crossing his arms and pointing at her, "That's cuz you're a good person! I don't need any other reason."

Alu paused. Ranpo was so straightforward and simple despite his childish personality. Here he actually almost sounded mature. Maybe. Only a little. Alu wiped her eyes, furiously. She wouldn't cry like some baby. Besides, she didn't want him to catch on that she'd just been snooping in his memories. She had a feeling he was more private than he let on and wouldn't exactly be thrilled to find out she was snooping around his mind without his permission. Of course, most people wouldn't be. It's often why Alu didn't announce when she did.

People could be treasure troves of information when she just looked for it herself. Juubi was annoying sometimes but he had a point. People often hid things because they were afraid. Ranpo wasn't hiding anything though. He wasn't even suppressing it. It was like he simply cleaned his mind of it, and locked it away. He didn't want to forget his parents. But it was painful to think about them at the same time.

Fukuzawa was his anchor in a world that Ranpo felt otherwise abandoned in.

Alu clutched the hat tightly. This was one of Ranpo's many detective hats. But she realized that it was one of his older ones. It wasn't the oldest—but it was definitely a symbol for him. And it was one he was sharing with her. But she didn't understand why. She recalled something he had said a while ago.

Her eyes flickered. She looked at Ranpo. "Why did you give me your detective hat?"

Ranpo tilted his head at her. "Because we both want the same thing," he said, finally.

"To be right?" Alu quirked a brow, bemused.

Ranpo paused and then he chuckled. "Yes, I suppose," he hummed. He turned away. "We both seek the truth."

"— even if it hurts." Alu added, softly. Alu quieted. But she smiled softly, taking off the hat and looking at it. She was trying so hard to stay impartial to that organization, but this man was somehow finding a way to make that impossible. "You're really frustrating," she said, and Ranpo looked at her ready to retort, but his green eyes widened. She was smiling, even though some tears had begun to run down her cheeks.

Alu took a deep breath and she wiped her eyes, putting the hat back on and she put her hands on her hips, smiling at Ranpo. Ranpo quieted and then he turned away. "My feet hurt, I'm heading back." He complained but as he adjusted his own hat, walking back towards the road, Ranpo had a small smile of his own on his face.

They didn't say much more on the way back, but they both didn't need to. A silent agreement had been made between them. Both of them were ready to move forwards on the paths they both had chosen to walk.