As days passed by without news of Yeong gi, Shin ae grew even more frantic but there was little she could do on her own. The word on the street was that he couldn't handle the grief of losing his father, in quick succession after the death of his nana and earlier his mother, and had ran away. A few even whispered that he had killed himself. That when the real burden of the crown had loomed over him, he, unable to cope up with the surmounting pressure, had chosen to cop out rather than face the shame he brought upon the Royal family.
Shin ae absolutely refused to believe any of this. And at first, she chewed the ears off of anyone spreading such rumours (she had a nagging suspicion that it was a work of an insider) but with time, her fighting spirit slowly crumbled.
It wasn't like Yeong gi to disappear without a trace. Perhaps something did happen to him after all,.. or perhaps she never knew him well enough in the very first place. All rumours stem from a source rooted in truth, wasn't that what they say?
Stop it! She snapped herself out of this discouraging line of thought. That is not the Yeong gi she knew and she could confidently say that she knew him the best. In the meanwhile, she threw herself into her work. Her father needed all the help he could get and she spent rest of her free time in the unexplored areas of the town, charting every nook and corner.The old town had a lot more to offer than what meets the eye at first glance and discovering such hidden facets brought her a sense of peace that didn't come easily those days.
The mood enveloping the town was rather tensed. A state of uncertainty had pervaded the atmosphere, securing everyone in its tight clutches. Nobody was sure what to expect of the new regime. And people were more cautious and suspicious than usual. She often saw small groups of people huddled together, muttering, discussing the sordid state of affairs but nobody was bold enough to openly rebel. There were also doubts circulating Kousuke's imminent ascent to power. A mysterious, aloof figure, people knew little about. And people often tend to fear the unknown.
The whole scenario was frankly nerve wrecking and it somehow put Shin ae even more on edge. It was Yeong gi's throne. Why were people so busy pretending that he'll never come back to claim it?! She wanted to scream.
And where Kousuke was concerned, Shin ae had barely seen him after the funeral. He looked really pale back then and somehow also distant and detached, his eyes passed unseeingly through the crowd and there was just a brief flicker of recognition when they met hers. It lasted just a second too long before moving onto the next mourner.
Her visits to the Royal Palace had dwindled significantly and were rather infrequent on need to need basis. She had been called in to be questioned after Yeong gi's disappearance and that's when she had caught a glimpse of Kousuke on the training grounds practicing late into the night. She couldn't help the anger that had surged up inside her like liquid fire. Doesn't he care about his brother at all?! How can he be so calm when she's worried sick?
Shin ae was also frustrated by her own inadequacy. Her own limitations. There must be something she could do.. Some place he had mentioned or some clue he had left. Is it really possible that he wanted some time alone?
"You've been sighing an awfully lot for the past hour. Are you alright?"
Shin ae looked up to see the concern in her father's deeply lined face. Years hadn't been kind to him but she knew him to be the most hard working and kindest person she knows.
"I'm okay, Papa." She tried to muster her most carefree smile but his frown lines only deepened, so she probably did a rather pitiful job.
"Keep your chin up, young lady. Nol knows how to fend for himself. He'll be back before you know it... That's my girl." he smiled when she seemed to perk up at his words. "And since you seem so distracted, I want you to deliver a packet of pills to the Royal Palace."
"Pills? For whom?"
"The crown Prince. Kousuke Hirahara."
Shin ae furrowed her brows as she was given access to his hall. It was a fancy room, richly carpeted and extravagantly furnished. Large bookcases showcasing hefty volumes were placed between fancy pilasters, painting a picture of a well read man. There was even a grand piano at the corner, although she could vaguely recall Yeong gi telling her that his brother has time for no one, not even his piano anymore. A set of ornate double doors on either sides of the room restricted her field of vision. Shin ae guessed it must lead to his study or boudoirs. She placed the packet on the corner table, as instructed. Her eyes resting on the innocous packet, hiding some rather darker secrets.
Sleeping pills, that's what her father had confided in her when she had asked. Was he having trouble sleeping? she wondered. Or did nightmares haunt him all night? Who was Kousuke Hirahara, after all?
Well, it's not like she'll get answers standing there. She shrugged, turning her back to the package.
But just when she was about to head back, there was a crash from inside the chamber. Shin ae froze as the resounding crash evaporated into thin air. Heart beating fast, she firmly pushed the door ajar. And the sight that greeted her made her blood run cold.
The entire room was a disastrous mess with books and scrolls scattered all over the floor and the bed unkempt, sheets slithering onto the floor and in the very centre of it all was Kousuke Hirahara on his knees and arms, taking in short, rapid breaths as his face scrunched up under unimaginable pain.
Heart pounding deafeningly in her chest, Shin ae dashed to his side, getting down on her knees herself. "Kousuke. Oh god, Kousuke! What's wrong?!" Her eyes frantically scanned his person, detecting no obvious signs of injury or blood as tears welled up in his eyes.
"Hang on. I'll call for help!" she moved to call out for guards when his hands firmly clasped around her wrist.
"No," he panted, his face drenched with heavy perspiration. "It's a minor anxiety .. Attack. Word will spread.."
Shin ae stared incomprehensibly at him. Of course, Shin ae could have facepalmed herself. Was this the issue with image again? He needs help!
His hold tightened in a vice like grip as he read the disdain clear in her face. "I command you to not call the guards!!" he spat out, before taking in a deep shaky breath, "I don't need guards. You're.. here. Aren't you?.. Aren't you a medic?! Do.. something!" his voice shook at the end, "please."
Anger flared up inside her at his demand that melted when he squeezed his eyes shut to rein in his emotions. "You need a real medic! Not me.I don't even want to be one!" Frustration welled up inside her as she awkwardly rubbed his back.What can she do? What can she do?!She frantically searched her brain for anything that could help. Breathing exercises, yes, that might help.
"Kousuke, just focus on my voice. Take a deep breath in.. Hold it.. Focus! Just trust me.." her voice was shockingly soft as Kousuke's eyes fluttered open to meet her own. "You can do it!. . Yes, take a deep breath in, pause, exhale out slowly, good," she kept repeating the mantra till his breathing eventually evened out.
After a minute or maybe ten, he seemed to regain his control. He let go of her hand and moved back, creating some distance. Although he held her gaze a moment longer.
"Thank you." he finally said in a hoarse voice.
Shin ae slowly nodded. "How long this has been going on?" she asked, wrapping her arms around her knees for comfort.
Kousuke looked away. "Not long. Just after the funeral. After rumours started making their rounds with fresh vigour." He returned her gaze before quickly changing the topic, "You don't want to be a medic?" he looked dubious.
Shin ae huffed. "I don't. Just cause papa is a medic, people expect me to follow his footsteps. But that's not what I want!"
"Want.." Kousuke trailed off.
"I want to be known for something of my own. Not as a medic's daughter. Not as Yeong gi's friend.. Hardly anyone calls me by my first name, for heaven's sake!" she threw up her arms in exasperation. "I've an identity too! Why doesn't anyone call me that?!"
"Shin ae?" he raised his brow in a quizzical tone as a small smile finally curved his lips.
She blinked, slightly taken aback as a warm flush slowly crawled up her neck, "Exactly."
A peaceful silence descended between the two as Kousuke got lost in his own thoughts.
Shin ae's eyes reassessed the mess in his room. The worn out books, the dog eared pages. Scattered quills and pots of ink. The despondent sight. At such a sharp contrast from the room outside. Her eyes snapped back to his face, taking in the more subtle details, the hollow of his cheekbones, the bags under his eyes. She could not recall a time when he had seemed anything less than perfect.
"Why are you trying this hard?" She couldn't believe what kind of lifestyle he was living. He had mentioned something about ..rumours. She frowned, "Do you think you aren't good enough?"
"I'll never be good enough. Not like Nol. I can try denying that as much as I want but even father could tell.. I'm not Nol," he paused, seeming to wrestle with some kind of inexplicable emotion before catching her gaze. "I'm sorry for what you must be going through too. You must miss him tremendously. If there's anything I can do.., anything within my power.. As a sign of my gratitude.."
Yes there is! But for the life of Shin ae, she couldn't think of what he could even do on the spot. He seemed equally as lost as her. And perhaps even more trapped. Imprisoned in this forlorn tower he called home.
"Can you meet me at eight tomorrow for a night stroll?" she proposed.
There's some truth in the ages old adage that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. And when that woman is the head of the state? The ultimate power player? Who excels at torment and thrives in revenge? Then, there's little he could do than silently endure it.
"A complete and utter disappointment," Yui fixed her cold gaze at the boy genuflecting in front of her. "You proved yourself to be your father's worst mistake afterall. I pity Lord Kim that he has to tolerate your sorry ass everyday. What must go through his head? When he sees your pathetic excuse for existence and wish he only had one spawn?"
The words pierced through Sangchul's ears, and it took every bit of will power to not flung himself right at the woman and tear her apart with his bare hands. But he was forced to keep his eyes down.
"Everytime I look at you, all I feel is disgust. I gave you one chance to fix your mistakes and you screwed it up royally. And now you're telling me that you still can't find that kid?"
"I'm trying my.."
"SILENCE!" Yui's words sliced through the thin air. "Don't forget that if I can make you, I can easily break you. My favour is the last thing you should dream of losing."
Sangchul could barely keep himself from shaking.. A drop of perspiration trailed down his nose and his knees, fists protested with agony from the effort of maintaining his rigid posture for so long.
"One last chance.. Please." He forced the word through clenched teeth. There was a brief pause as Yui's heels came closer. She bent down to his level, uprighting his chin by one polished pointed finger. He wasn't sure what she could see in his eyes, fear? panic? But her lips curved up in a chilling smile.
"Make the best use of this one chance then."
Shin ae returned back to her home. The dark haired boy and his many facets continuing to hold her thoughts captive. She had judged him all wrong, she mused. He wasn't anything like what the people gossiped about. She wondered what kind of strength it must require to carry on with a straight face, despite knowing what people called him behind his back. And still be capable of care. His azure eyes flashed through her thoughts. And so did the soft whisper.
"Shin ae.."
She wouldn't't admit it outright but Shin ae was also looking forward to their next rendezvous.
Her step brother opened the door, letting her in.
"Ah. Glad you're back already. There's someone who's requesting an audience with you."
"Who?" Shin ae puzzled. She wasn't expecting company this late.
In reply, Min hyuk shrugged cluelessly.
She entered the drawing room. Apparently, there was a blond, pale boy with clear blue eyes, awaiting her arrival.
